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AMANDAMF05's Photo AMANDAMF05 SparkPoints: (1,045)
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1/30/14 3:03 P

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I am sorry you have to go through this. I truly do not know how you are feeling. My father only contacts me when he is drunk(this is once a year or every other) for 10 years now. The day after my 16th birthday he called me to wish me a happy belated birthday, but also to call me a whore, because I lost my virginity! I was always a very open teenager, with my mom. I told her almost everything. So when I lost my virginity, I told her, because I felt guilty and wanted to make sure I was being safe. Well my mom became concerned so she called my father to ask for his help with talking to me about this. Instead of helping my mother, he thought he would call and put me down. I ended up trying to kill myself the next day. He never came to see me, he never called, and I did not hear from him for over a year. Now I am lucky if I hear from him once a year! This used to hurt me so much. I look at my children and think "how can you help make someone so wonderful, but yet not be there for him or her?" I used to have major depression due to it, but I had to keep reminding myself this is his loss, not mine.

I know my story is much different from your's, but just remember if your father can not love you the way you are, or treat you with respect, it is his loss. Try talking to him though, try telling him just how you feel, and if that doesn't work then just try to focus your energy on more positive things. Trust me I know it is easier said than done! I wish you so much luck, and I hope it all turns around for you!



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DRKPKING's Photo DRKPKING Posts: 66
1/26/14 9:22 A

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TWINKLE86
I can identify and it is puzzling to me also
my father, mother and grandmother ALWAYS commented when I put ANY weight on

first thing they would mention when they saw me!
I even went to a weight loss clinic when I was in high school - i think at 5'4" I weighed about 130 lbs and was so worried -- in part due to their nagging and criticism

I have struggled (much more than that weight) throughout my life..up and down with weight
family support has never been there-- quite the opposite

Your great difficulty is having to live with them at this point.. Some great advice provided here!
You are in my thoughts and NO you are not alone



Eager to learn and be of help where I can!

KPK
aka Geek Goddess (GG)
390 520 390

Starting weight: 245 lbs (Jan, 2013)
Diabetes diagnosis: 227 lbs
Post TKR (2nd) 202 lbs (Dec 26, ,2013)
March 8, 2014:
193 lbs (51lbs lost!)

Target weight #3 : 185.0 lbs (July, 2014?)

Goals: Recovery from knee replacements, and training to return to golf, dancing, and Arizona as much as I possibly can!


 Pounds lost: 34.0 
 
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BEHAPPY24-7 Posts: 30
1/6/14 3:44 P

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I think parents always mean well and they never intend to hurt you but they tend to give the harshest remarks and criticism. Maybe talk to your dad and say you are trying. Although if he is older in age he won't care. Older folks don't have a filter most of the time. Good luck! And just shake it off! Keep up the good work of eating right and getting active!

LISABOUCHARD's Photo LISABOUCHARD SparkPoints: (2,154)
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1/4/14 10:00 A

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You're in a tough predicament, but it's definitely one you can work around. The thing that matters most is your opinion of yourself.

You know you're doing the right thing for you. You know the amount of emotional and mental strength you are using to make healthy choices for you.

Another healthy choice for you is to surround yourself with people who support you. If this isn't completely possible in person, make online friends (like us here) who will cheer you on.

Finally, just do your best to let negative comments roll off your back like water on a duck. It's a good talent to develop in life.

Hang in there, and remember that the most important opinion is your own and as long as you are being true to yourself and pursuing your goals you're doing the right thing.



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MRSKJUSTICE Posts: 39
1/1/14 6:45 A

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Miami Lilly gives great advice. She is right about your dad not wanting you to succeed, on some level, because it would take away his excuses. My mom used to make feel like choosing to continue my education would make me a bad mother and a bad wife. She had four girls and never finished college, and she told me that I was selfish to try. I am almost done with my BA, with three happy kids and a proud husband. She doesn't say a lot about it anymore. I know it's different, but it's kind of the same. You are not alone. When you make choices that are different from somebody else's, sometimes they think it means that you think you are better than them in some way and they want to bring you down. Don't let him bring you down.

MIAMI_LILLY's Photo MIAMI_LILLY SparkPoints: (93,940)
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12/3/13 10:36 A

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For the most part, my parents were very supportive, but what I do know is this...your dad is a bully. Most likely, he feels horrible about himself, being overweight, and so when he sees you trying to improve yourself, he wants to make you feel as bad about yourself as he does. After all, if you lost weight, despite your disability, then what excuse would he have? Not only that, he would be alone in his misery.
Every day, write down a positive quality about yourself. After a month, sit down and read them out loud. Do that every day. And on top of recognizing your good qualities, know that God loves you just the way you are. He created you, and you can do anything with His help!



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TWINKLE86 SparkPoints: (129)
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10/29/13 11:26 P

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Hello
A brief history about me. I was on the site about a year or so ago was doing great and then life happened. Long story short I am 27 and on disability. I'd rather not go into why. I have to live with parents as a result and while my mom is great my dad is another story. I have always been fat but with medication and not working I have gained more weight. My health issue is not weight related and not effected by weight.
Well two weeks ago I decided enough is enough and I was going to go to a nutritionist. I am doing ok. I cheated once. Well my dad just won't let up about how fat I am and keeps making comments. He's fat himself and eats like crap so I don't get why. It just really gets to me.
I just feel really isolated. The things he says. If I had children and was able to have children I would never say those things.
I don't need advice I just want to know that someone else is going through what I am going through. Thank you

Edited by: TWINKLE86 at: 10/30/2013 (00:14)
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