Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.
 

team2525forum


  Team Forum
Survivors of Abuse

A Guide to Posting in Your SparkTeam Forum

  FORUM:   Introduce Yourself to Team Forum
TOPIC:   Please introduce yourself 


Search
Reply Create A New Topic Subscribe to this Discussion
Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.
Author: Message: Sorting Last Post on Top


BLESSEDBEING
BLESSEDBEING's Photo SparkPoints: (76,511)
Fitness Minutes: (70,716)
Posts: 7,088
3/26/14 8:50 P

BLESSEDBEING's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Sorry you had to go through that, Elaine. And yes, you did the right thing. Protecting ourselves from harm is always positive. I'm glad you found us.

Our stories and experiences may be different, but we know and remind each other that we deserve to be happy and healthy, no matter what happened in our past, or may still be going on in our lives. We deserve to survive, and more--to thrive!

emoticon and emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 145.0 
 
215
197.5
180
162.5
145


LOVELYLAINEY
LOVELYLAINEY's Photo SparkPoints: (1,805)
Fitness Minutes: (1,115)
Posts: 117
3/26/14 8:17 P

LOVELYLAINEY's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi all, I wanted to find a group to help me get through a horrible Ideal. My 27 year old son physically abused me last night ,I had him arrested and have a restrain order on him..the problem is I feel terrible and I know I did the right thing ,but I still feel awful : (

Thanks for being there !

Elaine

I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me!


 Pounds lost: 14.0 
 
0
13.5
27
40.5
54


BLESSEDBEING
BLESSEDBEING's Photo SparkPoints: (76,511)
Fitness Minutes: (70,716)
Posts: 7,088
3/18/14 11:46 P

BLESSEDBEING's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
You are very welcome. Actually I hadn't "done the assignment" yet, so I'm glad you reminded me! emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 145.0 
 
215
197.5
180
162.5
145


NEWARIES
SparkPoints: (1,620)
Fitness Minutes: (416)
Posts: 19
3/17/14 4:11 P

Send Private Message
Reply
Thank you Blessed Being. I am going to try that out today since a text just sent me into a tailspin.


 Pounds lost: 7.2 
 
0
6.75
13.5
20.25
27


BLESSEDBEING
BLESSEDBEING's Photo SparkPoints: (76,511)
Fitness Minutes: (70,716)
Posts: 7,088
3/8/14 10:59 P

BLESSEDBEING's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
One of the ideas I got from my therapist at the last session was to put together an "emergency kit" for when feelings get overwhelming, or I'm struggling or just out of balance. It could have a list of things that make me feel better--what to read or listen to, phone numbers to call, movies to watch, reminders to take a walk, do some stretches, favorite quotes, a special candle, a teddy bear--anything and everything that can help me self-sooth and get back to a place where I can better deal.

I really like the planning ahead, and having tools I can turn to when I'm feeling needy. Don't know if something like this would be helpful or not.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 145.0 
 
215
197.5
180
162.5
145


NEWARIES
SparkPoints: (1,620)
Fitness Minutes: (416)
Posts: 19
3/8/14 3:13 P

Send Private Message
Reply
Hi Wispy - all good tips. Yes I've seen some helpful sites. I like the carrot idea - sometimes it is just the matter of chewing that provides the comfort. I'm so frustrated with what goes on in family court I'd rather not dwell on it. I want to focus on recovering and moving forward.

It is hardest for me when my child (only one) is away, especially when ex is playing phone games and I don't have contact. That's when the stress gets really bad. His main sources of abuse are manipulations and mindgames, and some of that has started so I just try to teach assertiveness and problem solving. To a young child!

I will read through the topics. I need better tools to get the eating in check when that stress takes over. I hate that I'm giving him that control.


 Pounds lost: 7.2 
 
0
6.75
13.5
20.25
27


-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
3/8/14 1:58 P

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hello,

Many of us have been victims of emotional eating - there is no doubt that it does prove comforting at the time of eating - but then as you say there is the weight gain at the end. I have found that having having healthy things to eat right at the front of the fridge is a great help with impulse eating. We often tend to open the door and grab the first thing that is available. This allows a little cool off period.

Chewing on a carrot and then grabbing a pen and paper, or even the computer and writing out all the pent up emotions with no censorship at all has helped me so much. Just letting it all come out of your head and on to paper relieves the tension. I have just done this very thing (a cup of tea not a carrot :o). It was 6.0am today when the drumming next door started. It woke me up. There is a guy there who is learning or practicing and does it early morning, afternoon and evening Have to tell you I could cheerfully throttle him or them. It is a group who rented a few months ago.

I have told them I would appreciate it if they did not play early morning, their response was to play louder and longer - so I sure hear you on the aggravation front. I have written another more strongly worded letter. Will see what happens next.

That must be very difficult to handle and I understand the stress. Sharing the emotions is better than keeping them bottled up and I also found counseling was a great help.

How many children do you have and do they enjoy the visits with their father? The chopping and changing of visitation times (if that is what you are referring to) must be infuriating). I am wondering if there might be a group either where you live or on line for people in your situation. It is always good to talk to others who are experiencing a similar situation because they often have information that the rest of us do not or even a single parent group may have others who are in a similar situation. At least they would understand what you are going through.

Wish I could be of more help.





"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


NEWARIES
SparkPoints: (1,620)
Fitness Minutes: (416)
Posts: 19
3/8/14 11:38 A

Send Private Message
Reply
Thank you for the welcomes. The marriage is over but the abuse is not. It does lesson each year but there is current litigation pending which is all rubbish but still requires attention and legal fees. I have shared custody with the "counterparent." I have reported him to the police. I have done everything I can to protect myself and my home. He was not physical (although if I had stayed longer, I think he would have been) so the court didn't care about my child's emotional health. Even the mentally ill get lots of custody. Crazy system.

I have learned all types of ways to diminish his control, but the judgment allows for him to play with the schedule. Yeah, that makes lots of sense.

I focus on the good things each day and that keeps me going, but I do have severe setbacks with overeating or eating junk. I lost 6 lbs at the beginning of the year and in the last couple of weeks gained back 8!! It is very frustrating. My body is not handling the stress as well as it used to. The marriage was a decade and getting out of it and the lingering abuse has been 4.


 Pounds lost: 7.2 
 
0
6.75
13.5
20.25
27


BLESSEDBEING
BLESSEDBEING's Photo SparkPoints: (76,511)
Fitness Minutes: (70,716)
Posts: 7,088
3/7/14 11:09 P

BLESSEDBEING's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon NewAries--I'm glad you found us. I'm sorry to hear that the legal battles are continuing, but very happy that you got away from a toxic situation. I hope you find information, friendship, or inspiration that supports you on your journey, both on the site and on this team. Thanks for reaching out.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 145.0 
 
215
197.5
180
162.5
145


-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
3/7/14 3:10 P

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi there Newaries and welcome to the team. We are happy to have you with us.

My second marriage was to a man with ptsd who would not take his meds. So I have some idea perhaps of what it is like for you.

However I am hearing in your post that you have left him and have custody of your child. This was an enormous step forward for you to take. Have you finalised the divorce so that there are no ongoing joint concerns except child visitation.

I do not have any experience in this matter. But I do know that people frequently meet in a place like McDonalds for the handover and pick up. Does your ex husband have full visitiation rights or is it under supervision? Are you concerned for child's safety while with him? Keeping contact to a minimum with an abusive ex partner is the only way I can think of that might be helpful. I had to threaten to get the police with my ex husband and in my case this worked very well - because he knew that I would do it as I belonged to a victim support group organised by the police. It was suggested i get bullet proof glass in the windows and a very large guard dog. I did get strengthened glass but did not want the type of guard dog they suggested.

Feel free to share as much as you would like on the "how are you feeling", or "sharing the hard stuff" threads

Edited by: -WISPY- at: 3/7/2014 (15:11)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


NEWARIES
SparkPoints: (1,620)
Fitness Minutes: (416)
Posts: 19
3/7/14 10:46 A

Send Private Message
Reply
I was married to an npd/bpd/apd or in other words, someone suffering from some combo of the complex B personality disorders with narcissist leading the pack. I suffered emotional, psychological and financial abuse. Family court allowed that to continue, and now because we have a child together family court allows it to continue still. I like to think of myself as a survivor as I got out of such a horrible marriage, but sometimes the ongoing abuse overwhelms me. My biggest hope is that he tires of the legal expense and starts targeting his live in girlfriend - you know, the one from college that he "wasn't" having the at a minimum emotional affair during my marriage after hers fell apart.

I've done tons of reading and still find it helpful to hear coping tools and keys to minimize contact from others in similar situations. What I find shocking is how much abuse there is that goes unrecognized, and people don't want to call a spade a spade. Perhaps it makes their own lives less rosy. I don't know, but I try to help anyone dealing with personality disorders or family court. Lots of similarities there!


 Pounds lost: 7.2 
 
0
6.75
13.5
20.25
27


BLESSEDBEING
BLESSEDBEING's Photo SparkPoints: (76,511)
Fitness Minutes: (70,716)
Posts: 7,088
2/11/14 11:52 P

BLESSEDBEING's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Wispy always has lots of wisdom to share! Here are 2 things that help me:

Paying attention to my words and thoughts. I love Louise Hay's book You Can Heal Your Life (especially the illustrated gift edition, because it's pretty and a joy to read & look at), though I always recommend skipping the first chapter, What I Believe, since it's not necessary to agree with her, and I don't on all counts. But the rest of it, and the many affirmations, and the loving, gentle ways she guides you to talk to and about yourself, are pure gold.

Babysteps: I'm all about making lasting, sustainable change by changing one small thing at a time. I appreciate the motto or mantra "Progress, Not Perfection." Just do a little bit better, a little bit more--and if you keep it up consistently, you'll see progress. It may be easier to change one aspect of eating at a time (a healthier breakfast, less night time snacking) than to expect yourself to eat "perfectly" all day long, every day. Once that one change gets easier, you can introduce another small change. I credit babysteps (and the Babysteps Brigade team I founded) with my success at dropping 70 pounds over 2-plus years.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 145.0 
 
215
197.5
180
162.5
145


-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
2/10/14 6:41 P

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi Stevie,

Perhaps low self-esteem is sabotaging you. I do quite a bit of work on building up my self esteem - which did help.

I find that writing is a great help. Anything and everything just as it comes into my mind.
It is said that by looking at our own destructive thinking patterns once they are out on paper does help us to change from within. I do believe this helps a lot for me.

There is a self-esteem thread, I think it is on this team. I will see if I can find it and drag it up to the top so you can take a look and see if it appeals to you.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


GOING4GOAL2014
GOING4GOAL2014's Photo Posts: 306
2/10/14 5:12 A

Send Private Message
Reply
Wispy and BlessedBeing- Thank you for the warm welcome.

Since the last time I was hurt, my life has been on a downward slide like you can't even imagine. Bad choice, after bad choice, avoidance, sabotage.....

Sure, I have healed a bunch. I have done tons of counseling including group therapy which I found to be immensely helpful. And have healed tons through previous years here at spark.

But Ilook back at the YEARS of destruction and i am so frustrated and mad at myself. I want to just stand up dust myself off and start being good to myself cause I have learned that I deserve that but I am constantly tripping over the mess I made and it just tees me off! Every mess makes me send a silent shriek into the night at my dad. Darn him for what he did to me! That i was so hurt that i did all this! I can't even be mad at him anymore. Nothing he did to me should have caused this total chaos. I should have been able to turn it around. To live a good life in spite of him. But instead my whole life looks like a giant preteen tantrum.

I have given up on a ton of amazing opportunities one that I may never get back all because I didn't think I deserved them. Oh I will just boff it up anyway...and I would walk away.

And I sit here stewing saying to myself if I just had one more chance to make things right...oooh things would be different. But then I get one...and I mess it all up. This sparking for instance. My goodness I just can't get it right! I sabotage every day. I start with all this motivation and gusto, and buy all these healthy foods and I still find a way to screw up each and every day.

I know I need to go easy on myself. That I need to forgive myself for all the destruction. That I need to be understanding. And just move on. But every time I trip over one of the messes I just want to whack my own behind.

Any advice?

NickName: Stevie
Beginning Weight: 236

There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living. ~ Nelson Mandela

Don't compare yourself to others. Compare yourself to the person from yesterday....

Follow me on Pinterest!
http://www.pinterest.com/Enchantedslip
pr/


 April Minutes: 30
 
0
90
180
270
360


BLESSEDBEING
BLESSEDBEING's Photo SparkPoints: (76,511)
Fitness Minutes: (70,716)
Posts: 7,088
2/8/14 11:45 P

BLESSEDBEING's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon to the team. It's good to find others who "get it" and understand how hard some things can be for us that not everyone has to deal with.

It doesn't matter that my abuse happened decades ago. I've done a lot of work and healing, but I know those past wounds can still affect the way I react to people and situations. I'm pleased to have returned to therapy and have found a very good practitioner to work with. She has suggested some great resources., some of which I've shared here. In fact there's some great information to be found on some of the threads here. We're not a real active group at this time, but a lot of wisdom has been shared here. I hope some of it may be of help to you, too.

I'm always interested in what tools have helped people cope and grow. And or course our friend Wispy is a font of helpful information. Thank you for reaching out. I wish you success and joy on your Spark journey!
emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 145.0 
 
215
197.5
180
162.5
145


-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
2/8/14 3:48 P

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi there so pleased you have come and introduced yourself.

Counselling was very helpful to me - in fact I would never have got out the things I needded to get out without it. I had buried so much stuff I didnt even remember why I felt as bad as I did about myself and life. As a result of counselling I got to grips with so many things that affected me and I began to understand flashbacks of emotions that certain situations would bring up in me.

I have had an issue with depression for as long as I can remember. I thought it was just how I felt - had no idea others did not feel the same way. I just knew I did not belong with other children at school, I always felt separate and apart and so so lonely. I had felt unloveable and bad and guilty all my life without any knowledge of why I felt this way. My only way of feeling any better was to make myself be good and always think of what I could do to help others. As I grew older I began to think this was a very spiritual way of life ... and indeed under different circumstances it most likely would have been. It was motives that were the problem. I was doing it so I felt better about myself and so that I got some kind of affection and a feeling of belonging. But along with that went other feelings of why did others not treat me in the same way. Why was it always me who was considering them and never the other way round. I would get very resentful and angry that it always seemed me to be giving and never the other people involved.

I discovered so many answers I needed as I began to explore my life and why I did things the way I did. It was scary at the time facing up to the real reasons why I did things and to discover that far from being a good thing, I was in fact co-dependent which was in turn causing a lot of my own problems in relationships.

Feel free to post as often and as fully as you like.

Hugs Wispy


"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


GOING4GOAL2014
GOING4GOAL2014's Photo Posts: 306
2/8/14 2:15 P

Send Private Message
Reply
I am an abuse survivor. I no longer replay the events in my head. And as a whole it no longer concerns me. But there are aspects of my life that continue to be affected by it. I have recently started blogging my feelings and some comments that people have made have made me realize that maybe I do need some support.

Just this week, I had my primary doctor put me back on anti-depressants. Mostly for motivational issues. I don't really feel depressed anymore. I feel frustrated.But not depressed. I am awaiting for a referral to go through for a counselor to find a way to move forward now that I have healed.

Anyway, I hope I can find some friends here. And can lend some support to others. I hate that there are 249 of us on this team who are all survivors (count when I joined)! and I hate that there are so many more than that who do not reach out for support. I see a few familiar faces here. emoticon

Edited by: GOING4GOAL2014 at: 2/8/2014 (14:24)
NickName: Stevie
Beginning Weight: 236

There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living. ~ Nelson Mandela

Don't compare yourself to others. Compare yourself to the person from yesterday....

Follow me on Pinterest!
http://www.pinterest.com/Enchantedslip
pr/


 April Minutes: 30
 
0
90
180
270
360


-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
1/19/14 7:01 P

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi there Diamond, very pleased you have joined us.

My parents wanted a boy and instead they got me. So I sure do hear you on that one.

I have found sharing with people who understand is a great help in healing. I no longer feel alone as I used to.

Looking forward to getting to know you.

Hugs Wispy


"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


BLESSEDBEING
BLESSEDBEING's Photo SparkPoints: (76,511)
Fitness Minutes: (70,716)
Posts: 7,088
1/19/14 12:53 P

BLESSEDBEING's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon Carol. It's good to hear from you. I hope you'll check out some of the resources mentioned in the various threads, or just check in and chat on the daily How Are You Feeling? thread.

We all have different stories, and may be at different points along our respective journeys to healing and wellness. But we understand some of the unique & at times seemingly overwhelming obstacles to growth and wholeness. Wishing you joy and success.

Blessed Be, Amanda emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 145.0 
 
215
197.5
180
162.5
145


19DIAMOND54
19DIAMOND54's Photo Posts: 1,854
1/19/14 10:09 A

19DIAMOND54's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I've survived physical, mental, and emotional abuse. I wonder often how I made it this far. I'm here for a reason. I think I finally know what that reason is.

My life started with my family and then carried on from there with relationships, jobs etc. It is very difficult to have a positive outlook or trust people when your own family were and are not trustworthy. I was suppose to be a boy and therefore disappointed my dad to the point that he rejected me all of my childhood life. His attitude was contagious and spread to the my mother and brothers.

Anyway all in the past now. I'm here.

Carol


 current weight: 166.0 
 
169
164.25
159.5
154.75
150


-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
12/13/13 6:49 P

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I am sorry I do not have any information on this topic. I am sure you have scoured the web for anything that might be helpful.

I am wondering if there are groups for people, or relatives of people in this situation, a bit like AA is for addicts.
There is a group called Al Alon for the families and friends of those who are addicted to alcohol, and similar fellowships for those with drug, gambling and other issues.

It must be a very difficult situation and finding others who are in a similar situation might be very helpful.

Hugs Wispy



"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


LAURANCE
SparkPoints: (124,056)
Fitness Minutes: (42,870)
Posts: 3,215
12/13/13 6:37 P

LAURANCE's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Thanks for your kind welcome, Wispy.

I'm looking for information about Stockholm Syndrome, specifically Stockholm that results in a long-term relationship. We can find info about how it happens and what it's like early on. But I don't know what info there is about long-term effects.
emoticon


 current weight: 141.0 
 
168
153.5
139
124.5
110


-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
12/13/13 6:21 P

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi there Laura, we are so pleased to have you with us.

Wherever you are in your journey you have found people who understand because we have been there. The abuse may be different from person to person, but it seems to leave similar scars and 'stuff' we have to deal with.

I am sending you loving thoughts and hoping that the abuse is in your past. If it is in the present just know that you can vent here or drop me a private email any time over the holidays. Holidays were always the worst times for me.

Love Wispy

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


LAURANCE
SparkPoints: (124,056)
Fitness Minutes: (42,870)
Posts: 3,215
12/12/13 7:35 P

LAURANCE's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I'm Laura, and it may take me some time to try to explain what it's all about for me. I'll be reading and responding and trying to figure out how and what to tell about what happened. Thank you for having this team here.


 current weight: 141.0 
 
168
153.5
139
124.5
110


BLESSEDBEING
BLESSEDBEING's Photo SparkPoints: (76,511)
Fitness Minutes: (70,716)
Posts: 7,088
10/7/13 11:54 P

BLESSEDBEING's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon I agree with Wispy that it doesn't matter how long ago the abuse or trauma happened; it can still have such an impact on how we perceive and interact with the world.

I'm reading a great book, 8 Keys to Safe Trauma Recovery, and it explains what happens in the brain (with the amygdala & hippocampus) that can make it feel like it's still happening, or could happen again. That totally helped me understand my PTS better. And I'm in therapy again, 50 years after my abuse began, and it's making a difference and making my life better.

Our individual stories may differ, but we get it and support each other in finding life affirming ways to make positive changes in our lives. I'm glad you found us. emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 145.0 
 
215
197.5
180
162.5
145


-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
10/5/13 5:58 A

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Welcome to the team.

I am so sorry - that must have been a terrible ordeal to live through and I can only imagine the trauma you might have suffered going through an experience like that.
Have you considered going to therapy to work through this situation? It does not seem to matter how long after the event we start to work on our emotions. Finding a safe place to talk about these things with a person trained to help is a great release. I was in therapy on and off for many years. Finding someone who was able to understand and help was a big relief to me.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


HISWAYONLY
HISWAYONLY's Photo SparkPoints: (19,629)
Fitness Minutes: (25,334)
Posts: 28
10/5/13 12:20 A

HISWAYONLY's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hello everyone.

I am a parent of a 14 year old son, who is one of the most respectful teenagers that I have seen.
Although he does not know it, me and his Father were in an abusive relationship before he was born.
The sad thing about that is that before I met his Father, a cousin of mine that I looked at as an older sister, was killed by her boyfriend.
That being said, although this happened almost 20 years ago, I still the blood that my family and I had to clean up as well as what her body looked like.



 Pounds lost: 7.0 
 
0
5
10
15
20


BLESSEDBEING
BLESSEDBEING's Photo SparkPoints: (76,511)
Fitness Minutes: (70,716)
Posts: 7,088
7/27/13 12:55 A

BLESSEDBEING's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Yes, emoticon Christina! My years of abuse happened 40 to 50 years ago, but they affected me deeply, and I'm still healing myself. I'm glad you found us, and hope you will find encouragement and support here.
emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 145.0 
 
215
197.5
180
162.5
145


-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
7/26/13 8:45 A

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hello Christina and welcome to the team.
We certainly understand abuse of all kinds here.
Please check out the chat thread and share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with.

I ate from a very young child to try and deal with the pain of a life I did not understand and in which I could find no comfort or support. My twin died and I grew up as an only child with emotionally disturbed parents. I finally went to therapy to try and deal with the depression I had for as long as I can remember and then as my pain and anger began to come to the surface things began to improve in my life.

I am so happy to have you join us.

Hugs Wispy

Edited by: -WISPY- at: 7/26/2013 (09:26)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


CHRISTASP
CHRISTASP's Photo Posts: 1,620
7/26/13 8:04 A

Send Private Message
Reply
Hi, I'm Christina. I'm 48 and I live in the Netherlands.
My father has PTSD and when young I dealt with the behaviors from him that come with that diagnosis. I joined this team to hopefully find a place where there are others who have been / are on a healing journey.

Christina





-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
6/27/13 8:42 P

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hello LovelySweetness and welcome to our team. I also learned so much in CODA and through my time in a victim support group. You are doing just great.

This is anon-judgemental and caring place to be - looking forward to getting to know you.

Hugs Wispy

Edited by: -WISPY- at: 6/27/2013 (20:43)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


LOVELYSWEETNESS
LOVELYSWEETNESS's Photo SparkPoints: (140)
Fitness Minutes: (49)
Posts: 10
6/24/13 11:38 P

Send Private Message
Reply
Thank you BeBlessed Amanda. I appreciate the encouragement. emoticon


 current weight: 201.0 
 
217
205.75
194.5
183.25
172


BLESSEDBEING
BLESSEDBEING's Photo SparkPoints: (76,511)
Fitness Minutes: (70,716)
Posts: 7,088
6/24/13 10:39 P

BLESSEDBEING's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
LovelySweetness, emoticon It's great that you have someone new in your life *and* you are taking things slow and being sure. We have some great information and resources on our various threads. I hope you find encouragement and support here.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 145.0 
 
215
197.5
180
162.5
145


LOVELYSWEETNESS
LOVELYSWEETNESS's Photo SparkPoints: (140)
Fitness Minutes: (49)
Posts: 10
6/24/13 1:00 A

Send Private Message
Reply
Hi...

I understand some of what you went through. Big hug.


 current weight: 201.0 
 
217
205.75
194.5
183.25
172


LOVELYSWEETNESS
LOVELYSWEETNESS's Photo SparkPoints: (140)
Fitness Minutes: (49)
Posts: 10
6/24/13 1:00 A

Send Private Message
Reply
Hi...

I understand some of what you went through. Big hug.


 current weight: 201.0 
 
217
205.75
194.5
183.25
172


LOVELYSWEETNESS
LOVELYSWEETNESS's Photo SparkPoints: (140)
Fitness Minutes: (49)
Posts: 10
6/24/13 12:59 A

Send Private Message
Reply
Hi...

I understand some of what you went through. Big hug.


 current weight: 201.0 
 
217
205.75
194.5
183.25
172


LOVELYSWEETNESS
LOVELYSWEETNESS's Photo SparkPoints: (140)
Fitness Minutes: (49)
Posts: 10
6/24/13 12:41 A

Send Private Message
Reply
Hello

I am a survivor of marriage and divorce to a narcissist. He is still abusing, stalking and trying to punish me with constant court battles. I am a survivor of verbal abuse.

I have wonderful friends, a great group in codependents anonymous, a great group in domestic violence survivors. I even have a new boyfriend .. seems to be a great guy but I want to give it a lot of time before knowing for sure.

I would love an accountability partner or encouragement buddy. Prefer a single who is dating. I am in my late 40s


 current weight: 201.0 
 
217
205.75
194.5
183.25
172


-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
6/17/13 10:41 P

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Talking to others who have been there and understand was one of the best things I ever did. So wonderful not to feel alone any more.

If you have not read it there is a great book called "Courage to Heal". I could hardly believe what I was reading. There was my story on almost every page.

Hugs Wispy.

Edited by: -WISPY- at: 6/17/2013 (22:42)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


OCEANMISTCALI
OCEANMISTCALI's Photo Posts: 351
6/17/13 7:51 P

Send Private Message
Reply
thank you I will be posting more as I don't want to stay stuck anymore and be able to move forward.

www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_individ
ual.asp?gid=31050


292 Days since:  binge eating
 
0
75
150
225
300


BLESSEDBEING
BLESSEDBEING's Photo SparkPoints: (76,511)
Fitness Minutes: (70,716)
Posts: 7,088
6/16/13 1:08 A

BLESSEDBEING's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon Katie. I'm glad you found us. The pain of our past can make it hard to believe we can be truly healthy and happy, but life can always get better, especially when we step out of the dark and the shadows of fear and shame and express our truths, sharing our successes and our struggles with each other. I hope you will find comfort and support here. emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 145.0 
 
215
197.5
180
162.5
145


-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
6/15/13 10:03 P

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi there Katie, so happy you have joined the team. Indeed that is not a decision anyone should ever have to face.

I am so happy you have joined out team and look forward to getting to know you.

Hugs Wispy.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


OCEANMISTCALI
OCEANMISTCALI's Photo Posts: 351
6/15/13 5:58 P

Send Private Message
Reply
Hi my name is Katie. my childhood has been a really difficult one. up until age 4 I grew up without grandparents. at age 4 I met my dad's parents for the first time. My grandfather wanted nothing to do with me as far as a grandfather/ granddaughter relationship with me.

my grandmother abused me mostly emotional and some physical. I got the brunt of the abuse because of looking like my dad the child she hated most. When I was 10 years old I was left alone with her at a picnic and went to play on the playground with a girl my age. my much younger cousin told my grandmother and she came with a loaded hand gun pointed at my head. none of my family was around so I was left alone to face a decision and basicially decide my fate. do I give in to her demand and live? or do I stand up to her and risk death?

That is something no one should face not even a child.

www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_individ
ual.asp?gid=31050


292 Days since:  binge eating
 
0
75
150
225
300


BLESSEDBEING
BLESSEDBEING's Photo SparkPoints: (76,511)
Fitness Minutes: (70,716)
Posts: 7,088
4/28/13 11:54 P

BLESSEDBEING's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon TMGSGIRL. Yes, we understand. That violation can mess us up in so many ways. It takes time and effort and a lot of self-love and inner work to overcome the negative beliefs so many of us picked up. It may never be perfect, but can be a *whole* lot better.

Like Wispy, I did years of intensive inner work and therapy. I'm in a pretty good place now, do a lot of conscious nurturing of body and spirit. I've been alone a long time, and would like to manifest a loving relationship one of these days. But I'm so clear that no partner is always preferable to a bad or abusive one.

I hope you'll find helpful information in some of the different threads here, and accept and offer support as you share more about yourself.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 145.0 
 
215
197.5
180
162.5
145


-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
4/28/13 8:16 P

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi there TMGSGIRL, you are so in the right place. What we have here is empathy, we all know abuse in one form or another and what the after effects in our lives is like. I am so happy you have joined us. I too did not know how to be in a loving relationship and was in an abusive marriage for many years.

I have been in therapy for periods of time on an off over the years and am happy to say that I am now living alone and loving it. Many of us do go on to find loving relationships, but I choose to be on my own. I am in my seventies now and can honestly say my life has never been so contented and filled with happiness at the simple things in life. At one time I never thought I could reach a place of living without fear, anxiety, depression and all the assorted chemicals I used to put in my body to try and cope with who I was. Such low self-esteem and a feeling of wickedness from a very small child. Guilt and fear ruled my life.

Hope you will come and share with us. We have a special thread for sharing the hard stuff and I can also suggest another team which is private if you would like to post where only the team members can read what you write. This is helpful for some people who are fearful, or just do not want family or others knowing what they write.

Warm hugs Wispy.


Edited by: -WISPY- at: 4/28/2013 (20:18)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


TMGSGIRL
TMGSGIRL's Photo SparkPoints: (9,462)
Fitness Minutes: (5,723)
Posts: 496
4/28/13 2:22 P

Send Private Message
Reply
Hello eveyone , I am a woman , who survived sexual abuse which started when I was 12 ,, by several men in my family, I then grew up to choose abusive relationships, and could not flourish in a loving relationship. I am 50 years old and still have a lot of issues . And am not looking for symphathy , or pity just people who might understand.

RuthAnn;

" Never allow yourself to be bullied into silence, never allow yourself to be made a victim, accept NO ones definition of your life , Define yourself."

Its your life Take control of it.


 Pounds lost: 1.2 
 
0
25
50
75
100


BLESSEDBEING
BLESSEDBEING's Photo SparkPoints: (76,511)
Fitness Minutes: (70,716)
Posts: 7,088
4/12/13 12:05 A

BLESSEDBEING's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon Betty. I'm glad you found us. I'm sorry for your young friend, and the memories her death brought up for you. I've done a lot of inner work and healing (worked with a marvelous therapist), and do pretty well a lot of the time. Then something will happen that triggers old emotions and anxiety. It really helps having a group like this that understands a lot of the stuff we struggle with and have to work through.

emoticon from me, too, on having a supportive relationship at last. That's something I still hope to find, but I'd much rather be on my own than with someone who doesn't respect me and treat me well.

Looking forward to getting to know you better.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 145.0 
 
215
197.5
180
162.5
145


-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
4/11/13 5:44 P

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi there and a warm welcome to our Team.

I too stayed far too long in an abusive relationship and left after I had spent one night in fear for my life. I really did not expect to see the morning - but thankfully my DH had the habit of getting in a rage, abusing and then screeching off in the car for a period (how he did not have accidents I will never know) then he would storm back in and start again. This particular night he didn't go out until about dawn. I rang a friend who came and picked me up. I could not drive at the time because I had an arm in plaster. That was the final time for me. I had left so many times and gone back. This time was the last straw. Over here a woman had recently been imprisoned for killing her husband one night. He had been abusing her for years, and this one time and in the end she killed him. It was such an uproar at the time because she got sentenced but I guess murder is murder because as it turned out it was premeditated. It was not self-defence at the actual time of an attack on her which would have been a different story. If only she had left.... but then some abusive people stalk for years afterwards and the victims never feel safe. The police recommended that I get toughened glass for all the windows and a guard dog. I did get the glass, but did not want a ferocious dog as I had a lot of animals. Thankfully he only came round once and I caught him before he got up the stairs. I told him that this time the Police knew everything and I would call them instantly if he did not leave. I had spent years defending him, lying to protect him and would never report him. Looking back I realise it was insane, but at the time I did not want to lose him cos I loved him.
How strange are these attachments we form for abusive people. He was only one of many in my life. Abuse was something I thought I deserved. It took a lot of counselling, writing and working through stuff, but thankfully I am now out the other side (hopefully). I am a happy 73 year old who lives alone with a home and garden that I love.

So happy you have now found a kind and loving husband. I have stayed single this time because the "good guys" never seem to be appealing to me. I can see the bad boys a mile away these days and this is the biggest blessing, 'cos now all I want to do is give them a wide berth. :)

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


LOBOSMOMMA
LOBOSMOMMA's Photo Posts: 126
4/11/13 9:40 A

LOBOSMOMMA's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hello everyone. I'm glad this team is here. I wish more poeple knew how/where to find help.

My first marriage I married young. We fought constantly but still I was naive thinking he would change. He was controlling and mentally abusive. Once he almost hit me and I left the next day. Years later and he has been arrested several times for aggravated assualt. My second marrige I was fooled. He was a sweet caring man... until we got married and he moved me away from everyone. He became a monster. Everyhthing was always my fault. If he had heartburn, it was my fault. Since it was my 2nd marriage I was ashamed to admit I'd messed up again, I was also far away from home with nowhere to go. So I stayed. I stayed until I finally got the courage to leave. I joined the military to get away from him.

I was alone for a few years after that. I focused on finding 'me' again. I'm married for a third, and final time. He is a good man. I'm so lucky to have him and finally have a healthy relationship for once. Recently a young friend of mine was killed by the abusive husband she was trying to leave. This hit me harder than I initially thought it would. I see now that it was partly due to the circumstances. It brought up a lot of old memories for me that I thought I'd worked through. I wish I'd told her my story.

~*~ Betty ~*~

"If you truly want to change your life, you must first change your mind." - Anon


 current weight: 182.0 
 
200
187.5
175
162.5
150


-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
3/31/13 5:16 P

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi there Debra-Anne

You are in the right place with people who have been there so understand the abuse. I too am no longer in an abusive relationship but thankfully I have no contact with the person who abused me.
Sharing with a therapist and people who understand has been a life saver for me. I kept the abuse of my childhood bottled up for years and then with an abusive husband. I felt so ashamed and as if it was really all my fault. I was told often enough and I believed it as many of us do - hence the shame. This can also be confirmed by other people. I have been told to go back and try again and that if we are abused it is our own fault - and this from well meaning but misguided people who just do not understand. Thankfully everyone is becoming better informed these days and hopefully therefore less judgemental.

Having been there we do understand. Please read through the older threads and also the sharing the hard stuff thread as well as the general chat on the daily one.

Warm hugs and welcome. Wispy.

Edited by: -WISPY- at: 3/31/2013 (17:18)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


BLESSEDBEING
BLESSEDBEING's Photo SparkPoints: (76,511)
Fitness Minutes: (70,716)
Posts: 7,088
3/31/13 11:24 A

BLESSEDBEING's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon emoticon to you both, CJ and Debra! I'm glad you have left the abuse behind, CJ, and I'm sorry your ex still bothers you, Debra. No matter how far in the past the trauma was (mine was more than 4 decades ago), it can continue to affect us until we work consciously to heal ourselves, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. There are some good resources on some of the other threads, and most all of us can attest to the miracle of working with the right therapist.

I'm a big proponent of telling the truth. Most abusers are very skilled at keeping their victims silent, and part of empowering ourselves comes from refusing to stay quiet and keep the ugliness hidden. It's also a way we overcome the illusion of being alone with a shameful secret. There are sadly *way* too many of us in this boat; we are *so* not alone! And of course the shame does not belong to us, but to those who caused the pain. I'm glad you have both found us. We've been there and we understand. So emoticon again.

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 3/31/2013 (11:25)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 145.0 
 
215
197.5
180
162.5
145


DEBRA-ANNE48
DEBRA-ANNE48's Photo Posts: 113
3/31/13 11:08 A

Send Private Message
Reply
Hi. I'm Debra and I just started this group. I left an abusive marriage over 26 years ago, but he still bothers me! I find it frustrating and sometimes the bad memories come back. emoticon He was physically and mentally abusive and I left. However, he won't leave me alone even after all these years and he's with someone else! Usually I'm shy about talking in public and on here, but sometimes I guess it's better to just talk instead of keeping it inside of you. Please welcome me.


 Pounds lost: 5.0 
 
0
7.5
15
22.5
30


-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
3/28/13 7:01 P

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi there CJ, a big warm welcome to the team. I am so sorry to hear about the abuse, I too followed in the pattern and married an abusive man. I am delighted that you now have the abusers out of your life. I do as well and it is such freedom to live without all the fear and stress.

Looking forward to getting to know you.

Hugs Wispy.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


DONTGOAWAYMAD
DONTGOAWAYMAD's Photo Posts: 121
3/28/13 2:15 P

DONTGOAWAYMAD's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi, I'm CJ. I was abused by my father from the time I was 2 until I was 14 (then he was out of the picture, though I lived in fear of him until he died in 2012), sexually, physically, and emotionally. When I had just turned 17, I began an emotionally abusive relationship that lasted almost 5 years. I'm finally away from all my abusive relationships, but just beginning to recover.

"Preserving health by too severe a rule is a worrisome malady."
~Francois de La Rochefoucauld~
(1613 - 1680)


 current weight: 189.0 
 
210
190
170
150
130


BLESSEDBEING
BLESSEDBEING's Photo SparkPoints: (76,511)
Fitness Minutes: (70,716)
Posts: 7,088
1/25/13 8:44 P

BLESSEDBEING's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon back, Kelly! Glad things are improving.

Sanity, good to hear from you! I see on your weight tracker that you are less than a pound away from 100 pounds lost! emoticon emoticon emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 145.0 
 
215
197.5
180
162.5
145


-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
1/25/13 7:20 P

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi there ladies, oh I can so identify with you both. I have been a depressive all my life. Even way back as a child when of course I had no idea everyone did not feel like that. I started with the sweet stuff to kill the pain real early in life. It was during the second world war so sweet stuff was scarce. My thing at that time was condensed milk and blackcurrant puree - both which were provided by the government I guess. Never questioned where it came from, but man I ate as much as I could get. Then after the war every cent went on chocolate or candies. Guess I was addicted to sweet stuff from the first taste. The thing is while one is actually eating it, the depression does not intrude, it rears up again when we stop.
For those of us who were abused depression is often a way of life as is the eating to try and deal with it. I moved on to smoking, alcohol and sex. Thankfully after joining AA I began to make some changes in my life and let go of the worst addictions. Food was still a problem
and still is if I eat carbs. They seem to make the depression worse in fact, just like alcohol did in the end. Counselling has helped me a lot over the years and also learning ways of behaving to counteract the feelings of depression, but since I was 65 I have also been on meds which had evened out my highs and lows. The highs became more scary for me in the end that the lows were.

Turning my thoughts (regardless of how bad I may feel) outwards consciously forcing myself to think about others and 'do' something, anything to get myself moving is also very helpful. At least at the end of the day I can look back over good helpful things I have accomplished.
Low self-esteem was a big part of the depression for me also. So working on improving my self image helped a lot. There is a thread on this team for ways of doing that if you are interested.

Warm hugs to you both.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


RESTORETOSANITY
Posts: 202
1/25/13 7:21 A

RESTORETOSANITY's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Welcome! I'm dealing with the worse depression I've seen in many years, so it sounds good to hear about coming through it :)


 current weight: 159.2 
 
288
255.8
223.6
191.4
159.2


KDAILEY70
KDAILEY70's Photo Posts: 884
1/25/13 5:22 A

KDAILEY70's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi, I would like to re-introduce myself. I have been away for quite awhile. I'm Kelly, I have been dealing with a pretty rough depressive episode. It seems that I am coming out on the other side, finally. My meds keep getting stronger and of higher dosages. I am ready to work hard at moving the scale in the other direction. I find the hard part believing that I deserve all the benefits that come with a more healthy lifestyle. I am not sure but I believe that I am not the only one. My life is cyclic. I do well for awhile and then I sabotage myself. I see it coming all the time and know what is happening but I do it anyway. Well, enough of that. Thanks for letting me share.



-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
12/28/12 6:31 P

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Laurie, so happy you have picked up the courage to talk to us. We are very receptive, we have all been abused in one way or another and it takes its toll on all parts of our minds and bodies. It took me a long time to realise that my physical health has been tied up with the abuse as well as emotional and mental.

Great news about the therapist. I too tried several before I found one that was sufficiently 'clear' herself to help me. So many do go into the business because of being hurt themselves and try to counsel others before becoming clear of their own stuff and then they get triggered - and that can be very scary. I had one woman who seemed so together, she had the head knowledge but not the emotional stability - so when it came down to the wire she
just walked out of the room and left me - I couldn't breathe at the time and thought I was going to die.
Thankfully I did not - she came back about ten minutes later. I never went to see her again.
My best and final therapist was one who had also been abused, but the difference was she had completely worked through her own stuff and had forgiven the abuser.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


-PICKLE-
SparkPoints: (3,118)
Fitness Minutes: (1,468)
Posts: 169
12/28/12 2:18 A

Send Private Message
Reply
Hi there....

Good to see you - although it isn't good the reason why your here (if you get what I mean) Sorry to hear about your life - please don't give up. It is grand you have got a good therapist - if only we gave them half a chance.

Don't forget to breathe!

I am here

Do let us know how we can help you...

Pickle the wonder dog

&

Me

Proverbs 17 v 17


LAURIEJOHANNAH
LAURIEJOHANNAH's Photo Posts: 285
12/28/12 12:28 A

LAURIEJOHANNAH's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I joined a week or two ago, and it has taken this long to introduce myself. FEAR! emoticon I am in therapy, and have a wonderful therapist. I've been to many, and left when I knew they really couldn't help me. This woman can and does, but she is up against a lot. My stress level is through the stratosphere. My depression is at its worst right now.

Why? Raised without affection, abandonment issues, married to a confirmed sociopath for 27 years (tried leaving, he stalked relentlessly, long long story) until he died 2 years ago on Christmas. Abuse. Anxiety disorder, PTSD for 15+ years, Body Dismorphic Disorder (something I don't understand. Mirrors don't lie), and I hate affirmations because they sound like lies.

Still, I am not a negative person except when it comes to me. I am an encourager to others. I love deeply. I just need help working my life right now.

EST: Eastern Standard Time (Norfolk, Virginia)

Name change: lauriejg to lauriejohannah. I like my name better than name with initials, that's all.


 April Minutes: 0
 
0
42.5
85
127.5
170


BLESSEDBEING
BLESSEDBEING's Photo SparkPoints: (76,511)
Fitness Minutes: (70,716)
Posts: 7,088
12/27/12 11:52 P

BLESSEDBEING's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon Pickle! So happy to have you join us. I will always be grateful for the years I worked with a wonderful therapist! I have also found that life gets better, I'm triggered less often, and can bounce back sooner when the PTSD does slap me upside the head.

There's a lot of experience and wisdom on this team, and some great ideas and resources on our various threads. Looking forward to hearing more from you. emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 145.0 
 
215
197.5
180
162.5
145


RESTORETOSANITY
Posts: 202
12/27/12 10:03 P

RESTORETOSANITY's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Welcome!


 current weight: 159.2 
 
288
255.8
223.6
191.4
159.2


-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
12/27/12 6:27 P

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Pickle, sweetheart, you have not said too much.

I am similar to you, several types of abuse, as a child and also as an adult. So happy you have come to join us. I too was a member of OA for several years to deal with the addiction to food. It was very helpful - the compulsion to deal with pain can be so severe and then of course the weight gain adds to all the rest of the trauma.

I too was in therapy several times over the years as new stuff came up. I am now in my seventies and life does get better to more we are able to deal with the past and put it to rest. No good burying festering wounds, it just does not work. The more that comes to light and is dealt with the easier things get and the less triggers come up.

Sending you warm hugs for a successful New Year. We are here for you.

Wispy.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


-PICKLE-
SparkPoints: (3,118)
Fitness Minutes: (1,468)
Posts: 169
12/27/12 7:19 A

Send Private Message
Reply
Hi

*waves nervously* Greetings from the UK. I am a 48 female survior of many types of absues - both as a child and as an adult. I am single with no children - only my dog called Pickle....

Dealing with abuse is like peeling an onion - there is always another layer and sometimes it makes you cry! I eat to deal with the feelings that come up from the absue. I am thinking of going back to pyschotherapy to deal with some of the absue and my eating habits. I am also a member of OA.

Sorry if I have said too much....

Pickle the wonder dog

&

Me

Proverbs 17 v 17


BLESSEDBEING
BLESSEDBEING's Photo SparkPoints: (76,511)
Fitness Minutes: (70,716)
Posts: 7,088
12/17/12 11:33 P

BLESSEDBEING's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon DesertMoth--I'm so glad you found us! While many of us here have benefitted greatly from therapy, you can begin to heal wherever you are. Wispy had a great series of blogs a while back on building self-esteem, which is an issue for many abuse survivors. If you visit her page, you can check the link to all her blogs; I think she numbered them.

There are also some wonderful books, such as the Courage to Heal, that you may be able to find through your library, a bookstore, or Amazon. Many of us have also found journaling to be helpful. In our different threads you can find a number of helpful resources. I wish you success here on Spark, whatever that may mean for you. Thanks for introducing yourself.
emoticon mm emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 145.0 
 
215
197.5
180
162.5
145


-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
12/17/12 6:15 P

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hello DesertMoth, so happy to have you join us. I too had an abusive childhood and then marriage. It must be difficult to find support where you are living. There is a group called CODA (Co-dependents Anonymous) which I belonged to for quite a long time. It was wonderful. I am not sure if they operate on line, but you could check it out. One of the things that helped me most apart from therapy, was being in a group with others who had gone through the same stuff. Just realising I was not alone was such a good feeling. Having people to share with who understood took such a load off, although it did of course nothing to change the situation. However I did learn all sorts of new ways of behaving and finally (after far too long) I did leave my husband. It is seldom an easy thing to leave and is not necessrily right for everyone. I was afraid for my life by the time I left.The police suggested a join a victim support group and that was also very helpful. It confirmed my decision never to go back again, and thankfully I did not. That is all some twenty years ago now and I am one very grateful and thankful person to no longer be in an abusive relationship.

Looking forward to getting to know you. There is lots of support and friendship here and some of us are still living with an abusive partner so no matter what you will be at home here.

Hugs Wispy.

Edited by: -WISPY- at: 12/18/2012 (00:39)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


DESERTMOTH
DESERTMOTH's Photo SparkPoints: (4,148)
Fitness Minutes: (2,578)
Posts: 131
12/16/12 7:46 P

Send Private Message
Reply
I am still in a relationship I suspect is quite emotionally abusive. I am isolated from family and friends and I feel so alone but I have to keep going because I support my kids and my husband finds every reason why he can't work...most of which are my fault. I have always deferred to others when push comes to shove. I do not know why I am this way. I supposed I was sexually abused a lot when I was a teen and young adult but is since it was not forcible rape I just think I need to get over it. I know that is not how trauma works but I can't find a way to go e myself a break. I can not afford therapy. There are no sliding scale types where I live. It is a smaller community and there isn't even a good co dependency group so I have been searching online for others who I can relate to. I joined spark people for fitness and realized this forum offers so much more to which I am greatful.


 Pounds lost: 3.4 
 
0
6.25
12.5
18.75
25


BLESSEDBEING
BLESSEDBEING's Photo SparkPoints: (76,511)
Fitness Minutes: (70,716)
Posts: 7,088
10/31/12 1:31 A

BLESSEDBEING's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon Rickismom--I hope you find support and healing here. emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 145.0 
 
215
197.5
180
162.5
145


-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
10/30/12 9:24 P

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Bi-polar can be a very difficult condition to live with for all the people involved. Sending you warm hugs.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


RICKISMOM1
RICKISMOM1's Photo Posts: 613
10/30/12 7:31 A

RICKISMOM1's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
People ask me how I am doing after Ricki's death. The sad truth is that the house is such a whirlwind when my husband is in a manic phase that mourning takes a second seat. Also the very sad truth is that the ONLY "good" thing about Ricki's death is that it makes it easier for me to leave my husband,, because if I kill my finances at least she won't be deprived as a result.

Edited by: RICKISMOM1 at: 10/30/2012 (17:31)
please call me *Rickismom*, I'm most comfortable with that.....(especially since I am currently dealing with Ricki's recent death /I am an American living in Israel , and have lost over 70 kilos.
* * * *
Don't worry needlessly: "Let Go and Let G-d"
BLOG: beneaththewings.blogspot.co.il/


 current weight: 153.0 
 
330
285
240
195
150


-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
10/30/12 12:25 A

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi there Rickismom, happy to meet you. I am so sorry for your loss - that must be devasting without all the other things going on in your life.

You are very welcome here and many of us have been through similar things so we understand. I finally left my abusive husband for good after eight years of constant stress and fear of what was going to happen next. He did have a medical condition also and would not take medication. Finally I did leave and joined a victim support group. I was somewhere in my fifties and never expected to have to start from scratch again but in my case it was one of the best things that I ever did for myself.

Hugs Wispy.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


RICKISMOM1
RICKISMOM1's Photo Posts: 613
10/29/12 7:05 P

RICKISMOM1's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I am new here. My husband has had bi-polar for years, and has been an alcoholic as well. In general I have managed to guide him towards controlling his drinking, such that divorce (and the economic ramifications) has not been necessary.
Lately his verbal abuse has changed to (occasional) threats, and I am concerned since I know that abusers tend to escalate . I have been getting help, and have a group I go to regularly for years.I have been to the police (he got scared, and in the meantime that has helped.
I am trying to get him the help he needs while simultaneously taking steps to guarantee my safety. Emotionally I am strong, and consider myself a "survivor".I am also preparing myself for the possibility that I will need to separate, although at the age of 61, the financial ramifications would be considerable.

Edited by: RICKISMOM1 at: 10/29/2012 (19:16)
please call me *Rickismom*, I'm most comfortable with that.....(especially since I am currently dealing with Ricki's recent death /I am an American living in Israel , and have lost over 70 kilos.
* * * *
Don't worry needlessly: "Let Go and Let G-d"
BLOG: beneaththewings.blogspot.co.il/


 current weight: 153.0 
 
330
285
240
195
150


RESTORETOSANITY
Posts: 202
10/26/12 7:31 A

RESTORETOSANITY's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Welcome!


 current weight: 159.2 
 
288
255.8
223.6
191.4
159.2


BLESSEDBEING
BLESSEDBEING's Photo SparkPoints: (76,511)
Fitness Minutes: (70,716)
Posts: 7,088
10/25/12 10:37 P

BLESSEDBEING's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon Trinaa! I hope you'll check out some of the resources in the different threads; there is a lot of helpful information.

Many of us like to check in and report on what's up with us in the How are you feeling? thread at the top of the team page. Know that there is a lot of wisdom and experience and compassion here on this team.
emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 145.0 
 
215
197.5
180
162.5
145


-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
10/25/12 7:30 P

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi there Trina you are so in the right place and a very warm welcome.
It can be a hard road getting free of all that stuff, but the first step is always the most difficult.

I went to therapy to begin sorting out my childhood 'stuff' and as I went along my self-esteem improved and I actually realised deep down that I was actually a kind, caring and loving person not the wicked person that was going to hell. I also got over the guilt that was always with me over the fact that no one could possibly love a bad little girl like me. Don't know if those words were ever even used, but they are the ones I heard in my head all the time. I was unloveable and no one could ever love me and it was all my own fault.

So happy to tell you that finally I came to realise and believe deep down that this is not true.

So looking forward to getting to know you.

Hugs Wispy.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


TRINAA4
TRINAA4's Photo SparkPoints: (13,789)
Fitness Minutes: (15,863)
Posts: 672
10/25/12 3:55 P

Send Private Message
Reply
Hi I'm Trinaa and I'm trying to get over verbal and emotions abuse from my childhood. emoticon


I got want to do it and do this for me. My mind is in battle and my body is at war. I'm in battle with myself and if I can over come myself than I can over come it all and do it one day at a time, let it go and get one step closer to my goal.


















 current weight: 239.0 
 
239
214.5
190
165.5
141


BLESSEDBEING
BLESSEDBEING's Photo SparkPoints: (76,511)
Fitness Minutes: (70,716)
Posts: 7,088
8/17/12 1:23 A

BLESSEDBEING's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon emoticon IAMMYBFF. I'm an incest survivor too, and it affects so many different parts of our lives, in addition to our body image and relationships. I agree with Wispy about the book The Courage to Heal, and many of us have been greatly helped with therapy. I will be forever grateful for the years of EMDR work that I did.

It can get a lot better. We can learn to love ourselves and treat ourselves with more tenderness, care and respect. We can get healthier, stronger and happier.

Figuring out how to deal with family can be tough. I'm worried about the safety of your cousin's own child, and of any other children in the family. While my own abuser was my father, it turns out an uncle of mine molested a cousin when she was quite young. When I learned he molested a couple of girls at a family reunion, I wrote a letter to my female relatives outing myself as a survivor, mentioning what I had learned, and asking all of them to keep each other safe and to get the help and healing that might be needed. It was after that that I learned he had done this decades before, but the people who knew thought they were keeping a close enough eye on him. Abusers often just keep abusing until they are exposed. I'm not advising you what to do, as I don't know the whole story. Is there anyone you can talk things over with? And of course, you can always talk to us. The most important thing is for you to take care of you.

Sorry, I kind of wrote a book here myself. Sometimes we deal with the heavy stuff here, because we get it, and sometimes ew share in other ways. I hope you will check out some of the different threads and resources here, and feel welcome to share as often as you may wish. I'm glad you've joined us! emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 145.0 
 
215
197.5
180
162.5
145


RESTORETOSANITY
Posts: 202
8/16/12 7:36 A

RESTORETOSANITY's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Welcome, IAMMYBFF. It took some time for me to teach myself all the ways I can keep myself safe without the weight. I started panicking on my way down, too, and I think it's one of many reasons I gained the weight back in my twenties. So, I'm focusing on how strong I am, how great I am in a crisis (many of us are, LOL) and how I'm an adult now. That kind of thing's been helpful for me.


 current weight: 159.2 
 
288
255.8
223.6
191.4
159.2


-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
8/16/12 1:46 A

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi there Iamybff, a big warm welcome to our team. I love your profile name, I am also my own best friend these days. :o)

I can understand how difficult it must be to talk about this inside your family. It is surprising how many parents and relatives do not the subject brought out into the open, or even to disucss it, especially with the one who has suffered the abuse. I started therapy when I was in my thirties and once beginning to talk about what had happened in my childhood I did feel less alone. There are so many of us. I found a book called 'Courage to Heal' very helpful. There are exercises in the book as well.

We do support one another in this team, so please feel free to chat with us any time and share as much as you are comfortable with.

Hugs Wispy

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


IAMMYBFF
IAMMYBFF's Photo Posts: 68
8/16/12 1:28 A

IAMMYBFF's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hello - This is the first time I've reached out to anyone that might have insight to what I'm facing right now. I was molested as a child from the age of 5 or 6 till about 7 or 8. The aggressor was my cousin and I never told anyone until after I was married for 8 months. My mother and father did nothing about it and just kind of put it behind them. Not the reaction most parents have when it comes to their own child. This is my father's sister's son. This would happen when my Aunt was watching us kids during the summers or spending the night over the weekends. I haven't told my Aunt or confronted my cousin, whom I still see if I do decide to go to a family function. I've avoided so many holidays just because this person will be there. My Aunt has MS and will not be around for much longer. At one time she was my favorite Aunt, but after getting married I have completely avoided being around her. I know this has hurt her deeply and it has instilled a lot of guilt. My cousin is now married and has a baby on the way. Pretty scary huh?! My reasons for not telling anyone is because that side of the family is very tight knit and I would probably be an outcast. I believe my father's reasoning is out of protection for his sister and other siblings. I can understand that and am not looking to pull a family apart. I do however want to heal whatever is eating me inside and causing me to feel the need to protect myself with my weight. I believe my extra insulation is the Armour I wear everyday to protect myself from any attention. I think sometimes it even plays into my own bedroom with my husband. I'm not sure what is out there for support psychologically but I'd like to think it would help if I had someone that understood and could offer some relief. My highest weight was in January 2012 at 333. I am now currently 304.8 and today's weigh in sent me into a total anxiety attack. Last time I got under 300 the same thing happened. Unfortunately, I went into self sabotage mode in the past and quit. I really, really need to get past this for my mental health as well as my physical health. I want to be someone that feels confident and have no issues taking a compliment or giving one. Sorry to write a book, I'm just hopeful this group might make a dent in my psyche.

17DayDiet Progress:
C1 -14.8
C2

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. -- George Bernard Shaw


 current weight: 296.2 
 
333
283.5
234
184.5
135


RESTORETOSANITY
Posts: 202
8/1/12 7:25 A

RESTORETOSANITY's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi, I want to thank the team for the welcomes, and the sparkgoodies :)

Edited by: RESTORETOSANITY at: 8/1/2012 (07:32)

 current weight: 159.2 
 
288
255.8
223.6
191.4
159.2


BLESSEDBEING
BLESSEDBEING's Photo SparkPoints: (76,511)
Fitness Minutes: (70,716)
Posts: 7,088
7/31/12 9:30 P

BLESSEDBEING's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon to our SAssy team, RestoreToSanity! I am glad you have found us. None of us is ever to old to heal, or to tackle new layers of limiting beliefs and unskillful behaviors, or learn to love ourselves more truly or connect to our higher power more deeply. I'm 57 and have been on a healing path for some decades. Life is a lot better, but the inner work and occasional struggles are not "over." I love the Spark site, and I love this team. I hope you will find inspiration, companionship and support here.

Blessed Be, Amanda emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 145.0 
 
215
197.5
180
162.5
145


-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
7/29/12 7:26 P

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi there restoretosanity - I am smiling away here at your post because I could very nearly have written it myself. :o) I too am a 12 step 'addict' for lack of a better word. It has saved my life in so many ways. I was addicted to anything that made me feel good and took away the pain and have been in assorted 12 step groups over the years. All of them wonderful. The programme is the same, but the individual sharing is so great for finding others who have been through similar stuff and are learning how to live a new way of life. I too was in OA for several years, AlAnon, GamAnon, CODA to name a few. Been sober in AA for over 40 years now and that is the biggest blessing of all.

Im so pleased you have joined our team and its great to meet someone who is also living the 12 step programme - one day at a time.

I had all the hangups you mention, and they can still rear their ugly little heads, but I finally did come to a deep inner conviction that the stuff which happened in my childhood actually had nothing to do with me. This took me years. I am 72 now and it is only the last twenty years that I finally had a breakthrough on the absolutely awful view I had of my self. I was convinced that I was unloveable and that there must be something wrong with anyone who actually liked me. For me the only form of love I understood was sex and abuse really and it also took me a good long while in the programme to realise that in my case it was not so much the things I had done to others (although there was plenty of that in my adult life), but rather the things that had been done to me that I needed to accept and get rid of the resentment about. I didnt even know I was angry when I first started because in order to survive I had made myself out to be the guilty one and so deserve everything that happened to me. I learned to say sorry for everything just so that I could have people contact.Saying I was sorry became a way of making me feel better about myself - I thought at least if people knew that I was aware of how bad I was they might be kind to me.

So we are indeed thriving survivors to have come through as much as we have and are now living a new way of life.

Hugs Wispy.



Edited by: -WISPY- at: 7/31/2012 (22:55)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


RESTORETOSANITY
Posts: 202
7/29/12 1:03 P

RESTORETOSANITY's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
*Deep breath*...Ok, here goes. I am somewhere in the middle of this survivor/thriver journey. My Narcotics Anonymous sponsor recently said I need a road map for where I been and where I need to go, so this actually works for that...
1. I have 22 years clean working an NA program. Yay!
2. After a disastrous first marriage (disastrous 'cept for the 3 awesome kids), found an awesome guy (with his own issues, of course) that we've been LAT (Living Apart Together) for more than 15 years now. He treats me like gold.
3. I have 4 months abstinent from Compulsive Overeating working an Overeaters Anonymous program. Again, after dropping the food issue for many years and just staying overweight. Top weight was 288. Been using Spark for longer (year and a half or so?). Both are really helping me.
4. After I had about 4 years clean, in my late 20's, I started remembering incest trauma and did lots of emergency stage work...great therapists, Courage to Heal Book, a 4 day codependency rehab, got functional again (that took about 2 years), worked through the 12 steps to the best of my ability, raised kids...but now it's time for more.
5. I've been checking out Adult Children of Alcoholics and Other Dysfunctional Families in my area, got the text and the workbook, started reading the book, and will be doing the workbook. Incest Survivors Anonymous is really far away, or I'd consider it (I really am a 12-stepper, ain't I? But it's FREE! and it's been real helpful for me.)
It's kinda like, my kids are grown, I have more time to focus on me, and putting down the food, I realized I could stuff feelings WITHOUT EATING and there's obviously more I need to look at. There's the incest and there's also lots of other dysfunction that I thought I had grown out of but I have found that somewhere underneath I don't really believe there's possibility for me to really heal further, or get better, like there's some level that there ain't no fixin' that! I've really put limitations on my higher power, and that's not the program I want to work. My higher power works through people, so I figured if I joined this team I would be giving Her one more opportunity to let people help me.
Recently, I asked one of my grown kids, "Am I functional? I look functional, don't I?" And the response is, I'm real functional for what I've been through. There's LOTS of self-harming behavior I've learned not to do, and lots of healing behavior I've learned to do. But I scratch the surface and the untrue beliefs are still there..."I'm not fixable" "I'm responsible for what happened in my family of origin" (at the age of 6. Really? Do I really believe that? YES there's no logic to any of this crap but YES underneath I really do still believe that.) "Affirmations suck and they only work for other people and if I have to say self-positive affirmations I'll die" "Writing about myself is terrifying and I won't do it (and you can't make me, nyaaahhh)" "Authority will screw me, every time" "I basically have to apologize for my existence e.g. taking up space" "Everyone else is fixable, just not me" it goes ON and ON and I've been doing pretty well in spite of this crap operating in the background when I didn't really know it was still there.
So, yeah, incest at very young age, lots of bullying happened at school (I think I already had a "V" on my forehead for "victim"), my father was bi-polar and killed himself with food, my mom was co-dependent and the daughter of an alcoholic. My father (yes, the perpetrator) died early, so learning to detach wasn't as hard as it coulda been. My mom and I came to some levels of understanding and love before she passed about 10 years ago.
At least writing on the computer is a LITTLE less scary than handwriting. Thanks for providing this forum. This actually felt really good :)


 current weight: 159.2 
 
288
255.8
223.6
191.4
159.2


-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
7/28/12 9:25 P

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi there Divya, we are happy to have you join the team. The best thing for me to do when I feel low or upset is to share it with someone who understands and you couldn't have chosen a better team. It is great to hear that you now have a good husband and family of your own.

The experiences in my own early life caused me to make less than good choices when it came to a husband and I started out with very little idea of how to be a good and loving parent. It was actually when the children came along that I found it necessary to start doing something about my own past. I had stuffed it down for so long it was mostly well and truly buried with alcohol and food, but slowly with therapy I began to heal from those old wounds
and become able to forgive others for what had happened to me and take responsibility for my current life. As this happened the flashbacks became less and less frequent and I began to see the people involved in a different light.

Have to say with a smile here however that it did not stop from marrying a second time to a much more abusive man and I finally left him when I did not expect to live to the following day.
Looking back I wonder how I could have stayed there so long... but I did. - 8 long years. It was after that experience that I really began to grow as a person and find some good self esteem and a positive and healthy attitude to life.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


PINKHOLLYWOOD
PINKHOLLYWOOD's Photo SparkPoints: (5,287)
Fitness Minutes: (4,160)
Posts: 237
7/28/12 5:51 P

PINKHOLLYWOOD's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi, my name is Divya and I've been through a lot. I usually do OK but Im having a hard time today and I think thats why I needed to look for a group like this.
I was given away at birth and went through 2 families as a child. Both were abusive. I left home when I was 18 and dont have any family except for my husband (2nd) and kids. Some days i dont think about the past but today its all in my head, right in the front where I cant look away.
There was physical and sexual abuse, luckily since Ive been an adult I havent had anything like that in my life but those things still cause me to react in certain ways every day.


 current weight: 222.0 
 
222
219
216
213
210


-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
7/18/12 12:57 A

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hello there Kendal, good to have you join our team "Welcome". It is good to know that you have found happiness since that relationship.

We are all here with different types of abuse. Mine was childhood and also marital, so I understand where you are coming from.

Big congratulations on getting out. Many of us, including myself found it so difficult to finally break free for good. In my case it took me to reach a night of fear for my life before I left and knew that I would not go back. Promises of change was one of the reasons that kept me hooked in for 8 years.

Having children together must make it much more difficult because you need to keep on seeing him.

Looking forward to getting too know you.

Hugs Wispy.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


BLESSEDBEING
BLESSEDBEING's Photo SparkPoints: (76,511)
Fitness Minutes: (70,716)
Posts: 7,088
7/17/12 10:43 A

BLESSEDBEING's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon KENDAL0525! I'm so glad you found us. Sorry, but I've got to run off to work now, just time for a quick emoticon and emoticon Talk to you and the rest of the team tonight. WE have a very supportive core group here; you are among friends who understand.

Blessed Be, Amanda emoticon emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 145.0 
 
215
197.5
180
162.5
145


KENDAL0525
KENDAL0525's Photo SparkPoints: (6,273)
Fitness Minutes: (770)
Posts: 98
7/17/12 9:57 A

KENDAL0525's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi everyone. I am a survivor of domestic violence (physical, sexual, emotional, verbal, and financial) at the hands of my ex- husband. I have been out for almost 4 years. While I am happy to say that my life is great now, I still feel the residual effects of the years I spent with my abuser especially since we have a child together and have to interact often still.

I've struggled with my weight since I hit puberty, but I am now trying to make strides to become healthier. I hope to get to know some of you!


 current weight: 210.0 
 
230
207.5
185
162.5
140


-WISPY-
-WISPY-'s Photo Posts: 23,205
7/8/12 11:29 P

-WISPY-'s SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi there Keegsmom1 I can so indentify with your story (not the rape part) but the rest of it. I was also abused as a kid, used alcohol, food and sex to kill the pain and felt worthless and my self esteem was nil.

I felt so wicked and riddled with guilt. I even wanted to be exorcised I felt so wicked and with no real idea of why. My abuse started when I was very young and I had buried it beneath layers of depression and food.

I am so grateful that through AA I got sober and learned how to live in a different way. However that did not deal with my feelings of guilt - even though I had turned myself inside out doing the 4th and 5th steps and sharing all the things I could remember.

I discovered later I had a neurotic guilt complex. I gelt guilty about everything and responsible for everything. This also came from early conditioning and I was eventually able to work through that as well. I then discovered the only way to freedom was to dig up all the old anger, rage and restments against the people who had hurt me and slowly work through the process of forgiveness. It was not until I was finally able to forgive them that I was also able to forgive myself deep down.

I practiced self esteem exercises, and did things that were suggested to increase my self worth and when I finally left my abusive husband I joined a victim support group - and from there on in I felt better and better. This group let me know I was not alone in this life situation and many of us had also been abused as children. There was a great sense of the burden being lifted from me, just being with people who did not judge and just shared their own lives with me and understood what I was talking about. I began to realise my life was not unique and all the things that had happened to me also happen to others who have been abused, especially as chidlren. We carry physical as well as emotional scars from events which were not our fault and we do not need to feel guilty about them either. I no longer blame others or myself and in that there is great freedom. I can however still fall into the old traps but am now able to get out of them usually quite quickly.

Hope you enjoy our team.

Hugs Wispy.

Edited by: -WISPY- at: 7/8/2012 (23:44)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
190
180
170
160
150


BLESSEDBEING
BLESSEDBEING's Photo SparkPoints: (76,511)
Fitness Minutes: (70,716)
Posts: 7,088
7/8/12 4:29 P

BLESSEDBEING's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon emoticon to the SAssies, friend. I'm sorry you experienced all of that. But I am so glad you are seeing someone now, getting help and starting to let go of the negative beliefs that can keep us feeling powerless and trapped.

Self-acceptance and self-love are amazing and necessary gifts. Without them making positive changes is a constant battle. With them, the changes feel so much more natural. Of course I want to treat my body well, I deserve to be healthy and happy and strong! It also helps to pay attention to your mental, emotional and spiritual health along with your physical well-being.

I'm glad you found our team, and I hope you will find comfort, support and friendship here!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 145.0 
 
215
197.5
180
162.5
145


KEEGSMOM1
KEEGSMOM1's Photo SparkPoints: (10,643)
Fitness Minutes: (9,374)
Posts: 129
7/8/12 4:46 A

KEEGSMOM1's SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi Everyone,
I don't where to start with an introduction--guess I will just start and see where it goes. I am 56 years old. I have lived with severe depression since I was 7. Thankfully, I finally got correctly diagnosed in my mid 30's and am fairly well managed on meds. But its been a long road. By the time I turned 12 I had learned to self medicate with drugs and alcohol in an attempt to ease the pain of depression. I have spent much of my life battling addiction but I am very grateful that I am clean and sober today. But when I was 12, I was very brutally raped by 3 men. I was attempting to buy drugs at the time and ended up being raped, beaten up, and my money taken. i remember that as a real turning point in my life because everything spiraled out of control after that. I just didnt care what happened any more after that. I blamed myself for getting raped because I had slipped out of the house to buy drugs. The men threatened me and said no one would believe me if I told. I felt totally without any worth as a person. I never got any counseling for the incident and just tried to push it out of my mind for all these years. I struggled with staying clean and sober, I struggled with episodes of depression, and I felt worthless and miserable. Finally, a year ago I admitted that I could not go on that way. To make a long story short, I finally got into counseling and began to realize that my substance abuse was largely the result of depression and not because I was just a terrible person. I learned that addiction is a disease. And probably most important I learned that the rape was not my fault at all--that no one, and certainly not a little kid, should ever go through something like that. I just wish I had gotten help sooner. All these years I carried so much guilt and felt so stupid and worthless. My name for myself was "Stupid".
I am still working on accepting myself as a good person who deserves a happy life. Even though I have learned a lot in counseling, its still had to get rid of thought patterns I have been burdened with for so many years. So I am a work in progress, but I AM making progress. One of my first successes was to stop calling myself Stupid. I wasted a lot of my life lost in shame and beating myself up all the time. But now I have the chance for the rest of my life to be different.
I don't want to be a victim any more. I want to be a survivor. I am thankful to have found this group.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me www.ravenwoods.petfinder.com


 Pounds lost: 16.0 
 
0
20
40
60
80


 
Page: 1 of (4)   [ 1 ] 2 next page > last page >|
   
Report Innappropriate Post

Other Survivors of Abuse Introduce Yourself to Team Forum Posts


Thread URL: http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_messageboard_thread.asp?board=-1x2525x42514676

Review our Community Guidelines