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hi im michaela,kayla. i used 2 cut myself and scratch my arms and bite them.i havent done it now for 1 yr and 9 months.
*Shannon Cook's Fiance 4ever*
-#1 NightMare Before Christmas and Frankenweenie fan
kayla babey peachez
lette 4 lyfe!
my facebook page : www.facebook.com/MichaelaDawnHantzsche
just say ur from sparkpeople plz on facebook
Hi, my name is Kezia,I'm21 yrs old I've been cutting off and on since high school. I'm really glad i found this team. I'm happy to know that there are people here that go through the same things that i go through. My parents don't know about it at least i don't the think so. The only person I've told is my boyfriend. I haven't cut in a while but I think about it,when I'm stressed or angry, once I picked up the knife and I traced it against my skin but I didn't do it. I've been reading a lot about it and I really do want to go to therapy soon, I want to get to the bottom and truly understand why I cut and how it started so that I can get better.
I apologize for not responding sooner. I am so sorry that you have had such a rough time. And I understand how stress makes everything worse. How are you doing now? I don't want to encourage you in any way but do you wash with hydrogen peroxide after you cut? This helps minimize infection. Are you in therapy? What else have you tried to do to help you feel better besides cutting?
Let us know how we can help and welcome.
P.S. "To Write Love on her Arms" is also a great team if you have not already joined. :)
Hi, My name is Debbie, Im 41 years old and have kept this secret for many years until now.
I was adopted when I was three years old and my father died when I was thirteen. I had been molested when I was about 6 yrs ago by a church janitor.
I tried committing suicide right after my fathers death. My mom didnt understand what I was going though. Of course she was dealing with alot herself.
I started cutting when I was 19 years old. It has taken on different forms. I have lymphedema in both legs and I get frequent infections in my legs and sometimes the wounds I get dont heal properly because I have self injured them again.
I know this has made my condition worse but sometimes I just cant help that.
Im getting married on the 1st of next month. He knows a little of what I do but not to the extent of what really goes on.
Stress seems to bring it on full force. Im trying to find other things to do since the wedding is getting so close and Im seeing some family I havent seen for thirty years. Gotta keep up appearances.
Man does this feel pathetic. Hoping to find a place where I feel safe in sharing this nightmare and not feel ashamed.
LIFE ISNT SURVIVING THE STORM, ITS LEARNING TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
ITS BETTER TO GIVE SOMEONE A PIECE OF YOUR HEART, THEN A PIECE OF YOUR MIND.
I want to thank all of the members who have been so candid about posting what your going through. There are a few things that struck a chord with me. I cut all through high school and then recently started again when I was suffering dissociative episodes due to PTSD. I agree that when I started, it too was with a tack, and just for a scratch. I even got the idea because I saw one of my friends seriously cut herself (for the purposes of suicide) and wondered to herself how anyone could do that. But even though I cut for years and years, it was never for the intention of suicide. It was always because there was some other reason behind it. It is scary though, because for some reason, you feel like it's not wrong. It's like an addiction. you think, if I'm not hurting anyone else, and I'm not suicidal, what's the problem? The best way is to cope that I know of so far is to figure out what emotion is triggering the feeling of wanting to cut and then figuring out some way of releasing that emotion in a different way. Maybe make a list beforehand of other things you can do. Also, once I told a friend about it, anytime I felt unsafe, he came over and collected all of the items that I would normally cut with. He didn't mind it. I don't know if you have someone supportive like that, but it really helps.
Finding a therapist who is not judgmental, understands you are not suicidal, and who has dealt with cutters before is also vital.
"Optimism is the Foundation of Courage."
-Nicholas Murray Butler
"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered."
"Believe you can and you're halfway there."
I am glad that you found us, and I really hope that this can become a safe place where you can come and vent. We are all on thisz journey to get better. I am looking forward to getting to know you.
Hey there. I'm Amanda and I am 23. I have a 3 year old daughter and a husband of 4 years. My whole life has been crazy. So many ups and downs. Horrible childhood, depression as far back as I can remember. I hit a low point last year when I started cutting. It was so ironic since I had watched my best friend and my younger sister go through it and told myself I'd never do that. It went on for months. Everytime my husband and I fought I'd stay up late, do what I wasn't suppose to do and in the morning before he left he'd always check my arms before work. He would get so upset that I would do that to myself. He tried to help me but ended up not. I reached out to an Aunt of mine who I love very much. She did everything for me since I couldn't do it for myself. She got therapists numbers, had me pick one, made the appointment, went with me. I went to a psychiatrist and psychologist. I was "officially" diagnosed with soooo many things. I never knew anyone could have so many problems. I have major depressive disorder, 2 types of ADD (who knew there were 5 types out there?), Manic, OCD, PTSD, and my therapist told me I was hypersensitive??? Anyway, I struggle with a lot. I haven't cut for a few months. I get urges now and then.. I'm just waiting for something to push me over like when I did it the first time. I used to be on medications but they made me worse and when you start taking meds for side effects of meds I didn't want any of it. I'm trying to get healthier for my family. I hate seeing my husband disappointed in me.
I am 5 months cut free, which is the longest I have ever made it. I am pretty psyched by it. I am starting to come out of the worst depression of my life. I started a new med. I am sure you all know how this works. You hit rock bottom, they finally listen and switch your med, you are scared to death to believe it might work, you take it and you wait. Then a few days go by and you start to feel a little different, which scares you more. But you go ahead and start over. You make plans, you start paying attention to your diet, you start trying to get enough sleep, etc. and you wait.
I hope I can be of some help to you while I am waiting. and I hope this one works!
"The heart of the law be this; and it harm none."
What you send out into the universe will come home to you times three.
Truth is the only real kindness.
Words once said can never be taken back, they change the course of the universe. Be careful with them.
Hi all, my name is Catherine. I waited to introduce myself a little bit after I joined this group because I was/am still a little ashamed that anyone knows I do this cutting thing.
For me, it's not an all the time thing. I don't remember how old I was when I started, but I do remember making my parents mad at me and I was mad at them and I felt ashamed for letting them down or something to that affect. I grabbed some toe nail clippers and used the hook thing that can get dirt out from under the nails. I don't think I made my cuts bleed that first time, it was just a relief to feel the pain from the mere scratch.
I don't remember how many times I've cut or scratched myself, but I know it has gotten a lot worse and definitely more frequent lately. My husband and I had a tremendously huge fight about two months before we got married where he threatened to leave me if I didn't make some changes. In his defense, if I wouldn't have changed, our marriage would have never lasted even this far. I remember going to my parents house when they weren't home, taking a kitchen knife, and cutting myself all up and down my arm. Ironically, I made eight gashes and we had only been together for eight months at the time. I didn't consciously count them.
Since then, I've cut myself almost every time we have a big argument. My husband has seen my scars (although there aren't that many because I don't want people to get suspicious) and tried to get me to admit to cutting, but he's always said that he can't be with someone who feels so much self-pity that they cut themselves. So, I've always lied about it. Until last week. We had a fight and I was on my way to walk out the door after our confrontation and made the mistake of reaching for the closest knife. He asked me again if I cut. I didn't care anymore if he knew and left, so I told him the truth. He immediately goes on this kick where he's trying not to make me mad or even irritate me and he went behind my back to my parents and told them about it. He even considered taking my knives and my guns away from me until I made him read some material that cutting is not about suicide, at least for me.
My parents and my husband have been acting weird around me ever since, which makes me feel more alone than I felt before. I'm supposed to be making an appointment to begin therapy this week. I don't suffer from major depression or thoughts of suicide, I just have very intense emotions that I feel trapped by because I can't seem to express them in a healthy manner. Hopefully, I can find a good counselor who can teach me other coping techniques and whoever I find to be my counselor, my husband has agreed to see the same person so he can understand my issues better and, hopefully, it will enrich our marriage as well. That my husband would even consider going to therapy means that he is seriously freaked out. He thinks therapy is for weak-minded, self-pitying people. However, after he did some reading on his own, he knows that this is a problem he can't help me through and he knows I'm not weak-minded, so this is making him see things in a whole new light. Interesting that it took this for that light bulb to go off in his head.
Also, this is not a post to bash my husband. He loves me very much and shows me in many ways every single day and I know that he will not leave me. However, in our fights, I always manage to think that I'm going to anger him so much, that this will be the fight to make him leave me. It is my twisted way of thinking (fear of rejection I guess) that makes him seem harsh sometimes. So please don't think ill of him.
"Love is my religion."-Ziggy Marley
"A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes."-Ghandi
hey, my name's michelle and i'm from new zealand. Ive been self hamring since i was 12..thats 6 years now. I picked it up in such a stupid way; i read an artical in a magazine and thought i'd try it. Thats the only regret i have. Um, if anyone has any tips on how to fight this i could really do with the help. =)
Forget yesterday, live for today.
Hello, my name is Lauren and I'm a recovered cutter/self-harmer. I'm still working to get over the depression that has plagued me for most of my life, but I am getting through it on a day-by-day basis. I look forward to gaining support from this group and offering whatever encouragement I can to others who may need it!
« « Lauren » »
"I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday." -Unknown
i love spark people i feel like everyone is family
Hi all - I'm hopeful that having others to chat with who share this compulsion will help me understand why I did it ... and still want to. I've got so many scars I look like I was thrown through a window. I don't want to do it anymore. It is my hope we can help each other overcome the things that drive us to cutting. Peace & Blessings to my new friends.
Stay calm and carry on.
As you may have guessed, the name's Pippa and I'm from the UK. I'm 21, a student teacher and for the last half a year or so I've had inexplicable urges to cut, many of which I've carried out. I'm really glad I found this team and hope to offer support to you all!
Ok, that was cheese yes? hehe oh well.
Edited by: PIPPAUK87 at: 2/11/2009 (13:23)
"Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."
"some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone"
"Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't kill their husbands. They don't."
Hi, I'm Claire. I've been on SP about a week now. This looks like a great place for support! I look forwarding to meeting more people!
will fill in later