"if I don't lose weight I don't want to go back."
Please do go back, no matter what happens. I know there's a shame and humiliation factor involved when we "fail" but you are too important to let this keep you from accessing proper medical care. If you don't lose, or lose less than you had hoped, use the return visit as an opportunity to ask for a referral to a registered dietitian or nutritionist, someone you can work one-on-one with to develop healthful, sustaining and satisfying meals. And/or to a counselor, someone you could talk to and work with to get to the root of your overeating. Now - if your doctor is one of those low-bedside-manner judgemental eye-rolling types, then use this time as your opportunity to shop around for a different doctor who you have a better comfort level with.
But don't not-go because you are embarassed with your weight loss results! It's HARD and it takes people awhile, and multiple false-starts and re-starts sometimes, to really get into the swing of it. Any decent doctor out there will understand and empathize with the fact that there's a LOT more to it than "just don't eat so much."
Now that said - 1200, is pretty low. I realize you are trying to lose 100-ish pounds - so am I! And I realize you would prefer to do it as quickly as possible - me too! And you're faced with doing it without exercising - well, I never exercised in the beginning either, it helps but really is not REQUIRED. You don't have to go down to 1200 to achieve weight loss. I have lost 50# since January 5th eating within the 1200-1550 range.... and I'll tell you something, that extra 300 calories some days? Makes all the difference between agonizing denial and comfortable sacrifice some days! Other people worked their way slowly down towards the 1200-1550 range... moving from 3000+ calories/day down to 2000, then down to 1800, then down to 1500..... that might be more tolerable for you than a cold-turkey approach.
As far as "how" to cut calories? Best advice is to ditch the packaged snacks (chips, cookies, candy, cake, donuts, pop). Beyond that, the Spark nutrition tracker can be very helpful as you learn to build a healthful menu. Most of us when we first start tracking notice quickly that we consume WAY too many carbs, particularly starchy/refined carbs (bread, french fries, chips, donuts). This often comes at the expense of nutritious foods like complex carbs (veggies, whole grains, beans and legumes) and protein. You might find it helpful to look at your "diet" in a "what CAN/SHOULD i have?" sort of way... do you need protein? What CAN you eat that will help fulfil this requirement? Calcium? What's good for that? Focus on GIVING yourself what your body needs. This is quite different thinking than the typical diet mentality which is all focused on what we CAN'T have. Meet your body's nutritional needs first... and you may find that you are satisfied enough that you don't get the insatiable cravings for the "junk."
Habit and boredom and stress are big contributing factors to junk-food-consumption. You may find it easier to adapt to a new food regime if you add some new activities in to your life as well. They don't have to be physical - it can be something as easy and accessible as "spending time on Sparkpeople" reading articles, forums, recipes.....
Goal 1 - break 200 (46 pounds lost)**DONE**
Goal 2 - leave obesity behind (BMI 29.9, at 185#) **DONE**
Goal 3 - BMI = Normal (154# or less)
| current weight: 164.0