having some of the same problems with my daughter-except she's 21 with no license n no job... she's been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder though so pretty much she's a classic text book case... when your baby girl is still acting like a baby girl-yet wants the ''rights'' of an adult but not the responsibilities.. kills ya. i think mom's especially have a horrible time with enforcing any rules-but for me at least i know it's because i am pathological, and because of that she's able to manipulate me... good luck dearie. please keep me updated n let me know how u ru..
ps i am putting a link down - just in case you'd like to check out the possibilities of BPD i can't say your child is or is not- just some of the things you said of remind me of my daughter's behaviors
If your daughter has been talking about suicide, I think it would be best for you to get some advice from a doctor, a suicide hotline, a counselor or some other qualified professional. It may be that she's just threatening this to get her way, but she could also be serious. So, I agree that you should not take any chances.
Does your daughter have plans for the future? Is she going to school or to some other training program to get job skills? If not, does she have a plan for getting some on the job training? In other words, is she moving towards a place where she will be able to support herself in a reasonable fashion? I'm sure you know this, but...it sounds like she needs a plan for the future and she needs to start doing things.
If she has no plans for the future and doesn't know what to do, but she has a high school diploma, no criminal convictions, no real mental problems (e.g. stuff that she needs to take medication for)...has she considered the military? That would solve two problems. It would get her away from her deadbeat boyfriend and it would give her a job (and a place to live) that she could build on for the future. If the military is out, there is a program called job corps (www.jobcorps.gov). They have training programs and some of them are residential (meaning she would be moving out of your house). It's a basic program, but kids will often move from job corps to other education or training programs.
I do think that you and your husband are right that your daughter needs to get a job, move out and support herself. It would be one thing for her to stay at home if she were going to college and had a plan to get a degree and was making sufficient progress towards that goal. But, too many kids these days are just staying home, doing nothing, maybe working part time... They end up being 30 years old, still living at home, having no job (or working part time) and lacking job skills (so they cannot get a real job that would allow them to support themselves) and having no motivation to get out and get any job skills. They basically live at home, are supported by their parents and they seem to have no motivation to ever support themselves and no real intention of ever doing so.
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So I need advice like never before!My 19 year old daughter moved out 14 months ago,lasted 11 months with her older sister moved back home with the understanding she get a job,save almost every penny to move out and so far she has made almost $1,000.She has a boyfriend she feels mad love for but he is a total deadbeat.He is 21 has no drivers license,a job he works when he feels like it or weather permitting aka a car wash owned by family.He told my daughter he saved up $1200 for a used car.He can tell her the moon is made of guacamole and she believes him.We tell her something she does not believe us.She lost all of her friends when she started a relationship with this guy.We found out yesterday that she had given him $600 of her savings because "He found a car"My husband is beyond angry and says she has a week to find another place to stay.He says she thinks we are a couple of gullable idiots.She can cry and puke on command.She only shows she cares about anything when we say her time is up.We have given her extra time twice.When she sees her tears have no effect she moves in on me and uses a mothers heart to twist the knife.She says she has no reason to live and her boyfriends mom(of course he lives with her)wont allow her to live there.She will be homeless and though there's a bus that runs daily,It takes too long and she has to get up too early to be to work on time.She has talked about suicide several times and I don't want to take any chances.Im very torn and worried!Please Help!
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