Welcome Leafy Greens. It sounds like you've done a lot of reading! I am a grazer too, but I guess you when things are going well you would call me a 'planned grazer'. I enjoy eating between meals so I just plan for that. I am not someone who can exist only eating 3 meals a day so I do not try to.
That said, eating to pass the time is not an activity that anyone wants to do. Lately I have been journaling my thoughts and feelings when I eat. What am I feeling before I go for the food? What is it I'm eating and what am I asking the food to do for me? These thoughts have helped me to understand what feelings I am trying to get out rahter than stuff inside with food. Once I get through those I plan to work on (one at a time) what I want to do to resolve these feelings. I don't expect anything to change overnight but I do want to become more aware and empowered over the feelings that drive me to eat.
I would agree that the 'farmers hours' are rather unrealistic. At the same time I close down my kitchen at 8 PM- I find after 8 I am eating to feed tiredness though I don't go to sleep for a few hours afterward.
Lastly to me, your weight/height ratio seems like a normal healthy level. I know that we all have our own expectations of what we should like and what size we should be. It sounds like you are well within the appropriate BMI range for your height. What is making you uncomfortable with your size?
If you win 51% of the battles you have won the war.