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-WISPY-'s Photo -WISPY- Posts: 25,710
12/6/14 2:37 A

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Certainly hope you get someone to talk to about whatever happened. We deserve to be heard and at the very least the bus company should do something about him.

Hugs Wispy









"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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1GR8FULGAL's Photo 1GR8FULGAL SparkPoints: (56,245)
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12/5/14 10:05 P

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Yes, thank you. I did call and they couldn't help but she gave me 2 places to try.
Also, I just realized that this is the intro thread, so I should prob. be posting
on a diff one- OOPS!

Edited by: 1GR8FULGAL at: 12/5/2014 (22:06)
Remember...friends should hold hands & stick together, then they won't lose their way & if one falls down, the other helps you up!
"To the world you might be one but to someone, you just might be the world!"
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." Will Rogers
Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right!
"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do inter


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12/5/14 10:01 P

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I have not had to deal with the legal system. It sounds very trying. I wonder if there is an advocate group you could deal with who may help assault victims. Sending prayers your way for comfort and strength.
emoticon


Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 12/5/2014 (22:01)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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1GR8FULGAL's Photo 1GR8FULGAL SparkPoints: (56,245)
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12/5/14 9:20 P

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Thank you, but bad news twice today!!
First, cops refuse to file charges on him, telling me it's not illegal!!!! REALLY??!!
Go tell the bus company, she told me--yup, been there, done that BUT
I went to get on that same route today and super. had to go check to make sure it wasn't the
same jackwagon who violated me yest---SERIOUSLY??!!!
I give up!!!

Remember...friends should hold hands & stick together, then they won't lose their way & if one falls down, the other helps you up!
"To the world you might be one but to someone, you just might be the world!"
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." Will Rogers
Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right!
"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do inter


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-WISPY-'s Photo -WISPY- Posts: 25,710
12/5/14 9:31 A

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Good gracious. So pleased that you took action. That in itself helps to feel less like a victim.
Delighted you will never have to see him again.

Hope you are feeling some better today.
Talk about it as long as you need to to get it out of your system.

We are here for you any time.

Hugs Wispy.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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1GR8FULGAL's Photo 1GR8FULGAL SparkPoints: (56,245)
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12/5/14 9:26 A

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Thanks to all of you!
My incident- yest- happened on a city bus-loaded with passengers- and done to me by the bus driver!!!!!
I will go today to file criminal charges; I'm pretty sure he was fired on the spot yest by his company. Small comfort, if you will, but at least I won't have to deal with him again.
Also, I will most likely be able to share more via SPMail, not posted publicly, bc these posts are internet searchable, if you KWIM

Edited by: 1GR8FULGAL at: 12/5/2014 (09:33)
Remember...friends should hold hands & stick together, then they won't lose their way & if one falls down, the other helps you up!
"To the world you might be one but to someone, you just might be the world!"
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." Will Rogers
Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right!
"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do inter


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-WISPY-'s Photo -WISPY- Posts: 25,710
12/5/14 7:36 A

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So pleased you have been able to share. I find the same thing. Talking to others who understand does help. Each time I tell my story it seems to reduce the pain. I remember more things and get to deeper feelings. Just getting it all out of my head and emotions and either to another person or on paper.
Like Amanda I too have been in therapy. Finding a therapist who is compatible is a great help.

I do choose the people that I share my story with. Those who understand are a great source of comfort and help in the healing process.

Warm gentle hugs Wispy

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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12/5/14 12:14 A

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Grateful, I'm glad you found us, and you are very emoticon here, though in a way I'm always sorry that anyone "qualifies" to join the team--if you understand. So sorry about the current incident. I'm very glad you have been telling people. And I do hope you get whatever legal and medical support you may need--a well as emotional support.

Many of us have seen, or are seeing (like me emoticon as you will see in my sharings), a therapist--which can be a life saver, dealing with current issues and past trauma as well. Wishing you the best, and hoping to hear more from you as you may feel comfortable to reach out. Or just check out some of the good info and resources on some of the threads and forums. Take care!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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1GR8FULGAL's Photo 1GR8FULGAL SparkPoints: (56,245)
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12/4/14 10:16 P

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Thanks, Wispy. I have reached out today to some ppl, as it has helped me to tell my story today, quite a few times actually. It seems to help, at least a bit, each time I tell what happened. Thanks for the info about seeking help.

Remember...friends should hold hands & stick together, then they won't lose their way & if one falls down, the other helps you up!
"To the world you might be one but to someone, you just might be the world!"
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." Will Rogers
Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right!
"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do inter


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12/4/14 10:08 P

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Hello there, very pleased you have joined the team.

If you need to do anything right now to keep you safe or if you have been raped please contact police, doctor or hospital.

We are here for you whenever you would like to share.

Hugs Wispy

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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1GR8FULGAL's Photo 1GR8FULGAL SparkPoints: (56,245)
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12/4/14 8:17 P

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HI, I'm new here (the team, not new to SP) and I just joined this team today, primarily bc I was abused today!! I also grew up with abuse though, too.

I'm sorry, but as of right now, I can't feel very 'open' about my abuse. I think I'd like to share in the future, probably. I had thought I was 'past' my early abuse, not that it was 'gone,' but I thought it was all under control. Well, this public incident today seems to have changed that. Thank you for going before me and having this team for me to reach out to, starting tonight. HUGS

Remember...friends should hold hands & stick together, then they won't lose their way & if one falls down, the other helps you up!
"To the world you might be one but to someone, you just might be the world!"
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." Will Rogers
Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right!
"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do inter


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7/31/14 11:50 P

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emoticon and emoticon HeartPilgrim! Glad you found us and introduced yourself. I too endured years of incest abuse by my father. I found my first wonderful therapist in my 40s, and now in my late 50s, I've found another gem, whom I sometimes talk about in the How Are You Feeling? chat thread Wispy mentioned.

Finding the right person and/or path to work with is a blessing. I'm so glad you've found the right one for you. And I hope you will continue to find encouragement, support and inspiration on Spark and here on our SAssy team. That may seem like an odd nickname for our group, but I'm co-leader of 2 other teams, the BBs (Babysteps Brigade) and the GGs (A Gathering of Goddesses), and Survivors of Abuse lacked alliteration, so I made a word out of SAs, and when I called us the SAssies, it kind of stuck for some. I like that the energy of the word is very non-victim, and suggests a brighter, more positive way presence.

Anyway, I look forward to getting to know you better. I wish you success and joy on your journey. emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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-WISPY-'s Photo -WISPY- Posts: 25,710
7/31/14 7:30 P

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Hi there heartpilgrim, we are very happy to have you join us.
You story is familiar on here and I am so pleased that you have finally found a form of therapy that suits you and is helping on your journey of recovery.

I too have had many years of therapy, some good experiences and some not so good.
After leaving my second husband in fear for my life the police suggested I join a victim support group and that is where things really began to change for me. I learned so much and was with people who understood not only what I had been through but how hard it was to leave.

Thankfully that was the time I was able to leave for good. I then went to a wonderful therapist who had herself been through abuse and come out the other side as a wonderful healed woman. We worked together and that brought me to a whole new place in my life.

Wishing you a wonderful journey to health and emotional wholeness.

Hugs Wispy.

PS. Yes, this is exactly the right place to post. emoticon You might also like to join us on the daily thread.

Edited by: -WISPY- at: 7/31/2014 (19:32)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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7/31/14 2:09 P

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Hi all,

Not sure if I'm posting this right/in the right place, but I just joined and I'm hoping to send out a note of introduction...

First of all, I am so grateful to all of you who have gone before me here sharing your journeys and coming together as a group of survivors. There is a safety and a sense of welcome unlike any other with women who know what I've been through. I am so inspired by all of your successes, and it helps me to feel like health is possible for me, too.

My story is probably familiar to many of you, as yours were as I read through the other introductions. I'm in my thirties now, was raped and molested for the first time at age 5 by my mother's boyfriend; that continued for about a year. My father sexually abused me again from about the age of 11 to 16. He struggles with drug abuse and mental health issues, and my mother is a recovering alcoholic who now, thankfully, has about ten years of sobriety. These early traumas led me to a number of terrible decisions in my adult romantic life, and I've had a few re-traumatizing experiences, including one train wreck of a relationship with a former therapist.

I am here on SparkPeople to try and construct a program I can follow to lead me into a more healthy life. I've pursued different kinds of therapy for a number of years, and this spring found a wonderful woman to work with. She is a Brennan Energy Healer and I am beginning to feel better than I ever have, ever, in my whole life. I am at my heaviest, probably about 235 lbs, but finally beginning to feel at home in my body. I look forward to walking with you all on our paths to wholeness.

-WISPY-'s Photo -WISPY- Posts: 25,710
7/20/14 6:35 P

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Gotta love it. Thank you for posting on the suggestion box thread. Amanda told me you been there. Hope we may have helped a little. Hugs Wispy

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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BECAZICAN's Photo BECAZICAN Posts: 19
7/19/14 7:32 P

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The divine in me acknowledges and honors the divine in you, Wispy. As well as all others here.

My viewpoint mentioned earlier on cats and dogs did give me a new appreciation for the old Elvis title: "You ain't nothing but a hound dog!"






"Abuse is a many splintered thing: It fragments lives. But we CAN recover. I Can &
so can YOU!
-WISPY-'s Photo -WISPY- Posts: 25,710
7/19/14 6:55 P

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Loving the laughter. So good to have you join our team. emoticon

Feedback is something that I value as well. It's great to know there are others out there who are also working to become free of the 'hangover' stuff that goes along with abuse.

I had a couple of companies (well turned out they were both the same one) who tried to rip me off on a credit card transaction and it did take a long while to sort out. Because it seems these days, at least over here, the bank have to try to get the money back before they will reimburse you. Hope you are as fortunate as I was and get the money returned.

So love the life style you mention. Have to say I too am a rather feline personality. Never thought about it like that before. But I sure do love snuggling and purring. Also enjoy my own company which is probably quite feline.

Have a good weekend Becazican.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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BECAZICAN's Photo BECAZICAN Posts: 19
7/19/14 10:41 A

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Wispy, you did NOT offend me. What's wrong with you, today? Tee hee

I don't attract the stalkers. They are simply vain enough to believe my life is actually about them. And they appear to enjoy following me around and attempting to hound me. It's what they do. Lies are spread, rumors, half truths and mouthing offs: and I don't even know these people! But they seem intent on claiming to know all about me. Go figure.

It took me a long time to realize that I prefer to be the feline personality I am. And I'm a domesticated critter. I enjoy being lazy, soaking up the sun and purring as often as possible. Those that hound me sound like a pack of hounds only. It's what they do; especially in their pack. Unless I up and move; I mostly try to avoid them.

A recent financial transaction cost me though. If it is the result of the other I will have to address it differently. People intent on fraud are a different species altogether. But no sense going there. I've already done all that I can. For now anyway.

Been enjoying the feedback validation here. Thanks to all.

"Abuse is a many splintered thing: It fragments lives. But we CAN recover. I Can &
so can YOU!
-WISPY-'s Photo -WISPY- Posts: 25,710
7/18/14 10:31 P

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Hello ladies,

I can so identify with being or feeling as if I was stalked by "a certain type of person", I seemed to attract them like a magnet. In my case it was those who drained every ounce of energy out of me in one way or another and the type who could be abusive but not necessarily in an overt way.

However as I become free of co-dependency and being a victim - those who used to use me in one way or another gradually disappear out of my life.

I do not mean I am responsible for any of the abuse that has happened to me - I mean that now I am more aware of how I relate to others and become more assertive - I am less likely to attract those who latched on to me previously.

Adding a PS here:
I am talking about myself and my own journey and not suggesting that these things apply to anyone else. Just sharing things which have helped me become a survivor.

Edited by: -WISPY- at: 7/18/2014 (22:36)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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BECAZICAN's Photo BECAZICAN Posts: 19
7/18/14 6:15 P

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What a gracious reply. Thank you Amanda.

"Abuse is a many splintered thing: It fragments lives. But we CAN recover. I Can &
so can YOU!
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (97,714)
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7/18/14 12:47 A

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emoticon to our team! There are a number of threads with positive ideas for actions you can take to get stronger or support the healing process. I hope as you have time you'll check out what's been said before to see if anything speaks to you. And I hope you will share what has helped you grow and free yourself.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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BECAZICAN's Photo BECAZICAN Posts: 19
7/17/14 11:25 P

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I tend to focus on the recognition of abusive situations, environments and people. Mostly because some of them seem addictive with "stalking" me. Recognizing the characteristics of this additive personality helps. But I am here because I still struggle with such things I know I neither deserve nor should have to endure on what still seems like a daily basis. I don't ask why. I know why has little to do with me anyway. I do ask how I can change my life for the better just for me. Seems like this would be a good place to start.

Looking forward to getting to know the others here. Thanks for the Team.

"Abuse is a many splintered thing: It fragments lives. But we CAN recover. I Can &
so can YOU!
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (97,714)
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7/9/14 12:23 A

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emoticon and emoticon Montie! Glad you found our SAssy team. I too suffer from PTSD, though I rarely get triggered these days. I'm blessed with a wonderful therapist, and I've read a number of very good self-help books. I hope you'll spend some time looking through some of the threads, and seeing what resources and ideas might speak to you.

I have found that conscious babysteps in terms of changing behaviors, building strength, cultivating positive habits, does help build confidence that counters the fear, helplessness & despair that sustained abuse tends to breed. There are no magic pills or instant cures, but reaching out to others, refusing to hide, and consistently practicing self-love and -care will transform us.

I look forward to sharing the journey with you! emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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7/8/14 8:35 P

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Hi there Montie very pleased to have you with us and a warm welcome to the team.

We have many different types of abuse survivors here and thank you for sharing you story.
In one way or another we are all working through our traumas. I too have been to therapy and belonged to various different groups. Many have been very helpful and from others I learned the sort to avoid in future. Different things suit different people.

Let us know any way we can help. PTSD is a common thread here. :o)

Hugs Wispy

PS I was going to send you a welcome goodie, but you do not have your Spark page up yet. That is fine if you prefer not to, but I see you are new and it may be that you havent got there yet. I took me a while to find my feet, and even find where I had posted on a team. There are so many threads.

Edited by: -WISPY- at: 7/8/2014 (20:37)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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MONTIELAROCHELL's Photo MONTIELAROCHELL SparkPoints: (866)
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7/8/14 10:26 A

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Hi,
My name is Montie and I'm a wife and mother in North Carolina. I'm new to Sparkspeople and Sparksteams (3 days young) and still finding my niche. I joined a group called Babysteps Brigade yesterday which led me here through one of the members. I am a survivor of childhood incest (grandfather) and deal with PTSD and multiple phobias due to the trauma. I've been in CBT and group therapy off and on for about 15 years, and am currently in between therapists. I am a feedback sponge so any feedback or encouragement is welcome (and often begged for...lol) I look forward to getting to know everyone.

Blessings,
Montie

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6/18/14 8:47 P

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emoticon emoticon emoticon Jessica and Salam! So nice to have you with us and to hear from you both! Sorry I'm late with my greetings--I was on vacation and doing minimal Sparking.

I wish you both the best of luck in rebuilding your lives, your health, your confidence, your balance. Remember, you don't have to do it all at once. Babysteps can get you just as far, and are often less scary to do, and easier to maintain. That's my philosophy anyway, and the approach that helped me lose and keep off 65 pounds. But there are many tools that work for different individuals, and it's fine to find your own way.

We do have some great info, ideas and resources, even on some of the older forum discussions. I hope you'll both do some looking through prior posts to see if anything speaks to you. The most popular discussion is the top 'How are you feeling?' thread, but you are welcome to introduce any topics you wish.

I hope you will both find support and encouragement here. emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/16/14 9:10 P

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Hello Salam, so pleased to see you have posted.

Well done on breaking free of an abusive relationship. I know it is much more difficult to make the break when children are involved so I really admire your courage. I know how much it takes to finally leave. I left many times myself and then always went back before thankfully I finally said "NO, never again". I made a clean break because no children were involved, so I never had to see him again.

Any help you would like just ask. We are happy to share anything that might be helpful.

Once again, congrats on getting out. emoticon Now the main thing is to stay out and start a free new life for yourself and the children.

Hugs Wispy.

Edited by: -WISPY- at: 6/19/2014 (05:57)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 429
6/16/14 11:28 A

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Hi, I am new. I am in the process of breaking out of an emotionally abusive and manipulative relationship, and I am feeling fearful and strong in equal measure. I am also trying to get myself, and my children, healthier and happier. I wanted to join this forum because it seems to me that other survivors may have practical advice to help me recognize when I am letting fear control me, and when my ex's voice in my head is causing me to be self destructive. Also, reading some of the posts, I see a lot of comments and humor that I enjoyed. Thank you for making me smile today.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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6/10/14 7:31 P

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Hi there Jessica and a warm welcome to the team.

My o my you have certainly had a very rough time of it. We have suffered with all sorts of abuse on this team so you are in the right place.

I am delighted you are finally free. It is the end of one journey and the beginning of a whole new way of life.

Whatever kind of support you want we are here for you. Some like help and advice, others not so much. We are all different.

Thank you for sharing your life with us. It is such a relief to get it all out in the open and then start fresh. There are many threads with helpful tips. If you want any information that we can help with just let us know.

So very happy you have joined us. If you would like to have your own support thread as you started earlier, that is just fine.

Being survivors we understand and support each other in any way we can.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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QUEENIE27161's Photo QUEENIE27161 Posts: 85
6/10/14 4:13 P

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Hey I am Jessica. I am a survivor of many types of abuse from all ages. Although, I have broken the cycle of abuse in my life. Aug. 2010, I quit smoking, which was my crutch I had since I was nine because of my about then. At that same time, I gave my abuser his last chance. He really change, my dad and brother agreed and the did not like him. Wow. I was happy. Which made, my quitting smoking so much easer. Well we all know the happiness did not last long. Feb 2011, I left him, and my hell started, 3 times worse then ever. This time was because of our son. He tried to kill me, and a friend. He violated his restraining order 3 times. He stalked me. For 2 1/2 years my life was a living hell, with the him, the with court problems, (he was an ex sheriff and I work for the Prosecutor's Office).

I am a survivor. I am free from the man that abused me, I am free from my crutch of my past abuse. (August I will be 4 years smoke free.) I was determined not to let him ruin what I already fix with my past, the final thing was quitting. He was not taking my quit. I was determined for him not to destroy my children's and my life anymore. I AM FINALLY FREE. Thanks God!!

Now during this time, I was not able to focus on to many things. I ignored my health unless, it put me in the hospital. With not smoking, stress, comfort eating, and loneliness, I gained weight, about 50 pounds. Right, now I am pre-diabetic, but my number are showing different. I have beating many things...I don't want to let diabetes win.

My next fight for me is to lower my blood sugar. I am not saying I am losing weight, because of issues of trying and failing. So I am tricking my mind and my body. I am lowering my blood sugar, by exercise and well balanced meals.

I am going to need help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have to learn a lot of things, the big picture is to learn to run a household. I know nothing about that, and I am working on learning that responsibility.

I WILL NEED HELP! And in here you understand the fear of change and things that are new. Failing is not an option for me, so I need a good support group, to kick me in to gear to set and focus on my goals.

Jessica
(typed not proofread)



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6/2/14 11:00 P

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Like Wispy, therapy has been extremely helpful for me. I've also gotten a lot out of self-help books, but not all of those are equal. We've shared some good information and resources on this team over the years, even though we don't have a real active membership at the moment. We do understand, and will encourage you in your healing work.

emoticon to you, and emoticon on giving yourself the gift of reaching out. Many of us were so indoctrinated to hide, and of course abusers like to isolate their victims, that an important step in empowerment is just to shine a light on what happened, and what we are trying to accomplish. I encourage you to keep reaching out!
emoticon emoticon I'm hoping you will find support and inspiration here.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/2/14 9:56 P

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Hi there Lizzie, very happy to meet you and a warm welcome to the team.

We have had all kinds of abuse in this team and understand the feelings of low self esteem and even self blame in many cases, although it is never ever the fault of a child.

So pleased you are wanting to grow in self esteem and love for yourself. These are all steps on the way to recovery. In my own case, I needed therapy to get me started on the road, but my abuse was from a very young age and I had buried a lot of it so deeply it only began to surface once I became willing and ready to look back. I had well and truly buried it under anything that would help to take away the pain.

I am happy to say that both therapy and then group work with others have helped me enormously to understand both myself and others.

Looking forward to getting to know you.

Hugs Wispy



"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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6/1/14 10:22 P

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Hi, I'm Lizzie. I was sexually abused for a long time and emotionally abused. It really destroyed my self-esteem & love for myself. So, I'm trying to grow and learn to love myself as well as get in shape.

With Love Lizzie


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5/24/14 9:07 P

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Nan, I so hear you on that one. It took me a long time to believe it as well. I got the head knowledge, but it made very little different to how I felt inside. But one day, I can actually remember it quite clearly. I was in my therapists room at the time and we had been chatting, I dont remember what we were talking about. But for some reason I had a clear flash of insight and realised... of course I was not responsible... no child is ever responsible. It actually hit home deep inside me that I was not wicked, or unloveable, or that no one would ever love me and it was all my own fault. It was all stuff I had just grown up believing and said nothing about me at all. I then came to understand no matter what anyone says - the only person it says anything about is the person saying it. This is clear from the fact that people all have different opinions about everyone. No two people experience anyone in exactly the same way - we each see others through our own eyes and what life has been for us.

My mother had been abused as a child and my father was very emotionally disturbed. They could only give me what they had to give. They did not know how to be any different from what they were. They did the very best they could at the time. I believe this is true for all of us including myself and it led on to forgiveness of others and also myself. I spent my earlier life with an enormous guilt complex. Of course I had no idea that is what it was. I just thought I really was guilty. I felt guilty and ashamed of just being alive really. When I discovered the truth that I had a guilt complex and it did not mean I was guilty was a big day for me. But it did not change the way I felt overnight either. I had to work through it with a trained person. I was totally neurotic and went about apologising for all sorts of things that other people did not even notice. I would lie awake at night feeling riddled with guilt over some minor thing I had done, that wasnt even a bad thing - it just seemed bad to me. I had very little idea of right and wrong at that time and need to check it out with an understanding counselor. Thankfully I had that.

Sending you warm hugs. Wispy


"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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FINDINGMENANLT's Photo FINDINGMENANLT Posts: 31
5/24/14 7:23 A

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Please, call me Nan.

I think one of the most difficult things for me is being told well actually, that wasn't your fault as a child. You were not to blame. I have had it so ingrained for so long that I was supposed to be behaving like an adult from such an early age.





Forged in fire,
Quenched in tears.
I am formed
of hardened steel.



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5/24/14 12:34 A

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emoticon and emoticon from me too. Please let us know how you like to be addressed--Finding Me? Nan?

I'm also glad you have a therapist to talk to, and one who understands child care issues. You've been through a lot. One of the most important things I've done over the years in therapy & with the help of books and such is to build my confidence and start to purge the beliefs I took on over the years of abuse, especially my sense of powerlessness.

Self- nurturing and self-love has been another big theme for me. And of course adopting healthy, balanced habits (in my own babystepping fashion) is a great way to demonstrate that self-care to all my inner parts. I hope you find encouragement and support here on Spark and on our SAssy team.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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5/23/14 4:34 P

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I am so pleased they were not mistreated and that you have lots of support. I am thinking the boys must be quite young not to have asked lots of questions.

You are handling everything very well.

We have a thread called "sharing the hard stuff" as well as many others. There is also a daily thread for general chit chat. All sorts of other topics have been discussed over the years, so feel free to look back and see if there is anything that interest you. To bring it up to the top of the list, all you need do is post on it and we will get a heads up. emoticon


"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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FINDINGMENANLT's Photo FINDINGMENANLT Posts: 31
5/23/14 1:14 P

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Thanks for the welcome. No, he didn't hurt the boys. And thankfully didn't expose them to any of what he was doing online either.

I suspect the biggest reason for the leniency is because he was arrested right before the whole celebrity abusers mess kicked off over here after Jimmy Saville's death. The prosecution service and the police were up to their eyeballs investigating all of that.

I also think that had they been able to charge him for the chat logs, they would have done. But they were not able to trace any people he chatted to back from the nicknames used. These chat logs are a big part of why I would insist on him being supervised today if social services wasn't requiring it.

Little things that I alway just thought of as being quirks are coming to mind and causing me to wonder - is thi the reason why?

I'm thinking specifically about how much I abhor having my face touched. I just cannot stand anyone touching me anywhere on my face. I also don't like water touching my face - I don't put my head under water when I go in the pool, and when I shower I always make absolutely certain that no water can run down my face.

I'm on a break from therapy this week and next. She takes into consideration that most her her clients are parents and have to deal with child care when school is out, so doesnt' schedule appointments during term and half-term breaks.

I've not yet told the boys exactly what happened and why their father was arrested. It's something that needs to be done, but the social worker wants to work out exactly what and how we should tell them first.

Forged in fire,
Quenched in tears.
I am formed
of hardened steel.



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5/23/14 8:52 A

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Hello there and a warm welcome to the team.

I am so sorry you have had to go through such a very difficult and traumatic time. I am hoping he had not been abusing your children in any way. I am thinking as he is being treated so leniently he had not touched them.

Many of us cannot remember the abuse, or in some cases just some of it and then once we start in therapy buried memories can come to the surface.

I am pleased you now have the children back with you. It must have been difficult to explain in an understandable way to them what has been going on. You have been so courageous to come through all that.

Yes, we do lose people we thought were friends in many cases. I was surprised at the attitude of some who thought if we were abused it was our own fault...

I am sure your therapist has told you that in no way was it your fault that any of this happened. We are not responsible for what other adults do and I am pleased your ex husband is getting help. It took me a long time to really believe it was not my fault I was being abused as a child. I had accepted the blame for everything and just felt so guilty and wicked. But with good therapy the head knowledge finally became a real inner conviction that of course a child is not responsible for what an adult may do to them.

Thank you for sharing with us. Talking to people who understand can be a big help.

Hugs Wispy

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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FINDINGMENANLT's Photo FINDINGMENANLT Posts: 31
5/23/14 7:49 A

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After 15 years of marriage, I found out that hard way that for at least the previous 3 years of that marriage me husband had been spending most of his free-time in internet chat rooms discussing the torture and abuse of children, and downloading illegal images. My first knowledge of this was when the police showed up at our door at 6:30 one morning in 2012 to arrest him.

Over the following year I learned the full extent of what he had been doing, and underwent several indepth assessments and educational sessions on child sexual abuse to prove I could keep my children safe. My children were taken away from me as a result of his actions and kept in foster care for 18 months while I did all this.

I filed for divorce in 2013, it should be finalised soon.

During all of these assessments and sessions I came to realise just how much he had been manipulating and grooming me so that he could continue in hi behaviours. I also am coming to realise the levels of emotional and mental abuse that were going on. They also triggered faint memories and feelings which made me question if I had been sexually abused as a child and just didn't remember it.

I was seeing a counsellor through my GP surgery and she suggested a charity group for adults who were abused as children called 'One in Four'. I contacted them and began seeing a therapist through them a year ago.

I'm told I may never remember what happened, or when. But that my behaviours and history certainly suggests that something happened.

Because of him, I lost my home, my work as a volunteer in my children's school, my children (so thankful I have them back!), my sanity, and many people I thought were friends.

We're still being supported by social services and he is only allowed to see the boys under supervision. Right now, that is once a month but if he continues to do well that could be increased to twice a month by summer.

In the end, after all the investigations, the crown prosecution service opted not to charge him but instructed the police to give him a conditional caution. He had to sign on to the sex offender's register for two years (runs out in January 2015) and is closely monitored by them and by social services. He is supposed to be undergoing intense therapy and educational sessions, but I am staying out of the middle of all that except as it affects the children.

I go through stages of intellectually knowing that he was responsible and he made these choices, and blaming myself for not being/doing ... something. The little niggle in the back of my head that says - if you had only done something different this wouldn't have happened. But da*mned if I know what that something different could have been.

And so, I'm here. Trying to figure out who I am and what I want to do with the rest of my life. While at the same time providing a stable and safe home for my children.

Forged in fire,
Quenched in tears.
I am formed
of hardened steel.



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5/3/14 5:50 P

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Hi there ladies,

Thanks for the heads up Amanda. I have not been getting any notification on this thread for some reason, so did not know there were new posts here.

I have also emailed you Panda just in case you do not drop in here. We are here to support you, I am so sorry I have not received a note of this thread for a week or so.

Panda I am so very sorry to hear about what is going on for you. Your husband sounds like so many abusers. As you have made the decision to leave him – I know this is very difficult when you have children. Mine were grown before I even married my second abusive husband. Even then I had a very difficult time actually getting to the point of leaving. This is very normal for those of us in these types of relationships. We get the feeling of becoming more and more worthless with all the abusive talk and get to thinking that we really are like that.

If you want to leave now have you considered a shelter until you get on your feet, or some other kind of employment that is less intense. Trying to study with all that going on at home must be very difficult.
You could still keep up with your studies while doing a more simple job for a while. It was necessary for me to actually stop work altogether and go on a benefit for a time. I was a mess when I finally left and then I had to take a part time job with assistance until I got emotionally and physically strong enough to work again.

Hello Elaine, that is an awful thing to have happen and I can understand you feeling not so good about having to do it.

I have a family member who is as addict and learning to let him go and live his own life instead of “helping” him get out of scrapes, and lend him money was a very hard process. I would feel so guilty for not supporting him more. Tough Love was a great support group, I am not sure if it is still functioning. But any group that helps with this kind of problem is a wonderful support. I also went to a group called Al Anon, this is for the families of alcoholics and I learned so much there about the best way to live with a difficult family member.

I am so sorry for the pain you must be going through. Please do post anytime for support. We are here for you and it helps to share with people who understand.



Hugs Wispy

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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5/3/14 3:48 P

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Welcome to Spark People, and to this team. I'm sorry you are still in a bad situation. I really can't advise you, as I never went through that. I was sexually abused by my father, and my mother did nothing to protect me. I wish she had stood up to him in some way, but I know she didn't feel like she had any power. I was in my 40s when I finally started seeing a therapist to work on the incest issues. It has been very helpful; I did it for several years.

I've also done a lot of personal growth reading & some workshops that have helped. I went back to therapy last year, and it is again helping; I'm close to 60 now. Still working to release some of the negative beliefs and patterns that long ago abuse led to. I won't claim I'm "all better" or "completely healed," though I'm much happier and working to create a more intentional life. I wish you well, and support your efforts to take care of yourself and do what you need to in order to get to a safer and healthier situation for you and your kids. Even if they are not the targets, witnessing constant cruelty and abuse is damaging. I wish you all the best.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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5/1/14 5:36 P

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Hello I am 45 married to a mental abuser 22 years. I went out Sunday night to hear my younger brothers band. The first time I was "allowed out" in 22 years. I can only use one of the two cars to take kids to school or get medication from store. We live our lives as separate sleep times his choice. Trying to learn Japanese to leave him. It is taking a bit longer than I expected. Husband only laughs at my learning and going to school. Calls me names like stupid, worthless, psychotic B****. In front of our two kids ages 15 and 9. How do I stay sane here while I still take classes? Three classes to go in this semester. Fifth semester starts in August. emoticon emoticon

"Just do it!"-Ginpatchi


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3/26/14 8:50 P

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Sorry you had to go through that, Elaine. And yes, you did the right thing. Protecting ourselves from harm is always positive. I'm glad you found us.

Our stories and experiences may be different, but we know and remind each other that we deserve to be happy and healthy, no matter what happened in our past, or may still be going on in our lives. We deserve to survive, and more--to thrive!

emoticon and emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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3/26/14 8:17 P

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Hi all, I wanted to find a group to help me get through a horrible Ideal. My 27 year old son physically abused me last night ,I had him arrested and have a restrain order on him..the problem is I feel terrible and I know I did the right thing ,but I still feel awful : (

Thanks for being there !

Elaine

I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me!


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3/18/14 11:46 P

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You are very welcome. Actually I hadn't "done the assignment" yet, so I'm glad you reminded me! emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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3/17/14 4:11 P

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Thank you Blessed Being. I am going to try that out today since a text just sent me into a tailspin.

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3/8/14 10:59 P

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One of the ideas I got from my therapist at the last session was to put together an "emergency kit" for when feelings get overwhelming, or I'm struggling or just out of balance. It could have a list of things that make me feel better--what to read or listen to, phone numbers to call, movies to watch, reminders to take a walk, do some stretches, favorite quotes, a special candle, a teddy bear--anything and everything that can help me self-sooth and get back to a place where I can better deal.

I really like the planning ahead, and having tools I can turn to when I'm feeling needy. Don't know if something like this would be helpful or not.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

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3/8/14 3:13 P

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Hi Wispy - all good tips. Yes I've seen some helpful sites. I like the carrot idea - sometimes it is just the matter of chewing that provides the comfort. I'm so frustrated with what goes on in family court I'd rather not dwell on it. I want to focus on recovering and moving forward.

It is hardest for me when my child (only one) is away, especially when ex is playing phone games and I don't have contact. That's when the stress gets really bad. His main sources of abuse are manipulations and mindgames, and some of that has started so I just try to teach assertiveness and problem solving. To a young child!

I will read through the topics. I need better tools to get the eating in check when that stress takes over. I hate that I'm giving him that control.

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3/8/14 1:58 P

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Hello,

Many of us have been victims of emotional eating - there is no doubt that it does prove comforting at the time of eating - but then as you say there is the weight gain at the end. I have found that having having healthy things to eat right at the front of the fridge is a great help with impulse eating. We often tend to open the door and grab the first thing that is available. This allows a little cool off period.

Chewing on a carrot and then grabbing a pen and paper, or even the computer and writing out all the pent up emotions with no censorship at all has helped me so much. Just letting it all come out of your head and on to paper relieves the tension. I have just done this very thing (a cup of tea not a carrot :o). It was 6.0am today when the drumming next door started. It woke me up. There is a guy there who is learning or practicing and does it early morning, afternoon and evening Have to tell you I could cheerfully throttle him or them. It is a group who rented a few months ago.

I have told them I would appreciate it if they did not play early morning, their response was to play louder and longer - so I sure hear you on the aggravation front. I have written another more strongly worded letter. Will see what happens next.

That must be very difficult to handle and I understand the stress. Sharing the emotions is better than keeping them bottled up and I also found counseling was a great help.

How many children do you have and do they enjoy the visits with their father? The chopping and changing of visitation times (if that is what you are referring to) must be infuriating). I am wondering if there might be a group either where you live or on line for people in your situation. It is always good to talk to others who are experiencing a similar situation because they often have information that the rest of us do not or even a single parent group may have others who are in a similar situation. At least they would understand what you are going through.

Wish I could be of more help.





"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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3/8/14 11:38 A

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Thank you for the welcomes. The marriage is over but the abuse is not. It does lesson each year but there is current litigation pending which is all rubbish but still requires attention and legal fees. I have shared custody with the "counterparent." I have reported him to the police. I have done everything I can to protect myself and my home. He was not physical (although if I had stayed longer, I think he would have been) so the court didn't care about my child's emotional health. Even the mentally ill get lots of custody. Crazy system.

I have learned all types of ways to diminish his control, but the judgment allows for him to play with the schedule. Yeah, that makes lots of sense.

I focus on the good things each day and that keeps me going, but I do have severe setbacks with overeating or eating junk. I lost 6 lbs at the beginning of the year and in the last couple of weeks gained back 8!! It is very frustrating. My body is not handling the stress as well as it used to. The marriage was a decade and getting out of it and the lingering abuse has been 4.

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3/7/14 11:09 P

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emoticon NewAries--I'm glad you found us. I'm sorry to hear that the legal battles are continuing, but very happy that you got away from a toxic situation. I hope you find information, friendship, or inspiration that supports you on your journey, both on the site and on this team. Thanks for reaching out.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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3/7/14 3:10 P

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Hi there Newaries and welcome to the team. We are happy to have you with us.

My second marriage was to a man with ptsd who would not take his meds. So I have some idea perhaps of what it is like for you.

However I am hearing in your post that you have left him and have custody of your child. This was an enormous step forward for you to take. Have you finalised the divorce so that there are no ongoing joint concerns except child visitation.

I do not have any experience in this matter. But I do know that people frequently meet in a place like McDonalds for the handover and pick up. Does your ex husband have full visitiation rights or is it under supervision? Are you concerned for child's safety while with him? Keeping contact to a minimum with an abusive ex partner is the only way I can think of that might be helpful. I had to threaten to get the police with my ex husband and in my case this worked very well - because he knew that I would do it as I belonged to a victim support group organised by the police. It was suggested i get bullet proof glass in the windows and a very large guard dog. I did get strengthened glass but did not want the type of guard dog they suggested.

Feel free to share as much as you would like on the "how are you feeling", or "sharing the hard stuff" threads

Edited by: -WISPY- at: 3/7/2014 (15:11)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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3/7/14 10:46 A

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I was married to an npd/bpd/apd or in other words, someone suffering from some combo of the complex B personality disorders with narcissist leading the pack. I suffered emotional, psychological and financial abuse. Family court allowed that to continue, and now because we have a child together family court allows it to continue still. I like to think of myself as a survivor as I got out of such a horrible marriage, but sometimes the ongoing abuse overwhelms me. My biggest hope is that he tires of the legal expense and starts targeting his live in girlfriend - you know, the one from college that he "wasn't" having the at a minimum emotional affair during my marriage after hers fell apart.

I've done tons of reading and still find it helpful to hear coping tools and keys to minimize contact from others in similar situations. What I find shocking is how much abuse there is that goes unrecognized, and people don't want to call a spade a spade. Perhaps it makes their own lives less rosy. I don't know, but I try to help anyone dealing with personality disorders or family court. Lots of similarities there!

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2/11/14 11:52 P

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Wispy always has lots of wisdom to share! Here are 2 things that help me:

Paying attention to my words and thoughts. I love Louise Hay's book You Can Heal Your Life (especially the illustrated gift edition, because it's pretty and a joy to read & look at), though I always recommend skipping the first chapter, What I Believe, since it's not necessary to agree with her, and I don't on all counts. But the rest of it, and the many affirmations, and the loving, gentle ways she guides you to talk to and about yourself, are pure gold.

Babysteps: I'm all about making lasting, sustainable change by changing one small thing at a time. I appreciate the motto or mantra "Progress, Not Perfection." Just do a little bit better, a little bit more--and if you keep it up consistently, you'll see progress. It may be easier to change one aspect of eating at a time (a healthier breakfast, less night time snacking) than to expect yourself to eat "perfectly" all day long, every day. Once that one change gets easier, you can introduce another small change. I credit babysteps (and the Babysteps Brigade team I founded) with my success at dropping 70 pounds over 2-plus years.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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2/10/14 6:41 P

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Hi Stevie,

Perhaps low self-esteem is sabotaging you. I do quite a bit of work on building up my self esteem - which did help.

I find that writing is a great help. Anything and everything just as it comes into my mind.
It is said that by looking at our own destructive thinking patterns once they are out on paper does help us to change from within. I do believe this helps a lot for me.

There is a self-esteem thread, I think it is on this team. I will see if I can find it and drag it up to the top so you can take a look and see if it appeals to you.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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2/10/14 5:12 A

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Wispy and BlessedBeing- Thank you for the warm welcome.

Since the last time I was hurt, my life has been on a downward slide like you can't even imagine. Bad choice, after bad choice, avoidance, sabotage.....

Sure, I have healed a bunch. I have done tons of counseling including group therapy which I found to be immensely helpful. And have healed tons through previous years here at spark.

But Ilook back at the YEARS of destruction and i am so frustrated and mad at myself. I want to just stand up dust myself off and start being good to myself cause I have learned that I deserve that but I am constantly tripping over the mess I made and it just tees me off! Every mess makes me send a silent shriek into the night at my dad. Darn him for what he did to me! That i was so hurt that i did all this! I can't even be mad at him anymore. Nothing he did to me should have caused this total chaos. I should have been able to turn it around. To live a good life in spite of him. But instead my whole life looks like a giant preteen tantrum.

I have given up on a ton of amazing opportunities one that I may never get back all because I didn't think I deserved them. Oh I will just boff it up anyway...and I would walk away.

And I sit here stewing saying to myself if I just had one more chance to make things right...oooh things would be different. But then I get one...and I mess it all up. This sparking for instance. My goodness I just can't get it right! I sabotage every day. I start with all this motivation and gusto, and buy all these healthy foods and I still find a way to screw up each and every day.

I know I need to go easy on myself. That I need to forgive myself for all the destruction. That I need to be understanding. And just move on. But every time I trip over one of the messes I just want to whack my own behind.

Any advice?

NickName: Stevie
Beginning Weight: 236

There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living. ~ Nelson Mandela

Don't compare yourself to others. Compare yourself to the person from yesterday....

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2/8/14 11:45 P

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emoticon to the team. It's good to find others who "get it" and understand how hard some things can be for us that not everyone has to deal with.

It doesn't matter that my abuse happened decades ago. I've done a lot of work and healing, but I know those past wounds can still affect the way I react to people and situations. I'm pleased to have returned to therapy and have found a very good practitioner to work with. She has suggested some great resources., some of which I've shared here. In fact there's some great information to be found on some of the threads here. We're not a real active group at this time, but a lot of wisdom has been shared here. I hope some of it may be of help to you, too.

I'm always interested in what tools have helped people cope and grow. And or course our friend Wispy is a font of helpful information. Thank you for reaching out. I wish you success and joy on your Spark journey!
emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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2/8/14 3:48 P

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Hi there so pleased you have come and introduced yourself.

Counselling was very helpful to me - in fact I would never have got out the things I needded to get out without it. I had buried so much stuff I didnt even remember why I felt as bad as I did about myself and life. As a result of counselling I got to grips with so many things that affected me and I began to understand flashbacks of emotions that certain situations would bring up in me.

I have had an issue with depression for as long as I can remember. I thought it was just how I felt - had no idea others did not feel the same way. I just knew I did not belong with other children at school, I always felt separate and apart and so so lonely. I had felt unloveable and bad and guilty all my life without any knowledge of why I felt this way. My only way of feeling any better was to make myself be good and always think of what I could do to help others. As I grew older I began to think this was a very spiritual way of life ... and indeed under different circumstances it most likely would have been. It was motives that were the problem. I was doing it so I felt better about myself and so that I got some kind of affection and a feeling of belonging. But along with that went other feelings of why did others not treat me in the same way. Why was it always me who was considering them and never the other way round. I would get very resentful and angry that it always seemed me to be giving and never the other people involved.

I discovered so many answers I needed as I began to explore my life and why I did things the way I did. It was scary at the time facing up to the real reasons why I did things and to discover that far from being a good thing, I was in fact co-dependent which was in turn causing a lot of my own problems in relationships.

Feel free to post as often and as fully as you like.

Hugs Wispy


"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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2/8/14 2:15 P

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I am an abuse survivor. I no longer replay the events in my head. And as a whole it no longer concerns me. But there are aspects of my life that continue to be affected by it. I have recently started blogging my feelings and some comments that people have made have made me realize that maybe I do need some support.

Just this week, I had my primary doctor put me back on anti-depressants. Mostly for motivational issues. I don't really feel depressed anymore. I feel frustrated.But not depressed. I am awaiting for a referral to go through for a counselor to find a way to move forward now that I have healed.

Anyway, I hope I can find some friends here. And can lend some support to others. I hate that there are 249 of us on this team who are all survivors (count when I joined)! and I hate that there are so many more than that who do not reach out for support. I see a few familiar faces here. emoticon

Edited by: GOING4GOAL2014 at: 2/8/2014 (14:24)
NickName: Stevie
Beginning Weight: 236

There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living. ~ Nelson Mandela

Don't compare yourself to others. Compare yourself to the person from yesterday....

Follow me on Pinterest!
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1/19/14 7:01 P

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Hi there Diamond, very pleased you have joined us.

My parents wanted a boy and instead they got me. So I sure do hear you on that one.

I have found sharing with people who understand is a great help in healing. I no longer feel alone as I used to.

Looking forward to getting to know you.

Hugs Wispy


"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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1/19/14 12:53 P

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emoticon Carol. It's good to hear from you. I hope you'll check out some of the resources mentioned in the various threads, or just check in and chat on the daily How Are You Feeling? thread.

We all have different stories, and may be at different points along our respective journeys to healing and wellness. But we understand some of the unique & at times seemingly overwhelming obstacles to growth and wholeness. Wishing you joy and success.

Blessed Be, Amanda emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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1/19/14 10:09 A

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I've survived physical, mental, and emotional abuse. I wonder often how I made it this far. I'm here for a reason. I think I finally know what that reason is.

My life started with my family and then carried on from there with relationships, jobs etc. It is very difficult to have a positive outlook or trust people when your own family were and are not trustworthy. I was suppose to be a boy and therefore disappointed my dad to the point that he rejected me all of my childhood life. His attitude was contagious and spread to the my mother and brothers.

Anyway all in the past now. I'm here.

Carol

One cooking artist in Winnipeg.


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12/13/13 6:49 P

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I am sorry I do not have any information on this topic. I am sure you have scoured the web for anything that might be helpful.

I am wondering if there are groups for people, or relatives of people in this situation, a bit like AA is for addicts.
There is a group called Al Alon for the families and friends of those who are addicted to alcohol, and similar fellowships for those with drug, gambling and other issues.

It must be a very difficult situation and finding others who are in a similar situation might be very helpful.

Hugs Wispy



"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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12/13/13 6:37 P

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Thanks for your kind welcome, Wispy.

I'm looking for information about Stockholm Syndrome, specifically Stockholm that results in a long-term relationship. We can find info about how it happens and what it's like early on. But I don't know what info there is about long-term effects.
emoticon

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12/13/13 6:21 P

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Hi there Laura, we are so pleased to have you with us.

Wherever you are in your journey you have found people who understand because we have been there. The abuse may be different from person to person, but it seems to leave similar scars and 'stuff' we have to deal with.

I am sending you loving thoughts and hoping that the abuse is in your past. If it is in the present just know that you can vent here or drop me a private email any time over the holidays. Holidays were always the worst times for me.

Love Wispy

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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12/12/13 7:35 P

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I'm Laura, and it may take me some time to try to explain what it's all about for me. I'll be reading and responding and trying to figure out how and what to tell about what happened. Thank you for having this team here.

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10/7/13 11:54 P

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emoticon I agree with Wispy that it doesn't matter how long ago the abuse or trauma happened; it can still have such an impact on how we perceive and interact with the world.

I'm reading a great book, 8 Keys to Safe Trauma Recovery, and it explains what happens in the brain (with the amygdala & hippocampus) that can make it feel like it's still happening, or could happen again. That totally helped me understand my PTS better. And I'm in therapy again, 50 years after my abuse began, and it's making a difference and making my life better.

Our individual stories may differ, but we get it and support each other in finding life affirming ways to make positive changes in our lives. I'm glad you found us. emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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10/5/13 5:58 A

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Welcome to the team.

I am so sorry - that must have been a terrible ordeal to live through and I can only imagine the trauma you might have suffered going through an experience like that.
Have you considered going to therapy to work through this situation? It does not seem to matter how long after the event we start to work on our emotions. Finding a safe place to talk about these things with a person trained to help is a great release. I was in therapy on and off for many years. Finding someone who was able to understand and help was a big relief to me.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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10/5/13 12:20 A

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Hello everyone.

I am a parent of a 14 year old son, who is one of the most respectful teenagers that I have seen.
Although he does not know it, me and his Father were in an abusive relationship before he was born.
The sad thing about that is that before I met his Father, a cousin of mine that I looked at as an older sister, was killed by her boyfriend.
That being said, although this happened almost 20 years ago, I still the blood that my family and I had to clean up as well as what her body looked like.


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7/27/13 12:55 A

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Yes, emoticon Christina! My years of abuse happened 40 to 50 years ago, but they affected me deeply, and I'm still healing myself. I'm glad you found us, and hope you will find encouragement and support here.
emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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7/26/13 8:45 A

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Hello Christina and welcome to the team.
We certainly understand abuse of all kinds here.
Please check out the chat thread and share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with.

I ate from a very young child to try and deal with the pain of a life I did not understand and in which I could find no comfort or support. My twin died and I grew up as an only child with emotionally disturbed parents. I finally went to therapy to try and deal with the depression I had for as long as I can remember and then as my pain and anger began to come to the surface things began to improve in my life.

I am so happy to have you join us.

Hugs Wispy

Edited by: -WISPY- at: 7/26/2013 (09:26)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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7/26/13 8:04 A

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Hi, I'm Christina. I'm 48 and I live in the Netherlands.
My father has PTSD and when young I dealt with the behaviors from him that come with that diagnosis. I joined this team to hopefully find a place where there are others who have been / are on a healing journey.

Christina



-WISPY-'s Photo -WISPY- Posts: 25,710
6/27/13 8:42 P

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Hello LovelySweetness and welcome to our team. I also learned so much in CODA and through my time in a victim support group. You are doing just great.

This is anon-judgemental and caring place to be - looking forward to getting to know you.

Hugs Wispy

Edited by: -WISPY- at: 6/27/2013 (20:43)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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LOVELYSWEETNESS's Photo LOVELYSWEETNESS SparkPoints: (140)
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6/24/13 11:38 P

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Thank you BeBlessed Amanda. I appreciate the encouragement. emoticon

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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (97,714)
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6/24/13 10:39 P

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LovelySweetness, emoticon It's great that you have someone new in your life *and* you are taking things slow and being sure. We have some great information and resources on our various threads. I hope you find encouragement and support here.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/24/13 1:00 A

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Hi...

I understand some of what you went through. Big hug.

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6/24/13 1:00 A

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Hi...

I understand some of what you went through. Big hug.

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6/24/13 12:59 A

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Hi...

I understand some of what you went through. Big hug.

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6/24/13 12:41 A

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Hello

I am a survivor of marriage and divorce to a narcissist. He is still abusing, stalking and trying to punish me with constant court battles. I am a survivor of verbal abuse.

I have wonderful friends, a great group in codependents anonymous, a great group in domestic violence survivors. I even have a new boyfriend .. seems to be a great guy but I want to give it a lot of time before knowing for sure.

I would love an accountability partner or encouragement buddy. Prefer a single who is dating. I am in my late 40s

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-WISPY-'s Photo -WISPY- Posts: 25,710
6/17/13 10:41 P

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Talking to others who have been there and understand was one of the best things I ever did. So wonderful not to feel alone any more.

If you have not read it there is a great book called "Courage to Heal". I could hardly believe what I was reading. There was my story on almost every page.

Hugs Wispy.

Edited by: -WISPY- at: 6/17/2013 (22:42)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
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OCEANMISTCALI's Photo OCEANMISTCALI Posts: 351
6/17/13 7:51 P

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thank you I will be posting more as I don't want to stay stuck anymore and be able to move forward.

www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_individ
ual.asp?gid=31050


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6/16/13 1:08 A

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emoticon Katie. I'm glad you found us. The pain of our past can make it hard to believe we can be truly healthy and happy, but life can always get better, especially when we step out of the dark and the shadows of fear and shame and express our truths, sharing our successes and our struggles with each other. I hope you will find comfort and support here. emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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-WISPY-'s Photo -WISPY- Posts: 25,710
6/15/13 10:03 P

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Hi there Katie, so happy you have joined the team. Indeed that is not a decision anyone should ever have to face.

I am so happy you have joined out team and look forward to getting to know you.

Hugs Wispy.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 current weight: 175.0 
 
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OCEANMISTCALI's Photo OCEANMISTCALI Posts: 351
6/15/13 5:58 P

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Hi my name is Katie. my childhood has been a really difficult one. up until age 4 I grew up without grandparents. at age 4 I met my dad's parents for the first time. My grandfather wanted nothing to do with me as far as a grandfather/ granddaughter relationship with me.

my grandmother abused me mostly emotional and some physical. I got the brunt of the abuse because of looking like my dad the child she hated most. When I was 10 years old I was left alone with her at a picnic and went to play on the playground with a girl my age. my much younger cousin told my grandmother and she came with a loaded hand gun pointed at my head. none of my family was around so I was left alone to face a decision and basicially decide my fate. do I give in to her demand and live? or do I stand up to her and risk death?

That is something no one should face not even a child.

www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_individ
ual.asp?gid=31050


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