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IWILLBEWELLTOO's Photo IWILLBEWELLTOO SparkPoints: (36,191)
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11/11/15 1:37 P

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I just spent 4 days with my daughter and son-in-law and even though he is not my favorite person, I can be polite for the reward of spending time with my daughter and grandson.

IAMHOLDINGON's Photo IAMHOLDINGON Posts: 2,289
11/11/15 8:55 A

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Mine simply doesn't like me. Didn't even attend our wedding 20 years ago.

IWILLBEWELLTOO's Photo IWILLBEWELLTOO SparkPoints: (36,191)
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10/21/15 4:12 P

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We aren't getting together as a family very often. My daughter really doesn't want to be around my daughter-in-law, so that makes it difficult. We were trying to do family counseling for a while to express and get over the hurt feelings. My son if going to be moving out of State at the end of the year so we will be seeing him even less. Hopefully we will stay in touch.

RACHEALRHAE's Photo RACHEALRHAE SparkPoints: (2,733)
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10/20/15 6:45 P

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It sounds like your son has totally changed since meeting his new wife and as much as you want to say something and maybe have a right to say something, unless she is causing him harm or something along those lines I wouldn't. My MIL and I use to get along just fine I even considered her my mom at one point but she started treating her son weird (I don't feel like getting into it) and now she's passing that along to our sons and I can't let it happen with my boys. My story is long and strange. I hope things improve for you! You sound like a caring MIL who just wants the best for her son. My MIL isn't. I wish you luck I pray that it all works out for you and I hope to here how things are going. Its tough. Do you see them often? I wish you luck

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IWILLBEWELLTOO's Photo IWILLBEWELLTOO SparkPoints: (36,191)
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10/20/15 3:44 P

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It was a big shock at first, and quite frankly I felt like my daughter-in-law had a hidden agenda. Another thing I didn't mention, that was very hurtful was they got married and I wasn't told about their plans or invited to the wedding. He didn't even tell us he was married for months. My daughter who is two years older than my son had been blocked from his facebook page but she managed to get on it and there were the wedding pictures. (That was how we find out, he never told us.) His excuse was, you would have tried to talk me out of it. Going forward, I keep trying to stay positive...

RACHEALRHAE's Photo RACHEALRHAE SparkPoints: (2,733)
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10/20/15 12:06 P

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No I wouldn't say anything ever. All you will do is create a riff. Weight is a touchy issue especially for women.

Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.


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LOVE4KITTIES's Photo LOVE4KITTIES Posts: 2,995
10/19/15 3:28 P

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Oh, that's terrible. I'm so sorry for this dreadful situation. I wouldn't like her, either!





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IWILLBEWELLTOO's Photo IWILLBEWELLTOO SparkPoints: (36,191)
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10/19/15 2:53 P

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You are very intuitive, my daughter-in-law would not have been the person I would have chosen. She has seven kids by almost that many different men and she is old enough to be his mother. He was also under the influence of alcohol for most of their relationship. He is currently sober and I am doing my best to support his choice. Because of abusing alcohol he has some serious health issues which are worsened by the weight. I keep telling myself that as long as he is happy, that is all that counts. They are both adults and I recognize that if I want a relationship with my son, I have to be open to and show respect towards my daughter-in-law.

LOVE4KITTIES's Photo LOVE4KITTIES Posts: 2,995
10/16/15 5:30 P

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Sirry about the typos in my previous post, which was made using my phone (which took it upon itself to change what I wrote). I cannot figure out how to edit with my cell phone.

Anyway, I also wanted to say that your post kind of led me to think that, maybe, there are some problems between you and your daughter-in-law or, maybe, you don't like her very much. Maybe I'm just imagining this and sorry if that's the case. But, I did want to say, if this is the case, that I'm sorry for your situation. I've seen too many bad things happen, in my own family as a result of MILs snd DILs having bad feelings towards each other. It's a bad situation and the son is caught in the middle but invariably chooses his wife over his mother.

Silence is truly your best bet here, I think.



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LOVE4KITTIES's Photo LOVE4KITTIES Posts: 2,995
10/16/15 5:18 P

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I seriously doubt that your daughter-in-law has actually wanted your son to gain weight so other women wouldn't be attracted to him. I'm also sure she didn't want to gain weight, herself. Remember, too, that no one can actually force anyone else to eat food they don't want, so your sons' weight gain is not something that's her fault.

In all likelihood, what has happened with the two two of them is what commonly happens to people after they get married.... Weight gain after marriage is extremely common. Marriage is a huge change in life and involves changes in schedule, lifestyle, changes in how people feel (people often "relax" into married life, relax with each other and so forth), etc. and people commonly end up eating too many calories (together) and end up gaining weight. It's so common that it has a name--"newlywed spread."

What your daughter-in-law said was either a joke ir says out of defensiveness and insecurity about the weight gain that they have experienced.




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IWILLBEWELLTOO's Photo IWILLBEWELLTOO SparkPoints: (36,191)
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10/16/15 4:03 P

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LOVE4KITTIES, thank you for pointing out that voicing my concern might not be appreciated. My daughter in law actually said that she wants to fatten up my son so no one else will look at him. Based on that, it's not likely that being concerned about his health would matter.

AERO_NERDETTE's Photo AERO_NERDETTE SparkPoints: (19,138)
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10/15/15 8:29 A

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I agree with KITTIES. Mentioning weight loss/gain, or asking when you can expect to have grandkids is personal, and likely won't be taken well, even if they can manage to hide their frustration. Speaking from experience as a daughter-in-law, I knew my MIL/FIL would ask about when we're planning for kids (my own parents know that we'll get to that point when we come to it, and don't harp on it). I did my best to be tactful, but "shut it down" in a way that no more questions would be asked in the future (My response: "Not planning for kids any time soon, but we'll let you know when we do get pregnant.").

Just call me La. Most everyone else does.

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LOVE4KITTIES's Photo LOVE4KITTIES Posts: 2,995
10/15/15 7:05 A

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Your son and daughter-in-law know they have gained weight. They don't need you to tell them. No one actually gains a bunch of weight and doesn't know it has happened. You saying something isn't going to be helpful. They aren't going to lose weight because you say something to them about their weight. The most likely scenario is that you will upset them and damage your relationship with both of them. I advise silence.



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IWILLBEWELLTOO's Photo IWILLBEWELLTOO SparkPoints: (36,191)
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10/14/15 7:12 P

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I am a mother in law and am concerned about how much weight both my son and daughter-in-law have gained since they got married a year ago. Anyone know of a good way to say something or should I shut up!

FORZACHANDMATT's Photo FORZACHANDMATT Posts: 10,807
10/4/15 2:49 P

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Ugh - I know what that's like :(

Jennie, Virginia
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RACHEALRHAE's Photo RACHEALRHAE SparkPoints: (2,733)
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10/1/15 11:39 A

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My MIL knows everything! She is queen and I'm only a fat servant.... emoticon
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Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.


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10/21/14 8:17 A

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I'm so sorry your mom did that - it is so tough when out loved ones are like that

Jennie, Virginia
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AERO_NERDETTE's Photo AERO_NERDETTE SparkPoints: (19,138)
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10/17/14 2:07 P

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My MIL isn't the healthiest gal in town, and has never been a cook. I think she caused a lot of problems with my husband's diet that started when he was a little kid (keeping junk in the house, not cooking anything healthy, very few fruits/veggies). However, she's never been mean to me when it comes to my weight. She and my FIL think I'm the best thing since sliced bread for my husband.

My own mother has. The worst was when I tried on my wedding dress for the first time, and her reaction was, "It would lay so much better if you were XX lbs lighter." I almost burst into tears in the dress shop.

Just call me La. Most everyone else does.

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KMFITZ721's Photo KMFITZ721 Posts: 89
10/10/14 7:01 P

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Neither my late mother-in-law nor my current mother-in-law have done that. My mother, however, the last time I saw her commented on the fact I have cellulite on my thighs. I understand and know it hurts.



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JENSTRESS's Photo JENSTRESS Posts: 3,675
10/2/14 11:23 A

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WOW. No never, and I'm so sorry for all of you beautiful ladies.

My MIL is a pain and sticks her nose in too often, and tries to do things she shouldn't, but she's never that insulting.

JENN53888's Photo JENN53888 Posts: 108
10/1/14 10:00 P

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wow. No. but we're both always trying to loose weight, so I can't imagine her saying anything rude to me, I'd get her back. lol

But really, I can't imagine her saying something like that anyway, she's not always the nicest person in the world, but she's not rude.

Jennifer: Trying again in 2016 to reach onederland. didn't think I'd be doing this again, but that's what happens when you spend 2015 slacking off.


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CHRISSYBUCKSBEE's Photo CHRISSYBUCKSBEE Posts: 6
10/1/14 7:05 P

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My MIL has never said anything to me about my weight or done anything.. but she has told my then 9 year old step daughter that she is to chubby and needs to loose weight.. mean while she was at a perfectly healthy weight for her age and height, but it made me so upset. the poor girl now is always worried about how much she weighs.

unfortanitly they are like that sometimes. Mine is currently recovering from a few months of health issues.. and can hardly take care of herself so realies on us for everything, its not fun expecaily since we don't get along to begin with..

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CANDACEMM's Photo CANDACEMM Posts: 1,218
10/1/14 3:46 P

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Why in the world are some MIL's so insensitive and rude?



BUSYBEE37's Photo BUSYBEE37 Posts: 1,113
9/26/14 3:26 P

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My former MIL told me I should wear skirts more often because then my legs don't look so big.

Insensitive.

Sorry she did that to you.

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ZORBS13's Photo ZORBS13 SparkPoints: (137,794)
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7/25/14 5:22 A

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My mom has bought me size 14 pants when in reality I wear a 2...

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BEHAPPY24-7 Posts: 30
7/21/14 7:57 A

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Wow! These are MIL horror stories!

TSHIRTGIRL's Photo TSHIRTGIRL Posts: 4
7/21/14 2:46 A

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My MIL buys extremely large clothes & pants with elastic waist bands & gives them to me in front of other people & says, "I'm not sure if they'll fit...". I've been there. For a while. I'm sorry.



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FORZACHANDMATT's Photo FORZACHANDMATT Posts: 10,807
7/20/14 2:50 P

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So sorry

That didn't happen to me but my MIL accidentally texted me (meant to text a friend) saying how she couldn't believe how much weight I had gained - I was so angry and upset and instead of pushing me to start helping myself, it pushed me into a worst depression and it wasn't until about 18 months later, I did something. I have moved last it but not sure I will ever forgive her or forget

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LUANN_IN_PA Posts: 17,576
6/25/14 10:39 P

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Nope.

Sorry that happened to you!

�We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.�
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KHULATTA's Photo KHULATTA Posts: 122
6/25/14 8:02 A

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Has anyone's MIL pointed to their stomach and said "you have 3 stomachs"? I'm guessing my baby muffin top is one of them.



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