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GEORGIABELLE1
Posts: 13
9/3/13 8:09 A

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I'd have to say I've been the food pusher in my house, but as I'm getting my priorities straight, I'm pushing healthier foods, like fruit instead of brownies.



DAVIDJACKSON01
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9/2/13 1:19 A

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My mom and sisters are pushers. But I don't believe they know they are doing it.



SIRENALEANNE
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9/1/13 10:40 P

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I tell food pushers "I don't eat ::::insert said food::::::" So far it's worked.

"The future is no place to place your better days."
- Dave Matthews Band, Cry Freedom

"Gotta do much more then believe, if we really want to change things." - Dave Matthews Band, Gaucho

Start Small - End Big - Don't give up! - You can do it!
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GODZDESIGN95
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9/1/13 6:53 P

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MADEIT3 great idea especially eat it for me and you re right they want to eat something full of calories and thinks it will not be so bad if they have help eating the food.

PAT FROM THE EAST COAST.

REJOICING IN HOPE, PATIENT IN TRIBULATION, CONTINUING STEADFASTLY IN PRAYER.

ROMANS 12:12

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BLINGQUEEN:O)
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9/1/13 5:16 P

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Food pushers, food enablers, guilt trippers, I have dealt with them all in my long journey with disordered consumption. emoticon
Because I have been off and on diets, I have become very unpredictable diet person. People have offered me food, bought food for me, left food for me, handed me leftovers when they were finished eating..... anything one can imagine because my eating patterns were so erratic.
Today, I am dealing with a hubby and sis-in-law cooking all day in our kitchen. None of the food is what I will choose to eat today. Here is my plan and what I found works with food pushers:
First, compliment, "Wow that sure looks/smells good!"
Next, a gentle decline, "Today, I'm not going to try any...."
Bring it back to them with such gratitude, "But, Thank You! You go ahead and have my share!
Use humor to end it with: "I will live vicariously through your taste buds!"

TA DA! food pushers be gone! emoticon

This method has worked for me and I hope it helps!


BLINGQUEEN:O) sends you {{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}} can you feel them? :O)


TINYDBS
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9/1/13 2:21 A

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This is a great topic. It is worth learning to deal with this issue early in your journey because it will delay your progress if you are constantly giving in to people as an attempt to be polite or keep the peace or even just maintain the status quo in your relationships. I have been dealing with this to a certain degree my self lately.

That said, I am appalled by what I see in some of these posts! I find it simply OUTRAGOUS that some of the behaviors that are described here actually happen. A few of the things listed here are so inconsiderate it is hard for me to not type exactly what I think about it, which definitely would not be appropriate for a public forum.

I have struggled with my own food issues for so long and have slowly but surely made progress. I'm talking slow! I could not imagine what it would be like to desperately want to change and have the people close to me be blatantly unsupportive and, in some cases, purposefully sabotage me.

I feel for every one of you and I hope that you are able to get the support you need in spite of your environments. It is harder when you are just starting out because your "will power" muscles are not as developed but I promise that over time you will get stronger!

"Right now, make a quality decision that you are going to be and do whatever it takes to create your desired goal"


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FRUGALISTA54
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8/31/13 2:04 P

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Too bad that these food pushers do not understand how they push us away with their food love. My mother is fond of doughnuts and I have had to be very firm that I will not be having a doughnut every time we go for coffee. I am clear when I am focused on healthy eating. At nearly 90 years of age she can really play the guilt card as if I was withholding my love just to look good. If she chooses to remain ignorant of nutrition. , I regret to say that I will not be joining her on that journey. emoticon

Edited by: FRUGALISTA54 at: 8/31/2013 (14:05)

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YEENEKARA
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8/31/13 11:07 A

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Wow, what a great topic. I soooooooo relate! My mother is a food pusher. She always has goodies when I visit. She says, " I got your favorite chocolate, nuts, chips...." (etc..) Then she jokes by occasionally saying "Oh my big, voluptuous girl, with the big derrier and big legs, who I love sooooo much". This is her way of complimenting me, given her European background, which appreciates larger women. She is unable to empathize, believe me I have exhausted all options and now accept that I cannot change her thinking. So I just politely and persistently decline when she continually reminds me the goodies are there and sometimes I eat some; really depends on how I am feeling that day. I have learned rather than arguing or trying to convince others to come on over to the other side, I accept that "It is what it is" and take it one hour, day, week or month, at a time. Good luck to all with your goals!! Currently I am doing a 12 day detox diet, to help stay on track and kick start weight loss, after a plateau.

Yeenekara


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BOBBYJUNE
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8/30/13 8:51 P

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hang in there. don't give up emoticon



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LM2760
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8/30/13 11:47 A

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my hubby also, but I have only seen him 3 days this month. so he does it just to get rise out of me. when I am home for a while he helps me except for sweets but he makes what I do not like. helps me cook healthy for me he just eats more.

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SUZE7457
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8/30/13 11:07 A

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My husband is a food pusher too. He tells me what I should be eating and then cooks meals that are not diet healthy. I too eat it and get very mad at myself. Just say no & mean it is what I need to do. Chips are my downfall and he will bring them home from the grocery store. If they are not in the house I am fine but when I know they are in the cupboard it is very hard to resist...

“If I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”


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NEVERMIND2010
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8/30/13 8:05 A

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Ok, I have to vent here. My husband is such a food pusher, all the while, giving me advice about what to eat, how to work out, etc.

Today, we went to the gym where I did a class and ran/walked on the treadmill while DH did his own workout and went to the sauna. On the way home, he stopped at Hardee's because DS had called and wanted a hotdog. I told him I didn't want anything. He asked me twice. I said no, I don't want anything. When we got home (and I was all set to go take a shower while they were eating so I wouldn't be tempted, and then make a nice protein smoothie), he told me he had gotten me a hamburger anyway, but I didn't have to eat it.

Well of course I didn't HAVE to eat it. No one was going to hold a gun to my head and force me. But of course, I DID eat it. And it wasn't good, and I was mad at both DH and myself. I'm still mad. In fact, I'm furious. (And this comes out in other ways, in which I'm very short-tempered with DH for no apparent reason.)

This is SO not healthy - physically or emotionally.



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LM2760
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8/29/13 6:33 P

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my hubby and sisters are pushers. but i don't think they know they are doing it.

13 lbs. in 13 weeks/start 9/25/2012


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LM2760
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8/29/13 6:30 P

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alexi,

i agree with you on people.

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DELLA81156
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8/29/13 6:20 P

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My other half is my food pusher. He buys chocolate covered graham crackers knowing they are one of my favorites, then puts them under my nose and ask if I want some.

Della .


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JUNIFERP
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8/29/13 2:10 P

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My mom is a huge food pusher and so are a few of my friends. They make me feel guilty for not eating what they are eating probably because they are the ones feeling guilty for eating it.



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MCASKEY6
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8/29/13 1:45 P

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I just had a friend going through the office trying to unload some Hershey Miniatures Chocolate. He gave me three pieces. I smiled and thanked him, then I stuck them in a drawer and got them out of my head. But when people kept bringing up the chocolate, wanting to know if I'd had some, etc, I looked up the calories. The Hershey Company does not post the calories online, but I did find another page that lists them as 42 calories per miniature. That's 126 calories if I eat all three.

Nothing like a nutritional facts to kill a craving. ;)



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ITSABSURD
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8/29/13 9:28 A

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Lately I've had less food pushers in my life. It's nice!



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RLEEGIRL
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8/29/13 9:12 A

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My husband is the biggest food pusher....I had surgery and my stomach is small...but he keeps insisting that I must eat more ...you eat like a bird you need more....what you didnt even eat anything....oh yea I ate plenty ...leave me the hell alone..LOL



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ALEXIE368
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8/29/13 8:49 A

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Food is such a primal thing and how we relate to it can bring up all sorts of uncomfortable things. When I was losing weight fast, a number of people suddenly decided the thing I most needed in the world was a high calorie snack. It was bizarre. It was a real struggle to stand up against the food coming my way. Now I look back, I think people liked me the way I was and making such a drastic change signalled that maybe I was going to change as well, or maybe my relationships were going to change, and people who genuinely cared about me didn't want that to happen. I think these are all unconscious processes, but they're very real.



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ELIZABETHREBECC
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8/29/13 8:12 A

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My Grandma is a food pusher. I always ask for savoury foods which help. When she does give me cakes or biscuits, I keep them for guests or take them into school to give to my students.



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WISHNDREAMNDO
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8/29/13 1:25 A

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great ideas!

~Robin~

“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs…one step at a time.” ~Joe Girard


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ANDULKA
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8/28/13 12:38 P

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Brilliant - I like the giving it away to neighbors idea (since I do not work outside the home).



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LM2760
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8/28/13 8:00 A

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fifi

you have such a great idea

lisa

Edited by: LM2760 at: 8/28/2013 (08:01)
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FIFIFRIZZLE
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8/28/13 5:45 A

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I have started to give food away. When someone brings food and there is some left, I send it home with them. If that is awkward, I freeze it in small servings, if I am interested in eating the food later, but most often now I repackage it and drop it over to the neighbors with a note, or take it into work for colleagues.Then everyone is grateful and no one is slighted.
I don't know why it took me so long to get to grips with this simple fact:
You don't HAVE to eat it!!!!!
I now get a totally different enjoyment out of baking, and I have stopped feeling anxious about having tempting foods in the house, or around me.


Edited by: FIFIFRIZZLE at: 8/28/2013 (05:48)
Reframing my thinking to release excess weight forever.

If you always do what you always did... You always get what you always got!


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LM2760
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8/27/13 7:25 P

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my sister and hubby bring sweets or bake all the time. jeanne has gotten better about not as many sweets.
i have his problem when she comes home i think its ok to eat and blame her.

13 lbs. in 13 weeks/start 9/25/2012


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SNOWBECH
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8/27/13 6:33 P

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My mom is also a pusher. You have to stand your ground. Eat it, but less of it. 1/2 a bagel is better then trying to satisfy yourself with everything else.

I hope the kids learn as much from me as I do them.


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ANDULKA
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8/27/13 1:30 P

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My advice, just politely decline (and do not get made at them for offering you food). It is polite to offer food and very frustrating when people lecture you on the fact they are trying to lose weight. I know who will likely offer me less than ideal foods and plan accordingly. When I know I will be in a position to see unhealthy choices, I either plan the rest of my meals around that (so I can say "yes" to at least one thing) or I eat ahead (assuming I wasn't invited for a meal) and then say "no thank you" ("I'm not hungry right now" - if needed).
I do NOT give a talk about how I am trying to lose weight. I have a January birthday and am very tired of the same people making a cake for me each year and then not eating any because of their "New Year's Resolution". I am also tired of politely offering people a cupcake at my kids birthday party and get the "I am trying to lose weight" comment - since it makes me, the one offering, feel like an bad person for "tempting" them away from their diet.
If you are going to a party and NOT going to have any of the food there, just say "No thank you". It is easier for everyone.

Regarding comments about weight - ignore it. Instead of telling them what you are trying to do (since you know there is no support to be found there), just let them see what you have done (and find support in your friends instead).



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JOYELLE22
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8/27/13 10:17 A

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My mother and siblings are always pushing unhealthy food, then making very negative comments about my weight. However, if I explain that I am trying to make healthier choices, they make fun of that also. Instead of being supportive, they say things like "Why bother? You'll never lose any weight" and "Do you think you're gong to look like Miss America?" Their sarcasm is very hurtful and even when I try to explain this, they still continue their behaviors. Very frustrating!



GMALUCKY13
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8/27/13 10:12 A

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A Great article! Thanks for Sharing!

"The Food You Eat Today is walking and Talking Tomorrow"
Jack LaLanne


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CRISCOBEAR
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8/26/13 12:21 P

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This is a very difficult situation. Luckily you appear to be getting some very sound advice.
Through my own experiences its best to not muddle the waters of the one person that will always be on your side. She is probably very used to her own ways then to add to it another family has moved into her space. The fact that she is seeing her baby girl hurt, her grand babies hurt and all out of place, I bet "food pushing" is really just her trying to smooth the hurts and pains.
I was able to back down a "food pusher" that refused to listen to my words about a healthy life style by simply sitting down and explaining the reasoning I have for changing. At first she was very stand off-ish with me. (this is my sis by the way) But as I explained that it wasnt about me being ungrateful, snotty or any other negative tag for denying the extra large fountain sodas, candy bars or fatting dips (my sister makes an unbelievable dip that is nothing but but fats and empty calories) it was simply my way of controlling what was going into my body in order to be healthy and live a more sustainable life. Granted it headed toward a screaming fit that im just being selfish; it eventually got worked out. I leterally changed gears and made it all about her, that even though she is amazingly awesmoe at making dips, ever so sweet for always thinking of me by bringing my old favorites around; I felt horrible that she spent so much money and time on things that are just mouth watering awesome. After all that and making it all about my gratitude for her time, money and thoughts; she realized she was being way too extreme about this topic. So we plan a day twice a month that we go to lunch (rotating turns picking or cooking) and just spend an afternoon catching up. Now that she feels like she is more appreciated (plus I did move out lol ) and in control its been great. she even took the effort to look up recipes from sp to use on her cook days.
hiding, moving out, or staying irritated is eventually going to back fire. Its no promise that your food pusher will react the same way, but in the end you at least know you have done all you could to smooth the waters.
Good luck and remember only you can control you.

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.



Eleanor Roosevelt


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SUZE7457
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8/24/13 10:35 A

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Good idea. I will definitely use the second one. I live with a food pusher and just don't know how to say no. I love all the ideas I get on Sparkpeople.

“If I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”


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FIFIFRIZZLE
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8/24/13 4:28 A

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Hey there Bluephenix, I used to feel helpless around food too and it is such a relief to be able to control what foods are in my home environment, it takes a lot of pressure off me. And right now this must be a pressured time for you, a divorce, and moving in with your mother. Not having your own space, and probably not feeling at your most successful and in control of your life right now. If you are anything lke me, staying with your mother would make me strangely revert from a mature competent adult, albeit with weight issues, to the child we will always be to our dear mothers.
Now, this might sound harsh, but I'm not sure if anyone else has posted on this subject, and I think it might be helpful here.
Your are living at your mothers house. It is her house and her kitchen. No matter how gracious she is being, and how happy she may be to be able to help, it is hard for me to believe that an adult getting on in years can really relish having her daughter and grandchildren move in for an undetermined, but seemingly lengthy period.

She has accepted you all into her home to help you out. You are family, but YOU are adult family and a guest in your mother's home. So, dredge up your manners, and behave like a guest.

Be gracious and grateful. Fit in, be respectful. Don't complain. Show appreciation. If your mother annoys you, suck it up. Do not show by word or deed that you are bothered. If you need to let off steam, take a walk. It is the very least you can do. Her house has been invaded, give her a break. And if she needs another, give her another break! Fostering a spirit of gratitude will have spinoff benefits for you that you can't know yet.

Everybody, not just you, your mother, too, likes to have their own space that they can control. Right now, the only space that you can legitimately control, is your body and what goes into it. And of course, your thoughts and head space.

Here you have a perfect opportunity to let your mother take care of your children so you can concentrate on yourself. So get on with it. And make the most of it.
emoticon

Edited by: FIFIFRIZZLE at: 8/24/2013 (04:42)
Reframing my thinking to release excess weight forever.

If you always do what you always did... You always get what you always got!


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CEDARBARK1
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8/23/13 8:28 P

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Big hugs and hopes for you, BLUEPHENIX. You sound like your priorities are in focus!

Got rid of the ticker cuz my scale decided to flatter me unduly. I haven't re-gained, just got a better, honest, scale.

Just because you steam it, doesn't mean you can't add herbs and spices. (A gripe at those insipid restaurant "healthy choice" menu selections.)



My blog: goatsandgreens.wordpress.com


STARMONICA
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8/23/13 8:41 A

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my mom is too. It's frustrated me.



CICELY360
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8/22/13 2:40 P

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You have to be strong and tell your mom how you feel. Do it with tact though because most food pushers do it out of love.



SE2832
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8/21/13 2:26 P

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I hope everything works out for your family. A plan is a good thing.

And while there are a lot of pushers out there, there are healthy lifestyle angels out there as well. I had a very fit grad student who was very supportive of my change in lifestyle. His girlfriend brought a huge chocolate cake in for his birthday, and after I declined politely and she tried to hand me a piece he pointed out what she was doing and asked her to stop.

They are out there, and it's so good to have them rooting for you!



BLUEPHENIX
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8/21/13 2:14 P

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Hey everyone! Thanks for all the great advice. I haven't check in here in a while so imagine my surprise when I saw this in the hot topic box!

Anyway, I just wanted to give a little update/ more info. I know that my mom loves me but judging by her actions/words in other aspects of our relationship I believe this is a control thing for her. Ultimately, I have decided that moving out asap is going to be the best decision. I have focused on that as my only goal and I am working diligently toward meeting it.


I am glad that I posted this personal issue though. With all the comments I realized that this is not an isolated thing that will not disappear when I move into my own place. Food pushers come in all forms and do it for various reasons-love, control, acceptance to name a few. From what I've gather from all your comments it is up to each one of us to stay strong and focused. Fortunately for me I now have a massive tool box (ie all of your suggestions) to help me through the next time I have to deal with a food pusher whether it's my mom, co-worker or future love.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Edited by: BLUEPHENIX at: 8/21/2013 (14:16)

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BLUEMARSHMALLOW
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8/21/13 2:12 P

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I can only imagine your struggle! My mother is the complete opposite! So there hardly ever were/are any tempting/unhealthy treats in the house!

“It is wonderful how much time good people spend fighting the devil. If they would only expend the same amount of energy loving their fellow men, the devil would die in his own tracks of ennui" - Helen Keller


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MCSCRAPM
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8/21/13 1:50 P

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thank you Caren_Blue Jeans for the list. I especially liked #4 and # 7. I hear that alot from my mom.



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MCSCRAPM
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8/21/13 1:46 P

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oh I like this. This is a great list and good perspective. Thank you for this post!!



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MI-ELLKAYBEE
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8/21/13 8:46 A

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I TOTALLY ignore them and eat what I want!

“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you”
(Matthew 7:7, NLT)


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MADEIT3
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8/21/13 8:23 A

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I tell most people that if I eat "that" (whatever that is) they will have to take me to the hospital. Since I'm diabetic, it shuts everyone down fast. Aren't we all eating healthy for our health?

I've also used, "no, you want it so you go ahead and eat it for me," and again, that shuts folks down. In my experience, food pushers just want to eat themselves and feel better if they can get you to eat with them!

Stacy, KS

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. - C. S. Lewis

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COO_KIE
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8/20/13 7:50 P

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My mother was different. For the most part, she didn't push food. BUT, if I let it slip that I was 'being careful' or dieting, she would start baking and sending cookies, cinnamon rolls, cake to my husband and children. "They aren't on a diet, you are!"
I had to be very secretive about dieting. If I didn't mention the D word, and she noticed a loss, the goodies would come. Yet, she would comment about my weight............not vicious, just digs.

Even as she aged and no longer baked, she would purchase stuff for my husband....3 pound cans of cashews?? (My favorite.) Yeah, it was sabotage. She is 92, in a nice assisted living facility where they prepare all her meals. She sends him Snickers and cookies. Being gluten free, I am OK with cookies around. But, my #1 candy is snickers, they are gluten free, and she is aware of that. Nope, she won't change. I put the candy in his basement workroom. I have no idea if he pitched them or is eating them.

If this was your last day, how would you spend it?


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SKYVALLEYGAL
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8/20/13 6:39 P

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Guilty as charged here too! I have also hidden leftovers to keep DH from scuffing them down when I know he's not hungry and doesn't need them!

Quote by the late Zig Ziegler: when people tell me, "Zig motivation never lasts". "I tell them, bathing doesn't either that's why I recommend it daily". Myfavoritemotivationalquote


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FINIKITY
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8/20/13 12:34 P

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I have taken the food and later thrown it away to to get rid of the food pusher.

If stress burned calories, I would be a supermodel!


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SOAPSANDROPES
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8/19/13 7:58 P

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I have some friends who are food and booze pushers at parties. I have learned that if you keep a full glass of water and keep insisting that you are fine they will eventually leave you alone. I also try to bring very healthy things to a party so I know that I have at least one thing to go for.



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AGILECAT
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8/19/13 7:18 P

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I love Caren_Bluejeans lists--very useful! To her reasons pushers give, I would add my mom's favorite: "Oh, c'mon, you're only young once!" Which makes NO sense, of course. I was the "baby" of the family. I never heard her cajole, entreat, pout and push food at my brother or sisters, although maybe she did before I came along. My siblings never had weight issues.

Eat to fuel your body, instead of working out to offset calorie consumption.

Courage comes from the Old French for "heart". To be courageous literally means to do something heart-felt.


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REDMOUNTAIN
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8/18/13 11:32 P

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My mother was a food addict and a food pusher. She would have temper tantrums and try to make you feel guilty if you didn't eat what she wanted you to eat. It all went back to control issues. Now I struggle with my weight. I never learned portion control or restraint.

I find while I am not a pusher, I am an enabler and when I binge or go off my healthy food plan, I bring home junk food for others.

I am working on my issues regarding food and not enabling the others in my house.



The journey of 1000 miles starts with a single step.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Let go and let God.


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GODZDESIGN95
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8/18/13 10:36 P

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It also goes beyond food pusher. Why do we feel bad for refusing unwanted food? Better still why do the food pusher get offended if we refuse? It seems like a power play.

PAT FROM THE EAST COAST.

REJOICING IN HOPE, PATIENT IN TRIBULATION, CONTINUING STEADFASTLY IN PRAYER.

ROMANS 12:12

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FRUGALISTA54
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8/18/13 9:15 P

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Just had The Talk with dh because he has begun a habit of feeding me little bread and emoticon morsels before dinner. I explained that I understand his intention but that I need him to let me choose a snack according to how many calories I have left for the day. He got my drift so I will not feel like a b* if I turn down his treats He knows better so I expect he will do better. His a bright guy no matter what.
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QUEEN-EYDIE
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8/18/13 8:47 P

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"No, thank you" should be enough. I say it should be, but some people are relentless! But I know if you cave in, the food pushers will never take you seriously.

"Optimism is an act of bravery."

"Choices, not sacrifices."


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KIRSTENLH
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8/18/13 6:16 P

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Terrific observations and advice.



GODZDESIGN95
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8/18/13 4:44 P

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I have learned to say no thanks, I'll have it later, or plan ole put it in the freezer for an special occasion. throw it away. Teach them to love you without it being food related. my family is ok with me becoming healthy now my hubs is another story. He is learning to love me without giving me food I do not need. habits die hard but it may take a life of teaching yourself and others. Do not give up on yourself. You are worth it!!!!!!!!!

Edited by: GODZDESIGN95 at: 8/18/2013 (16:45)
PAT FROM THE EAST COAST.

REJOICING IN HOPE, PATIENT IN TRIBULATION, CONTINUING STEADFASTLY IN PRAYER.

ROMANS 12:12

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CAREN_BLUEJEANS
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8/18/13 3:07 P

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I have lost 33 pounds so far and have 31 more to go. It's a long, slow process to lose this weight. That's a lot of time to run into temptations, frustrations, and highly charged emotional situations that can lead to overeating incidents.

Sometimes people say things to entice me to eat. They can be well intentioned or they can be saboteurs. I can call them "fat enablers" and "food pushers," but at the end of the day, the only saboteur or enabler is ME. I have 100% control of what I choose to put in my mouth.

Even so, I have to be prepared for the things people say, because I can't change other people, I have to change my reaction to them. If I look longingly at so-called forbidden food, I'm almost inviting them to encourage to me. The world is full of people who say the wrong things at the wrong time. Deal with it!

10 things people say to entice me to eat:

1. It's a special occasion
2. Pastry (pie, ice cream, cake) doesn't count
3. The calories run out of the cookie when it's broken
4. You're not fat (you lost enough already) (don't get too skinny)
5. Just this once
6. It's a tradition
7. One is not going to kill you
8. Live a little
9. I made this just for you

~~~~~

10 things to do to a food tempter:

1. Counter them by being a healthy choices enabler
2. Stop caring what they think about me
3. Tell them I don't like sweets very much (white lie)
4. Donuts sit in my stomach like lead (true)
5. Say I'm full
6. Act like I'm not at all tempted
7. Say I only have (blank) once in a while, like my birthday
8. Change the subject
9. The long answer: I've been doing so well lately. Since April I've lost on average half a pound a week, by maintaining a small caloric deficit daily. I want to keep it up. I want to get to a healthy weight more than I want a piece of (blank).
10. The short answer: No

(from my blog)

Living the life of the fit & healthy person I want to become.

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roups_individual.asp?gid=59674


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LOVINGAFRICA
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8/17/13 11:45 P

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Heard this tip on Spark Radio: Don't say I can't eat that, it is not good for me, I am no a diet etc. (The well intentioned ones will feel that they have to give you permission) Say 'No thank you I don't eat sugar'
Pushers back off from people with food aversions and finicky eaters. (Thanks Lily, it works!)
I am so happy for my Gastric Bypass. I just say, 'Can't have that, if I do you will have to drive me to hospital'
(Not really true, dumping is like a panic attack, feels like dying but is actually 'safe' but true enough to really get them to back off, and I don't have to feel that I am lying)
How funny are the lengths I have to go to in order to escape my pushers?
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'You know you are truly alive when you're living among lions.' Karen Blixen, Out of Africa


'The measure of civilized behavior is compassion.' Paul Theroux


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WOLFKITTY
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8/17/13 10:50 P

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The only childhood pushing I had was to finish my food/plate. My sister was much more rebellious and I was obedient - she ended up naturally thin and I've been heavy my whole life (she's also 3-4 inches taller than me).

At work I am w/a small team all day, working closely. A new girl has taken over one that recently left as the food "encourager". I believe she does it out of not wanting to be judged herself.

I think all the behavior regarding food has way more to do with other people's relationship to it, rather than how they think of you. Like the moms that push their perfectly healthy young daughters to lose weight, and the ones that equal more food (and eating) with love - they both believe that they are doing the right thing.

It's important for us to recognize, but not overreact to others. Ultimately, our bodies are our own, and our health is up to each of us.

Jocelyn

Get to it! "The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience..."-Eleanor Roosevelt
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SKYVALLEYGAL
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8/17/13 9:56 P

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I too live with my worst food pusher but that won't ever change for me. My food pusher is my hubby. The other night, I spooned out a small serving of boiled potatoes on my plate. I had no salt and only a tsp of unsalted butter on mine. I mashed his with salt, regular butter and cream. He secretly mixed his with mine while I was getting the rest of dinner on the table. Needless to say that resulted in quite a heated discussion. I have hi BP he doesn't! Of course he had no idea about the salt. He just thought he'd share with me. Today after a fairly large lunch, he comes home raids the frig finds leftovers and wants to share with me and wants me to have beer with him. I did neither. I wish he would respect the way I am trying to eat. No, this has nothing to do with him trying to make sure I don't look too good and decide to run off with some good looking stud. We are Great Grandparents and have been married for over 40 years. He was raised by a food pusher. His mother thought feeding you was showing love. .

Quote by the late Zig Ziegler: when people tell me, "Zig motivation never lasts". "I tell them, bathing doesn't either that's why I recommend it daily". Myfavoritemotivationalquote


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KIRSTENCO
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8/16/13 9:08 A

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Food pushers are truly toxic- and usually motivated by their own envy / unwillingness to change or have things change around them... Best avoid any occasion with them that could involve food - father arrange to meet them to do an activity!!!!



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SHERYLDS
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8/16/13 7:26 A

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this is a great thread

I have had 4 categories of food pushers in my life that made things difficult for me.
1. the people who think that food is a way to show their affection for you
2. people who feel threatened by you changing...who think your relationship with them will change as well
3. people who feel they are in competition with you
4. people who think that all social connections require food

But the bottom line is...you are the creator of your own destiny.
You decide who wins that game.

USA EST


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SHELTIE2013
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8/16/13 7:03 A

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I think anarie gave you some great advice. Remember why you are doing this? You are doing this for yourself and to have a healthy long term life! emoticon

Jacqueline...
Midnight Mustangs

“Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”
If at first you don't succeed ...well off yer bum and try again xxx


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BUNNYLAMB
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8/15/13 3:04 P

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Oh man, I'm so grateful my mom isn't a food pusher. I really feel for all of you that have families that make your decisions tougher!

I think SE2832 had a great answer right at the beginning of the thread. From what you said, it sounds like your mom has a lot of her own emotions tied up in the need to feed you. I do think a good tactic is to show your appreciation for her support unrelated to food. Take lots of opportunities to point out the ways she is taking care of you outside of the kitchen, and reinforce through your actions and words that her feeding you does not matter to the way you feel about her.



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FLOYDIE40
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8/15/13 11:57 A

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I do think it helps to praise them endlessly when they do offer something healthy. What a wonderful fruit salad! I just love having fruit with a big meal; it's so fresh and colorful!



13DETERMINEDME
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8/15/13 8:59 A

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My food pushers are at work...I say thanks but no thanks and eat a healthy snack right in front of them. Yes I wanted the donut, cake, bagel, etc but I opted out. For me eating something healthy right away takes away the craving and the temptation to eat what's bad. In the past I would indulge and tell myself I'd do better tomorrow. Some people don't even offer anymore because they assume I'm going to say no thank you. HOW RIGHT THEY ARE!!

Have mom track her take out meals on Spark People. And if she still wants to bring home take it may help her make better choices. Have your kids help, spinning the wheel, searching for foods with grandma might be fun

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WANNATHIN
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8/15/13 4:10 A

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I've had a small issue with my in-laws. Once a week we go to family dinner. I've made it abundantly clear that I have dietary restrictions and that I WILL NOT eat certain things. However, they kept offering the pasta, the potatoes, the desserts. They'd also say that a small portion won't hurt.

I have simply said "No thank you" or "Not for me, thanks" or "I'm good, thanks" or "Nope, I've eaten enough, thanks" over and over and over again. It's taken 6 family dinners to get to the point where my mom-in-law peeled one potato less for the mash, "because Sam won't have any". Yaaayyyyy!!!!!

Persistence and consistency in your choices and dealings with "pushers" is key. If I had bent ONCE and had even just a spoon full of pasta / rice / pudding etc, that would have been that. I would have had no leg to stand on the next time I declined an offer of food I didn't want, because "I ate it last time!"

Good luck and stick to your guns. Don't make yourself unhealthy and unhappy so your mom doesn't feel bad. You have many years left to live your life and you want what's best for you and your children. Setting a good strong example is the best gift you can give them!



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TRACYDH
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8/15/13 12:52 A

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A lot of great advice has been said here. I just have to add, for the people saying that the food addiction is the problem and 'you should just learn self-control', I would personally not be where I am in my journey if it weren't for a moratorium on all my trigger foods in the house - I am working on learning self control, but having it all gone sure makes it a lot easier - I control when I go to potlucks, dinners out, etc.
I think I am still pretty far from having the kind of self control that would allow me to keep a box of cookies in the house, for example.
DH used to be a food pusher, but I have got him on Spark now and he's been awesome.
I strongly sympathise, and I hope you have found some advice that will help you here. Try to focus on the successes you can have - excercise, water...it all helps!



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KRISTINA2525
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8/15/13 12:05 A

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nirerin, I think that your advice was terrific. Since you wrote it a while ago, I will summarize:
You said to ask your mom if she would make some of her dishes that are closest to your diet goals, thereby focusing on something that makes her feel good, rather than saying you can't eat some other of her meals.

You also said to get some specific recommemdationns from your doctor of amounts of fat, etc. that you can eat, thereby making him the bad guy, and going to your mom and asking her for help in how to cook and meet those goals.

Who knows if these ideas will work for specific moms, but I think they are great ideas.



 
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