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2/6/10 10:41 P

I didn't hyphen mine when we got married I kept my maiden name and added his after it Wolfwalker Cole though for social deals I just use cole, but legel wise I use it all now - and there never will be children so not an issue.

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2/5/10 8:00 A

I don't think there is a need to hyphen, I mean, we'd all have ridiculous long last names if people started doing that long ago. I like my last name better than his, but, I am choosing to marry him because I love him completely. I think taking his name will mean a lot to him, that I love him enough to change my name. It's just a last name, it doesn't define who you are, only who you're attached to. Sharing the same name is very intimate to me, and maybe if I wasn't ready to give up my last name, maybe I wouldn't really be ready for marriage.
I'm not judging anyone else for not changing or hypenating, etc. This is just my personal feeling on it and changing it is right for me.

Edited by: GETTINSEXIBACK at: 2/5/2010 (08:10)

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2/4/10 10:04 A

I will be hyphenating. My fiancee's last name is the most common last name in the US and even he wishes he didn't have it. Also, I have done many things with my last name (I will be 31 when I get married) so he is also in agreement that I need to keep my name somewhere.

When I was a little girl I used to think I would change it but after growing up I realized that things and feelings can change.

We both realize that me not taking his name is in no way any reflection of how much I love him and his family.

Also, the children will have his last name because I want my girl(s) to have the same option to hyphenate.

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2/3/10 7:14 A

my situation is a little weird with pros and cons on each side

He is indian, not only indian but brahmin, (purest cast), not only brahmin but kinda like the britain blue bloods where the history can be traced back to the original purest cast of hindus .... so his children need ot have his last name, it would be insulting to his family ( and indian families think very differently than westerners on how family structure works so it would be more than insulting it would be pretty much blasphemous if he doesn't have children with his last name)

we could probably sneak round this by hyphenating my name and the children's names or even do a combination name (stamani is stanley and ramani combines) if it wasn't for the fact that he is an only child ( which is very rare in most indian families) and his father was the only male born from his grandparents so the rest of the family has married off and lost the ramani side and it's up to him to keep that going!

i'm in a similar situation where as my dad's side of the family, the Stanley's are very proud of our family and our family name but there is so few of us left ( not cause of marriage cause of death so the blood lien itself is dwindling) my aunt and uncle stanley refuse to have children my other uncle is dead my granny is dead and my granddad is almost there ... I have one older brother who probably wont have children and we really hope he doesn't unless he turns his life a complete 360 he's an alcoholic video game addict, overweight socially inept perverted ( literally people have called police cause of things he's done and said) gay male living in the closet with a insane gf whom he hates and hates him ...lives with his dad and not using his college education at age 29 ... so beside my brother ( and my aunt and uncle who refuse to have children) it is up to me to have children and carry on the blood line, my family is fine with my name changing but I am PROUD to be a stanley ( my dad grandad grandma and uncles are all people who i look up to and am proud of who have accomplished something) and i never ant to loose that stanley connection and i want my children to carry on the name !

lastly in my confusing situation my family treats my fiancee more like a loved member of the family than his own mother does ( i met her she is scary had me in TEARS many night in a row during the two week vacation to india to meet them so we can be engaged ) basically she is not happy that shyam is not marrying a brahmin much less at minimum and indian so she wants me out of the family before i'm even in it, so he wants me to keep my stanley name to!

we are thinking hyphenation right but stanley-ramani is a mouth full AND on my mom's side of the family tradition lies in the middle name (changes generation to generation from Christine and Christina if the child is a girl and moorse if it is a boy) so my full signature would be tessa christina stanley-ramani and my children would have the same length of name ...

than we're thinking of combing the name to stamani but that doesn't really suit either of our wishes it's just shorter and sounds cool!!

uggg! what to do what to do !!!!!! seriously any advice necessary it seems like the only considerable option is for my name to be tessa christine stanley-ramani


on a side note my mom remarried and handled it very well her LEGAL last name is stanley-durston and when dealing with schooll stuff for m and my older brother she goes by stanley cause that our last name and for stuff with my half brother she goes by durston since that's his last name, people know her as both from her wedding with my dad and step dad and it worked really well for her ...

Edited by: TESSARIAN at: 2/3/2010 (07:46)

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2/2/10 4:27 P

This has been such an interesting topic to read. Most of my girlfriends have already gotten married, and they are all over the map regarding name changes. One even created a new last name with her husband, and they *both* changed to that. The ones who have experienced the least stress (as far as I can tell) are those who didn't change their name legally, but don't care one bit if someone refers to them as "Mrs. So-and-so." That seems to be ideal all around--professionally and personally there can be continuity, but socially they are flexible and respond to either.

In my case, I am a lazy SOB, and doubt I will change my name. If my bf and I were to get married, taking his last name would mean acquiring a name that means "unintelligent, unhealthy person." I'm not even kidding. Wonderful man, awful last name. Maybe he'd be in the market to change his? ;)

In high school I dated a guy who had immigrated from Russia. At least in his family (don't know if this is the Russian norm), the women kept their own names, and children received a gender-appropriate version of their mother's last name. EX: mom is Koralova, son is Koralov. Interesting that other areas of the world have such different traditions.

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12/8/09 10:52 A

I am going to take his last name, but I will keep my last name in professional circles. I worked very hard to become Dr. Rasmussen and don't want to change that, but at the same time, I am somewhat traditional and want to take his last name. Hyphenating is not an option cuz my last name is way too long. LOL

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12/7/09 4:16 P

I have no idea what im going to use as my surname yet. My kids have my surname and he will be dopting them just before the wedding so we really need to get it sorted out now but i might just double barrell to be honest x

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12/5/09 7:58 P

I LOVE my fiance's last name, and don't particularly like mine, so it's not even a question for me.

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12/4/09 11:46 A

Maybe it's the raging feminist in me, but I am hyphenating. I am the last with my last name out of my dad's family. I have already made a name for myself in politics and my family is pretty entrenched in politics. He's not too pleased about it but he understands it.

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11/29/09 4:26 A

I have never even thought about hyphening. I decided as a little girl I would take his last name and that was it. Still the same now.

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11/27/09 2:40 P

I'll be taking his last name and haven't considered otherwise.

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11/27/09 12:16 P

No hyphen! I'm excited to take his name, plus he sees it as a slap in the face if I didn't cause it's like I'm not fully committed to him (like I'm relunctant to do this whole marriage thing and "leave" my family)

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11/24/09 3:42 P

I currently hyphenate because our buzz board has just his name on it, but once we're married its his name all the way!

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11/24/09 11:26 A

I will NOT be hyphenating my name because our last names rhyme. I'd feel like a Dr. Seuss character! I happily plan to take his name.

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11/23/09 10:07 A

At work I will hypehn my name. For everything else I won't. I hate my last name and would rather not have it.

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11/22/09 12:52 A

I am going to take his name. I never really considered anything else.

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11/18/09 12:51 P

Changing my name to his, as I have no affinity or relationship to my current one.

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11/18/09 11:29 A

I've always liked my last name and even some of my friends/colleagues call me MK so I'm not ready to lose it. However, my man will really be annoyed if I don't change my name so I came up with a compromise... I'm taking my maiden name as my middle name (I never liked my current one) and taking his name as a new last name.

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9/24/09 9:18 P

I have always liked my name but I want the world to know that my fiance and and I have joined our lives as well so I am going with a Hyphen. It helps that both names sound great together, just like us!

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9/24/09 8:06 P

2Unhealthy, I am totally with you on this one. I'm keeping my own name for no particular reason other than that I don't see a reason to change it. My fiancé couldn't care less, like your husband. He even said he would want to take my last name, if he hadn't already started a business and made his existing name into his brand!

Having the same last name is just not important to us. We feel like we'll be just as married and just as much of a family either way. We've loved each other for 9 years with different last names; we can keep on!

That's not to say that anyone else is wrong for wanting to share a last name. It's just not a big deal to us.

Like you, we plan to figure out what to do about future kids' last names when we get there. At this point I'm kind of rooting for them to have mine, because I'd be the one carrying them for 9 months and going through labor!

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9/24/09 11:12 A

Well I'll jump into the fray here. I'm changing . . . mostly because my last name is from my ex-husband. My dearly beloved would have kittens if I told him i wanted to keep my current name. I don't really want my maiden name back either. That is why I didn't change it when we got divorced. And definitely no hyphen, even though a dear friend suggested it in fun. Yoshizawa-Bencivengo is just WAY to much to write. Plus our daughter has his last name so it will be easier once she is in school. However, I am not looking forward to 3 more rounds with social security to get it changed . . .

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9/21/09 4:42 P

I agree with the former post, It doesn't have to do with not loving him, but I'm in design, and if, by chance, I happen to make a name for myself... I want it to be MY name. He can keep his name, and kids will probably have his name, but legally I don't think i'll change mine.

It's a new world ladies and gents, some traditions will be sacrificed

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9/21/09 12:16 P

I have maintained my own last name. There is no particular reason for doing so. I discussed it with my husband prior to marriage and he couldn't care less one way or the other and I thought then why go through the expense of changing all my ID. Everyone who is important in my life knows I'm married and those that don't obviously don't matter. It has nothing to do with me not loving him enough or not wanting to be part of his family it is simply not important. When we have children it will be the time to discuss it again. But we may just give our children my last name as a middle name (my husband doesn't have a middle name they only have one name in his family)

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9/20/09 1:44 P

I am glad people are talking about this. I think if you want to change your name that's fine. If you want to hyphenate that's fine. Drop your middle name and use your madden name as your middle, that's fine. Keep your own last name, that's fine. You should do what works for YOU and your family.

It saddens me to see people being catty about others trying to find what works best for their marriage. Instead of judging others maybe just tell what works for you and why.

on your upcoming vows!

Edited by: JELLAJIGGLES at: 9/20/2009 (13:59)

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9/19/09 1:34 P

I kept my last name and took his. So I have 4 names. A first, 2 middles and a last or one middle and two lasts, but no hyphen.

It works becuase I can use my maiden name or his name as a last name. Socially I strictly have his last, but if I wanted I could use my maiden name as at work.

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9/18/09 2:45 P

I will be hyphenating my last name. I have 3 children from previous who have my last name and I refuse to change my name completely just for the sake of them.

I keep trying to convince Kyle to take my last name lol but he won't. I've told him that he needs to buy me the ring before the end of the year then...we are just teasing and he knows it. I'd never give anyone an ultimatum.

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9/8/09 5:53 P

I will be taking my future husbands last name. I feel kinda sad though because my two daughters (from my previous marriage) has their dad's last name. Oh how I wish I could change it. But that would be wrong! Or would it??

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9/8/09 12:43 P

Some people have said that they don't get why people are "horrified" at hyphenating names.

I don't get why people are "horrified" at simply adopting your husbands name.

The tradition (ooh, evil TRADITION!! Throw them all out on principle alone!) goes back to when a woman would leave her family upon marriage and join his. Extended families stuck together back then, so she'd literally be moving from one into another. And everyone in that family unit had the last name. Tra-da.

Sure, we don't do that anymore. Just like we don't wear slave bracelets which have evolved into wedding rings. Nor do we not see our groom before the vows, or else risk curses and bad luck - yet many still wear veils which were designed for those purposes.

I've been doing a lot of family tree research and tracing names can be a real hassle. I pity the descendant who's line all staunchly chose to hyphenate. Imagine this:
Molly Brown m. William White.
--child: Samantha Brown-White

Suzzy Jones m. Frank Thompson
--child: Robert Jones-Thompson

these kids get married, but want to keep their own identities.
Thus you have Samantha Brown-White-Jones-Thomspon

and you can see where this gets very, very ugly. What was designed for ease of use becomes a mess when you think ahead.

I know a handful of hyphenated girls. They ALL plan on taking their eventual husbands name because they're sick and tired of the hyphen.

Professionally, I totally get it. But the beauty of professional names is that you can still go by your maiden name in your career. There's nothing "legal" about that name. I'm a photographer, clearly my name is important to my brand. (To avoid this hassle, I chose to brand it "Erin Leigh Photography" using my middle name when I started this a few years ago.) But even if I use my last name professionally, that doesn't prevent me from using his legally and socially. Obviously actresses (and most athletes) don't drop the name they established themselves with, but personally many choose to go by the new "married" name.

My only quip is that my new last name is gonna start with a "W." Our kid will always be last in a-b-c order. ;-)



Edited by: EYESLIFTED at: 9/8/2009 (12:44)

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9/2/09 10:37 P

What is the difference when you hyphenate than when you use both maiden name and husband's last name together? Is that what you need to use for your children's name. I thought the children alway get the father's last name.

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9/1/09 11:03 P

I'm also excited about taking my future husbands last name. We already have a son together and he carries his fathers last name. I hate the fact my son and I have different last names. Also I find it romantic..I cant wait to be Mrs. Jackson.

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8/30/09 3:24 P

I am excited about having my husband's last name.

I have a lot of things to change my name on, including my house and car, but to me it is worth it.

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8/29/09 10:48 P

Personally, I hate the idea of a woman changing her name to her husband's after she marries. Even if there were many boys/men in my family, I would not change my name just because I was marrying. I especially don't understand why both men and women tend to be horrified upon hearing of a man taking his wife's name. What's the difference between when a man takes a wife's name and a woman takes a husband's name? Of course, this is merely a matter of opinion.

If I have children, I would hyphenate their names. When I marry, I'm keeping my name. We will still be married, we will still love each other, we will still make a family - why would our marriage be less meaningful just because I kept my name?

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8/29/09 11:45 A

I'm taking my hubby's last name. Call me a Romantic, but I just think that is the proper thing to do. I believe its symbolic along with the 'two become one' thing. I will always be Hall, but once I marry, I'm an Alley! That doesn't stop me from being a Hall one bit.

Call me sexist, but I also believe the man is still the "Head, alpha, leader, call-it-whatever-you-want etc" in relationships, and if its done right, this kind of relationship is the tenderest, most loving, and devoted kind.

I know as a woman, we love to be independent and love thinking, 'well if I wanted to, I could keep my maiden name!'. Even I have those moments! And that is enough for me, know I could keep it if I wanted.

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8/28/09 3:00 P

I had discussed this with my future husband, and he felt that not taking his last name was a bit insulting. Sort of like "well what's the point in getting married." To me, we are starting a new branch on both of our family's tree's and I will happily take his last name because, it is that, just a name. And for the record, I am losing an awesome last name, to take one that I can barely spell let alone prenounce!!

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8/28/09 3:00 P

I had discussed this with my future husband, and he felt that not taking his last name was a bit insulting. Sort of like "well what's the point in getting married." To me, we are starting a new branch on both of our family's tree's and I will happily take his last name because, it is that, just a name. And for the record, I am losing an awesome last name, to take one that I can barely spell let alone prenounce!!

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8/26/09 5:35 P

I'm keeping my last name, no hyphen. Why? It's a matter of equality to me. I have an identity, just like he does. I would be ok with trading last names though, or coming up with an entirely new, different last name.
Taking a new last name isn't a holy act, it's a civil act. God doesn't care what name you write on your marriage license, only that you treat your marriage as a sacred union.
As far as kids, I say boys get dads name, girls get moms name. That way no ones name necessarily gets 'lost' because of some archaic tradition. My family name has a history and a past that I want my children and grandchildren and so on to be connected to forever.

Edited by: AOGOAE at: 8/26/2009 (17:45)

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8/25/09 9:47 P

As you leave your father house and move to the covering of your husband, taking his name is a holy act.

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8/25/09 7:00 P

I'm on the fence. I love my last name, but i feel i could learn to love his! I just don't know what I want to do yet!

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8/19/09 10:52 A

Well I will be happy to lose my last name.

I will still be me, even with a different last name. Especially since I have one of the most common last names out there.

If I did have an unusual last name, I would still change it.


Edited by: MANDIETERRIER1 at: 8/19/2009 (10:53)

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8/11/09 2:57 P

I am looking forward to taking my future husband's last name. My identify and who I am is not wrapped up in what my last name is. I am a sucessful businesswoman and I have no fear that my clients will be happy with me and my work regardless of my last name. Getting married to me is ending one chapter and starting a new one. The new chapter even comes with a whole new title.

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8/10/09 6:54 P

This was one of the hardest decisions I made with my wedding. My maiden name was unique, whereas my husband's is a very common one. I didn't want to lose something so unique. My husband was okay with whatever decision I made, but he did make it clear that he wanted our children to have his last name. I know that there are many families where the mother doesn't have the same last name as the children, but I didn't want that for myself. In the end, I made the sacrifice and took my husband's last name. At first it was really awkward and made me uncomfortable, but it's been almost two years and I rarely think about it any more. In the end, you do need to be happy with your decision, so don't let anyone else tell you what to do, and don't make the decision rashly. You have to live with the decision. If you are too emotional (due to the stress of wedding planning), wait before making a final decision. You don't need to change your name right away.

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8/10/09 3:36 P

My fiancé and I have discussed both hyphenating our last names. We are both marrying into each other's families so I feel like we should both use both names to symbolize that. We have talked about how hard it would be for our children when they get married. Will they then have 3 last names, 4 last names? What about after that? Where does it stop? So we are toying with the idea of "smooshing" our names and making one out of both of them. He likes Leeshinbaur (Lee and Foshinbaur)...I like Foshinlee...they are both nonsensical, but really Foshinbaur is pretty nonsensical if you've never heard it before

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8/6/09 11:59 A

I have no issue dropping my last name. My father wasn't exactly the best person in the world and has never ever been present in our lives. So, I'll be dropping that last name.

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5/12/09 3:21 P

Well its dun, i've kept my maiden name, plus added his on to mine without the hyphonation - now just to wait the year and change that it will take to go though for the government side of things .. lol

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5/8/09 8:20 A

I agree with Snarkykitten and I see no reasonable justification or benefit in changing my name. It is my name and I am used to it, might as well stick with the one I have now for convenience.

It is just a name so makes little difference to me either way. It certainly isn't my "identity" or anything of that sort. It's a bunch of letters.

If he thinks we should have the same name for whatever reason he is welcome to adopt mine but I highly doubt he would care one bit about such a thing. It never even came up. Honestly, I would find it unreasonable and quite sexist if a man thought I ought to change my name to his.

Personally, I would try to avoid hyphenation, it leads to overly long names. I have met some very funny products of cross-generation hyphenation...




Edited by: TIPMAR at: 5/8/2009 (08:25)

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5/6/09 6:02 P

I have thought long and hard about what I am going to do with my name. First off with hyphenating, my maiden name is nine letters long and putting a second seven letter last name after that is to much. Second, I am not going to force my children to live with a long name like that just because I don't want to give up my "identity". Third the symbolism behind the last name change is long gone, I am not being traded off for property or goods so I am not phased by it.

It comes down to how traditional you are and if you feel like you are becoming a piece of property by taking his name. Personally I would combine our two names into a new last name but there's no real way of dong that without it sounding really weird.

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5/6/09 10:56 A

I am sooo glad that this topic is here, because this is definitely something that I have put a lot of time and thought into, and I really wanted others opinions.
My struggle is more of a personal one... not really professional, because i'm just starting my career and not too "out there" yet... so that would be easy to change.
Personally, i think it is that little feminist in me that says that I don't want to give up my identity. I totally understand the fact that you are in fact giving up yourself as an independent as you are not a part of a whole, but doesn't the hyphenated name truly represent that... that you are part of a pair.
For me, its that I have accomplished a lot in my life so far, received many awards, many certificates, diplomas, etc... and I've proudly accepted each of them as MY NAME!!! its just who I am. So, while I know that internally I can't be changed by a label, I feel very attached to my name, as it is the one thing that I want to take with me, into my new married life.
Until reading this message board, I had kinda assumed that the only way to do this was to hyphenate or keep my name. I was definitely leaning towards the hyphenating, as I did want our union to be recognized in my name as well.... but I now am VERY intrigued by the concept of keeping my maiden name as a middle name, or having two last names without a hyphen.
I thank you all so much for your feedback and I really appreciate the honestly that you all express yourself with!
Best of luck to all of you with wedding plans and in your marriage!!

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4/20/09 11:42 A

No hyphen for me.

But I kept my maiden as my middle name and then took on his last name.

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4/17/09 10:54 A

My family is well known in our community and I like having the last name and I'd like to hyphenate but my fiance is not ok with it. He wants me to just take his name.

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4/13/09 1:19 A

I use to think that hyphenation was the way to go, but now I am starting to think just of just adding his name at the end of mine (two last names so to speak with out the hyphenation going on)

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Posts: 58
4/12/09 3:22 A

hyphen alll the way.... a hyphenated name is sooo chic! Most people have the conflict because they want to keep their last name... I had the conflict becuase i wanted a new one! I know women like to keep their last name for independance... and their family name and all that, but i figure independance goes out the window when committing to share a life with someone and im starting a new family... Why not have both bride AND groom hypen...to symboloze both coming to together.. and starting something totally new!

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