Thank you SO much for that response, Gemini-Sky! As I was typing it, it felt good to get it all out, but I felt like such a looser/whine-baby doing it. LOL
I'll keep an eye out for the invite - that would be GREAT. I think what I'm missing now is a support system. I guess I'm still dealing with the "Angie you're a big fat undisciplined FAILURE for having let this happen to you" -- so sharing it with co-workers or other family makes me feel worse it seems.
I think connecting with people who already GET it would help me stick to my plans, and develop some new strategies.
Meal plans/grocery shopping - that's my next hurdle - especially what I can SNACK on at my desk.
Saw some good posts here about things like sunflower seeds, and to back off the carrots a bit. (Figures - love 'em). I'm good on the "no white/wheat bread - no white rice" thing, and eat lots of salmon.
Headed out to the grocery store this morning to add black rice, bran to sprinkle on my salads in lieu of croutons, bran cereal (FiberOne), blackberries.
Till then I'm also looking at a recipe book or something to make EASY yummy diabetic recipes. Hmmm... diabetic friendly chicken fried chicken!! roflrofl
Well, Angie...I must say...This is one of the Best Threads I've read in a long time.... Honest, Real and Totally what we've all been thru. It does get better !!! No Really !!!! There is another team that I am on that is SOOOO Helpful, Knowledgeable and Friendly...Not to mention...Love to Comment and add advice to threads... I'll send you an invitation to join the team.... We are here for you...So just ask and we will be there !!!! Patti PS. When you join the Managing Diabetes Group! team, do copy and paste this thread (your story) to an intro thread there...You'll see what I mean. Hugs PSS Love, Love, Love your Spark Page statement !!!!
It's all my own fault, and I hate hate HATE that I've done this to myself. Here goes.
Reading = 339ml Took me 4 test strips, and 6 pokes to finally get a large enough blood drop for the meter to read. (OneTouch Smart).
HOW IT BEGAN - Day 1 as a Type 2 4 months ago I noticed that I was thirsty all the time. Thought it was because I had started exercising (to loose weight). Then realized I was also needing to go the bathroom every 2 hours - even at night, waking me up in the middle of the night.
Thought that was "normal" because I was drinking 2-3 liters of water a day, so presumed it made sense. Drink more water = more bathroom trips. Was thrilled to see pounds coming off... but I knew that 2-5lbs of weight loss a week was waaaay more than my 30 minutes of brisk walking should cause.
Maternal grandmother = glaucoma. Dad and 2 sibs on diabetes meds. Inside I "knew" - but didn't want to acknowledge what was happening.
FINAL STRAW The final straw to push me to make a doctor's appointment was when I - who is *never* sick - had a bowl of cereal and began vomiting about 20 minutes later. That was the 2nd or 3rd time that had happened in a week. Scared me to death.
Doctor did my A1c and tons of other tests... wrote it down.. but all I remember is the somber look on his face, him telling my numbers were thru the roof, and then bawling my eyes out in his office while he had me watch a video about the medication he was putting me on. (Not Metformin, some new one).
REBELLION I knew leaving his office I wasn't going to do it. I ... I just couldn't accept that I would be on some chemical for the rest of my life. Uncomfortable side effects. Increased dosages over time. Other side effects "they" don't even know about.
I got home, spent the day reading about the (Victosin?), what people's experience with it had been, endless posts, articles -- that sealed it. Wasn't taking it. Spent the next few days reading about changing my diet, bought some books about exercise and how to turn it around.
The prescription for the glucose meter, strips etc. Well, it *IS* at least in my wallet. I mean, why bother to KNOW what my numbers are when I KNOW I have zero intention of taking the medicine to reduce it. I was determined to increase my fruit and veggies, drop the potato chips at 3pm snack, add more fiber, and push this disease back to hell where it belonged.
That was the plan anyway. 8-|
FAST FORWARD 4 MONTHS Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Every day, all day long, for the past 4 months I've had to deal with the guilt (and worry!) about not taking those meds. "Better not have that slice of pizza" "Well I guess I could have a Starbucks, but the sugar is really bad" "What the *^&%&*^ *CAN* I have?!"
I'm just T-I-R-E-D of having to worry about what I eat EV-ery friggin DAAAY.
Eating much better, but just still doing badly too often in the nutrition department. Having more salads, broccolli, carrots, kale, spinach, apples, almonds. Still having way too much pizza, breakfast sandwiches, Starbucks pumpkin spice lattes.
Excuse? My work schedule is hectic, I'm always too pooped after work to eat the right thing, I never grocery shop so there's never anything "right" in the house. Just a constant battle, and each day I see the Victosin sitting on my dresser.
And each day I've read another article about someone who lost their vision due to uncontrolled diabetes. Or the massive increase in the risk of heart attack or stroke the disease causes. Or someone with "uncontrolled diabetes" who's passed out into a diabetic coma on the street. Or the INSANE damage all this sugar coursing thru my veins is doing to my organs, despite my feeling fine. Every day. Killing me. Silently.
THIS WEEK IN DIABETES-VILLE Finally stopped the weightloss slide -- lost a total of about 20lbs that first month. Now it's just about a pound a week, if that. Exercising a bit more, and have dropped another 10-15 the right way.
Still having occasional morning nausea, especially when I have that first sip of water. Not sure what THAT'S all about, but it can't be good. Angie, you need to start taking this thing more seriously.
Still having tingling/numbness in that one pea-sized spot on the tip of my right big toe. That's neuropathy. I know it. Taking Benfonthiamine helps. I think I've read, "if the nerve is dead, it stays dead" - but maybe I can keep it from spreading. ("No Angela, you're going to have to have your legs chopped off. Someday"). Angie, you need to start taking this thing more seriously.
Finally, after a good fussing-to by my good friend and her hubby (who is 5 years diagnosed, was on oral meds, and now on INSULIN), and after reading one too many articles about how "... your 1st year is easy, but it gets SO much worse..." I finally pulled out the crumpled prescription, and purchased the OneTouch Smart.
Actually took - TRIED to take it last night. I'd had a HORRIBLE day complete with Cracker Barrel's hashbrown casserole, chicken fried chicken with gravy, 2 cranberry apple ciders -- and for dinner my treasured jibarito (puerto rican comfort food sandwich - roasted pork, plantain instead of bread, heavenly). So I figured it would be a good test to see just how bad that was.
So my first attempt last night I'm not counting (stop laughing). As mentioned above, it took me SEVeral pokes and strips to even get a reading. I didn't purchase the control solution, so that might be the reason for last nights INCORRECT reading. No really. It has to be wrong.
It read: WARNING!! HIGH GLUCOSE!! Over 600ml.
Ducky. Juuuuust great. Not surprising. Definitely terrifying.
I promptly curled up into a ball and went to sleep, and spent the night dreaming of the days when I could eat a container of Cold Stone Creamery ice cream. The guilt free kind.
I'v now loaded up the SparkPeople ipad app, (wish I could see my Glucose values on the app!!), and added yesterday's foods.
Thank goodness for SparkPeople. You're making this transition to responsible self-management SOOO much less stressful.
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