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SEVEN70's Photo SEVEN70 SparkPoints: (3,944)
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12/9/10 1:01 P

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Thanks everyone, it was cool to find we have stuff in common like researching ;-P lol.

Thanks for looking at my pics. I took new ones of my kids yesterday for the yearly Christmas photo. I like dark moody, almost brooding photos and my kids are always happy and giggling, so it's hard to get them to look a bit serious.

I managed a few just quick shutter shots of them not grinning from ear to ear, ran them through some filters and played with them. "Oh my God Mom, why didn't you just go ahead and add in tears running down our faces -- or maybe Photoshop some bruises in there?" ROFL.

I always put on extra makeup for my photography subjects, especially around the eyes, people usually need about twice what they think they do because of how the camera eye sees them (or possibly rather my settings...) my daughter, now a teen had makeup on this year for the first time, she looked into the mirror when I was done and burst into laughter, she giggled for at least fifteen minutes, and when I would have her pose she would burst out laughing again.

I finally got a good shot of them smiling (but not over doing the giggles) for the Christmas cards and some nice just brooding shots for my Photography effect fun. I also wandered into a bog while shooting their photo outside, ruined a pair of shoes. Odd hazard.

**Peace & Love :D HOOAH!**


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HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 21,302
12/8/10 10:20 P

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Paula~ Your photos are absolutely gorgeous. My faves from your Flickr account are Dark Tree, Red Bird Good Luck & small leaf. Your writing sounds interesting. Don't hide your talents if you can help it. I am so glad you shared with us!

BATSUOJ~ emoticon Glad you are stepping out and letting us get to know you.

DIGISCRAPPY~ Hi! Nice to meet you. I'm glad you are finding people you can relate to.

Cynthia~~~ A follower of Jesus Christ!!

Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Co-Leader of Dealing with Anxiety Team!

Co-Leader of L.I.F.T Ladies in Fellowship together


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DIGISCRAPPY's Photo DIGISCRAPPY Posts: 2,207
12/8/10 7:42 P

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SEVEN70, I can relate to you. I lack the degrees, but I'm a serious geek-girl myself. I love history, and have obsessed over web design myself.

I also have OCD tendencies... I'm quite a perfectionist (though I quit/fail easily) and I've been known to re-do tasks over and over again until they're appropriately neat, better organized, etc.

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BATSUOJ's Photo BATSUOJ Posts: 236
12/8/10 7:09 P

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You shouldn't be embarrassed about your photography - it's outstanding! You're very talented and could definitely go pro.
Sometimes it's fun to research things on a whim. I know I tend to look things up on wikipedia and click through related terms, and then next thing you know I've been reading about Alexander the Great for an hour. Hey, it's interesting! :)

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SEVEN70's Photo SEVEN70 SparkPoints: (3,944)
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12/8/10 11:32 A

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You probably won't believe this but I enjoy writing essays and letters. :-P Have for as long as I can remember. My last essay was about Edward Bernays. I'm into WWII right now for some reason and researching Russian Gulags. I'm on the high side of eccentric. I run a small web site where I write essays and post them to a blog, lots of philosophy. It's mostly nonsense I reckon.

I would share but I think it's mostly stupid. Maybe four people in my life know or have known that I write. So I guess this is my confessional board. LOL.

I like photography. Here is one of my best photos linked below. Some are good, some are ho-hum, eh' . This is my daughter when she was little so it's my favorite. My husband wants me to go professional and says I could make a tidy sum doing portraits. I've shot loads of portraits but never for money -- it's like they're not good enough to charge for. I've shot 3 weddings for free, they couldn't afford a photographer. I always can see things I should have done better.

Hmm, I usually don't share my photography either. I have a portfolio site but usually only send it to clients then fret that they'll think it's utter crap. I used to have a really good camera, both of my jobs have bought me Cannon 50D cameras and lenses. I guess they believed in my photography skills even though I was never hired to do photography and it has never been part of a job I've done. Eh' I never think of things like that you know. I think that - OMG, if I post a link to my portrait page they're going to see I don't have good contrast in about half the pics. Some pics are of me but I set up the shot, the camera and then had someone click the shutter.

Anyway -- I'm horrified I posted links so I better post this before I delete them.

www.flickr.com/photos/poduggan/36858
82
986/


picasaweb.google.com/poduggan/Portra
it
s?authkey=Gv1sRgCLPGo4S2gurMMg#


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BATSUOJ's Photo BATSUOJ Posts: 236
12/7/10 9:03 P

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I too can't say I can totally relate, because we're all different. :) I can relate over a lot of things though. I've been using sparkpeople (besides to lose weight) to try to ease myself out of a social rut I've led myself in. I've done a heck of a job shutting myself out of the rest of the world that I'm having a lot of trouble overcoming it. I hide behind a tough exterior and convince people that nothing bothers me. In reality I've just gotten pretty good at hiding my social anxiety. I figured the message boards here would be a good start in the right direction.
I don't think having panic attacks about driving is silly. I've been suffering from terrible anxiety after a car accident a year ago, so I feel for you.
Check in often and keep on the path you're on: the little steps you're taking will really add up. I haven't experienced any judgmental people around here, so be open with us. :)

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HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 21,302
12/7/10 7:44 P

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Perfectionism has become one of my biggest pit falls. It drives me in my school work, but then intensifies the pressure. What kind of things do enjoy writing? Do do journaling or poetry? As with my drawing, once upon a long time ago I used to write poetry.

Hope you have had a good day today! Keep taking small steps!

Cynthia~~~ A follower of Jesus Christ!!

Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Co-Leader of Dealing with Anxiety Team!

Co-Leader of L.I.F.T Ladies in Fellowship together


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SEVEN70's Photo SEVEN70 SparkPoints: (3,944)
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12/7/10 2:00 A

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I might add that my job was in a quiet nook in a college library ;-P lol.

I have some OCD type issues too. I'm a compulsive writer, and I work on web sites compulsively. I've built some large scale ones for colleges and hospitals. It's not worth it though. I get too sucked into projects - making them perfect, making the CSS perfect. It's a bad sand trap.

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NPA4LOSS's Photo NPA4LOSS SparkPoints: (124,497)
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12/6/10 9:33 P

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emoticon to the team. You have overcome some major hurdles and should very proud of all you have accomplished. We all have our issues and each one is different but we are all also dealing with a common thread of anxiety. We are here for you and if we can be of help in any way please feel free to ask. emoticon

Nola

Kansas~ CST
Each step taken is a calorie lest behind!

Don't quit! Tomorrow is another day to Sparkle.







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HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 21,302
12/6/10 6:31 P

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Hi Paula! emoticon

I can never say I completely get it, because I am not you, but I think I can relate to an extent. I think you have done awesome having gotten your education and handling a job. I want to commend you also on the positive steps you are making.

I have suffered from anxiety since I was little. Mine kept me from doing the fun things that the other kids did like roller skating; skiing, dancing, sports, ect. I avoided anything where I had to worry about a) getting hurt or b) people watching me. I was always more emotional than the other kids too. I'm 33 and still seem to get emotional about things that others wouldn't get tripped up over.

I have been diagnosed with OCD. However, I had severe panic attacks ten years ago and stayed in my apartment for about a year. Now I did go out, but only to the therapist. Medication helped me considerably, but you are right not everything can be done with the little blue pill. It would be nice though right? What really helped me was to slowly expose myself to outside surroundings. At first it was just a matter of going out to the mailbox. I did get better, as I am now in school. However, if I am not careful I can tend to fall into what I call "hermit" mode and shut myself out from the world. I don't like being around a big group of people.

What kind of art do you most enjoy? I admire people who are artistic. I used to be able to draw pretty well, but I lost my drive and gave up before ever taking it to the college level. Do you find that art relaxes you?

Keep doing those small things you mentioned. They don't sound so small to me and I would never ridicule you for your anxieties or fears. I don't know of anyone here that would. We have a really kind and compassionate group here. I hope you will post often. Our main chat thread is "How do your rate your anxiety", but any thread you feel comfortable participating in please jump in. I look forward to getting to know you better.

emoticon
Cynthia

Cynthia~~~ A follower of Jesus Christ!!

Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Co-Leader of Dealing with Anxiety Team!

Co-Leader of L.I.F.T Ladies in Fellowship together


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SEVEN70's Photo SEVEN70 SparkPoints: (3,944)
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12/6/10 5:06 P

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Hiya, I'm 35 and have never told anyone I have a serious anxiety disorder and since I'm nerdy and eccentric I think I've hid it a bit behind that.

I was supposed to drive into town today but had two panic attacks last night about it. It's so silly hu?

Sometimes I'm almost normal for a few years at a go. I divorced, changed jobs, -- you name it in the last few years triggering a major nasty relapse. Not my normal anxiousness but something more insidious.

I've been this way since at least kindergarten. At times I had such severe symptoms I was out of school for a couple of years or wouldn't leave the house, wouldn't cross rail road tracks -- just bizarre stuff.

Oddly enough I've had a good career and have an excellent education. I have just plowed through feeling like I'm a coward and everyone else has the upper hand.

I have noticed I react to things differently then everyone else. Even a leaf will have an emotional connotation for me, as do colors - everything to me has a well rounded sort of presence in my brain. Maybe that gets me overwhelmed. In my family my Mom said I had the 'gift' and it was kinda like a supernatural understanding of the world around me, but I think my temporal lobe has issues.

But that's neither here nor there -- it's not like it can get fixed. For the first time I'm on medication and it helps a bit but I have to dig myself out of the trench. There just isn't enough leverage in a blue pill.

So, I started small, just Wii Fit the first couple of days, then elliptical, then I ran a few miles and went up and volunteered at the library (a huge milestone for me). My only goal for the day: work out. Again, silly, I do have other things to do like clean.

Today I'm working out and making a healthy grocery list and planning a sewing project with my son. (He likes that sort of thing...)

It's all little positive steps because right now I'm stuck with tunnel vision and anxiety driven panic attacks and all the rest.

Oh' and I'm a nerd. I have 3 art degrees (I am really creative, not too surprising) but am also a computer tech. I love Doctor Who, Star Trek, you name it, if it's geeky I'm in love with it.

I'm not looking for sympathy or like to wallow in anxiety on here. I just am working steadily toward small goals everyday. Just tiny things I can be proud of so I can reclaim life. I have trouble making friends right now and try to isolate myself because I don't want people to see me this broken down.

I thought maybe someone on this group might 'get it' and not judge me for it and ridicule my silly fears and give me the 'get over it' I'm all about making a breakthrough but there are some mental hurdles.

Eating right, meditating daily, working out everyday, trying to get outside is my plan thus far, but I usually don't get to it until late because I procrastinate. But -- I do it.

Cheers, Paula



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