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CJBAGGINS's Photo CJBAGGINS Posts: 30,572
2/5/10 9:56 P

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Sue - that is great news. All the best to you both.

Sam - good point about her husband maybe feeling more comfortable if he has the control in choosing the therapist.

cj

God is closer to us than water is to a fish.
- St. Catherine of Sienna

Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labour in vain.
- Psalm 127:1




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SAMODER's Photo SAMODER Posts: 11,838
2/5/10 6:47 P

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I don't have a lot to add, other than my support.

I may have read too much into it, but did you say that your husband will look for a therapist, if this one doesn't work out. Maybe he feel since you are the one who set things up , the therapists are favoring you. Maybe if he has the "control" of choosing, he will be happier with the therapist.

Best of luck to you.
Sam

You don't stop laughing. because you grow old, you grow old. because you stop laughing!


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RETIREDAT60's Photo RETIREDAT60 Posts: 1,768
2/5/10 11:38 A

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Sue --

Good news about your husband being willing to try another time with this therapist and to try another if this doesn't work out. I really hope that you can work things out so both of you are happy/content.

Linda

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SDANIEL42's Photo SDANIEL42 Posts: 709
2/5/10 7:25 A

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Thank you everyone for your support. I know that this is not the place for therapy, but what I am looking for is a team that deals with marriage issues.

Right now my issues are pretty big, but I think a lot of it has come from not dealing with the everyday problems.

Good News, my husband will continue therapy, he will try one more time with this therapist and if he is still not comfortable he will look for someone else.

So he is as committed as I am, sometimes it takes a little while to find a therapist that both people can connect with.

Thanks again

Sue

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CJBAGGINS's Photo CJBAGGINS Posts: 30,572
2/4/10 6:32 P

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First of all, welcome to the team!
I am very glad you have joined us.

Please don't feel like you don't belong here because of the challenges you are dealing with right now in your marriage. From where I stand, you are married, and you wish to still be married. Sounds like you belong here to me!

That being said, I am very sorry that you are struggling in your marriage right now. I do know that others on the Team have dealt with really tough issues like this, as one poster has mentioned already.

I encourage you to continue counselling, if not with your husband, then at least alone until you can try again jointly. Your husband does have some struggles, it sounds, with dealing maturely with the issues facing both of you.

As others have said, though, I don't know all the issues in your marriage, and since I'm not a counsellor, I cannot advise you.

Please know that I am thinking of you, though, and praying for you both that you will be able to journey towards a mutually-agreeable solution.

All the best to you!

cj

Edited by: CJBAGGINS at: 2/4/2010 (18:32)
God is closer to us than water is to a fish.
- St. Catherine of Sienna

Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labour in vain.
- Psalm 127:1




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MSTIGGERFAN's Photo MSTIGGERFAN SparkPoints: (59,059)
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2/4/10 7:29 A

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I am so sorry your going through all of this and commend you for all that you are doing to save the marriage. All you can do it try your best and definitely doing. I pray that God will see you through and help you with your struggles in your marriage. As far as acting like a 6 yr old I think every man does that even my hubby now and I have to remind him with my son that he is the adult and not the kid. If your not sleeping try talking with your regular doc and see if he might be able to give you some suggestions on how to help with that. We certainly are glad to have you with us here and feel free to ask any questions you may have. We want to be here for you to help see you through.

Cherly
I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me Philippians 4:13



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RETIREDAT60's Photo RETIREDAT60 Posts: 1,768
2/4/10 1:55 A

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Hi Sue!

I have been with Sparkpeople for over two years, and I enjoy it very much. Another lady wrote to the group about her marital problems, and I corresponded with her. I'm not sure that this is the best place to discuss these issues, but I have been there, and I know that you need someone to talk to.

My ex and I were married for more than 35 years, and we had problems during that time, but they really escalated toward the end (last few years.)

We went to a counselor together during the second round of very serious issues (he had another woman -- his soul mate), but he didn't know if he wanted to stay or leave (he said he was "conflicted".) Like your husband, he attacked the therapist for siding with me.

Since I don't really know your situation -- what the cause of your problems are, etc., it is hard to tell if you are facing a similar situation. However, your husband's attitude is troubling at best.

I had a problem with not sleeping and not eating when I was going through my very stressful time, but everyone has her own way of dealing with stress.

You might want to talk to a counselor alone and explore what you want to do. I found it was very difficult to decide what to do, but it was very important to me.

Unfortunately, I'm not a counselor, just a lady who went through a very rough time with my ex. If it is any comfort, I'm very happily married now to a great guy.

Best wishes.

Linda

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SDANIEL42's Photo SDANIEL42 Posts: 709
2/4/10 1:20 A

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Hi my name is Sue and I have been with SP for about 6 months. I love the support the various teams have to offer.

here is my issue, I have been married for 17 years in March and we started having problems back in November and things came to a head in December and my husband moved out for about 5 weeks.

We have started marriage counseling about a month ago for the third time in our marriage. Well we had an appointment tonight and the therapist was trying to get my husband to understand my point of view. And my husband just looses it on the guy, telling him he is taking my side and he is not being heard and if the therapist is going to side with me, he was out of there. things calmed down after that until we left and he got mad at me because he thinks the therapist pays more attention to me than him and it is just not fair.

I feel like I am dealing with a 6 year old that is angry because he does not get his way all the time. As I mentioned this is our third round of marriage counseling and both of the therapists we had before were women and he did not like that because he felt they took my side too since they were women. So this time a chose a man. I asked around and he comes highly recommended. But I don't know what to do anymore. I want our marriage to work, but I am not sure we can if things keep going this way.

Also this stress is not helping with healthy eating and losing weight.

Thanks for listening, I would love any input.

Sue

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