My name is Nicole. I've been on SP here and there since 2006. I had lost over 60 lbs in the first year that I joined. Since then however, I have had two baby girls and put it all back on plus some.
Anyway, I had some anxiety issues a few months after my first daughter was born, although I was only diagnosed with depression and given Zoloft. It definitely helped me feel better, but then we wanted to have a second child, so I went off of it per doc's orders.
I felt pretty good ever since then up until the day after Christmas. That day I could feel the anxiety slowly start creeping back in. The next day though, I felt fine and I didn't feel anxious again until New Year's day. Since then it has only gotten worse.
Every morning I wake up with the intention of calling the doctor for an appointment, but then by the time the office opens I'm feeling fine so I put it off.
My worst times are in the wee hours of the morning (I deliver the morning papers, so I'm up at 3am and it hits me then) and at bedtime. When I had issues before, I wasn't able to get myself calmed down enough to fall asleep unless I read a book or magazine. I'm back to that level again. Last night I got a whopping half hour of sleep between 12-3am. Then I broke down in tears while driving. I did try to call my doc then figuring I could leave a message and then they would call back during business hours, but they didn't have a machine, just an emergency voicemail.
I know I need help and I don't know why I keep putting it off. I was really hoping that I was just having a few off days there after the holidays but it has turned into a whole month.
I haven't really figured out what triggers my anxiety either. I just know that dark only makes me feel worse and I'm usually relatively fine during daylight hours.
What's different this time around is that I am actually starting to feel depressed. Last time although my doc diagnosed me with depression, I didn't really feel depressed. I had the anxious episodes but no really sad feelings. This time, as my anxiety gets worse, so does the depression. I can tell a huge difference just between the beginning of this week and today.
Sorry for writing a book. It feels better to get it out though. My husband doesn't really understand it a whole lot and I don't like to tell everyone what I'm dealing with, so typing this all out is somewhat of a relief.
I have promised myself that I will call the doc on Monday though. I hate feeling this way. I keep remembering the feeling of relief I had when I took Zoloft before and I want that relief.
It just stinks though-I may have to give up breastfeeding my daughter in order to take meds to make me feel better.
The pain of passing up food is temporary. The rewards of weight loss are FOREVER!!!!
Feel the thin within!
| current weight: 380.0