Are these worthy friends?

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6/16/12 1:27 P

You can't control what other people do or say - you may be disappointed that they have not called you or apologized, but that disappointment is coming from within you and is only your reaction to the situation.

If they're not the type of friends you want them to be now, there is very little chance you will be able to turn them into the type of friends you want them to be going forward. You can't change or control people - you can only control your actions and responses. I don't know where you're located in Russia (whether it's a smaller area or heavily populated), but I'm willing to bet you can meet other people, ex-pats or not.

Take your kids to the park or get them into some kind of organized class or sport, or go to a class yourself - of any kind! Cooking, exercise, arts, writing, language, whatever strikes your fancy. These girls sound like frenemies, which is no kind of "friend" to have. You don't have to be mean or rude to them, but you may select which, if any, you keep continue to keep company with.

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6/9/12 1:45 A

Thank you for your responses, sorry for posting this in the wrong area---I was pressed for time and didn't realise there was a cafe area on SP.

If you have never been a along term expat you might not know it but a close group of friends (sometimes if for no other reason that there is a shared language) become closer than family.

Luann in PA I had to send them a message via facebook as most of their cell phones don't work in the countryside where the mega wealthy have their summer cottages. ...And no I am not into royalty per say but I did live in England and attend the Queen's Jubilee in 2004---which they know. I doubt the mutual Russian friend is into British Royalty either---but she got the the invite.

I have some serious thinking to do. In one way I do want to say goodbye to the ladies who are leaving but I would rather do it in a more genuine way individually rather than sit through another "cliquey" evening. Most of these women are too precious to bear another couple of months in Russia so I don't know why this is even sitting on my conscience so much.

There's no rule in this world that one person has to like another but what hurts me the most is that people who I thought were close to did not tell the one to put her feelings aside so that I might be ok. I am also upset that not a single person has bothered to call,text or email a simple 'sorry.' That would do wonders.

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6/8/12 11:14 A

So sorry to hear of such a rude bit of treatment. On the face value of what you said, I would not be able to call them friends, only acquaintances. But you will have to judge all of them individually and from past a present treatment to truly find how you wish to proceed. You also have to take into account your job and living situation since you are a long way away from more familiar friends and family. Keep the faith.

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6/8/12 11:14 A

Well, since you let everyone know that you WANT to be invited, shouldn't you go because they are doing exactly what you told them to do... invite you?

And why send "a civil message "??? Aren't you good enough friends to talk face-to-face with even ONE person?

IDK... the Brits are way into royalty than Americans. If you never showed interest in the Royal Family before this, I could see why they would not think to include you.


Maybe you'll get more responses in the cafe.
This post really has nothing to do with parenting OR family....

Edited by: LUANN_IN_PA at: 6/8/2012 (11:14)

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6/8/12 9:51 A

Hello everyone,

I need outside, neurtral perspectives badly. I am 28 and I live in Russia where I work as a Kindergarten teacher. I am a trained teacher and not one of many people who work overseas 'teaching English.'

My only friends here are other expats from the UK and one American---all of them are highly, highly paid nannies (so much I am thinking of becoming a governess in the next year or two.)

I thought we were cool and all really good friends until I had to discover via facebook that they had a special Queen's Jubilee/going away party with every single person in our group of about ten, including a Russian friend, invited but not me. I sent a civil message to everyone there succintly stating how surprised and hurt I was.

No one has responded except for one person who I don't know well who is well known not to be keen of me for some reason.She comes off as snobby and hostile despite the fact we have never even had a conversation. She essentially said to get over it. No one has called, sent me an email or texted

I just don't know what to think anymore, it's clear this one person persuaded the others to not invite me (even though the party was at another person, a friend's, house) and I simply cannot stand two faced or fake people as I have never been one. I also am completely non-materialistic and actually enjoy my job which none of the nannies do :(

I have been invited to a gathering Sunday, but should I go? I don't know if I can trust or respect these women anymore. Your thoughts?

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