I am very excited to join the Sparks community, it sounds really supportive. I have tried various diets throughout the years but usually only for a very for short time. I personally believe that dieting causes me to eat more before, during and after the diet. I need to feel in control of my own self and I believe that the Spark approach will provide that. I donít need someone else controlling my behavior based on their beliefs.
I am at my heaviest weight right now. I have had a lot of stress during the last five years. My brother, who was only 21 years old, was murdered by gang members in a local park. He was an innocent bystander. Eleven months later my sister, who was only 40 years old, was savagely beaten to death by her husband. My grandfather died about six months later. So much turmoil resides within me. After my sister died I talked to my cousin about making positive changes in my life. I am tired of being self-conscience about my weight. I am tired of having it hang over my head. I want to live my life with an inner happiness. I want to run freely with my daughter and enjoy the sensual pleasures in life without feeling poorly about myself.
When we packed up my sisterís belongings we discovered tons of brand new house wares that she had been keeping until she had her Ďdreamí house. She used her old stuff, waiting and waiting for the right time to use her beautiful items. But she died and never enjoyed them; she missed out waiting for something to happen that never did. I now realize that your life can end at any time and you should live your life fully. Enjoy every moment and savor it.
In some ways, I feel like I cannot truly enjoy myself. I am always thinking that when I lose weight, I will truly be happy. I know I need to love myself the way I am but itís hard to do that when you feel horrible in your body. Itís an effort to bend over to tie my shoes, walk up a flight of stairs. I deserve to be happy within my body and I hope I can make the right steps to make that happen.
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