OK. I have a problem (well maybe a couple) that I need some help with. Please tell me I'm not the only one...
I keep getting into the habit of the only thing I can think to call self sabotage? Here is my example.
Last summer I was doing very well with my weight loss goals. I had gone from post pregnancy of 270 (2011) down to around 223. My son was born in June 2011. I really hadn't tried to lose a bunch of weight until I stopped breast feeding him at 14 months old. ( I was afraid that my milk would spoil from exercising too much, a myth, I know but didn't want to risk it) Anyhow I think I was down to about 256 when I stopped breast feeding and in 3-4 months I went from 256 to 223. I was very happy for myself and went out and bought some new cloths including some new exercise outfits, new undies and lots of other items. I felt great and lost 3 clothing sizes. I cleaned out my closet of all my size 18-24 and had size 16 for their replacements.
Anyways this whole time no one really said anything to me about how great I looked and things like that even though I really wanted my efforts to be noticed.
Finally around the end of summer people finally started to tell me that I was looking good with out me asking. I was even happier. Thing were going great. Then all the sudden my weight all came back. Little by little. I gained 10lbs back by thanks giving, I was up 15 by Christmas I'm back to 252ish pounds right now. Now I'm miserable and I think I'm becoming depressed. I don't know why I keep doing this to myself, It's like a vicious cycle. I do well and no one notices, Then someone finally says something to me and I feel good about it and then the next thing you know my weight starts creeping back up. I don't know if it's sabotage or something else and I really don't know what to do about it.
Also, I've noticed that if I have some really good eating days that I begin to feel "empty" after a while. Physically AND emotionally. It almost feels like my body is fighting me in every possible way and telling me that I shouldn't be thin. Like I should be happy with the weight I have and that it will do everything in it's power to keep me at a high weight.
Anyhow I just wanted to know if anyone else is having these problems and what I can do about it. I'm just so stuck! =(
Just a bit of background on me that may or may not have anything to do with the issues. I am a hypothyroid and there and there are no doctors around here in my opinion who know what they are doing when it comes to my numbers. I have no real support in my weight loss efforts and no friends so all of the hard work I do is on my own with no real support. My husband doesn't care about eating healthy and CONSTANTLY buys a bunch of CRAP in the house regardless if I ask him not to. And I also noticed that after a while of my healthy lifestyle change I seem to be eating the same things over and over again like my food imagination goes out the window and I can't think of something better to eat then the meal I made two nights before.
I hope this post isn't too "all over the place" to follow. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. =)
Slow and steady wins the race... so hop to it! =D
| current weight: 248.0