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ZUCCHINIQUEEN's Photo ZUCCHINIQUEEN Posts: 7,633
2/16/12 4:57 A

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I think he was well loved and knew it, just by your loving reference to him as your "bonus boy". You can take some comfort in that.
When we lose someone we love, it's as if they took a special part of your heart with them. In time you will find that they left a part of themselves to heal that part that was ripped out. The nooks and crannies won't all fit perfectly, but it time they will even out and fit. Your heart will be whole again, if somewhat reconfigured.
I'm sure his youth and the unexpected loss are making this particularly devastating, but hang on, take it day by day, even sometimes hour by hour or minute by minute.
Communicating with others who have suffered serious losses is your start toward healing. Keep sharing with those of us who understand . That is a great first step!
Hugs!

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KATD13's Photo KATD13 SparkPoints: (76,284)
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2/15/12 11:51 P

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I have had some experience with loved ones dying. Both of my parents have been gone, for more than 5 years. Each of their deaths was devastating to me. But this pain is so different. Maybe because he died so young, so unexpectedly.

There are a billion little things that can just make me break down & cry. And I can't even allow myself to think about the big picture. It feels like if I let myself go, I will be falling into an endless pit. That I wont be able to stop the freefall into grief & dispair.




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COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,332
2/14/12 10:21 P

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One day at a time. We understand and everyone move through grief that way one day at a time. Just keep breathing. emoticon

My Plant Strong Adventures @ veggieteach.wordpress.com






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SAL1512's Photo SAL1512 SparkPoints: (178,885)
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2/14/12 10:09 P

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Dear Kat,
I am so proud of you that you found the strength to post your grief on a Sparks blog! You have taken control and you know what you are ready for next. I sincerely pray that you continue to find supportive people in your life!
Sally emoticon

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KATD13's Photo KATD13 SparkPoints: (76,284)
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2/13/12 11:21 P

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Thank you for all the kind words. I appreciate everyone's support.

I have not looked into a support group, in my area. It took me a long time just to post here...and I'm not really ready for much more, right now. I am glad that I found this forum, it's good to know I have a place to come & talk.



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ZUCCHINIQUEEN's Photo ZUCCHINIQUEEN Posts: 7,633
2/13/12 5:51 A

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Dear Kat,

All of us who have lost someone special are walking through your grief with you.
A wise counselor told me that the only way through to the other side of grief is right through the middle. As painful as it is, that is where you are right now, working your way through the middle. It's a long journey to the other side, but eventually you do get there.
I am not a particularly religious person, but I prayed my way through the worst of it...sometimes every 10 minutes I asked for strength to go another 10 minutes.
Your son is still hovering over you in spirit, helping you through this and grieving, too, at your sadness. Look for signs of him, and smile when you find one.
Hugs coming your way!

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KATEJ17's Photo KATEJ17 Posts: 59
2/12/12 9:39 P

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Dear Kat,
I am so sorry for your loss; losing a child is just too big for words, and in such a tragic way. I understand that aspect of it in that I lost my husband, age 49, in an instant to a tragic accident where he was hit by an ambulance while bicycling. I am now trying to raise our 2 little girls, one with special needs, to the best of my ability. I deal with anger at the situation, but not at God, and I truly believe that he weeps with us over our loss, but that he has every minute of our lives in his hands and that he has a plan for all of it. I believe that somehow, somewhere, beauty will rise from the ashes. If anything, it has made me depend on him for my sanity and my comfort more than ever. It took me over a year to do it, but I just started attending a GriefShare course at a local church and as difficult as it is, it is helpful for me to work through the grief. Take care of your heart and your health the best you can, and give yourself time. It sounds like you are honoring your son in so many ways-- that is so good for all of you. Please continue to use this board to talk things out as much as you want. We are here for you. xo



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OHIOMOM's Photo OHIOMOM SparkPoints: (95,772)
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2/12/12 9:25 P

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I can not imagine your pain and I pray you and your family will turn to God for comfort and the strength to get thru this terrible time.

Unlike you when I lost my husband last March that is the one thing that gave me comfort is that I feel it somehow was part of Gods plan. This only makes sense to me because I know some things that I can NOT share here, but I do feel God spared not only my husband but the family much pain by taking him the way he did.

So, in short I will pray that you can turn to God for comfort and strength.

Dot
Goal: To do better today than I did yesturday.




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2/12/12 6:39 P

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I feel your loss. Our youngest son, Ben, died Dec 22nd, 2006. He died while going to sleep with his beloved dog in his lap. He had a bad heart. The Drs had told us that he would probably live to the age of 35. He was 24 when he died. I will never forget walking into his bedroom, leaning over him to give him a good night kiss and realizing that something was wrong. It is so difficult to think of this being God's Plan. But it is God's Plan. As human beings it is hard to realize that God is in control and we just have to trust in Him. As Christian parents, we have to look at the positive side of this tragic event and that is that we have someone in heaven waiting for us. And for Ben it will be but a blink of an eye and we will be joining him. As human parents, we are still grieving because Ben is not there for all the miles stones of his friends and his brother. Ben did not get to graduate from college. Ben did not get to go to his friend's weddings. Ben did not get to be there for the baptism of his nieces. Ben did not get to go Christmas shopping for his nieces. Yep, it has been real hard to have Ben go ahead of us to heaven.
Sally emoticon

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COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,332
2/12/12 6:18 P

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Kat--I can not even imagine what it would be like to lose one of my kids. I send my love to you. Each day, moment by moment, you are walking through your grief. Let it come, meet it--breathe into it. Eventually you will become old friends (that may sound wierd, but eventually it happens).

Is there a grief group in your town? Often hospice has them for anyone who wants to join. We're here and will always listen.

My Plant Strong Adventures @ veggieteach.wordpress.com






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JIACOLO's Photo JIACOLO SparkPoints: (295,155)
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2/12/12 5:58 P

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Kat....I am sorry for your loss. Losing someone so young must be hard on all of you. I hope your family is able to find ways to heal from this.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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KATD13's Photo KATD13 SparkPoints: (76,284)
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2/12/12 5:43 P

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My boyfriend & I have been together for 14 years. We have a blended family, my 3 children and his only child. The kids have grown up together and are just like brothers & sisters.

On Dec 19th, 2011 my boyfriends 19 year old son was killed in a car accident. The accident was caused by someone ahead of him, who hit another car. The 2nd car came into oncoming traffic & hit Michael's car. He was killed instantly, his best friend was not expected to survive. However, his recovery has been amazing & he has been able to return to college.

We decided to wait until after Christmas to have the funeral. Christmas was just so sad: His stocking. His empty place at the table. The Christmas ornaments he'd made when he was a little boy. Knowing he was at the funeral home, all alone on Christmas was just too much.
In January we had a 20th Birthday celebration for him and that was heartbreaking. We organized a touch football game, released balloons & had a cake. We also brought a cake to the cemetery for him. It was a really hard day.

Actually, every day is a really hard day. Every inch of our home has memories of him. Not a day goes by that we don't just completely breakdown crying. When I think about how we will never see him again. How there were so many milestones for him, all the things he had not done yet. It's just too much. The pain and grief are so huge.

For the first month we had people over every single day. Sometimes nonstop. It really helped to have his friends here. As well as our own friends, bringing food. But the kids have gone back to school & most of the visits have stopped. I've got mixed emotions about it. I'm trying to get back to a normal routine, but I do miss having visitors. Most of the family has been able to somewhat resume our daily lives. Really, just going through the motions. Except my youngest daughter. She was unable to continue going to High School & is now finishing up her senior year, with online classes. The loss of this boy is so awful, that it just can not be true. And yet it is so horribly true. We are all just devastated.

I can not get past the timeline of the accident. How he was in the exact wrong place, at the wrong time. Thinking about how being 10 minutes earlier or later would have made all the difference. I've had people say it was Gods plan, but I do not believe that. And it really upsets me, because I have zero interest in what anyone may think was Gods plan. That's like telling me it is not a big deal, because that's how it was supposed to be. I don't want to justify this horrible, random tragedy, by tagging it as Gods Will.

So it's just one day after another, without him. Knowing it will never be OK, it will never get better. That this grief & loss will always be hanging over us.








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