Okay...look out. I'm rabid now!
I was almost going to get a gastrectomy to reach my goal of getting healthy. There is nothing wrong with that, but I decided that it's not for me until I actually do every single thing I can do to lose this on my own. I will NOT go into surgery before I know that it is my last resort!
So...here I am...
I feel for the last ten years or so I have not cared for myself at all. My self esteem has been so low that I didn't care how fat I got, didn't care how I felt, didn't care how I looked. I didn't care about my life at all, much. Now that I am climbing out of that hole I fell into, and learning to manage my social anxiety, working at a new job in nursing, and trying to map out who I want to become, I am starting to believe in myself again.
I want to lose 120 pounds, folks...I want to lose it and keep it off without having to remove 80% of my stomach to manage it. If in the end I feel that is necessary, then so be it and I will do what I need to do to get healthy and be here to see my grandchildren. But there is no way I can go under the knife without pulling out all the stops to see if I can make this happen without taking that step. Can I? I'm not sure. But I have to know I tried my best, and I know I haven't.
So that's me tonight...checking in. I've decided to get started with Spark Coach and really work at this. I will need all sorts of support and motivation. I am just going to keep saying to myself...I believe....I believe....I believe....
It's the queen bee who sets the temperament of the hive.
| Pounds lost: 8.0