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FUNNYGIRLJESS's Photo FUNNYGIRLJESS SparkPoints: (5,133)
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9/23/14 9:23 P

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and I hear you when you say it doesn't work to have your husband talk to her.
my husband always sends the wrong message...that's why I had to go do it myself, it's awkward, but it gets the point across that "she and I" will always have a unique relationship, and we should respect one another.
we are cordial to this day, even though things can get weird at times...hehe
she can be that cliché MIL who just annoys the heck out of me, but the ? is...is she good to my husband and kids...yes.

and if drinking is a problem, cut it out of your activities all together. emoticon



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FUNNYGIRLJESS's Photo FUNNYGIRLJESS SparkPoints: (5,133)
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9/23/14 9:18 P

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Does she have any other D-I-L's?
Tell her she's your one and only MIL and that is a special role to you. She may feel nervous and not know how to deal. Not that you should tip-toe around her, but she may not know how to act or what to say.
Make things as comfortable as you can, for the both of you...
My MIL is the SWEETEST thing, but she can be really hard to talk to. I must put my foot down when something is really important, otherwise she doesn't ask, and she does things her way.
good luck...
and if u feel like you need to talk with her one-on-one, just drop by and say I've never been in this situation, let's work together



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SNOWKAT Posts: 378
9/22/14 3:29 P

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Have her come over and plan a fun activity with the kids that makes drinking difficult. A game of kickball, catch, painting, coloring, blocks, card games.

This way you and your hubby will be engaged with the kids and she'll either join in (which would be great for the kids), or get tired of visiting and the vists being too busy.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon



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BEHAPPY24-7 Posts: 30
7/21/14 7:56 A

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I think every MIL gives you problems. I know from experience! We have a relationship that is good one day and strained the next. Lately its been strained! Hang in there!

TSHIRTGIRL's Photo TSHIRTGIRL Posts: 4
7/21/14 2:54 A

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She sounds like my MIL. Very overbearing & super sensitive to any requests to cut back. I would definitely have a good talk with your husband about everything & include WHY you feel how you feel. If she is how she sounds to be, ANYTHING that comes from you, she will take defensively, it should definitely come from him. Maybe just have him start by telling her that you guys decided not to drink when the kids are home & go from there. That may be enough to have her back off a little. Good luck.



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MINDAROO's Photo MINDAROO Posts: 14
7/19/14 1:18 A

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I've been married for 13 years and we have four children, 7, 9, and 2.5 y/o twins. My MIL issues didn't start until our oldest was born. I will tell you that, after 9 years now of dealing with this, you and your husband need to talk about what you're okay with and what you're not okay with and HE needs to have a conversation with her (or both of you if you're comfortable with it) and set some boundaries, or it will continue and continue adding stress to your life. She may think it's all your idea, but that's her problem, not yours. You have every right to do what's right for your family. Let her know what you ARE okay with in terms of visits so she can't say you're keeping her grandchildren from her.



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EISKONIGIN's Photo EISKONIGIN SparkPoints: (6,608)
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7/15/14 11:06 P

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If he were to ask her not to come by, it would turn into something that /I/ told him to do. It's happened in the past. Then it would turn into a big mess and I'm "keeping her from her grandchildren". Whoa now, way too much drama.
I feel like I'm just kind of stuck between a rock and hard place, lol.

I know she doesn't mean any harm. She's just been acting overly wild. I want to say midlife crisis? But she really isn't going to find kindred spirits with us, we just don't find enjoyment out of the things she is wanting to do.



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LUANN_IN_PA Posts: 16,262
7/15/14 11:06 A

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Your husband should be the one dealing with his mother.
Does he tell her she can't come over? If not, he should!

“We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.”
~ Randy Pausch

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results."
~ Art Turock

"We have a saying in Tibet: If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good."
~ 7 Years in Tibet
EISKONIGIN's Photo EISKONIGIN SparkPoints: (6,608)
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7/15/14 2:05 A

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My mother in law and I started out with a very strained relationship. 2 years ago, after the loss of my youngest daughter, our relationship drastically improved, however, I am always nervous that one wrong word or slip up on my part will undo everything.

The issue I am facing right now is that she is constantly wanting to make plans to come over and drink with my husband and myself. This isn't exactly something I am okay with. I can't get a baby sitter for my little ones, and I just don't want them to be around the activity (and really, drinking isn't something that is going to help me in weight loss journey).

She's been acting like a teenage girl the past few months and honestly, I just feel incredibly uncomfortable and irritated around it.
Obviously I could never say as much, but I also wish I could drop a non-imposing hint that the way she is behaving isn't fitting for a household with small children.

I've suggested on multiple occasions to my husband that he should go over to her house and spend time with her, but even he finds it all uncomfortable.

There must be a way I can settle this without it turning into full-blown drama. Does anyone have any suggestions? It's getting to a point where it's stressing me out more than I would like to admit.



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