My name is Kari and I really need some advice from men to help me understand. My boyfriend of 3 and a half years broke up with me on Friday. We broke up over an argument-- caused by me. We have been on the rocks for some time. College has been tough on our relationship, but we fought even before college (arguments mainly caused by me). We have broken up before, but love each other more than anything and wanted to make it work so we got back together. He broke up with me two weeks ago over a similar argument, caused by me once again. He says I am controlling and stressful, all of which I know. I have Borderline Personality Disorder which is one of the biggest reasons we are on the rocks (not to mention I have a rough home life, and also lost my grandfather in January which was a huge loss for me)-- and I am trying my best to get better. I went over to his room today to truly apologize for everything I had done (not to pressure him into getting back together), but he wasn't so receptive, and felt very uncomfortable. I went because I needed answers and to relieve the guilt that was eating away at me. I am struggling to feel better and it isn't the greatest because it is finals week at college and I can't even focus. I can't stop thinking about him or missing him. I feel a lot of relief since I went over, as I got the answers I needed. When he broke up with me, he deleted me from Facebook and erased all of our pictures together off of his profile (all things he'd never done on our previous breakups). He also went out with his friends and was tagged in pictures with a girl he had met who kissed him on the cheek. I asked him about it when I saw him today (except for the going out and pictures with the girl part, I didn't really want to know for my own good) and he said that he deleted me from Facebook because he doesn't want contact with me, because I stress him out. He said that he is good at erasing people from his life, and that is what he wants to do. He said we may be able to be friends eventually after he has cooled off, and maybe get back together but can't make any promises. I am still invested in him. We were really serious and I love him very much. What should I do? I realize I need to just basically drop off the face of the earth in his world and work on myself (my disorder included). I know I need to be healthy, happy, independent, and strong again. I just want to know what I should truly do to ever be with him again. I'm refusing to give up-- I'm really stubborn, I love him, and he's who I want to spend my life with. I refuse to give up on him. I know he loves me too, he's just fed up with the b.s. What can I do to set me up to possibly win him back someday? Is that thought unrealistic? I know you are men, so I would like answers on what I should do from your perspectives. Women are often times not too good at understanding what a man truly needs and wants, and I would like to truly understand because I love him and want him to be happy. I asked him honestly if he wanted to break up because he wants to live the single life and pursue other girls but he said that isn't the reason at all-- he just wants to do what he wants, whenever he wants. How can I support him and get him back eventually? How will I be able to show him that I've changed and prove to him things will be better if he doesn't want contact with me? Thank you all for your patience and understanding. I'm sort of a mess right now and really don't know what to do. I'm in the library trying to do my schoolwork but I can't focus or think clearly. I made him a promise that I would never give up on him or us, and whenever he sees the light, he cries and thanks me so much for refusing to give up on what we have.
Edited by: BUGGULA at: 12/4/2012 (17:25)
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