Hello! I'm Jennifer, 42, and used to be thin, healthy and happy. Now I'm just happy (but not with my weight). After my divorce in 2004, I remarried and slowly packed on 50 extra pounds. While I'd like to lose that 50, my real goal is 70. Bottom line: I want to be MY best, not someone else's.
I love the movie "The Mirror Has Two Faces" when Barbra Streisand realizes she has been "too lazy or too scared" to face her demons, but finally does and loves the outcome (even though Jeff Bridges doesn't). She is not afraid of being her best, and I am. WHY? Why does it scare me to be thin? I can think of a few reasons:
I was thin when my first husband cheated on me.
I was thin when I was abused.
I was thin when I was the most unhappy in my life.
I'm so happy now, married to a wonderful man and living the life I have dreamed of for years, so why am I afraid to lose the weight? I start to lose, and when I see the scale start dropping in number, I mentally and emotionally panic and sabotage my weightloss and put back on the pounds.
This is a cycle I must break and I pray I can find people here to inspire me to face MY demons and find that girl who used to be thin and healthy so that she can have ALL that she deserves.
Thanks!
I can do this. I am worth it. I deserve to be the best and happiest I can be.
| current weight: 207.5 |
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