Starving teenager

Posts: 117
5/10/13 12:42 P

They are definitely able to buy lunch at school. However, it's not exactly cheap, and I have absolutely no desire to be handing over $100 per week for her to have lunch at school every day. She does occasionally ask for money for lunch, and sometimes I'll give it to her for a treat, but I buy groceries to make lunches with because it's much more cost effective and a lot healthier than most of what she chooses to eat from the school cafeteria.

She has too many after school activities to think of holding down a student job as well at this point. When she does decide that she wants a job, she can buy her own lunch. But for now, we're working on alternatives.

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5/10/13 12:11 P

Are they able to buy lunch at school? maybe she would rather that.

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5/8/13 1:39 P

Don't see anything wrong with your actions. You're right, she won't starve before she get home and I bet she will remember to pack her lunch next time.

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4/29/13 11:31 A

My daughter will do that sometimes - not eat breakfast or lunch, and then make herself a meal for 'snack' after school, followed by turning down supper because she's still full from her 'snack'...although she has gotten better recently.

We found some cereal bars that she likes, and while not the absolute best option for breakfast, they're better than nothing. And she can eat them on the bus, which makes it easier for her. When I was her age, I walked half an hour to school. I could leave home at 7:30 and get to school with 15 minutes to spare. My daughter has to catch the city bus at 7:05 am in order to get to school on time. If she catches the next bus, half an hour later, she's late. And like most teenagers, she values an extra five minutes of sleep in bed far more than she values actual sustenance.

For lunch, although I prefer if she takes an actual lunch, I've been letting her pack herself half a dozen snacks. At least she eats them, and she's pretty good about making sure they're fairly balanced. What's missing is the protein, unfortunately, but so far she hasn't found something that she likes that has high protein. She does buy lunch at school every now and then, and I send her with a box of granola bars so at least on the days that she 'forgets' her lunch, she has SOMETHING to eat!

We're working on the meal in place of a snack after school issue. Unfortunately she gets home before I do, so although I remind her that a snack is just supposed to be a snack to tide her over until dinner, it's difficult to enforce. And then there are the days when she has activities in the evening where I actually WANT her to make herself a full meal, since I won't have time to make something before we have to whisk her off to her activities! It's a work in progress.

Good luck Robbin! Just remember when they were cute and adorable, and that some day, they'll have a child just like them!! That's what my mother used to say to me....she was so right!

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4/25/13 3:40 P

Our daughter 14 wasn't eating breakfast or lunch at school and would come home famished and want to eat a full meal and then when dinner can around she either didn't like it or didn't want it. She only wants rice or pasta no meat. School (grades) we slipping fast so we had to go to the councilor for help. Now she eats a small breakfast because she have to take a vitamin D pill and mulit vit. She would only do this after the school intervened. Food+brain power. Raising a teenage has many new prob than when we were kids. I also gave into our teen paid for things and now that she can get a summer job (Almost 15) she doesn't want to and pitted her dad against me about it. Want to sleep all day a get up right before we get home in the afternoon. Even though she is to be watching our 9 year old. Sour moods and cranky attitude. Puts me in a bad mood.

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3/21/13 4:33 P

Tough Love..

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3/17/13 11:53 A

My sons have been brought up on the principle if you want crap you buy it yourself and it is out of your own pocket money and go get it yourself.. No dear mom here either and if we are in town sorry boys no extra money to crap..

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2/26/13 5:56 P

@FIT_BY_30

Thank you for the chuckle! That is such a familiar scenario that I could perfectly imagine the tone of voice and the dramatic pouts. We used to go through something very similar when she was younger, although she usually just wanted to stop somewhere 'new' and have 'store bought' food rather than something I cooked. We weren't much on fast food, and even now she's not a huge fan, so at least we weren't getting nagged to go to McDonald's.

I've been the evil mother so many times that at times I've seriously considered taking some of the costume fake devil's horns, dipping them in gold paint, and putting them on every time she accused me of being evil or mean. MOST of the time she doesn't go there anymore, since she's old enough now to be aware of and understand the things that used to make me an evil mother. But maybe I'll make myself some of those gold plated devil's horns anyway, just to have the threat of embarassing her....

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2/26/13 3:33 P

My daughter is only eleven, but we have dealt with this.

My in-laws live four hours away. When we go to visit, I tell her, "MAKE SURE YOU EAT WHEN I COOK, BECAUSE WE ARE NOT STOPPING FOR FAST FOOD. WE ARE NOT STOPPING TO GET A BAG OF CHIPS OR A CANDY BAR.". I will cook, she's not hungry, so she won't eat. I'll pack some bananas, apples, crackers, etc. (I have blood sugar issues, therefore I make sure to have snacks on hand during the trip.) Five minutes after we get on the interstate, this child is DYING in the backseat. DYING!! Starving to death, wanna go to McDonald's DYING in the backseat. We, of course, say no, because Mom just cooked and everybody ate before we left the house. I offer her a banana, apple, whatever. "I WANT A BURGER! I NEED FRIES!!!"

Well, pardon me for calling BS here, but she don't get things like that. Needless to say, by the time we get to Granny's I'm the meanest Mommy that ever lived and she is just traumatized by the fact that Mom and Dad said no to a burger and fries.

At fifteen, she is old enough to take responsibility for her lunch. Welcome to the evil mother from hell group. I will hunt up a pen so you can sign the registry.....as soon as I get through drinking my coffee. :)

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2/20/13 1:13 P

Mom

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2/20/13 12:51 P

GOOD FOR YOU, Mom.

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2/20/13 12:40 P

Thank you everyone for your replies. I've been ill and haven't been online, so it's taken me a while to respond.

I did not cave and take her her lunch, although I did worry about her not eating all day. In the end, she borrowed money from a friend to buy lunch, and she'll be paying her friend back with her own allowance money.

We sat down and had a talk about the situation, and what could be done to combat it in future. My daughter is like me...I don't like to eat breakfast first thing either. In fact, I usually bring my breakfast to work and eat it at work rather than at home. If I eat first thing in the morning I end up with an upset stomach for the rest of the day, and she's the same way. What we've done about the lack of breakfast situation is we now have a selection of cereal bars in the cupboard for her to grab one that she can eat on the bus or during her first class. She'd doing ok with remembering to grab it, but it's not perfect yet.

We've also picked up some granola bars that she can keep in her locker in case of future bouts of forgetfulness. And she now understands that under no circumstances will I be coming running to her rescue if she forgets again. Convincing my SO that he has to let her go hungry for the day if she forgets is a bit of a battle, but we'll see how he copes when it happens again. And if she borrows money to buy lunch, it will come out of her allowance money. I'm not paying for her to buy lunch when we have perfectly good food at home that she can make a lunch with. I have to say, she's doing better with this than she is with remembering to grab breakfast. Perhaps it has something to do with me threatening to wake her up when my SO gets up for work in the morning...at 5:30 am...so that she has time to eat breakfast and make a good lunch....

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2/16/13 9:36 A

yes I have delt with the too. my 10 yr old is worse than my 13 yr old. in fact last year the principle actually called me asking me about why he hasn't brought lunch. and I told him that I am not always going to jump to taking his lunch when I tell him he must make it.

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2/16/13 9:01 A

My almost 13 year old dd is homeschooled so we don't have the same issue with food that school kids do. She has free access to food most of the time. She gets her own breakfast 60% of the time and all her own snacks. I usually make lunch for both of us.
Dd does not leave our house without eating first. It has always been that way. It doesn't have to be something huge but going out with no food in her system is not going to happen.

When I was a teenager I stopped eating breakfast and skipped lunch at school even though I was hungry. I didn't ask for money or food. No one said or did anything. I ate in the evening and on weekends. I certainly survived and functioned skipping meals but I think it started some really horrible eating habits so it isn't something I would want my child doing very often.

I wouldn't bring your a 15 year old money or lunch but I would sit down with her and find a way to help her eat/drink something for breakfast and remember her lunch/money.
I would remind her the night before or in the morning to put her money or lunch where she will grab it.
Is there a pre-pay option for school lunches? I see
Maybe your dd could use a checklist that she marks off each morning so she remembers everything.
Maybe your dd would like a breakfast smoothie.
Maybe she would get into packing a bento style lunch box. bentolunch.livejournal.com/
Maybe she could keep a stash of granola bars or dried fruit in her locker at school.

If she refuses to make an effort to feed herself then she can be hungry until after school. It won't kill her.

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2/15/13 1:42 P

I have to agree with the above post. The rules are the rules and your teenager has to accept that. i don't think that she is starving and if she is she needs to fix the problem not you. My only exception is if we overslept, I would help out, and when the kids are sick, I help out. (My kids are resourceful, if they run out of lunch money or forget to pack, they borrow from their friend and then return the favor the next day or on a day when their friends need it. My kids don't starve :) so she is just trying to get make you feel guilty and pick up a chore she doesn't wish to do :)

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2/14/13 3:41 P

I think you totally did the right thing! If you keep coddling her (and bringing her her lunch or money to buy a lunch that PROBABLY is not good for her) she's going to keep expecting you to. You're not evil. You're makingherass grow up, and she needs that. I totally am not feeling how she came at you with that "What are YOU going to do about it?" like she pays bills and buys groceries up in your house. I wish my kids would TRY talking to me like that. *rolls up sleeves and thumbs nose and sniffs*
You are NOT doing her any favors by running to her rescue. She's 15. Not five. You did awesome, provided you didn't cave.

She needs to start eating breakfast. PERIOD. It is not a choice any more. She will get used to it.

She needs to pack her own lunch for school the next day. A sandwich, a piece of fruit, and a bottle for water. (My sibs and I had to do this, from a VERY young age, otherwise, we were just hungry when we got home.)

I love my kids and they're not teenagers yet, but I believe that is one other thing that I would not allow to become a regular habit.

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2/14/13 11:40 A

Ok...the starving bit is a little melodramatic, but those were her words this morning..."I'm STARVING! I forgot my lunch. What are YOU going to do about it?"

My answer to her..."Absolutely nothing."

Yes, I'm the evil mother from hell. I'm letting my 15 year old daughter starve at school. She refuses to eat breakfast in the morning and often forgets to take a lunch or any snacks, expecting one of us to bring her money to buy a lunch or bring her lunch from home. Well today I've put my foot down. I can't afford to be missing an hour from work every time she does this, so I'm just not going to do it anymore. She won't starve to death in one 8 hour day, although I'm sure she'll feel like it. Maybe she'll learn to take a little responsibility for her own decisions.

Of course, I feel absolutely awful knowing that my child is hungry, and I'm fighting the urge to run to her rescue.

So other parents of current or former teenagers out there...have you dealt with something similar? What did you do? Do they EVER learn to think ahead to important things like meals?