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MCDIDDLYD's Photo MCDIDDLYD Posts: 36,384
4/28/14 2:31 P

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Motion Detector

On a recent car trip, our four-year-old son, Ryan, became fidgety. I suggested we sing a song. As I began "Itsy-Bitsy Spider," Ryan stopped me and said, "Mom, you sing and I'll do the commotions."

—Lisa Hammil, California, and Ryan Hammil, age 4. Today's Christian Woman, Vol. 18, no. 4.

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VIADOLOROSA's Photo VIADOLOROSA SparkPoints: (24,132)
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2/28/14 9:53 P

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Sooooo.... I was weighing myself today and I've lost 3 lbs. And there's a website where you can fill in the blank with the weight number you've lost, right? And it will tell you what you lost in something other than lbs. Such as: "you lost the weight of a penquin" or "you lost the weight of a Suzuki". So I put my measly little 3 lbs in the blank and this is what I lost....
photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/3/l13
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MCDIDDLYD's Photo MCDIDDLYD Posts: 36,384
1/27/14 3:24 P

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The Radiant Bride

Just before my granddaughter's wedding, the mother of the 4-year-old flower girl, Kathie, told her, "The next time you see Kim, she'll be radiant."

At the reception, Kathie made a beeline for the bride, tugged at her gown and asked, "Kim, when are you going to glow?"

—Ida M. Pardue, Big Bear Lake, California. Christian Reader, "Rolling Down the Aisle."

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LILETHISKIND1's Photo LILETHISKIND1 Posts: 3,649
1/13/14 12:07 P

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Netty emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

I am on my way to my healthy weight.Praise the Lord!

Leader : "Celebrate what God has done for you today." (SP)

Leader:"A new Me!"( SP)


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NETTY1's Photo NETTY1 Posts: 620
1/5/14 12:08 A

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Love these laughs ladies. Thanks I haven't been on Spark People in probably two years. It nice to be back. Please pray that I stick with it.

Netty


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MCDIDDLYD's Photo MCDIDDLYD Posts: 36,384
10/17/13 2:50 P

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On the Third Day …

My Sunday school class of kindergartners was studying the creation story. After several weeks, we were ready to review. "What did God make the first day?" I quizzed. "The second day?" They answered both questions correctly.

"And what happened on the third day?" I asked.

One little child, face shining with enthusiasm, exclaimed, "He rose from the dead!"

—Michele L. Hardie, Holland, Michigan. Christian Reader, "Kids of the Kingdom."

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SUSHENO's Photo SUSHENO Posts: 1,842
7/9/13 10:49 P

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A frugal man made his wife promise to bury him with his money; $20,000.00. At the burial, she stopped them before they put the lid. She dropped something in there.

"You just had to do what he requested," her friend accused.
"Of course, I'm a Christian," the new widow replied, "I wrote him a check."

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

01corinthians1313.blogspot.com


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7/8/13 5:26 P

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Why Do You Love God?

During a visit to the children's Bible class, my preacher friend looked into their serious faces and asked, "Why do you love God?" After a moment a small voice came from the back: "I guess it just runs in the family."

—David L. Roper, Judsonia, Arkansas. Christian Reader, "Kids of the Kingdom."

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HONOURIA's Photo HONOURIA Posts: 1,263
5/20/13 10:02 P

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Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent.

"The flight to Egypt," said Kyle.

"I see ... And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus," Ms. Terri said.

"But who's the fourth person?"

"Oh, that's Pontius-the Pilot.

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HONOURIA's Photo HONOURIA Posts: 1,263
5/20/13 9:58 P

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Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed arbiter of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose in the other members' private lives. Church members were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.

She commented to George and others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.

George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny; he said nothing.

Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house... and left it there all night!


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Honouria

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HONOURIA's Photo HONOURIA Posts: 1,263
5/19/13 3:37 P

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An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. "Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.

"The front row please." she answered.

"You really don't want to do that", the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."

"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.

"No." he said.

"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.

"Do you know who I am?" he asked.

"No." she said.

"Good", he answered.


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Honouria

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MCDIDDLYD's Photo MCDIDDLYD Posts: 36,384
5/19/13 1:47 P

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Heaven on Earth

While leaving our small-town carnival, our sons, ages six and two, were walking hand-in-hand behind my husband and me. We overheard Tyler tell his younger brother, Cory, "This is what heaven is like—except it's free!"

—Sandra Cox, Carthage, IN. "Small Talk," Today's Christian Woman.

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HONOURIA's Photo HONOURIA Posts: 1,263
5/3/13 2:45 P

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A painter was hired to paint the exterior of a church.

His practice was to thin the paint so that he could make a larger profit.
As he was painting the church a torrential rain began to fall and it washed all of the paint off.
Then, as quickly as the rain began, it ended, and the sun came out.

As the painter gazed skyward, he heard a voice from above saying:
" Repaint ! Go, and thin no more."

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MCDIDDLYD's Photo MCDIDDLYD Posts: 36,384
4/22/13 2:47 P

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Bad Time to Flirt

My husband was performing a wedding, and I was the organist. Everything went smoothly until the end, when he forgot the line, "You may now kiss the bride." The awkward silence was broken by me trying to cue my husband with kissing noises. It got his attention, but it didn't sink in. Afterward he told me he thought I was picking an unusual time to flirt with him.

—Janice Reese, Kingston, Oklahoma. Christian Reader, "Rolling Down the Aisle."

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MCDIDDLYD's Photo MCDIDDLYD Posts: 36,384
3/28/13 5:41 P

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God Says, 'Go To Bed'

My 3-year-old son, Ian, enjoys the Bible story about Samuel hearing God's voice at night. One evening after reading the story to Ian, I asked him if God had ever spoken to him.

To my surprise, he answered, "Yes."

"What did God say to you?" I asked.

Ian thought and then said in his deepest voice, "Ian! Go to bed!"

That explained why Ian settles down more quickly when I'm outside his room and tell him to go to bed.

—Deborah Hough, Auburn, Wash. Christian Reader, "Lite Fare."

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MCDIDDLYD's Photo MCDIDDLYD Posts: 36,384
3/28/13 5:39 P

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Open Vessels

My husband had four major blockages in his heart, so the doctors planned for an open-heart surgery. On the morning of the surgery, I drove to the hospital, worried and tense. But my spirits lifted when I passed a church only two blocks before the hospital. The church sign announced the coming sermon: WANTED—OPEN VESSELS.

—Julie Price, Orlando, Fla. Christian Reader, "Lite Fare."

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MCDIDDLYD's Photo MCDIDDLYD Posts: 36,384
2/21/13 1:26 P

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Pray Early, Pray Often

Our 4-year-old daughter's surgery was scheduled for 11:30 a.m. We were becoming anxious as time passed and no one came to get her. Finally at 12:30, the surgeon arrived at her room. Knowing my husband is a minister, the doctor asked us if many people were praying for this surgery.

Edgy from the delay, I said, "They were praying for you an hour ago."

With a smile, he shot back, "Thanks. That surgery went very well."

—Marcia Hornor, Salt Lake City, Utah. "Lite Fare," Christian Reader.

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2/21/13 1:21 P

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I Am Thin, O Lord

Even the best typist can make mistakes, so it isn't unusual for an occasional error to appear in the church bulletin. One Sunday, our pastor announced with a mischievous grin that his evening message would be on the sin of overeating. Our looks of bewilderment quickly turned to the bulletin and read, "Hymn of Decision—I Am Thin, O Lord!"

—Shelly Thomas, Holland, Tex. "Lite Fare," Christian Reader.

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MCDIDDLYD's Photo MCDIDDLYD Posts: 36,384
2/21/13 1:20 P

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The Purpose of Coffee Hour

Coffee was always served at our church after the sermon. One Sunday our minister asked one of the smaller members of the congregation if he knew why we had coffee hour. Without hesitating, the youngster replied, "To wake people up before they have to drive home."

—Richard Blake, San Luis Obispo, California. Christian Reader, "Kids of the Kingdom."

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1/31/13 6:46 P

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That was so sweet.If we could only see the world through childrens eyes this world would know only peace. emoticon

Psalm 30:2
LORD my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.


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LILETHISKIND1's Photo LILETHISKIND1 Posts: 3,649
1/21/13 1:20 P

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That was very funny. emoticon

I am on my way to my healthy weight.Praise the Lord!

Leader : "Celebrate what God has done for you today." (SP)

Leader:"A new Me!"( SP)


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MCDIDDLYD's Photo MCDIDDLYD Posts: 36,384
1/20/13 12:41 P

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Making Something Grow

One evening while my daughters were taking a bath together, 4-year-old Andrea began pouring water over her 10-month-old sister's bald little head. Exasperated, I asked Andrea what she was doing. Without a moment's hesitation, she replied, "I'm watering Rachel's head so her hair will grow!"

—Shelley Toren, Ada, MI. Today's Christian Woman, "Heart to Heart."

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1/17/13 4:47 P

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LOL, Sheila!!! Thanks for sharing!!!

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1/16/13 1:04 P

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emoticon

I am on my way to my healthy weight.Praise the Lord!

Leader : "Celebrate what God has done for you today." (SP)

Leader:"A new Me!"( SP)


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MCDIDDLYD's Photo MCDIDDLYD Posts: 36,384
1/15/13 4:13 P

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Weddding Vows or Miranda's Rights?

I was watching my 5-year-old granddaughter Christy play with her dolls. At one point, she "staged" a wedding, first playing the role of the bride's mother who assigned specific duties, then suddenly becoming the bride with her "teddy bear" groom.
She picked him up and said to the "minister" presiding over the wedding, "Now you can read us our rights." Without missing a beat, Christy became the minister who said, "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride."

—Sonja R. Ely, Dallas, Oregon. Christian Reader "Rolling Down the Aisle."

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1/15/13 4:11 P

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The Trouble with the KJV

Our Nigerian students often had trouble with King James English. Once during a Bible test a student wrote,
"Paul tells us that we must loin up our girds and be strong."

—Eileen Lageer, Kitchener, Ontario. Christian Reader, "Lite Fare."

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1/15/13 4:08 P

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A Saint by Comparison

Two brothers had terrorized a small town for decades. They were unfaithful to their wives, abusive to their children, and dishonest in business. The younger brother died unexpectedly. The surviving brother went to the pastor of the local church. "I'd like you to conduct my brother's funeral," he said, "but it's important to me that during the service, you tell everyone my brother was a saint."
"But he was far from that," the minister countered. The wealthy brother pulled out his checkbook. "Reverend, I'm prepared to give $100,000 to your church. All I'm asking is that you publicly state that my brother was a saint." On the day of the funeral, the pastor began his eulogy this way. "Everyone here knows that the deceased was a wicked man, a womanizer, and a drunk. He terrorized his employees and cheated on his taxes." Then he paused. "But as evil and sinful as this man was, compared to his older brother, he was a saint!"

—Greg Asimakoupoulos, Naperville, Illinois. Leadership, Vol. 16, no. 4.

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1/15/13 4:07 P

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Utensil Safety

I accompanied my four-year-old, Matt, to a pre-kindergarten screening session where they tested his hearing, eyesight, speech, and motor skills. The last stop was with the school nurse who emphasized the importance of washing hands before meals. "Germs from our hands can get on our food while eating," she explained.
"Oh, I don't need to worry about that," Matt assured her. "We use forks at our house."

—Linda Economy, Floodwood, Minnesota. Christian Reader, "Kids of the Kingdom."

My Teams: ✞Keep GOD First✞
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1/15/13 4:05 P

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Household Hobbies?

My eight-year-old son has hundreds of baseball cards stacked around his room. I complained to him about it as I tried to help him straighten his mess. "But Mom," he argued, "it's my hobby—just like you have cooking and cleaning!"

—Cheryl A. Paden, Nebraska. Today's Christian Woman, "Small Talk."

My Teams: ✞Keep GOD First✞
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1/15/13 4:04 P

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Hole Lotta Trouble

My husband was home with our three-year-old son, Ben, when the plumber arrived to fix our leaky pipe. As the plumber cut a large hole in our family room ceiling, Ben watched solemnly, then informed him, "My mommy is going to be very upset with you."

—Laura Christianson, Washington. Today's Christian Woman, "Small Talk."

My Teams: ✞Keep GOD First✞
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1/13/13 5:25 P

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I recall when my now grown son was big enough to say his prayers that he said:
Thank you GOD for the flowers, trees, birds, cats, dogs, mommy, daddy, brother, etc, etc, and the mud.
When he said mud, I had to cover my mouth not to laugh out loud. When he finished praying I asked him WHY he prayed for the mud. He replied, "God had to have mud to make man."

Another one I heard was were a little girl rambled on with her thank you(s) and ended with thanking GOD for camels. When she was asked why the camel, she replied, " If it weren't for camels,we would not have campbell soup.

d


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1/13/13 5:16 P

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This should bring a chuckle or two:
The pastor's wife was taking their rowdy little boy out of the church building too correct him.
He screamed, "Help! She's going to kill me!"

d


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1/10/13 2:17 P

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emoticon I needed a good laugh emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

I am on my way to my healthy weight.Praise the Lord!

Leader : "Celebrate what God has done for you today." (SP)

Leader:"A new Me!"( SP)


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AMANDACOETZER's Photo AMANDACOETZER SparkPoints: (33,515)
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1/10/13 12:47 A

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Lol emoticon

All the glory to Jesus, my Saviour!!!


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1/9/13 4:03 P

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Doing Time

One day, as I was working in the nursery at my church, I overheard a 3-year-old girl talking to her mom. "Mommy," she quipped, "when Jesus takes us to heaven, will I have to go to the nursery?"

—Chandra Drury, Castro Valley, CA. Today's Christian Woman, "Heart to Heart."

My Teams: ✞Keep GOD First✞
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Thanks formaking me laugh!!

All the glory to Jesus, my Saviour!!!


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12/6/12 11:57 A

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These are just too funny! I found one that I posted last year in another group but I thought maybe everyone here could use some laughs!

Hi everyone. I recieved this email the other day about children in a church and the things they have said. Thought you might like it :D Enjoy

One particular four-year-old prayed,
'And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little boy was overheard praying:
'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,
and I wanted to stay with you guys.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson..
'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
' Ryan , you be Jesus !'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked.
'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
'Did God throw him back down?'





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12/4/12 5:56 P

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A Child's Obedience

I frequently use (1 Thessalonians 5:17) to encourage the children I teach to "pray without ceasing." One day after chapel, a young boy said, "Mrs. Capehart, I am sorry I sneezed during your prayer today." I assured him sneezing was no problem but I appreciated his apology. He responded, "Well, I know you like us to pray without sneezing."

—Jody Capehart, Dallas, TX, Today's Christian Woman, "Heart to Heart."

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12/4/12 5:55 P

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A Visit to Heaven

After explaining to my 5-year-old daughter that my grandfather had died and I was going to fly out of town for a couple of days, she went to school and told her teacher a different version of the story: "My great-grandpa died, my mommy had to go to heaven to see him, and my daddy's going there to pick her up tomorrow!"

—Melody D. Saggus, Christian Reader, Vol. 33, no. 5.

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11/19/12 3:57 P

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Making Dad Proud

My first-grader came home and proudly reported to her dad that she was now officially a "Brownie." Not to be outdone, her three-year-old brother, Christopher, rushed up to Dad and proudly announced he was a cupcake!

—Kayleen J. Reusser, Bluffton, Indiana. Christian Reader, "Kids of the Kingdom."

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This Week's Funny
Conversation Under Wraps

I recently prayed with my 5-year-old son as he accepted Jesus into his life. I carefully explained that Jesus now lived in his heart.

Several days later, he was sitting at the table with his head down, holding open the neck of his T-shirt, speaking very quietly. I asked what he was doing and he told me, "Just talking to Jesus."

—Ann Musico, Pomona, NY, Today's Christian Woman, "Heart to Heart."

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9/29/12 5:32 P

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This Week's Funny
Honesty Is the Best Policy

Coming home from work, a woman stopped at the corner deli to buy a chicken for supper. The butcher reached into a barrel, grabbed the last chicken he had, flung it on the scales behind the counter, and told the woman its weight. She thought for a moment. "I really need a bit more chicken than that," she said. "Do you have any larger ones?"

Without a word, the butcher put the chicken back into the barrel, groped around as though finding another, pulled the same chicken out, and placed it on the scales. "This chicken weighs one pound more," he announced. The woman pondered her options and then said, "Okay. I'll take them both." Honesty is still the best policy.

—Clark Cothern, Tecumseh, Michigan. Leadership, Vol. 15, no. 4.

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9/29/12 9:58 A

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I am on my way to my healthy weight.Praise the Lord!

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9/22/12 11:28 A

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Think Fast

One day, my husband announced to the family that he was going to fast and pray. Ginny, our 5-year-old, had recently learned that fasting meant not eating. "No!" she shouted. "You can't fast! You'll die!" Her dad carefully explained that many men and women fasted in Bible times. Ginny paused a moment. Then, with a flash of insight and a note of warning, she proved her point. "And they all died," she said.

—Kathy Cash, Dallas, TX. Today's Christian Woman, "Heart to Heart."

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9/22/12 11:27 A

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The Seventh Day

One morning, my four young children and I were reviewing what God did on each of the seven days of creation. When we got to the seventh day, my youngest raised his hand frantically and yelled, "I know, Mom. I know. On the seventh day, God got arrested!"

—Kay White, Auburn, CA. Today's Christian Woman, "Heart to Heart."

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9/22/12 11:22 A

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An Introduction to Horseradish

Our seven-year-old grandson, Matthew, is always eager to try new foods. One dinner I served roast beef accompanied by a traditional side dish. Curious, Matthew asked what it was. "Horseradish," I replied.

We all cautioned him about its effects. But he politely helped himself to a small portion, which disappeared in one swallow.

Seconds later, Matthew's face contorted in shock as he gasped, "Which part of the horse is it?"

—Ruby J. Cleroux, Vauxhall, Alberta. Christian Reader, "Kids of the Kingdom."

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9/14/12 5:15 P

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Where's Mommy?

My six-year-old son seems to demand my attention just when I am most busy around the house. My standard reply has been, "I'm busy right now. Go ask your mother."

The disappointed look often on his face as I sent him away convinced me to change my priorities. I resolved to give him my immediate attention whenever he asked. My resolve was quickly tested. I had just climbed to the top of our two-storied house, paintbrush and bucket in hand. As I dipped my brush into the paint I heard his little voice call, "Daddy, Daddy."

Determined to keep my new resolution, I immediately laid paintbrush and bucket aside and climbed back down to the ground to see what he wanted. I got down on both knees, looked him straight in the face and asked, "Well, now what can I do for you, son?"

His reply: "Daddy, where's Mommy?"

—Rick Harrison, Newark, OH. Christian Reader, "Lite Fare."

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9/12/12 10:59 A

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Name Game

At church one morning, my friend Gwen was about to start her 4-year-olds' Sunday school class when a little boy showed up without any identification. Gwen managed to get his first name, but couldn't find out his last name. "Brian, what's your daddy's name?" she asked. "Daddy," he replied. She tried again, "Brian, what's your mommy's name?" "Mommy," he answered. Suddenly she realized exactly how she could get the answer she needed. "Brian, what does your daddy call your mommy?" His face lit up. With a grin and a deep voice, he replied, "Hey, Babe."

—Susan Boatright, Savannah, GA. Today's Christian Woman, "Heart to Heart."

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9/9/12 4:58 P

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Looking for a Hand

During a play which our youth group wrote and performed at a conference, the actor who was playing the part of a leper started across the stage. He waved people away from himself and yelled, "Unclean, unclean!" As he was doing this, a fake rubber hand flew out of his sleeve and onto the floor. The actor who played Jesus then entered the scene and picked up the rubber hand. Walking over to the leper and tapping him on the shoulder, he suggested, "Excuse me, but you look like you could use a hand!"

—Beth Murray, Yellow Grass, Sask. Christian Reader, "Lite Fare."

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9/7/12 12:03 P

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Runs, Hits, and Errors

Preschooler Denny came to class one morning bubbling with excitement about having played tee ball. "We won our game," he said.

"Did you get any hits?" I asked.

"Yes," he answered. "And I got some scratches, too."

—Dorothy Hsu, Columbus, Ohio. Christian Reader, "Kids of the Kingdom."

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9/5/12 5:21 P

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This Week's Funny
Four-Part Hummony

The plans for the wedding service I was performing were as grand and elegant as the church in which it was taking place—except for one flaw. The appointed time for the service arrived, but the organist did not. With hundreds of guests waiting, I frantically tried to find an organist.

The uncle of the bride, a retired pastor, asked about the delay. I explained the situation, and he suggested we begin. Opening the door to the sanctuary, I saw the same uncle at the front with arms raised. A hush fell on the crowd. When the uncle brought his arms down, two hundred people began to hum—in four-part harmony—the Bridal March.

—Steven Poole, Issaquah, Wash. Christian Reader, "Rolling Down the Aisle."

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8/31/12 7:38 P

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This Week's Funny
You Call That Adultery?

As children's pastor, I listened as a fourth-grade Sunday school teacher shared a concern. Completing a quarter's lessons on the Ten Commandments, he had asked the kids, "What is the hardest Commandment for you to keep?" to which most of them responded, "Thou shalt not commit adultery."

We couldn't understand why fourth graders would find that command a problem until a mother quizzed her son on what he thought committing adultery meant. Without blinking, the boy replied, "Thou shalt not sass back to adults."

—Sheryl Tedder, Omaha, Nebraska. Christian Reader, "Kids of the Kingdom."

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This Week's Funny
Bibles in Spanish

My family was visiting a church and the minister announced they had both Spanish and English Bibles for use during the service. My youngest son tugged at my sleeve and whispered, "Mommy, I want one of those Spanish Bibles."

"Don't be silly, you can't read Spanish," I quickly rejoined.

Holding out his own Bible to me, my kindergartner explained, "Mom, I can't read English either."

—Rebecca Self, Chaparral, New Mexico. Today's Christian Woman, "Heart to Heart."

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7/24/12 11:52 A

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Maintaining... it's what I do.


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7/21/12 6:38 P

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I am on my way to my healthy weight.Praise the Lord!

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7/19/12 7:04 P

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This Week's Funny
Singular Sensation

Our church has a singles ministry called SALT (Single Adults Learning Together). During a recent service, our minister mentioned SALT in the announcements. "If any of you are single," he told the congregation, "be sure to check out SALT. Those initials stand for …" The minister paused a moment before continuing. At last he seemed to remember their meaning. "They stand for Single Adults Living Together."

—Carolyn Bolz, Riverside, CA. Today's Christian Woman, "Heart to Heart."

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7/7/12 8:22 P

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This Week's Funny
Hot Pursuit

I always scoffed at the idea of a generation gap—until recently, that is. While talking to my pre-teen daughter, I mentioned how important it was to be chaste.

"But why, Mom?" she asked. "I'd rather do the chasing myself instead of being chased."

—Janell Wheeler, Skellytown, Texas. Christian Reader, "Lite Fare."

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6/26/12 2:41 P

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This Week's Funny
Just Talking Baseball, Coach

During a long and losing baseball game, the restless 12-year-old players were questioning Ritchie, their assistant coach, about his attractive younger sister. Annoyed at the idle chatter, the head coach hollered, "When you're in the dugout, talk baseball!"

After a moment's silence, a young voice began, "So, Ritchie, does your sister play baseball?"

—Jack Eppolito, Tulsa, Oklahoma. Christian Reader, "Lite Fare."

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This Week's Funny
Divine Directions

One day I decided to take my three children to an ice skating party in a nearby town, but after several wrong turns and stops to ask directions, I pulled over to the side of the road and suggested we all ask God to help us find the rink. When we finally arrived, we were nearly an hour late. The following week, as we got into the car to go skating again, my five-year-old son exclaimed, "Mom, let's pray now and save time!"

—Pegi Tehan, Dayton, OH. Today's Christian Woman, "Heart to Heart."

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6/16/12 3:35 P

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This Week's Funny
What Children See …

We hadn't told our toddler Daylene her aunt was pregnant. At two-and-a-half years, we thought she wouldn't notice. We were speechless when one day someone said, "Looks like Aunt Dodie has a watermelon in her tummy," to which Daylene exclaimed, "Do you think the baby will eat it?"

—Virginia Bartle, New Salem, Kentucky. Christian Reader, "Kids of the Kingdom."

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6/12/12 7:49 A

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This Week's Funny
Jesus Wasn't There

My three-year-old grandson found a quarter in the driveway as the family left for church. When they returned home, he pulled it out of his pocket and handed it to his mother saying, "You can have this money, Mommy. I was going to give it to Jesus, but he wasn't there."

—Joyce Parsonm, Concord, North Carolina. Christian Reader, "Kids of the Kingdom."

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Thank you for my dose of medicine today "laughter"

I am on my way to my healthy weight.Praise the Lord!

Leader : "Celebrate what God has done for you today." (SP)

Leader:"A new Me!"( SP)


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This Week's Funny
Her Favorite Star

Our nine-year-old recently received her first autograph album and immediately began recording personal data. We could tell she has lived in a remote area of Alaska with no television or movies when we saw her answer to the line "Name your favorite star." Without hesitation, she wrote "North."

—Jack Eppolito, Tulsa, Oklahoma. Christian Reader, "Kids of the Kingdom."

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This Week's Funny
Students Connive to Ride Train for Free

Three college freshman and three seniors are traveling home for Thanksgiving break. At the station, the three freshmen buy tickets for themselves and watch as the seniors buy just one ticket.

"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the freshmen.

"Watch and learn," answers one of the seniors.

They all board the train. The three freshmen take their respective seats as all three seniors cram into a toilet together and close the door. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The freshmen observe and agree it's a clever idea, so they decide to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. The seniors are also there, but they don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed freshman.

"Watch and learn," answers a senior.

When they board the train, the three seniors cram themselves into one toilet and the three freshmen cram into another toilet across the way.

Shortly after the train is on its way, one of the seniors leaves their toilet and walks to the toilet where the freshmen are hiding. The senior knocks on their door and says, "Ticket, please."

—Author unknown; adapted and submitted by Aaron Goerner, Utica, New York

My Teams: ✞Keep GOD First✞
Christian Living - The Official Team
Calling Christian Women - The Official Team
Spark Georgia – The Official State Team
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People with Disabilities
Dealing with Chronic Pain
♥¸.•*¨)♥ -:¦:- ♥~**♥~.•*´¨ ) ♥
♥ Your Sparkfriend Sheila.♥*¨)♥
.•*´¨ )♥ ¸.•*¨) ♥-:¦:- ♥
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