Hey Tammy. I know what you are going through. I was literally in the same boat that you are now. I was terrified to go outside and work out because I was absolutely SURE that every person that I passed and staring out of every window was someone who was noticing every jiggle and lump (on me). I was positive that they were mentally picking me apart and ridiculing me.
Then I realized that nobody cares what I look like. Nobody is tracking my every movement because I am a fatty. Not to mention when I actually LOOKED at the people around me exercising... well lets just say the majority would not be winning any fitness competitions any time soon.. but they were out there! I had just as much right to work out as they did. I saw chunky thighs, flabby arms, pudgy cheeks, thick ankles, spare tires and beer guts. It as all there and it did not seem to bother them. So why should it bother me?
Also even if I did run into a "perfect" person and I was sure they were snickering behind my back. Literally I heard them. I just shrugged and said to myself, "Well I am out here making a healthy choice for myself. THEY are not going to pay my medical bills when my weight starts to effect my health! So THEY can SHOVE IT!"
THEY were gone the next day and never came back.
Just last night I was jogging at 8pm. I was wearing some spandex jogging pants, that I look awful in, but they were free & they are comfortable sooooo.... I was wearing them. I jiggled past two walking girls that were maybe 110lbs each. I felt pretty embarrassed at first. Then I thought, "I'm jogging and challenging my body. They are at a different place than I am."
Because really I don't know what another person is dealing with or thinking about. Maybe some one important to them just died or they are struggling with suicidal thoughts and my jiggly thighs are not even on their radar! It is ego-centric of me to feel like my cellulite is the foremost thought on every one else(s) mind. Or maybe they have lost 200lbs and are cheering me on! I don't know but to assume that every one is mentally ridiculing me because I am fat and working out.... It is just not possible. That would mean that everyone even complete strangers were obsessed with my fat... If they are they have a very sad existence. Especially since I am working out now and my fat is going away. :-)
| current weight: 165.0