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DBELLE39's Photo DBELLE39 SparkPoints: (176,662)
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11/13/09 7:39 P

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Too cute!

Donna B.

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MCDIDDLYD's Photo MCDIDDLYD Posts: 36,384
11/13/09 12:33 P

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High Hopes

Our family gathered in the living room one cool fall evening. Feeling a little chilled, I asked my daughter, Jada, to shut the front door so the draft wouldn't come in. Looking excited, my preschooler ran to the door. After a few moments, she called, "Mommy, I don't see a giraffe!"

—Christy Duncan, Spring, TX. "Small Talk," Today's Christian Woman

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BRAVEONE92's Photo BRAVEONE92 SparkPoints: (113,022)
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11/1/09 9:00 P

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out of the mouths of babes. So sweet!

"I lift up my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth."
Psalm 121: 1-2 (NIV)


 
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MOMMA48's Photo MOMMA48 Posts: 525,988
11/1/09 8:20 P

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emoticon Thanks for the smile!

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DBELLE39's Photo DBELLE39 SparkPoints: (176,662)
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11/1/09 1:04 P

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cute...wisdom from the mouths of children!

Donna B.

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10/31/09 1:25 P

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Would That Be in Reference?

As we returned from Vacation Bible School one summer day, my young daughter Melissa asked if we could stop at the library. When I asked her why, she explained, "This morning my teacher told me that the only way we get to heaven is if our name is written in the Lamb's Book of Life. I just want to make sure that my name is in there!"

—Nora Newport, Jupiter, FL. "Heart to Heart," Today's Christian Woman

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MOMMA48's Photo MOMMA48 Posts: 525,988
10/15/09 10:17 P

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Cute one! Thanks for sharing the smiles!

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MCDIDDLYD's Photo MCDIDDLYD Posts: 36,384
10/15/09 5:57 P

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Giving Blood
My brother-in-law, who is a minister, responded to a Red Cross appeal for blood donations. When he didn't come home by the time his young son expected him, the boy asked his mother, "Is Dad going around visiting all the sick people?"

His mother replied, "He's giving blood."

"But we know it's really grape juice, don't we Mom?"

—Priscilla Larson, Lexington, Mass. "Kids of the Kingdom," Christian Reader

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10/11/09 3:10 P

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that is too cute

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MCDIDDLYD's Photo MCDIDDLYD Posts: 36,384
10/11/09 10:17 A

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Can't Hurt to Ask

My granddaughter, Hannah, begged me long-distance to come help her celebrate her sixth birthday. Unable to resist, I made my plans to join the family.

When we sat down for the birthday dinner, my son asked Hannah if she would like to bless the food on her birthday. "Oh, yes, Daddy," she said.

She closed her eyes and began, "Dear Lord, thank you for Mommy and this good food she fixed. Thank you for letting Grandma come here today."

Pausing momentarily, Hannah opened her eyes to peek at me before she continued. "And please Lord, let us have a good time at Toys 'R Us this afternoon."

—Agnes Goddard, Oceanside, Calif. "Lite Fare," Christian Reader

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10/4/09 10:17 A

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Paying Off God

Our 7-year-old daughter had just won $2.00 for her memory work in Sunday school. After the morning service, the pastor's wife congratulated her.

Our daughter proudly announced, "And I put it all in the morning's offering!"

"My, how wonderful!" the pastor's wife exclaimed. "I'm sure God will be pleased."

"Yes," the child replied. "Now maybe God will let me do some of the things I want to do!"

—Genia Obal, Montrose, British Columbia. "Kids of the Kingdom," Christian Reader

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MOMMA48's Photo MOMMA48 Posts: 525,988
9/27/09 2:24 P

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STROMAN's Photo STROMAN Posts: 1,764
9/27/09 2:07 P

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Hey I love that... Thank you for sharing!! emoticon

Edited by: STROMAN at: 10/3/2009 (11:16)
I love each and everyday... Praise God for the beautiy we have to see...

I lift my eyes to the hills where does my strength come from-my strength comes from the Lord the maker of heaven and earth.. Psalm 121:1-2
Linda


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9/25/09 10:24 A

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All I Really Need To Know I Learned From Noah's Ark
1. Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.

2. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something REALLY big.

3. Don't listen to critics -- do what has to be done.

4. Build on high ground.

5. For safety's sake, travel in pairs.

6. Two heads are better than one.

7. Speed isn't always an advantage. The cheetahs were on board, but so were the snails.

8. If you can't fight or flee -- float!

9. Take care of your animals as if they were the last ones on earth.

10. Don't forget that we're all in the same boat.

11. When the doo-doo gets really deep, don't sit there and complain -- shovel!!!

12. Stay below deck during the storm.

13. Remember that the ark was built by amateurs and the Titanic was built by professionals.

14. If you have to start over, have a friend by your side.

15. Remember that the woodpeckers INSIDE are often a bigger threat than the storm outside.

16. Don't miss the boat.

17. No matter how bleak it looks, there's always a rainbow on the other side.

18. "Stop what'ca doing, and do what God says!"

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MOMMA48's Photo MOMMA48 Posts: 525,988
9/23/09 8:07 P

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MCDIDDLYD's Photo MCDIDDLYD Posts: 36,384
9/23/09 10:34 A

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No Thanks

The first day of school, my son Tyler came home saying, "We can't use 'thank you' in the bathroom."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

He explained, "There's a sign on the bathroom door that says, 'Please do not use—thank you.'"

—Lynette Zimmerman, Wisconsin. "Small Talk," Today's Christian Woman

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JENNY712's Photo JENNY712 Posts: 39,164
9/17/09 12:00 P

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Bible Study Humor From the net!

LOT 'S WIFE
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot 's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, 'My Mommy looked back once while she was driving,' he announced triumphantly, 'and she turned into a telephone pole!'


GOOD SAMARITAN
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, 'If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?' A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, 'I think I'd throw up.'


DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, 'Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark? ''No,' replied Johnny. 'How could he, with just two worms.'


HIGHER POWER
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, 'We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a Higher Power. Can anybody tell me what it is? One child blurted out, 'Aces!'


MOSES AND THE RED SEA
Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School. 'Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.'

'Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?' his Mother asked.

'Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!'


THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter. Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.

On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, 'The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know.'


UNANSWERED PRAYER
The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why.

'Well, Honey,' he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. 'I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.'

'How come He doesn't answer it?' she asked.


BEING THANKFUL
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, 'So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?' The little boy replied,



‘Thank God he’s in bed!’


UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER
During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Tommy's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, 'Tommy, whatever made you do such a thing?'

Tommy answered soberly, 'I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He did!'


TIME TO PRAY
A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night.

'Yes, sir.' the boy replied.

'And, do you always say them in the morning, too?' the pastor asked.

'No sir,' the boy replied. 'I ain't scared in the daytime.'



ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS
When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, 'And all girls.' This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, 'Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?'

Her response, 'Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying 'All Men'!'








”It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great nation was founded, not by religionists, but by Christians; not on religions, but on the Gospel of Jesus Christ.” Patrick Henry

Proverbs 18: 10
The Lord is a strong fortress. . .K.J.V.

A Must See the movie
"Expelled" by Ben Stein,
No Intelligence Allowed!




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MCDIDDLYD's Photo MCDIDDLYD Posts: 36,384
9/15/09 12:02 P

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Children's Grace

My friend Bob was trying to teach his daughter, Jenny, how to say grace before meals. After a few weeks of coaching, Bob decided Jenny was ready to say grace all by herself.

Jenny started out fine, thanking God for her mommy and daddy and brother and sister and for the rolls and the salad, etc. She ended with a big, "Thank you, God, for the spaghetti!" and lifted her head.

The tradition in Bob's house, though, was to end each prayer with "In Jesus' name, Amen." So Bob prompted Jenny, "In … "

At first, Jenny seemed confused. Then she proudly exclaimed, "In tomato sauce. Amen."

—Barbara J. Doll, Upper Saddle River, N.J. "Kids of the Kingdom," Christian Reader

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MCDIDDLYD's Photo MCDIDDLYD Posts: 36,384
9/12/09 12:51 P

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God will . . .

My little niece, Kelly, went with a neighbor girl to church for First Communion practice. The pastor has the children cup their hands, and when he gives them the "Host," in this case, a piece of bread, he says, "God be with you."

Apparently this made quite an impression on my niece. She came home and told her mother to cup her hands and bend down. Kelly took a piece of bread from her sandwich, placed it in her mother's hands, and whispered, in her most angelic voice, "God will get you."


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9/10/09 6:05 P

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Thought I'd add one in from my own experience here. One day I was walking my 5 year old to school when he said "Mummy does God know what I look like?". "Of course," I replied, "He knows everything about you." And never missing an opportunity for a bit of 'education', I added "and do you know what's even more amazing? He even knows what you are going to look like when you are grown up!". "Wow!" says my son - do you think he could send me a photo?"

MCDIDDLYD's Photo MCDIDDLYD Posts: 36,384
9/9/09 9:58 A

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Praying Before Meals

Our three-year-old grandson, Daniel, stayed with us while his parents went on a weekend trip. As usual, we bowed our heads as my husband prayed out loud before all our meals. Daniel watched curiously each time his grandpa prayed.

On the day his parents came to pick him up, we all sat down at the table to have lunch. Just as his daddy started to pick up his sandwich, Daniel shouted, "Wait, Daddy, we can't eat 'til Grandpa reads his plate!"

—Diana L. James, Laguna Hills, CA. "Heart to Heart," Today's Christian Woman

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9/7/09 4:20 P

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The 10 Commandments - Texas Style

People in Texas have trouble with all those "shalls" and "shall nots" in the Ten Commandments.

Folks there just aren't used to talking in those terms. So, some folks out in west Texas got together and translated the "King James" into "King Ranch" language:

The Cowboy's Ten Commandments

(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No tellin' tales or gossipin'.
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'.
(5) Put nothin' before God.
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal.
(7) No killin.'
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don't take what ain't yers.
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff.


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9/7/09 4:13 P

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Sunday Service
A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service.

After the benediction he had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation.

For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married.

"Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?" he requested.

Immediately, nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front.


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9/4/09 10:33 A

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Born in Pennsylvania

A handyman was working for a Synagogue had asked for a raise and was turned down. He decided to quit and went out to look for work. First he went to a Catholic church and was told that in order to work there he would have to answer one question. The priest asked, "Where was Jesus born"? The man answered, "Pittsburgh", and was thrown out.

He then went to a Baptist church. The minister told him that in order to get a job there he would have to answer a question. He was asked, "Where was Jesus born"? The man answered, "Philadelphia". He was tossed out.

Walking away he met the rabbi who was looking for him. The rabbi exclaimed, "The board approved your raise. Please come back immediately". The man said to the rabbi, "I will come back only if you answer a question. "Where was Jesus born"? The rabbi says, "Bethlehem".

Cries the man. "I knew it was in Pennsylvania".

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9/3/09 9:06 A

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Poorly Placed Trust

The story is told that a national magazine assigned a photographer to take pictures of a forest fire. They told him a small plane would be waiting at the airport to fly him over the fire.

The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane stood waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Let's go!" The pilot, a tense-looking man, turned the plane into the wind, and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically.

"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make several low-level passes."

"Why?" asked the nervous pilot.

"Because I'm going to take pictures!" yelled the photographer. "I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures."

The pilot replied, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"

—Source unknown; submitted by Brett Kays


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9/2/09 8:45 A

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Church Choir Proficiency Test

In order to measure your level of proficiency as a choir member, the following test has been carefully developed by experts. Read and reflect on each situation and then select the option that will enhance the quality of the performance.

1. You are entering the choir loft on Sunday morning and suddenly trip and fall down. You should:
a. Assume a kneeling position and break into fervent prayer.
b. Pretend that you've had a heart attack.
c. Crawl into the nearest chair.
d. Sink to the floor in shame.

2. You are a soprano and count incorrectly. As a result you boom out a high "C" one measure too soon. You should:
a. Slide into an inspired "O For a Thousand Tongues to Sing."
b. Look triumphant and hold on to the note.
c. Stop abruptly in mid squawk but keep your lips moving.
d. Sink to the floor in shame.

3. After all those long hard choir rehearsals, you show up twenty minutes late for the Christmas musical. You should:
a. Climb into the back row of the choir from the baptistery.
b. Enter pretending to be a soundman checking cables and thensuddenly slip yourself into the choir.
c. Turn the lights out in the church and slip into the choir during the blackout.
d. Read M. Stephen's pamphlet "Techniques for Tardy Appearances."

4. While singing, you discover you have only one page of a two page hymn. You should:
a. Hum for your life.
b. Sing "watermelon, watermelon, watermelon."
c. Try to get another hymnal out of the choir rack with your feet.
d. Sing the first page over again.

5. Inevitably that dreaded big sneeze occurs toward the end of the choir special. You should:
a. As you sneeze, come down hard on your neighbor's foot to create a diversion.
b. Try to make it harmonize.
c. Sneeze into the hair of the choir member in front of you to muffle the noise.
d. Sink to the floor in shame.

Count the number of A's, B's, C's, and D's you checked and find your proficiency rating below:

4 or more A's...there is nothing more you need to know to be a first rate choir member.
4 or more B's...your church choir reflexes are fully developed and you should do well in choir.
4 or more C's...your church choral experience is spotty but your team spirit is on target. You will be an asset to most any choir.
4 or more D's...it is recommended you take soccer or group therapy counseling.


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9/1/09 10:17 A

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Communion Confusion

My daughter, Laura, went with me to buy some grape juice for our church's communion service. Telling her it was for the Lord's Supper, I put it in the refrigerator. Later, her older brother, Jonathan, saw it and wanted some. Laura scolded, "No, that's for God's lunch!"

—Melanie Bell, Arlington, TX. "Small Talk," Today's Christian Woman

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8/31/09 11:20 A

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Visa or Mastercard?

Our friends were ready to go to Italy as missionaries, but were waiting for their visas. As the waiting period grew longer and longer, they enlisted the prayers of their Christian friends. Our ten-year-old neighbor boy offered what he innocently thought was a logical alternative. "Why don't they try MasterCard?" he asked.

—Matilda Nordtvedt, Everett, WA. Christian Reader, "Lite Fare."

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8/31/09 11:18 A

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The Pastor's Wife
On Christmas afternoon, the Pastor's wife dropped into an easy chair saying, "Boy! Am I ever tried."

Her husband (the Pastor) looked over at her & said, "I had to conduct two special services last night, three today, & give a total of five sermons. Why are you so tired?"

"Dearest," she replied, "I had to listen to all of them."


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8/30/09 12:03 P

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No Hidding the Facts

Taking advantage of a balmy day in New York, a priest and three other men of the cloth swapped their clerical garb for polos and khakis and time out on the golf course. After several really horrible shots, their caddy asked, "You guys wouldn't be priests by any chance?"

"Actually, yes, we are," one cleric replied. "How did you know?"

"Easy," said the caddy, "I've never seen such bad golf and such clean language!"


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8/30/09 12:00 P

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Squirrels in The Church

A small town had four churches Presbyterian, Methodist, Catholic and Baptist.

All four had a serious problem with squirrels in the church. Each church in its own fashion had a meeting to deal with the problem.

The Presbyterians decided that it was predestined that squirrels be in the church and that they would just have to live with them.

The Methodists decided they should deal with the squirrels lovingly in the style of Charles Wesley. They humanely trapped them and released them in a park at the edge of town. Within 3 days, they were all back in the church.

The Catholics also humanely trapped them and attempted to teach them the "rhythm" method which of course did not work.

The Baptists had the best solution. They voted the squirrels in as members Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.


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8/30/09 11:57 A

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Sharing The Faith . . .

There was a barber that thought that he should share his faith with his customers more than he had been doing lately. So the next morning when the sun came up and the barber got up out of bed he said, "Today I am going to witness to the first man that walks through my door."

Soon after he opened his shop the first man came in and said, "I want a shave!" The barber said, "Sure, just sit in the seat and I'll be with you in a moment." The barber went in the back and prayed a quick desperate prayer saying, "God, the first customer came in and I'm going to witness to him. So please give me the wisdom to know just the right thing to say to him. Amen."

Then quickly the barber came out with his razor knife in one hand and a Bible in the other while saying, "Good morning sir. I have a question for you..........Are you ready to die?"


Edited by: MCDIDDLYD at: 8/30/2009 (11:57)
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Sunday School Lesson

One Sunday, after church, Mom asked her little daughter what the Sunday school lesson was about. Her daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilts." Needless to say, Mom was perplexed.

Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea. Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.

He said, "Be not afraid, thy Comforter is coming."


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8/29/09 4:57 P

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Three ladies die and go to heaven. St. Peter meets them and says there is only one rule up here-don't step on the ducks! As the ladies enter they see why. Ducks are everyehere and it isn't long before one lady steps on one. St Peter arrives and chains her to a very ulgy man tellin g her that they will be partnered through all time. Soon the second lady steps on a duck and the same thing happens to her.
The third lady is very careful not to step on a duck for 2 month but one day St. Peter comes over to her and with out saying a word her and chaines her to handosm with black wavey hair and deep blue eyes. She looks at the man and says I don't understand I didn't step on any ducks. The man replied "I don't know what you did but I steped on a duck"

Bonnie from KY
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8/29/09 1:17 P

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Letters to a Pastor . . .

Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister.
Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville.

Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something.
Robert, Age 11, Anderson.

Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance?
Love, Patty. Age 10, New Haven

Dear Pastor, My mother is very religious. She goes to play bingo at church every week even if she has a cold. Yours truly,
Annette. Age 9, Albany

Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland.
Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma

Dear Pastor, Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God's help or a new pitcher.
Thank you.
Alexander. Age 10, Raleigh

Dear Pastor, My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house.
Joshua. Age 10, South Pasadena

Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished.
Ralph, Age 11, Akron


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8/29/09 1:15 P

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Getting the Pieces Right

A father wanted to read a magazine, but was being pestered by his daughter. To keep her busy, he tore a sheet out of the magazine that had a picture of the world printed on it. He tore the picture into small pieces and said "Here, now go into the other room and see if you can put this picture of the world back together again."

A few minutes goes by and he daughter appears in the room and hands him the picture all correctly fitted together.

The father was surprised and ask her how she was able to fit all those little pieces of the world back together again so quickly.

"Oh.." she said, "On the other side of the paper was a picture of Jesus and once I got Jesus in the right place, then the world came out alright."


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8/29/09 1:13 P

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The First Man in the Bible

A Sunday School teacher asked little Willie who the first man in the Bible was.

"Hoss." said Willie.

"Wrong," said the teacher. "It was Adam."

"Aw, shucks!" Willie replied. "I knew it was one of those Cartwrights."


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8/29/09 12:57 P

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My 4 year old son started pre-school last week at a Catholic school. When we picked him up we asked him if he liked it... here are his replies.
"We prayed a lot"
"We went into this big room and a man talked about God but we didnt get to meet Him."
"Jesus' family didn't wear shoes"
Too funny.




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8/28/09 9:54 A

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Paying with Plastic

When I returned home from a shopping trip, my husband asked how I had paid for everything. "Plastic," I replied. My 10-year-old daughter piped up, "Mom, have you been recycling again?"

—Terri Wilkins, Boise, Idaho. Christian Reader, "Lite Fare."

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8/27/09 5:36 P

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That's good

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8/27/09 2:28 P

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A friend jsut sent me this
Hymns for speeders
65 mph God will take care of you
75 mph Nearer my God to Thee
85 mph This World is not My Home
95 mph Lord I'm Coming Home
100 mph Precious Memories

Bonnie from KY
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TLOVESC1125 Posts: 976
8/27/09 12:40 P

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Thanks very much for sharing with us. It always feels good to laugh

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8/27/09 9:59 A

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Don't Say We Didn't Warn You

Our church fellowship hall has framed Bible verses on the wall—most of them extolling God's love and care. But at a recent wedding reception, another verse caught everyone's attention. Directly behind the cake table where the couple were cutting the first piece hung the warning: FLEE FROM THE WRATH TO COME!

—Nancy Camp, White Sulphur Springs, West Virginia. Christian Reader, "Rolling Down the Aisle."


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8/27/09 3:16 A

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I was a SS teacher lots of years for age group of 5-6 years of age. However, since I had small children myself, I kept the nursery lots!!!!!!! One day a little boy said a naughty word. I told him that it was not a nice word and to not say it again. Of course, he said it again. I told him "Hank, if you say that word again, I will take you to the restroom and wash your mouth out with soap." He went home and told his parents what I had said to him. His mother told me that she couldn't help but laugh, at what I had told him. I don't know if he was punished or not.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth."
Psalm 121: 1-2 (NIV)


 
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8/26/09 11:09 P

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Thanks for sharing.





“When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the fire department generally uses water.”

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8/26/09 8:51 P

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Loved these...thank you for sharing. I can too relate to the SS teacher, or course my class is the 3-5 years old.

Donna B.

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8/26/09 3:44 P

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LOL I know how the SS teacher feels. I teach that age group and I get alot of blank stares

Bonnie from KY
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8/26/09 9:45 A

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Early Morning Constitutional

A visiting speaker was impressed by the enthusiasm our Christian school students showed in their physical education class.

"I exercise, too," he sighed, faintly smiling at our pastor. "Every morning I awaken to the alarm, jump from bed, and run around the block six times."

As our pastor expressed surprise and offered hearty praise, the man continued, "Then I kick the block under the bed and go back to sleep."

—Gary Severson, Everson, WA. Christian Reader, "Lite Fare."

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8/26/09 9:43 A

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Conference Confusion

Our ecumenical group of clergy was discussing the different kinds of conferences we might have and I suggested marriage enrichment. The minutes of the meeting that arrived a few days later carried a surprising entry: "Discussion was held about our next Cooperative Community Conference. It was suggested that Mary Jean Richement might be our conference leader."

—Rick Harrison, Newark, OH. Christian Reader, "Lite Fare."

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8/26/09 9:40 A

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Placed by the Hiltons?

One day in junior church, I taught about Gideon. The following Sunday, for the sake of review, I asked who remembered last week's Bible hero. No hands went up. "Okay," I said. "I'll give you a clue: he fought a battle using only lamps, pitchers, and trumpets." Still no response. "Maybe you remember how he used a fleece to learn God's will," I said. Ten little blank faces stared at me. "One final clue," I pleaded. "There are people today with the same name as our hero, who go around hotels putting Bibles in the rooms." Finally an eager 8-year-old boy shot up his hand and said, "Oh! Oh! It was Hilton!"

—Davy Troxel, New Albany, Ind. "Kids of the Kingdom," Christian Reader

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