to the team Nicole! I understand what you are saying. I breast fed all my children and the bonding was fantastic! Be sure to talk with your DR. He/She may have some ideas to help you until the time you are ready to wean your baby. Together you can make a better decision as to where you and your baby are. As Cynthia said don't feel guilty about going back on meds that help you. I wish my grown children knew me then as I am now. Hugs, Nola
Kansas~ CST Each step taken is a calorie left behind!
I'm sorry you are going through a difficult time. Anxiety compounded with depression is never easy. I'm glad you posted so that we can support you. Sometimes anxiety triggers depression and sometimes they just go hand and hand without any rhyme or reason as to why. If you're like me you want answers to the WHY's. Sometimes it's stress and sometimes there is no answer other than just a chemical imbalance.
Anyhow you did the right thing by calling your Dr., but since it was after hours I would recommend calling again on Monday. Could it be fear holding you back from making the call? By fear I mean maybe fear of facing the reality that things have come to the place where you need the meds again. There is no shame in needing to go back on medication. I know you really feel bummed about the possibility of having to give up breastfeeding, but look at this way; by taking care of yourself by doing what is needed medications, ect you in the long run will be able to care better of your baby girls. Not that you are not taking good care of them now. That is the last thing I mean.
I'm sorry your husband doesn't have a good understanding with what you are going through. Just know that this is a support team and we'll help you in any way that we can. It's very good that you shared with us and got it out. That is a very good first step!
For now maybe try some deep breathing exercises, do something nice for yourself;;; a hot bubble bath, watch a funny movie, journal; anything that will relax you.
Keep in touch and let us know how things go.
Cynthia~~~ A follower of Jesus Christ!!
Proverbs 3;5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My name is Nicole. I've been on SP here and there since 2006. I had lost over 60 lbs in the first year that I joined. Since then however, I have had two baby girls and put it all back on plus some. Oh well.
Anyway, I had some anxiety issues a few months after my first daughter was born, although I was only diagnosed with depression and given Zoloft. It definitely helped me feel better, but then we wanted to have a second child, so I went off of it per doc's orders.
I felt pretty good ever since then up until the day after Christmas. That day I could feel the anxiety slowly start creeping back in. The next day though, I felt fine and I didn't feel anxious again until New Year's day. Since then it has only gotten worse.
Every morning I wake up with the intention of calling the doctor for an appointment, but then by the time the office opens I'm feeling fine so I put it off.
My worst times are in the wee hours of the morning (I deliver the morning papers, so I'm up at 3am and it hits me then) and at bedtime. When I had issues before, I wasn't able to get myself calmed down enough to fall asleep unless I read a book or magazine. I'm back to that level again. Last night I got a whopping half hour of sleep between 12-3am. Then I broke down in tears while driving. I did try to call my doc then figuring I could leave a message and then they would call back during business hours, but they didn't have a machine, just an emergency voicemail.
I know I need help and I don't know why I keep putting it off. I was really hoping that I was just having a few off days there after the holidays but it has turned into a whole month.
I haven't really figured out what triggers my anxiety either. I just know that dark only makes me feel worse and I'm usually relatively fine during daylight hours.
What's different this time around is that I am actually starting to feel depressed. Last time although my doc diagnosed me with depression, I didn't really feel depressed. I had the anxious episodes but no really sad feelings. This time, as my anxiety gets worse, so does the depression. I can tell a huge difference just between the beginning of this week and today.
Sorry for writing a book. It feels better to get it out though. My husband doesn't really understand it a whole lot and I don't like to tell everyone what I'm dealing with, so typing this all out is somewhat of a relief.
I have promised myself that I will call the doc on Monday though. I hate feeling this way. I keep remembering the feeling of relief I had when I took Zoloft before and I want that relief.
It just stinks though-I may have to give up breastfeeding my daughter in order to take meds to make me feel better.
Stop trying to paddle against the current. Instead, point your boat downstream, put down your oars, and go with the flow. Enjoy life because that's what its all about.
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