Sometimes I am ok. I saw him for his 30th birthday (he is not in contact with any other family). He wore his sleeveless shirt and shorts - omg. I feel blessed that he trusts me enough to let me see him where he is. I wish I could unsee those veins and unhear how very low he is emotionally. I finally slept for a whole night. I thank you so much for writing back. He gave me a gift to let me walk along side -not unlike when my dear aunt was dying of cancer (my mother was murdered when I was a week shy of 14). In God's hands indeed - I am quite sure no earthly help will change this sad downhill slide.
Your message was/ is a real boost -- support! It is awful == he has stayed in contact with me, and only me, for weeks. But, I came to the realization that he was faking it so I would continue funding his appointment to get his Suboxone refills. He has been using most of the Suboxone pills as currency to buy drugs, then getting clean just long enough to pass the pee test to get his refill. After I told him I would not pay for just the pill unless he got counseling and regular frequent urine tests, he texted me "Fu$$ it" Then he wrote back "i know you want what is best for me" -- and he has turned his phone off and is apparently missing. I can't sleep but I am still going through the motions of my life that kept me sane before. I cannot thank you enough for this message -- this day.
I'm sorry to hear that your son is having such problems with addiction. Is there anyway of discussing a possible rehab facility with him. I know they aren't cheap but if it is an option and he would actually go it might be worth exploring. He however needs to make the choice to get clean and it doesn't sound like now is that time for him.
I hope that things work out for him and that he is able to get clean and enjoy time with his sons.
my beautiful only child, a son, will turn 30 on June 10 -- if he lives that long,. He struggles with addiction - heroin and apparently the saboxone treatment I have helped pay for lead him to now use cocaine. he is set to lose his license, he is about to lose his lights and water; he has no job, sleeps all day and just this week , the mothers of his sons have refused visits with him. He says life is not worth living. I just got to my Spark weight goal, my friends are really great, but I do not want to keep dumping on them; al anon has helped some, but since SP helped my weight loss so much, i thought I would give this a try. I am so trying to have hope, to stay detached and not judgmental. he is a wonderful person -- a genius with a funny caring heart (except when he is taken over by these demons as he is now)
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