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CATHYGETSFIT's Photo CATHYGETSFIT Posts: 7,776
7/23/13 4:13 A

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Welcome to the team! We are definitely here to support you. It sounds like you have a lot to work out but if he's your soul mate then I'm sure the two of you will find a way to work things out. Good luck with all of it!

Cathy (Central Time Zone)
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KNTRYMAMA08 SparkPoints: (39)
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7/22/13 10:25 P

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I'm definitely planning to talk when I'm there. I know he mentioned that I have to meet his doctor since he's Army, so hopefully he'll have that set up for while I'm there. I know he's who I'm meant to spend my life with, not a single doubt in my mind... I just hate dealing with all of this long distance cuz it's so hard for me to bring it up. That's just it - I don't want to play the guessing game with how things are meant, in person we can see body language and there's no doubt with what is being said.

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7/22/13 10:23 P

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He's already on meds, he's known he's positive for about a year now.. It's more of I feel like I need to be more involved in knowing what's going on with his end of things, ya know?

I actually knew he was positive even before we went on our first date. But, having known him my whole life and already feeling the connection we did just through texting and talking online, I knew I couldn't not give him a chance no matter what. Told him that was a bridge we could cross when the time came.

I definitely plan on talking about everything in depth when I'm there next month.

SEASONS_CHANGE_'s Photo SEASONS_CHANGE_ SparkPoints: (86,814)
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7/21/13 11:10 P

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I'm with everyone else on this. Communication is key and will be better when you visit him in a month. More can be said through body language that is missed during communication via Internet. I'm very happy that you found your soul mate and keep us posted on the progress. We're all here for you and your guy.

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"How far that little candle throws its beams! So shines a good deed in a naughty world."
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PHEBESS's Photo PHEBESS Posts: 32,761
7/21/13 7:46 P

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Yeah, you definitely need to talk to him. Very important that he be on medication, because that's the only way to prevent symptoms. And it impacts your life as well.

Can you start by telling him that you can't imagine life without him, that he's your soul mate (or whatever), and begin with that? That you work in healthcare and that you suspect he's HIV +? And go from there?

And yes, we're all here to support each other - I married a man I had been dating for 7 years before he showed up + (he had a series of negative tests, it wasn't until he was symptomatic that he was identified as HIV +). As you said, I couldn't imagine life without him - and it's just another disease, albeit a misunderstood one.

So the team can be your support network, right?

Big hugs to you!!!

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TWEETYKC00's Photo TWEETYKC00 Posts: 82,196
7/21/13 6:37 P

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Welcome to the team! Communication is very important and the sooner you talk thru this, the better for you both. I am so glad you have him in your life now.

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7/21/13 5:35 P

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Thanks :) I think I will be to...lol

WHOVIAN85's Photo WHOVIAN85 Posts: 861
7/21/13 5:33 P

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welcome, I'm glad you joined emoticon

"The good things donít always soften the bad things ó but vice versa ó the bad things donít necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant."
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7/21/13 5:15 P

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I was recommended this group by someone on another site, debated on actually joining and posting...but I figured I'd take a chance and see what I find as I know how important it is having a support network who understands.

I'm in a somewhat new relationship with a guy I've known my entire life. Growing up, I couldn't even say he was a really good friend, but when we got back in touch it was like everything fell into place perfectly for us. I realized quick that I couldn't imagine not having him in my life anymore, this was what I wanted.

We both beat around the bush for awhile about having something, but not saying what. Eventually I put the pieces of the puzzle together and realized he was HIV+. Rather than go to him right away, I decided to do my research and see what I could learn. Working in healthcare HIV isn't totally foreign to me, so I know how it is and isn't transmitted, but beyond that, I was pretty clueless. I have herpes, have for over 5 years, so I know that stigmas and misconceptions tend to overrule everything else.

After learning what I could in that time, I realized that my fear of losing him was still way way greater than my fear of him having this. That hasn't changed and I don't see it changing in the future. I know communication between him and I is going to be extremely important...and it's great with everything except for this. I honestly don't have a lot of questions at this point as far as HIV itself...we've put sex on the back burner thus far...and I know there's things I need to and want to ask in regards to him specifically - how his recent tests results have come back, meds...that kinda stuff, I'm just having a hard time with initiating the conversation. He's stationed 17 hours away from me with the military, so we're also juggling long distance for right now. I'm hoping that when I go down there, hopefully in about a month, I'll be able to open up more and really have these conversations.

I can't imagine anyone else in my life - not today, not next week, not 10 years from now. Most of the time I do fine, but I have moments that it's hard to wrap my head around everything too.

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