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SNIELSEN20, why don't you post the name of the program in the Books, CD's, etc thread so that we have a place to get the information.
Brennie83, Snielsen20 & Bloomielove,
This is the same program I have, but it's the old one on cassette tapes. This program has helped me a lot. I still have anxiety but I can work through it a lot better now. I have favorite tapes I still listen to, especially when I feel myself slipping back into my old ways. I think everyone should at least give it a try if they can get a hold of it. I might see if I can download the new version.
Sometimes I think our mates get frustrated and don't know what to do. I don't like it when my husband does, but I understand it because sometimes I get frustrated with myself and don't know what to do either. He hardly ever says anything about it, but when he does, I tell him I'm doing the best I can and I am working on it.
That's good to hear Brennie, and good for you for sticking up for yourself.
Bloomie - I sent you a spark mail with instructions for downloading.
I do have to say that part of the issue with my boyfriend is that he is a glass half-full kind of guy and I'm a glass half-empty kind of gal. He really is fantastic for putting up with me, and a lot of times it's his positivity that gets me through the day. But lately my anxiety has gotten much worse and that is what has caused this strain on our relationship.
We've talked about it and he said he really does want to help me recover or at least work with me to make my anxiety more manageable. And I did stick up for myself this morning (which felt good)! I told him that he hasn't made an effort to understand my disorder at all, which he admitted was true and that he should try to learn more. At least we have a step in the right direction.
I'll keep you updated on my progress.
SW: 167 CW: 146 GW: 130
You're doing great! That's the hardest part is starting a program or getting help! I loved the group sessions, too. It made me think, "wow, i'm not the only one!"
i'm really sorry to hear about your boyfriend. he's not being helpful at all, don't let him make you feel bad about yourself. i made my bf listen to that CD for family members and stuff, he just listened to a little bit each day on his way to work. i think it really helped, so i'd keep pushing your bf to do the same! There was a few times where he'd slip up and get mad at me for blowing things out of proportion and try to make me feel bad. But I stood up for myself and you should too! it makes you feel like you have more control. he would say something about how he doesn't understand why i freak out about something so much and would say "hey, i'm doing very well! look at everything i haven't freaked out about! look at what i've done that i never normally would!" and i would start listing off things.
that one instance, we were driving in a car at night when he got frustrated with me, and i reminded him that i never used to be in a car at night because i'd have panic attacks! so i told him not to get sassy about me freaking out about that class and that in due time i'd get to that point where i could relax more.
stand up for yourself! you're worth it! it'll get better! i personally loved session 3. it taught me how to be nicer to myself. you can do this! (with or without the bf!) :):):)
Hey...where did you end up downloading this stuff from? I would LOVE to try this!
P.S. Keep us posted on your progress in both your anxiety and your boyfriend dealing with reacting to your anxiety. I'm curious to see if these materials help him as well. My husband has a really hard time dealing w/my hyperchondria.
"The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph!"
It's never a waste of time, and please don't give up hope. Your family sounds like my mother who just doesn't understand at all what it's like having anxiety but more so, what depression is like. That "you just have to do it, like the rest of us/society" mentality doesn't help at all. She's a lot better now though, and has been reading up on it more and more which is good, but I still don't think she really "gets" it yet.
I don't know what your relationship is like with your boyfriend normally, or how long you've been together, but he isn't helping your situation right now and it's obvious he is contributing to it and making it worse. If he cares about you, he'll take the time and make the effort to learn more about it, even if he still doesn't really fully understand it. There are many articles and websites online as well you could hint at, but ultimately it's up to him whether he cares enough about you to understand you better so that he can support you, even though it may be difficult for him. Try telling him all you want from him right now is just to listen, he doesn't have to solve all your problems. At least that's my opinion.
Maybe that's why I'm with someone who has similar problems with anxiety and depression, at least we totally understand how one another feels, but I wonder if it's always healthy for us or if we feed off each other sometimes, I don't think so though. We are pretty good at supporting the other when one of us is having a difficult time. My mother sure doesn't like it though and thinks the former, that we feed off each other.
I'm sorry that night or this past weekend might not have been good for you with regards to your boyfriend, but don't give up hope in him yet either, maybe he just needs some time to absorb it all. It's not easy on the partner sometimes as I'm sure you understand. But if he won't listen, I really think you need to find someone who will. Keep searching for that therapist, or someone else who will listen, even if that is just us here for right now, it's better than no one at all and we do care and can relate.
One day at a time and don't give up hope!
Thanks SNIELSEN20 for the tip - I found them too and downloaded them along with the workbook. I'll be giving the program a try. I breezed past lesson one and am focusing on lesson 2 this week. The group sessions are really an immense help! I found myself vigorously nodding my head along with the statements many others were making - and that made me feel really so much better.
Canucker - I think the most difficult thing for me is not being able to find someone who can just listen. I live far away from my family, but even when I did live near them, they were more detrimental to my recovery than good. They think I'm doing this for attention, or blowing small things way out of proportion. Well duh - welcome to anxiety! They really just think I need to pull my act together. Believe me - I wish I knew how to.
I've been on the search for a good therapist for a while so hopefully I'll find someone soon.
As for my boyfriend, we had a fantastic evening that involved him saying "well, could you at least turn out the light if you're just going to sob." That really hurt (and, at the moment, I was not sobbing). I asked him why he said things like that because they've been more frequent lately and he's usually very understanding and willing to listen. He said it was because I blow things way out of proportion, make little things into big deals, etc. I didn't know what to say, so I left the room and proceeded to have a full blown panic attack. It was wonderful time.
Just to mention, the tapes SNIELSEN20 is talking about also comes with supplementary material, some of which includes handouts you can give to loved ones. The main point is to help your family, friends, etc., better understand why you behave like you do etc. Well - earlier today I asked my boyfriend if he would be willing to read some of them, and he said yes.
He hasn't yet, and tonight, after our argument, I looked over the list. He did several of the things they ask others not to do to a person experiencing anxiety, which made me even more sad
Thank you again for the advice. I don't want to give up, but right now, it just seems like I've wasted a lot of time trying to fix this.
SW: 167 CW: 146 GW: 130
I certainly realize that you can come to a dead wall of sorts when discussing anxiety or depression with people who don't understand it fully, and they probably won't be able to "help" you in any way but just to listen. Obviously they are not professionals, but just getting it out can help, you can even let them know you don't want any help from them, just for them to listen.
I know how frustrating it is though. I sometimes wonder if I'll be like this forever, and there is nothing anyone can do or anything that can be done to help me. So how do I function as a person? How do I get through the really bad episodes? That, I think, is the question most of us are dealing with and are still trying to find the right answers for us. I just keep reading, trying new things, using music or nature sounds to relax me, and lots of therapy.
I've been in a group therapy here at the local hospital for almost a year now (it's a year long group that meets once a week) and I'm finding it the best help because we are all different and have different issues, yet we can all relate and understand the feelings that can be paralyzing at times. This is in Canada and it's all covered, I don't know what the hospitals in the States provide.
I hope you continue to keep some hope and never give up. That's what I cling on to.
One more thing! I just checked Limewire, and you can download those CDs! I just searched Lucinda Bassett under the audio section.
Sorry I keep spamming this wall! I just hate to see you suffer and put a price on your happiness! You and your family both deserve you to be happy :)
No problem Brennie! I hope you get to feeling better. I was just gonna let you know, I guess I don't know what your price range is...but I looked on ebay and if you search "Lucinda Bassett" you can bid on those programs for around $25-$50. I think it is usually around $500 to buy the program directly from her website.
Thank you, everyone, for the advice.
I've looked into Lucinda Bassett's program a few times, but it's outside my budget at the moment. Boo.
Canucker08 - thank you for the tips. I will say that I'm well educated on anxiety and it's different forms. I have a workbook for GAD that has helped a lot.
I have discussed my anxiety in the past with family, friends, and my boyfriend, but they have difficulty relating to it (like you said) and they have mentioned they just feel really helpless and uncertain about what they can do to help me. I confess, I don't really know how they can help me. I really think only I can help me - but I don't know how to do that either. So when we do discuss my anxiety we inevitably reach a roadblock.
I think right now I'm just really feeling like I've tried many of the suggestions (therapy, meds, workbooks, talking it out, making lists of small steps), but they don't seem to be working and I'm feeling discouraged and consumed with anxiety because of that.
Thank you again for taking the time to make me feel better - it really helps! It's nice to know other folks have been there.
SW: 167 CW: 146 GW: 130
Hi Brennie! You're not alone, and we are here for you! I also have GAD and Panic Disorder (however, i've learned how to control the panic attacks). A couple years ago, I got so bad due to a heavy course load and other personal issues that my boyfriend and I almost broke up. He didn't understand what I was going through and I couldn't explain it. At random times, I would become overwhelmed with everything, run and lock myself in the bathroom and start crying. Everything felt like such a chore. I hate being a product pusher, but at that point I got the Lucinda Bassett Attacking Anxiety and Depression CD/workbook/DVD program through the Midwest Center.
I really didn't want anyone else to know, especially since everyone else in my family has GAD and Panic Disorder and they just "deal with it." I didn't want them to think I was a wimp. So, I got the program off of eBay and only my boyfriend knew about it. It really helped!! It was expensive, but definitely worth it. It is more of a cognitive-behavioral therapy approach and really educates you about anxiety. It also addresses the fact that a lot of people with anxiety become depressed as well. For me it really worked, maybe it can help you too! Of course I still have anxiety, but I can see the patterns now of when it becomes debilitating and turns into depression. I also have some better coping strategies now. I'm better at vocalizing my feelings instead of internalizing them and letting them tear me apart.
I highly recommend it! I uploaded the CDs to iTunes and put them on my iPod. I did the workbook exercises the first couple weeks, but gradually stopped because I just felt like I didn't need it as much anymore. I never watched the DVDs. I think there are 15 CDs that you do for 15 weeks. I stopped after week 8. But I have occasionally gone back to them a couple times during finals weeks.
I hope this helps! Just remember we are all here for you!
Edited by: SNIELSEN20 at: 4/26/2008 (11:49)
Welcome to the team Brennie and thanks for the introduction.
I think a lot of the anxiety you're having is normal anxieties but to a bigger extreme than "normal" people have.
One of the biggest and first things to do is to talk about it with someone who cares and will just listen to you. If there is no one in your life that you can do that with face to face, then talk about it here. It's unfortunate that you feel you can't talk with your boyfriend about it, but I understand as well. Sometimes it is too difficult and even more detrimental talking about something like anxiety or depression to someone who hasn't gone through it or can't grasp it. Telling someone to "just get over it" or "just do it and you'll feel better" isn't the answer and it isn't that simple, because with people who have extreme cases, we need to know "how" to get through it, we already know what we "should" be doing. How do we stay out of the paralyzing grip of "toxic worry" or anxiety.
I'm reading a really helpful book called "Worry" by Edward M. Hallowell, MD (I've linked the book in the Books, CDs, etc thread). He writes about some basic steps that can help and goes into further detail in his book but here are the steps:
1. Never worry alone (talk to someone you trust)
2. Get the facts (so your anxiety isn't based upon a lack of information or wrong information)
3. Make a plan (even if it doesn't work, you feel less vulnerable and more in control)
4. Take control of yourself (don't forget the basics of self-care, such as sleep, exercise, diet and positive human contact)
5. Let it go (only after mastering steps 1-4, and you may not be able to this entirely but it is the direction in which you should head)
I hope that helps a bit, I also find therapy extremely helpful with the right therapist, and medications too, if they are the right ones for you. There are other anti-anxiety medications that are more specific to anxiety and last longer like Clonazepam, and there are the short term kind like Xanax or Ativan.
Talk to your therapist, doctor about if your medications are really helping you for your specific problems, and see if you can talk to your boyfriend, sibling, parent, friend, about what your are feeling and going through. I think step 1 is the most important step, you should not have to deal with it alone. Connect, reach out, commiserate, brainstorm, hug, or just hang out together. Letting yourself get cut off from others can do the greatest damage, especially to people who feel isolated.
Okay, I better shut up now... hope that all helps a bit, and welcome again to the team!
Welcome to the team. You are not alone!
I sent you a spark mail.
Cynthia~~~ A follower of Jesus Christ!!
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
Co-Leader of Dealing with Anxiety Team!
Co-Leader of L.I.F.T Ladies in Fellowship together
I've had anxiety for over 10 years. I was diagnosed with Generalized anxiety. I had several issues with anxiety during high school but when I went away to college it was like I never had anxiety. I began to think it was just teen hormones (as several family members had said it was...I still think many of them disbelieve I have a problem). Then, I started graduate school and had a major breakdown for several personal reasons last August and I haven't been able to shake my anxiety since. I can't concentrate, I can't sleep, I can't socialize. It's terrible. My work is suffering for it - I've barely done anything with my thesis and it should have been finished by May.
I've NEVER taken meds for it until now. I tried Lexapro - it made me incredibly tried but unable to sleep. Then I tried Celexa, which I took religiously for about 2 months and it was okay, but just not what I was looking for. I also take Ambien to sleep which helps sometimes and I take Xanax occasionally.
Today my boyfriend asked me: "Why can't you just go to coffee shop and finish this. Why can't you just stop worrying." And I couldn't tell him and now I feel terrible. I don't know why I can't...don't think if I did I wouldn't have this problem? Everyone asked me this question. I wish I knew the answer.
And just to add to all the stress, I'm about to start an internship with a major company and I really need this to become a job offer. I have 120K in student loans and if I don't get a high paying job, I'll never pay them off.
I'm worried my anxiety will make me so introverted and uncomfortable to be around during the internship that the company will hate me. I'm also worried it will make me perform terribly.
Does anyone have any advice? I really don't know what to do. I've seen several therapists, but I just don't think the ones offered by my graduate school are any good.
Edited by: BRENNIE83 at: 4/25/2008 (19:41)
SW: 167 CW: 146 GW: 130
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