How many times are we supposed to go to the gym, and we find a reason not to?
I've done it. I know I have.
Sometimes I leave the house for work and 'forget' my gym gear.
Sometimes I don't feel well, or my back or knee hurts.
I tell myself that it's ok, that I can make it up another day.
I excuse myself from having to put in the sweat equity that it will take to make the dream of a thinner me a reality.
Ultimately, no-one else cares if I lose weight. It's no skin off their nose if I want to go through life fat and happy. Sure, some loved ones may bring it up every now and then in passing conversation, but only out of a fear that I might keel over and die on them because I am so morbidly obese that it's no longer funny.
Who, pray tell, am I excusing myself to?
As an adult, it's not like I have hall monitors or teachers taking attendance when it's time for phys ed anymore.
There is literally no-one with the power to punish me for not turning up to my midnight workout after 8 hours at my day job.
So why do I feel guilty when I miss?
Because the one I am excusing myself to is ME.
Not the fat ass me that wants to sit on the couch and do nothing - no, he's the one that got us into this mess. No, the one I'm excusing myself to - really, apologizing to - is the one version of myself, hidden deep down inside, who BELIEVES.
Somewhere inside me there is a person - probably a lot better looking, if I'd ever let him out in daylight - who BELIEVES that I can do better. That I SHOULD do better. That I, too, could be reasonably fit and look good naked, instead of having a muffin top that could serve as a promotional billboard for Hostess.
This person has a will of iron, legs and arms like tree trunks, buns of steel, and a philosophy inspired by the story of CT Fletcher. If he can be a professional trainer with a steel valve in his heart, what the heck is wrong with me?
I'm not there yet. I may never be that person. But I'm not going to quit. I have no excuse that the fit person deep inside me is willing to accept.
An dI'm kind of scared of that dude, 'cos he can whup my butt.
"I command you to grow" - CT Fletcher
| current weight: 266.8