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I totally understand the frustration you've felt! I started this journey so many times... and then fell off the wagon time and time again. One of the things that has helped me most is to stop viewing it as a "bandwagon" to begin with - stop seeing it as an all or nothing, either being "on program" or not. I had to start viewing it as a lifestyle change, because you can't maintain a "diet" forever, but you CAN and SHOULD maintain a healthy lifestyle!
One of your last lines totally connects with me - "I am tired of the thin, healthy me, having to wait to do almost everything it wants to do, for the fat, unhealthy me, to lose weight so we can do it!!" This was the major factor in my turning point. I wanted to be able to do all the things I dreamed of doing... NOW... not in a few years. I encourage you to start doing things now... don't wait. You will surprise yourself with what you can do if you push yourself!
Good luck with your journey!
Team Leader of SparkDenver www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
"It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell."
"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions." ~Dalai Lama
I love your honesty!
I love that you're putting yourself out there!!
I would love to help you in your journey in any way I can, someone to talk to or whatever.
KICK SOME ASS!!!!
I understand your exhaustion! The description of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. That is what brought me to SparkPeople. I have been so heavy the last 10 years, that I can tell it's wearing on my frame. I would love to partner with you and encourage you. We can do this! I hope you have a blessed Christmas.
It's not where you start, it's where you finish!
I have joined Sparkpeople before many times and life keeps happening and becoming my perfect excuse to stop doing what is working. I have never joined using my real name, just several aliases and my pseudonym the last time. Then I had a birthday and finally after 20 years of being morbidly obese decided I want to lose the weight, because I want to lose the weight.
I am tired of not being able to scratch or wash all of my own back. Tired of having to plan way in advance what I am going to wear somewhere important because it may or may not fit. Tired of walking across the room or picking up my cat making me short of breath. I am tired of the false smile on my motherís face when she lends me money to get ice cream or candy, because I am broke and I already went through what was suppose to be a monthís supply. I am tired of wondering if a chair is going to break when I sit down in it. I am tired of checking the weight limit on exercise equipment before I use it. But most of all I am tired of the thin, healthy me, having to wait to do almost everything it wants to do, for the fat, unhealthy me, to lose weight so we can do it!!
Tirade over!! I look forward to getting to know everyone and to making some non-cyber friends for a change!!
ďA manís moral self shall be filled with the fruit of his mouth; and with the consequence of his words he must be satisfied, whether good or evil.Ē - Pro 18:20