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Posts: 335
11/24/09 4:04 A

I wanted at least one child. I had lots of miscarraiges. I'm lucky now I have 3 , 11 8 and my suprize two yer old. I wanted them so much that everything they do before they are 18 is my priority. I delight in every smile, because I know how lucky I am to see it.

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11/20/09 8:10 P

Tamara - Thank you so much for your post!! Made an old girl's day (and a couple of tears). I know that things aren't perfect and I worry about that, about what more we might have done. It sounds like the roots of what we tried to plant are strong. I'm glad for you and your message! Thank you! Keep the faith!

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11/20/09 12:18 P

To Amethyst re: if the the feminist movement and all the work you did was worth it.

I am 36 year old woman, wife, mother of a infant, and budget analyst. I'm a mountain biker and a sci fi fantasy addict. I am so many things. I was a rebellious teenager, and I had a wonderful 20's as single woman sewing her wild oats, and now I have moved to the next stage of my life of a caregiver. I enjoyed being the maiden, I am enjoying being the mother, and look forward to my life as a crone.

Speaking only for myself, my answer to you is YES and THANK YOU.

Whatever trials I may have in my life they are of MY choosing. Without the feminist movement I may not have had the choice or felt I could make my own choices in life.

There are still obstacles but we as women can now choose are path and climb those obstacles.

We are responsible for choosing the path that will create a life that makes us happy.

Posts: 503
11/9/09 4:07 P

I sometimes regretted not being able to have kids - but to have responsibilty for something so infinitely precious, given my life, would be terrifing to me. I'm not sure I'd have the courage or hope.

I rebelled, too - that's how I ended up as one of the chief mechanics on the commune. I also was very good a cutting rafters and some other stuff. I guess what really crystalized it was when my dad died and my older sister had to drop out of high school to become mother to me, our two younger sisters, and, for a couple of years, our mom. It made decide to learn everything - from how to sew (I still embroider a good luck ladybug on my blouses) and fix things. Overreaction. I was determined never to be helpless (I'm sure you appreciate the naivete of that statement.)

A parable for our day - one place I worked in had two elevators. One came, by count, about twice as often as the other. Even if it was "sick" (clanking and clearly headed for a breakdown). It would work harder 'til it broke and couldn't move. The other one just plodded along, no matter what shape it's partner was in, keeping up the same old pace. They were known as "Mom" and "Dad" (no, I didn't name them - they had those names before I was there and maybe still do). The 'funny' thing was that no one had to have the joke explained to them.

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11/9/09 11:29 A

I didn't know about Sacagawea's nickname. How cool!

Your mentioning your BFF's worrying about what she was teaching her daughter raises so many memories for me! First, I remember telling myself I would not be a doormat like my own mom, but I actually had no idea how to go about not being my mom, so I rebelled in ways that made no sense (I didn't learn how to type so that I wouldn't be stuck as a secretary, but then the world changed, everyone had to know how to use a keyboard, and I had to catch up), and failed to make effective changes in other areas of my life.

And then there was the short story my daughter wrote in school on the value of hard work. In the story, a mother bird made a nest while the father bird pretty much did nothing. The mother bird got tired and slacked off. Her nest fell apart, destroying her eggs, so she lamented not doing a good enough job on the nest. At that point, the father bird steps in to comfort her. I asked her if she had anything in mind when she wrote it, and she said no, but it seemed frighteningly like she had internalized some family dynamics over who gets stressed and why, and who does the comforting (without seeing that getting more involved in tackling the root cause of the stress would be very beneficial!).

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11/6/09 9:04 P

Thanks, Kate.

You're right about enabling. I'm not a great fan of it and it does no more good here than in other things. I also wonder about the message it sends. I have no kids, but a lot of honorary nieces and nephews. I see them watch dad dabbling at helping around the house and the nieces seem to get caught up in making up the difference, just like their moms do. The nephews, well, they tend to come in on the other side. Yet their moms are strong women; often with very responsible jobs! I get so worried for the little ones (my BFF was recently worrying that she has taught her daughter to be a doormat). As my BFF's mom would warn, pendulums swing back and whatever we've earned can go away.

Of course, I'm not a great one to judge, never married and can't have kids. But there have been a couple of times when I've moved into friend's homes to be surrogate mom when my friends were undergoing chemo and couldn't cope. Funny to see the reactions from dad and the kids when the rules changed! The advantage to being Crazy Aunt Jane. (Sorry, I should have introduced myself. That's my real name, though I usually go by Janie - it's what Lewis and Clark called by hero, Sacagawea - though I've also been called Willow and I'm getting to like Amethyst. Wonder what that says about my identity issues? Trust me, I hardly a Jane Bond).


Edited by: AMETHYST_REM at: 11/7/2009 (10:15)

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11/5/09 10:58 A

Amethyst_REM,

Your question was not whiny at all! You are incredibly thoughtful. I love the gas and oil picture of men and women.

And, yes, I think something needs to change for your BFF to get better. In my own life, I have more health issues than my DH, even though, of the two of us, I take slightly better care of myself diet and exercise-wise (I'm far from good, though, which is why I'm here!). Part of the differences in our health is genetic, but part, I'm certain, is because he gets less stressed than I do. Simply put, under normal circumstances in our family, he comes home from work and "helps" around the house a little, while I come home and do the lion's share of the domestic tasks. It took me a long time to wake up and realize that I need to take action in changing things. Sounds like he isn't as bad as your BFF's hubby, though. At any rate, if you really think about it, training our husbands and children to do their fair share of the housework is a way to serve them, as well as a way to take care of our own needs. If we drop dead before them due to stress, they'll have to do it ALL without our help! Seriously, enabling domestic laziness is not a good thing.

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11/5/09 9:22 A

Without my children I would have all day to do what I want, but what would I do. I love the craziness that they bring into my life, organized chaos. It's great and I love it.

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11/5/09 8:40 A

Kate - thank you! I loved your answer. It was better than my whiny question deserved.

Yes, I subscribe to that most radical form of feminism, that women are real people too.

I'm not anti-male, although after learning that DH can mean designated hitter in my life as well as in baseball and having worked in the domestic law part a legal aid office (as a secretary who got to do in-take because the clients - over 99% women - would talk freely with me) it can be hard.

Then I ask myself - how big a hypocrite do I want to be? If I'm a person, can I say they are less than?

My picture of the ideal came to me (no kidding) when I was pulling the radiator on my old Ford wagon (again). My view is that men and women are like the gas and oil in the engine. Both are hydrocarbons and have much in common, but they are different. Both are equally important, but not interchangeable. Kind of like the relationship in Zen between the person and the universe - "not two."

I think that everyone needs to have time to put their own oxygen mask on first, but the need is for balance. Each gets that time and the turn. So many women I know do not get that turn. My BFF has some health problems because of it. Stress and lack of support, like her husband calling her at work to urge her to come home because there is not enough food in the house and dinner needs to be on the table by 6:30. Well, there are two other drivers in the house (husband and teenage son) who could hit the grocery store, but won't. Her issue and she is working on it, it just illustrates that I just think that the nurturer needs to be nurtured from time to time. That way it goes around in a circle and all benefit.

Did you notice that after all these years, I still have a kinda naive side?

I'll get off my soapbox now. Thank for your response and your thoughts. You stated it correctly that this is all just a tool to help us get to happiness; it is not something to make us happy in and of itself.

Peace!

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11/4/09 11:42 A

Did feminism help or hurt, and does it make us happier? IMHO, there is no easy "yes or no" answer.

If feminism is defined as "the radical notion that women are human" (I think Dorothy Sayers said that, but I may be wrong) or as "the belief that women are discriminated against and that such discrimination is wrong" (I'm uncertain of the attribution to this one, too), then I am a feminist. I think this feminism can make a positive difference in the lives of women.

If feminism means that men are evil or stupid or "lesser" than women (this is what some anti-feminists believe is the definition of feminism; I doubt many feminists really believe this, but I confess that I have caught myself telling anti-male jokes, which is wrong), if it means that men and women are exactly alike except in terms of limited physical differences (I stopped believing that long ago), it if means that life is about taking the reigns and putting myself first for a change (more on this in a moment), then I'm not a feminist. Shoving men down doesn't improve anything. Pretending that there are no differences in the way men and women think and behave, or that these differences could be easily corrected by raising boys and girls in a gender-neutral environment, is naive. And, while on one level I do agree on the "put on your own oxygen mask first" principle (if I take better care of myself, I can take better care of others), I think that the me-first attitude -- in men and women -- may be why we are so darned frustrated these days. I no longer believe happiness is something that can be "pursued" -- something you can capture if only you find a way to slate in enough "me" time or put yourself first. I think it is something that comes to you as you learn things like contentment and interdependence -- being there for others, but also asking them to be there for you.

If we think feminism will make us happy, I think we're wrong. Happiness will not come from the freedom pursue various jobs any more than it came from being confined to our homes. Feminism is a tool that can be used rightly, to correct past wrongs against women, or wrongly, in a war against men to see who is "better." (I think my daughter really believes that girls are better than boys, and I'm trying to correct that.) It's good to have more choices, but happiness comes from something deeper.

Posts: 503
11/3/09 10:17 P

I'd like to ge back to that start - did feminism help or hurt women? Happier? No?

I confess to curiosty - I know we're not to where we hoped to be. I shouldn't still be having to yell my mantra that women were not put on the earth to be bonsai. Women shouldn't be paid less for work or left living the Barry Goldwater dream.

Of course, the environment didn't get that much better, there are still dozens of wars, racism flourishes in places. Still, of all the windmills I've tilted at, this was the one dearest to my heart. I'd like to think it was all worth it - the marches, the teargas, the (overnight) jail time.

(It was at least safer than some of the environmental stuff - I recall lieing down in the road in front of the bulldozers (and hoping that the joke "what do you get when you cross a 140 pound woman with a 5 ton bulldozer did not end with the punchline about me being reduced to a two dimensional being).

I'd like to think that the grief was worth it. The harassment from the bosses to stop the guys in purchasing from making crude movements and sounds when one of us "typing wenches" went to get files from their area. Etc., et., etc.

Was it worth it? Did it help?

I guess I'm feeling maudling tonight. Feel free to ignore me; old gal's in a mood. Still, I wish that it made some good ...



Edited by: AMETHYST_REM at: 11/4/2009 (08:29)

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11/3/09 12:17 P

My life is more busy and stressful but i have never been happier. Children really give you more love in life and in the home.

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11/3/09 11:35 A

I really appreciate your candor!!! Not all women want or need children to feel their lives are complete. I have one and can honestly say I am not sure if I will ever have another

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11/3/09 11:32 A

Imijune - What an interesting thought! I too was a very outdoorsy kid. I was always outside playing with the neighborhood kids until it was time for dinner. We also congregated as a family around the TV from 7-9pm.

Now-a-days, kids have videos games, computer games, portable DVD players, on the go game systems and each child has their own TV. There really isn't a lot of family time anymore, much less time spent outside. Where did we deviate? I have thought at times about getting rid of all the technology in my home and forcing one another to spend time sharing our technology. I can only imagine the emotional distress my husband would sustain if I told him he could only watch one or two football games a week!!!

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11/2/09 10:17 P

i must like it better with kids cuz i keep having more of them! even with hindsight, i'd still have children.....if i didn't have them, i'd be spending lots of time just wanting them.....the trick is to let the house go....let the perfection go and just actually enjoy the kids.....i plan on cleaning my house again once they're all grown.....ok, just kidding (kinda!)

Edited by: JDMMJDMM at: 11/2/2009 (22:19)

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11/2/09 8:33 P

While we probably had very different '70s, I think that you are right - for all that was going on, at least there seemed to be safe times and places and breaks from it all. Now "it" all just keeps coming hard and fast. When I left home at 18 (well, almost) it was '64 - I grew up learning to Like Ike and eat my veggies. It was a different country then.

I'm sure the changes have only made it harder in many ways.

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11/2/09 3:45 P

My life is absolutely more stressful with children, but I am still really, really happy to have them.

I think there is a lot more going on in everyone's life these days then there was in the 70's. I mean there is the internet, cable tv, and how intense and crazy the news has gotten. The news alone bumps up anyones stress level by 10, in hopes of getting better ratings. My mom was a mom in the 70's and we spent most of our time outside...or inside reading and coloring. Watching tv at night, things like Muppet Show and family shows. Not so intense, they were made to entertain not to replace our lives with more exciting lives.

I don't know. I think I am more stressed than a mom from the 70's because of all the fast crazy loud stuff that is a consistant thing in life these days. Back then you had to seek out excitement, now days you need to seek out peace.

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11/1/09 11:56 A

I would not want children for anything in the world.

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10/25/09 10:33 P

My life is in ways more stressful with my children but in other ways, it's more relaxing as well. I love movie night with the family where I make pizzas and we sit down in front of the tv and eat our pizza and maybe popcorn and just enjoy each other. I love taking them hiking and riding. On the other hand, I feel like our house is always cluttered with things like the bottles and the sippy cups, the swing and the exersaucer and all the big toys we have. When the youngest (8 months) doesn't sleep, I miss my carefree days of sleeping until **I** wanted to. I miss the freedoms of riding 5 or 6 horses a day. Packing up on a whim for a trail ride or working tirelessly to prep for a show. But I wouldn't trade my little family for anything. I am happy. I am content. I am stressed at times but that "Mommy, I wuff you too!" makes everything worth doing. So, yes, I am happier with my children than without.

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10/24/09 2:55 P

Well said, Mary. We've got a way to go yet. We were looking for balance. I still see too many wonderful women pouring themselves out trying to do it all - giving happily and lovingly but are they getting supported themselves? Who nutures the nurturer? Why do so many of us have trouble getting replenished?

The miracle of loaves and fishes happened only a couple of times in the scriptures, but it seems that a lot of women are called on to give like that ... but who gives to the giver?

I admire women who try - I strongly suspect you are better people than I. I just pray for you. My BFF had a heart issue a short time back - and she's only mid-40s. Stress and exhaustion. A family that can't feed itself when mom is sick; stuff like that. Three drivers in the family, but she has to get the groceries and still be home to get diner on by 6:00.

My 'family' is very non-traditional; some 20 people or so spread around the northwest that I've acreted over the years like coral. I've been deeply involved with some, like being a surrogate mom to a family while the real mom is dealing with chemo. I cherish those moments, but they can be draining. I so admire you moms out there.

Prayers for you.

Edited by: AMETHYST_REM at: 10/24/2009 (14:56)

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10/24/09 1:04 A

Being a mom is the best gift god gives to a woman? is it? I guess it depends on the needs and desires of each woman. Since the day I first held my first child, life has become more stressful and tiring.they give me so much joy and wouldn't imagine my life without them...but my happiness and fulfillment is also derived from my career and what I accomplish on daily basis in the office...I guess the feminist movement opened doors and opportunities for women, it told us that being a wife/mother is not the only thing you can with your life.

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10/23/09 3:38 P

yes, kids are definitely a headache sometimes, but they are the joy that make my heart beat.

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10/22/09 9:49 P

I was raised by woman who wanted to be Mrs. Cleaver, 'til my dad died, then she just wanted to be someone else that didn't hurt. My older sister became mom for a while. They ended up with me!

The care and nurturing of others can be wonderful. I was engaged once, but she died. The idea of my gypsy life is my trade-off; some would say it sounds better in book and tale. I do have a lot of freedom to travel, but I've never had a house or a car newer than seven years old. I've had my lonely times, but a great deal of peace. Different stresses. I've been able to be me, which has freed me to work for others at Habitat and shelters. And, of course, my 'nieces' and 'nephews'! God sends us some very odd families sometimes, odd but wonderful! This cluster of former strangers means so much to me!

Penelope hit the nail on the head - balance. So many friends haven't been able to find it. Some have, God bless them. This is my balance. At the end of the day, I wouldn't trade it.

As the Buddha said - if your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete. Mom deserves nurture and support as much as anyone!

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10/22/09 4:51 P

Undoubtedly my life is more stressful with children but I am a better person for having them. They have taught me patience and "stickto itiveness". It is hard to balance home, work and kids but I wouldn't be happy without kids.

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10/22/09 4:10 P

Wow, I have read some amazing posts here today! I was raised by a single feminist "bra burnin'" mom, and for me the whole Mrs. Cleaver existance was more like a myth than a reality. But then I met my husband, got married, and had children. During the time that my children were very small, I went to college and began my career. Now, I am a full time working mother of 2 (3 if you count my husband) and I am also the go-to gal at home when it comes to meals, cleaning, laundry, errands, etc.

So, is my life more stressful with kids? Of course! The care and nurturing of two human beings is an enormous responsibility, and the pure and unadulterated love I have for them means that I am always going to be thinking of them and working my behind off to make sure that they have everything they need. But would I trade any of it? I'd be lying if I said I never considered what my life would be like if I were a single, childless woman free to travel where I please and with no responsibilities other than to myself, but my family and my children mean the world to me!

I think that for most of us, its important to find a balance between being a mother and caregiver and being a woman. I try t make sure that a couple times a month, the kids go to Grandma's and I have a Girls night out with my friends. Equally important is a regular date night with my hubby. So yes, my life is happier with my kids in it, but only because they ARE in it. If I never had children, I wouldn't have anything to compare it to, and I might feel like having kids would be a hindrance. But now, I feel like if I didn't have my children, I would probably die inside.

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10/21/09 8:40 P

That is a good point. Sometimes I'm the same way... over whelmed. stressed and tired. But then when you are having happy moments with your kids it's all worth it. So you can be happier and un happier at times.

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10/21/09 8:26 P

My life is infinitely better having children.

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10/21/09 8:01 P

Thanks, Tolajaxx. You made my day.

I guess we'll just keep perservering. What was it Helen Reddy sang "but I'm still and embryo with a long long way to go until I make my brother understand? or words very like that"? At my age. I feel a bit old to be embryonic, but I'll just keep trying to learn patience. Peace!

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10/21/09 2:53 P

You are so wise and I love your quote's...they always seem to add meaning to the context of the discussion.

Gypsy life or not...the meaning to all of this does not appear to be lost on you!

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10/21/09 2:14 P

Thanks, Tolajaxx, it means a lot.

The old law of unintended consequences. All we were trying for was to be sure that women were considered people and had the same opportunities for life. The effort went differnt ways. I've known some women to be triumphant - they got the lives they wanted, ones their mothers never dreamed of. Other women got that, but never got free of some of the old stuff, too. I am afraid it might end up shortening my BFF's life! Then there are walking wounded like me. I was never a warrior like some. I just sort of went where I wanted and acted surprised if someone objected.

I think I understand the calling to make sure that others are taken care of first and the cost. There are some magical, caring beings out there that are hemmed in by it. Was my gypsy life the right choice? I don't know. I hope so. It pleases me most days.

I loved your observation that the "statistics are stifling". Amen.

To have two callings - wife/mom and employment outside the home must be so hard to balance - if your spirit is being nourished by only, then it can get very hungry indeed. Still, being crunched under all the weights ...

I was taught a story back in the day - from the philosopher Chuang-tse: A caged bird need only look down to find all the seeds it needs; it need only take a step to get to water. The wild bird must take 10 steps to find a single seed; it must run 100 paces to find water, yet it can also soar up among the trees and the clouds, so it doesn't think itself disadvantaged. I thought that is what we were looking for. I still kind am and trying to help my little 'nieces' and 'nephews' see some of that as well.

Peace, Tolajaxx; may we find our way. To you as well, Ms_Dolly!





Edited by: AMETHYST_REM at: 10/21/2009 (14:16)

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10/21/09 12:32 P

I have 2 stepchildren. I work 60 hours per week, am involved at church 3 nights a week, and then I'm everything to everyone at home. The entire family's needs revolve around me. My husband takes care of the yard and helps with the laundry--everything else including the chilren is considered my responsibilit. I often times feel "overwhelmed" and cheated. I yearn for a child of my own.

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10/21/09 11:38 A

Amethyst_REM - I love your post!!! I think this is what was at the heart of this debate. Has the feminist movement made women more unhappy?

I feel like it is my calling to make sure that every one else is taken care of before I have a right to take care of myself...aagghh...I want to be able to raise a happy, healthy, well mannered child and be in a loving and committed marriage but at what cost does this submit me to?

Not only do women still hold the same role as they did in the home 30 years ago, we are now held to the same standard as men in the workplace. The statistics are stifling. We all know that men are paid .67 cents more an hour then their female counter parts, but did you know that women with children are paid less than those without? Did you know that men with stay at home wives make more on average then men with working wives?

Yes...I love my family...I could not imagine my life without both their smiling face! Although, I know that I cannot derive my happiness alone from my experiences as a mother. I need my job, my volunteer work and my hobbies to keep myself going!

For all of you wonder women out there I giving you my greatest adulation...keep up the good fight...I know it pays off in the end!!!

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10/21/09 7:54 A

I don't know about kids - I can't have them and my lifestyle has put adoption out of reach (money, etc.) I have been entrusted by friends with the on and off care and feeding of a number of 'nieces' and 'nephews' (none of whom suffered a whit by being at the mercy of crazy old Aunt Janie) and I've loved every minute (okay, maybe not the diaper bits).

I was around when feminism was really getting off the ground in the '60s. I'm not sure what happened - the goal was to get people to acknowledge that we are people, too, with dreams and gifts and the right to use them - the pursuit of happiness. Pretty American stuff.

So many women I know ended up living Barry Goldwater's dream "I have always said that I have nothing against a woman doing anything a man can, as long as she gets home in time to cook dinner." I don't know if he was jesting, but that's where many of us seem to have ended up.

I was no bra-burner, but I came out of it liking myself and with the ability to do things I like and need to get by - everything from doing a brake job on an old Buick in the morning and embroidering pretty flowers onto handmade shirts for sale at the market in the afternoon. Some friends had doors opened. For others, opportunity came too late.

I can't figure how people would say we were happier then. It was a hemmed in world with expectations - like women went to college to get their Mrs. instead of a BA. Stress is up sure - but so is everyones and we're still finding our way. I wish I could see how it all comes out.






Edited by: AMETHYST_REM at: 10/21/2009 (07:55)

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10/20/09 10:03 P

I wouldn't trade my daughter for anything in the world. She brings such joy in my life.

I have to say that it is working outside the home while being a mom that kills me. Like a previous poster, I feel I carry more than my fair weight around the house. I know that being an "at home" mom is no picnic in the park, but I feel like life would be much easier if I didn't have to juggle the job with everything else.

Actually, I'm happier now than I used to be, and I think that is largely because I stopped fighting my situation. I wasted so many years feeling angry at God and at what seemed to me like an exclusive "clique" of at-home moms. (Please don't get angry at me if you are an "at-home mom" -- I'm just saying that I felt very left out because of groups like the MOPS group at my church that met during the workday. My two best friends are at-home moms.) If I had worked more at what was within my control rather fighting what was outside my control, I would have been a much happier woman. Things certainly aren't perfect, and I'd still go home in a heartbeat if I could, but I do feel better than I used to.

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10/20/09 8:12 P

When I was younger, I didn't want kids, marriage, or any of that. I just wanted to be a successful business woman.

Took a year off college, got pregnant, had baby, met husband, quit working, had another baby, and now I do lots of volunteer work on top of my family and social life.

I wouldn't change it for ANYTHING. I really feel this is what God wanted for me.

I put my stress into my workouts...It makes me work harder and feel better.

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10/20/09 2:42 P

My kids are my life and they make life worth living. I wouldn't know what my life would be like without them and really don't want to. Although having an 11 year old ADHD son, a 7 yr old ADHD/bipolar stepson and a 4.5 month old daughter CAN get stressful, it doesn't make it any less a miracle to be appreciated.

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10/20/09 1:15 P

First, I don't think the question was a matter of being a stay at home or not. Personally, my life is very busy (mostly because of the children). But at the end of the day I know they grow so fast that I am going to miss the "quiet" of the house. I love my children more than myself. When they hurt, I hurt and when they are happy, I am happy. I have a very strong bond with all three of mine and could not image life without ever having them. This is the good life!

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10/20/09 1:05 P

I can totally relate to you! I have 5 biological children and one step daughter. I work 60 hours per week on night shift and then I'm everything to everyone at home. This entire family revolves around me. My husband was even unemployed for two years and I still did it all because he was "overwhelmed".
My life if definitely more stressful with the kids. Sometimes I think about how things would have been for me if I had just stuck to my older son (previous marriage) and not had any more. Sometime I crave that. But I know that everything happens for a reason and I do love them all very much. That's what keeps me sane.
We can pray for each other. Smile

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10/20/09 12:49 P

My biggest ambition in life was to be a mom. I'm so thankful that God gave me my three children and my wonderful husband.

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10/20/09 11:11 A

I don't believe anything or any one can make us happier. My husband and I are unable to have children due to his leukemia medication, and we cannot afford to adopt. We are grateful for every day that he is alive, but he has already outlived his diagnosis.

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10/20/09 10:54 A

Tamara00 - I think you are right we all need to be a little kinder to ourselves. Parenting is a thankless job but certainly one that enriches and enhances our lives in numerous ways.

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10/20/09 10:11 A

I'm not particularly fond of blanket statements regarding women's position in the world. It makes it sound like we are all alike and all think alike.

I have friends that are stay at home moms that LOVE it and would hate getting back into the work force. They were all professionals with alot of career potential (engineers, accountants, etc.)So it wasn't a matter of leaving a dead end job. I also have friends that work outside the home... some want to be home and some don't. I have one friend who knows that she would go NUTS being at home with the kids all day every day.

I do think we as mom's usually expect to much of ourselves. We try to do everything perfectly and feel like failures if we don't get it all done. Maybe we just have to be a bit easier on ourselves and perhaps lower our expectations. If our child wears wrinkled clothes to school or eats PB&J for dinner once in awhile it's not the end of the world.

Hard work is tiring and sometimes we all just want to quit but that doesn't necessarily mean we are unhappy. Perhaps it is our unreasonable expectations for ourselves that make us unhappy.

Just some stray thoughts.

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10/20/09 8:01 A

they made dads happier too (most of the times!)

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10/20/09 7:59 A

Life is much better with children, I have four myself, and cannot imagine being without them.

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10/20/09 7:06 A

My life is for sure better because of my children.

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10/19/09 8:00 P

My life is definitely enriched and enhanced with my kids in it!

(AND DH's... I just asked him!)

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10/19/09 4:04 P

I don't know if any of you out there saw the today show spot about how women are less happier than they were in the 70's (feminist movement), and this got me thinking. Do you think your life is better because of your children or more stressful due to your children?

I know as a working mom, a do-it-all wife (i.e. cook clean, laundry), and a weekend soccor mom I feel the pressure to sometimes throw in the towel. At the end of the day I am beat and have the whole thing to look forward to tomorrow. How do we slow down and allow ourselves to enjoy the moment and be happy in such a fast paced, high demand world we live in? today.msnbc.msn.com/id/33247001/vp/3338038
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