i have been on this insane emotional roller coaster of a life since the day the OB/GYN told my mom, congrats, its a baby girl. I will say for starters I have never, ever ever been thin or anything related to it. I have always been a healthy girl. it wasnt until I had children when whatever was holding my midsection together was broken.
lately i have done tons of self evaulation, and needless to say, i have been harsher than i should.
there is so much anger, so much bitterness, so much bad food choices.
While going through my eldest childs bookbag I was pleased to see that he had written a poem. Being a lover of the spoken word (even the elementary kind!) he wrote a poem, I love all the food.
At first I shared it with my husband as a secret giggle... and then it all began to sink in.
oh my God! I love all the food too.
I dont remember it word for word, " Oh how I love all the food. Cookies, cake, burgers and fries. hot dogs, not boiled but the grilled kind..." then as Im sitting at home on the couch I realized that I was making love with the chocolate ice cream I was eating, I really love this. then I asked why does it have to taste so good.
I walk thru the grocery store. I go down the isle where the cookies and crackers and crap is(im there because thats where they keep the rice cakes - i really love them too) I know what I should buy, I know what I should eat and further more I know I can do this - I was on a mission a few months ago, and I worked out 4-5 times a week went on a vegetarian diet and lost 23lbs... then i stopped and i gained it all back. so I look at my self in the mirror and lament openly to my reflection fat a**! I do this at least 4 times a day.
As Samul Jackson said, "enough is enough, I have had it with these" ... well you know the rest.
so here I am. I am on a mission (yet again) to love who I see in the mirror. to be able to do things with my husband and feel like a damn whale, to rund around with my kids without the fear that people are probaly laughing and hoping I dont fall on the little ones and kill them.
essential in this life: humor!
| current weight: 286.7