The best thing is to be completely honest in marriage prep. with one another. PreCana is nice as well since you can talk one on one with a couple in their home. However, you will have q and a time in a group setting too. You can always pull aside the presenters to ask questions if you do not want to ask in front of others. We always had participants write down questions anonymously on paper and answered them with an attending priest for the whole audience. It was very helpful because most people have the same questions. In fact, tons of people in your same boat.
I will tell you what we told all couples. Have the faith you are going to raise your children in agreed upon before you get married. Those who do are very happy they did. If you do not, you will find it much more difficult to address later. Statistically, if you take the approach to let the kids decide, they will end up believing in nothing.
Some other things that our participants worked on in marriage prep: How many children do you both want? How much money do you feel each other can spend without asking? Will one of you stay home with children and not work or will you put them in daycare? Whose relatives will you visit during holidays? etc...This is the perfect time to talk about those things before you make that lifelong commitment. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and I will be praying for you.
I will leave you with a funny story we used to tell the couples. For years, I would wash my car by myself. I hated a dirty car. I noticed that my husband would let me slave out in driveway washing our car. This started to weigh on me. Why is he not helping me wash our car? Years went by, and I could not keep it in any longer. I asked him, why don't you ever wash our car? I explained to him, my dad always washed my moms car for her. He replied, I have never seen my dad wash a car in his life. I said, what???? He continued, my mom washed the cars. Again, I said, what???? He assured me it was true. In his home, his mom washed the cars. She was a clean freak and preferred to do it herself. To her it was an extension of the home. In my home, my dad did those things. My grandfather owned a car dealership and my dad always kept our cars pristine. We had never discussed it ever. Who would think to, right? It caused a lot of arguments, for years, between us because we had never told one another these things. We finally came to the realization that we would have to come to an agreement if we were not going to end up divorced. He recognized that I liked a clean car and wanted me to have that. No problem. He agreed that we would spend the money to have the cars cleaned, and I agreed not to harass him anymore. Something so small, but something that caused us years of scrabbling. Who would of thought? May God Bless you and your fiancé with many insightful moments as you approach this beautiful sacrement.
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