I have been married for almost 32 years. About 2 years ago, my husband and a group of people we didn't know very well went on a two - week motorcycle trip. I thought it was just a ride, like my husband told me. Come to find out they planned this crazy wild trip behind my back (Sturgis, SD) and I didn't know what kind of environment that he would be in. My husband did not take a telephone, even after I asked him to. I found out of course, little by little, that my husband was cheating on me the whole time. I never thought my husband would do that to me, but with the encouragement of these people (not true friends, unfortunately), he gladly participated in many promiscuous activities, while I begged him to come home when I could reach him on someone else' phone.
It was a nightmare to say the least and I am still having trouble getting past his deceit and lies. He wouldn't reach out to hug me when he came home, he wouldn't tell me about anything that went on during his trip because, of course, he couldn't. The other people (one married couple and a single guy) all thought it was funny.
For the past 1 1/2 years now we have been going to marriage counseling. I have been trying so hard to get past it all. My husband seems to be sorry, but he has never had to tell me everything. Our counsel just says, "he is guilty by his own recognisance" and to not ask anymore questions. All the security and trust I used to have in my marriage and my husband is gone.
I am a Christian. I pray. My husband and I go to church about twice a month. I am having trouble getting totally past this. There are times when I am OK, but then there are times when I see the scenes in my mind, the dancing and flashing with young women, etc. I am insecure about my own body now, which I used to not be. My husband says all that young stuff doesn't mean anything to him, but the way I see it, it meant more to him for two weeks than to come home and be with me. We have 3 grown children, and I really don't want a divorce at this point in my life.
How do I get past this feeling of betrayal and desertion????
The most important thing in life is what happens next.
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