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MNJONES2's Photo MNJONES2 Posts: 2,016
3/2/12 1:55 P

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Some great ideas in this discussion.

NELLJONES's Photo NELLJONES SparkPoints: (203,273)
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2/29/12 2:29 P

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Change is hard, and I find it gets harder as I get older. I remember when I was young (a LONG time ago!), and it was exciting to throw the babies and all our belongings into the car and a UHaul, and move to another city, to a new job and new everything. Now I don't even want the furniture rearranged. The idea of something changing, like watching my mother and my husband age, is terrifying, so I hang onto everything else, trying to keep it all familiar. I prefer the sounds and sights of the old church services like what I remember from the 50s. I like the same old friends and the same old food. I don't know why the people around us would be thrilled to see the same old people look new. Watching people change, like watching kids and grandkids grow up, means time is passing and we have less time to do all the things we wanted to do, even if we really don't want to do them anymore.

It's funny what people choose to notice, though. I remember when my brother had a beard. One day he said he shaved it off and when he went to work, no one noticed. They just looked at him and asked HIM what was different.

Nell

No one ever got up in the morning wishing she'd eaten more the night before.

Original Goal: 114. Current old lady goal: 106.


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RUSSLANE's Photo RUSSLANE Posts: 401
2/29/12 2:10 P

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I hear ya, darlin' -- check out Carla Marie Campia's story on I Keep It Off.com for a similar tale. Hit her like a punch in the guy, since it came from the "supportive" people during her weight loss.

A lot of people have said some great stuff. Here's a reality of life:

People don't like change, and they don't care if it's positive or negative. Scares them, as they aren't sure of the status quo anymore. Ergo, first thing they'll do is try to change you back.

Sometimes that makes me sad, angry, disempowered and all sorts of things. But it just ... is. It's neither good nor bad. And it's not conscious, most people don't mean to be hurtful, but the fact remains it can be detrimental to your weight goals.

That reality of life becomes challenging for maintainers, since our lives are totally about change in some fashion and encouragement never killed anyone.

Usually I found not reacting was the best reaction. Literally no reaction, and keep reminding them that you're OK, and they're OK, and you do (or should) have doctors that will help you keep track of these things.

Basically, you just need to find a way to remind them that just because you're different is no reflection on your relationship with them.

Best,
Russ Lane

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MOBYCARP's Photo MOBYCARP SparkPoints: (144,780)
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2/26/12 4:28 P

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Since December, I've been at the lightest I've weighed in over 25 years. People who've known me 10 to 20 years have had a couple of reactions. Some tell me I'm looking great. A very few say I shouldn't lose any more weight. Some ask if I'm alright, the assumption being that the weight came off so quickly that I might have had a health problem.

The people who see me every week have pretty much got used to it over the past 3 months of maintenance. In tax season, I'm seeing people in January and February that I haven't seen since the preceding April when i was 30 to 35 pounds heavier. These people ask if I've lost weight, then ask if it was intentional.

I guess that's a consequence of doing the weight loss thing in my 50s. I count myself fortunate in that none of the people who have expressed concern about how much I lose were trying to be snarky. As far as I can tell, they all were genuinely concerned, and were relieved when I told them it was deliberate and that I felt great. That, and before my foot injury they were impressed with how far I could run.

I've also had some "how did you do it" conversations. I try to be gentle and sound out how serious the other person is before launching into a promotion of SP. Most people don't want to lose weight badly enough to change their lifestyle, and I don't have a problem with that. I made that choice for many years myself.


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MNJONES2's Photo MNJONES2 Posts: 2,016
2/25/12 2:39 P

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I have a pat answer I give people to people who tell me I am too thin.... I flutter my eyes and say, "I didnt know you cared." I then invite them to work out with me and see how strong I am now... so far no takers.

As for eating treats because others want me to - I only eat if I want to. I cut treats in half or thirds, but often I just say No thanks, I have worked too hard to undo it now. If they persist I change the subject.

People will get it sooner or later....Hang in there.

KANOE10's Photo KANOE10 Posts: 4,188
2/25/12 9:49 A

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I have had those comments from people at work. I usually respond that I am in maintenance and that this is the weight my dr wants me to be. The comments are dying down and I hope next year they will fully go away.

You just have to believe in yourself and that yourt BMI is a healthy one and is where you want to be.

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NELLJONES's Photo NELLJONES SparkPoints: (203,273)
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2/24/12 10:55 A

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Even BMI is an estimate. I am at 17.7 now but don't look too skinny. I am so terribly small boned that much higher and I start to look plump. I listen to my doc who isn't concerned at all. She is more concerned about fracturing my tiny bones and I can't do much about that other than take calcium.

I didn't lose my weight to impress other people so it's easier to discount their opinions. I don't care what people think about my car or my house or my hair or my clothes, why would I care about what they might think about my weight? Maybe I'm finally old enough to finally learn to trust myself. I wish I had known how to do that when I was younger.

Nell

No one ever got up in the morning wishing she'd eaten more the night before.

Original Goal: 114. Current old lady goal: 106.


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DENISEFULLER's Photo DENISEFULLER SparkPoints: (22,640)
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2/23/12 11:04 P

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I keep track of where I am in relation to my BMI and as long as I stay above the bottom I figure I'm OK. I allow myself occasional splurges when I get down closer to 104. For the most part I'm eating healthier than I ever have before, so I give myself some leeway to stay within a healthy BMI. Usually people don't tell me I'm too skinny unless I get close to 104. Your situation may be different if the women at your office are jealous. The ones that tell me when I'm getting too low are men at church and family whom I trust to have my best interests at heart.

I started SP at 138 lbs in October 2010. My goal weight was supposed to be 125, which I reached in January 2011. I have stayed at 125 (give or take a few pounds) ever since.


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MIRAGE727's Photo MIRAGE727 SparkPoints: (167,291)
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2/23/12 10:28 P

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Last year after I had made my goal, my mom told me that I had lost too much weight! I was at 23.02 and 170, my goal. I realized that she had always seen me as overweight for over 40 years. My wife told me I looked good and my definition was outstanding. We worked together and watch both of us trasform into healthy people. It was then that I really didn't care about what anyone said. I was feeling better at 61 than I had for all my life including when I played football in college. Then, my muscle was not really healthy. People didn't understand that. YOU have to be happy with yourself. And if you feel good, that's what matters. All the best.

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SUNSHINE20113's Photo SUNSHINE20113 SparkPoints: (25,740)
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2/23/12 2:10 A

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Thanks everyone for these comments! These were the words that I needed to hear!! My BMI is 22, so I know I'm still in a healthy range, and I do feel great and am enjoying my new size.
These are not people who know me well, just work colleagues whose comments were starting to get to me. My husband and close friends have said nothing about being too skinny. (Except a few high school friends, but they have known me a long time, so I understand why this new size feels wrong to them and know they'll get used to it eventually).
As I'm also getting used to being a new size and have taken a bit of time to feel right about it, these comments do trigger the part of me that wants to slip back into more comfortable old ways, which is why I definitely needed to be reminded that those cookies are bad for me!!!


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_LINDA's Photo _LINDA SparkPoints: (164,273)
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2/22/12 1:34 P

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I know how you feel. I have been maintaining my weight for two years now and they keep telling me I shouldn`t lose anymore!!! emoticon emoticon
The probelm is two fold. I am an endomorph pear shape and all my weight is on my hips and thighs. My upper body is very thin on a very small frame (my hands are not much bigger than a child`s) So they see the upper body and immediately think anorexia which couldn`t be farther then the truth! Because of multiple joint replacements, I am not allowed to lift more than five pounds with my upper body, so its always going to look like a 98 lb weakling there. I am a size small top, but medium pants. If there is time I explain this to them and then they leave me alone.

Never Give Up! When one door closes, I simply kick down another one!!
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You CAN do it!


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CONRADBURK's Photo CONRADBURK Posts: 488
2/22/12 9:29 A

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I know how you feel! I have a friend who tried to sabotage my weight loss goals by proclaiming in a very convincing way, "You don't need to lose weight." This was when I was 30 pounds heavier! Just tell these people that you are feeling fitter and better than ever! Tell them you are at your ideal weight and maintaining, or if you are trying to lose 10 pounds, tell them you need to lose 10 pounds to get to your goal weight. Be positive and assertive. Whenever they might say you look too thin, take it as a compliment. Tell them you never felt better in your life and that you have more energy and feel healthier after losing 30, 50, 100 pounds, whatever.

Spark on!





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TANYAP71's Photo TANYAP71 Posts: 337
2/22/12 7:17 A

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I absolutely agree with what others have said.

I've only had theses comments from people who have known me for a long time and have reason to be emotionally triggered by my actions - some bc they are heavy and can't seem to figure our how to lose, one bc she's very thin and honestly worried I'll reach a point where I regret getting thin. Both 'sides' seem to have relaxed as I've maintained.

I am careful to NOT be snarky with the first group. I'm at a healthy BMI. I WILL say that to those who comment on my weight. I am usually NOT hungry because I'm careful to eat healthy meals and snacks so I'm not hungry in settings where poor food choices are the only food options. I don't comment on the offerings being tempting or bad or unhealthy. I just say that I ate breakfast/lunch/snack already and I'm not hungry.

There is no secret. Eat less. Move more. Love yourself. benchedbiologist.wordpress.com/


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BREWMASTERBILL's Photo BREWMASTERBILL SparkPoints: (31,080)
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2/22/12 6:53 A

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"It takes time for people's perceptions to adjust, but adjust they will. As you are at goal longer, they'll think of you as "normal" the way you are now"
^
THIS!

You're normal, but not to them, yet. I dealt with this a lot, 1 year later, it's completely non-existent. Just hang in there and figure out a way to politely tell them to go pound sand.

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NELLJONES's Photo NELLJONES SparkPoints: (203,273)
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2/21/12 9:32 P

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A lot of people who have seen you heavy will, of course, think you are "too thin" when you reach goal. Being thinner isn't the same heavy you just smaller. You'll see cheekbones that have been hidden for years, and yes, there's the waist! It takes time for people's perceptions to adjust, but adjust they will. As you are at goal longer, they'll think of you as "normal" the way you are now. I have been at goal long enough so that only when I go back to high school reunions do people remark on my thinness. The same holds true with what people expect me to eat. I never eat the sweets at church so no one expects it, they just expect to see me with my inevitable coffee cup. We all had to learn patience to get the weight off, and we have to be patient with people as they adjust to the new people we have become. They'll all get there.

Meanwhile, enjoy the new you!!

Nell

No one ever got up in the morning wishing she'd eaten more the night before.

Original Goal: 114. Current old lady goal: 106.


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KEEPITSIMPLE_'s Photo KEEPITSIMPLE_ SparkPoints: (57,798)
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2/21/12 8:24 P

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First of all, I can't believe anyone would say such a thing since it is none of their business. But I wonder if they are overweight? If so, maybe they don't want you to lose anymore, jealous of what you've already lost, jealous of how you look, or do they just want you to fail, cause you to eat more, and gain it back. Even if you are too thin, it's nobody's business, except you and your dr's, And it is just as rude to say that them as it is to an obese person. I work with a couple of rail thin women, and they don't want to be that way. They are ultra sensitive to these "insults" according to them. I never realized thin people could have a poor self image as well. Bottom line it is rude to make comments no matter what size a person is, and i believe I would tell them so nicely, or if not nicely, maybe make a comment back on their weight depending on the size, give them the cookies on a platter, and not say a word! Good luck either way.

Dear Lord, set my sights on You and Your great attributes. Help me to live in Your presence, dependent on Your guidance each day. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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JENNYR0506's Photo JENNYR0506 SparkPoints: (16,723)
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2/21/12 5:42 P

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Thankfully I don't have anyone telling me that I have lost too much weight. My skinny 20 something daughter is proud of me and calls me "The Incredible Shrinking Mom." My DH recently told me he could again see the young, thin girl he married over 26 years ago. Best compliments ever!! Especially because these are the people that mean the most to me.

I have had to deal with well meaning Church Ladies who frown when I don't take one of the carefully prepared or thoughtfully purchased treats that they bring for after service fellowship time. I just say "The Lord is giving me the strength to resist temptation today so I have to honor that." They have since learned to leave me alone about it.

Hang in there. If the person providing the unwanted or unsolicited comment is someone important to you then deal with it in a kind and loving manner. If they are not, just ignore it or tell them you and your Dr. think you are doing just fine!

emoticon

Edited by: JENNYR0506 at: 2/21/2012 (17:43)
What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.
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All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient : all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.
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MELFOUCH's Photo MELFOUCH SparkPoints: (16,163)
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2/21/12 5:16 P

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I'd have to agree 100% with 4a-Healthy-BMI and Rosewand.

As long as you're within the healthy weight range for your height and build and you yourself are satisfied with the way you look and feel you are not too thin, and you shouldn't feel you have to start eating unhealthily or start piling on the pounds to satisfy some-one else's idea of how you ought to look.

I think you also maybe need to ask yourself what might be motivating the people saying this.

When I got down to my goal weight I had some-one who had been congratulating me on my weight loss just the week before suddenly tell me I needed to be careful I wasn't overdoing it as I apparently now looked "painfully thin".

I didn't feel she was right, my BMI was just over 20 and I was feeling healthier than I had done in a long time, but of course I kept turning it over in my head and in the end asked a friend I trusted to be honest with me if she felt I looked unhealthy and had lost too much weight.

She reassured me she didn't think anything of the sort, and pointed out the person who had said it had struggled with her own weight for some time and might be trying to undermine what I was doing, probably without even consciously meaning to.

It's impossible not to be affected by what others say to you, but as far as possible I would try to respond with a friendly smile and a reassurance that you're perfectly happy with your body and the food you eat, so thanks for the input but you'll continue doing what you think is best.


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ROSEWAND's Photo ROSEWAND SparkPoints: (92,543)
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2/21/12 4:53 P

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I think this a common problem after we have lost weight.
So many busybodies ready to determine what should be
our correct weight. Only we can know this with one caveat.
Stay within the normal BMI recommendations. Being too low
weight can lead to health problems.

It is difficult for many to get used to our new look. People
do not like change even in others. They also may feel a
little jealous. it is easier to judge and criticize others than
look to yourself. I suspect many of these same people
would be the first to tell our former selves that we needed
to lose weight.

Our member Linda has a great blog today about how to
choose our ideal weight based on Spark articles on the
topic. Be the weight that feels the best to you. That
is what matters. Definitely resist giving in to eating
because someone else thinks you need to gain weight!

I like the phrase: "Your opinion of me is none of my business."

emoticon

Lost sixty pounds.
Have been in maintenance
for three years and nine months.

Goal weight 126


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4A-HEALTHY-BMI's Photo 4A-HEALTHY-BMI Posts: 5,926
2/21/12 4:41 P

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Are these people who say these things are in the fields of medicine, or sports fitness?

If not, I would just ignore them.

Or, if they themselves are unhealthy and it won't hurt your job, and they are obnoxious and persistent, go ahead and explain that their ideas of what is "healthy" may be warped by the supersizing of our culture.

One way I make people leave me alone is to counter with my own suggestions about what they should do about THEIR size and fitness. Because, after all, if your size and fitness are their concern, then the road runs both ways.

In the end, what YOU think is what matters the most. Unless your BMI is under 18, you are just fine. And if you end up making unhealthy food choices as a result of listening to these people, then yes, what they're saying IS a problem, far more than what they're concerned about.

And eating cookies, no matter what your size is, is a bad idea. Period. Eat something with some nutritional value, if you must be seen eating.

Hang in there.

emoticon

Edited by: 4A-HEALTHY-BMI at: 2/21/2012 (16:45)
Never, ever, EVER give up!

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SUNSHINE20113's Photo SUNSHINE20113 SparkPoints: (25,740)
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2/21/12 4:32 P

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How do you do it?
I have a few colleagues at work who always say I'm looking too skinny now, and then I end up eating more cookies and cake in the staff kitchen than I probably should. I do it because part of me thinks, you can eat these, people think you're too skinny' and another part of me thinks that if they see me eating all these cookies they'll just leave me alone.
How do you cope with this? It's really getting to me and I end up eating unhealthy food because of it.

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