I am sorry to hear that your health has given you some cause for worry. Unfortunately it sounds like it has (at least) contributed to Depression. I really think that you should be making an appointment with your Dr and tell him/her how you are feeling and why. If you don't have a Therapist, PLEASE ask that you be referred to one. They will be able to help you deal with the grief, etc. that you are suffering as a result of your health, and other negatives in your life. It may also be that some medication is indicated for your Depression, too!
You may have had a goal to drop 50lb, but the fact you haven't is no reason to be beating yourself up. Sometimes our expectations are a little too high for ourselves. We need to learn to be a little more realistic and to accept that we don't always get what we plan, AND sometimes, also, what we plan isn't the best for us. You mention that your weight HAD been 113lb when you were 20! Well, you aren't 20 now - our body changes over time - and it may have been that 113lb was too low for you, anyway. IF this was the case, then you may be using this possibly unhealthy weight as a bench mark.
I suggest that while you are with your Dr, talk to him/her about your weight issues, too, and possibly ask for a referral to a Registered Dietitian who will be able to take your health issues and medications into account as well.
BTW - ENJOY the cruise with your Mum :-)
| current weight: 151.0