SparkPeople Moving Forward Through Grief and Loss Team Messageboard This team is for anyone going through the loss of a loved one or grieving in some way over Lifes challenges... While, also trying to lose weight at the same time. SparkPeople Moving Forward Through Grief and Loss Team Messageboard Angel Mom Never in my lifetime did I imagine I'd be writing a post like this, or the ones I've written in the last 19 days. That's how long it's been since my baby (our 5th) was born and taken from us. <BR> <BR> For just over 40 weeks, she was healthy and perfect. She was born perfect. <BR> <BR> But, she was born with a congenital diaphragmatic hernia (CDH), a condition that effects roughly 1600 babies/families in the US each year and has only a 50% survival rate. We didn't know she had this until ... Sun, 13 May 2018 12:23:19 EST VISITATIONS - Loves in Spirit (dreams -meditation) <BR> <BR> Have you been visited by your loved ones... Sun, 11 Mar 2018 15:28:59 EST CANDLE LIGHTing Keeping the candle of LOVE lit <BR> <BR> for our LOVES in SPIRIT <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> Wed, 14 Feb 2018 13:34:14 EST Share a Positive Memory or Moment <BR> <BR> Share something Positive... through Words... Emoticons... pics etc.... Sat, 21 Jan 2017 10:37:23 EST Rainbow Bridge <BR> <BR> Grieving our Furry Family members Fri, 20 Jan 2017 20:11:34 EST What Life Issue are you GRIEVING <BR> <BR> We all know that grief comes through many life experiences... <BR> <BR> Our loved ones dying is most observed... <BR> <BR> When Ever our Realty Changes... it triggers the Grief Process... <BR> <BR> such as... a loss of a job.... even Starting a job... <BR> <BR> moving.... selling a car... geting a new car..... and the list goes on..... <BR> <BR> sometimes just identifying our Grief issue... can help us move forward.... <BR> <BR> <BR> Fri, 20 Jan 2017 20:00:13 EST MEMORIALs (holidays Rememberance days) <BR> <BR> honoring our LOVEs in Spirit Fri, 20 Jan 2017 19:52:44 EST Please share any Articles, books, etc. on Grief <BR> Please Feel free to share any Articles, books, advice, etc. on Grief <BR> that you think may help others through the grieving process...... <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Fri, 20 Jan 2017 19:40:36 EST Lost a sister A little over 2 years ago I lost my sister Suzanne that I loved so much she was my inspiration and motivation for getting myself healthy. I now weigh 231 im trying to get back to what I was before she died which was under 200. I am a work in progress yet i know i can do it Tue, 17 Jan 2017 23:30:10 EST Angel Blessings Our Dear TeamMate, Deby, is the inspiration for this thread. Post anything you feel for angel hugs, your inner child, or anything that makes you feel better. Thank you Deby!!! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Fri, 30 Dec 2016 20:24:33 EST Healing through Meditation I found a great link that I hope is helpful. I can only do it a few minutes at a time. But very helpful!! <em>247</em> <em>247</em> <em>247</em> <em>247</em> <BR> <BR> <link><BR>hcOFb9k </link> This link wouldn't go through, but the one below will, if you copy and paste it in your browser. <em>247</em> <BR> <BR><BR>b9k Fri, 30 Dec 2016 20:04:18 EST Deby's Cloud~ Hanging with my Angels ~ Hi... My name is Deby... <BR> <BR> <BR> and my list of Loves in Spirit (Angels) is very <BR> <BR> I thought I would find a Cloud over here and hang out from time to time... <BR> <BR> <em>27</em> (just a caution... sometimes the clouds leak with tears) <em>27</em> <BR> <BR> My Uncle Passed last week.... This time of year can be very rough.... a reminder <BR> <BR> that many have left this Earth Realm.... I am thankfilled for the LOVE that i know <BR> <BR> is livi... Tue, 27 Dec 2016 10:13:43 EST Grief with losing a beloved pet Here is a site that I hope is helpful when you lose your beloved pet. <em>247</em> <em>247</em> <em>247</em> <em>247</em> <BR> <BR> <link> </link> Thu, 22 Dec 2016 19:19:30 EST Prayers & Meditation for Strength & Hope <link><BR>UNmjXlY </link> Fri, 19 Aug 2016 19:31:57 EST Letter or Notes to your Loved One I thought it would help in our healing to send a letter or more to our loved ones that have passed. Please feel free to write your feelings. I was told this was extremely helpful. I'll start. <BR> <BR> Dear Bob: <BR> <BR> I just want you to know what a great brother you are and were. You have helped me through many hard times as a teenager. When you joined the Air Force, I didn't see you as much, and you had been married with 2 small children. The thing that changed it all for our family, w... Wed, 17 Aug 2016 17:13:23 EST Lost a brother I'd really like to get this team started again. I just lost a brother and working through the grief process. Tue, 16 Aug 2016 09:21:09 EST Lost my son It's only been three months since I lost my son and it's an unbearable pain for me. I have six kids and he was my fourth child. He died at 18 years old from a cardiac arrest and I'm so depressed. I wake up so sad realizing he is not here. I have been up and down with my weight and that past two years I was really into consistent work outs but when my son passed, I stopped all of it. It seems all I want to do is be with my other kids and eat to fill that void. I miss him so much and I still ha... Tue, 8 Jul 2014 11:19:31 EST Good Morning All! Hi everyone. My name is Jennifer. I've been an on-again-off-again Sparkpeople member for years now and it has helped me in so many ways. After being hospitalized for about a month, being pumped full of steroids to gain about 25lbs and losing my baby girl in the end my days are always a surprise. I find it extremely difficult to get out of bed some days, let alone exercise and eat anything other than jelly beans. My husband feels better after exercising, especially after gaining a big ole bell... Sat, 19 Apr 2014 10:03:29 EST Birthdays! I thought it would be nice to post our birthdays. <BR> <BR> Peggy--May 31st Wed, 28 Aug 2013 13:16:44 EST Let's count DOWN from 10000 10000 Thu, 22 Aug 2013 11:15:41 EST A to Z cities Denver, Colorado Sat, 17 Aug 2013 15:30:06 EST Change one letter to make a new word make Sat, 17 Aug 2013 15:28:49 EST Actor / Movie Ok - here's how this works... you pick an actor and name a movie he/she was in, the next person picks an actor that was in the previous movie and names a different movie the new actor was in and so on.... <BR> <BR> <BR> Forest Whitaker, who played in "The Butler" along with: Fri, 16 Aug 2013 08:29:33 EST A to Z things you find in the refrigerator Apples Thu, 8 Aug 2013 13:02:18 EST Boys names A to Z Alfred Thu, 8 Aug 2013 11:52:53 EST Let's give our teammates hugs today! <em>247</em> <em>220</em> Thu, 8 Aug 2013 11:51:53 EST Hi! New to this group... Hi! I'm new to this group - I lost my four ppl extremely close to me this year already, a friend in Feb, a friend in Apr, my husband in June and grandfather in July. <BR> <BR> On top of all my pain, I decided to quit smoking *been month and a half*, and now work on my weight... I'm thinking of joining our local "tops" group, but need to do some more investigating... <BR> <BR> I've decided to start here first... any thoughts or suggestions or just a hi would be greatly appreciated! Thanks,... Wed, 7 Aug 2013 22:27:19 EST Hi My name is Tabatha and I just lost my dad to cancer in March. I'm hoping to be able to meet some people that I feel safe talking with and begin the healing process. Tue, 6 Aug 2013 04:02:20 EST Wal-Mart items A to Z Apples Sat, 3 Aug 2013 16:59:14 EST Girls names A to Z Alene Sat, 3 Aug 2013 16:58:21 EST Leaders Is there anyone who would be willing to lead this team with me? I believe this team is very much needed for people who are grieving! I don't feel like I could do it alone. Wed, 31 Jul 2013 09:19:39 EST I am new! I am Peggy & my husband/best friend passed away July 3, 2013 after battling esophageal cancer for 3 years. I have good & bad days since. Tue, 30 Jul 2013 12:08:02 EST How do you get through the really bad days? Surely I can't be the only one that has those days. How do you get through those days when grief is weighing you down and you feel like it takes every ounce of strength you have to just function? Sometimes I have days that I feel like I've been hit with a wave of grief and it just takes me down. They seem to be more frequent lately. I don't know how to explain it but it's like I have flashbacks. I don't even know what to call them but for lack of a better word I call them flashbacks. In 8 mo... Fri, 5 Apr 2013 22:10:55 EST UNKNOWN AUTHOR Someone else posted this brief message on an online grief support site I found recently, after reading, I thought how true it is of my feelings of what I have been going thru for the last almost 2 years and I felt so relieved that someone else had been able to put into words all that I had been feeling and so I decided if it made me feel so good perhaps it might help others so I decided to post it here. I hope it helps others as much as it helped me, I cried, but it was tears not so much of ... Sun, 27 Jan 2013 00:05:03 EST An awful year... Hi, my name is Shelley. I joined spark people about 1 1/2 years ago and did pretty well until my world started to fall apart. Around this time last year my dad was diagnosed with cancer. I pretty much became his care giver as my mother was not able to completely care for him but she did help. He passed away January 5th 2012. My life became all about juggling my own family and helping my mother who was of course very depressed and helping my sister with MS who began having a string of seizures... Wed, 14 Nov 2012 20:38:28 EST Hello Hello. My name is Kevin Talley. My wife passed away on Aug 30th. She started getting sick in Sept. 2010 and quickly progressed to being unable to walk or care for herself. She was not diagnosed with cancer until late April of 2011. She went on Hospice in Sept. 2011. <BR> <BR> I had lost my job a year before this started and she lost hers a little before it started. I coped with all pretty well, while caring for her. I had a lot of stress and a couple of panic attacks and I even had a few ti... Wed, 10 Oct 2012 11:47:40 EST A sign of Hope I joined this team this morning because I was so sad about losing my mother a month ago and felt like my friends didn't understand. I was in a lot of pain. Afterwards, while I was walking the dogs, a Monarch butterfly rested on my pink rain jacket for just a moment. I was awestruck, as the Monarch is my favorite creature and a symbol of the many transformations in my life. It wasn't until it flew away and I started walking again that I wondered if that could be my mother's work. She knew... Tue, 2 Oct 2012 22:07:24 EST My name is Lisa I wanted to be in a team that understood. I have had many losses but most recently my Mom on August 16th. Someone told me yesterday that it was time to get back to normal . But what is normal? Normal would be for me to go over to her house this afternoon and have apple crisp she had just made and discuss the new paint colors I need to choose for my living room wall. I am stuck and can't move on! Tue, 2 Oct 2012 09:27:40 EST ???????? made me smile today! Share something that brought a smile to your face today. We really want to know!!!! <BR> <BR> <em>334</em> <em>334</em> <em>334</em> <em>334</em> <em>334</em> <em>334</em> <em>334</em> Sun, 30 Sep 2012 17:23:21 EST Hello I just joined this group. I thought that others that have suffered loss would understand why some days I just don't have the energy to workout. I have had so many losses in my life. My best friend when I was 17, my dad when I was 21, my husband when I was 27 and now my 17 year old son at age 35. My son is the hardest loss and was only the end of April when he died by taking his own life. He was actually my stepson but I never considered him that and neither did he. I was just mom and he was j... Thu, 13 Sep 2012 14:56:23 EST Hello Team! Hello Team, <BR> <BR> I'm brand new to SparkPeople and I'm glad to be here. I'm working through the loss of 2 sons. both died at 17, 15 years apart. I'm seeing a psychologist that wants me working out 6 days a week. That'll be quite a challenge since I wasn't doing a fitness program previously. Best of luck to everyone here and God's blessings over us all. <BR> <BR> Van Wed, 6 Jun 2012 16:56:16 EST Intro... Just joined this team today, as I realized that the teams that I've joined in the past aren't as applicable today as they were 1, 2 years ago. I'm going to copy and paste from my latest blog entry... (I'm a teacher, and the end of the year refers to the end of the school year...) <BR> <BR> "2 years later, I'm edging up to that "overweight by BMI" line. I didn't think I was ready to start the process again - this school year has been horrific. I took 2 semesters of French, which kicked my but... Mon, 28 May 2012 20:30:21 EST Mothers Day My mother passed last year and this is my first mothers day without her. Im not sure how to get through it. I have broken down at work already several times so far this week, and all i want to do is go home and sleep so i dont have to feel. Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do , or how to celebrate and enjoy the day, instead of crying or sleeping the whole day away Tue, 8 May 2012 11:46:39 EST Bad week Lost Dad 7 weeks ago. <BR> Had such a bad week, I am so crabby with people. I just wanted to stay in bed. Had to force myself into going to work this week. At least I went but wasn't one of my most productive weeks. <BR> I am not a crier, but that all I want to do. Went to a support group last night but that just made me cry more. When is this going to end? <BR> I still haven't packed up Dad's stuff yet. So many decisions to make, can't focus and feel so alone. <BR> Talking about it do... Thu, 3 May 2012 19:00:03 EST When Does the pain go away? Hello my name is Laura , I am new to this team and grateful to have found it. Last June I lost my mother, and im still trying to cope with this. Sometimes i feel like i cannot breathe. Grief seems to hit me out of nowhere. One minute i am fine and the next minute I am a complete wreck. I just wish the pain i felt would go away. there are so many times when i would just pray to dream of my mother for sometype of comfort. lately i have not been eating much. I knot that my body is in need of nut... Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:38:04 EST Lost my sister last Tuesday I'm new here but just going to jump in. I was a member of spark people once before and deleted my account when my aunt died. I felt I was just too busy to keep up with it. I had lost almost 100 pounds before she died and I've gained back about 45. :( <BR> <BR> I just lost my sister last tuesday and went to her funeral yesterday. She was 40 years old and had a heart attack. Her 15 year old son came home from school and found her. I am afraid of what is going to happen now. I don't wan... Tue, 24 Apr 2012 23:35:32 EST A helpful article... A couple days ago, I read an article here on SparkPeople. It was called Good Grief, by Dean Anderson. Most of the information in the article I had read before. As I started the article I thought "Yeah, yeah - same old info, just rehashed. I'll just read it & get my points." To my surprise, it was pretty good. I saved it to my favorites and have read it a couple times. <BR> <BR> In case you haven't read it yet, here is the link. <BR><BR>ness_arti... Sat, 3 Mar 2012 13:50:48 EST The loss of my bonus boy... My boyfriend & I have been together for 14 years. We have a blended family, my 3 children and his only child. The kids have grown up together and are just like brothers & sisters. <BR> <BR> On Dec 19th, 2011 my boyfriends 19 year old son was killed in a car accident. The accident was caused by someone ahead of him, who hit another car. The 2nd car came into oncoming traffic & hit Michael's car. He was killed instantly, his best friend was not expected to survive. However, his recovery... Sun, 12 Feb 2012 17:43:26 EST WHY?? Hi ~ <BR> <BR> I joined this team to help me handle losing my mom this past May just a little more than 7 months ago. It has been very very difficult - the holidays were so blah. I am grieving amidst trying to heal from breast cancer and a recent hysterectomy. <BR> <BR> Then on Christmas Eve I lost my cousin (57 years old) to a heart attack. How very sad. <BR> <BR> NOW..... my LITTLE brother (just 42 years YOUNG) died of a heart attack this past weekend!!! I just got home from laying him ... Fri, 20 Jan 2012 22:03:32 EST Got thru the Holidays I did manage to get thru the first Holidays since my husband of 38 years died. I was determined to stay busy and try to continue as many traditions as possible just to stay busy. I did and I managed to get thru it all without collapsing into tears. Now, I am determined to get back on track with my weight loss. I figure, that will keep me busy too and perhaps I will get thru the winter months and the dreaded March as the anniversary of his passing. <BR> <BR> This is the only thing I know ... Mon, 2 Jan 2012 18:06:21 EST intro Hello, As I'm sure you'd all agree, I'd rather not qualify for this team. Unfortunately we don't get to control that. On April 20, 2009 our oldest son, after a long battle with bipolar disorder and other issues, took his life.... long pause to breath. It's not the first time I've had to deal grief (my brother was killed by a drunk driver in 1988) nor is it the last. There have been other losses since then. Also, my father is very ill, and my aunt is fighting stage 4 metastasized breast ... Sun, 1 Jan 2012 14:09:09 EST LossES Hi everyone ~ My name is Dee <BR> <BR> I've had a few losses over the past couple of years.... <BR> <BR> In the beginning of 2010 my mom was diagnosed with leukemia (ALL) and her doctor gave her 1 - 3 years to live. Wow. Well... by way of a miracle she went into what they called "remission" (even though they said there wasn't really a remission -- it was a break of sorts) and as she left the hospital ... I was diagnosed with breast cancer. <BR> <BR> Tax day in April 2010 I was diagnose... Thu, 29 Dec 2011 08:58:26 EST Christmas will never be the same again My husband died suddenly due to a bloodclot. <BR> Never in a million years did I think this would happen. <BR> The memorial service will be Sunday,Dec 18th.He was cremated as was his wish(he made me promise even before we were married.) <BR> Only through the strength of prayer will I be able to get through this month. Sun, 11 Dec 2011 21:37:12 EST When does the crying end? Hello....I'm 50 years old and have gone through a lot this past 2 years, eating myway through most of the stress and sadness. I need to stop using food to stuff my feelings, I think I need some support from those who are going through similar experiences. <BR> <BR> I lost my Dad in March 2010 and my Mom a year ago today, also 2010. Both were elderly, he had dementia, she had a stroke, they ended up in the same nursing home 2 hours away from me. I went back and forth at least every other week... Tue, 22 Nov 2011 05:21:18 EST Grieving Mom My name is Noel. I am the mother of three (two living) wonderful children. My husband and I lost our oldest son Matthew to a heart attack due to side effects of chemotherapy. Matt bravely battled cancer for a little over a year. Matt was a huge Saints fan. He got to see the Saints win the Super Bowl just a month before his death. He was also a strong Christian. So, I know he is in heaven waiting for his dad and I. <BR> <BR> I have battled weight issues since I was in my teens. I had ... Sat, 19 Nov 2011 21:56:25 EST Way off track and discouraged Hello all, <BR> I wrote a while back just prior to the first anniversary of my dear husband's death, when I was about to run in a Duathlon with my daughter in his honor. It was a great day, and we got the job done. However, I injured my knee with acute tendonitis and a posterior tibial ligament strain and have been having a hard time getting back on the exercise train. Add to that some first year depression, our wedding anniversary on 10/28, and Halloween with my 2 little ones, and we hav... Sun, 6 Nov 2011 14:37:42 EST If you're going through HELL..... KEEP GOING! The Name of the topic is actually the name of a book (that I have not yet read), but I found it suitable for this post. This past week I have lost my great granny, and two beloved family pets. I also can't afford to buy my text books for this semester, the house we live in has black mold (which is very expensive to remove apparently), the roof on our house needs to be replaced, and unfortunately my family can barely afford to bury my great granny.... <BR> <BR> I don't say all of this to com... Wed, 28 Sep 2011 13:54:04 EST Getting Ready to Run Hello friends, <BR> Just a shout out to you all for some moral support as I prepare to run a 5K with my 9 year old daughter this Sunday, in honor of my husband...long story, but he was paraplegic, and last year we participated as a family together in the first annual Duathlon for the IM ABLE Foundation (great org..check out their website - you might see me there with my girls!). Four days after that race, my husband was killed by an ambulance while out for his morning handcycle ride. At th... Thu, 8 Sep 2011 18:02:10 EST Recent Widow Well recent is a loose term, I am coming up on 6 months since my husband of 38 yrs died suddenly. He had a stroke while at work and passed a few days later, He was only 58 yrs old and his death was shocking to say the least. I have been with SP for some time, but really need to get motivated to get back on track, both for my own sanity and the fact that now my kids have only one parent, that parent is me and I need to be as healthy as I can for them. Granted they are young adults but still... Thu, 8 Sep 2011 16:20:51 EST not sure if I am doing this right.... I haven't ever started a post in this section before.... Under the heading it said introduce yourself. I have been thinking about looking for a grief team on this site because my heart is breaking.... I do have lots of friend and family support. The world is busy though and many times I don't want to call in tears to them because my siblings are going through the same struggles as I am. If they are having a good day I don't want to call them and ruin it.. <BR> <BR> My brother ... Sun, 28 Aug 2011 19:48:47 EST Recent Loss Hi all... <BR> I joined sparkpeople Aug. sister died later that night and I've been unable to get it together to even get on any kind of eating plan, its just too overwhelming . I don't even know what to eat anymore...i need to get my head together here and get a plan to get rid of this excess weight...hopefully I will be able to get my head together enough to move forward and figure out what to eat that will head me in the right direction...hoping to be able to think straight soon... Mon, 15 Aug 2011 22:45:54 EST I just miss my granny so much! I'm pretty close to my maternal grandma, she passed away some time ago but I still miss her! I also miss my dog. I keep thinking of my chats with my grandma and playing with my dog like ALL the time. Imagining myself stroking my dog's fur or my grandma's sense of humor and wise advice. <BR> <BR> I regret that I wasn't a better and more filial grand-daughter to my grandma. I should have given her more messages as she had arthritis, spent more time with her etc. My Mom especially took my grand... Tue, 14 Jun 2011 02:32:36 EST just joined I am new to this group but thought people could help me. In Nov 2007, I lost my mother. In August 2008, I lost my father. Then, in August 2010, I lost my youngest brother. He was 38 years old and died of liver cancer. It has been devastating. I miss him so much and still cry a lot. He left behind three kids (ages 3, 6, and 8). He was such a great friend to me. Sun, 10 Apr 2011 00:05:59 EST I'm bereaved On July 27th, my 86 yo father passed away. On August 24th, my only child, my 22 yo son, died of a drug overdose. I was a single parent. Now my only family is my 83 yo mom. I have been seeing a grief counselor since the first week of September. I can't believe how painful this all is. Fri, 1 Apr 2011 22:46:59 EST Fighting to Get Back Hello. I heard of Spark People several years ago, but unsubscribed from it due to the number of emails they would send. Plus, I was taking care of my husband and there wasn't enough time in a day to do both. He has since passed away. It has been an unbearable time. I not only lost the most important thing in my life, but also my passion for life and went from 140 lbs down to 112 lbs. I went from a size 12 down to a size 4. Many people gasp when they saw me and were worried. Some said ... Sun, 6 Mar 2011 15:51:14 EST grief eruption - help please! Hello friends, I write to confess a not-so-shining moment in my day. A rainy cozy Sunday, I decided to keep all 3 of us home for the day, as my one daughter and I are getting over ear infections and are still feeling yucky. Trying to make the day a little special, I made pancakes while the girls played, most of the time cooperatively.! Later the little one was bugging the older one without mercy and I was called in for help to "get her out of my room!!!" I was met by the insane mess of 2 r... Sun, 6 Mar 2011 13:16:48 EST Thanks! Mom died about a year ago (ok, a year and a week)... husband finally finished moving his stuff out but isn't participating in the divorce otherwise.... loss of the dream of having a family of my own is the worst part of that. Don't miss him much. Mostly? Just tired, trying to eat well enough to feel ok at the end of a day, and sleep enough. Here (on SP) to do that nice thing for myself. Just do and be what I want... grief is hard enough without worrying about what other people think. I just c... Thu, 24 Feb 2011 20:24:05 EST New to this group and SparkPeople Hi. My name is Gabriele and I joined a few days ago. We lost our sweet son Jack to a brain tumor this past October. He was 11 when he passed away after a 14 month battle. <BR> <BR> I know I'll never be "whole" again, and that's okay. But I feel that I can help myself in my healing and grieving. I have some amazing friends we met through our journey with Jack. Some have lost their children, others are still in the fight. They are all a true comfort to me. I have great friends and fa... Wed, 23 Feb 2011 10:56:22 EST Let me introduce myself Hi, Let me introduce myself. I am Dawn. I am 38 years old and an having a really rough time. I joined SP last March and was doing really well. My mom's started to go down hill towards the end of 2010 and I went backwards. She passed away on January 20th of this year. I thought I was handling things really well. Two weeks later I found out I had pneumonia and then three days later, I had to have gall bladder surgery. My head has known all along that my mom is in a better place and she ... Tue, 15 Feb 2011 23:15:56 EST Please pray for... please pay for my friend who just gave birth to a beautiful downs syndrome baby who is now going through heart surgeries. I know that some of you have lost babies or had babies who have been born with birth defects, so please think positive thoughts or say loving prayers for them. Thank you, <BR> <BR> Rene Sun, 6 Feb 2011 17:52:56 EST Looking for some peace My name is Heather. I am a 45 year old mother of 3 on the roller coaster of weight loss for on the roller coaster of deep grief for 18 months. I lost my 20 year old son in a car accident in July 2009. At the time, I was losing weight -down 30 lbs. I have since gained 50 pounds from overeating, emotional eating and no exercise. I have made a commitment to myself to lose a significant amount of weight, exercise and try to find some joy in each. I joined the YMCA but also feel ... Tue, 1 Feb 2011 14:04:44 EST Trying to learn how to live again. Hi everyone, <BR> <BR> My name is Lisa, 24, I just recently lost my step mother, 46, in November ( a week before thanksgiving) to breast cancer. I was extremely close to her, she raised me since I was 4. She was my mother and my best friend, it was the hardest two years of my life to watch her suffer and not to be able to take it away. I dedicated myself to her and doing every possible thing to try to ease the pain. Now shes gone and I am lost. I don't know what to do anymore, I miss her ter... Mon, 31 Jan 2011 15:29:49 EST Would like to join the team Hello friends, <BR> <BR> I am 53 years old, joined SP last April, and have loved it for help staying motivated, fit and healthy. I learned that I enjoy running (who would have thought?) and in August completed my first 5K. I lost about 28 pounds over the course of 5-6 months and achieved my weight goal, but more importantly just felt great. On a beautiful Sept saturday, I competed in a duathlon with my family; I ran the first 5K, my husband, a paraplegic, biked the 15.4 mile bike ride on... Sun, 30 Jan 2011 13:24:05 EST A different kind of grieving I'm stepping a little outside my comfort zone, by taking this outside of the infertility team. There's a safety in knowing that everyone else understands the infertility battle and what not to say. Resolve has some great advice about that, if you are wondering <link><BR>/for-family--friends/ </link> <BR> <BR> That said, DH and I are both 40 and have been trying to conceive for over 2 1/2 yrs. Without medical intervention, our odds are less than 1%. ... Sat, 29 Jan 2011 19:07:58 EST Trying to deal Hello from Delaware. My name is Vicki and I'm 42. My father died one week before Christmas 2010. He went into the hospital thanksgiving night and never came home. Five hours before he died we still thought he would be coming home. I miss him so much and when ever I start to feel like crying my eyes out I reach for food. I'm back on spark to help me deal with my emotions and how to not use food as a crutch to get through the loss of my father. Tue, 18 Jan 2011 21:21:59 EST Six When I returned home from work last evening (about 9 1/2 hours ago) I received word that my family has suffered yet another loss this year. <BR> <BR> My brother's father in law, Charles Mosier passed away after a long illness. He had been rallying most of the fall and early winter but finally succumbed to the illness that had it's grips tightly on him. <BR> <BR> Our families' were very close as we lived across the street from each other for many years and I thought of Charles as a second f... Thu, 30 Dec 2010 09:12:42 EST Christmas is so hard this year my mom died in 1974, my son committed suicide in 1998. this is usually a hard time, but this year, all i want to do is cry. let me explain, i always feel my mom around me, but for the last few weeks, she has been heavy on my mind and heart. i feel like she is trying to tell me something bad is gonna happen. i just can't get this cloud off me. if anybody has any ideas please pass them on. thank you. <em>39</em> Wed, 22 Dec 2010 12:35:10 EST My grief comes while driving Hello, I do not know why? <BR> My son was killed 8 years ago... he was 18 he has an identical twin brother, and a nother brother who 2 and 1/2 years older. which made him 20. <BR> Now the strange thing is when I was 18 my older brother died, he was 20, I often wonder is this going to be a recurring thing, if so what did I do in a past life? <BR> I have not told to many people this, but I feel I feel I can tell y'all. <BR> I am truly sorry for everyone's loss <em>247</em> <BR> To everyone ... Wed, 22 Dec 2010 11:58:26 EST It has happened again Just when you think the smooth sailing has begun, something happens and the waves start crashing onto the deck of the ship again. <BR> <BR> I've blogged about it... <link><BR>blic_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=38<BR>47338 </link> <BR> <BR> This has been an extraordinarily tough year for me when it comes to loss. I lost 4 people close to me within a 5 week period from September 18 to October 23 which included losing my father. <BR> <BR> I had received... Thu, 16 Dec 2010 19:43:30 EST Spark Member Lost Her Husband yesterday We have a Spark Member who's husband passed away yesterday. She is not a member of our team, but what better team to offer her support than those of us who have experienced loss. Her user name is LIGHTHEART09. Here is a link to her page if you want to stop by. <BR> <link><BR>GHTHEART09 </link> <BR> <em>220</em> Wed, 17 Nov 2010 16:23:01 EST Deciding to move on. Hello, my name is Suzanne. I lost my son my only child in May. I have gained 30lbs in 6 months. I need to get back to where I was healthwise before May 7. I know this isn't necessarily going to be easy but it is what I have to do. It is so easy to curl up in bed and stay there but there are others who depend on me. I have just taken a new job, I am taking two weeks off before starting and I am taking time for me. I think with this group I can move forward. Fri, 12 Nov 2010 08:42:50 EST Parents 62nd Anniversary, but Mom is Gone October 24 would have been my parents' 62nd anniversary - the first one since Mom died. The family is coming home in support to Dad; but how does one cope and commemorate? Fri, 22 Oct 2010 22:02:29 EST Finding Joy After The Tragedies This is my blog that I've written for today and I thought I'd share it with a few of my teams in the message boards... <BR> <BR> I've written about it numerous times...finding that inner strength to pull you through some of the rougher things that happen to you over the course of your travels. Today and this blog is one of those times. <BR> <BR> Three weeks and three deaths have pushed me to the limit of digging and finding that strength. I know that in the past, specifically 3 or more yea... Thu, 21 Oct 2010 09:30:53 EST 365 Daily Emails on Grief I have found a website called GriefShare that sends out daily emails on grief - 365 of them. I have just subscribed and found them to be wonderful for me. <BR> <BR> I will say that these are of a spiritual nature and contain Scripture verses, etc. So I am not claiming that they will be something that everyone will want, but wanted to share for those who might be interested. <BR> <BR> <link> </link> Wed, 13 Oct 2010 21:43:43 EST Strength, courage and honor (blog topic) This is my blog topic for today that I want to share especially with my team here... <BR> <BR> Some of my spark friends know and others may find out, but my father passed away September 21, 2010 quietly in his sleep. He wasn't critically ill, although he did have some nagging health problems that were heart related. He had a pace maker placed several years ago and double coronary artery bypass surgery 2 years ago. His funeral was on September 25th in Emmons West Virginia. Most of his fam... Fri, 8 Oct 2010 11:28:24 EST A living legacy of love This is my blog from today that I thought I would share with my teams... <BR> <BR> <link><BR>oto_gallery_enlarge.asp?id=3489541 </link> <BR> <BR> When I think back four years ago, I see myself as a very selfish person. I was someone who couldn’t reach out to anyone. I was mired in my own grief and didn’t know where to turn. The resounding thought in my mind was “how could this have happened to me?” <BR> <BR> She tried to prepare me for it. She knew sh... Wed, 6 Oct 2010 11:40:14 EST Rough September 2010 I know the forum title says need support...actually I just want to share with some as I have had support throughout what has gone on and my mindset is pretty good. <BR> <BR> First off, some background for those that might not know me. In 4 days, it will be the 4th anniversary of losing the one person I loved more than anyone on the face of this planet. During her illness and eventual death, I abandoned (my choice) anything at all I knew about healthy living and blew up to 380 pounds. <BR... Sat, 2 Oct 2010 07:55:48 EST Grief Support Groups Sometimes Help I've lost eight loved ones in 2.5 years. About a year ago, I found a good grief support group that I attended for a few months. It really helped. These are offered free through some hospices. You may want to consider trying it. Mon, 27 Sep 2010 00:34:53 EST Can't kick the Depression Hi all - Glad I found this group. I recently lost my boy friend to a brain tumor. Everywhere I go unexpected memories of our time together pop up. I can't stop the hurt or the depression and it's causing me to eat/drink too much. I'm trying to get back on track, but just can't seem to care enough about anything... Sun, 26 Sep 2010 18:24:40 EST Great Website On Grieving Just wanted to share a link to a great website I found. Has a lot of great information, I've especially found some of the articles helpful. <BR> <BR> <link> </link> Sun, 26 Sep 2010 09:33:29 EST Great Little Book of Comfort This book was given to me as a gift in July, when my dear cousin (like a sister) passed away. "Grieving the Loss of Someone You Love." It has been very helpful and perhaps might help others. Wed, 22 Sep 2010 00:23:19 EST Grieving the Loss of My Mother My mother passed away on 8/8/10, preceded by about 1 month of illness requiring extra care, etc. I have had a very difficult time getting back on track. I had not exercised at all since 7/10/10, the day she first went into the hospital. Just the last three days, six weeks after her death, have I finally found the strength within myself to begin walking. <BR> <BR> I am starting with baby steps. At first, all I could do was drink my water. I just didn't have it in me to do more. <BR> <BR> I k... Mon, 20 Sep 2010 20:35:35 EST anger ,family telling my dad what to do........... Haven't been here in a while. I was here before my stepmother died. A year ago probably. <BR> Now it's my dad's turn. He is almost 87, and has pancreatic cancer. I talked to him at the beginning. He told me he was ready to go, he wanted to be with his wife. He had a good life. I told him it WAS his choice. And I feel it is. That was (I can't remember) maybe 6 mos. or so ago? I am across the country and it appears he doesn't want me to come and visit. I am disabled and he probably thinks ... Sun, 19 Sep 2010 12:57:15 EST It's her birthday My sister's birthday is in a few days. We use to party so hard. Not just for her, but for everyone in the family. She was the main event organizer for all of the parties, but now she's gone and its so hard for me. I hurt so bad knowing I can't turn to her when times are hard. I know I need to turn to God. He will pull me through. It will be two years in September. I miss her so much. My big sister... Fri, 20 Aug 2010 21:39:05 EST Hello from Canada Hello, my name's Stacie. I have been on and off of sparkpeople since february and am just recently back on, trying to get my life back to a state of normality. <BR> <BR> My father passed away on July 9th of this year. He had been sick since January with kidney failure. I thought I was going to loose him then, but with the help of some wonderful doctors and dialysis, I had my father back. Those days were frightening enough, the toxins in his body had caused him to become delirious, confused ... Thu, 29 Jul 2010 14:41:57 EST Back again Hi everyone...this is not my first time in this group. November of 2006 my sister passed away at work. She had a heart attack. This group was very kind and helpful at that time. <BR> <BR> I am back because since I left, life had thrown me some curve balls and I need help. <BR> <BR> August 2008-my Mother passed. <BR> November 2008-my Aunt Kathy passed. <BR> <BR> Now, June 26th my Dad passed after complications from surgery. I literally feel like I am losing my mind. I am the last survi... Sat, 24 Jul 2010 22:29:38 EST lost the battle I just lost my husband to a long battle with cancer. We've been fighting it for 3 years, the last year and a half we've been traveling into Sloans in NYC and trying every experimental drug they had. He was home with Hospice for the last 3 months. <BR> <BR> He passed on the 18th of June. I can't believe it's been 3 weeks, it feels like it's only been 3 days. I feel like time is passing and I'm standing still. We were together since I was 19 and I'm now 53. I can't imagine life without him. W... Fri, 9 Jul 2010 12:05:50 EST New here Hello everyone, I am so glad I found this team. <BR> So anxious to get to know all of you Fri, 2 Jul 2010 17:11:05 EST JUST WHEN I THOUGHT... Just when I thought the heart ache of losing my sister was healing.Fathers day comes and I am again hurting in my stomach for Ginny knowing her husband is alone another holiday. We all spent every birthday,holiday,at Ginny's house.The emptiness of not going there is raging through my veins Sun, 20 Jun 2010 03:27:36 EST DEAR FRIENDS..... ............ I just wanted to let you all know that I am leaving the team. I think my time here is done and I just wanted to thank all of you for all our your support, love and encouragement during my grieving process for my dear mother-in-law. She always told my husband and I that she didn't want us to grieve for her, that she had a good life and was ready when her time came. I'm sure she is happy that I am moving on with my life. I have gotten very involved in plant-based nutrition and in fact have e... Mon, 14 Jun 2010 09:44:42 EST Lost my Dad in May Hi - It's only been 16 days since my Dad passed away. I saw this team & thought it appropriate, at least for now. I'm really not doing ANYthing toward my weight loss goals right now. Last time I got a little inspired, was a short period between my Dad's getting out of the hospital, & his "last" downhill turn. I think I thought he was going to be stable for awhile & improve? But the doctor's were giving him those 2 or 3 weeks to see how he did also, & not jumping to put him on hospice. A... Tue, 1 Jun 2010 23:17:19 EST Making Friends at the Gravesite of our Daughter Almost every time I go to water our daughter's grave garden, I meet somebody. There was Chester's daughter, who told me that her friends and family want her to "get over" the death of her Daddy. She was to be married soon and had so wanted him to walk her down the aisle. I told her that whatever time it takes her to grieve, it's OK and nobody else's business. Sometimes I used to think that I should be "over" the death of our daughter five years ago, but now I know that "normal" grieving lasts... Tue, 1 Jun 2010 14:40:54 EST This is my temporary home.. by Carrie Underwood. Such a touching song.. I want to share it with you all, if you haven't already heard it. Or if you have.. it's really great to listen to and this video is beautiful: <BR> <BR><BR>9E <BR> <BR> Rene Wed, 26 May 2010 15:59:33 EST Graduation Time Our son, Ben, passed away December 22, 2006. He was going to college. He wanted to be a pharmacist. He got his certification to be a pharmacy tech so he was working part time in a drug store while going to college. The doctors said that because of his bad heart, he might live to be 35 years old. We all thought that we had time, but he died shortly after he turned 24. It is so hard to lose a child. Your friends children are getting engaged, married and getting their degrees and you are grievin... Sat, 15 May 2010 14:45:38 EST My Friend Laura Died Laura died on Monday 4/26 at home and I need support to get over her loss. I have to go to her funeral and I don't want too. <em>46</em> Sat, 1 May 2010 23:10:03 EST Looks like Dad is dying My sis emailed this morning saying it appears that my dad´s kidneys are failing. I´ve begun some serious dental work that must be resolved so I can fly home to them. I will probably miss seeing him alive. I am grateful for the extra time God has given him. When I left them last March, I assumed I would not see him alive again. This is hard. Wed, 28 Apr 2010 10:34:34 EST It's hard to get up and go when you feel paralyzed I recently lost my father in a motorcycle accident a block from my home, where he lived with me and my family. I wake up every day and see his pickup truck still in the driveway and wonder why this happened to me. It's paralyzing sadness I feel every time I see one of his coffee cups, hats, etc. I found him on the side of the road on his birthday, already gone. That is one picture I cannot get out of my head. I put on 20 pounds in recent months from eating and drinking my way to "content", bu... Tue, 13 Apr 2010 08:59:28 EST Intro Hello <BR> I'm Roberta and I'm new to this board as far as never posting. First and foremost I lost my parents at an early age 10 for Mother, 11 for my Father. Than I lost my kid father someone shot him while he was standing by our kitchen window. My biggest and greatest lost was my oldest son a week before his 16th birthday. He drown at his school in gym class. <BR> That was Dec.11,1992. Since than I have lost 2 grandchildren one was a stillborn and Tianna was <BR> 5 1/2 months old also fi... Mon, 5 Apr 2010 17:43:46 EST So Much Grief and Loss I am hoping to find some support with my loss. I am going to be 40 years old in July but I lost one of my best friends in September of 2007. He was a part of my life for 37 years and he was a huge part of my life at that. <BR> <BR> The person I am mourning is my grandfather. He was one of the awesomest people I have ever met. Until I had my son, the sun rose and set on him. I am close to my dad, and my parents are still married, but I just adored my grandfather. <BR> <BR> I never wante... Mon, 22 Mar 2010 15:22:53 EST I Can't Stop Crying I thought I had been doing pretty good, but Friday I started crying and now I can't seem to stop crying. I miss my family members so much. Saturday was my moms birthday. It was and is a really hard time right now. I just can't seem to stop crying. Sun, 21 Mar 2010 23:10:01 EST I'm so lost...... I lost my mother last June 24th. She had had a stroke in January. She was in the hospital and rehab for about 6 weeks. Then she came to live with me and my wife. She was in and out of the hospital a few times due to her gout, once for congestive heart failure. Well, the 24th, she was telling me how good she was feeling and talking to me at the dining room table at 2:30pm. She went to take a nap before dinner. At 4:30pm, my wife knocked on her bedroom door and then yelled for me. I freaked out... Tue, 9 Mar 2010 20:09:53 EST Writing a book One of the helpful things I have been doing since my husband died 12/08 is to be writing down all the memories I have and the rest of the family has about him. It has been a therapudic exercise, and has kept my mind busy with positive thoughts. <BR> Today I got the information to self publish the book,and that IS intimidating, with my limited computer knowledge. <BR> But it keeps my mind active, and I keep thinking if others have done it, I can do it too. The book is being proof read now ... Thu, 11 Feb 2010 07:06:15 EST I can stop crying I just wanted to introduce myself and tell you my story. My name is Teri, and I come from a very close knit family. Up until last Monday I had two brothers and one sister. This week I have one brother and one sister. I was at work last monday morning (2/1) when i got the call. My mom was on the other end of the line crying. my thought was first of my dad. But when my mom said it was my brother, i didn't understand. How could that be, he was only 49, healthy and happy, full of life. ... Sun, 7 Feb 2010 13:25:58 EST Light A Virtual Candle Hi all- <BR> <BR> For those of you who are new and do not know about this website <link><BR>.cfm?l=eng&gi=SGL </link> <BR> <BR> A member last year opened the group SGL (Sparkpeople Grief & Loss) for us to light virtual candles in memory of our loved ones. <BR> <BR> This candle will only stay lit for 48 hours but you can go back and relight it. You can also send the link to your candle to family and friends. <BR> <BR> Pass it on. You do not have... Sun, 7 Feb 2010 10:20:37 EST Having a bad time My name is Ange, and I can't tell you how relieved I was to find this team. I'm having a difficult time just now, and half in desperation I searched for "grief" and felt as if a lifesaver had been tossed to me when I saw this. <BR> <BR> My oldest son, Chet, died 10 years ago this July, 29 days after being diagnosed with cancer. There have been a lot of bad days, and some not so bad ones, but I seem to have fallen into an abyss these past few weeks. I suppose a lot of it is milestones. ... Sat, 6 Feb 2010 02:45:43 EST Hello Everyone My name is Trudy, I have been on Spark People for almost two years and Have lost 80 pounds so far.. <BR> Recently, I lost my closest friend. A friend of 50 years and the only person I knew for a fact loved me unconditionally. Nothing more then that, she had a husband..I used to..but still she was my soul mate friend. We spoke daily because we lived about 100 miles apart. She never let a holiday or a birthday go by that she didn't make sure I was not alone. You see both my children lived ... Fri, 5 Feb 2010 12:32:34 EST Life on Purpose-6 Passages to an Inspired Life Have you clarified your life's purpose yet? "Turn yourself into the magnificent being you always knew was inside." (from the back cover) <BR> <BR> This thread is to explore the road to self discovery. I will post ideas and exercises based on a book written by Brad Swift. "Life on Purpose-6 Passages to an Inspired Life" <BR> <BR> <link> </link> Tue, 26 Jan 2010 21:34:52 EST Having a tough day Well it's here..the first anniversary of Mom's death and it has come down on me like a ton bricks. I knew it would be a tearful day but this is ridiculous. I have been crying since I got up this morning. I have tried distracting myself by cleaning out the kitchen cabinets, doing laundry but nothing is helping, I am just grieving so much for her today. This is the last of the "firsts" so I am hopeful that after today things will start to look a little brighter and I can think of her or loo... Thu, 21 Jan 2010 16:27:54 EST Healing So often we post about our struggles on this team, and with good reason; however, I wanted to put one positive post out there. I am finally healing. I'm sure that I'm not "done" nor will I ever be, but I can hear music in my head again (a constant fixture for me since my childhood. . . I am a musician). I feel so grateful for passion and for life itself. I still think about my Dad everyday, but at least the thoughts haven't been quite so traumatic lately. That is all. I wish all of you ... Wed, 13 Jan 2010 10:08:39 EST HAPPY NEW YEAR SP FRIENDS THIS POEM SAYS IT PERFECTLY SO I BORROWED IT TO SHARE WITH MY FRIENDS. <BR> <BR> <BR> Fulfillment in the New Year <BR> <BR> Here’s to the outgoing year, 2009: <BR> May the good times live on in our memories, <BR> and may we learn lessons from the troubling times <BR> that will make us stronger and better than ever. <BR> <BR> Here’s to 2010: <BR> For each and every one of you, <BR> may it be filled with significant steps <BR> toward the fulfillment of your fondest wishes. <BR> <BR> I... Thu, 31 Dec 2009 13:07:33 EST Losses I haven't been back to this team in a long time. <BR> Originally I joined because of the loss of my son almost six years ago at age 21. <BR> In the last five months, we (my DH and I)have had four family funerals, for three of which we were in charge of making arrangements, and we also were involved in three seperate 24/7 vigils at the hospital, one of which lasted two weeks. All of the hospital stays and funerals were out of town. <BR> <BR> My parents died of strokes this summer 25 days apa... Tue, 1 Dec 2009 16:29:14 EST Problem with emotions Hi guys, I need any help/advice you can offer. My Dad died 5 1/2 months ago and I'm going through another bad phase of grieving. (By bad I mean a lot of crying.) The unfortunate part is that I start crying every time I sing. . . and it doesn't matter what I sing. Warm-ups, church hymns, arias, artsongs happy or sad it brings on the tears. I'm a masters of music student in singing and I have three auditions this week but can barely focus and practice for them because I keep crying every t... Sun, 22 Nov 2009 17:48:32 EST today is 11 years my son Christopher took his own life 11 years ago today. <BR> god it feel like yesterday. I still ask myself could I have done something, he was only 22 yrs old. why did this happen. some days I just want to be with him, but I can't and won't do that do my three other kids. he will never have kids of his own. How I wish they can understand hoe final and hard it is on the family and friends left behind, Please God hold him in your arms till we meet again. thank you for listening to me. <BR>... Thu, 19 Nov 2009 11:46:44 EST Hi, new member here I am not new to SP but new to this group. <BR> <BR> I was really hoping I would not need to find this group, but here I have been, the last 2 days crying and wondering how am I going to get through the holidays? <BR> <BR> I lost my Mom January 21st of this year. She had been in remission from lung cancer since August and we had such high hopes that she had kicked it and we would have her for a few more years. In early January she developed bronchitis due to her COPD and went in the hospit... Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:22:14 EST Where to Begin??? ???????? To make a long story short, my name is Peggy and I'm new to this group. I really don't know where to begin. In 2006, I lost my mother to lung cancer. Less than two years later, my sister and best friend followed. <BR> <BR> This is the hardest time of the year for me because although the anniversary of Mommy's death is Jan. 17th, I've always felt like I lost her in December, which is when she was placed in hospice. <BR> <BR> With both of them gone, I feel so alone. I have my children, fathe... Tue, 17 Nov 2009 22:02:53 EST WHAT HELPS DURING DIFFICULT TIMES? The grieving process is different for everyone and there is no time line for how long it will last. Since my dear mother-in-law passed I have good days and bad days. I find that when I get really down that going outside and walking hard reall helps. Is that something that helps you? Please share it with us as it may help someone else. <BR> <BR> <BR> <em>51</em> <em>188</em> Mon, 16 Nov 2009 09:03:02 EST How Are You Coping as the Holiday's Approach? I'm already feeling sad that the Holiday's won't be the same this year without my dear mother-in-law. Two Christmases ago she decided it would be fun to have a Santa hat, so of course the next time I visited her I brought her one. She loved the attention she got when she would wear it to the dining room of her assisted living facility and it cheered up the other residents. That is how I will always remember her at Chiristmas. <BR> <BR> <em>51</em> <em>188</em> Tue, 10 Nov 2009 21:14:09 EST Trying to find my way in the fog My name is Crissy. I am married to a wonderful man and the mother of 3 beautiful daughters. I lost my eldest daughter (14 years old) 10 weeks ago. Halleigh had epilepsy and had a seizure in a swimming pool and suffered catastropic brain injury. After a week of living in the PICU I asked to have her machines turned off. I held her the entire time. I held her on a Friday when she took her first breath of life and held her until she took her last breath also on a Friday. I have been tryin... Wed, 4 Nov 2009 10:20:04 EST 10-21-09 That day, exactly one year ago, was the worst day of my life. My mother passed away, in front of me in our home. I was there performing CPR when the paramedics arrived. Even now I can see that evening like it just happened yesterday. <BR> I have just now begun to start at the very beginning of sorting through some of her things. It's just so hard. I keep thinking that she wouldn't want me to get rid of her things and those things don't really belong to me, making it harder to decide what shou... Sun, 25 Oct 2009 17:53:17 EST # 1 AGAIN Yeah Deby, you are #1 again with Spark Points and Fitness Minutes. I'm so proud of you, you have such determination. Keep up the good work. <BR> <BR> <BR> <em>188</em> Sun, 25 Oct 2009 07:53:10 EST CONGRATU LATIONS! Congratulations Deby, you were #1 on the teams Spark Points and Fitness Minutes. You go girl! <BR> <BR> <em>242</em> <em>205</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> <em>188</em> Sun, 18 Oct 2009 14:18:50 EST SHARE Hugs *in need of a hug or just sharing one* Honoring one another with a hug Sat, 17 Oct 2009 12:53:58 EST MEMORIAL..... HONORing our LOVES <em>214</em> <em>214</em> <em>214</em> <em>214</em> <em>214</em> <em>214</em> <em>214</em> <em>214</em> <em>214</em> <BR> <BR> I miss you all... and I know you are ALLways close to me, because now you are in my heart.... I love you Each and everyone ... thank You for being a part of my life.... <BR> <BR> &#9829;~*-:¦:-*&#9829;~.•*´¨ )&#9829;~*-:¦:-*&#9829;~.•*´¨ )&#9829;~*-:¦:-*&#9829;~.•*´¨ ) <BR> (¨`•.•´¨) <BR> `•.¸ (¨ `•.•´¨) I LOVE YOU.... ~~Deby~~ <BR> (¨`•.•´¨) ¸.•´ <BR>... Mon, 12 Oct 2009 17:02:13 EST new member intro Hi everyone, <BR> <BR> I'm new to this group, but not to SP. My husband passed in August 3 years post-diagnosis of colon cancer. <BR> <BR> On one hand, I feel like I am struggling to keep up with the things that I need to do. On the other hand, I'm just grateful to do the most urgent things and leave the rest for another day. I keep telling myself that all of life is about change, and that change can be good. <BR> :-) <BR> <BR> Anyway... it's important to me to get some focus on a heal... Fri, 9 Oct 2009 09:10:42 EST It's been three years October 6 is one of those days over the past few years that I would not handle very well. Starting about a month ago, I vowed to myself that today would be different. It will be. It will be a lot different than I envisioned just last week. <BR> <BR> First off, I am going to be working in the family business today (something I hadn't planned on last week) and after my day at work, I am going to do a few of the things I wanted to do, but I know I won't be riding my bike 30+ miles like I wan... Tue, 6 Oct 2009 06:06:35 EST It's that time of year... Once in a while, I'll share my blogs with the message board community and today is one of those days. This is from my blog that I posted earlier this morning... <BR> <BR> It’s October 2009. <BR> <BR> I know that my plan that I have been following for some two years now with minor tweaks and adjustments along the way has provided me with results that even stun and somewhat astonish me. I have transformed myself from a person that wasn’t able to walk from the back door to the mailbox without... Thu, 1 Oct 2009 16:13:37 EST Hospice so soon????? I'm not dealing. My mom died in 87. My parents were divorced and my father had remarried over 10 years before. <BR> He remarried right after the divorce, 1 month. <BR> My stepmother has been disliked , actually by my 3 siblings. She was very controlling. I'm sorry is, but probably not now. She has had lung cancer (been treated for almost 5 years). Even though we had our spats I do love her. I just talked to her about 4 days ago. She was just too tired to talk. I spoke to my dad and he told me hospice was ... Wed, 30 Sep 2009 00:58:44 EST Hi Everyone, Deby here... Hi Everyone <BR> <BR> My name is Deby... I am 51 years old... I am on Top <BR> of the Hill... Taking this time to look back over my life... and able to see clearly the direction I would like to take now... <BR> <BR> <BR> I have a ONEderful Hubby and 3 grown sons. <BR> My middle son has blessed me with grandkids. <BR> ~~~I LOVE MY FAMILY~~~ <BR> <BR> <BR> September is a very rough month for us... <BR> My Mothernlaw and Sisternlaw were murdered because of domestic violence on Sept. 2... Tue, 22 Sep 2009 12:21:42 EST Returning to those painful places Is the blog that I posted today and can be found at <link><BR>blic_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=23<BR>85273 </link> and will share in this forum... <BR> <BR> MetroHealth medical center. It is a leader of care in the inner city community here in Cleveland Ohio. There are many fabulous doctors performing extraordinary procedures to save and change many lives in this area. <BR> <BR> The twin towers of the hospital sit prominently next to Interstate 71 as... Wed, 9 Sep 2009 11:36:00 EST Hi, I'm new Hi there SP, <BR> <BR> I'm so glad this team exists. I feel so burdened by my grief these days, and it is so nice to know that there is a community here that I can support and that can support me. <BR> <BR> Background: <BR> - My big sister died this summer. She committed suicide. She was 24. <BR> - My dad, 64 years old, has 2-3 years to live. He has Alzheimer's disease. <BR> <BR> So... life sucks these days. A lot. I'm trying to grab onto the control I have by eating well and exercising mo... Sat, 5 Sep 2009 09:29:28 EST What do people want from me! My husband was murdered March of 2008 in front of me. I'm trying really hard to move forward and have a good life. I am in theropy every week. MY theropist has me working on a project and one of the things I had to do was get someone to write a positiveletter about me. So I asked my sister. The letter was really sweet, but in it she talked about how she wants me to go back to how I use to be. Then yesterday I had an arguement with my 15 yr old son and he told me how I am not the same and I ha... Thu, 3 Sep 2009 01:21:16 EST Moving forward Hi all. My name is Tim. I have been a member of Spark People since late November 2008. I have been on my current journey since I sat at my computer and put my plan together in September 2007. What has transpired since then (some have told me) is an amazing thing. I have lived it and it hasn't really sank in other than I feel good again. <BR> <BR> What brings me to the moving forward team? <BR> <BR> I was visiting a page of someone that visited my page. That Spark People person was TAZ... Wed, 19 Aug 2009 11:09:23 EST moving past the grief hello everyone.. <BR> I am happy there is a group to share the pain and recovery of grief. Cancer has almost wiped out my family. It runs rapid in my family, I lost my mother, three aunts to colon cancer. I found out last month that my aunt in Missouri has lung cancer. She is like a mother to me, and my first thought was to drop out of college and move there. But, another aunt has moved in with her and taking care of her. <BR> I am so happy I found sparkpeople, as I start my journey of a ne... Fri, 14 Aug 2009 16:04:35 EST Hi, I'm new I just wanted to quickly say hi and to introduce self. My name is Zanna and I lost my little baby girl, Jenna to leukemia at the age of 15 months, Dec 2007. She would be 3 September 12. I have periods every day where I get teary, missing her, her smiles, her mamas, her little hugs and kisses. I miss her so much. I see a therapist, she is always suggesting that I up my dose of Zofran. I am on a very low dose and quite honestly I just want to dump it. I go to a grief group with my husban... Thu, 6 Aug 2009 11:26:33 EST My little ones. Yesterday I had to give up my two last Goldfish and I miss them. (I think my dad does too). I have had thme for about five years. They were about eight inches long living in a 20 gallon aquarium. I just could not keep the tank clean. When I dropped them off a our local Fish Doctor's they told me that each one should have been in at least a 30 gallon tank. I was unable to take proper care of them, their tank was not very fish friendly and constantly had green water that I could not get to stay... Mon, 27 Jul 2009 03:58:10 EST Physical Manifestations of Grieving Do any of you find that grief hits your body in different ways? Some weeks I have terrible headaches, other weeks I have a string on bad dreams, some I don't feel like eating, others I can't get enough food. When I try to sing I end up crying. I have a hard time feeling like dancing to music that I love. Sometimes I cry at the drop of a hat and its embarrassing. Is this normal? How long will it take for me to get better? I think about my Dad all the time and what he'd say or I'd tell h... Sun, 19 Jul 2009 09:18:08 EST hello and big hugs to all---newb hi..i just lost my dear sweet oldest brother on June 19th. i had been his caregiver since 2005. now there is a big hole in my heart. <BR> i have the time to now put my health concerns on the front burner. <BR> but i miss him so much and i'm so sad. still dealing with all the "details" <BR> i would love to cut his hair and rub his hands with his favorite lavender lotion just one more time Fri, 17 Jul 2009 09:30:03 EST Lightning strikes twice After losing my mother in October 2008 I just leanred about a hour ago that my Aunt from Maryland has passed. She had been diagnosed with a brain tumor last year and recently complications arose from other issues of her condition. I guess she was in pain and unable to do anything for herself. I haven't even begun to get past my mother's death. <em>46</em> <em>39</em> Tue, 7 Jul 2009 18:58:08 EST Don't know who I am without him Eighteen months ago my husband died a violent death while saving lives. After the initial shock I went numb, another type shock of sorts. I don't remember much of the year after he died. We were married for 45 years. We met at 17/20 years, and were married at 21/24 years, He was a great husband, father, grandpa, and friend--loving, brave, healthy, very funny, kind, had a keen wit, and saw good in absolutely everyone. We learned a lot from each other, talked to each other about every conceiva... Wed, 17 Jun 2009 01:07:32 EST I feel so lost and confused Hi there, I'm Kristen and I lost my Dad a little over a week ago. He died in a car accident close to home. I miss him so much. I'm the executor of his will and am feeling so confused in trying to sort through his affairs. My Dad was an only child and I am an only child and I now need to try and take care of my grandma as well, who suffers from a heart condition and was give three years to live max a while ago. I'm also a masters student and need to go back to Ontario in the fall to finis... Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:49:09 EST Brother in law My brother in law gave me a hug friday and I lost it emotionaly, in that moment I just realized that my husband would never hug me again and how much I miss that. Sun, 24 May 2009 03:23:33 EST Counseling I just started seeing this counselor. He has been seeing my son for a little while and have talked to him some and he is so easy to talk to. He said he would start seeing me too seperately, so I decided to go for it. I went for my first session this past week. It is so nice to have a man to talk to again, even if I am paying him to do it. But already he has got me to talking about a whole range of stuff all the way back to my troubled childhood. He is so spot on with everything, it is like he... Sun, 24 May 2009 03:18:10 EST Lost my brother to suicide two months ago Hi team, I'm new here. I have been using Spark off and on since August and I enjoy it a lot. <BR> <BR> I'm Laurel and I am missing my little brother Steven today. He took his own life just over two months ago and it's so hard on me that he is gone. I love him so much and he is so special to me. He was a 23-year-old college student who always put on a happy face and never shared with us the extent of the struggles he was having. We knew he had some challenges, but we didn't know the wh... Tue, 19 May 2009 13:59:04 EST I cant stop crying Hi everyone, I havent been here in awhile, I havent been anywhere. I have lost my cat after 17 years. I was there and when he finally fell in a deep sleep I just cant stop breaking down. With my Dad in January and now my cat I guess I just dont understand anymore. I'm trying to stay positive and not gain anymore weight so far 10lbs after losing so much and keeping it off for so long its all starting to come back. I feel so out of control in my head I try to hide alot, but its getting h... Fri, 8 May 2009 08:09:07 EST afraid i'm falling i try to go forward. i know life is worth living .i know GOD is enough. i know i should live each day with her memory living for her, laughing for her, loving for her. noone can see, i Smile . but caN'T SEEM TO FUNCTION. DOESN'T SEEM TO BE A CHOICE, MY BODY, MIND SEEM TO BE SHUTTING DOWN. MY HEART HURTS SO BAD. I FEEL SO MUCH GUILT. I SHOULD HAVE HELPED MY MOM. SHE SHOULD NOT HAVE DIED. IF I HAD BEEN A GOOD DAUGHTER, SHE WOUILD BE HERE. MY MOM HAD CHRONIC PAIN FROM BREAKING HER NECK IN A CAR... Mon, 4 May 2009 15:18:56 EST easter with out my Dad Hi everyone, Easter without my Dad, Not sure how I feel. Dont really know what to write. I am trying to feel my emotions and not cover them with food. I have already gained back 15 of my weight I have lost. And I am trying hard not to let that get to me I just want to move forward so bad. But I am trying hard and with the help of everyone I know I will. Thank you all and have a Happy Easter. <em>247</em> Sat, 11 Apr 2009 09:00:47 EST not sure what I think anymore As more time passes, I seem to be getting more and more sadder. I know its not what my Dad would want but I cant seem to get out of this feeling I have. We use to exercise alot together and my weight kept down. And not I feel its going up fast and I dont exercise as much I just feel so unmotivated. Does it ever feel better? Have a great day everyone... Sun, 5 Apr 2009 11:01:45 EST My beloved Sidney I'm new to the group. I sought out the group because just today, I lost my beloved Sidney. She was my nearly 15 year old Golden Retriever/Doberman mix. I have a tribute photo to her on my page for anyone who's interested. She was sick for a long time so I am at peace with my decision to put her to sleep, but I miss her terribly. <BR> <BR> ~Melanie Wed, 25 Mar 2009 22:34:47 EST my dad Hi I lost my Dad in January 3rd. I was right there my hand on his chest as his last breath was taken. He was my best friend....I think of him al the time so many things remind me of him all day long. I cry alot ....And it feels as though its getting harder and harder I miss his laughfter our long talks just everything. I have gained 13 lbs since then and I feel as I woke up and he's gone and I'm different. We took long walks together and I lost weight and kept it off, because of him it was... Sun, 22 Mar 2009 10:38:41 EST My Wounded little bird. My little wounded bird <BR> <BR> My Mary came into this world on 1/22/75. She was one of the most beautiful and pleasant babies I had ever seen. She had a bright smile and was so very smart. I thought, this kid will go places. The only place she went was to a hell called mental illness. <BR> <BR> The symptoms started when she was around 13. I, in my blind ignorance, thought it was just the typical teenage rebellion. I had never dealt with borderline personality or bi-polar disorders so I ... Tue, 10 Mar 2009 11:30:23 EST Hi there Hi all! I'm Staci. I'm recently married (Aug 19th to be exact)! I'm happily married and so glad that I've finally made it to this stage of my life! My husband is incredibly caring and supportive and I'm so thankful for his support and strength. <BR> <BR> I lost weight for my wedding and even continued to lose weight for about the 1st month of our marriage, but I've now gained about 10 pounds back. <BR> <BR> I lost my dad January 17 and have struggled to find the motivation to get to the gy... Tue, 3 Mar 2009 17:26:29 EST Newbie Hi all. <BR> Sorry to be joining this team under the circumstances, but I know it will be a good move for me after my father's death on January 2, 2009. It has been a rough time, as I am the sole beneficiary to everything. Taking care of the estate is difficult, and I am about to lose my childhood home because we just bought a house in Southern MD and cannot take on 2 mortgages. My mother is still around, but she has clinical depression and has taken it upon herself to move to TN where she... Tue, 24 Feb 2009 00:39:11 EST GOING THROUGH TOUGH ROUGH TIME/NEED SUPPORT I noticed that more of you are posting about this kind of topic than things you do just for you. I think that you kind-hearted souls are more likely to be doing for OTHERS than yourselves, so I'm making this one a sticky topic instead of the inactive topic. If you have any other sticky topic suggestions, please VOICE THEM HERE! I can change them pretty easily, but we're only allowed three. Much love and many hugs, Laurie Mon, 9 Feb 2009 15:17:18 EST Hard days I haven't posted here in quite a while. Been too busy I guess. Just had one of the toughest days yet. My mother's birthday would have been on the 6th of February. She's only been gone a little over three months but it feels like forever. I bought a small bouquet of flowers and put them on the table in the kitchen. It helped to brighten up the day a little. Any way I've been feeling down the past few days and just wanted to let it out a little. Thanks! <em>39</em> <em>46</em> <em>51</em> <e... Sun, 8 Feb 2009 18:40:11 EST Into, Need support and encouragement and prayers . My Name is Cindy and I live in La. Married for 8 months and have 1 son and a step daughter. They are both in High School. <BR> I have been feeling really sad for a while. My Precious Daddy passed away Dec.26th of 08.I am hurting alot and miss him SO MUCH! <BR> I have set some goals for myself and getting healthy is one of them and several others that I feel are important.He was the one I could ALWAYS go to to get encouragement,advice and a listening ear and lot of love. I really haven't h... Thu, 22 Jan 2009 13:19:45 EST Joining because I'm not sure what's next My grandad died about 1 hour before New Years Eve. His funeral was on Friday. It was all sudden, and then it wasn't. He broke his leg the weekend before Christmas, and well, never really bounced back after surgery. I'm a nurse, so I think I was realistic at least on one level - I wasn't optimistic, but I hoped for the best. I have always been close to him and my grandma, and I certainly worry about her. I don't know what to say, it's all so fresh, just figured talking to others may help... Sun, 4 Jan 2009 14:17:25 EST The story of my loss My name is Samantha, Today is my son 4th Birthday. but it is also been a little over two years since my sweet baby boy's death. I have not been doing to well with it the last few days, so I would like to tell you my story. My husband and I got married in April of 2004, by May we found out that we were going to have a new baby, we already had a 4 year old little girl named Kourtney so I wanted a boy. I started having complications from the beginning, but by October my Doctor told me something ... Wed, 31 Dec 2008 16:21:52 EST Tears After my mom passed away in OCtober I thought things couldn't get any worse. Now I realize they can. My father is not in that good of health and may lose his job. My brother is now talking about moving to Ireland or another country. I'm just not sure how much more I can take. It all is so hard right now. iI just needed someone to listen, thanks. <em>46</em> Tue, 30 Dec 2008 19:19:21 EST WORLDWIDE CANDLE LIGHTING EVENT Worldwide Candle Lighting <BR> <BR> The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting®, held annually the second Sunday in December, this year December 14, unites family and friends around the globe as they light candles for one hour to honor and remember children who have died at any age from any cause. As candles are lit at 7 p.m. local time, creating a virtual wave of light, hundreds of thousands of persons commemorate and honor the memories of children in a way that transcends all ethn... Wed, 3 Dec 2008 20:27:33 EST First Christmas How do you get through the most important holiday of the year? As I wrapped the few gifts I've gotten so far, I ruined several pieces of paper with tears. I want to keep the holiday as close to "tradition" as I can while my brother wants to "just have dinner", my father has severely over bought for my brother and I. I think he's trying to compensate for the gifts my mother would have bought for us. I also have to yet go through the gifts that my mother told me she had already bought. It's goi... Sun, 30 Nov 2008 16:41:57 EST Month one It's been just over a month since my mother passed away. The house seems so quiet and empty without her. I wander the house for something to do beside watching t.v. but nothing sounds even remotely interesting. I still am having a hard time believing she's gone, it seems as though she could walk in the house at any time and sit down in her chair. Or help me in the litchen with dinner. I'm having a difficult time also imagining the rest of my life without her. I'm planning on starting a memori... Sun, 23 Nov 2008 19:57:42 EST Time for me to bid farewell Tis time for me to leave this group and go more w/ life. I lost my only child 13 months ago...haven't posted often..but sure have lurk. Please feel free to email me. Am in a good place today...good days far outweigh the grief stricken days. ((((((Friends))))) Tue, 11 Nov 2008 23:31:55 EST Lonliness I lost my husband about 2 years ago to cancer. Our only daughter was 15 when he passed. He was a pastor and a wonderful man. I still miss him to this day. Probably like most I still find myself getting emotional at times but as the years go by I seem to handle it better. My problem is this: since his passing I find myself so lonely. I didn't realize until after my husbands passing that I realized that I had lost myself in my husband. What I mean is because he was a pastor, so outgoing... Mon, 3 Nov 2008 16:55:56 EST Am I going Crazy? A short time ago I posted that I need help. (Still do as a matter of fact) I was just wondering I going nuts? My mother passed away on the 21st of October. It seems so long ago. I miss her so much! I sometimes find myself talking to her as if she were standing in the same room. Am I going crazy? It sometimes helps me to feel a little better to talk to her in this way. <em>39</em> <em>46</em> Mon, 3 Nov 2008 16:23:52 EST I need help Hi, I just lost my mother on October 21st. It's so hard to believe that it's only been a little over a week, it seems like a lifetime ago. I was there when she died, I was one of the people performing CPR. The paramedics tried for over half an hour with no success. I just don't know how I can go on without her. She was my rock. I think of things that we used to do together and I end up bawling. I was cleaning the fridge and found a blueberry pie she had wanted so bad. She had one piece. I wis... Thu, 30 Oct 2008 04:08:52 EST This is me I lost my husband in May of 07, had 2 daughters get married and leave home in Aug. and Oct of 07, another daughter move away from town also, my daddy died in Dec. of 07 my mother had a nervous break down 10 days later (Christmas night) when we got her back it had kicked in Alzhiemers. To say the least my world has been rocked this last year and a half. I am hopping to find support here in this group. <BR> Rockin' Robin Wed, 15 Oct 2008 10:30:10 EST A course on Emotions This is something I am getting online. See what you think. <BR> <BR> LESSON ONE: You Can Master Your Emotions <BR> <BR> Emotions are a great gift. Because of your capacity to feel, Friend, your world has texture. When your feelings turn into emotion they move you into action. Acting on your feelings with wisdom is something you can learn by following the three steps below. <BR> <BR> Step One: Be receptive to your feelings. In short, allow yourself to feel. Anger, sorrow, frustrat... Wed, 8 Oct 2008 23:29:40 EST Just beginning journey Hi. I'm Suanne. I just re-started using SP tools again after almost two years away. I am recently retired and was co-caregiver for my daughter ... until yesterday when she passed after a short 8-month battle with brain cancer. She was 30 years old, leaving a husband and 5-year-old son. She was my only child. I know I'm still in the numb stage ... but, I still hurt like the dickens. I just figured it would be easier to join this group now rather than wait until I'm more dis-functional w... Mon, 6 Oct 2008 11:05:12 EST Avoiding Home It's been six months yesterday since my husband was killed and I still find myself avoiding home. It's too quiet here even with the kids home but they are mostly out playing or visiting and I am sitting here in silence alone. I find myself going to walmart almost every day or at least every other even when I don't need anything at all. We go out to eat alot too because it is just so lonely here without my husband. We where four and now we are 3 and things just seem so uneven and out of wack. ... Sat, 27 Sep 2008 05:00:08 EST New to this group Hello my name is Laura and After seeing a counselor for depression turns out it is grief that I am dealing or not dealing with that is causing my mood. So I am here to learn how others are dealing with loses. Tue, 16 Sep 2008 13:38:49 EST back to school i quit my job on thrusday and started school today i was at tim hortons and i thought it is time to start my life again i miss my son so much and i think he would like for me to go on with more schooling i am going though to be a psw like a nurses aid it is a lot of work i hope i am doing the right thing. i was a caregiver of childeren for almost 5 years out of my home i love to care for people so i think this is a good idea. i miss helping people. today was my first day and it was hard but w... Tue, 9 Sep 2008 16:53:11 EST the happier side of grieving i decided to create this topic because we ebb and flow and none of the other topics, by name anyway, lent themselves to standing in a good place in the process. right now, i'm not sad about my mother's death, i don't feel any of the anger. i've accepted it, i celebrate her life and am in the process of getting closer to my family to reforge a relationship with them. Mon, 8 Sep 2008 12:03:36 EST Just joined today sobbing reading your posts I am so sorry for your losses.. my heart aches for you and ourselves. We lost our 29 year old son just August 2nd..he had served 5 years with The US NAVY and had released June 16th. We are going through the motions but are numb with you all know. I am her because I need a group that understands this pain. I had been on sparks earlier and lost 5-6 pounds lost a few more after this but need to get back to tracking and doing things right exercising. janice Fri, 5 Sep 2008 11:58:36 EST Do you ever feel like you have to fake it? It has been 5 months since my husband was murdered in front of me. So much has went on since then, like breaking my leg, having surgery and mostly helping the kids through and I started redecorating my house and all has kept me busy and helped not keep me so focused on the bad stuff. I do pretty good most days, but sometimes it just hits me from no where. At this point people seem to expect you to be okay, so when I am not I just don't say anything. Yesterday was my nephews birthday and we ha... Mon, 25 Aug 2008 02:54:41 EST Too sad to Function.... Hello. I'm Brandi. i joined your group because I just suffered the loss of my baby. I was 1 day shy of my 20th week. Aubrey Isabella was born alive, but was to small and underdeveloped to be able to be saved. She died within minutes in my arms. I am not sure where to begin in picking up the pieces and hope to find some support here. I had begun to lose weight, then the pregnancy happened. I gained some pounds and now i have nothing to show for my weight gain. I have to start all over for noth... Sat, 23 Aug 2008 13:39:07 EST New to this group Hello to everyone, <BR> I am not a new SP'er, but have been away for a good while. I had done very well, lost 35 lbs. Was exercising almost daily. All that has changed. <BR> My oldest child and only son, Justin, was murdered Nov 2, 2007. Almost 10 mo ago.This has knocked me on my knees to put it mildly. Honestly, I just don't care anymore about myself. Or I didn't care if I gained weight, and now I am starting to be very unhappy about it. I guess that is a good sign. I want to take care of ... Sat, 23 Aug 2008 10:30:05 EST New Today I have been on Spark for a little over a year but I just found this team today. My husband was killed in a car wreck on June 19 of this year. I didn't know someone could be as sad as I am and still be alive. I do the best I can because we have an 18-year-old daughter who needs me. Some days it's all I can do to get dressed and go to work much less eat like I should or keep my house like it should. At least I'm eating though. My daughter and I did not eat hardly anything for several week... Wed, 13 Aug 2008 23:48:11 EST Old Sparker/New Widow Hi Everyone, <BR> I have been with SP since May of 2007 and had tremendous success until we found out my husband had cancer. We battled for nine months and as you can guess from me joining this group, he lost his battle in June 2003. So here I am back at SP, and back to leading my local team, but there are very different issues in my life now that only others who are there can understand. So, hello and thank you for having this team... <BR> <BR> Sonja Wed, 13 Aug 2008 11:19:12 EST I'm new 2 the group Hi everyone. I'm new to the group, I didn't think I'd need to be a part of this group but I lost my fiance' in January 2008 and its been a rough 8 months, some months I do really good, other months I'm very very depressed..but only until recently, especially since August have I been really down... Our wedding would have been 8/17/ Sunday. I'm so alone right now and its hard to not console myself with food. I miss him so much, he was my everything. I'm glad I found a place to be help... Sun, 10 Aug 2008 01:48:55 EST NEW TO THE GROUP HI EVERYONE. I JOINED SPARKS A FEW WEEKS AGO. IVE ALWAYS HAD TROUBLE WITH MY WEIGHT. MY PROBLEMS FIRST BEGAN AS A CHILD WHEN I WAS THIRTEEN. MY FATHER PASSED AWAY FROM CANCER. I WAS ADOPTED WHEN I WAS THREE YEARS OLD AND WAS ATTACHED COMPLETELY WITH MY FATHER. MY MOTHER AND I JUST NEVER SEEMED TO CLICK. SO WHEN HE PASSED, MY WORLD STOPPED. i WAS LEFT WITH A MOTHER WHO COULDNT COPE AND MY BROTHER LEFT HOME. <BR> I HAD ATTEMPTED SUICIDE MANY TIMES. MY MOTHER BELIEVED AND STILL BELIEVES YOU HAVE... Mon, 4 Aug 2008 13:01:11 EST 21st birthday I thought I would be okay today. But I'm not. Matthew would be 21 today. It's all that I've thought about for the past couple of days. What would he be like, what dreams would he have fulfilled, etc. But mostly, why did he take his life? <BR> <BR> I asked his older brother (my only other child) if he was going to the cemetery with my husband and me today. He said no, which is usual and also okay. But then he said some things about Matthew that weren't very nice. I tried to stay neutr... Wed, 30 Jul 2008 11:42:10 EST Missin' my Mom It's funny that I just happened to see this group while browsing through the pages and I have been missing my Mom a great deal the past couple of days. July 10,2007 three days after my moms 68th birthday she had a mild heart attack. When they released her from the hospital they said that she had an advanced case of lung disease and told her she would have to wear oxygen all day every day. Two weeks later she had another, was in the hospital for a week and when they released her this time they... Mon, 28 Jul 2008 19:31:34 EST Handling lonliness after the loss of a loved one I lost my husband who was a minister to cancer in April 2006. We have one daughter that just graduated high school. Even though it has been over 2 years I still find myself lonely. My daughter pretty much has her own life with her friends and boyfriend. At times I find myself at odds with her because of worry and just letting her go since she has graduated. My family lives about 5 hours away from us and my deceased husbands family live in another state. I stayed in the same location aft... Sun, 27 Jul 2008 22:22:19 EST GriefShare Daily Emails These have been a royal blessing to me, and I thought others might like to sign up for them as well. Here's the web address if you'd like to. <BR> <BR> <link> </link> <BR> <BR> The material has a copyright or I would have shared their words here.... <BR> <BR> Yesterday's was about living in denial and the difficulty that can cause. Today's, Day 19 for me, was about embracing the grief. Both with words of encouragement and hope. <BR> <BR> I realized that al... Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:55:21 EST New Member/Looking for Advice on Sibling Troubles I am 28 years old. I lost my mother to leukemia the day before my 26th birthday. Last month was two years,and most of the time I am ok, but when I am not, I'm tired of overloading my boyfriend with it because he just doesn't understand. I met him about six months after she died, so he never got to know her and can never understand how big a part of my life she was. He lost his dad in 2000 (he is older than me), but he just deals with things much differently - I want to talk - he does things, ... Tue, 22 Jul 2008 15:11:52 EST I'm new here, but lost my wonderful son in 2005 My wonderful Robert lost his life at age 43 in 2005 as the result of a motorcycle accident. He left his wife and two children after just short of 20 years of a wonderful marriage. His zest for life was unparalleled, and his disposition was the joy of our lives. He served his family and country with honor and vigor. It's so wonderful to have found a place where I can share my experience in surviving the past three years and finding SparkPeople to improve my own health through weight loss. Than... Fri, 18 Jul 2008 14:08:26 EST I Lost My Mom Hi all. My name is Whitney, I'm from TN, 31, married, and have a 3-year-old boy. My mother passed away on June 7th. I still can't believe she is gone. In April she took my son to visit my grandmother in VA. While she was there she got a cough. When she got home she came down with flu-like symptoms and her doctor diagnosed her with bronchitis. 2 weeks later she was not getting any better, she actually got worse. Her doctor had her admitted to the hospital. After many many many tests she was di... Fri, 11 Jul 2008 22:24:17 EST Anybody home?? Hey all. I am going thru my teams..this is one team I really need to stick with. Fri, 4 Jul 2008 19:33:01 EST Expressing Grief through Art come join me Hi my name is susie after my father died of cancer on New years eve , I felt all beauty and color of my life fade away everything was black white and gray. <BR> I fell into a deep cycle of depression and almost lost my baby because I couldnt bring myself to eat i lived off of Ensure up until the day she was born,after she was born I was happy to see her but all sorts of aweful emotions kicked in.I went to see a therapist and she suggested expressing my grief through art, i thought she was a l... Thu, 3 Jul 2008 11:11:12 EST I seriously feel like I am losing my miind I just don't know how much more I can take. My stress level is sky high anyway and things just keep going wrong. I took most of the life insurance money my husband left us and spent it on a car, because we did'nt have reliable transpertation. We checked the trail blazer all out and could'nt find anything wrong with it and the lady seemed honest when she said there was nothing wrong with it. Her radio was set to christian music when we test drove it and it just made me beleive her. So I buy it... Wed, 2 Jul 2008 04:05:05 EST I'm new here My name is Rose but I go by Rosie and I lost my DH on March26.2008. I do have support from other teams I am on, but, thought I woould join here and maybe get more support. I have family that are close by and they have and are a big help to me. <BR> <BR> I am also on another team called Senior Widows And Widowers which I get lots of support there also. <BR> <BR> Just thought another on would help also. Wed, 25 Jun 2008 21:13:48 EST new member Hello, My name is Michelle. I just found this team and thought I would check it out and see if it will help me. I really never had to deal with grief until my mom passed away. I know people that did pass away but I was able to get over it. I lost my grandfather when I was 12 years old so I really didnt know much about death. Three and half years ago my step dad pass away I was upsit and cried for days but after a short time I was back to normal. I didnt know my step father that well my mom an... Wed, 18 Jun 2008 11:01:54 EST new member for an old grief let's see. i typed in 'grief' in the search and came to this group, so i figured why not? <BR> <BR> anyway, it's been almost 8 years since my mother died and i am just now entering the grieving stage. 8 years. seems like a long time. i finally went to the grave site june 8 for the first time since the headstone was laid. it was a lot. <BR> <BR> i don't like this stage. i don't want to feel sad about something that happened so long ago and it's hard to accept that i still feel the way that ... Tue, 17 Jun 2008 09:02:04 EST Hello Hi to all my Spark friends. So many things have been going on that I haven't visited in a while i.e., new job, house under construction, etc...... <BR> I just wanted to say hello to everyone. It's a beautiful sunny Saturday morning. I continue to pray for you all. <em>213</em> Sat, 14 Jun 2008 11:29:12 EST trying too hard I want to learn how to behave when nothing ever matters to me. <em>109</em> Thu, 12 Jun 2008 19:55:46 EST A MOTHER'S LOVE A Mother’s Love <BR> <BR> A mother’s love is something <BR> That no one can explain, <BR> It is made of deep devotion <BR> And of sacrifice and pain. <BR> <BR> It is endless and unselfish <BR> And enduring come what may, <BR> For nothing can destroy it <BR> Or take that love away. <BR> <BR> It is patient and forgiving <BR> When all others are forsaking, <BR> And it never fails or falters <BR> Even though the heart is breaking. <BR> <BR> It believes beyond believing <BR> When... Thu, 12 Jun 2008 12:45:04 EST Don't know how to move on... Hello there everyone, <BR> I found this team yesterday. I'm here because I know that my wt problem has to due with all the pent up sadness I realize I've been holding in. I am all my children have left and I want to be healthy for them. <BR> <BR> Here is what turned my world upside down (and I don't think I've been able to get right side up yet). <BR> <BR> It started with my brother's (22 yrs old) sudden death due to an accident. That was late '06. We were dealing with my dad's battle with ... Wed, 11 Jun 2008 12:39:38 EST Hello all fellow sparks Well this is a group I certainly was hoping I would never be a member of!!! I lost my wonderful son Jeffrey 5 years ago and have had an aching heart ever since. It was at that time in my life that I started packing on the extra pounds. I have only been a sparks member for about a month but love the support I get from all the wonderful members. <BR> <BR> <em>88</em> Sun, 8 Jun 2008 22:56:42 EST H E Y ..... Hi Everyone, <BR> <BR> I just joined this team today. <BR> <BR> I lost my Aunt Margie yesterday. She is my Mother's sister. My Mom died 10 years ago next month and my Aunt took me over as her own. She has been my Mom for 10 years now. I feel like I have lost 2 Mother's today. <BR> <BR> Please, keep me and my family in your Prayers. <BR> <BR> Thank you so much. <BR> <BR> Cindi <em>51</em> <em>46</em> <em>39</em> <em>28</em> Thu, 5 Jun 2008 13:52:56 EST Hi...New to team Hi all! Two years ago on June 12th my younger brother ended his life. The hurt has become easier to handle, but I still miss him every day. While trying to deal with this loss, I let myself go physically and gained weight. I know my brother would not want this for me so, I'm trying to take care of myself more these days. Have found awesome support on a couple of Yahoo groups and hope I'll find some here too. Thu, 5 Jun 2008 01:10:04 EST There is always hope I have lost hope in recovering from my mothers death but today it is if things are different. <BR> <BR> I was reminded of the Good shepherd (PS 23:4)that watches over his sheep and if I am willing allow Him to comfort me in my days of sorrow. Yes the pain of losing my mother is there but it is easier now. I have found peace with it and that she is no longer with me but is reminded that no matter where I go God took care of me. He was present though I felt like giving up He never gave up o... Tue, 27 May 2008 05:15:18 EST New to this group ... Good evening everyone, <BR> <BR> My name is Dorothy and I have been with SParkPeople for almost 1.5 years. I had lost 67lbs and regained 15 of them over the last 4 months. <BR> <BR> I lost my brother on April 24th from Medullary Thyroid Cancer. <BR> <BR> Each day there is a smell, sound, or something that reminds me of him. Either as we grew up together or during his last months that I spent with him. I am trying to get back into my original routine of exercise and eating, even my own ... Fri, 23 May 2008 00:41:09 EST Hello Everyone Hi Everyone! I'm Kristen, and I'm 19, surely one of the youngest around here. I lost my father due to a myriad of health reasons when I was 13, and still grieve on a daily basis. I'm not good with the bereavement process. In the past 6 months I have lost 5 people close to me due to car accidents/illness. The thing I struggle with most is just that it never gets easier, only harder because with each passing day, the memories fade. <BR> <BR> I hope to be able to get to know some of you and... Wed, 21 May 2008 11:59:18 EST I am Clay With the recent passing of my mother I wonderd why it hurts so much but in many way I might have found just a little tip of the iceberg. <BR> <BR> With this in mind I thought about it God wants to use me but before He can use me He needs to take me through this process although it hurts it is to get rid of the impurities and to mould me the way I was intended to be. Clay has no plans of it own, no aspirations for service nor reluctance to preform its given task. <BR> <BR> It is Moldable,pl... Wed, 21 May 2008 09:47:28 EST Hi there!!! My name is Martie and I lost my mom about 3 months ago and every day she takes up my thoughts and what she wanted for me. <BR> <BR> I am new to the whole grieving process. I am busy with a counselour to help me to accept her death but it hurts so much to think of her not being here anymore. I know in my heart that she would be proud of me and want me to remember her by the good we had shared. <BR> <BR> Martie Mon, 19 May 2008 06:49:12 EST An old loss... That first loss was so long ago that I've lived a lifetime beyond it. Now well into my 40s, I still remember that best friend who died at 10. Four neighborhood families have stayed in touch (even infrequently) all these years later. We've all had our losses though hers was the only childhood one. <BR> <BR> I am going back to my home state next month, memories are surfacing as I think of who and where to visit. I called her parents today. Hearing her father's voice today (and her mothers... Sun, 18 May 2008 22:37:06 EST What would you do???????? This is how is all started. After my husbands funeral. I flew back to Calif. with my daughter. I was there for two months. About the first week of being there. I e mailed to me friend Terri. I remembered a while back, when my husband and I moved from Grants Pass to Woodburn. My husband had a bronse horse that his father gave him when he was 8 years old. My friend Terri's daughter loved horse's and owned two of them. she also owned a tackle shop called the Eagle Nest, in Merlin Oregon. before ... Sat, 17 May 2008 20:42:08 EST I'll be away for quite awhile... I'm not just sure how long, but I am not taking care of other important things in my life. I have been using this site as an escape and have to face each day apart from it. I will miss you, my friends. You have helped me so much! I will keep doing my daily devotions on 'My Community Journal' for those who go there to read them. This is a difficult transition, but I know it's very important to my moving forward. <BR> I love you all and will not forget to pray. <BR> <BR> <em>220</em> <em>129... Sat, 3 May 2008 10:15:07 EST I'll be away for quite awhile... I'm not just sure how long, but I am not taking care of other important things in my life. I have been using this site as an escape and have to face each day apart from it. I will miss you, my friends. You have helped me so much! I will keep doing my daily devotions on 'My Community Journal' for those who go there to read them. This is a difficult transition, but I know it's very important to my moving forward. <BR> I love you all and will not forget to pray. <BR> <BR> <em>220</em> <em>129... Sat, 3 May 2008 10:13:48 EST Making Progress Hello Everyone <BR> <BR> I've made some progress today. I got my calories up to 900. I was doing like, 4 to 500 calories. sometimes less and today, I got to 900. Wow!I can't believe I made it to that. now, I just have to keep it up. not sure about that. <BR> <BR> Today was a better day for me, since my husband passed away. I got a mile walk in today. and then I got to spend some time with a friend (new friend) she just lifts my spirits. <BR> <BR> I'll cry my self to sleep tonight because ... Sat, 3 May 2008 01:58:01 EST The Good Morning Thread Hey all! I've had it rough these past days in the grief process. Anger, resentment..have not wanted to eat..too many cat naps. Not wanting to exercise. time to get of the pitty pot and back to the routine. Fri, 2 May 2008 09:53:33 EST Lost my husband recently Hello Everyone <BR> I just lost my husband recently and someone forward this team to me, to see about joining. I just joined and hoping to get the support I need. <BR> Maryann Wed, 30 Apr 2008 21:56:35 EST THIS ONE THING, I DO JUST FOR ME! Kelly's idea is SO GREAT! I hope that many will come here and say just one thing that they did for THEMSELVES daily, weekly, or monthly. It doesn't have to be anything big. For example, today I noticed how beautiful the magnolia tree is getting and gave myself a pat on the brain for planting it years ago and waiting through several seasons when it looked extremely dead and not just giving up on it. Now, it is big and flourishing and it makes me happy to see it. Much love and many hugs to each... Sun, 27 Apr 2008 19:11:40 EST Team Goals Idea Here I am with probably a corny idea but I'm going to put it out there anyway ;) <BR> <BR> Under our Team Heading - Goals, what about ... <BR> <BR> It isn't just our bodies we are improving - a healthy lifestyle change includes taking care of our mind/soul too. Most of us are also learning it's okay to take care of ourselves. That might sound obvious, but how many of us neglect ourselves, are so hard on ourselves? Feeling that it's okay to nurture ourselves the way we nurtured/nurture ... Sun, 27 Apr 2008 14:12:10 EST I feel So lonely It's been a month since my Husband was murdered in front of me and I still can't get the visions out of my head. I do okay when there are people around and there is stuff to do, but during the day when the kids are at school or like tonight when I can't sleep, I just can't get it out of my head. And I feel so lonely. I have my kids and my siblings, other family and spark friends, but it is just not the same thing as having my husband here to comfort me. I miss him so much and this just hurts ... Sat, 26 Apr 2008 03:11:21 EST New and Thankful for the Warm Welcome Hi everybody :) I hesitated joining this group because I have been afraid to feel the grief and losses, as if remaining in denial and not feeling somehow made me stronger. I come from a background of very stoic people and was taught to never cry. But during quiet yoga poses, hot tears began falling then streaming out. So here I am. <BR> <BR> <em>43</em> Thanks to a warm welcome from a lady here with a beautiful spirit, I decided to introduce myself. <BR> <BR> I'm not able yet to share... Sun, 13 Apr 2008 01:18:28 EST New and confused On March 26th my husband was murdered right in front of me. My mother in law was shot and survived and the gun jammed when it was my turn to be shot. I am so confused and I just don't understand why I am here and he is not, it should have been me, I was the one arguing with the shooter, not my husband, it just isn't fair. I feel so anxious and I am scared to death in my own home. I know the shooter is in jail, but I am petrified that he is going to get out some how and come to my house. I am ... Tue, 8 Apr 2008 02:25:15 EST Sites and Other SparkPeople Thought I´d start this thread for those occasions when we want to refer our team members to a site that has encouraged us, motivated us, made us chuckle, or surprised us. <BR> <BR> Also, the main reason I´m doing this today, to share another team member´s or other SparkPerson´s page or blog, who needs encouragement and an invitation to join our team. <BR> <em>220</em> <em>220</em> <em>220</em> <em>220</em> <em>220</em> <BR> This morning I read one of the SparkSpotLight Motivational pa... Tue, 1 Apr 2008 07:05:25 EST First Easter Sunday Happy Easter to all. This is my first Easter without Mama. I miss her so. It is a beautiful crisp sunny day and all my thoughts are of how wonderful it was to have her in my life. I would not be the woman I am if not for her. She enriched the lives of so many. I am truly blessed. <BR> <BR> My love and prayers are with you all. <em>220</em> Sun, 23 Mar 2008 10:18:28 EST My prayer for each of you as you grieve.... <link><BR>NR=1 </link> <BR> <BR> With love, Peggy Sat, 22 Mar 2008 18:23:03 EST New and Thankful for This Group Although I began with Spark in January, and was making pretty good progress, my efforts were interrupted by the loss of my father. He suffered a massive heart attack unexpectedly on February 11th, and my life has been a bit upside down ever since. I can't believe it's been a month already, but I have found comfort in knowing that I'll see him again and that we'll have eternity together in Heaven. Until day at a time! <BR> <BR> Now that it's finally Spring Break, I'm trying to... Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:47:52 EST Survivor Mom but still grieving Hello all: <BR> I joined SparkPeople almost a year ago but shortly thereafter the unimaginable happened. My 27-year old son took his own life. It was very unexpected, and he left no note. I am left with confusion, guilt, and sadness with this loss. Needless to say, my personal fitness goals went by the wayside. However, I'm now trying to get back on track. I started working out again this week, and am really watching my food intake. I'm happy to find this team and hope to find support, unders... Sun, 16 Mar 2008 23:35:05 EST learning to live with the loss.... I've been a member of SP for 7 months and was making great headway with taking better of myself.... until the morning of January 1 when we received a call that my older brother had taken his life - no note, no reason that makes any sense to anyone, no real warning - just gone.... needless to say my family and I went into a tailspin and I stopped my daily exercise routing, stopped watching what I was eating and just did the best I could to get through the day. 2 1/2 months later I've gained b... Sun, 16 Mar 2008 13:02:04 EST trying to move on It has been just over a month since my mom died. We have had the memorial service so the public part of it is finally over. Now it is just a day-by-day adjustment. I still catch myself thinking "I need to ask mom about that" or "I need to tell mom about that" and then I remember that I can't. Friday was my birthday and every year my mom would call and sing happy birthday on my answering machine. I always looked forward to it and this was my first birthday without it. I never realized how m... Mon, 10 Mar 2008 00:21:57 EST Thanking You All For Your Prayers Sorry to be posting this in the grief forum, but this is the only place I can find everyone at the same time. lol <BR> <BR> Just wanted to let you know I'm back and things have calmed down a lot. <BR> <BR> My mother was in the hospital for 10 days due to complications with her emphysema and as soon as she gets out my 2nd daughter is admitted with virul (spelling?) meningitis. They're both home now and recovering slowly, although I think my mom will always have to have oxygen at home. <BR> ... Sun, 9 Mar 2008 10:13:18 EST Hoping this group can help Hello All! <BR> Today is the day I decided to join some teams that I had bookmarked a while ago.... I'm naturally shy so it takes a bit for me to actually post. <BR> <BR> A bit about myself and recent my losses (sorry its kinda long): <BR> <BR> I've had three major losses in the past few years. The two biggest have been my father suddenly in April, 2007 and my husband's father in Oct, 2007. My father and I were very close and he got me through the worst years of my life (involving the th... Sun, 2 Mar 2008 19:53:42 EST Bad night Hi everyone - I am so happy I found this team. I don't know why I am having such a hard time tonight but I can't seem to stop crying. I have lost so many loved ones in my life but the one that is hardest is my Auntie. She is the most wonderful women that I have ever or will ever know. On January 24th, 2007 I called her and had an hour long conversation with her (this was a pretty short call) She was a little down but said that she was so lucky because she had such a great family to turn... Tue, 26 Feb 2008 21:04:42 EST Has this ever happend to anyone??? Im on antidepressants to help with post partum depression and to help me with coping with the loss of my father.My appetite is never sated I feel the urge to binge eat, and I feel drowsy and void of emotion.I have a 3 week old baby and a toddler to take care of and I dont like feeling this way.Its hard not to devour everything in my house I drink tons of water and eat lots of celery to get rid of that empty feeling after a meal.I dont know if this is a side effect of medication,post preganac... Tue, 26 Feb 2008 17:18:29 EST Hi I'm new to this team. It's been 5 months since I lost my Mom to lung cancer. I have good days and bad. Today was a bad one. I miss her so much it hurts. It helps to hear from others who are experiencing the same thing, as I don't feel so alone. I am in grief counseling and it is helping. Some days the tears just won't stop. It's amazing how sometimes the grief just overwhelms you. I pray tomorrow will be a better day. <em>39</em> Tue, 19 Feb 2008 21:36:06 EST Another friend gone.... I've known Chris since she was eleven years old. She baby-sat for my kids when they were tiny, then lived with us after she graduated high school. She died at the age of 44 due to diabetes complications. <BR> <BR> I thought I was doing fairly well, but am having axiety pains in my chest this morning. Trying not to turn to food for comfort, and started walking again....needed to get back at that anyway. Just writing this has helped some. <BR> <BR> Chris had a very hard life. Wed, 6 Feb 2008 13:30:08 EST Still Numb Hello everyone. My name is Deb. My mother died early Sunday morning. Although we did not expect her to live more than six months, none of us expected it to happen this quickly. It still just doesn't feel real. We had a viewing on Monday and I kept expecting her to open her eyes. For the past three days I've pretty much been off the wagon diet-wise and now I am trying to get back on track before I reverse what little progress I've already made. If it wasn't for my son (he is 9 months old) I'm ... Wed, 6 Feb 2008 11:15:13 EST I am FREAKING OUT! I got home late tonight - straight from work, I went to Aldi, then went to a lady's house to check out a hutch she was selling on Craigslist. Wonderful! Went to the boy's house for donner - had salmon, rice, green tea, broccoli, apple pie, and ice cream, and have come in UNDER MY CALORIES! YAY! <BR> <BR> I got home a while ago, and had a card from my Mom. Inside was a cashiers check cut from the bank out of her account (sneaky - not a regular check so I can't tear it up!) made out to me for ... Sat, 2 Feb 2008 00:49:14 EST Newbie I guess I am choosing this team to meet people dealing with the same thing I am and trying to loose the weight I have gained since my son died. He died August 4, 2007 in Baghdad, Iraq. He was an MP in the Army and was killed by an EFP which got him in the back of his head. I have been trying to deal with this and in the process lost my husband to divorce. It feel like things are totally against me and need to feel better about myself. I hope to do this on the site. Nice to meet you all. <em>2... Thu, 31 Jan 2008 20:36:49 EST Hey Hey Ya'll I'm Brittney, Im 20 yrs old and lost my Mom to Ovarian cancer two years ago. I never really connected my physical health and weightloss to my emotional turmoil until litterally just now as I was thinking about things with my Mom. I have a real hard time sleeping, i don't have nightmares It's just when I get quite I start thinking about things. So anyway I started crying and headed straight to the fridge. Luckily I caught myself and came straihgt to spark people. I guess I kinda had ... Sat, 19 Jan 2008 03:02:53 EST New Team Leader Hi, Everyone. <BR> <BR> Sorry I have not been around, but even though I haven't been active, I do check in from time to time. My mom sent me a note that you have all been wanting a co-leader, and going through the thread on the discussion, I decided to add SMURFETTE2423 as co-leader. <BR> <BR> I have been thinking of adding a co-leader for a while, but wasn't really sure how to bring up the subject. You all bring so much to the team. Reading the thread, I saw Laurie say she wouldn't mind c... Tue, 15 Jan 2008 09:59:33 EST Team Chat even though we don't have a stickyed chatting post yet, I thought I would start this one up for us to use until then (or this one can be made stickyed) <BR> <BR> Life here has been "interesting" but we keep plugging along. Tue, 15 Jan 2008 08:43:39 EST paying it forward Its been almost four years since my husband died, and now I have a chance to help out a friend the way my friends helped me out. do you all find that it helps you when you "pay it forward" Fri, 11 Jan 2008 11:18:30 EST Hello All... Hi all. My name is Marilyn and I am new here to SparkPeople and have found in my short time here a great level of support from strangers. It has been a true blessing for me. I have battled my weight all of my life and now it has become that much harder to fight because I just recently loss my dad. He passed away on November 9th, unexpectedly. He had been sick for for several years with congestive heart failure and had been battling strokes for the last 3 years. The strokes had left him ... Fri, 11 Jan 2008 09:13:04 EST Missing her Today is my daughter, Tawny, birthday. She would have been 36. I wasted the day away by doing very little. After my grdaughter got home from school, we took some flowers out to her mommas grave. Its hurts so bad to see my 13 yr old grdaughter stand there and cry and say its just not fair. Breaks my heart. Tue, 8 Jan 2008 20:18:25 EST Celebrating the memories 30 years ago today I married the man of my dreams. and we had 27 good years together. So today I choose to celebrate those years and all the memories. Mon, 7 Jan 2008 12:00:42 EST Hi I just lost my father New Years eve, he passed away after a long battle with cancer, I was by his side holding his hand when he slipped away into heaven.Im having a hard time coping because im pregnant and due to have a baby in February, and my dad wont be able to hold his newest grandchild breaks my heart.Im having a hard time keeping my baby weight on, because ive been forgetting to eat.Does anybody know if Sparkpeople can help in maintainng a certain weight,if I lose any more weight that I... Sat, 5 Jan 2008 05:43:29 EST Did You See Me Dancing?! I thought I´d go ahead and start this thread to honor Knuckles and the children dancing through the supermarket! I think I´ll be thinking of that everytime I grocery shop from now on! <BR> <BR> So, when you find yourself dancing, fess up so we can rejoice with you! If you find info, poetry, or songs about dancing, share them with us to give us a gri, too. <BR> <BR> Well, did you all see me dancing? I was bouncing around in my chair here at the computer listening to Christmas music?! I s´pos... Tue, 1 Jan 2008 15:43:21 EST New Year's Thoughts Hello My Friends-- <BR> <BR> Here I sit, alone on New Year's Eve. But I am not letting it deter my New Year's Celebration. I have some champagne, cheese and crackers. I wll call my kids and my brother at midnight. <BR> <BR> I vow this year to be kind to myself. My "official" diet plan starts tomorrow. I even made it through a movie today with no popcorn or soda. <BR> <BR> I will allow myself to grieve when I need to, but I will also try to honor my parents in ways that they would ha... Mon, 31 Dec 2007 18:21:16 EST A Pleasant Surprise! Since the holiday season began, I have really been missing my brother. <BR> <BR> The other night I saw him in my dream. I only saw his face and he looked soooo handsome as he had this great big smile on his face. He was saying something really silly, like he always did in life. <BR> <BR> He also looked very young and he had on a hat. I don't know what the hat meant as he never wore hats while living. <BR> <BR> I'm sure I dreamed of him because I've been thinking of him so much and I'm tear... Sun, 30 Dec 2007 19:49:29 EST it hurts why do some days so so much more than others. some times i even ask why can't i stop hurting. my son chris took his life 9 yrs ago, in NOv. he promised he would be here for new years eve. but he never made it. sorry for pouring out all my tears to you all, i know that you all have something that you are going through. Sat, 29 Dec 2007 13:12:16 EST Feel like I'm just slowly slipping away Since the loss of my daughter in Dec. of 04, my life has been bad days and good days. I have noticed that the past 3 months seems like I am getting more depressed and don't want to do much of anything. I do go to counseling and I try self talks, but it seems that I just don't have the energy to go on like this anymore. I don't seem to be able to move forward right now. I'm on antidepressants and I've read books, try and convince myself to get off my big ole booty and do something. I can't eve... Fri, 28 Dec 2007 00:20:16 EST Losing our first grandchild Losing my granddaughter she was 6 days old. We were looking forwarded to our first grandchild and Xmas this year. But my daughter losing her baby its hard to have a merry xmas.Hope next year is better. Rest in peace our little angel Braylee Nicole Richey. Thu, 27 Dec 2007 00:09:49 EST Made it through Christmas Day.... Hi, <BR> Well, Christmas Eve and Christmas day are done, and I got through them both. I was especially dreading today (Christmas Day). My two grown kids and myself got together - what a tiny little family! But we made the most of it, had a good visit, played board games, ate a yummy meal, opened gifts, and all in all it was pretty good. We even talked a bit about mom - not sad things, but funny things mom did or said. I told my kids I don't want to avoid talking about their grandma... th... Tue, 25 Dec 2007 23:14:05 EST In memory of your loved ones... I participated in a ceremony this past fall which was a comfort in the loss of my mother from pancreatic cancer in June. I can hardly believe she is gone, the moments of grief still come but I am trying hard to get on with things. Anyway, I found a site where you can light a candle, and leave a message. <BR> <BR> I lit one for my mom, and then noticed you could have a group, so I started one. The initials are SGL (for Sparks Grief and Loss), you can find it here: <link>www.gratefulness.o... Thu, 20 Dec 2007 15:13:32 EST Back again - two bereavements in two years Dear sparkfriends, <BR> <BR> You helped me earlier this year when I finally felt ready to get back on the wagon 9 months after my darling mother passed away. Thank you. <BR> <BR> One year, one week, and 6 hours after my mother died, her brother - my dear uncle - died. I fell off the wagon again. It's been an incredibly traumatic couple of years for me - a terminal brain cancer diagnosis for my mother on her 75th birthday in February 2006, losing her to the disease 4 months later, and then a... Wed, 19 Dec 2007 05:30:26 EST Dreading Christmas without Mom Hi, <BR> I lost my beloved mom on April 2, 2007. It has been a rough go, but I think I'm doing not too badly... seeing the grief counsellor every three weeks or so, and gradually doing better. That layer of healing is mighty thin, though, and it takes nothing for me to get emotional. I feel very vulnerable. I am constantly exhausted, no matter how much I sleep. I feel blah and kind of frozen a lot of the time. Hmm... maybe I'm not doing as well as I thought. :0( <BR> <BR> Now I'm facing ... Fri, 14 Dec 2007 18:41:09 EST A brief overview of our past sorrow I was reading over the different threads and decided that maybe this was one I needed to start. I really don't want to bum anyone out. My life is so wonderful now but as is with most of us, the old stuff really never dies. <BR> <BR> I have had so much happen in my life: <BR> <BR> S xual abuse @ 8 yrs old (had to testify against my abuser in court w/jury) no counseling in those days. <BR> <BR> Parental abuse most of early teens <BR> <BR> Parents died 10/69 when I was only 15 (murder/suic... Tue, 11 Dec 2007 14:28:42 EST Hi all Hi there, I'm Candy and I live in Florida. I have lots of old grief issues which I am not sure if I ever resolved. <BR> <BR> I found this site by reading about Peggy's grandma and realized that it might be a good place for me. Sun, 9 Dec 2007 17:10:41 EST Hello Hi, I'm new to your team. We are in the process of losing my mother. Watching her suffer is one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with. <BR> <BR> karen Sun, 9 Dec 2007 14:27:34 EST First Christmas Without Pops Lost my Dad in July. Thanksgiving wasn't too hard, but oy vey...Christmas approaching. I'm not decorating, not sending cards, haven't started shopping yet and really don't want to. I just feel so heartbroken. I cry more each day, for hours on end. I finally went out last night to see a friend's band play at a bar. They were playing gospel and old timey country, and it reminded me of last Christmastime or maybe 2005 around Christmas, my Dad took me to this firehouse in the small town where he ... Sat, 8 Dec 2007 13:33:49 EST My Grandma Today is my Grandma's birthday. She would have been 100 had she lived. She was 93 when she passed away. I just HAD to mention her. Her name was Sarah Lusk; she was a total piece of work, but so am I. :^) God's still workin'on that song. <BR> She used to hold me on her lap and read the bible to me when I was tiny. We built a walk-out basement apartment for her in our home (dear dear husband). She lived with us ten years...after she quit running the roads as much. She graduated high ... Sat, 8 Dec 2007 08:12:27 EST trying to start over i have joined a gym again i have gained 20lbs back since my loss i am going to try to get back to 145 i do have a elepticial at home but i just cant get on it my husband grandma just passed awy this week so man how to a handle the service all i will think about is my son laying in a coffin again i know it is just his body but still. since joining the gym i have lost 3 lbs i was over 160 again so maybe this is what i need is to get back on track maybe the baby will come sooner my mom keeps say... Fri, 30 Nov 2007 11:03:38 EST Holiday season isn't jolly for all.... I lost my granny almost 3 years ago, and yet, the holiday season makes me feel as if I've just lost her. The holidays was always spent with her, and now I don't know what to do with myself now that she's gone and I have to create new traditions for our holidays. My husband says this Christmas will be better, because we moved to be near his family and so the surroundings are different, and the people are different. I don't mean to be selfish or anything, but I'd rather be home, where there ... Wed, 28 Nov 2007 11:40:00 EST hi, I'm new here. I am new to loosing weight, but not new to grief. My son took his own life 9 yrs ago today. How I wish that it would get easier with time. sorry to pour all this out at once. thanks for being there. god bless <em>39</em> Mon, 19 Nov 2007 10:08:52 EST Sometimes.... Sometimes.... <BR> I feel like I really will survive all this and feel whole again. A new kind of whole yet still complete. <BR> <BR> Sometimes... <BR> I feel like I would just like to curl up in a ball and not face another single day without my lover. <BR> <BR> Sometimes.... <BR> The sweet memories flood my heart with joy at the remembrance. <BR> <BR> Sometimes... <BR> Those same memories break my heart. <BR> <BR> Sometimes.... <BR> I find real joy in living. <BR> <BR> Sometimes.... ... Mon, 12 Nov 2007 19:06:53 EST I spread my mom's ashes... My mom passed away April 2/07, after a lengthy and courageous battle with lung cancer. Mom and I were very close. I have been having a really hard time with losing her. I'm seeing an excellent grief counsellor, thank Heavens, and she is helping me. I have good days and bad, times of fond remembering and of sadness. I am glad for mom that she is no longer suffering, but lonely and missing her terribly. <BR> <BR> I wanted to share something that was very special for me. Last weekend I deci... Sun, 11 Nov 2007 19:52:14 EST Moving forward without Mom & Dad I lost my parents in March of 2007. My Mom died of a heart attack soon (days) after being diagnosed with GI cancer and my Father committed suicide 19 days later. It still does not feel real and I am battling depression, which I inherited from Dad. <BR> <BR> However, it's time for me to begin moving forward. I am now 34 and there's living to be done. I am using nutrition and exercise to battle all of this. <BR> <BR> Best to all, <BR> Annie Sun, 11 Nov 2007 16:46:15 EST one of my reoccuring nightmares since,,,,, my husbands death almost 4 years ago is how would I deal with evacuating everything (including my severly physically disabled son and all of his stuff, all the pets, my home office etc.)in the case of a wild fire. Well now I know I can do it and it actually went alot smoother than I thought it would (my 19 year old son was a HUGE help) <BR> <BR> we were one of the lucky ones in our neighborhood which lost over 300 homes. The fire came within half a block of my house and I'll be honest, w... Sun, 28 Oct 2007 14:25:01 EST It is time Hi all, I haven't posted a message for a very long time. I am back to commit myself to this life style change once again. I have kept off the 40 plus pounds I lost previously but still have another 60 or so to lose. So here I go again!! <BR> <BR> I lost my mum to cancer in June 2006 and am now coping very well but still shed a tear when I think about her sometimes, I guess that will never change. <BR> My dad has a new lady friend and she is very nice, we all like her a lot. My dad asked me... Sat, 27 Oct 2007 10:12:33 EST having a hard day having a hard day today. a year ago today my mom had a heart attack, it eventually led to her death in January and it also spurred my desire to become healthier and lose weight. I'm really conflicted, I feel so much better physically but I feel bad that her demise was my inspiration. I don't want to put my kids through what I witnessed with her, I don't want to put me through it again. It was a terrible way to die and it was because of her weight and I'm mad at her and inspired by her to chan... Sun, 21 Oct 2007 21:14:49 EST HELP its been almost a month since my mother past. and its getting harder to deal with. it hurts alot. i try different hobbies to put my mind at ease. but its not working. i spend time with my father but that hurts the most being there at the house. and im siting there for awhile and i wait hopeing that she will wall through that door any minute. or ill be sitting at her desk were she did all her work and ill be waiting for her to tell me to get out of her chair. its just little stuff that i keep ... Wed, 10 Oct 2007 19:33:34 EST Need Help Finding A New Team Leader!!! Good Afternoon Everyone!!!! <BR> <BR> I received a SPmail from one of the “co-leaders” of Motherless Daughters requesting a new team leader. Apparently the original founder/other team leader has not been seen or heard from since August. We are all very concerned about her. She was having a difficult time dealing with her grief when she offered the co-leader position. We have not seen or heard from her since. Now the person who took on the task is becoming overwhelmed with her daily r... Mon, 8 Oct 2007 16:59:26 EST Daddy's poem Some of you may have seen this poem but i thought that it would be nice to post it for those of you who have not to read <BR> I am not American but it touched my heart as we lost some of our own this day to <BR> <BR> Daddy's Poem <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Her hair was up in a pony tail, <BR> <BR> Her favorite dress tied with a bow. <BR> <BR> Today was Dad dy's Day at school, <BR> <BR> And she couldn't wait to go. <BR> But her mummy tried to tell her, <BR> <BR> That she probably sh... Tue, 2 Oct 2007 15:46:26 EST Fresh sadness in a new season [should have warned that this is long] <BR> <BR> Three months have come and gone since my mother's passing. Her body was laid to rest in a beautiful rural setting. I get some humor out of that fact as she was always such a city girl; however she did choose this location. As I remember that very warm summer day, I also picture it now in the coolness of autumn with the colors of changing leaves on the trees that dot the rolling hills. And I am filled with such a great sadness that I am ove... Tue, 2 Oct 2007 12:20:24 EST why i ask myself this all the time why me never did i think i would have lost my little boy how am i going to get though the holidays thanksgiving is next week. we went to a meorial yesterday for everyone that has past away we put same soil on a tree i was so drained when i got home. it has been 9 mouths but i still feel like he was here yesterday i get so upset so fast at little things but at the same time i forget somethings i really wish i never gave him time outs if i only knew but i cant be ... Mon, 1 Oct 2007 20:12:03 EST As if I wasn't sad enough It has now been 7 months since the death of my mother and 5 1/2 weeks since my brother's death. I'm still struggling through most days to accept their passing. Most days I still cry. My emotions are numbed most days, but are often mixed with anger and saddness when I do feel. <BR> <BR> Just as I found I was able to actually talk about my brother without breaking down, I am hit with the knowledge that my former sister-in-law is refusing to allow the life insurance policy to be used to pa... Tue, 25 Sep 2007 21:43:04 EST how to be strong for my children It makes me sad when my smaller children come and talk to me about their grandma, then they have to ask me when she is comeing back, it breaks my heart and i dont know what to say to them. i just tell them she is in heaven, and my little girl chloe she just looks at me. so is there is anything that i could tell them to make it less painfull for at least them? Tue, 25 Sep 2007 20:53:57 EST I've offically topped my grief with more.... Okay, so as some of you know I lost my mom 8 weeks ago to breast cancer (she was 57) and havent stopped crying since. I have a wonderful aunt who is very stable and logical and watch my boyfriend and I have a really bad fight which happens all the time. He's been getting divorced for 5 years now and I met him 4 1/2 years ago while he live on his own and he told me he was in the process of his divorce. So I have spent many tears, MONEY, energy and everything else trying to stick by him and HE... Tue, 25 Sep 2007 12:52:20 EST In search of the "perfect" recipe.... I apologize if this becomes repetative to anyone who is on more than one team with me, but I intend to place this on all my teams to stretch my question as far as it will go. <BR> <BR> We are having a baby shower for a friend of mine October 13th, with a Halloween theme. I have offered to make the cake (in an attempt to make it something I can enjoy, and not feel bad about eating). <BR> <BR> This is a "jack and jill" baby shower at a sports bar. The cakes will be decorated like jack o lan... Mon, 24 Sep 2007 09:57:24 EST Hurting so bad without my mom Has anyone lost their mom and felt like they've lost themselves? <BR> <BR> Loosing her and being a depressent has been the biggest challange of my life. She was only 57 and she died 6 weeks ago of breast cancer. I cry so often that I can't find a balance in my life anymore. I miss her so much, she lived next door and was my bestfriend. <BR> <BR> I was just wondering if anyone else out there has been in this situation cause I keep looking for ways to bring myself back, life seems so twiste... Mon, 17 Sep 2007 18:44:53 EST Is this normal? Hi everyone. I have been mia the last couple of months, busy with work and stuff. If you don't mind, I have a question. Is it normal to start the greif process all over again? <BR> <BR> My sister passed away last november. It has been a very rough year. The last couple of days I feel like I did when it first happened. I am constantly on the verge of tears, I got very angry at her this past weekend because My parents phone line got cut and I couldn't get a hold of them and thought som... Sat, 15 Sep 2007 22:35:47 EST A New Blessing! Hi everyone! God truly works in mysterious ways. I got a new granddaughter Sept. 6th. She came 12 days early and the mysterious part was; she was born the day before my brother's funeral (Sept. 7th,) a year ago. <BR> <BR> That certainly takes some of the edge off of that very sad day. It gives me something pleasant to think about, although there's not a day that goes by (even holding my precious Aliyah) that I don't think about him. <BR> <BR> Hope everyone's doing well. :) Sun, 9 Sep 2007 14:06:01 EST Waves of grief... Hi, <BR> I haven't posted for a while and thought I'd say hello and let you know I'm still here. <BR> <BR> Since August when we had the internment of mom's ashes between the graves of her mom and dad, I've been up and down. The internment was, for me, much more painful than her funeral in April. I think I was still very numb in April. I'm sure not now. I have days where I'm feeling pretty good and then I have a thought of her, or see something she would have liked that I can't get for he... Sun, 9 Sep 2007 13:44:58 EST My Story My name is Jo and on November 29, 2003 I lost my only son Aaron to the war in Iraq. He was only 22, had a finace and a full life ahead of him. Everyday I miss him and wonder who he would have been today. Every holiday, birthday,and anniversary the grief rears it's head full force. I have little memory of the first 6 months after his death which is probably a good thing. I am lucky that I still have my daughter and she has been my lifeline and blessed me with a granddaughter 13 months lat... Sat, 1 Sep 2007 23:07:04 EST Living without Her It has been three years since I lost my niece and it never feels like more than a day. Every moment of every day seems to be revolved around her. My days seem very long sometimes, and often I feel as if I have no one who understands how I feel. <BR> The people who do, my family, I cannot talk to because we all miss her so badly that we can't seem to speak to one another about it. I am hoping by joining this, perhaps someone will be able to help me...and who knows maybe I can help someone... Tue, 28 Aug 2007 00:12:36 EST New here! I joined the team about a month ago, but just now had the courage to introduce myself. <BR> My name is Carla and I lost my husband in december/2001 and it is still hard. Some people say that the time will make it heal... maybe, but how long?????????????? <BR> I have to admit that I'm better than before. I decided to stop my anti-depression meds and doing ok so far after 6 months. <BR> I still can't talk about it without crying, but at least it is not 24/7 anymore. <BR> My son doesn't want ... Mon, 27 Aug 2007 18:05:47 EST New Member Hi Everyone, <BR> My name is Patty I am new to this group.I lost my Best Friend(Mom) in Nov 2005. I am in a very BAD state of depression and can't get myself out of it. I am on meds for depression. I then lost my job in Jan 2007.I have no income except my husbands my son also lives with us(he is 24 years old) My husband wants to move to NC he says there is better paying jobs there but has yet to show me proof I DON"T WANT to move out of Pittsburgh I have been here all my life. He moved here... Fri, 24 Aug 2007 10:45:52 EST My 1st Birthday Without My Mother!!!! Good Morning Ladies!!! <BR> <BR> Just wanted to check in briefly before it got too late in the day. I have been up since 4 AM!! Today is my birthday...first one without my mother, first family "celebration" since she died 7 weeks ago!!!!! I have been on an emotional rollercoaster all week long but this morning things are calm so far. <BR> <BR> I’m going to work in a while. Spending a quiet evening at home with my wonderful patient man. Going to meet with my brother and niece sometime ... Fri, 24 Aug 2007 09:07:35 EST