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HGM1979 SparkPoints: (1,754)
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6/26/14 9:52 A

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No my family doesn't understand but then again I don't understand. Everyday I want it to be better. I want to do normal things so I really can't blame them for expecting me to be able to do everything normally.

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10/6/13 1:33 A

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.. Uh.. NO.. they don't!! But they are beginning to realize it is worse than they thought it was..

I now am so drugged up with Vicoden and Neurontin (anti seizure meds) to help with the pain, in my nerves, etc... and my daughter noticed I am in a lot of pain when I stayed there for a few days. She wanted me to spend nite again, but my pain pill bottle was at home, so I came home.

I think they don't see it because they don't want us to be in this much pain, and if they don't acknowledge it, they don't have to believe it and live it maybe... does that make sense.. if not I will blame it on the meds.. lol..

I had my MRI, and go to a neurologist the week after next.. so hopefully soon, they can do something to help...




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LEAL536's Photo LEAL536 SparkPoints: (3,108)
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8/27/13 1:43 P

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Does anyone (other than those of us with the pain) understand the pain we are going through. My dr thinks I am nuts. He cannot seem to "cause" me to have pain when I visit him. I told him I do not come in except when I am in extreme pain. I did finally get a referral for a neurologist and have since had xrays and today an MRI. Hopefully the surgeon will have some answers for me. Otherwise - just give me a morphine drip!! I have joked about complete amputation of the spine and just put in a broomstick - anything would be better than the pain.

Take care of yourself and if you don't mind, I will say a prayer for your healing.

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ICANLOSEMORE's Photo ICANLOSEMORE SparkPoints: (23,130)
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5/9/13 9:17 P

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I think maybe they are beginning to believe me. This question just makes me hurt and ache for the mental and emotional pain people cause when someone is already in physical pain. It's a difficult road trying to get people to believe you when they want to believe (for whatever reason of their own) that you are depressed and there is nothing at all physically wrong with you. So tired of people who think they know me and know how I feel better than I know myself. Nuf said or I will just get angry and sad and I need to move beyond that for my own health. But I understand your posts, I worked as an aide in a nursing home for about 4 years while going to college. I know that didn't help my back, and there were never enough people to help with the lifting, although we tried to help each other.Years and other injuries have compounded my problems.
Janet

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SOON2BETHIN's Photo SOON2BETHIN SparkPoints: (10,330)
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1/26/13 9:01 P

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I did not work in the nursing home as long as either of you but it only takes one injury to give you a life time of troubles. We were always told at the nursing home to get someone to help you when moving or lifting a larger patient but it wasn't always possible to find someone who wasn't busy with other patients.
This was where my first back injury came from but was not the final nail in my coffin so to speak. Twenty one years ago while taking care of my own young children ages 2,4 and 7 at the time my back started hurting. I went to the doctor and he told me it was a strained muscle and if I wasn't better in 2 weeks to come back. My husband was in the military at the time and each time I went back although I would try to see the same doctor I never saw the same doctor twice. I even went to the emergency room once when I could not even get out of bed to go to the bathroom or take the kids to school.
After almost 3 months - they finally decided to do an MRI. The day of the MRI however everything went wrong. Since my husband could not take me to the MRI I asked a friend to take me. We planned to get to the hospital early since I hurt so bad I could hardly walk. Except that I took 5 steps and felt something pop in my back and then I felt extermely weak like I could not support myself on my legs. So my friend told me to sit back down. Our mistake was instead of calling 911 for an ambulance my friend who was a nurse called an ambulance service. They got lost we got to the appointment 3 minutes late and they refused to do the MRI because we were late. Instead they sent me to the emergency room when I refused to go home because I was in so much pain. They called my doctor who told them to send me home and reschedule the MRI - even after telling them I had no feeling in my legs and could not urinate. I could not walk and they sent me home any how. They called and ambulance company to take me back home.
The next morning I called the doctors office and his partner told me to call 911 and request a specific hospital because they needed to do an emergency MRI. The MRI showed I had ruptured a disc in my back. Because of how it ruptured I now have cauda equina syndome.

So, keep a sharp eye on those back problems - it is the my experience that you really have to push people to get them to believe how painful it is.

Barb

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MEEMAH2013's Photo MEEMAH2013 Posts: 671
1/18/13 2:31 P

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Thank you for understanding. I have been arguing with my providers and my family about my not working since my surgery. They all feel that there is so many people to help when at work. They don't understand the staff ratio is so different in a nursing home than it is in a hospital setting. I believe that was the cause behind my back issues. Too many years pushing a 200 lb med cart, helping to reposition a 300+ lb resident in an old bed that doesn't work so you can't adjust the height. I could go on and on. Unfortunatly for me, 30 years ago I obtained my nursing through BOCES (tech school) so I don't have a degree to fall back on. Luckily I have a medical disability through the VA and I am currenlty receiving help on going back to school. Now I have to figure out what I want to be when I grow up! Any suggestions???

Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. Proverbs 16:3

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MISSCUS's Photo MISSCUS Posts: 3,909
1/14/13 6:49 P

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MEEMAH, I am an RN, medically retired, I can so relate to every word you said in your post. NO, family members don't get it. I also worked in Nursing Homes between RN jobs, it is brutal work. I was in great physical shape, worked out at gym, had good muscle etc, but by the time my workshift ended I was exhausted, every muscle burning in a way different than a gym workout.
Feel free to nurse vent to me. I DO understand, I have been there and done it all. If you read back through the daily chat, you can read about my back issues, muscle issues, and those problems of the other members. We all have our story. We all need to tell it.
Phyllis

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It turns out that an eerie type of chaos can lurk just behind a facade of order - and yet, deep inside the chaos lurks an even eerier type of order.


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MEEMAH2013's Photo MEEMAH2013 Posts: 671
1/14/13 12:19 P

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Like many others, I too have a family who just dont get it. I was an LPN for 30 years. Two years ago I had Laminectomy with cage placement. Standing long hours on my feet nursing, pushing a 200lb medication cart, lifting 200-400 pound residents, it is impossible! And i have no other trade. I feel worthless! My family thinks I am just being "lazy" , "dont want to work" and "just sitting around the house all day" My son never thought about my taking care of grandkids (now age 2 and 4) as a problem. I have been expected to watch them because I am "just sitting around and home all day" My husband doesnt understand why the house isnt spotless. Even the act of vacuming and sweeping hurts. Standing at the sink to wash dishes is brutal. I can only take so many narcotics for the pain. I have been thru six months of physical therapy TWICE for back pain. If i had a limb cut off or something else physically visual they might understand. But because they cant see the pain they cant understand. Now I just want to get in better shape for myself.

Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. Proverbs 16:3

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LJONES025's Photo LJONES025 Posts: 117
9/28/12 12:26 A

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I have had Spondylolithesis for about 19 years now and my family does not understand the pain. My doctors says that after I lose weight then the back pain will go away but I had it even before I gained all the weight. My 28 and 30 year old children don't understand why I can't work. I tell them because I can't stand or walk for more than 10 minutes without a lot of pain in my back. I can't even stand up long enough to cook dinner or do the dishes without having to sit down and stretch my back periodically in between.
I could go on and on but that's not all. I also have an umbilical hernia that has been repaired twice and the doctors say lose the weight before another operation.
So here I am. And I think I can finally do this against all odds.

Edited by: LJONES025 at: 9/28/2012 (00:27)
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SOON2BETHIN's Photo SOON2BETHIN SparkPoints: (10,330)
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9/24/12 10:50 P

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You would think after 21 years I could say yes. Unfortunately - my husband has been told multiple times by my doctors that due to the nerve damage I will not see any more improvement to regain strength - yet he believes that if I just worked more I can still get better. He also complains he would just once not hear when he asks how I am feeling that something is hurting (good luck with that).
As for my children I think they are a little more understanding but will sometimes push me to do more - and honestly after 21 years of pain I have good days and bad days. Some days I can push through the pain and other days the pain is so bad it seems like nothing I do helps. As for everyone else I don't really care what the think because they are not in my body and do not know what I am going through. It is harder to put these same feelings on my family - probably because I expect them to support me and does not always feel like they do.

Barb

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ANDILH Posts: 1,151
5/29/12 1:40 P

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My family doesn't want to understand my pain. If they chose to acknowledge it, then they might have to step up and help more with the care of my severely multiply impaired sister. It's to the point where I WILL be having a discectomy in the next couple months because of severe nerve impingement down both legs, but no one seems to realize that things are going to have to change and that more people will have to help.

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5/28/12 12:21 A

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They try to but they do not really understand what it is like, it is not the pain itself it is the loss of function, the loss of feeling like a productive part of society, the loss of mobility, to go from over active to seditary.. no one seems to understand lossing everything that made me me.


The most motivational link I have ever seen.. please watch and share it with anyone that needs help to keep going.
www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2
142617/How-obese-disabled-man-lost-140
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JOCKO56BEER1 SparkPoints: (25)
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5/6/12 6:36 P

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I know my family knows about my back and neck pain because, at one time or another they too have had back or neck pain. I have five brothers and sisters and sixteen nephews and nieces, and seven grand nephews and nieces,five boys and two girls. They don't understand why their uncle or should I say grand uncle has so much pain most of the time. Pain killers and a muscle relaxer help in quieting my pain but it doesn't last as long as advertised. I can honestly say the pain killer last just three to our hours now. They were supposed to last six hours and twelve hours for the muscle relaxer. I use a TENS unit to quiet the pain and or I'll use an ice pack on all four area's of the spine. I just use the ice until I can freeze the nerve root pain.
Ever since I had an epidural shot to my lumbar I now longer have sciatica pain. The shot was three years ago!.
I forgot to write that I have Spondylolithesis to my lumbar spine level four,to five. Now THAT'S painful.
I'm happy no one in my family questions the pain I have. John O

Edited by: JOCKO56BEER1 at: 5/6/2012 (18:38)
BABYRUTH16's Photo BABYRUTH16 Posts: 219
1/17/12 3:13 P

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Do my family members understand my pain? No. My sister comes close because she had nerve damage in her elbow and had surgery and because she is an RN anethesist(sp?) and she's in the OR all day seeing these procedures done. My husband thinks I'm over-reacting and tells me his back hurts on a daily basis. I tell him that's the most insensitive thing he could possibly say to me. But he still complains daily of all his aches and pains and stuffy nose and whatever else. Not to say that's he's not a loving supportive husband, because he is, but he is a big baby and any little thing that happens to him is a catastrophe but I should just get over my nerve pain. My kids are embarrassed I walk with a cane. They preferred the crutches, looked more like an athletic injury or something but the cane is embarrassing they say.

RAC
ARABWEL Posts: 258
12/26/11 6:36 P

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I suppose in one way the fact that my family is full of medical issues and a lot of pain is a good thing - because most of them GET what it is like to be in pain. Friends are less so at tims, but with most of my immediate family bein on more pain meds than I am makes for half of any family reunion ending up as "lets trade medical stories"

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AYOUNG2011 SparkPoints: (6,026)
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12/3/11 10:23 A

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I can totally relate. I feel like its a battle to explain just how if feels to be in constant pain and why I have to do the things I do to get through it. How it is so much more than just stubbing your toe and having it hurt for a few minutes.

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ALYSCIOUS's Photo ALYSCIOUS SparkPoints: (1,398)
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11/16/11 12:08 A

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Unfortunately my family doesn't understand my pain very well. They think I have over-exaggerated things but they haven't seen my x-rays and don't realize that I have nerves pinching all over my back constantly. My mom has back issues too and mine are already at least as bad as hers. She is far more understanding about it than my dad but is still not able to help me much right now. She's starting to figure out how much it is hurting me and holding me back in my laugh, so she's doing what she can to figure out a way to help me get the care I need.

~*AlySsa*~


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XXUPINFLAMESXX's Photo XXUPINFLAMESXX Posts: 14
10/2/11 10:34 P

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For the most part my family understands my pain. My sister is always willing to help me when I am physically unable to help myself. But being a nurse it is hard for me to accept help sometimes, because I always feel like I should be taking care of others. I did have my mother say to me yesterday to just try and ignore my pain. Instead of getting upset I chose to just act like she had not even spoken. She will never understand what it feels like physically, mentally, and emotionally to be in the middle of a shower and have a severe back spasm and feel trapped because tthere is no one around to help you get out. (Which is what I had been telling her happened to me that morning)

I refuse to be a victim of genetics and my surroundings!


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DOTCHILATHAM's Photo DOTCHILATHAM Posts: 198
8/27/11 4:04 P

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The only people here who seem to understand my pain are my children who watch me go through it daily, my friend who has the same injury and my friends that are CNA's and work in a nursing home and have watched other people go through it all the time.

But I still don't feel like I have a lot of support sometimes.

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PFCPREMOSGIRL's Photo PFCPREMOSGIRL Posts: 70
8/12/11 10:25 A

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My husband is of the military mentality and just tells me to "suck it up and drive on"...and he doesn't believe Fibromyalgia is real. Thinks its in my head. The bulging discs in my spine I've shown him on my MRI CD, and showed him the physician's report, and he just brushes it off. He says if he can go to work 12 hours a day, then nothing should keep me from vacuuming, doing the dishes (no dishwasher, and standing hurts alot), and doing the clothes and hanging them outside on the line...I feel like I have no support. And I have to find a minute between all that and my boys to go somewhere alone and cry...

Mrs. Aundria Cooper Premo


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SCHUELLER48's Photo SCHUELLER48 Posts: 181
8/11/11 9:37 A

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Yes! My husband took over the cleaning and cooking. He thought it was going to go away quickly at first so he had to pick up after me. I cannot do any forward bending. Sciatic nerve from a compressed back (years of wear and tear). He finally got me a grabber and I can do some things by myself.. Yeah Anyone else have this problem??

One day at a time.


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LAWOMAN2's Photo LAWOMAN2 Posts: 367
3/15/11 6:18 P

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Well, it depends. Some think this is all in my head because they had a bad disk once or whatever. Fortunately, my hubby and kids get it and take care of me when I need it. I have learned that no one else knows your pain and really have no opinion!

Lori M.


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BRAVEONE92's Photo BRAVEONE92 SparkPoints: (113,022)
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3/11/11 10:13 P

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I have had chronic pain for years with my spine. In 2006 I had spine fusion.
After I healed, I sure did have lots less pain. It took me near two years to
completely recover from the surgery.

A few months ago I started getting sever pain, especially on my right side
to the bottom of my foot. An MRI done 4 weeks ago, reveals that I have
4 bulging discs and lots more problems. Because I don't want to go
through surgery right now, I have decided to have an implantable
device called Spinal Cord Stimulator procedure put in, for my pain
sake. I sure hope it works. The exact date has not been set yet.
They do a trial version first, and the device is worn on your clothing
and the leads are attached to the bottom of your spine. You wear
it for 7-12 days to see if it is going to work for you.

Getting back to the subject of people understanding your pain, I think
perhaps for awhile they tolerate hearing about pain, then I feel they
sick of hearing it. My DH is wonderful, but I can tell that he gets
really tired of hearing my complaints. So I journal, pray, and talk
about it on SP sometimes. Mostly I try to keep it to myself as
well as I am able.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth."
Psalm 121: 1-2 (NIV)


 
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DANCINGANGELS's Photo DANCINGANGELS Posts: 2,517
2/15/11 4:42 P

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My folks definitely don't understand and are not supportive very much. This will be my fourth back surgery in two and a half years. Not doing well when it comes to back surgery. Hope this is the last one.

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JUNEBUG160's Photo JUNEBUG160 Posts: 577
12/20/10 12:59 P

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I find that most regular folks out there have no idea about nerve and back pain. In my case they see me doing normal things and walking upright so what's my issue? My first hurdle is bending over the sink to brush my teeth in the morning (brush your teeth naked and who cares how much you get on you lol). My husband forgets my limitations but helps out when I remind him.
Old school or not your hubby needs to get with reality. Our mothers may hvae given birth and returned to the field but who the heck really lives like that?

Women are like dragon flies.We spend our lives waiting to become something beautiful only to realize (so late in life) that we already are.


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TAYLORCRAFTBC65's Photo TAYLORCRAFTBC65 SparkPoints: (52,805)
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11/21/10 2:27 P

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My sweetie pie and I are truly blessed with each other. If she even whimpers, I'M THERE, and when she sees that I am in pain, (I have an INCREDiBLE pain threashold, if I am uncomfortable, other people would be screaming), I do my best to make SURE that I finish the task at hand BEFORE I am willing to tell her that I am in pain, but she will walk up to me, take the tool out of my hands, and say, "Why don't the two of us, just lie down on the reclining loveseat together, and listen to some classic Jazz together"? She doesn't take no, or even "in a minute" for an answer. Brie

Leader of "Eagle's Wings" the pilot's team
Co-Leader of the Jet Lag Team
Know how I chill out? EASY, Fuel on, Mixture Rich, Mags Hot, CLEAR PROP!!


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COURTNEYLEA08's Photo COURTNEYLEA08 Posts: 63
9/1/10 11:46 A

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Hi All,
I'm new to this group, but couldn't help but see this topic and respond.
I am only 25, but have had back pain for about 10 years. It was a sudden occurrence, that didn't seem to have a cause, and after years of chiropractors, physical therapy, medications, injections, etc. I am happy to say, that I am now virtually pill free, however not pain free. I take them only when the pain gets too severe, not daily anymore, as I had for years, just to function (ie. walk).
As far as my family is concerned, I think that my parents understand my pain. They have been there from the beginning and saw what it was like before the pain as well as all I have gone through to get where I am today. My husband is a different matter. He is in the military and has never had a serious injury. We have been married for 3 years. He can run for miles and not be in pain. He doesn't understand how someone in their 20's who has been active all her life can be in the pain I describe. He tries to be supportive, but he just can't fully appreciate everything I have and am going through.

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JOOPRINCESS's Photo JOOPRINCESS SparkPoints: (21,275)
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7/19/10 1:57 P

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Depends on the family member. I had a good conversation with my girlfriend the other night about it and she said she doesn't understand how it fluctuates the way it does. I think chronic pain baffles anybody in our support system, no matter how much they try to empathize. I've just learned to be my own advocate, try to take care of myself as much as I'm able and that way I can't get disappointed in other people.

I also have Lupus, and combining the two is a daily process that's really difficult to manage. I'm currently appealing with Social Security and have been unable to work for almost two years now. I get some snide remarks from family saying maybe if I'd just "lose weight" I wouldn't hurt so badly. Thing is, that chicken came after the egg hatched. Pain, emotional eating, steroids...contributed to me gaining 60+ pounds after I became disabled. I'm just glad I've got an amazing group of SparkBuddies who can understand and support me. Y'all are awesome. THANK YOU!!!

Tara

Co-Leader: Lupus - Team Butterfly
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ndividual.asp?gid=12811



�Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.�


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JAZZWOMAN1266's Photo JAZZWOMAN1266 Posts: 2,591
6/25/10 10:24 A

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I think family understand that you are in pain, but until you have that kind of pain yourself, you really can't understand it totally. I would try to explain it to my children, but they have really nothing to compare it to (cut finger, scrapped knee, etc). The only thing they understand is that mom is down and life is crazy without her. I am so happy I had surgery and my kids are happy to have their mother back.

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EMBERSIDHE's Photo EMBERSIDHE Posts: 383
6/23/10 11:42 P

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The answer I will give is really short.
My hubby, daughter - YES
Everyone else, NO

HUGS Embersidhe

~I have spread my dreams under your feet-
tread softly, for you tread on my dreams~-

~W.B. Yeats~
JOCKO56BEER Posts: 2,093
9/4/09 5:52 P

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For the most part, yes they do know about the severity of my pain. Funny thing, my brother didn't, until he fell off the roof that is. He fractured his pelvis and a few vertebra. He knows my pain now.
All my brother and sisters have, at one time or another, has had back problems. So, they too, know my pain. John
Post script(PS),
One brother in law doesn't understand how I could be out with the pain for so long. I asked him, does your back still give you problems? (he hurt his back in 1976) But, he just sprained it no fractures, no herniations,no Spondylolithesis(? correct spelling)
just out of work for a full week(7 days) where as I've been out of work since September,1995, with severely herniated disc's,fractured vertebra,Chronic Degenerative Disc Disease,nerve damage to arms and legs,and to the back itself. Spondylolithesis pain.
Cervical stenosis,Thoracic stenosis and lumbar stenosis. I gave him the web address that explains all of it to him. www.spineuniverse.com . I'd bet he never looked at the site.
John

Edited by: JOCKO56BEER at: 2/28/2010 (14:50)
Take care and be well. John/New York


 
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JIM*S_QUEENIE's Photo JIM*S_QUEENIE SparkPoints: (21,150)
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8/16/09 3:16 A

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My DH is so wonderful, kind, considerate, loving, helpful and giving of his time to me when I need him. When I need some "Me" time with just him, he stops whatever he is doing and comes in just to be by my side.
I am truly blessed by this man and he can snore all he wants at nite---reminds me he is here with me!! LOL
I wish that everyone could have a husband like I do but I must admit, this is not my first so I had to make some mistakes before finally getting it right. God was good to me and forgiving for my mistakes in life.
Peace and blessings to all,
Vicki

Happy Sparkling,
Vicki aka Jim's Queenie

Quotes I Love:

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning but anyone can start a new beginning today and make a new ending!!!-
- Maria Robinson

The man who is prepared has his battle half fought--Cervantes

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EMBERSIDHE's Photo EMBERSIDHE Posts: 383
8/7/09 2:07 A

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Hi Ally
I totally hear you.
Well, your hubby os now the new baby to pain, and I am not putting down men at all, we have some fun loving, go get em, wonderful men at this group and I want them all to be here, and be themselves too.

Have you talked to hubby?
is there a friend, family member, neighbour who can possibly help you with these few things while he is unable?
Is there a nurse available at all? Through your insurance, volunteer, church anything?
The things you are unable to do are things that are necessary every day things. Talk with your doctor.

You need a quick fix.
My hubby works but also has a spine issue as well. We are both a mess. LOL
I can't carry my laundry either, my daughter does it. Shes 9 - do you have any kids? IF so could they help?

Anyhow, whine all you like ok, it's fine. It's life.

I do hope you can get this resolved and your hubby will be back on track and able bodied again shortly, in the meantime, ask for help - PLEASE?

HUGS Embersidhe
ps: update us and let us know how this is going?

~I have spread my dreams under your feet-
tread softly, for you tread on my dreams~-

~W.B. Yeats~
JMAR63 Posts: 30
10/2/08 9:57 P

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Ally,
You might want to check out a website and make a phone call to a company called Allsup. They are helping me, and they have a 97% success rate in getting people awarded their disability. I think my LTD insurance is using them, but they are worth the call. They do all my leg work. They can even go to court on your behalf. Please at least check them out. It would be worth the phone call. I don't know what I would do without them. My LTD insurance company informed me that I HAD to apply for SSD. These people are lifesavers for me.
Jeannie

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YARNWENCH's Photo YARNWENCH SparkPoints: (0)
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10/2/08 9:27 P

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Ally: I would concider up his backside before anything else. He really needs to see what you are going through. Without that he won't understand. Dodie

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ALLYK1's Photo ALLYK1 Posts: 27
10/1/08 8:46 P

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Thanks for the support! You can imagine how important that is to me. I have tried taking him to PT with me. I think I'm just going to have to put my foot down (or up his backside) and make him go. We shall see.

Hugs to you also!
Ally

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NEEDTOLOSE22's Photo NEEDTOLOSE22 SparkPoints: (13,829)
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10/1/08 8:35 P

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ALLYK,

How unfortunate it is for you to have so much pain and not get support. That's tough. Hopefully you will get approved for disability quickly. I was out of work after my surgery for almost 6 months with 1/2 salary. It took a lot of praying and acceptance to get through that. I am fortunate that I still can work but sometimes it is touch and go.
I still will always suggest that you take your husband to PT or next time you go the your MD and have them explain your condition. No matter what you can't do anything that is going to impair you any more. From your description I can only imagine the discomfort you are in when you try to do any household chores.
Hugs to you emoticon

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ALLYK1's Photo ALLYK1 Posts: 27
10/1/08 10:28 A

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My husband just had surgery on his elbow, so he is feeling some pain himself. He just thinks that since I am home all day (I worked until mid-July 2008 until I could no longer tolerate the pain), that I should be able to keep the house clean. I have several herniated discs and do pt 2x/week. If I am on my feet more than a few minutes, the pain is so excruciating, that I feel sick to my stomach! To do dishes, I have to lay across the kitchen sink. To cook supper, I have to sit on a stool and move frequently because sitting is painful for more than a few minutes. I think he thinks I'm just lazy and don't care, and that really hurts. I have always worked and done MANY DIY projects in and around our home. We are now living on 1/2 of our normal income (since I can't work anymore). I'm still working on disability, but from what I understand, it takes forever! In the meantime, I'm behind on the car payment, and not sure how we're going to pay the bills! I know the stress of the situation only makes the pain worse, but I don't know what I can do. He keeps telling me I need to get a job. Who in their right mind would hire someone who can't be still for more than 2 or 3 minutes and cannot work for more than 10-15 minutes at a time!

OK, I'm whining again!

You all are so helpful. I feel like I have FINALLY found someone who understands my pain. Gotta go. Time to change positions!
Ally

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MUIN64's Photo MUIN64 SparkPoints: (40,415)
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9/29/08 5:20 P

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It took my hubby having a herniated disk of his own (in his neck) to get a clue. I wouldn't have wished it on him for anything, but having his own health issues has made him much more understanding. Our issues aren't really about housekeeping, but are more like the person with friends who just don't "get" it. No, I don't want to go backpacking with a bunch of people this weekend...no, I can't contort myself to get into the back seat of that little car...and, no, I can't always walk up to the third floor of our house without wanting to cry.

Luckily, the housework thing is not part of the equation for us, much. We got married as a couple of old bachelors, and had our own habits set. So we each do our own laundry, cook our own meals (or offer to cook for the other when we have enough to share), and pick up (or not) after ourselves. The only thing I really have to worry about is the deep cleaning, because somehow, even though I'm a slob, I do sometimes want everything really CLEAN. I just hired a housekeeper, so even that will be taken care of, thank goodness.

-Marie

Proud member of the Hogwarts Team, Slytherin House


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KMCDOWELL12's Photo KMCDOWELL12 Posts: 4,184
9/29/08 12:24 P

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I understand completely! My husband will help around the house and take care of things until he is in pain for some reason. Then it doesn't matter I have to take over no matter how I feel. I understand he is hurting, but so am I why is his pain more important than mine?

Kaye


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HOUNDPUPPY's Photo HOUNDPUPPY Posts: 356
9/28/08 6:44 P

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I think it is okay to have a whining session. They say that women are the weaker vessel but sometimes men are just pitiful. I don't think anyone can understand back problems unless they have a it. I hurt so bad in my neck that if I don't take my pain meds I start throwing up until I have to go to the e-room to be treated. No Fun!! It is true your house cleaning does not seem to important when you are shaking with pain from a herniated disc. It seems like our hubby's sometimes have to be reminded that it is impossible for us to do the things that healthy people can do. Remind Hubby that you Love him very much, but you are not his mother. I would imagine anyone that works a full time job and keeps an immaculate house does not have the severe pain that you have either. Hang in there!! I know how you feel. Some days are better than others. About the time I think my Hubby doesn't understand he will help me with laundry or cook breakfast and that makes me feel quite a bit better. I pray that your Hubby will help you mor and understand your pain.

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9/28/08 6:17 P

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Dodie,

Way to go!! I love your attitude. I really need to develop more of your outlook. I do well for a few months and then I just want everything to look perfect. I can clean maybe 15 minutes at a time and rest an hour and then 15 minutes and back to resting but then I still my pay a huge price the next day. Like you I am beginning to think that the price is just too high to pay. My husband is very helpful and he would do even more if I would just ask him.


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LARAE329's Photo LARAE329 Posts: 2,900
9/28/08 2:22 P

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Hi, I am not married, but my immediate family understand and have been very supportive. I find that my friends don't really understand. If we go out they will want to do these long walks that I can't do with my back pain. They will suggest we do things that they know I can't do. I just tell them you go ahead but I won't be able to make it, then they will suggest something I can do. Its almost like they are testing me to see if I am being honest about my pain.

Know God Know Peace; No God No Peace


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JMAR63 Posts: 30
9/28/08 11:39 A

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My husband understands more than anyone because he can see what I go through day to day.
My mom, not so much. I told her that my ruptured disk is hurting so bad. (I told her about this place and how good it is for me.) My dad just doesn't want to see me hurt. Son is understanding and so is my sister. My mom told me this morning (on our daily phone call) to just not think about it. There is no way in....you guys know, that I can't not think about it. If I stand up at all today, the pain is unbearable. Sitting is okay, I can deal. I guess my mom just doesn't to think about what's going on with me. I guess she is trying to protect herself. I don't know anymore.
I am so glad I was invited to this site. You all here make it more tolerable and I feel a great deal of support.
Jeannie emoticon

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9/28/08 1:21 A

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Hi all, I must be the most blessed woman in the world. My husband was a Navy hospital corpsman for 30 years (similar to an Army medic) and understands pain (he was on the ground with the Marines during Viet Nam). He understands what is going on with me, goes with me to all my doctors appointments and does what housework gets done.

I have decided that housework is not nearly as important as the pain in my back when I try to do anything. I can stand up about 3-5 mins. and can walk about 60-100 feet at a time. I can't even dust and have given up trying.

We keep talking about getting someone in to clean, but after 7-10 years the house is pretty messy and has some piles that need to go down into the garage. We will get them taken care of someday then will get someone (we are both procrastinators!). We don't have bugs or rodents or anything like that, just lots and lots of clutter and dust.

I used to be a perfectionist, but this is just not me anymore and my husband really understands, but he doesn't get the corners or those other places that women were taught to clean when we were kids, so that's not done anymore.

Don't sweat the small stuff, your health is more important than the dust. And for the mom with all the children and grandchildren living with you, sit down with them, explain what's going on with you and give them the chores to do. Don't even try to do it yourself, it's just not worth it.

There, I'll put my soapbox away now and go back to my knitting! Dodie

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9/27/08 10:23 P

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Hi Ally & 1Lillybeth,

I wonder if it would help for you doctors to talk with you husbands. I hope I never need a neuro-surgeon again but I do go to a back doctor to manage the pain. lol last time I was there a month ago he told my husband to take the mop away from me. I use to go by myself but it has really been beneficial for dh to hear too. My husband retired a few years ago and that has helped but when he cleans he only hits the top spots and once every couple of months I have to do deep cleaning. I hurt my back every time I do it so I'm beginning to figure out it just isn't worth it.

I don't know what I would do if there were more than just the two of us. That has got to be really hard.



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ALLYK1's Photo ALLYK1 Posts: 27
9/27/08 9:25 P

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My PT made me watch a video about lifting and bending, but told me not to do any yet. My pt only helps for an hour or so, and then I'm in just as much or more pain! When I do try to do things around the house, I wind up hurting so much that I have to spend the rest of the day in bed! In addition to my husband and myself there are 5 other people living here: my step-daughter (22), her two kids (5 & 3), my youngest son (16) and our daughter (10). I guess you can tell we have a blended family.

Like you, I hate to ask for help. I'm the wife/mother, and I'm suppose to take care of my family. They shouldn't have to take care of me! It's so frustrating! Instead of seeing what I have accomplished, all he sees is what I haven't! It's not wonder I'm depressed. emoticon

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1LILLYBETH's Photo 1LILLYBETH Posts: 5
9/27/08 8:27 P

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Yes I can relate! Sounds like you & I had a similar day! I love my husband but he is old school too. I am an old woman's libber from the 70's so you can image we have a few moments! He doesn't understands my limitations at all. He THINKS he does and will fuss if I do something that is on his list of things he thinks I shouldn't do. And thinks I should be able to do things I have been told not to! An example: I always do my PT in the mornings and nights and he usually is asleep. One night he stayed up. I am going through my exercises. I noticed his odd expression. He finally asked me if I was doing all those "movements" because I was in pain... LOL!!! And told me that I should stop doing them before I really hurt myself. Well, I got to laughing so hard I had to stop. It felt pretty good to tell him that I was doing dr approved PT that I do 2 times a day when he is fast asleep! AS for the housework my husband really doesn't help out to much there. He does keep the yard up and takes the trash out. If I ask he will do a things but you are right we shouldn't have to ask! But unfortunately we have to. It really hurts my pride to ask for help. There are things that I have stopped doing. Like folding his clothes. They get put on his side of the bed for him to do what he will with them. I have a young daughter who I just hate to say sorry honey mommy hurts to bad to do it. She is pretty good about it. Also ask your PT about them teaching you the proper way to do things around the house. Mine taught me how to vacuum safely, how to pick stuff off the floor etc.

Edited by: 1LILLYBETH at: 9/27/2008 (20:25)
ALLYK1's Photo ALLYK1 Posts: 27
9/27/08 5:57 P

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Ok, I don't want to start a war or a whining session, but I really need some help. My husband is laid up right now.... just had surgery on his elbow. He doesn't understand why the house isn't clean, or why the laundry isn't done.
We live in a split level house. The upper level is where our bedroom, kitchen and living room are. The laundry room is downstairs. (I use a cane and cannot carry the basket up the stairs.)

He has taken me to have nerves in my back and hips burned, and for multiple steroid epidurals. He knows my pain is real, but I don't think he understands the limitations. I am one that cannot sit or stand for more than a few minutes. If I am sitting, I can shift my position frequently, so the pressure points change. My arms tire very easily... so much so that I can barely knit or crochet anymore.... two things I taught myself to do and get a lot of enjoyment from! It takes me 30-45 minutes to fold one load of laundry.
He knows I cannot lift, bend or twist, but how do I get him to understand how difficult it is to live with this constant pain in my back, neck, shoulders, arms and legs? My PT told me not to bend, mop, sweep or vacuum because of the strain on my back.

Most days I feel like I've been hit with a Mac Truck, but I barrel roll out of bed to get the kids to school (sometimes in my nightshirt and pants or shorts)!

OK, I'm whining. Can anyone relate? How do you deal with it? I need some help before I smack the fire out of him! He is very old fashioned, and his mother worked a full time job and kept an immaculate house. According to him, his mother could do EVERYTHING!!!

Thanks for letting me vent and for any advice/suggestions.

Edited by: ALLYK1 at: 9/27/2008 (17:57)
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