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QPONDEALER's Photo QPONDEALER Posts: 36
4/25/12 11:05 P

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Hi everyone! I hope I am posting this in the right place. I love the fireproof movie and book! I had to check this group out! I am a newlywed. 2 weeks tomorrow. My husband and I have been together for nearly 10 years now and been through a lot. We are dedicated to our marriage and our family. Whether your marriage is in a rocky spot or not I think this is a great book for helping strengthen the special bond of marriage.
Sorry not sure what else to write right now...
Thanks for having this group... I look forward to the inspiration I know I will find here.

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PRAIRIE_GIRL1's Photo PRAIRIE_GIRL1 SparkPoints: (487)
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3/27/12 2:55 P

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Marriage counseling is no picnic. Even though I was not the one who left my husband, our counselor stood up at times for my husband and not me. The counselor won't allow any bashing and slander against each other. Our counselor was very careful not to take sides with either of us.

It has been difficult to go to counseling for the past 14 months, but I am feeling better and our marriage is getting stronger. Last summer we did a lot of fun dates and weekend trips. Last fall we took a trip out east and stayed in a romantic cabin. They were all good things to help strengthen our marriage. I think our counselor feared that if I didn't forgive and forget my husband's infidelity that he would just get tired of coming and try to start a relationship with someone new. You can't just "forgive" someone overnight after all that pain. I always felt like I could "forgive but not forget." Certain things would trigger my memory and I would feel horrible....a young woman in a bikini on a float trip, TV shows that talk about screwing around behind your spouse, movies that seem to promote promiscuity in a couple.....TV and movies have to be carefully selected or I have a relapse and get very distraught.

You and your husband do have a lot of work ahead of you, but if he is willing to go to counseling with you and TRY to make amends, that is a good start. I will keep you both in my prayers. With God, nothing is impossible!!!

The most important thing in life is what happens next.


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LIANAJAZZ's Photo LIANAJAZZ Posts: 17
3/27/12 12:33 P

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Edited by: LIANAJAZZ at: 3/28/2012 (12:20)
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PRAIRIE_GIRL1's Photo PRAIRIE_GIRL1 SparkPoints: (487)
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3/20/12 6:38 P

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I have been married for almost 32 years. About 2 years ago, my husband and a group of people we didn't know very well went on a two - week motorcycle trip. I thought it was just a ride, like my husband told me. Come to find out they planned this crazy wild trip behind my back (Sturgis, SD) and I didn't know what kind of environment that he would be in. My husband did not take a telephone, even after I asked him to. I found out of course, little by little, that my husband was cheating on me the whole time. I never thought my husband would do that to me, but with the encouragement of these people (not true friends, unfortunately), he gladly participated in many promiscuous activities, while I begged him to come home when I could reach him on someone else' phone.

It was a nightmare to say the least and I am still having trouble getting past his deceit and lies. He wouldn't reach out to hug me when he came home, he wouldn't tell me about anything that went on during his trip because, of course, he couldn't. The other people (one married couple and a single guy) all thought it was funny.

For the past 1 1/2 years now we have been going to marriage counseling. I have been trying so hard to get past it all. My husband seems to be sorry, but he has never had to tell me everything. Our counsel just says, "he is guilty by his own recognisance" and to not ask anymore questions. All the security and trust I used to have in my marriage and my husband is gone.

I am a Christian. I pray. My husband and I go to church about twice a month. I am having trouble getting totally past this. There are times when I am OK, but then there are times when I see the scenes in my mind, the dancing and flashing with young women, etc. I am insecure about my own body now, which I used to not be. My husband says all that young stuff doesn't mean anything to him, but the way I see it, it meant more to him for two weeks than to come home and be with me. We have 3 grown children, and I really don't want a divorce at this point in my life.

How do I get past this feeling of betrayal and desertion????

The most important thing in life is what happens next.


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YESLORD Posts: 12,978
7/12/11 12:38 A

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God bless you my dear, and Know that there is nothing to hard for our God.But one thing I do know
the Bible says through love and kindness have I drawn them, I know things look bleak, but keep look to the Lord I have not only thyroids, I have back problems and sometime I hurt, but the one thing I do know you continue to love your husband with the love of Christ. I know it is not easy and he may say things to hurt.But hold on to the promises of God. You have a beautiful daughter, let God work on him, one thing I do know God turned my whole life around
put all your trust in Him He will bring you through. remember all the things you leaned the last time, hang in there. God will heal all of your broken places. take this one day at a time. starting with saying something positive to your husband, not that you don't. I truly commend
you for wanting to wrk at your marriage. so know that you are loved. No your are not to honest. and i know you love your husband. PG emoticon



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IAM_HIS2's Photo IAM_HIS2 Posts: 59,999
7/11/11 9:57 P

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Hi everyone. Just joined this team. I am not new to SparkPeople--been a member since 2008.

I have been married for 13 years. Being a late bloomer, I got married late. Boy was it difficult after being single most of my life. Suddenly I had someone telling me you can't spend money on this or that or oh, I forgot to tell I invited my boss for dinner tonight. What a the hardest for me, mother-in-law would come to visit and put me down every opportunity you could. My husband would not defend me.

Because my marriage is a sacrament and a vow I made to God, I needed to do something to help make it work. Therefore we to counseling. I was sincere, my husband was just showing up. He refused to go to counseling.

Well I thought it was a loosing battle to hope that my marriage would work. Things continued to get worst. He became interested in two of my friends. After a while he did not care if I was present or not. My heart ached when I heard tell my friend how beautiful she looked and how he always thought about her. He did everything to push me away.

I turned to prayer and daily Mass. Finally, my priest suggested Retrouvaile. Through divine assistance, my husband and I went to the Retrouvaile weekend. A miracle, a true miracle. We received many tool we needed: How to communicate ; the right way to express how we left; how to to forgive and trust again.

Things have gotten tough again because I have been diagnosed with RA and fibromyalgia. My husband keeps telling me I give him a lot of stress--bottom line my medicine cost more than what he wants to pay and I can no longer do somethings.

I am hoping this team will help me to Fireproof my Marriage.



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YESLORD Posts: 12,978
2/27/11 1:01 P

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Come in and Tells us about you . We look forward to getting to know you! PG emoticon



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