Overworked and need to get fit and find ME time

Posts: 12,272
10/2/12 1:32 A

As a student, I never had to worry about exercise-- I RAN from class to class, we only had ten minutes to get clear across campus, and for some reason they were never very close by! LOL

Besides which, I took a class in dance history--where we learned to DO the dances!--and I ended up on the exhibition ballroom troupe... don't ask me how or why. LOL I was in the dance studio 2 hours a day, five days a week... phew. Just the thought of trying it NOW makes me cringe! LOL

Four days a week of home physical therapy is my thing these days...

I'm a firm believer that if something is important to you, you don't find the time. You MAKE the time. Like a doctor's appointment, a class commitment, a job... you just DO it. MAKE YOURSELF IMPORTANT TO YOU, and you'll do it.

If you don't, no one else will--AND, you won't be there for the people in your life you care about, if you don't take care of yourself first. Besides...

...You are WORTH IT!

Kathy

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9/27/12 6:53 P

Finding me time is difficult for me too, working full time...raising 4 kids...cleaning a big house...making lunches, dinner, etc...
whats ME time?
lol...I do confess when I have alone time, I prefer to sew or stitch...I need to split that time and start moving more...
I envy those of you with the passion and conviction to keep going...

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8/24/12 5:49 P

I like afternoons when I finally am awake!

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8/24/12 12:06 P

Morning exercise is my ME TIME! :)

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8/23/12 6:59 P

I really admire all of you super-busy folks. You amaze me. Be good to yourselves. Sincerely.

Reading some of your posts make me feel like a total whiner by comparison.

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8/23/12 1:12 P

Hi overworked. Don't get bummed out. I too had a not so great dr. visit that sparked my weight loss goals. And so I began my journey here with sparkpeople about a week ago. Try to fit in your workouts in short bursts throughout the day. Take a 5 or 10 minute break and go for a walk. That 5 or 10 minutes each time over the course of your workday can add up to a sufficient amount of exercise time. Plus taking a walk can help to clear your mind which can double as both exercise time and "me" time. I hope this helps you and I wish you all the best on your weight loss journey!

Michelle

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8/22/12 7:36 P

I have a Jack Russell that I goes to work with me everyday, so he helps me get out of the office and go for walks. I started running (slogging) with him, he has lots of energy to burn. I to feel the drain after work also, but with having Calvin, he needs to go outside. He has this internal time around 7:30pm to go out. So we go out and I walk all the hills with him, sometimes, if I feel up to it, I'll jog with him, then he's good for the rest of the night. Then before I go to bed, I do 20 push ups, and 30 crunches.

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8/22/12 7:33 P

Same here! Get up, go to work, pick up my baby, go home, cook, clean, bath and then feel like passing out from exhaustion! I decided to offer a wellness class (30 day shred video) at my work @ 5:15 daily. Now me and two co-worker have been doing the work out consistently. We hold each other accountalbe so we are less likely to "flake". We don't have to worry about not having time to spend on ourselves because we get it done before home life gets in the way. I also have some girlfriends who decided that we would meet the 1st Friday of the month to go out to dinner/win tasting so we could have time away from family duty and recharge. So far it has been great!

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8/22/12 3:43 P

Sometimes there just aren't enough hours in the day! I am a single mom with 2 young children. I work fulltime 10 hour days for a chem demil facility with a 30 minute commute. I struggle every single day to get everyone bathed, fed, and in bed on time, and then have to do the usual household stuff. I try to squeeze any little exercise in that I can. Sometimes while I'm helping my 4 year old with homework I use resistance bands or I sit in the floor with the baby and we do little leg lifts and bridges. At work I do a few jumping jacks or lunges every time I go to the bathroom. Cardio sessions are the hardest to fit in and that's the part I really need. Like I said I do what I can when I can and keep pushing myself. My vision board is extremely helpful at home and work because I'll think "forget it, I'm too tired" but then I look at my little quotes and fit women that I want to be like and 9 times out of 10 I get up and do something instead of just going to bed or resting. My advice comes from Tony H..."do your best and forget the rest". If you keep trying, you'll get where you need to be.

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8/22/12 3:09 P

I am having the same issue as all. I just started my weight loss adventure and it is showing to be extremely hard but for me it is not an option bc I went to the doctors and it wasn't a very good visit. My health isn't the best. However I get up at 4 15am to get ready for work and usually I am there between 2 30 to 4 30pm and by the time I get home I just feel drained and still have to cook and clean up as well. I just can't seem to get the energy to do the workout. All i have is the videos on here and wat not because really short on cash but yeah I just fell drained by the time I get home. Can anyone please help me by giving me tips an wat not. It would be extremely appreciated.

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8/22/12 1:46 P

I completely understand having a hard time find Me time and exercise time! I am a paramedic. I get up at 445am for work, and I work an hour and a half from my home. So i arrive at work at 7am, work for 24 hours, get off at 7am the next day. drive an hour and a half home. once I get off work I have 48 hours off. I generally nap as soon as I get home, and then try and have some Me time, the second day I am off I try and exercise and take care of everything i need to do around the house. I also go to school part time. And then my routine starts all over! I understand the lack of time, energy and motivation you might be feeling!

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8/22/12 1:41 P

I have the same problem. I'm a student and work part time. I try to wake up a little earlier to get a 10 minute workout in and then try to find at least 30 minutes for another workout sometime during the day.

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8/22/12 12:15 P

I get my alone time by exercising. I will go and bike in the metropark or use the elliptical. My husband is scared of it and leaves me alone when I am on it. If I need more time I go and use the pool and swim laps.

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8/21/12 11:07 P

Can relate to the opportunity that you are having. I'm seeking balance too.

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8/21/12 6:03 P

I know what you mean, egrammy. I took a Developmental Psychology class and one of the things they said is that older adults put a lot into the younger generations to help them along. Now that I am getting older, I can see how true that is! My 70-something parents really spent themselves to help my niece graduate from high school last year. I expend myself all the time in behalf of my kids and other members of my family. I wouldn't trade it for a thing, I really do want to nurture the ones coming behind me, but realized that sometimes I have to look after myself to take care of them.

My bike riding, swimming, and walking will only make me stronger for them.

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8/21/12 11:26 A

@DBABYBELLY What a great idea! Too often I find myself stressed at my kids and I know they feel it. They need to have the easy-going mom time just as much as we need to de-stress. I have done something similar in that I take the dog for a walk. Sometimes both of my daughters come and sometimes only one of them. But it gives a chance to be together and talk. Good quality time is hard to come by and I a look forward to our walks. I used to sit and say that I wish vacation would hurry up and now I just wish to be home so we can go for a walk. It has changed my whole outlook.

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8/21/12 10:19 A

I can relate..thanks for all the suggestions

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8/21/12 9:53 A

I strongly suggest you do an analysis of how you are investing your time each day. Keep a journal and record each minute of the day for a full week. Be honest! No one will see the journal but you. This should help you identify the activities you are investing in that you want to keep and those that you want to change. Maybe you can use this tracking tool to be more organized, etc. It worked for me. When I start feeling overwhelmed and stretched thin, I return to tracking my time and I'm always amazed at how I'm investing "me" into my days. Good Luck!

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8/20/12 9:30 P

I do 3 hours on the exercise bike each day that we are home, not all at once, mind you. Do weights, Jack LaLanne's and rebounder because I can't leave my ill husband alone to get out and walk. Can't find anymore "me" time than that!!!

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8/18/12 9:08 P

One can be overworked even if retired. I think the personality of overdoing for others prevents us from getting fit and finding me time. We let ourselves be side tracked. We make that choice.

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8/18/12 1:03 P

Run n hide from the kids n the man thatll give anybody time that really needs it...i learned to make time for myself...its too stressful to only do for others...even if I have to wake up an hr early to give myself time I do it...i know I dont post n track as often but I feel as long as I stay on track its one of the things I can put aside to fit a workout in when I have to do things like yard work n housework I just turn it into a fun vigorous workout....turn on the music dance while doing dishes spin around on my,toes as if im wearing heels (calves n butt) while mopping bend at the knees EVERYTIME I pick up something or while folding laundry put the basket on the floor n bend at the knees I have stairs n the fam puts their shoes on them so instead of throwing them off I run them up n down one pair @ a time just to sweep n instead of just mopping I like to get,on my hands n knees n put my biceps chest n back into it n always I tighten up,my abs u will be surprised on how many muscles u work so if there is no time just take ur everyday routines n turn,them into ur own workout.....sorry for the punctuations misspellings n grammar decided to post from my phone this time

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8/18/12 12:30 P

This was totally a problem for me. I started walking as a means to having ME time. My life is very full!! Adding to the list of things that I have to do in a day (wife, mother of 3, teacher) I also care for my mother in law who lives next door. She has diabetes and dementia. Walking in the evening is a way to clear my mind and spend some time with my husband. When I walk alone, I spend the time praying. Im able to sleep without medication. That for me is the blessing.

Even though my husband and I raise our children to be independent and helping out around the house from an early age, there are still some things that we are traditional on. Dont sweat it if EVERYTHING doesnt get done. Find time for yourself if its only twenty minutes a day or you will soon pop. (and if you are like me, I feel terrible after Ive done it). Pray that God opens the doors for you to have the time you need. Also, utilize the family. They will be okay.

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8/17/12 10:18 P

You are definitely busy and it is important to find time to take care of yourself. I have one simple recommendation that I really found helpful when we started on SparkPeople. There is a video on SparkPeople titled 23 1/2 hours. Here is the link you can copy and paste. http://www.dailyspark.com/blog.asp?post=video_23_and_12_hours_what_is_the_single_best_thing_we_can_do_for_our_health

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8/17/12 5:29 P

Well said Anna...continue to make time for yourself and insist that everyone in the family do their part. That is what families do. Sometime we as women have to help them understand that very gently. I love that you are beginning to make time for yourself to take care of you that is crucial and huge. It some times take us as moms and wives time to get that we too must be taken care of. Much success to you in your endeavor to get fit and to your family as a whole.

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8/17/12 11:48 A

Great idea. I hope others read this

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8/15/12 11:57 A

@Kars01 (and Laurasdad),
I did nottake Laurasdad's initial comment as an insult. I took it as a suggestion, push to put yourself first. He is asking "who are you without your husband and kids?" That is the question that YOU need to answer and try to make that person in the mirror feel more important.
I totally agree with many of the comments so far.
I also feel overworked, with little help and no time, and feel guilty about taking time for myself. I sat down with my husband and told him that this is all I can do. He did not get it at first, but then if he complained that something did not get done, I would tell him that was all I could do, if he wants something else done, he has to do it. It has not been easy, and it is a very gradual process, but it is slowly working.

I do not agree with those people who jumped to the divorce conclusion- it may or may not be the best option for you and your family. I agree with those who said that you cannot change the other person but you can change yourself. You will see that once you respect yourself more, the others will too, including your husband. I also have a 8 year old and a 3 year old and I know that divorce would be devastating to them, but I also know that there is a lot that I can try and do to improve my marriage.

I started out with going to the gym on Saturday and Sunday and doing the 10 minute spark videos the rest of the days. We also walk and go for bike rides.

My boys leave a mess all the time, and usually I have to clean up, but I never do it alone, they always have to do it with me. Now at least they put their plates in the sink , their dirty clothes in the hamper and they set the table.

I find it hard and frustrating but with strict rules and VERY good organization, it can work out Anna

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8/15/12 11:14 A

as a disclaimer: my previous response was based solely on the original question. i didn't get a chance to read through all of the posts before responding!

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8/15/12 11:04 A

hi, i also agree that something has to give. you're going to run yourself ragged! as you've already state, you're overworked. and this overworking may be exhibiting itself in the form of munching (anxiety from overworking). i think the first thing to do is delegate some of the responsibility to others. if you can, hire someone on to help you with some of the work and jobs, if you cannot afford that, then think and be honest...is it really important that you work this much? if not, let some of the things you're doing go (the least important of the tasks is what i would consider first). if everything is important, then ask yourself why. do you really need to do all of these things to keep up with your quality of life? if so, you may be living beyond your means, and it may be time to downsize in general. i think that before you actually get to the me time activiites, you have to actually FIND some time for yourself! this isn't going to come on it's own, you may have to force it. this is what i do--we go without some things so the things that are important to me can be achieved.

i hope this helps some!

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8/15/12 10:24 A

ME time? No. I don't believe in such a thing. At least, not in the way I'm reading it here.

Someone once explained to me that life is like a wheel. It's always moving forward--or trying to--and how well and how far we travel with it is determined by how well rounded it is. There are many spokes in that wheel, with labels like personal finance, learning, emotional well-being... and our fitness is one of those spokes. When a spoke in a wheel is missing, the wheel thumps over that spot and sometimes will even stall. When a spoke is too long, the same thing happens. You can't make good headway toward ANY goal, when your spokes are not equal.

If you love your job, that's great--if you don't love your job, but you need it to survive, you do what you have to do, while you're looking for something better--but that isn't your whole life. It's only one spoke in the wheel. I don't know about you (or maybe I do! LOL) but all too often, I spend all my time dealing with just one thing, and let it dominate my situation instead of me being in control...

Every minute we spend here on earth IS OUR VERY LIFE... and how we spend it is a choice we make. It doesn't matter that we say we have no time for us. We do. ALL our time is for us. Even if we don't admit it, we work because there is a need or desire that we want to fill. We exercise for the same reason. I don't know why we have to make things so hard for ourselves... every thing we do can become exercise. Our bodies were always intended to be moving...

We are one of the few species on earth that actually change their environment to improve their life situations. So what are we waiting for?

Hm...7:20am. Now that I'm done lecturing myself, (go for it, you can do it, Kathy! lol) it sounds like a good time for me to take a little walk... LOL

Kathy

Edited by: I.M.MAGIC at: 8/15/2012 (10:27)

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8/15/12 8:11 A

I am starting small. The trainer I am working with said 15 minutes every other day, and schedule it in your calendar. My rule is I can move it, but can't delete it. It isn't that hard to do that, and once I'm in the gym or walking the neighborhood, sometimes the time increases to 30 or 45 minutes because I am having fun. I also catch myself adding in extra "active" things (a bike ride, walking the dogs, etc.) cause I feel so much better once I do it.

I do call this my selfish time. This time, I am going to lose the weight and keep it off and tone this body for me! My health, my enjoyment, my energy, my life!

My trainer told me of people who are busy at work that have built standing work stations and desks over treadmills to get their activity on. I've also heard that wearing a pedometer can help get you moving more.

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8/15/12 12:35 A

Sooooo hard to do. I've always been all or nothing. If I didn't have at least an hour, it wasn't worth my time. Since I started SP, I've been grabbing 10 or 20 minutes at every opportunity, and I love watching how it adds up on the tracker. My pants fit a little looser, too-- which tells me maybe all or nothing is not the way to go...

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8/14/12 7:51 P

This is a HUGE priority for me since my husband is no longer able to work and is home 24/7. Even running errands have become treats! I'm looking forward to scheduling in MY exercise time!

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8/14/12 4:35 P

Always have my "me time".

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8/14/12 4:10 P

DBABYBELLY, I love that! Spending time with your kids is so important, plus you are giving them a taste and example of how to live a healthy lifestyle and still have fun.

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8/14/12 3:57 P

I have the same problem - overworked and need to get fit. Two days last week, after I picked the kids up from daycare at 5pm, we went and walked a mile on the track together. They loved it! The pace wasn't that fast, but we were still moving our bodies - and in fact, they loved running ahead - the seven-year-old lapped me twice and thought it was hysterical. And, it wasn't exactly "me" time, but it was really nice mom & kids time, and that was something we all needed, too. It took an extra half hour on our way home, but was totally worth it.

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8/14/12 12:54 P

This is my problem too. I joined a gym down the block from my job. I can walk there that's how close. I plan to go at lunch and/or immediately after work. I've given up on returning to my yoga studio as the reality is I don't get there. Once I'm home I'm home so I'm making fitness part of my work day. So far so good.

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8/14/12 9:47 A

Wow this sounds great! I will definatly look at that website for help thank you for sharing!

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8/13/12 10:14 P

I'm not sure if you're still checking this topic, and I've only read some of the responses, so please forgive me if this is repetitive.

I just got finished with my "at work work out". I get 2 15 minute breaks while I'm at work. I can't seem to find the time to work out at home, so when I'm at work, I do a 15 minute cardio "workout" or the 15 minute desk workout that's posted in the fitness section. My cardio workout is low impact (so I don't sweat), but it gets my heart rate up, which is the main goal. I do 1 minute each of: Marching in place, out/out/in/in maneuver, high knee march, heel touches to the front, and step/touch to the side. Then I repeat the cycle 3 times. This keeps me from getting bored just marching in place.

I would also like to point you to a website called flylady.net I think it will help you to manage your busy life, the housework (especially), and the kids. PLEASE check it out! If you follow her system, you will have plenty of time to workout AND get your house cleaned.

Best of luck to you!

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8/13/12 5:16 P

KARS01, on the relationship side, have you tried asking your Rabbi to help get your husband working with you instead of against you? He might take it better coming from the Rabbi (especially if the Rabbi is the creative sort who can find scriptural reasons for your husband to help you out more -- Proverbs 31 comes to mind...)

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8/13/12 4:09 P

I keep writing a huge message and then erasing. I don't want to whine to you.

I am certainly overworked and have not a clue what ME time is! LOL

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8/12/12 6:28 P

If I don't make exercise a "Big Rock" on my calendar, it doesn't get done. I am extremely busy, but I find I have more energy to do everthing else if I fit the exercising in.

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8/12/12 3:08 P

I agree, you have to start and even 10 minutes at a time is a good start.
Cindi

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8/12/12 1:31 P

Start small. I know you can manage a 20 minute walk every day. At one point I did it on my lunch break at work, in busy Manhattan. Just went outside and walked ten minutes one way and ten minutes back. Before you know it I was finding time to walk 1 hour a day. You just have to start somewhere.

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8/12/12 11:02 A

I loved the words...food is fuel..not comfort..gotta write that down..thanks

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8/12/12 10:51 A

I am currently in school taking prerequisites for a nursing program. I also have two teen aged kids (one I am getting ready for college) and an incoming exchange student from Germany, and a husband. I used to be an Art History type (taught in college for 5 years and loved it) so the science classes are a departure and I have to use a different part of my brain.

Needless to say, there are not many hours in the day. I think what I have gleaned from this thread is work with where you are. For me, I have to put in a lot of study time. While I love, love, love swimming laps--and have access to a good spinning class, it is a good hour and sometimes I don't feel like I can get to the gym and swim or "bike" and still do all the other "deadline" tasks on my to-do list.

To solve this, I have been ripping quick workouts out of magazines. I have a pretty big stack. Note: I have chosen "workouts" that use minimal equipment--maybe just some hand weights, jump rope, a step (we have stairs). When I go up to my room to study, (to get away from the TV) I study for 30 minutes (I set my phone timer), and do a little 10 min. work out (from my stack). Before you know it, home work has been done. Exercise has been done. Side benefit of the exercise...it forces me to break up the studying to smaller more manageable blocks, and oxygen and blood have been forced back into my head, which means I think the studying is more effective....

I have seen exercises that you can do in your chair if you have to work in front of a computer--so I think you could apply this same strategy, even if you have a job. I think the turning point for me was to think smaller, rather than bigger. Smaller steps can add up to a huge step if you have a little strategy like this--especially if you have tons of competing demands on your time and you are trying to figure out how to juggle every thing.

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8/12/12 6:29 A

Lots of interesting thoughts in this thread! Like many below, I find it hard to get ME time, I have a job that involves considerable travel, I have to hold the hands of many people to help them live their lives both at home and at work, and am often emotionally drained and mentally tired.
In the last month, I have worked to maintain my time off as 'MY' time off, and fight to stop others from taking it away. It is a huge struggle, as I haven't prioritised myself for many years, but I take it a day at a time and every day I feel stronger and more able to protect what I need.
However, I've found that though I get time to myself, I actually feel worse - from the little research I've done, it seems that I'm starting to relax, and this is showing just how tired I am. So, I'm making every effort to feed myself properly, to exercise every day (especially outside), and to get enough sleep.
My advice to others (for what its worth...) is to take things a day at a time, take baby steps towards your goal, and whatever happens - Be Kind and Gentle to Yourself.

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8/11/12 5:37 P

Wannab125, years ago when my grandmother needed help I could only help her on weekends because I worked full-time and had a young family. Her biggest issue was getting her food. So, on Saturdays I spent the entire day preparing meals for her for the week. The meals were frozen for her to reheat during the week. This made me feel better that although I couldn't spend a great deal of time with her that she was eating healthy meals.

If you can find a few hours, this could work for you. Another thought is the slow cooker. I believe this cooker is better than a microwave. Stews and soups are fantastic and easy. You really don't have to prepare anything. You just put whatever you want in the slow cooker, season it and your meal is ready when you get home.

Bettie

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8/11/12 5:21 P

I am a workaholic! I am a high school math teacher trying to make all the transitions required by the state/federal governments. I grade papers daily for all of my classes. I plan, peruse the internet for cool activities, and stay late to work in my classroom and to be there if my students need help. I haven't really fixed meals; my husband and I are piecers. We are always hungry and eating what we want without any thought to whether it was good for us or not............who cares when it tastes good! I have the dangerous fat that wraps around your vital organs in your abdomen, so before I crash and burn; I decided to change my routine and my husband's. He is eating the meals I fix and not complaining...it is a meal afterall. So, now I joined the "Biggest Losers" at the local hospital, and we exercise twice a week as a group and are on the Zone Diet where we keep track of our calories, our fats, our carbs, our proteins, and our water. I am finding time for me. I am feeling better already. Of course, moving around and eating things that satisfy my cravings is a wonderful thing. I have to find the time to put all the foods I need into my schedule. I worry when school starts, but I will take it a day at a time and learn to enjoy myself and my life.

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8/11/12 1:44 P

@ lisarjxo...... you are right, our bad habits will eventually kill us. I'm happy to hear your son is better.... Please pardon my bluntness.... but it sounds like you worked round the clock to get your son healthy....only to work yourself into an early grave...... take care of yourself so you can take care of others. I have a friend who is seeing a counselor and a nutritionist to get a handle on her eating. Food is fuel not emotional comfort. It's a vicious cycle.... emotions..... eat.... guilt....emotions..... eat.... guilt..... it really sucks!

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8/11/12 9:51 A

STRESS IS HORRIBLE TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME TO FIGURE THINGS OUT BLESS YOU I TOO AM EMOTIONAL EATER I WENT THROUGH 6 YRS OF MY SON WITH LEUKEMIA HE IS NOW ONE YEAR POST TRANSPLANT STILL AT AGE 20 HE IS A HANDFUL I WILL BE 50 THIS MONTH AND FEEL IT I MUST GET MYSELF TOGETHER TO CARE FOR MY KIDS BUT SOMETIMES I DONT CARE FOOD SEEMS TO BE MY ONLY LOVE AND COMFORT AND YET IT DESTROYS ME

Posts: 44
8/11/12 6:56 A

I find my me time by getting up early, gettting my exercise before my long day. Gives me the energy to make it thru my busy 10 hour days. I have a job where I am on my feet walking continually all day so I get extra exercise just by going to work, but I love my job and wouldn't change for anything.

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8/10/12 4:27 P

Kars01..... Nice job! Great baby steps! My son exercises with me to...... can you say Zumba on our Wii. It's cute, PRECIOUS, and funny at the same time. I love it.... kid time and exercise and good parenting all rolled into one.

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8/10/12 7:44 A

put yourself on your calendar like you do all your other important appt and KEEP IT

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8/9/12 10:29 P

2CLEAN, I forgot to mention that there may be a respite care group of volunteers in your area who will come once a week to give you a break. We have one in our area started by ordinary people who saw a need.

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8/9/12 10:25 P

I find that a walk after dinner when there are no more chores to do is the most relaxing. I like to find exercise that is relaxing and stress relieving. That's my favorite ME time, when the sun is going down and it's a quiet time in my neighborhood.

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8/9/12 10:22 P

For those times when you feel tired and stressed out and want to do something but not a workout, I found that a stretching video is perfect. Stretching requires you to use muscles to hold the stretch, yet almost feels like pampering and brings moments of serenity. Just make sure you don't try to stretch too far.

I used to do it more than now and I'm going to get back into it.



Edited by: MIZINA730 at: 8/9/2012 (22:26)

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8/9/12 12:03 P

Tough road for you....sorry! I find that morning exercise IS my Me Time. If you can get up early & take an hour (or even just a half hour!) to exercise, you'll feel better & have an easier time dealing with your challenges.

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8/9/12 10:49 A

If your father can afford assisted living and he refuses to leave your home why not bring assistance into your home and have your father pay for it. It may even work for your husband on your father's payments.

You must take care of yourself. Is your sister contributing? She gives good advice but is she doing anything to help you lose weight? Have you asked her to contribute some time so you can do some things for yourself? If something happens to you what is going to happen to your household? Think about this and see what you can implement today as if you were not there.

Prayer works! You are in my prayers.

Bettie

Edited by: BMCOLLEY at: 8/9/2012 (10:52)

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8/9/12 10:38 A

Oh my gosh. It sounds like I wrote your message. My husband is a paraplegic, recently fell out of his wheelchair and broke his pelvis. Was in a rehab center for a couple of months. Meanwhile my dad, 95, is living with us and requires care, also many trips to doctors, physical therapy, misc. One of our dogs is diabetic and blind in one eye. Requires insulin 2xday, and eye drops 3xday.

My sister and husband keep telling me I have to exercise and get my weight off, as the dr. says I am a walking time bomb for a stroke or heart attack. Now my eye dr. says she feels my breast cancer (12.5 years ago) has returned as a brain tumor and I am scheduled for eye biopsies later this month. (dr. on vac.).

I belong to a gym but cannot find the time to go. I need warm water therapy classes for my arthritis, but am never free at class time.

I have told my dad I don't have the physical or emotional strength to take care of him and my husband any longer. Dad has been with us 7 years. He told me he will NOT leave this house. He can easily afford assisted living.

I don't know about the 10 min. at a time thing. That won't get me to the warm water therapy class or the gym to walk on these terribly hot days.

I am an emotional eater. So losing wt right now is really hard--just one more thing to worry about. I have about 85 lbs to lose.

I will pray for you. If you find a solution, please let me know, and I will do the same.

Hang in there. Dee

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8/8/12 1:32 P

2CLEAN, little things mean a lot. I recommend walking for fitness and finding little bits of time for yourself even if it's just sitting down for a cup of tea with NO distractions. The suggestion given to find day care for your ailing family members is SUPER. You will have to rely on little moments to yourself for now. This too shall pass. In the meantime, carve out what you can, little moments regularly throughout the day and week. It will add up to a better feeling you.

Don't worry about what your sister is doing. She will have to take care of herself. You sound like an awesome family member, reliable and always there for others. That is a wonderful quality but remember you have to take care of yourself in order to be there for them. This is not a luxury, it is a must.

Take care and we wish you the best. Keep in touch.

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8/8/12 1:23 P

We have an inexpensively priced Intex swimming pool from Walmart. It's just big enough that I can get a reasonable workout. It's the perfect little break when you get little pockets of time. Even 20 minutes does the trick. And the calories add up when you track my Fitness. We bought the biggest size before there is a big price jump to the next bigger size on the Walmart site.

I recommend a swimming pool in your yard if you don't live close to a pool or lake. It's a great stress reliever. I am surprised at how much better my outlook is after getting out. We bought it for our son but I use it the most.

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8/8/12 12:20 P

I get my me time when I take a day and go for pedi and mani. It feels so good and rewards me if I have lost weight that week. In stead of rewarding myself with food as I use to do.

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8/8/12 11:15 A

If it is really hard to find time to go to the gym, I suggest high intensity interval training. It is a quick way to fit in a tough cardiovascular and strength training workout. You can do these workouts at home with no equipment. A great place to get started is www.bodyrock.tv . They post amazing daily 12-minute workouts. On their facebook page you can see the incredible results people have worked for.

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8/8/12 11:12 A

2clean, I don't think you are sounding pitiful at all. What you are experiencing is something that so many other caregivers are feeling. It is suggested you get someone that can help out and give you and your sister a break. For instance, your mother and husband could be taken to an adult daycare center a couple days a week. This would be your time. Your aunt may be able to take care of herself during these times. These centers have activities to keep your family members busy. It they don't like this perhaps you could bring in a medical assistance a couple days a week.

You are blessed!

Bettie

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8/8/12 10:39 A

Maybe the lunch salad isn't sticking...pack plenty of healthy snacks so you aren't tempted by vending machines, office donuts, etc. I like the 100 calorie packs of popcorn, nuts, etc for keeping in the desk. I also keep carrots and hummus (my fav snack!) or sliced apples with peanut butter for dipping.

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8/8/12 9:24 A

Sometimes you do just need to spill it all out, and that's okay! Find the support you need. If there's one thing you can ask someone else to do to help out, ask. Maybe just start small. If you don't have time to go to the gym for an hour, at least take a 15-minute walk. It'll help clear your mind, reduce your stress levels, and get your body moving.

Baby steps. Pick one food change that you can make today. Do you drink soda? Cut back or quit. Don't look at it as 100 things that need to change. Just pick a few and build from there.

You have a lot on your plate. Find some small way to minimize your stress levels, whether it's taking walks or a nice just-for-you bubble bath before bed.

Take care of you!

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8/8/12 8:02 A

ME time - I've read all of the great encouragements, but I still just can't figure it out. I self-employed with 8 employees, business growing but needs more attention, which I feel I have 4 or 5 roles to work at. I also am caregiver to my mom who has alzheimers, a 94 yr aunt who is almost blind. We don't get me wrong I'm thankful for all. My sister lives with us to help and she is also my partner in the business. She is way over weight, which I worry about her. She also manages a pizza store. My husband's mind is slipping, plus has severe back problems. I'm not trying to say woo is me, I'm just overwehelmed. I start a new plan every day, and I fall everyday. I feel so FAT, can't stand it. We have a memebership at a gym, but cant find time to go. I'm sorry if I sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself, I'm really not. I consider it an honor to take care of our parents, blessed to have our business and starting to be very successful. I had for 9 mon took care of my mother-in-law, who passed in Jan. So just need support, friends, and thanks to all who listen. Maybe thats what I need, is to get all off my chest. Have blessed day everyone!

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8/8/12 12:59 A

I too have a Brita pitcher (have for a decade now) and wouldn't drink water if it weren't for my beloved Brita pitcher!

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8/7/12 10:13 P

In regards to your water situation, a company called CamelBak makes a water bottle called the Groove which has a water filter built right into the straw. It's like a personal Brita and all you do is fill up the bottle and then drink. The filter takes out all of the chemicals/metallic aftertaste. You have to replace them every once in a while (I can't remember how many gallons one filter does- it will say on the box), but I lived in a rural area where we had horrible tasting well water and this thing was great!

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8/7/12 10:00 P

I hear you!

First I would look and see if you need to be working so much. Working a full-time job and raising kids is a full plate. Anything extra is hard to squeeze in. You're working MORE than a full-time job. Do you have to? Is there any chance you could cut back hours?

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8/7/12 9:44 P

I make time for me

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8/7/12 7:30 P

I agree I find myself working ling hours and having no energy to do anything that resembles exercise. When I get home I just want to veg and stuff my face

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8/7/12 5:53 P

Kars01, I was in the same situation as you are now. When I realized that If my DH was going to change so I could be happier, it was going to be done on baby steps and I needed the change right away. So.... I decide that the person that needed change was ME. Right there I was giving myself priority for help over everyone else. I started to reflect on who I was before my children and husband? If it did not get done in the kitchen, I just told my husband I was doing my best (this apply to every area in the house). My kids are grown now (over 20) and I find funny that they do not appreciate all my sacrifices all those years but they can remember I was always tired. So was it worth it? Begin the change within yourself and the rest will fall into place. It is very important for your family that you are happy and healthy. It took for me to have Cancer to realize how I had not pay attention to my body.

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8/7/12 1:06 P

Lots of words good and not so good tossed at you . You must take time for YOU. can some on the load be shared with other members of your home ? after all you are not the only one living in that house . YOu make it a home YOU are the a main person in the home doing all the work .It is to be shared not just done by one .equal work in and equal work out .

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8/7/12 9:40 A

Kars01, you have received a lot of very good advice here, some a bit harsher than you expected, but still good ;)

I have the same problem with my water here. Bottled water is okay but tap is incredible disgusting. I found out that a water filter helps a little and boiling it helps a lot. So I make myself 2 big cans of tea in the morning and drink it throughout the day in addition to bottled water (yes, I know it is bad for the environment.. but either that or no water at all.. yuck!). Is that an opportunity for you? I take herbal teas or fruit teas like berry, cherry or apple. Beware of black tea.. when it cools down it gets horribly bitter.

And I think you realized in the meantime, that ME time has to be taken.. it is not granted ;)

Keep us updated..
Barbara

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8/6/12 11:46 P

@bmcolley If Kars01 or her husband are Jewish then speaking to the church is the worst thing she can do since the law is overwhelmingly in favor of men in Israel's religious courts. I don't think of that as religious advice but rather practical information. It it also because of possible volatility that I suggested giggling and putting it up to being a girl, because with this type of male, that is sometimes the only "excuse" they believe women have. In other words......many men (abusive men, not 'regular' men) would question, and punish, what they perceive to be an effort at independence, but will tolerate a giggly response because they believe women are silly or brainless. Too many years of too much volunteer work for me to think otherwise.

I truly hope that Kars01 is safe. It seems to me she is doing an excellent job of protecting her children to the extent possible, in a society that is not always mom-friendly. To be losing weight while doing it suggests an incredible depth of being.

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8/6/12 11:06 P

Kars01, I had a hard time deciding whether or not I should write the following.

First, you are getting a great deal of information relative to the writer's own personal experiences. We do not know how volatile your relationship is so be careful with using some of the information provided. I really don't think we should be providing religious suggestions. What we should be doing is offering support and providing options for you to consider. On this note, if you have religious support you probably should discuss your situation with someone there.

Second, you are thinking of cutting back or cutting carbs out of your diet. Remember, carbs really are not bad except if you over do it. Carbs are where you get your energy from. Without carbs you will have a hard time keeping up with your young family and being able to accomplish your fitness goals.

Finally, you should consider using a filter for your water. Water is actually different from other forms of liquid drinks, in that, water does not have any coloring that can stick to your kidneys or bladder, or other organs.

I pray you are able to make good decisions for yourself and your family.

Bettie

Edited by: BMCOLLEY at: 8/6/2012 (23:08)

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8/6/12 5:13 A

I don't know if you have thought of divorce; working in a law office I'm sure you know the issues in Israel and all I can say is that if you decide to go for it rush to family court and file so you beat any trip to Rabbinical court. The early bird real does get the worm....and remember, worms are proteins.

Read some of my posts and you will know how much I sympathize with you. My partner recently moved out, and I have been indescribably more content. However, the last two months before he left, I can honestly say I was happy; I knew what I personally had to do and even if he were still in my house sitting like a king demanding his supper, I would still be happy and he would still be getting what I wanted to give, not what he demanded.

And that is the long and short of it, I think. Figure out what you are willing to give == and refuse to give the rest. If he won't share what he makes, cool. Who cares...If he demands to know how much YOU make, who cares. You might consider telling him what your salary is but when he asks about the editing and so on, just giggle and say it is silly "girl stuff" that you do for fun. Make light of it. Down play it. If he asks how much you pay for your classes, just giggle and say it is silly "girl stuff".

You can't follow the rules typical married people do, because he is acting like a 14 year old boy. Keep that in mind and respond to him as you would to a 14 year old boy. Keep the house clean to a level YOU can tolerate; if he demands more, he can do it or he can pay someone to do it.

You are a dynamic, determined woman. You deserve an equally dynamic man. I hope he grows up and becomes one for you.

Edited by: EVILPASSION at: 8/6/2012 (05:14)

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8/6/12 12:15 A

Don't forget that there are all sorts of exercises you can do during your work day -- many in your office chair (you can find them online, but try marching your legs or lifting your hips off the chair). I like to take the elevator instead of stairs. I also set an alarm to go off hourly and remind me to stand up and use my legs: walk to the bathroom, deliver papers to a colleague, grab something off the printer, refill my water bottle, etc. It doesn't have to be a break to be effective in helping you reach your goals!

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8/5/12 1:23 P

Wow. you are truly amazing that you handle all in your life as well as you do. By making exercise and keeping fit a priority, you are setting a great example for your children. Do you have regular play time with your children? Someday during this time, go to a park, or go for a walk, or just run around and play with them. This doesn't help with the me-time issue, but it can be a good way for parents to have time to work out, watch the kids, and make sure their kids are active and healthy, too! I will close with an anecdote. I have it pretty easy when it comes to exercise, I live less than a mile away from a nature preserve with 3 or 4 miles of trails, I have a dog that loves to run, and also the apartment complex I live in has a fitness center and 2 pools. I was in the fitness center on the treadmill one day, and a woman comes in with her daughter, maybe 6 or 7 years old. They both go through their workouts, and when they are done, I hear the daughter say, "Mommy, I am so proud of you." I think we all in our hearts want to be that example, whether to our children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews, or whoever.

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8/5/12 12:20 P

Having been there, I'd just like to say that every 'excuse' that excuse-makers make seem perfectly legitimate. Sometimes, the maker does not even realize that they are excuses because the maker just can not fathom any other way to live. It is easy to persist in thinking that ones' situation is so much different than others'; that others' have it easier...etc. Those thinking barriers are the first things that the excuse-maker needs to overcome.

I know, because that's where I was 2 months ago. It's not an easy place to be, nor an easy place to leave.

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8/5/12 12:03 P

Exercise first thing every morning--when your feet hit the floor, get up & put on your exercise clothes & get ready to do it! :)

Even if that means getting up at 5 a.m.....DO IT. Daily exercise changes your world in immeasurable ways--ALL for the better! :)

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8/5/12 11:54 A

Hi, I just read your thread because I have a friend who does a lot and can never "find time;" however, she does like to make excuses. She seems to enjoy feeling miserable! Not you though! Good job! I agree with a lot of the posts so I will not add to the "time" issue, but instead I wanted to share this: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=eight-glasses-water-per-day

As long as you are drinking enough liquids to make up for going to the restroom and sweating, you don't actually need to drink the water. It's good for you, but not a requirement. Any liquid works for hydration. Water is touted only because it's calorie free. It may be hard to find something to drink instead, but I just wanted to share that bit of information.

Also, what works for me, as far as hunger/cravings is having a protein every time I eat a carb (which includes fruit and can be as simple as a glass of milk.) I've followed this very simple premise I've found in this book: The Insulin-Resistance Diet--Revised and Updated: How to Turn Off Your Body's Fat-Making Machine by Cheryle Hart and Mary Kay Grossman. I was amazed because I no longer crave sweets all the time and I no longer loose energy and the will without that carb pick-me-up.

I also understand about the relationship. Relationships are never perfect and I say that if it's important for you, then do what's best. Just remember, a high-stress relationship is going to effect weight management. (I know, I live with a person who suffers from depression.)

I've also gotten my son involved in exercise. He doesn't like to exercise but he love me and wants to help me do better and I make sure to always tell him how his participation is helping me and making me feel better because I don't like doing it alone (I tend to be lazy on my own.) It's good for the both of us! I enjoyed reading about your daughter wanting to "dance" with you!

Best regards!

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8/5/12 11:25 A

WICKEDNANITA - if you read this entire thread, there are lots of great ideas here. Your situation is a little different than the original post. It may help you to start a new thread so others can speak directly to your specific problems. I'm sure there are many people here on Spark who are in the same boat, and have been in the same boat who can give you great insight, wisdom, and practical help/support.

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8/5/12 11:15 A

I am in need of help with ideas and motivation. I saw this title and thought it fit me to a "T" I realized this morning and broke down crying knowing that I have let my weight out of control since none of my clothes fit me. I am a single mom of 4 kids and have a job that I sit the majority of the day! They have just switched the schedule to working 4-10, so i know work 7 to 5. But as in 2 weeks I will be working 6:30 to 5. Use my lunch hour to pick up my kids from school & after work taking my kids to their practices. The reason I give you my schedule is so you can see the whole picture and help me. I don't want to be this way.

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8/5/12 10:52 A

MAGGIEMURPHY - What an excellent idea! I have a 7 year old, 4 year old, and 2 year old. I already 'help' the 7 and 4 year old put their own clothes away. I'm thinking the 7 year old is certainly old enough to learn to fold her own laundry.

I think that, as Moms, we get so used to doing things ourselves and feeling taxed about it that we forget that it is not our role to just take care of everyone's needs all the time, for the rest of their lives, but rather to teach them to eventually live apart from us and be successful in their own lives.

: )

Thanks for the reminder!

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8/5/12 8:15 A

Pomb, I do have a problem - the water where I live has a horrible metallic yukky aftertaste and I cannot remember when was the last time I just drank a simple glass of water. It does not matter if mineral or tab (strictly forbidden) - it is all very yuk - can you maybe help me think of an alternative - a healthy alternative? I am not allowed citrus fruit .

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8/5/12 8:13 A

Bombshelly and Maggy - thank you for your very very very kind words and support. I am just at the base of the ladder for the moment but I expect to reach the top within a few weeks. I have no special occasion or anything like that to be "skinny" - just for myself and me. I did not have a mint chocolate today so I indulged in a sugar-free hard candy which is slowly giving me immense satisfaction cause I still have my mango and my yoghurt to eat and I am not hungry!!!!! . In addition, I am really looking forward to the pool day tomorrow and burning all these unwanted calories.
As mentioned, I had the schnitzel today in my salad and YES it did make a huge difference from the tuna or mortadella I usually put in it. It was more filling and seems to be glued to my stomack and keeping it nice and feeling full. Now, I am still allowed a mango and yoghurt for snack (as mentioned) and I still cannot believe how much I can eat and still remain within my caloric intake limits.!!!!!!!!!!!

current weight: 232.0

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8/5/12 8:04 A

Awesome Job Karen!!!!! Yay YOU! One thing I stopped doing a long time ago was folding laundry...I only folded mine...everyone else go theirs in a basket and what they did with it was their business...My response to the complaints were I washed and dried it be grateful for what I have done otherwise you can wash and dry your own.

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8/5/12 7:56 A

Look at you go, Spark Sister!

You have fantastic planning skills and drive. I love the 'one piece of candy a day' (for the kids AND for you!). That is so cute.

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8/5/12 4:26 A

Step 1: I bought schnitzel to put in my daily salad so that is my protein for this week and will see what it will be next week. I also bought grapes (for the week) and I started tracking my food and drink intake through the SP food tracker. I am sure I will see results very soon.
Step 2: Tomorrow is a full day at the pool with the kiddies so i will have plenty of time to swim and burn some unwanted calories - goody .
Step 3: Do 10minutes workout (printed from the Sparkpeople 10 minutes workout) before I go to sleep and after the kiddies are asleep.
So these are my first babysteps and I intend to continue to step 4 tomorrow (unless I am too dead to write anything after a whole day at the pool).


Edited by: KARS01 at: 8/5/2012 (04:44)

current weight: 232.0

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8/5/12 1:11 A

So, I just LOVE all the advice and I take it all to heart. I found out that I have downloaded a trillion fitness videos - including Tae Bo, suggested here, and one about dancing, and flirty girl fitness, etc..... Well, basically, this just shows me that there is a WILL to get in shape and now it is all a matter of finding a WAY. So, since I have no car and all is done by bus, I was thinking of jogging to the bus stop (when without the kids) and maybe even go to the next stop, not the one closest to my house (:-P). I will stop looking for excuses and really get myself there. My daughter saw the dance fitness video with me and she shouted "I wanna learn to dance like this" so there is one partner in crime for me, I know if she does it with me, my son will also want to participate and then I will have two partners in crime and what a beautiful crime it will be.. So I will continue to update all of you of my results - this time I am taking babysteps as suggested and I will fold the laundry once/twice a week and not every day. i will make more time for my kiddies and I have also decided that if I want to get healthier, my kiddies have to "suffer" ! So I am purchasing a "green" lunchbox for them which will be filled with lots of good and healthy food when they go back to school and right now, i make sure they cannot eat more then 1 piece of candy a day, each. In addition, I will add some kind of protein to my beloved huge salad and maybe even buy 2-3 extra bellpeppers (red and yellow are my favourites) and use them as snacks when i get the munchies. the only thing I will indulge in is 1 chocolate square of mint chocolate a day - it will be my daily prize - ONLY when I keep up with my workout and healthy eating. BTW, I barely eat any carbs (Ithink) bread is only 1-2 a week, pasta is once a week, etc..... so i guess this is one thing I don't need to count.....

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8/4/12 11:48 P

Reading some of these posts reminds me of the years my kids were young. For many reasons I couldn't do fitness classes. One was money issues, another was my husband and I were pastors, which means evenings and weekends we were working. And another was the fact we lived in rural areas without fitness classes and people thought we needed to be working during normal work hours, too. I remember how hard it was to get any childcare at all that we could afford. I did lots of walking and running with a jogging stroller. I worked out with Denise Austin and others on television. I would record the shows and use them over and over. I remember how tired I was at times with just keeping up with a young family and my career. Now, I'm in a different place. My oldest will be going off to college and my younger one is a junior in high school. In some ways I think of those early years fondly. I feel like time has gone too fast. Love your children. Do what you need to do. Be creative in how you meet your fitness goals and needs. Denise Austin was my fitness icon back then because she knew what it was like to have kids and not have the luxury of gym time. You can meet your goals. Be positive and know you can do it. Its okay that your kids are your life. I have to admit that my family is my life. I do what I do, including my fitness goals for my family. I take care of myself so I can be there for them.
Cindi

current weight: 166.5

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8/4/12 11:01 P

Exercise in the morning, drink plenty of water, get rid of convenience food, limit sugar to a minimum and no eating after 5pm.

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8/4/12 11:09 A

All great advise. I, too, need to take it and start putting myself first. Thanks all.

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8/3/12 11:23 P

Kars01, just because you asked for help from your team members, I know you will make a good decision for you and your family. You can definitely do it!

Bettie

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8/3/12 9:31 P

What a great thread with lots of great suggestions. Update, please? I'm hanging on the edge of my seat, cheering you on!

Relationships are not always what we thought/dreamed they would be. Sometimes we just have the mourn the loss of our expectations, do the best with what we have at the moment, and slowly work toward making a better situation for the future; whatever that will be.

As for "me" time. I felt the same way you did about 2 months ago. And, I thought my husband wouldn't 'help' because he would always say, "That's your job. You stay at home all day." Until I had several conversations with him about the way too many things that seem to have become 'my job'. I also realized that I was buying into this idea that everything was all my responsibility, and I had to let some things go. Therefore, my house is not always picked up. The dishes are not always done. Right now, I have laundry that needs to be put away. But - I ran 3 miles this morning. I did it while my husband was getting ready for work and the kids were sleeping. And I'm okay with that. I have to be.

And, my husband has picked up tasks here and there, for which I praise him profusely and shower him with all sorts of appreciation (even if it's not the way I would do it, or he starts something but doesn't finish). I ignore the shoes he leaves all over the house if I don't feel like picking them up; same with his socks on the floor, dirty dishes, and piles of projects in process.

Sometimes the changes you make have to start with how you think about things. Then the action parts follow.

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8/3/12 4:10 P

My suggestion to you, and this is just a suggestion, is take baby steps, like some other commenters have stated. When you start off strong and full of energy, saying, "I am going to run a mile a day", you find yourself getting discouraged when you don't make that mile and eventually, you will stop all together. In baby steps, you can say, "I will walk 1/2 a mile three times a week" This is a little more realistic, at least it is for me. In past, I have set unrealistic goals and failed. So this time around, since May of this year, I have been watching what I eat (I backslide sometimes by having a soda or red meat), and trying to stick to more nutritious foods (fruits, veggies, beans, nuts) and exercising three-four times a week (elliptical) for 30-45 minutes. I would like to do five-six days a week, but I am not mentally ready for that yet. So, I am going to stick with where I am for now and gradually work my way up. Another thing that you have to watch is the snacking. It is so easy to do. I don't keep any snacks at my desk except for the occasional piece of fruit or some tomatoes and cucumbers. Another one of my weaknesses is sour pickles. So yummy :) Other than this, I have cut the snacking out all together (even at home and on the go).

A really nice snack that I love: slice 1/2 cucumber, slice one Roma tomato, and slice a sour pickle (small). Add a little sea salt and pepper, some lemon juice (just a squeeze or two; I use a real lemon) and 2 Tbsp of Italian dressing. So good :)

~Tomekia

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8/3/12 4:07 P

I have to agree with you, GRIZ1GIRL. Exercising is definitely a key part of the equation when on this journey of losing or maintaining weight and staying healthy.

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