I've been all over the map with my wife. When I was 25, I decided to start losing weight, and I had some success. My wife? Made it her mission to sabotage me. She hardly ever cooks, and the one meal she made was fried chicken. She badgered me into eating junk and gave me the stink-eye when I ordered anything healthy. She didn't defeat me - a new job, and subsequent loss of that job, did.
Since then, I haven't been able to make it stick. I had some success with Wii Fit - the weight went back on. I got a job with an on-site gym - the weight went back on. I did Weight Watchers twice - the weight went back on and I am heavier than ever.
The jury's out on my wife this time. I think she wants to make better decisions, and I am helping her, but I don't know if she wants to make the tough calls and actually drop the weight with me. But if I can get her to try new things, like contact lenses, seafood, and rescuing kittens, then I think I can get her to make this stick - and help me do the same.
The trick to getting your wife on board is to motivate her. Find the thing she wants the most and link being healthy to achieving that goal. For my wife, it's children - we have none and she wants them. But her parents both died before their time due to poor health. My motivation is to get her healthy so she's around to see them grow up.
259 Days until: Law school graduation
Fitness Minutes: (6,623)
415 7/22/14 6:01 A
Yeah, I hate when my wife just gives up but then gets jealous because I am losing weight. It seems like both her and my daughter are constantly buying and eating stuff they know is tempting to me, and even offering me some. When I don't want it, I or don't want to go out to eat with family or friends to a buffet or something, I am "anti social". LOL!
LOL, "It's not about the nail" is hilarious!!! Thanks so much for posting that link.
We sure do have our different ways communication, and I think it is perfectly OK to get a little frustrated sometimes, even though there is a great love there.
(Here is one for you that I found on the net....author unknown:)
HIS DIARY/HER DIARY, and the Different Way Men and Women Think)
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he didn’t say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said “Nothing”. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me and not to worry about it. One the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say “I love you too”. When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep. I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
no worries NHOYLE, we all need to rant now and again. I feel the same way a lot of the time.
My own rant (since we're doing that) -- I hate when I get the stink-eye when I celebrate my own weight loss or muscle gain. It bothers me when I get the snide "oh, guys look at weights and drop pounds" which I know is a cry for help, but I like to be complimented for my hard work too-- and I busted my ass for those burns. Yeah, I know we're different, but seriously, WTF.
I too love my wife, dearly!
current weight: 182.0
Fitness Minutes: (34,376)
7/15/13 9:57 P
Not sure how I ended up on this thread...but I can relate.
My significant other is the male version of your wife! He tries to make healthy choices but his willpower isn't very good and he spends a lot of time complaining about his weight and needing to do something. We both put on some weight over time but I'm now almost back to where I used to be when we met and he is still struggling. He'll workout and feel really good but then later that day he'll have a chocolate bar and then the complaining begins. I get pretty annoyed with his complaints for two reasons: 1 - we have a full gym in our basement (treadmill was my purchase be he added some weight equipment) and 2 - I do everything to make sure he has healthy meals; I make his lunch everyday and prepare healthy snacks in the fridge that are easy to grab and go. Lately it's a topic that comes up a lot and I try my best to be supportive and give him tips but it's frustrating to see someone who has everything going for them still complain about not being happy about their weight yet still continuing to make bad decisions.
150 to 145: done! 145 to 140: almost! (current: 141) Goal: 135
Sarah- I am aware that in general, people are sensitive(not just females). I take offense that you assume that I do not show compassion and understanding when she does such things. I am quite frustrated, which led to me ranting in an anonymous setting, which will allow me to get those frustrations off of my chest in a productive manner so that I may continue to show compassion and support for her in her time of need. Please do not assume that just because I am a man venting about my significant other's behavior, that I do not listen or show support or do everything I can to help her.
Fitness Minutes: (12,713)
4,110 7/12/13 7:20 A
Lets face it females are sensitive. Saying you don't want to hear her cry or you could almost yell in her face will NOT help anything whether you do anything or not. She needs support from you showing, that you care, are concerned, listening all the way and not judgmental. I am sure she's aware of what she eats and I have been in denial like she may be. Showing more compassion and understanding will you get further than an attitude. You sound frustrated right away to me and she might pick up on that and just not care if you don't try to support her no matter how bad things look. I am not trying to be mean, just be more caring and remember that having patience and trying to be more caring will help more than frustration. In my experience, men can have a hard communicating in an emotional lovey style like women do. If you can show her that you have her best interest at heart and that you will listen, things might go smoother.
When my wife and I got married we were both very active and fit. Since then things have changed for us both. but her complaining helped me since I can't cook and needed food I just kept saying, "maybe you should do something about it" (she did) now I benefit from it. She's about forty pounds down and me about 20 pounds healthier. She was a vegetarian when we met (glad for some changes)
Hoping for Success Without Hard work is Like Trying to Harvest Without Planting. Charles
34 Days until: Garage Games
Fitness Minutes: (12,713)
4,110 7/11/13 12:46 P
I live with one of those. She was always "naturally skinny" (translation, she ate like a bird), but the years and pounds are creeping up. I'm fine with how she is. She always talks about doing something, but it has never once materialized. I've tuned it out as noise at this point. I put the occasional smackdown on when she tries to sell me on the idea that she's eating something healthy just because the label says so. Then I read the nutrition info to explain otherwise. If it's coming out of a wrapper with flashy font extolling the virtues of the product, they're diverting attention.
Thankfully she's under no delusions that this is metabolism/genetic/addiction/disease and that this is all self imposed, otherwise I'd totally lose it. hahaah.
I love my significant other, but honestly sometimes she makes me want to just yell in her face. She constantly complains about her weight, and how her weight makes her look, but I get to see how she eats. That pumpkin pie in our refrigerator didn't eat itself. Boxes of crackers didn't magically empty themselves in a day. Don't cry to me about your metabolism when you won't eat vegetables, or most forms of chicken, or anything else that could possibly be construed as healthy. And your complete refusal to do any significant strength training certainly doesn't help as well.
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