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HIMELISSA2007's Photo HIMELISSA2007 Posts: 308
6/15/14 11:45 P

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I understand what you are going through. I keep on trying though. I may go away and I always come back to SP. Today I ate some cookies which put me over the calorie limit. But I am not hungry and I exercised the last two weeks every day. So, Im accomplishing things but not always giving myself enough credit.

Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in our own sunshine.

~~~Ralph Waldo Emerson~~~


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S0122S's Photo S0122S SparkPoints: (11,488)
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6/7/14 9:17 P

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Hi. I have been off spark for a long while...and many pounds gained- so I'm back. What's different this time? My husband is on board with me. We need each others support to get the weight off and get healthy.

NO EXCUSES


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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
5/9/14 2:07 A

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I also grabbed food today, I had candy bars in the glove compartment for months, I ate 3 of them today, plus more, I hear ya, I know when I start to do things like this it's time to spark again, w/vengence. Tonight I am sparking away. May has been so busy and full of changes I think I got abit sidetracked too. we can do it ML, we really can, just refocus w/me.

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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MLNICKLAS Posts: 91
5/8/14 6:24 A

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This week has been bad for me!! I've let emotions get the best of me and eat eat eat! I'm finding it hard to get back on track! My husband's work is very stressful right now so he's distracted and cranky at home, which doesn't help me. I'm struggling to find a way to not let his stress get to me. Any suggestions? I'm tired of turning to food, but can't stop myself!!

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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
4/9/14 12:53 A

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Do them now!

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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TERRAPINA SparkPoints: (1,269)
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4/8/14 7:58 A

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Thanks, Maci. I did make those Fast Break goals, but I haven't followed them. :(

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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
4/8/14 12:45 A

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Terra girl this really works trust me and just do it!
pick 5 things you know you can do, and do them the rest of this wk, Make them easy and doable.
here are the ones i did to get on track when I was face first in food
1. eat breckfast
2. take vitamins
3. spark (write on one team)
4. exercise 15 min everyday. (walk around the block!)
5. only Fruits and vegis after 10pm.

Make up your own, just make them easy, it's a great place to start to create boundries, next wk you can always change them.

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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4/7/14 7:47 A

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I haven't tracked my eating for about a week.. And I have backslid.. I had only started a week before! But it's the emotional stuff, I think. I wasn't sleeping (still not sleeping actually), I've been stressed about school and my upcoming summer job.. Just trying to get through the day.. and if I'm hungry, I break down.. The problem is that when I'm hungry I crave horrible things.. fried foods, starches, chocolate, etc. I have eaten more crap than good stuff in the past week. :(

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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
4/7/14 2:34 A

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No worries we all blow it occasionally! but i do have to say, when I put my cals in the nut counter, I never do as much damage as I imagine. My thought is if the cals are under 2000, it's not a blow it! if so no worries, it is only ocassionally now, it used to be a common occurance. Pick yourself up right now, you are successful right now, just keep the trend going for the next 24 hrs. You can do it! We can do it!

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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PENNYCT's Photo PENNYCT Posts: 142
4/5/14 10:18 A

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Don't get disappointed - you are gonna stay on track! Get the bad food thoughts outta your head and keep moving. YOU'RE GONNA DO IT, GIRL!


emoticon




“The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.”
― Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture





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TIFFA409's Photo TIFFA409 SparkPoints: (47,835)
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4/5/14 10:12 A

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I totally blew my calories last night. So disappointed this morning. At least I can say I made one good choice and had water even though I wanted the beer my fiancé was having.

~Tiff~
SW 01/01/13: 189

2% goal: 185.22 Met 2/6/13
5% goal: 179.5 Met 2/21/13
8% goal: 173.88 Met 3/30/13
10%goal: 170.1 Met 4/12/13
12% goal 166.32 Met 5/23/13
15% goal 160.65 Met 7/14/13
18% goal: 154.98 Met 8/9/13
20% goal: 151.2

GW: 125
"Seven days without exercise makes one weak."


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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
4/5/14 2:48 A

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Hi Penny, no I am more of a frog, I love to wade and sit in the water, esp the jacuzzi. I dont do cold pools as well. But i love the warm ones. Alot! I have missed going to the jacuzzi so bad this wk, scared to get sick again. Holding off on all big activitys till Monday when i hit the tennis courts again. Tennis is my passion, I play competively.

Today was amazingly nice. Did cool things w/all my gkids, it's the last day of spring break so i let the $ fly today! fun to do. Let hubs off the hook to and told him to go ahead and hit the floor on his construction project so he could work well into the night. and wake up and finish whatever project he is doing. He is always amazed when i encourage him to do that. I don't care, and he doesn't ask me so I feel like awsome Wifey if I come up with it. I understand his passion for his work, I have it w/things too.

No strong urge to eat tonight, but of course eating crap always sounds good to me, w/i cals, munching on carrots for fun and sticking to my goals today! woohoo. Sounds like you had a nice day too! If not though don't be afraid to vent, I find that i can have many great days, than Bam! a hard one hits right when I dont' expect it! Or someeone pisses me off and my only thought is grrrr I want to eat EVERYTHING! so we have to write on the good days so we can be there to write on the bad days or moments too! thanks for being my safe buddy!

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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PENNYCT's Photo PENNYCT Posts: 142
4/3/14 6:35 P

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Hi! I had a pretty good day. I got the spark activity tracker in the mail and used it to walk to the store and back - 3.5 miles. I was surprised that it was that far. I mapquested it and it wasn't that far but I try to stay as far away from the street as possible. I walk down the less-traveled roads and through the park. And on the way back, I was carrying groceries which are always heavier halfway home. But I ended up burning almost 500 calories so it was worth it!

I'm glad you're back out there, MACILINN. I'm the opposite - I'd rather exercise at home because I really don't like Hartford so walking in Hartford isn't the high point of my day. I like peace and quiet. If I lived in an area like where I grew up, I'd be outside all the time. SERENITY. Your walks to the beach sound peaceful. You lucky chic! Do you swim?

I'm kind of exhausted right now. Time for a nice, hot shower. I hope everyone's day went well.

Good night for now . . .

Penny emoticon emoticon


“The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.”
― Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture





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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
4/3/14 2:45 P

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penny feeling way better. actually went on a long walk today, the first day I have left the house for exercise in a wk. Walked to and from the beach w/a friend. very nice. off and running today, picking up Brianna from her spring vaca camp and we are going shopping for monster high dolls. It's gonna be a great day! How are you doing today? (this is the spot where we are real, let me have it, good or bad)

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
4/2/14 7:18 P

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Thanks for the good wishes, I think they worked, this is the first day I am starting to feel like myself. You are not going to believe what i am doing today... I am going to do a chemical face peel. My friend did one about 2 mos ago and she looked great. i never thought of getting one before. But on my bday after seeing hers a groupon came up with a price I couldnt resist. $52 I bought it than got abit scared to have it done. Now abit excited about it.

I'll let you know if it's a hit or a terrible mistake. I hate my wrinkles on my face, most think I look very young for my age, but if you look close you can see alot of wrinkles. I hope some of these lighten up. Let you know. Wish me luck! Doing it at 5pm tonight!

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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PENNYCT's Photo PENNYCT Posts: 142
4/1/14 7:17 P

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I've never heard of ear pain with PND. You'll get through it. You're strong! emoticon
I don't even want to get into the crappy healthcare I've had in the past. I had to go on medicaid because I couldn't work - needed a hip replacement and the doctors wouldn't do it cause I was too young. So, I was stuck with this clinic and this young doctor that I couldn't even understand. Her accent was sooooooo strong. I started to google everything before I even saw her. I still do if I have to go to the ER. But now, I have a great doctor. She's older and speaks English.

I hope you feel better and wish that I knew some remedies for your pain. emoticon

Sorry!
Penny


Edited by: PENNYCT at: 4/1/2014 (19:18)
“The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.”
― Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture





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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
4/1/14 6:42 P

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I have a pisser too! i am usually always well and happy, well over a wk ago I got sick enough to see the dr. and cancel my tennis and I still am. grrrr. She told me that I have Post Nasel Drip. What? she says it's caused from the change of season and allergys, very common this time of yr. Symptoms are a horse, hurting throat and ear infections. OUCH!

Well everynight my throat is burning and my ears are throbbing, so I cannot sleep. they gave me the best antibiotics and pain meds. I am not used to taking anything, well I took them all , and damn it , the pain is still here, I called to make another appt, the nurce called me and said she canceled it and there were no more drugs for me, I would just have to wait it out.

I thought they are crazy, they don't know what they are talking about, and I googled it, yes, It is classic PND! post nasal drip. Omg the only thing i can do is wait for it to leave and take sudafed. and tylenol for the ear pain. grrrrr. so I have given up tennis over a wk now, am so hungry i can't stand it, because I havent' got out of my PJ's for a wk. I am doing my best to stay w/i cals even though apart of me doesn't care at all! and basically I feel imprisioned to this house, my wants to munch, and life, my ears and throat hurt to much to go out, and I feel like just giving in and eating self into happiness. Have done it abit this wk, and it was fun but don't want to gain wt.

So here i am bitching away. feeling like such a baby, watching the world go along w/o me! Good thing is that I babysit my gkids alot so I am not alone and get to see them have fun! bad thing is the same! demands on me to help them enjoy life and I just want to have quiet.
Oh well, this time shall pass. My 5% challenge starts on sat, I only pray I weigh the same as my w/i March 29th, scared to step on the scale before that. No execise, only couch potaoe and comfort eating. Not a good recipe for success!



~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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PENNYCT's Photo PENNYCT Posts: 142
3/30/14 8:26 A

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Thank you for the support! I feel better today. I can't wait til the weather is nicer and I disappear to the park for the walking trails!

emoticon emoticon

“The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.”
― Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture





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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
3/30/14 12:10 A

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hang in there Penny, save for a better place to live, know that alot of his behavior is prob just to get to you. Instead of looking like him as a pain, look at him as a bully and bullys are harmless and just plain silly. Learn to laugh at his antics and move out fast! Stick to your guns, sparking, good eating habits it will help you to get stronger everyday.

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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PENNYCT's Photo PENNYCT Posts: 142
3/29/14 9:53 P

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Hi everyone. I've been flirting with SP since December but got serious 7 days ago. So, I've been on track for 7 days and did not have an urge to binge until tonight. I had a very stressful day and it usually has to do with my roommate. He's an ex of mine that I can't legally kick out because it was his place first. Not that you need to hear the ugly details - let's just say he drives me absolutely crazy. I am a quiet person and I live in a loud city. I treasure the peace inside my home when I can have it. He's a very loud and obnoxious person, drinks all day long and I'm not talking about water. He lives to drink beer. He loves to belittle anyone he can but because I'm here, I get it the most. So, I stress, stress more, and stress to the point of eating uncontrollably. But, as of now, I have not gone over my calories, carbs, or fat.

Thank you for listening/reading . . . I believe it helped.

I hope everyone is feeling better.

Penny




“The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.”
― Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture





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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
3/26/14 3:11 A

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screaming to late! decided to eat out of a box, one serving, yeah right! I did have one serving, the box! started my day w/1000 cals before the day began. finished the day with most other commitments in tact. So called it a B+ day 8 of 10 commitments done, with detention added in because way over cals. My first blow it day this yr! blow it = over 2000 cals.

Good news is my w/i this morning was the lowest yet this yr. 156.4.

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
3/24/14 2:48 A

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There have been a few times myself the last 2 wks where I could of sparked her instead of choosing to not do my commitments. I had lost 15 -2 wks ago since Jan 1st, right before I left for my cruise and all my other fun plans, bday and anniv celebrations, I let go of some of my commitments I wrote below. I used the excuses that we all use- Cruise: we were with other people who chose the 8:15 dining, so I ate after my commitment time everynight! (1st choice to not comply) than I went on lots of days away at a tournament (which kept me eating more than one serving of snacks) humm 2nd commitment done. Then one by one, I just started letting them go. Finally doing a few days of eating most the candy in the freezer, it was there since christmas. Lots of it, On my bday March 20, I was 160.8 exactly -10 from Jan 1st. Still good but Oh it would of been great to keep that 15 off instead.

Today I am choosing to reconfirm my choices! I am going to rewrite them again, and do them all from this pt on! i know they work, they were working great and worked in the past. Next time will come here when I want to binge, snack or want to choose to veer from my plans!

Edited by: MACILINN at: 3/24/2014 (02:52)
~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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SANDYSHORES24's Photo SANDYSHORES24 SparkPoints: (4,634)
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3/20/14 4:27 P

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Hi I like picking goals that are doable under any circumstance. Will have to remember this "Safe Place". I could really use it when I am tempted to emotional eat.

MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
2/12/14 10:05 P

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Hi Carolyn, as Oprah says "you can't change what you don't admit" awesome you shared your situation w/us. We all have food/ behavior issues or we wouldn't be here. We all struggle w/overeating, binging and purging is just another part of the overeating cycle.

Today, just concentrate on making some commitments that are doable and do them. Make them easy here are my daily commitments
1. Eat breckfast
2. vitamins
3. spark daily (includes Food and ex tracking)
4. Exercise 30+ min a day. ( it started as 10 min)
5. Only Fruits and vegis after 8.

after you make your own and do them for a wk or so add your cal intake. Mine is between 1000-2000. My avg is around 1300. My goals are things that are doable under any circumstances. I needed to set myself up for success. You can too! If it helps I have lost almost 13 pds since Jan 1st. You can do this! Join us!

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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ANAMORPHOSIS's Photo ANAMORPHOSIS Posts: 1,617
2/12/14 7:12 P

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Hi, I'm Carolyn, an emotional eater and bulimic. I know it's gross to make myself throw up but it's very addictive believe it or not. Need to stop because I have congestive heart failure and rotten teeth because of doing this. Really fighting the urge to binge right now.

Like Gold to Aery Thinness Beat. ~John Donne


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UNREADINK's Photo UNREADINK SparkPoints: (42,949)
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2/11/14 4:18 P

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Thanks emoticon

Juliet
10% - done 5/1/11
20% - done 7/12/11
30% - done 9/1/11
40% - done 11/6/11
50% - done 1/15/12
60% - done 4/19/12
70% - done - 6/24/12
80% - done - 10/03/12
90% - done - 08/14/13
100% - 170


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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
2/10/14 9:04 P

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stick w/us chickie and we will help you get back on track, remember the first 3 days are the hardest. Make up 5 commitments, doable and easy to achieve and do them! You will be on track before you know it!

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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UNREADINK's Photo UNREADINK SparkPoints: (42,949)
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2/10/14 9:32 A

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Hey,

For the first time since I started really losing weight, I'm not doing the BLC. I was just too swamped to commit this time and I think that was the right call. But I am veering way off track and am really struggling to stay in range consistently. Getting panicked as the scale is headed in the wrong direction. So my goal this week is to eat in range every day and post on one team board per day. That is it. Nothing complicated. Hopefully it helps.

LivMelodies - that's a really good plan. Breaking anything into baby steps makes it more manageable.

Macilinn - I see your point about eating out. Hadn't considered that. I like to cook but maybe I'll try to eat the same thing more often this week so it's boring!

Juliet
10% - done 5/1/11
20% - done 7/12/11
30% - done 9/1/11
40% - done 11/6/11
50% - done 1/15/12
60% - done 4/19/12
70% - done - 6/24/12
80% - done - 10/03/12
90% - done - 08/14/13
100% - 170


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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
2/8/14 10:11 P

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excellent choice on the 10 min a day commitment. That is how I started working out. I used to say if nothing else I at least could walk around the block everyday. Now I exercise alot and love it. who knew I would ever say that!

FYI I do my best cal intake eating out. It's so much easier for me to drive through and get a burrito, hamburger, etc. (one item only) and enjoy it as a meal than come home and know I can always have 2nds. Last time I got to goal wt, I ate the same things everyday,.

B: a gbar or cup of oatmeal
L: Sizzler- 6 oz stk, baked pot w/butter and side salad. ( i would pack up 1/2 my stk for later at home or for hubs)
D: a big bowl of chuncky soup w/ some type of brd.
Snacks: Fruit and vegis

Since the first of the yr I eat out at least one meal a day. enjoy life fpods to fun and enjoyable, just stick to one serv of each!

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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LIVMELODIES's Photo LIVMELODIES SparkPoints: (2,383)
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2/8/14 12:53 A

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Started first day of my month goal of at least 10 min workout every day. I realized I have to take this journey in small steps so each month I am tackling a few manageable goals at a time- While including rewards.

MACILINN congrats on your success this past month, I think your ideas will be useful for me to get my portions under control and avoid eating out.Thanks!

"Fasten up because you experience some turbulence on your way up to comfortable altitude."

"Happiness is in the journey not the destination"


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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
2/4/14 11:17 P

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awesome Tea! We are gonna do it this yr!

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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2/3/14 11:01 P

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Macilinn, I think your approach is pretty clever. I kinda do the same thing.
I am housebound this week, my Mom who is 89 arrived today through next Tues. love having her, but do more cooking than usual. Went to a huge SBowl party, did well, had 3 drinks over 9 hours..no Bourbon!!!!stayed in cal range, but high end. On target today and did well.
Calling for up to in snow here again...hope I don't lose internet.


"Santina Rose"
06/01/2010 535 pounds
Documented weight,
10/17/2013 began SP
Lifestyle at 395 pounds

"Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit at home and think about it. Go out and get busy!" Dale Carnegie
******************
"Love the people who saw you when you were invisible to everyone else."




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2/2/14 5:29 P

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Liv & Now- (livnow)
Girls no worries, you can do this! i was face first in food dec 31st and the whole yr before that! Jan 1st, I made a decision, I decided that I was going to lose wt this yr! NMW! (No matter what) Ck out my newest blog (on my sparkpage) it tells you how I did it.

1. I made simple rules I could follow NMW! Doesn't mean I don't fight the feelings and cravings, one of my rules is to only eat one serv of each food, that means I flip the box and count out what a serv is. if there is no box avail I make it 1/2 cup or 10. If that doesn't do the trick I find another food and do the same, i have done this to 4or 5 foods in one sitting, than posted it and called it lunch! There is nothing perfect about it. But I made it doable!

Girls you can do it, because it's doable! Change focus! Don't eat anything out of a box, bag, carton, or basket, put it on a plate, one serving! I never thought that today just 1 mo from my last binge I would be 10.4 pds lighter. seriously! Do it!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon you can! you can! you can!

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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2/2/14 7:14 A

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I am a newbie to the site and this team. I have spent my whole life worried about my weight, hating on myself and have lost hundreds of pounds only to put them back on. My biggest struggle is the emotional eating. The intensity of my urges to eat are so powerful, it scares me sometimes. What I am desperate to know is whether this intensity will ever ease? Am I destined to a life of constantly fearing my emotions will lead me to binge or blow my whole weight loss plan? Will this ever get easier? If I knew it would, maybe it would help me get through the tough times....

Sarah


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2/2/14 2:38 A

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Started the week out strong and great with exercise and eating. But whenever i go to my family's place or feel over excited or un-centered around certain places or event, all control of my eating goes out the door. and i go for the worst foods out of compulsion. this has happened to me for the third time this week. So pretty sure ive reversed my progress. sigh. Trying to learn slow down and think about what im doing.

"Fasten up because you experience some turbulence on your way up to comfortable altitude."

"Happiness is in the journey not the destination"


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1/31/14 12:47 A

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CTH- Hang in there. Life feels so tough sometimes, just remember that it doesn't feel better if you don't take care of yourself, w eating right and exercise. Stay strong, we are here for you!

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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1/30/14 9:26 P

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Been worrying tonight about taking care of my parents. I've been doing it for 4 years now and there's been some health changes lately that scare me - his dementia worsening and her back acting up badly from a car accident. I have health problems of my own (fibromyalgia, RA, back conditions) that make things difficult. This is just one of those days when everything seems overwhelming and I needed to get it off my chest. It sure beats the binge alternative!
Thanks for listening!
PS Whoever's idea it was to set up this forum is brilliant! emoticon

Cthcth1


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1/21/14 11:46 P

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my prob foods are the C words. Cake, cookies, candy, chocolate, cupcakes, ice cream, etc. Yes we can do this girls!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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1/21/14 4:28 P

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Cosmic, I think our fascination with white bread stems from our "Wonder Bread" childhoods, I can still remember the label touting its vitamins.... For me, the binging involves butter and beef and bourbon.
All the "b" words!!! I am a person of good, quality food excess, no issues with sweets or junk foods like chips. All the chocolate in the world could be gone, but a pound of butter slathered on anything that moves is another whole story, as in 1-2 pounds a week at my 535 pound end.
Now, I buy only Olivo and measure my fat and oil intakes meticulously.
I believe that by recognizing our triggers and being sensitive to eliminating them around us, we can exhibit control. I can look now at foods and say, "I control YOU....you don't control "ME!"
We can do this together.



"Santina Rose"
06/01/2010 535 pounds
Documented weight,
10/17/2013 began SP
Lifestyle at 395 pounds

"Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit at home and think about it. Go out and get busy!" Dale Carnegie
******************
"Love the people who saw you when you were invisible to everyone else."




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1/21/14 12:34 A

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Hi Cosmic, I hear ya! When people tell their binge horror stories, oh do I get it. I have eaten boxes of cake/muffin/pancake mix w/o cooking it, I have made many batches of cookie dough to eat secretly, and when I was missing ingredients I used to make a sugar/butter combo to eat. white brd, forget it! To many times I have ate the whole loaf! so.. Why am I telling you this? I want you to know i am not doing any of it anymore! Here is how I stopped...

I saw a Dr Phil show about why we can't achieve our goals w/the best intentions, he said we have terrible inner integrity. If lie, cheat, ignore, convince, give up, and defeat ourselves constantly. If anyone had made the promises we make to ourself and broke them as many times as we had, than we wouldn't believe a word they said.

But we have awesome integrity w/others. We pick up our kids from school, get to work on time, keep our commitments to others. the only way to build up this inner integrity is to choose things you know you can do, and do them!

This was my first list:(5)
Eat breckfast (I used to keep gbars in my car just incase i forgot)
Vitamins- (they used to make me sick so got childrens gummy ones.)
write down everything I eat ( sometimes I just wrote it on napkins)
exercise at least 10 min aday (even if It was just doing situps while watching tv)
Eating only Fruits and vegis after 8pm (as many as i wanted)

Those were my only guidelines, today I still have them but they are abit different.( alittle more difficult, my writing down turned into tracking my food on sparks and posting on my teams, My exercise is now 30+ min a day. Otherwise I still have the same goals, plus eating at least 1 fruit a day, a cal intake of 1000-1700, w/2000 being my max a day. I can do it now, in the beginning I could of never did all this.

The secret is to make it very doable, no matter what, and when you can't do it right, do it right asap! sometimes I don't eat enough cals and have to make sure I do it the next day, or life gets busy and I dont' exercise, I turn on an exercise tape and just do it when my fam goes to sleep, if not poss, I might wake up the next morning, put on my tennis shoes and jacket and get walking, and do two sessions that day. It's not perfect but doable.

Hope this helps. The first time I did my commitments I lost 30 in 7 mos, an avg of 1 pd a wk. awesome! good luck!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon You really can!

Make your 5 up and do them! Than be proud that you are building inner integrity!





Edited by: MACILINN at: 1/21/2014 (00:35)
~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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1/20/14 1:50 P

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Hello All,
I just need some insight, maybe?
I'm a compulsive and an emotional eater since I don't know when. See, I've been obese since childhood so I can't really tell... I had to teach myself hunger, when and how it's alright to eat.
I know anger,stress and frustration drive me off.
I've lost a great amount of weight, and I've made immense progress in handling my emotions another way than taking it all out in the kitchen. BUT there are times that I just WANT to eat, and to my knowledge, there isn't an underlying feeling, or even compulsion.
My longest streak of not mindlessly eating was 25 days long.
I'll go in the kitchen, like I did yesterday, and will find something healthy (most often) I can binge on. I had a whole loaf of white bread (still, better than chips or other processed stuff I've so hard fought my way out of) and then a few barley rusks. I made myself some yogi tea to keep my mouth busy and prevent me from completely derailing. It didn't help, because I realised I wanted to eat just because I wanted to eat. I had some strawberry jelly too.
For me, there is something comforting in white bread. It's what started the binge, actually. White bread actually upsets my stomach a day after. But when I munch on it, I just munch on it. I don't feel anything before I eat bread. But when I start it's too hard to stop. It doesn't make me feel anything too. I just love its texture and taste in my mouth. It's soothing.
I'm not mad at myself for derailing, I know it's a weekly, not a daily differential, and I'm so proud of myself for other victories I can't let that slip bring me anywhere down. I just wonder why I keep binging when I don't feel like it and why it always has to be bread. I mean really, 15 years on a diet, several victorious months of late, so many pounds lost and I binge just because I binge? Wtf?
What you think?

Edited by: COSMICWATCHER at: 1/20/2014 (13:54)
Joanna

~Running to stand still~

'If a little dreaming is dangerous, the cure for it is not to dream less but to dream more, to dream all the time.'

:This is a revolution, damn it! We're going to have to offend somebody!:

{I am not afraid... I was born to do this.}

#No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, SHOW UP and never give up!!!#


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1/14/14 11:16 P

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Hi Rebekah,
My heart goes out to you. I cannot imagine the pain you must be in- You need to know that you have every right to feel the way you feel. I think part of the issue with emotional eaters is that sometimes we might feel like we need to numb the emotions with eating. I'm sure you've heard it a thousand times- you will get through it, slowly but surely. Nothing will ever take the pain away but time will make you stronger. Life is beautiful but can leave you heart broken in an instant, without warning. It is good to hear from someone considering adoption. There are so many ways to adopting without emptying your wallet. So many young children are in SEVERE need of a home. I was a child of "the system" and am blessed to say I had a wonderful foster mother growing up- who saved my life in so many ways! It's something to consider- in the mean time- heal your wounds, at least partially. Hugs!

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1/13/14 9:49 P

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a good cry was a good idea. have you seen a fertility dr yet. My friends daughter had issues and did invetro and it took the first time, she just had a beautiful baby girl. Just a thought?

Today the grouch that bugged me at practice at practice, threw a nasty comment at me at our tennis tournament. You have no idea how i want to text her and say "if you don't have anything nice to say to me "Shut up". She texted me last wk w/a snarky text. We all know she can't control her mouth so as of now I havent' said or done anything to stand up for myself. My nickname for her now is bulldog!

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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1/13/14 11:18 A

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Thank you Macilinn
I wish there WERE right words lol but I don't think there's any such thing :/ . I very much appreciate your support.

My girlfriend and I had a long chat over the weekend (she knew something was up with me) and she doesn't blame me at all, nor does she think that I'm trying to take away her joy (I was very nervous that she would think I was mad at her or that I was jealous or that she'd have to tip toe around me with pregnancy related things). I'm feeling better about everything now. I allowed myself to cry when I needed to all week last week and all weekend. My husband and I are looking into adoption. Not sure we'll go that route, but we're starting to look into it anyway..

Everything that is now easy was once hard.

Working on untying my self worth from my success or struggles


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1/10/14 12:17 A

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Mel, so sorry to hear your pain. Don't have the right words to say I wish things were different for you. Sometimes life just sucks.

what i do know is that when we overeat about it, it just sucks worse. please do your best to keep to your commitments, you will feel better in the end. anyways thats what works for me.

emoticon tomm is a new day to do things different, to think things different, to mourn and move on again. I am w/ya on this journey.

Edited by: MACILINN at: 1/10/2014 (00:18)
~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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1/9/14 4:29 P

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My best friend is pregnant. And I am thrilled for her. But after 5 miscarriages I have a hard time with pregnancy announcements. I mourn my losses every single time someone close to me is pregnant. It's like the wounds are opened anew every time.
I am so happy for her. And I am devastated for my own family. All of the what could have beens...what did I do wrongs...they never go away.

Spent the day eating everything I could yesterday. Because that's going to help. Trying to allow myself to feel everything without needing to eat through them today. It hurts.

Everything that is now easy was once hard.

Working on untying my self worth from my success or struggles


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1/8/14 7:45 P

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well, I have offically nicknamed my tennis buddy who always causes me such grief: The Bulldog! I told her partner (my BF) the next time the little bulldog wants to discuss something w/me, please hold her back and tell her you will talk to me instead. She just laughed and said where she used to work they called her that too! teehee. Next time I am just gonna say "calm down bulldog"

Blake gson woke up in a better mood, and hubs was so nice to my friends he was even hugging all, he appologised for his dumbness yesterday and took me to lunch today. He came out to the couch last night where i was snuggled up w/Brianna and asked me to come to bed, I said "no, cya in the morning" today we are up and running in love again.

One thing I like to do when I vent my crap is to write my solution at that moment, I will add it from now on. I guess I did! (bathtub) all is good thanks for the venting spot!

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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1/7/14 11:41 P

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sorry patty about your dad.

Grrrrrr my prob has been going on for 2 days and I am getting ready to screeeeeeem!
I am the captain of a tennis team, one of our team players lost a 16 mo old gson Dec 26th, the funeral was saturday. Monday was our team "practice" I made the decision to send her a msg saying "we all support you and if you are ready to play on Monday please come, if not no worries, we will see you next wk" doing this i knew there was a chance we would have a court that had to play singles, I decided that we could be inconvienced abit if she chose not to come, if I had filled her spot than there would be no place for her to play. I just couldn't find the timing to ask her if she was coming or not.

Well, one of the players didnt like this decision, she has always been our loud mouth, she was so vocal that it was tough to try to ignore her when she wouldn't shut up. she just kept saying that I should of done it differently, Whatever, I couldn't have lived w/myself if I had, and it was only 1 practice! We have them 52 wks a yr.
That was yesterday, I was so hungry just being pist about how crappy it felt.

Today i send out the league line up, she sends me a msg via text that I should punish the girls who didn't make practice (got subs) and play her higher. I tell her that it's not my job to punish adults, We have a certain place in our line up we play that we do challenges to play for. "If you want to play higher than challenge up" she says that I prob didnt think about it since I dont think about much. I couldn't believe it. I tell her that the line up is as the league standard and the girls are strong enough to hold each line, she texts back "that;s your opinion" I text back, "I am going to spend time w/my family if you want to "call" me tomm, please do so, thank you.

I am so pist that this B**ch, is throwing out crap at me, if I told anyone about it on my team they would just say "That's Eswina for you" most think she is rude and has really poor sportsmanship. I certainly do. She is always telling me I am her great friend and kissing me on the cheek, I always think this is so out of character. I think my new name for her will be sybil! crazy! or psycho! The biggest prob is she is my best friends tennis partner. ]

Ann my BF told me that she wants to play w/me in our other league Thurs, now I hope Ann doesn't want to rock the boat. I just hate mean people, Eswina has always been the meanest. Oh well you can't make a dove out of a lion. grrrrr now my job isnot to eat about it.

Oh and not only that happened, my gson wouldn't go to the Jr high church group I found him to try w/his cousins tonight, he layed in his room depressed instead, and my hubs went golfing w/my SIL and proceeded to get home smelling seriouly of alchol. I sent him to our room to leave me alone, I am done!

Edited by: MACILINN at: 1/7/2014 (23:59)
~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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PATTYR81's Photo PATTYR81 Posts: 556
1/7/14 6:25 P

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Sad today. emoticon

My dad passed 11/20/12. He made me sole beneficiary of his WWII VA life insurance - I found out it was deposited in my acct today. Makes me SAD and LOST all over again. Been binging on decaf coffee and snacky foods all day. emoticon

I'm glad I found this thread cuz I've been figuratively pounding my head wondering what to do to feel better.

Thanks for being here

RNY 10/8/12

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"So much has changed yet who I am finding is my old self again." DSCROW's blog 8/1/13


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1/7/14 4:58 P

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Today I slipped up and are my emotions.
The food did not provide solutions.
The trigger? Feeling generally over whelmed and behind at work.

Post binge I was able to pick myself up, create and prioritize a to do list. By dinner I am nearly done my list.

Next time... Skip the binge... It provides nothing except wasted time!

If it is to be, it is up to me!


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1/7/14 3:32 P

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&$#()@)(#_%*#$(%&*@)&@#$*!!!!!

SERIOUSLY PEOPLE. LET'S BE GROWN UPS SINCE THIS IS WORK!?!?!

#)$*@#)%&)#$)!*_#$#!!!!!

Vent over.

Everything that is now easy was once hard.

Working on untying my self worth from my success or struggles


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1/2/14 6:17 A

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so glad this thread is here. today I am in ship shape, but who knows what tommorrow will bring, it's great to have a place to vent!

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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12/28/13 10:55 P

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I am a mess today :( I'm super tired, the weather went from 5 degrees to -30 literally overnight (tank top outside yesterday, had to plug in the car today) so I've got a wicked headache and my 5 year old has developed some kind of 15 year old attitude that I"m trying to deal with in a positive and constructive and respectful way and my husband picked up a night shift so after all of that I'M STINKIN LONELY tonight.

I was already over what I'd wanted to eat today and then just lost control. 2 slices of toast (grain free, I can't tolerate grains), with about a whole tablespoon of butter, and 3 EXTRA dates on top of the SIX I'd already had today. I am still miles ahead of where I was a couple of days ago considering none of this was processed food or frankenfood but now I'm WAAAAAY over my goal and worse than that is the fact that I felt totally out of control.

How do you go from telling yourself in your head to stop eating, to ACTUALLY stopping???

GAAHHHH :( :( :(

Everything that is now easy was once hard.

Working on untying my self worth from my success or struggles


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11/21/13 2:19 P

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May God give you strength to deal with all this.

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11/20/13 9:07 A

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Feeling down today , I hope it doesn't blow my program again ! I dont want to have an emotional day when I over eat and smoke more as I have been so good at cutting down. I dont want to hurt myself because I am hurt by others . I go back and forth between feeling like used and wanting to do for others that I love because I love them . and yet I feel like I am being mind molested , that my heart is being inappropriately touched. I think I need to be alone and away from people that make me feel so ashamed for loving them because I dont feel any reciprocity from them and still I dont want to hurt them even though caring for them is hurting me both mentally and physically .Such blue confusion :(

"everyone is made out of the same cloth ,its up to you if your the table cloth or the dish rag" Patti LaBelle


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11/15/13 2:54 P

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So nice to have a place to vent. It just feels like I've hit a negative cycle since our wedding Sept. 7. Husband's 19 year old daughter hates that her dad is changing and had a melt-down at our wedding...glared at us through the whole reception speech-making...now I have to try and be civil through Christmas?

Five minutes after landing in Canada after our honeymoon, started getting hate emails from son's ex( mother of my only bio-grandchild), then came the hate emails from her parents to me....geeeesh...also blaming me. What 60 year old parents DO stuff like that. They all want to blame me that son and ex and baby aren't one happy family. I don't have that kind of power for goodness sakes. They broke up because of their own drug issues. They live far from me. I have rarely had any influence over my son...certainly not now. BUT...I do support him in his decision to be alone and get clean. That's a hard thing to do if you are living with an addict.
So...I am their scapegoat and focus of their anger.

Then my only daughter told me that they won't be having any children...through their choice, not health issues. I am having to deal with grieving the loss of ever being a hands-on grandma...without laying any of my feelings on my daughter whom I only want to be happy.

Then...after 5 years of peace and healing I started hearing from my ex. An ex that did tons of damage to my life through his crack cocaine addiction. He is now in a 12 step program and has decided he must make amends with me and that it HAS to be face to face...etc, etc. I am angry and resentful that he is back in my sphere of life. It feels like scars being ripped open. Just who is this "making amends" step for anyways?? There's no way he can fix what he had done. Face to face I may very well punch him in the head like I wanted to at the end of our marriage.

So...then comes the stuffing my feelings down with food because I am a "calm, stoic, strong person that is never violent or screechy....

Edited by: CARPEOMNIA at: 11/15/2013 (14:56)


Don't have a wish-bone where your back-bone should be!



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SWEETISHA1's Photo SWEETISHA1 Posts: 590
11/9/13 3:19 A

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The stif neck is caused as you have too much stress take some calming tea and try to rest your shoulder, looking after your posture will help relieve it ; example sitting straight with shoulders downpushingyour face and chin into your neck but not looking down,.. it will take a few times and then you will feel its working..
success with working out your problem , hope it worked out..
Tisha

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LBJNIC's Photo LBJNIC Posts: 541
11/6/13 11:40 P

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thank you super emoticon lynn

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SUPER_ACE115's Photo SUPER_ACE115 Posts: 5,271
11/6/13 11:30 P

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You can always vent here. Sorry things are so rough right now.

Jeremiah 29:11 ~~ "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."




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LBJNIC's Photo LBJNIC Posts: 541
11/6/13 8:34 P

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all i could do for the last 5 hours is cry. i just ate a whole bunch of crackers, and i don't feel any better. oh, my goodness i'm like so depressed. i had an argument with someone tonight and now i really feel bad. i think we patched things up, but i'm not so sure. i'll find out tomorrow. and to top that all off, i have a sore elbow and it is swollen and someone told me we'd take care of it tomorrow. i am counting on that. and, the staff member that had words with me tonight told me to take a nice hot shower to calm myself down, so i did and i did something to my neck that made it stiff, so that hurts now. i just need to calm down so i can go to bed and wake up tomorrow with a good brain so my head will clear up. well, i feel bad about eating the crackers, but i feel better and tired just writing about it. thank you for letting me vent. hugs to each and every one of you. i hope you rest well and have a good day tomorrow. i think i will. no, i KNOW i will.

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SUPER_ACE115's Photo SUPER_ACE115 Posts: 5,271
10/24/13 6:09 A

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I don't have an answer for you, but I can understand where you are coming from. emoticon All I can tell you is I try to focus on the good changes I'm making and how I feel when I "stay on track." Sometimes that helps and other times it doesn't.

Jeremiah 29:11 ~~ "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."




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BLUEBEEBIRD's Photo BLUEBEEBIRD Posts: 16
10/22/13 4:40 P

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Hello to everyone here! I have been putting off involvement in this team for far too long. I'm 23 years old, currently living in Ireland as an au pair and.. despite the change of scenery which I thought would help keep the boredom at bay, I'm still definitely an emotional eater. I've known that I had an emotional eating problem for a while now. I've been overweight most of my life, and about four years ago I lost about 40 pounds which I've been able to maintain for the most part, except that I've been able to get it down to a total of 60 pounds of a loss at times.. but alas, emotions rage and I am back up.

I will admit, I just don't understand myself. I'm frustrated that I am obsessed with eating, and if I'm in a "good" period- I'm still obsessed with what I'm not eating. I just want to feel like I'm living life fully in the present and not having half my mind constantly on the next time I'll be able to eat some chocolate. I feel like my eating habits are chaotic, like I'll be doing great and then all of a sudden a few extra spoonfuls turns into another bowl turns into a full fledged binge.

Does anyone have any tips for someone like myself?? What do you guys do to figure things out when the going gets rough?

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10/22/13 4:38 P

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HLTHAPPINESS4C, I went through a remarkably similar break up this year myself. I know, it totally sucks! But you're a smart person to know that its best for both of you, and just realize that you had your reasons, and if you got back together with the person (as I did) you'll just be prolonging the inevitable and I can 99.99% guarantee you'll be unhappy. Right now you're probably remembering all the good times.. all the things that he did right. But try to remember the bad things! Try to remember when he made you upset. You say, "Why can't I do what needs to be done?!!" But you DID do what needs to be done! Don't beat yourself up about being sad, its only human. I promise that in time you will move on and be better off without him. Find something to distract yourself, for me it was re-reading the Harry Potter books! emoticon I wish you all the best. You are strong, I promise!!!
emoticon


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VKKESU's Photo VKKESU Posts: 969
9/16/13 2:18 P

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HLTHAPPINESS4C You aren't a failure. You're human. Life is tough and relationships are difficult. If you know what needs to be done, you just have to do it. It won't be easier for a while unless you find some distraction. Use this as a good time to make good habits. Use exercise as a distraction. Start walking more or doing something physical. It will help with the stress.

You have to stand up for what you need or your life will never move on.

Good luck !! Blogging also really helps with stress and to put things into perspective.

If you don't love yourself....how can you expect others to.


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HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 21,201
9/15/13 8:28 P

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emoticon Breaking up with boyfriend sucks. I don't want to and yet I know it is for the best for each of us. What really stinks is that I didn't hold my ground in keeping the boundaries of WE ARE DONE, FINISHED... Instead I let him sweet talk me into just needing space and he will give that to me. UGH so mad at myself. Why can't I just do what needs to be done?!!! I want to cry, but my fibro is flared and emotional stress only makes it worse. I am hungry, but afraid that If I start to eat it will just turn into a big binge. Sigh...I feel like a failure.

Cynthia~~~ A follower of Jesus Christ!!

Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Co-Leader of Dealing with Anxiety Team!

Co-Leader of L.I.F.T Ladies in Fellowship together


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SWEETISHA1's Photo SWEETISHA1 Posts: 590
9/14/13 7:51 A

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take a snack or you might end up with diabetes, through not eating regularly to keep your body using the right glucose, your liver will start releasing glucose if it believes your hungry, so the fat does not get used up but accumulates..
so i recommend a little snack cracker with peanut butter or a bran cereal or oatmeal.. but be careful with the portions you only need a small amount..
succesTisha

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ROBINRS's Photo ROBINRS Posts: 1,485
9/13/13 8:29 P

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Was doing well staying in or near my nutrition goals all week then...someone brought a treat to work and I snacked nearly a days worth of calories. Argh! Why do I keep doing the same stuff again and again emoticon You would think I'd learn. Now I haven't had supper and have no calories left. Do I go ahead and eat knowing that I will really go over my limits which will make me feel even more miserable. Do I skip supper which will just make me feel deprived emoticon and probably overly hungry by breakfast or possibly end up night binging. think I'll just have some fruit and call that my meal.Just when I start feeling good about my food and exercise choices I blow it and can't seem to sop beating myself up about it.I need to not let this throw me back into that uncontrolled feeling. emoticon

Edited by: ROBINRS at: 9/14/2013 (08:56)
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CEECABA's Photo CEECABA SparkPoints: (5,322)
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9/5/13 9:48 P

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Work is stressing me out, I haven't been completing my short term goal to run 4 miles a week (only did 0.80 and it's almost the end of the week because it seems like I don't have time .. lets face it.. I'm not motivated), and with all these emotional, dramatic, stressful things going on in my life I'm all alone at night in this apartment -- I just wanna order a pizza and eat the whole damn thing. But I'm trying to resist and I feel horrible.. ugh I think I'm just gonna go to bed.

Best of Luck,

Christina

"If you always put a limit on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them"
Bruce Lee (1940 - 1973)


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HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 21,201
8/20/13 9:36 A

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Well this morning sucks....I'm not really in the mood to rant because it's mostly petty stuff. But I am so fed up and so witchy. I feel like a monster. emoticon

Cynthia~~~ A follower of Jesus Christ!!

Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Co-Leader of Dealing with Anxiety Team!

Co-Leader of L.I.F.T Ladies in Fellowship together


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HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 21,201
8/7/13 1:01 P

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Arrrrgggghhhhh!!!

My boyfriend needs to learn when to keep his mouth shut, Sometimes he just treats me like a child. I am not a little kid and I don't need a father. I need someone compassionate and caring; not someone who hounds me to get stuff done. When he is like that it triggers my PTSD because I divorced an abusive man who did similar things. I'm really upset, and I have to keep telling myself he is not my ex. Easier said than done.

I exploded and screamed and yelled. He didn't deserve that...I just don't know a better way to talk to him to get my point across. Now I feel angry with self, at him, and guilty for being a jerk.

I just want to cry. I did a little and then took a walk, but I still feel badly.

Thank you for this safe place to vent.

Cynthia~~~ A follower of Jesus Christ!!

Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Co-Leader of Dealing with Anxiety Team!

Co-Leader of L.I.F.T Ladies in Fellowship together


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WITHNEWEYES's Photo WITHNEWEYES SparkPoints: (3,159)
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8/5/13 3:39 A

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Hi everyone,
I am really in desperate need of some support and just to vent. I don't come on spark regularly because it somehow overwhelms me. But here's the thing. I am lost. I am scared. I am frustrated. I am angry. I am jealous. I am afraid. I am ashamed. I am embarrassed. I want to hide. I am apathetic. I just don't know what to do anymore. I've been struggling for about 3 months with compulsive overeating. I am talking about really binging non-stop. And I've gained about 25 pounds less than two months. I am embarrassed and ashamed to go to work or even see people. See the thing is I'd lost over 200 pounds in about two years ago, and I maintained my weight for several months. But then life happen you know, and I just got deeper and deeper into my addiction. I try daily to stick to what I'd plan for that day, but then I end up eating something I hadn't and then continue to binge throughout the day. I do struggle with anxiety & depression and I see my family doctor regularly to talk about things. I also meet with a life coach to work my other trauma issues. And I've been seeking out some other clinicians support but it just seems like I can't get a hold on things. I've been reading a book on food addiction which I completely admit that I have. However, I just feel like I am in too deep to climb out of this pit alone. I do try. I agree with it's principles that I am a sugar addict. I just don't know where to begin anymore. How to start over again. I see the way my co-workers look at me. I feel like a failure, although I know that I am not. Just because I regain a little bit of weight doesn't mean I am failure. But even still that little bit of weight whether 10-30 pounds is alarming from me. I don't want to go back to being 335 pounds. Nor do I want to remain at 173 pounds either. I want to be back at 135-140. I am just so frustrated. None of my clothes fit. I just feel so disgusted with myself and mad at life. There was a lot of change and events that occurred within these last few months. I really would like to cut sugar out of my way of eating completely. However, the withdrawals from cutting things out makes you feel like your going to die. Yes, I am being dramatic. I haven't been able to get through one day without binging. I just feel like I am stuck. I am scared that I'll never regain that since of stability and control again over food.

EMILY0724's Photo EMILY0724 SparkPoints: (46,127)
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8/4/13 9:02 A

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Hi everyone. I'm new to this team, but not the site. It looks like this is the place to vent and I REALLY need this! So here goes.

My mother is my diet saboteur. She and I have had a strained relationship for years. Everyone tells me that you only have one mother and I will miss her when she's gone. So in efforts to retain a semblance of a descent relationship, I have made efforts to be more honest with her about my feelings and to respond positively when she reaches out to me--even when her efforts are manipulative or controlling (which is her forte).

in the spring of 2012, I had lost 40 pounds. I had a relationship end abruptly and was devastated. Even though she disapproved of this relationship and I knew she would be relieved that it was over, I expressed my distress to her. I began visiting her more often. She began making strawberry cakes--one of my all time favorites. I lost count of the number of cakes she made and found myself visiting just to eat cake. I stopped tracking my food and exercising and gained 20 pounds.

This January, I re-committed to my weight loss goals and have lost 25 pounds.

She has gained weight over the years and is well over 200 pounds. She's miserable. She began exercising and dieting (not a lifestyle change kind of diet) and lost some weight. We started getting together and making batches of salads. And it was fun! Then she re-injured a knee. Her exercise and diet stopped.

We are country people from the South and her cooking habits tend to be laden with sugar and fat. Fried veggies. Gravy. Desserts after every meal.

Yesterday she called and asked if I wanted to help her bake. She was cooking for pot luck at church today. She had made a German chocolate cake that needed to be iced. She wanted to make a coconut sour cream pound cake and cupcakes.

I was proud of my first response. I told her that I didn't really want to expose myself to the temptation of baking sweets--(I knew I would take little tastes here and there. I knew I would eat a whole piece of at least one thing--maybe more.) So I just said no.

I was even more proud of myself for my second response: "I can't believe you asked me to do this!"

I think she's jealous of my successful lifestyle change and my weight loss.

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HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 21,201
8/1/13 5:11 P

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My cry/rant/ whatever u want to call it.

Already shed some tears. My fibro hurts and I was trying to take a nap with my boyfriend. We have been dating for 9 months. He is dead set that I am the one he wants to marry. However, I am not ready to marry. I was in a really bad marriage and the divorce finalized April 1,2011. I still have a lil baggage to get rid of. Anyhow I love my boyfriend. He has been good to me in so many ways. But today his words really hurt me and I really wonder how he really feels. He told me he wanted to marry me and asked me if I wanted that. I said no, not now. He said, what are u never going to remarry. Am I waiting in vain? Should I just move forward and find someone else?" I was stunned. I can only imagine his frustration at my wanting to hold off, but really...where the hello did that come from???? emoticon It cut me deeply like a knife and I couldn't help but cry. I can't see how a person really loves u but sees you as indispensable. He is a very insecure person. I told him I was hurt and that I needed my space. He tried to make me feel better, but it was useless. I just shut down. Then he told me I was punishing him by leaving his place. (we live in same building) I said no...just needed time and space. Why can't he get that? How the hello am I supposed to feel? I am so mad at myself for allowing myself to get close to him. I don't know where to go from here, but I do know I need some serious prayer time.

Cynthia~~~ A follower of Jesus Christ!!

Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Co-Leader of Dealing with Anxiety Team!

Co-Leader of L.I.F.T Ladies in Fellowship together


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SEASONSPASS's Photo SEASONSPASS Posts: 8
7/19/13 11:54 P

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Hey, MDJoyner4!
That sounds really hard! You mentioned a number of things that are difficult in the best of times, and you are doing them all at once. I think acknowledging how hard it is, as you did, is a great first step. What I've heard about parenting research is that parent self-care is one of the biggest protectors for children. It sounds like you're under the gun, but if there's any way you can do something nice for yourself on a regular basis, that would be great. Sometimes it's easier for moms to do this if they can think of taking care of themselves as something they are doing for their children. I realize you probably have zero available time right now, but think about what you can let go or delegate. You and your kids are what is most important. Don't sweat the small, or even the big, stuff! Easy for me to say, right? Good luck, and let us know how it's going.

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MFORDHAM3's Photo MFORDHAM3 SparkPoints: (4,475)
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7/14/13 9:43 A

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So I don't want to give up, but yet I do. I am trying my best and I am still 6 pounds heavier than what I should be right now. What threw me off was taking a family vacation, how am I ever going to lose weight?! Or even maintain it, once (if) I finally get there?! It's really discouraging and I don't know what to do about it.

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GUILDWARSGIRL Posts: 593
7/8/13 11:24 P

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Here's my rant for the day:

I am so tired of the saboteurs. Everyone says" you don't need to lose weight", "you're too thin already", "that's not all you're gonna eat, is it", etc, etc, etc. SHUT UP ALREADY! IT'S MY BODY. I only want to get to 130 pounds, it's not like I strive for a 100 pound me! I know I would look horrible at 100 pounds because I have a large frame, even though I am short. I was at 130 pounds before and I thought I looked great. Just want to get there and stay there. Sometimes I feel like misery loves company and they want me to stay heavy or get heavier because they are not happy with themselves. If that's your aspiration, go for it, but STOP TRYING TO DRAG ME DOWN WITH YOU. From now on, I make my decisions and stick to them.
Whew, I feel better now.

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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
6/20/13 4:11 A

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Hey MD, I hear ya girl. What helps me is journaling, seriously, I am not taking about the preety little book kind, I am talking get a spiral notebook and start writing, if you do it in the bathtub w/the door closed it's even better. First i write my thoughts, feelings, anger etc, than i write how I want to respond. What is my next move, Than sometimes I ask god to please come help me with this situation, or if I am just sick of it, take it! do with it as he wishes.

Anger is a big bear just trying to take over, give it a place to growl. I know what you mean about losing focus when you focus on something else, i am so guilty of that. I have had a tough time keeping on track since the gkids got off school, it's been so busy around here, prob similar to your home! What I do know is that I make myself last alot. I need to post a time that the computer is mine, and not feel guilty when I take the time to do my sparking. When I spark I keep focused on my goals, when I don't, I start gaining again. I want to be my best today, mentally, physically and spiritually, Sparking keeps them all in my focus.

Good luck w/your move, my hubs is a retired Marine, I know about raising kids and doing moves by myself, what I know is that you just have to do the best you can. You can't do it all! Let the less important stuff go, it will be there when hubs comes home, than he can help you with it!

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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MDJOYNER4 SparkPoints: (480)
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6/16/13 7:20 P

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I am struggling today with anger. We are moving in a week, I am trying to loose weight, money is very tight, I homeschool my children and my husband has been gone due to work for over a month. My problem is when I try to focus on one thing other areas fail. I am trying to pack for the move so the laundry falls behind, I try to exercise and get mad at the children for interrupting me. We try to get school done and I am distracted by thinking of money, move or weight. All in all the end result is anger, either directed at myself, my children, my husband or a combination of all.

I do not control m anger very well to begin with and when I feel super stressed it comes out in spades. I know I am not really mad at my children but I find myself getting upset with them because they are there and some silly thing they do just tips me over the edge. How do I put my feelings aside with out suppressing them because then they will come around later only magnified?

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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
6/4/13 11:45 P

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robin- get to the Dr's! Us EE'ers don't do well with deadlines anyways, you know that! Congrads on losing that 5 again, woohoo for you, maybe if you give yourself a brk and keep doing what was working for ya, the next w/i you will be even less than the one before this! Than you will get 2 woohoo's from the Doc!

I started a challenge on Jan 1st, I was 167.8 last time I cked I was 165.4 that was a few days ago. during this yr I have been 161 and it's grrrrrr aweful to know I did it again, so now my plan is to get there again the same way i got there the first time, trackin, sparkin, and moving! You can do it too! You already know how, let's get er done!

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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ROBINRS's Photo ROBINRS Posts: 1,485
5/29/13 9:17 A

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Since before Christmas I started having issues with veinous ulcers and have had two failed surgeries to close off a bad vein. During all this I pretty much let the emotional roller coaster take over, left spark people and was very inconsistent about any type of food plan - really couldn't do much in way of exercise. Surprise - I gained over 10 pounds. emoticon Yikes !! (Emotional eater -me?) Anyway I have been working to get back to healthy business for the past few weeks and have lost 5 of those pounds. It has been six months since I last saw my general Dr. and have an appointment on Tuesday. Last visit he complimented me on weight loss. I am thinking about postponing my appointment for two weeks- Just another 4 pound loss and I will be less than my last visit. Can't decide which will be healthier for me - facing the Dr and reality of weight gain or putting myself under the added pressure of a new deadline. Argh! emoticon

Edited by: ROBINRS at: 5/29/2013 (09:21)
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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
5/17/13 7:58 A

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done!

Edited by: MACILINN at: 5/21/2013 (18:33)
~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
5/13/13 8:46 A

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done again!

Edited by: MACILINN at: 5/21/2013 (18:34)
~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
5/11/13 4:34 A

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sick of this problem. deleted it!

Edited by: MACILINN at: 5/21/2013 (18:34)
~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
5/3/13 5:20 P

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I posted my grrrr on the daily sign in today, already i am feeling way better! Oh life is good.

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
5/2/13 5:39 P

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I am erasing all my past posts! I am so happy I had this place to vent "my stuff" i will be venting again when needed. woohoo, today I am EE free! emoticon

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
4/30/13 11:19 P

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have a great day!

Edited by: MACILINN at: 5/2/2013 (17:39)
~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
4/30/13 1:21 A

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Keep Sparking!

Edited by: MACILINN at: 5/2/2013 (17:40)
~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
4/26/13 8:05 P

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Hang in there Jesse, just do what you can to study for the exam. Kudos for you for not reaching for the munchies, when I need to munch I use popcorn. Smart pop has a bag that the whole bag is 100 cals. exercise can take the edge off too!

Try to remember you will get through this, you are a good mom and sounds like you have a really loving hubs. So glad you wrote, use this thread to share your fears. we are here w/ya girl.

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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JESSERMOVICK's Photo JESSERMOVICK SparkPoints: (9,717)
Fitness Minutes: (2,912)
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4/26/13 9:59 A

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Fighting with emotional eating today. No job still, no vehicle, and husband has scraped together enough money for me to take a computer repair and Tshoot exam. If I do not pass, we are out the money he worked so hard to save for me, and I will possibly be even longer without a job.

Thankfully, my kitchen is free of the chips, sodas, and cakes that used to be kept in the cupboards, but very difficult not to have husband go fetch me some drive through junk!

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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
4/23/13 2:14 P

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Never ever be ashamed of what haunts you! Things get to us, no matter how big or small, your jobless, carless situation is as much of a crisis as someones washing machine brking down to them. It's the emotions at get us, when we feel "jacked up" as i put it, we cannot not think right and start finding things to settle ourminds and souls, the easiest thing is food! (for me) I am trying to learn to turn to something different. One crisis , drama, situation at a time.

WE can do this Maja, we can do this, we can get over the humps together, please post your woes, maybe someone will read yours and think, wow Life is so good for me,and start counting their blessings too! Glad you posted!

HOpe the car/job situation takes care of itself soon, until then enjoy your walks!!!

Edited by: MACILINN at: 5/2/2013 (17:43)
~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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MAJARULES2011's Photo MAJARULES2011 Posts: 22
4/21/13 10:26 P

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After reading a little of this forum I find some of the things I let bug me are so petty in comparison that I am truly ashamed of myself. Although I am currently unemployed and now have no car I need to thank God everyday for the little things. Trust in him and everything else will work itself out.

I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me! Phil 4:13


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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
4/17/13 5:07 P

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Happy May to you all!

Edited by: MACILINN at: 5/2/2013 (17:43)
~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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TURTLE69's Photo TURTLE69 Posts: 30,297
4/16/13 7:17 P

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Maci, I'm sorry you had so much drama in your life the last couple of days and I'm sorry your trip got cancelled. It sounds like something my mom would do if she didn't get her way. I don't think she would cancel the trip as much as she would make you feel guilty by not doing what she wanted. I know my mom picks on my about how I dress, my weight, my hair, everything. She is always trying to make me feel guilty if I don't do something she wants me to do. For instance, if she thinks I should come over and pull her weeds from her flower beds and I don't come over when she thinks I should, she will put me on a guilt trip. She can make me feel bad about the food I eat. She was always good at that. If she wants something done, you better do it right away or she gets mad. She's a trip. So I can sympathize with what you're going through. Don't let it get you down. There's someone else out there with a mom that causes them heartburn.

Vanessa

“Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."
Confucius

"God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference." ?


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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
4/16/13 5:59 P

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It's funny, the drama below is long over, and I feel so serene now, I learned a thing or two what i learned is all the mental crap I put into it was over in a flash. Today I am happy go lucky, Yesterday morning was filled w/drama and tears (below) This tells me that the things that seem sooo important may not be in the matter of minutes. I will learn from this. I will try to remember this to shall pass.

I do not live in high drama usually and even yesterdays was self imposed, I hate to admit that. One day someone said "Maci you have a tough life" I was shocked, I have the easiest life ever, people around me have tough lives I just seem to jump into the drama and fear of theirs sometimes. I'm learning slowly but surely!

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
4/15/13 4:41 P

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Life is good! I can be strong and caring! I can , i can, I can!!!

Edited by: MACILINN at: 5/2/2013 (17:44)
~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
4/15/13 9:25 A

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Life is good, time to enjoy it!

Edited by: MACILINN at: 5/2/2013 (17:45)
~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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FREEBASS Posts: 380
4/14/13 4:11 P

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Thank you for your beautiful, thoughtful and sensitive responses.

I',m becoming aware of what I'm NOT aware of....the stuff of what binges are made of. I want to make a goal that I will have more days during the week that I don't binge, as opposed to waking up daily feeling awful for what I did to myself the night before.

Getting tired of lugging this extra 20 pounds around. They seem to represent the emotions I'm carrying of which I am only partially connected to.

MACILINN's Photo MACILINN Posts: 6,558
4/14/13 10:21 A

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Hi free- Oh I am so sorry, I am also glad they have this thread, luckily today I feel free of conflict but who knows what tomm will bring, I know for me, it takes constant chatter about the things that I fear I cannot change, so it looks like this is a good place for women like us who need to vent our feelings about issues. Yours is a toughie, Please read my into to the team, I also had a life events that put me in a spiral to eating uncontrolable again.

What helps me when i find that I need to talk alot about something and fear taking up to many posts about it, is that I go back to my last post and delete it and rewrite where I am again, I hve never been on a place though that it is safe to keep on posting till you get through it. I am so glad you shared, keep sharing,

One of the things that really has helped me alot is getting a spiral notebook *99Cents, and writing in it whenever I start to feel irritated, noone but you needs to read it! I find that I usually start w/curse words sometimes but by the end of the page I have come to a loving solution,. Just a suggestion. Thanks ladies for having this safe place for ladies like us!

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


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