SparkPeople Stepmom Sparks, Instant First Time Moms Team Messageboard We are a team for instant first time Moms; Stepmothers who do not have our own biological children. Come here for support, encouragement, help, venting and bragging space, and fulfilling challenges. SparkPeople Stepmom Sparks, Instant First Time Moms Team Messageboard January Challenge Hey everyone! I encourage all of you to check out the January Jump Start challenge. You can find the team for it here:<BR>art <BR> <BR> Some info: This challenge includes daily drawings for prizes, but also includes a daily committment to exercise. The challenge is to do 5 30-minute cardio workouts per week, along with a 10 minute exercise video 7 days per week. The videos are all sculpting/toning videos, except for day 1, and they are typically 10 ... Tue, 27 Dec 2011 09:57:17 EST Halloween?? So how was everyone's Halloween? <BR> <BR> Did you have the kids? If so what did you do? <BR> <BR> My DH and I only had EPG (our 12 year old son). We dressed up as Clark Kent, Lois Lane, and Jimmy Olsen. He actually was an awesome Jimmy Olsen. I think the thing he liked the best about the whole thing was getting to use Dad's old camera (35mm)... <BR> <BR> <em>247</em> Tue, 1 Nov 2011 15:01:11 EST Not sure if this will make a difference.... ... but I finally convinced FI to put his foot down with the boys' mother. She can go from perfectly civil to raging, irrational bitch fast enough to make your head spin (I know mine is spinning often after an "encounter" with her). The lastest (and last straw for me) was picking the boys up last Friday. FI went to the door, the little guy (5 yo) wanted to show him something so Jeff stepped in and their mother said, seemingly out of nowhere, and in front of the boys, "I don't want you in here... Thu, 20 Oct 2011 13:50:04 EST Troubles at the other house We changed our custody agreement over the summer - we now have shared custody, every other week And it has been great. My stepson has really gotten more comfortable being with us, we are definitely more of a family unit than we used to be. But when he isn't with us, he's having some emotional outbursts. At his mother's house, he is the oldest of two siblings 3 and 7, and recently had two cousins move into the house 4 and 6 I think. He is 10, 11 next month (OMG!) I feel confident that his ... Mon, 10 Oct 2011 10:17:46 EST Competition? Does anyone else feel like they're competing with biomom? I know it's immature but I often find myself going overboard with things (like birthday parties, etc) because I feel like I have to do stuff better than the boys' mom. I'm rather (ok, very) competitive by nature so it's not like this is a foreign feeling to me. But, in this circumstance, I guess I worry that I'm wasting too much energy on things that ultimately don't matter. It's not like I'm really trying to one-up her, and I know tha... Fri, 23 Sep 2011 10:28:38 EST issues remembering to appreciate your partner? I'm starting to get into some hard-core wedding planning. <BR> <BR> Got the dress last weekend, which was an unusual experience. I've done this before. But this is the first time I brought a guy with me. And not just any guy. My FI. I had seen the dress the weekend before, but it was going to need some alterations and I wanted to meet with the seamstress before I made the decision to buy it. My mother and one of my girlfriends were going to come along and weigh in before I bought it (assumi... Wed, 14 Sep 2011 15:07:11 EST Soccer I'm having a blast coaching Brian's soccer team. And Jeff seems to having a lot of fun "assistant coaching" as well. Had another practice last night and our first game on Saturday. We scheduled the practices so they are at the same time and at the same park as Kevin's practice. Since we only have them two week nights - Monday and Tuesday - and Brian starts piano lessons tonight, keeping their practices at the same time was really important. Theoretically, I could have done it on one of mom's ... Tue, 6 Sep 2011 15:53:47 EST I do like the title "Coach" more than "Queen Anne" So, even though we originally decided that schedule wise and given the issues in dealing with the boys' mother, I'd wait until next year to be assistant coach on one of their soccer teams, turns out I'm going to be head coach on Brian's (the oldest) soccer team. First practice is Monday. <BR> <BR> Jeff got an email yesterday afternoon that no one (at all - even an assistant) signed up to coach. No coach = no soccer for Brian. He's really athletic (cyclist) but isn't in to "sports" AT ALL. I... Fri, 26 Aug 2011 12:33:20 EST Girls Choir and the practice team It's the only second day of school for our daughter and the extracurricular activities are underway. <BR> <BR> She tried out yesterday for the 5th - 8th grade girls choir (she is now in 5th grade) at her school and made it. She is walking around like a peacock (I guess that would be peahen). We are proud of her, she worked so hard over the summer and I guess it paid off. <BR> <BR> MAG (our 15 year old) tried out for football but unfortunately he did not make first string. To be honest we we... Thu, 18 Aug 2011 22:59:36 EST Need Some Ideas Hello All! <BR> <BR> First, I will be cross-posting this blog to lots of forums in my SparkTeams, so if any of my friends are in the same groups I am, no worries, responses to one group or another will suffice. Also, I'm sorry if seeing the same ideas/threads/posts gets old. Sometimes the “small world phenomena” isn’t so much fun. <BR> <BR> I am in need of some ideas here. I recently ended a relationship and moved from Virginia back to my hometown in Iowa. For the past year, I have been lar... Wed, 17 Aug 2011 22:26:38 EST Weekends What are your weekends like? Do you have kids with you? What do you usually do? How do you manage your healthy goals over the weekend? Fri, 12 Aug 2011 11:24:58 EST Flexibility and Uncertainty How do you handle the uncertainties of our lives and being flexible? I know I bring most of my stress on to myself at times but this past month have been tough on me. <BR> <BR> Many of you probably already know that it was sprung on us out of the blue at the beginning of July that our oldest two sons were going to move back to their Mom's this next school year. <BR> <BR> Now that this has been confirmed we have been trying to get our "visitation" schedule set back up. This is still in limb... Tue, 9 Aug 2011 12:16:54 EST mixed results Went to see the counselor yesterday, it was okay. Nothing earth shattering but she did say that I am trying to take on too much so early in my relationship with the boys. She said it's great that I want to be involved and great that Jeff wants me to be so involved and backs me up, but getting used to just living with them is a huge adjustment, much less "parenting" them given I'm playing catch-up. There's a lot of history that I wasn't part of. <BR> <BR> The counselor actually thought I was... Thu, 21 Jul 2011 11:10:46 EST Update to yesterday's freak out I was feeling better today, until the ex turned on me again. Anytime an issue comes up btw her and FI regarding the kids, her response is "I'm not discussing this." She emailed me about shorts for the little one, I responded, and mentioned my concern about the older one's comment that "Mom said it's okay for us to not wear our bike helmets but we need to watch for your car or Dad's car" I told her I was concerned that he might take this to mean it's okay to break the rules as long as you don'... Thu, 14 Jul 2011 17:16:55 EST Please tell me this is normal.... I wouldn't say I'm really having second thoughts about marrying FI, or becoming a step-mom, but sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing for them and for me. Okay, I guess that would be second thoughts. The boys are great when they're with us, but when they come back from their mom's (it's 50/50), they're little monsters and it takes a day or two to de-program them. I get so frustrated with the lack of structure, rules and general parenting over there and the impact that it has on our ... Wed, 13 Jul 2011 10:40:46 EST Support - from home and from others I am finding that I have excellent support on my journey at home. My DH is excellent in this regards, even the kids try to be supportive. <BR> <BR> But I am finding that I seem to be getting less and less support at work (where I spend so much of my days). If anything it is the complete opposite. People are insisting at times that I just have one piece of cake or if the boss is buying lunch have what everybody else is having. Things like that. I do feel bad that I am not "participating", bu... Tue, 12 Jul 2011 15:05:34 EST Father's Day So what is everyone doing for Father's Day this year? <BR> <BR> We aren't going to have the kids on Father's Day (never do, since their bio-mom has a yearly family reunion she takes them to at that time) so we are celebrating this weekend. Also my DH's birthday is at the end of the month so it is a combined celebratory event. He knows we are doing something but doesn't know any real details... <BR> <BR> I have such a hard time keeping secrets; it is killing me.... <BR> <BR> <BR> <em>247<... Fri, 10 Jun 2011 00:29:46 EST Summer Plans I was wondering what everyone has planned for the summer? What are your arrangements with the kids etc? <BR> <BR> For me, my brother is getting married in July so DH and I will be going to the central coast of California for a mini vacation. <BR> <BR> Unfortunately we will not be having the kids that much until the end of July probably. They are going out of state with their Mom to visit her aunt and uncle in Idaho. <BR> <BR> Part of me is looking forward to some child free time since we h... Thu, 9 Jun 2011 23:36:45 EST How would you have responded? The talk around the bank I work in all week has been my engagement over the weekend. Everyone knows the situation - I'm marrying a guy with two kids and I'm very involved with them. One of the older women in the bank made what was supposed to be an off-hand comment about how she thought it was tacky when her ex's (she was divorced about 30 years ago) new wife had a family portrait done with her kids. That really bugged me. Of course I don't know the details of her situation, nor do I really c... Wed, 8 Jun 2011 15:02:24 EST coaching step-son's soccer team? The 7 year old will be doing soccer this fall on the rec department's fall league. It's 6 weeks on Saturdays. Since we have him every other weekend, that means his mom will be taking him to half the games and we will be taking him to the other half. They're looking for "parent" volunteers to coach. I played soccer as a kid and coaching actually sounds like a lot of fun. There is no way she would do it (she does as little as possible) and their dad isn't terribly interested in coaching but is ... Tue, 31 May 2011 12:23:25 EST Mother's Day My DH and I are going out of town this weekend to go visit his Mother. I will be away from my computer so I wanted to do this early, while I had time. <BR> <BR> First; I want to wish all of our members Happy Mother's Day. I am not sure how it is with you; but this is one of the hardest; if not the hardest; day of the year for me. <BR> <BR> I know I am the adult but my feelings still get hurt. Not having my "own" kids I miss out on the holiday pretty much all together. In the past five years... Fri, 6 May 2011 00:09:26 EST For your wedding were the kids involved? Today is my and my DH's 3rd wedding anniversary. In reflection of my celebration of today; I have a question for the group. <BR> <BR> What did you do in your wedding or what do you plan to do in your wedding involving the kids? Share any stories. Good, bad, crazy. Whatever... <BR> <BR> In our wedding my DH's kids were our wedding party. We did a sand ceremony to unify our new family. And I gave vows to the kids in addition to my vows to my DH. Also, for us one of the biggest memories are re... Tue, 3 May 2011 16:05:09 EST Drama, no really as in High School Play I want to brag a little bit. My oldest son who is 17 and is our high functioning autistic son has decided to participate in the Spring Drama production next month. His High School is performing Peter Pan in May. He is going to be an Indian and one of the Lost Boys. <BR> <BR> We are very proud for him for even trying. He is going to be crazy busy this next month though. <BR> <BR> See, drama isn't always bad... <BR> <BR> <em>247</em> Fri, 29 Apr 2011 23:14:38 EST New group to supplement the other Stepmom groups I created this group for a place for Stepmoms without bio kids to come together. <BR> <BR> We have so many unique things we deal with. I wanted a place that was ours that we could vent, brag, rant, ask questions. Whatever we need. <BR> <BR> Please join me in this journey together. <BR> <BR> <em>247</em> Mon, 18 Apr 2011 18:59:50 EST