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HOUNDLOVER1's Photo HOUNDLOVER1 Posts: 7,904
11/13/11 11:47 A

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@fragilewriter,
I've heard that experience before, although never had it myself but I've been in the normal weight range for a long time now so may not remember. I'm wondering if people who have always been thin or at least never have been extremely overweight have to deal with this less than people who lost a lot of weight. People who use to be extremely overweight often live around other people who have weight problems and there is more a chance of jealousy developing. It might not even be intentional when people express this. I've had people be jealous of things that are going well in my life because they assume I don't have problems. Of course it does seem unfair when we think other people don't have hardships to deal with. Frankly, I think we all have problems, and we all have big problems at times. But the grass always looks greener on the other side.

Birgit

You can talk to God all you want and that's great, but the changes happen when you start listening to him.

BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN OTHERS.




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FRAGILEWRITER's Photo FRAGILEWRITER SparkPoints: (5,132)
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11/13/11 9:14 A

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I'm not sure what to do with this either. "How dare you improve yourself (when I can't)?" That's what it always sounds like to me.
Especially in America, there is a great leveler of mediocrity. If you want to be perfect and superhuman you better go away, go away to Hollywood and try to be perfect there.
People are nicer to me when I'm 'normal'. Actually, I think people are pretty mean to the naturally thin and make little 'leveling' comments all the time, but they are just used to it.
When I'm thin, people are nicer to me when I explain that I also have MS. That seems to balance out the playing field for them.
Nice, Huh?

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My ticker was always wrong so I took it off
SUSHIYUMMY's Photo SUSHIYUMMY Posts: 608
11/13/11 8:08 A

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What you are experiencing is very common, but it's definitely an obstacle to weight loss. A counselor/therapist can help you recognize and work through the issues that are causing you to sabotage your own weight loss.



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GREBJACK's Photo GREBJACK Posts: 3,211
11/13/11 2:08 A

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I have never been more than 30 pounds overweight (my max adult weight was 166 and my minimum and goal weight 138) but when I lost the weight (with SparkPeople) it freaked me out - my face looked gaunt - and it garnered all sorts of comments. Supportive and congratulatory comments, but when you're a bit heavy, your friends are too nice to say anything about your weight. It made me really self-conscious to realize that others were that aware of how heavy I was or wasn't. And when I had the extra padding to fill out my face, I was often mistaken for 10 to 20 years younger than I really am - no more of that.

I think the thing that helps me to maintain is that my primary goal of losing weight wasn't about looks or health so much as the ability to use my body. My standard was if I can hike all day without getting tired, I'm lean enough. So now, every time I buy a heavy load of groceries (which is about once a week), I am reminded on the walk home (only about a mile) how much harder it is to move around when carrying extra weight. Having that reinforced so frequently is probably the key for me. I wonder if you can find a way to give yourself positive reinforcement - weekly at least - when your weight is down so you have something to counterbalance whatever reinforcement being overweight gives you?

Okay, I'll quit with the amateur psychology now. What do I know?

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HOUNDLOVER1's Photo HOUNDLOVER1 Posts: 7,904
11/13/11 1:37 A

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I've not been in that situation myself but know that this is extremely common. In many cases people have had a negative experience of some sort, often in childhood, while they were normal weight. The weight acts as a way to protect themselves. Sometimes counseling is a great idea to get to the root of this need. I know some people benefit through expressing themselves artistically through painting or drawing or some other form of creative expression.
Your husband sounds like he would be very supportive, maybe talk with him and ask what he would recommend you do?
Birgit

You can talk to God all you want and that's great, but the changes happen when you start listening to him.

BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN OTHERS.




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SHOOPETTE's Photo SHOOPETTE SparkPoints: (83,798)
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11/13/11 1:34 A

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I know I feel uneasy with the attention I get when I loose weight, the comments but mostly being checked out by men. Recently I reached my goal of being a normal BMI, what happened next? I started eating candy and stopped exercising.

I got back on track by zoning out people and focusing on myself.



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11/13/11 1:17 A

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Hi, I have run across a couple of success stories in the past and found them really motivating, and to be honest, I've never struggles with losing weight -- I have lost weight a ton (yes, pun intended, lol) of times, but always get uncomfortable as people around me start to react to me differently. I retreat into compulsive eating, then gain the weight back, and end up miserable ....but safely in my comfort zone. I think many of us that carry around extra weight do it to protect ourselves. But I am really tired of hiding, and want to face my fears. My husband (always lean his whole life) loves me, but wants me to be thinner, of course, and can't understand the fear I have when I lose weight. He tries to be supportive, he's a great husband, but just doesn't understand how strange it can be to approach being a thin woman when you haven't ever been one in your life. Anyone out there resonate?

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