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Patty Klaver's Mom's Story



 
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PATTYKLAVER
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7/31/14 7:39 A

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I talked with her for a minute last night. I was tired and aggravated with myself, but she thought I was depressed.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/30/14 9:50 A

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Mom, Barb, Sharon, Cheryl, Shannon and I went to dinner then back to Sharon's to celebrate Sharon's birthday last night. We had a good time. I just wish I had brought the camcorder.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/29/14 9:09 A

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We tried a couple times to talk but Mom kept getting company.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/28/14 10:31 A

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I only saw Mom for a couple minutes. She went to church and lunch with Barb, came home to get her money and then went to the casino.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/27/14 4:27 P

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Mom called a couple times yesterday to say she needed money. The first time she left a message. I talked to her the second time. She said that she needed money in case her and Barb wanted to go to dinner. (So that answered my question as to why she was asking about money!) I mentioned that I knew she had money in her wallet - she knew exactly how much she had there. She was a little confused as to when she'd get her SS check. She really didn't realize how much she had gone through this month. She mentioned paying the lawn cutting and lawn fertilizing guys. I will have to check with her more because I know I sent them checks.

I got there today with some money and she wasn't there. Her morning pills were sitting on the table with a note to take them. But she always tells us that she can take them on her own. Soon, she and Barb turned up. Barb quickly went to smoke something while Mom got her money together. It was good to know that she only took half of what she asked me for.

Barb complained about the siding that came off the house. She kept asking if someone was going to call the insurance company. She didn't understand that estimates have to be gotten, It depends on how much it costs whether or not a claim should be filed. So she wants me or Kayla to call and get estimates. We're not doing anything,...

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/26/14 4:03 A

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Mom knew that I was coming to take her to get her blood drawn, but couldn't remember if someone called her about it or not. She wanted to go to lunch but didn't remember the name of the restaurant.

When we got back to the house, I tried to spend time with her talking and going through pictures. She was intent on calling Kathy and making arrangements to go to the casino.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/25/14 8:32 A

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I haven't felt like I have spent much time with Mom lately and she seems disappointed when I can't stay longer.

Harry called me about 6 last night wondering where Mom was. Sometimes I know, sometimes I don't. I knew she had spent time with Sharon on Tuesday and went to the casino with Barb on Wednesday. He worried that he had to go to bed before he could give Mom her pills. He called right back saying that when he called her, she went to the door. ???

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/24/14 7:46 A

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Mom went to the casino with Barb again yesterday. I found out that they had tried the day before but couldn't get on the bus. Sharon has been taking Mom out more. All good. I had been doing so much for so long that it seems strange. I had such grand intentions of spending more time with her and just haven't done it yet.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/23/14 9:22 A

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She was out and about yesterday and will go to the casino today. emoticon

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/22/14 7:14 A

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I had stopped at the Dollar Tree yesterday and walked into some really colorful 4 x 6 frames. I bought 4. I put to two poses of Helena in them and gave two to Mom. She loved them! I knew this baby would keep her going for awhile and am so glad she did. I am so glad I got the camcorder. It did me so good to get on it mom meeting Helena and laughing and laughing. I don't remember hearing her laugh so much. And I will have it forever to look at it when I can.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/21/14 8:53 P

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Sherry said that she thought Mom was doing better. I stopped by with milk after babysitting and she said she had trouble with the TV. I plugged it in and got it on. Not sure what she did.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/20/14 1:03 P

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I stopped by for a minute about 7:30 last night. It took her forever to get to the door. Harry and I always tell her to not lock the screen, but she does anyway. She has been having bowel movements a lot. I made her let me look at it one day. It wasn't diarrhea or soft, but I am still concerned.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/19/14 8:23 A

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At least with the girls gone, I will be able to spend more time with Mom.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/18/14 4:21 P

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She's been doing pretty good. Keep my fingers crossed.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/17/14 8:03 A

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Mom told Sherry that she hasn't seen too much of me lately when she was over there yesterday. I know that when Sherry leaves, I will be spending more time over there.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/16/14 10:26 A

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I will be going over this morning and Sherry and Helena will be meeting us there after the doctor appointment. So...she will have a good afternoon.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/15/14 10:52 A

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Mom was good yesterday, although she said her nose was a little runny. As I was leaving, I mentioned that I should make an appointment to get our nails done. She said that she has an appointment today with Barb and Sharon. I am glad that she is getting out of the house.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/14/14 9:32 A

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Mom called last night and left me the sweetest message. She said that she is here to help me. I saved it just to have it. I will check on her again today and see if her spirits are any better.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/13/14 3:52 P

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Mom called this morning wanting to know if I wanted to go to the casino. She was really disappointed when I told her I couldn't. She commented about people taking things without her consideration. She said that she just sits and doesn't do anything but wait for someone to walk by to talk to. I felt so bad. I did tell her that when Sherry leaves I will spend more time with her, but I just can't right now. I have to be with the baby - I don't know when I will see her again.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/12/14 10:17 A

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Mom called me about 10 last night. We talked and she didn't remember going to the casino with Barb on Wednesday. She asked for her checkbook for the 2nd time in a week. We had talked the last time and we agreed that it was easier for me to keep it to pay bills and for her to use her charge cards. She had forgotten that, too. She said she wanted it back in case she wanted to go shopping. The only way she would go shopping is for someone to take her. I still suspect that Barb had been saying something to her about it. Harry and I talked about it a little yesterday. We both have a gut feeling that Barb is making sure she gets her "inheritance".


God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/11/14 7:27 P

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I had talked to Mom yesterday about coming over today with the baby. When I tried to call her, I didn't get an answer. Barb had taken her to the casino again. Barb had commented on me buying the car because it was that much less for her inheritance. Harry and I suspect that Barb is taking mom just to get her "inheritance."

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/10/14 8:52 A

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I called about noon and Mom said that she and Barb were going to try to go to the casino. Again, Barb did not inform anyone. She didn't worry about the medicine. I am glad that she is doing things with Mom. Mom needs to get out of the house and do things. But sometimes I still can't help but wonder what the ulterior motive is.

Mom was excited about going. I asked if she had taken her pills. She couldn't remember. I've shown her how to read the log many times. She couldn't remember. But at least she was going back and reading things. So she at least knows where she can find some information.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/9/14 12:58 A

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When I talked to her, she told me that Sandy brought her food and so did Betty. She sounded tired. Her mouth is still sore. I wonder if that's where I caught this.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/8/14 8:25 A

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She was outside waiting when I got there for her doctor appointment. But I don't think she ate much all day. Her memory of what she does and eats is declining again.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/7/14 10:42 A

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Mom called last night to double check on the doctor appointment. So...right now I have to treat Saturday night as a one time thing. It still has me stressed.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/6/14 12:53 P

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We were going to bring the baby over today. Mom had diarrhea last night a few times. She said she had coffee and toast and hasn't had it today. I'm still frantic and upset. Sherry is afraid she will never see the baby. Please....

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/5/14 9:19 A

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I went to Mom's early because she said that she and Barb were going to the casino. I wanted to make sure that she got her medicine. Cheryl had the same thought. Barb decided that she had laundry to do, so she was coming over to hang out the laundry.

Later in the afternoon, Mom called and left a message that she was mad. She didn't want me taking things without letting her know. And what happened to the things that were in the green garbage can in the fruit cellar and the things that were in the dresser behind the furnace? Mom doesn't go downstairs.

I called her back. I ask if she remembered when Cheryl put up the curtains in the kitchen. She didn't remember that and the 3 of us going through the container and putting the curtains upstairs in a drawer with all the other curtains. She didn't remember me going through her clothes and taking out and putting things in the dresser. She didn't remember agreeing to let me buy it so Sherry could have a dresser for the baby.

I was washing the rags when I did laundry and putting them on the stairs with the others and the Pledge. When I went over the other day, I noticed that there weren't very many. I just figured Mom had moved them to wherever she wanted them. She though I threw them away.

Later on, I called Mom back. I thought about the rags and wondered if I had put some under the sink in the bathroom. She said "Oh don't worry about it. You know how your sister is. I don't like sibling rivalry." It's not about sibling rivalry. Barb goes over and goes through stuff and questions mom on where things went and tells her that I shouldn't be taking things. Then Mom gets upset and questions herself.

I ask Mom if I have ever taken something or thrown it away without talking to her. She says no. But Barb just loves to stir the pot. It's vindictive, unfair, and unnecessary.


God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/4/14 10:04 A

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I was over there for about an hour yesterday and she seemed fine. She remembered that Kayla came over and gave her the pills. After I left, she called me. She thought that they had made plans to go to the casino and that they forgot to get her. She was aggravated. I talked to her later and she said that her and Barb were going today. I am headed over there soon to make sure she has her medicine and breakfast.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/3/14 8:04 A

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She's been in good spirits lately and doing things. I think her eating may be off a little. Sometimes, when I clean the bathroom, I wonder if she sometimes has loose bowels. She always insists she doesn't if I ask. I know she doesn't want to go back to the hospital.

The quick loss of her short-term memory still rattles me. She doesn't realize it, of course. But everyone else does.

I must take time to go and start getting her final wishes ready. I want to get things paid for and lined up. I don't want to have to do all that when absolutely necessary. Especially the way the family has been lately, I just don't want the added burden.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/2/14 8:56 A

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I saw Mom for maybe 5 minutes on my way to the hospital. Betty and Paul pulled up the same time I did and surprised her. Then it was Sharon's turn to question where she was. So...who do they ask? Me! I would love to have it where we are all on the same page, and where we all pull together. The notebook was a way that I thought it could happen. Although it has improved things, there is quite a bit of room for improvement. A weekly update phone call to everyone might be in order.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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7/1/14 8:53 A

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When I got to Mom's yesterday, there were pills through Thursday. She hadn't taken the morning pills. She wasn't home. I called Harry and asked about the pills and where she was. He said there was a note from Cheryl that said that Sandy would give her the pills and he didn't know where Mom was. He then called Sandy to find out that Sandy would come over on Wednesday and that Barb took Mom to the casino.

So...Harry was mad that Barb took Mom out without letting anyone know but Sandy. Sandy was mad because Mom didn't get the pills. Harry left a nasty note for Barb that I promptly threw out. Sandy wants to hire someone to give Mom her pills. It's no big deal for Barb to take Mom somewhere. I'm glad she does. But that's two days almost in a row that they went out and some of us didn't know. I got to hear all about it both days. Sandy wants to hire someone to give Mom her pills. We would have to pay for two hours to have someone do that.

It would be nice if Barb would give her the pills. It would be nice if someone at Harry's house would come down and give Mom her pills in the morning. There's three of them. Pick one. Life would be so much easier if Harry, Barb, Sandy and Shannon would communicate instead of just getting mad at each other.

I will be over this morning to give Mom her pills. I will continue to go in the morning and do so. I left a note in the notebook. Suggestion: if someone takes Mom out (whether planned or unplanned) it would be a good idea to write it down in the notebook. I can't count on anyone to give her the morning pills. So I will do it.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/30/14 9:45 A

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Sandy told Harry that there were no pills. Have 2 check it out. Mom's happy that the baby is named after her.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/29/14 12:41 P

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Mom got outside to Kayla's party and her friend Delores came. It did me good to see that.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/28/14 10:17 A

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Shannon called mom yesterday at noon and mom told her that she would be home. So, when Shannon got there, she was quite upset to find that mom was at the casino. I don't know why mom told her that she'd be home. She certainly remembered the night before that she was going to the casino.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/27/14 8:15 A

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When i went over there about 7;15 to do her medicines, mom said she was having a bad day. She was trying to get her purse ready for going to the casino today. i'm not sure why she just didn't leave it the way it was the other day. So, it took me awhile to find everything. She was trying to add numbers up and was just way off. She couldn't figure out what she did.

i mentioned to her that i take after her. After a certain time of day, my brain just shuts off. Hers certainly did.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/25/14 8:24 A

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I spent over two hours at the VA office again yesterday. There was another paper for my mom to sign. So, I took it over. Now she says that she wants to stay in the house another year, as opposed to just staying through the summer. She wondered if she could afford it and if there would be any money left for us kids. I reminded her that I wasn't looking for any money from her. I'd rather she'd be somewhere where I knew she was okay and someone was giving her the medicine every day, doing her laundry, cleaning her place, etc. I mentioned that she was a bit lonely last winter (when she was feeling okay). She was worried that she didn't know anybody. When we went for the tour, there were plenty of people gathered here and there talking. I don't see where mom would be lonely long.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/24/14 9:18 A

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Mom was in a different sort of mood yesterday - kinda forgetful, kinda not, kinda sassy. When I left, she walked me out and it was raining. When Sandy got there, she was out in the rain with a shovel digging up the dirt. When I returned, she was telling me that the plants needed to be watered. She thought Sharon still had her phone and it was in her closet where she always kept it. But...I couldn't get it turned on.


God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/23/14 8:40 A

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Barb was over again yesterday, sitting on the patio getting some sun. I started taking the garbage out and she said that it was about time someone else took it out. I answered that I had been doing it for at least 4 months, but had missed last week because Sherry and I were in the hospital. She commented again a little while later.

Barb has been over a bit lately. She has a habit of saying things to Mom that gets to her and makes her uncomfortable, upset, and questioning things.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/22/14 8:19 A

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I got to mom's just as Barb did yesterday. Barb was hanging her clothes on the line. At least this time, she washed them at home instead of using Mom's washer, water and detergent. She sat on the patio talking to Mom as I got the pills ready, took out the garbage, washed the dishes, cleaned out the refrigerator, and vacuumed. It made me feel like Mary and Martha - me being Martha. I want to sit and talk to Mom. I will gladly do anything to make it easier for Mom. I just don't understand why a sibling would continually sit there knowing that there is housework to do, watching someone else doing it and not even asking if she could help.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/21/14 9:24 A

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Only got to see mom for a minute. I will check on her more today.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/20/14 7:55 A

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I was going to go see her, but I found out that Sher was going to have surgery. She sounded good, though.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/19/14 7:55 A

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I only got to talk to her for a few minutes yesterday. She seemed good. I have to laugh at Harry. Every time he's not sure if someone came over to check on her, he calls me. He lives two doors down, all he would have to do is walk down or call. I had to call Mom who said that Lisa and Meg were there and then call him back to tell him.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/18/14 5:28 A

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Mom did really good yesterday until we were to leave to tour the assisted living place. Sharon had called to remind her that she needed to be ready. I was so busy that I was about 5 minutes late getting to her house. She had gotten her key out and that was it. When we first got to the place, she asked where we were. She didn't remember that we were going to look at it. She asked right away about her friend moving in. Afterwards, we went to get something to eat. I think maybe she was on information and emotional overload because she just didn't know what to think. Sharon and I were telling her that we would still be able to get her where she wanted to go. Barb was telling her that she didn't think she could walk anywhere or do anything. How do I get her to understand and be comfortable with change?

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/17/14 2:49 P

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Mom's working in the yard a lot, which is good. We worked on the backyard this morning and got three large bags of weeds. It's starting to look good.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/16/14 8:33 A

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I actually didn't talk to her yesterday - the first in a long time.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/15/14 2:46 P

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Mom was a bit on the defensive yesterday. I'm not sure, but I got the impression that my sister was over there saying things she shouldn't have. Then mom starts thinking about things, and says stuff to the rest of us. Shannon was over this morning saying the same thing about Mom.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/14/14 8:02 A

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Mom definitely feels better. Her appetite this week has been excellent. I can't remember when the last time was that she ate so much. Her spirits are better and she's doing things around the house. She is going back to the casino tomorrow. Her memory is better than it was a month or so ago. I still see where it's not what it used to be, but it's better.

The first I really noticed the memory problem was last July. We went to the attorney's office because she wanted to update her will and give me power of attorney. We got to the office and she asked me why we were there. It's hard to see someone going through that.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/13/14 7:59 A

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I stopped by to give Mom her morning pills. There was 1.5 in there. Harry had been by; not sure what happened that he missed those.

I could tell Mom was tired. She was aggravated when I got there. She couldn't find her scrub brush. She wanted to scrub the carpeting going downstairs. I know the brush was down by the washer - it was old, but that was the only one I found. I don't think I threw it away. She complained that people shouldn't throw things out without asking her.

There were many things that I threw away, especially when she was in the hospital. So many things were falling apart. I did replace what she needed and I told her that I did that. Some things she remembers, some things she doesn't. Sometimes she will remember something months later. She had called me last Sunday about getting a notice that Kayla's insurance not being paid. I found the bill in with the already paid bills in the folder. Reminder to self: go through papers more.


God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/12/14 7:42 A

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Mom, Barb, Sharon, Lisa, Taylor and I went to the casino yesterday. When we walked in, I spotted a wheelchair. I grabbed it for her even though she said she'd be okay. I was glad I grabbed it. She was tired at the end anyway. She had fun, she ate good, but I don't think she'll be going again. She forgot to remind me to bring my Rewards Card and her vouchers. She seemed to be betting a lot faster than normal. Sharon was concerned that she spent a lot of money; I think she spent about what she normally spends. But I will check today to see how much money she has in the house.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/11/14 8:34 A

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Yesterday, I dropped Sherry off at her doctor appointment, picked up Mom and took her to the credit union. When we got out, I texted Sherry and she told me she was ready. So we went to pick her up. When Sherry got into the car, she told us that the doctor guessed that she would have Z by the weekend. Mom and I were both extactic! We stopped at the little coney restaurant at 10 and Kelly. Mom ate a cup of soup, a whole coney dog and some of Sherry's fries. I haven't seen her eat so much IN ONE Day let alone ONE SITTING since maybe last October. It did me good. We dropped her off at home and Sharon was there to take her to get a manicure and a pedicure.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/10/14 8:06 A

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Sherry and I visited her yesterday. She seemed to be having a good day. I went to the store to get her some milk and a brush. She didn't tell me until I got back that she wanted a soft, flat brush. So I will be back there again today. She wants me to take her to the credit union so she can get money out for the casino. She doesn't realize at all how much money she did have in the house when she was in the hospital. I didn't want all that there when there was a chance that people could have been watching the house. People can be doing that now - figuring that an old lady lives there and that she would be an easy mark.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/9/14 8:25 A

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Mom called and left a message while I was in church saying that she was out of her cumidin and needed me to call the doctor to get more. When I got there after church, she seemed deep in thought and awfully quiet. I asked if she went to church and she said that Barb had called to say that she was going by her house because of the rain and to just stay home. I don't know if that threw her off or what.



God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/8/14 6:42 A

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Mom called me about a statement she got regarding not paying Kayla's insurance premium. She was right-on on remembering it. But I did not ever remember her saying that she had it or how she paid it. She gave me the information and I got online. She had paid it for 6 months in October - before I started writing her bills. It was due May 15. I had a choice to pay it for a whole year so that's what I did. Global Life sends so much junk mail that I think I just assumed that's what it was and never even opened it up.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/7/14 9:14 A

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I was on the phone with HAP for 48 minutes yesterday trying to get the PCP straightened out. Both of us were getting frustrated. Obviously, people at HAP dropped the ball. They didn't log in that I and the doctor's office called. And, the computer system has a flaw in it. After trying for 40 minutes, the system accepted the change in PCP. It frustrated the worker to no end. She said that she wondered how many other people this happened to.

The aggravating part is that there are quite a few claims for Dr. Barnett. I had to call Mom and tell her to not worry about any bills she gets from HAP, a doctor, or a hospital. As it was, she was a little ticked about a bill she got. It was about right - but she thought the point of having insurance was for them to pay everything. I don't think she realizes that she was sick for so long that the bills really racked up. HAP certainly paid for more than she had to.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/6/14 2:46 P

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Mom was supposed to have a doctor appointment this morning. When I got there, she was ready and looked nice. I called the office and confirmed the appointment. We got there and was told that HAP didn't switch primary care doctors yet and he couldn't see her. I have to call and raise a stink.

So, we went to Kmart. She started off thinking she would get clothes. We ended up with flowers and tomato plants. The rest of the morning was spent outside working on them.

She seems more like my mom now. She's planning a Windsor trip for next Wednesday.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/5/14 9:21 A

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On Tuesday, I was busy all day. I went to the Credit Union once and it was closed for lunch. After my appointment with Sharon, I swung back by and ran the money to Mom. Barb was still there. Barb went upstairs and I quickly put Mom's money away. I had to hurry to leave to get ready for Kayla's graduation. Mom called yesterday morning thinking I was mad at her because I left quickly. I'm sorry she thought that. What she picked up on unconsciously was that Barb and I weren't talking to each other. Barb talks (or yells) at me and I refuse to let her do it anymore. So, I don't say anything at all to her. It makes it hard for mom, but it's a survival thing on my part.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/4/14 2:01 A

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She was busy cleaning her closet when I got there yesterday. I was glad she had just started. I pulled the clothes out, immediately hung up the good clothes back in the closet. The ones with stains, I throw them in the hallway. When mom wasn't paying attention, I put them in a bad and told her I would take them home and work on them. I immediately too them to the curb for the garbage .

Today, she was working on turning over her dirt and getting rid of the weeds. Barb sat and watched her sweat. I did a little in between meetings. Sharon and I had a meeting with the VA. Mom can very possibly get an additional $1,130.00 every month. This would pay most of an assisted living place. We have some investigation to do and we'll meet back with him in 2 weeks.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/3/14 10:01 A

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Mom's definitely getting better. She's getting out every day. She talks of going to the casino and shopping. She says now that she wants to stay in the house over the summer. I just wish I had more time for her.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/2/14 4:20 A

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I was glad that I got to Mom's as she was doing her closet. It didn't sound like it yesterday, but I am. I feel that Mom really enjoys spending time with people. Not that many people come to spend time with her. She's feeling better and is wanting to do more. Everyone needs people around them.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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6/1/14 4:32 P

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Harry called me all panicked because Barb took mom to church and to lunch without giving her the pills again this week. I told him to just do it like last week - he was still upset about it. I went to go set the pills out for mom and she was home with her head in the closet, trying to get it organized. Got a load of wash done, the garbage set out, the birds fed and the plants watered in an hour and a half. Some clothes were very stained. She wanted to soak them to try to get the stains out. I told her I would work on them and promptly took them out with the trash. It's sometimes hard to do it that way, but she tends to be a pack rat like my grandma. She doesn't need as many clothes as she has.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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5/31/14 7:56 A

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I feel bad that I didn't spend more time at mom's this week. She's lonely and it seems that every time I go over there, I'm in a hurry or busy cleaning for her. I had grand intentions of playing games with her, but that hasn't happened lately. Gotta change that.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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5/30/14 8:57 P

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She's tired today and cold. But she's been moving around.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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5/29/14 10:33 A

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She did good yesterday. I found out that we misunderstood the doctor somehow about what pills to take. I am not sure what happened because I know I wrote everything down. I'm concerned that she lost 11 pounds since the 12th, but I also know that she went back on the water pills.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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5/28/14 3:27 A

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Monday, Mom had Cheryl help by putting up white curtains in the kitchen. When I got there, there was a bag of curtains on the washer that came out of the fruit cellar. When I got there yesterday, I went downstairs and brought the curtains upstairs and put them with others in the built-in drawers. Mom wanted to know what was in the closet at the top of the stairs while I was up there.

I didn't get too much accomplished up there. But I did manage to get three large grocery bags of garbage between the drawers, the closet and the cedar chest. When I went to take the garbage outside, I found that Mom had started to use the electric hedge cutters on one of the bushes. She managed to cut the cord in half. Tim has to take a look at it now, but at least it was a way to make sure she didn't over-do it. As it was, she was sweating like crazy. I grabbed a pair of scissors to finish up the job and got a bit of weeds pulled from the back yard before it started raining.

Sherry commented about the stuff that I threw away or brought home. She wondered if the siblings would be upset if they knew how much I got rid of. I'm sure Barb will be: everything I've done in the past two years has tied her in knots. Some weeks, I took out 5 or 6 large garbage bags for the garbage men to take plus the big container of recycles. Some of the bags I took home to put in the bins at the condos just because I knew that she would say something.

I know that the other siblings aren't over there helping me. Mom can't do it and she tends to be a saver and think that she might use some of the things for something. For example, I gave Cheryl a few towels that were so worn that they had holes in them. It's not like they could be used day to day other than for cleaning rags.

It's a little easier to get rid of things when Mom isn't right there and seeing what I am throwing away. Growing up as poor as she was, she has the mind-set that things may be used for another purpose. I've barely put a dent in the house. There was a bag of garbage behind the bar that who knows how long it was down there. The fruit cellar had plastic containers with no lids or lids with no containers. Some of the bakeware was bent. The garage had paint supplies that had been used once and lots of items that were rusted beyond use.

I've been working on cleaning up the place since Mom started misplacing the checkbook. It started with out-dated paperwork and went from there. It makes me realize that I need to go through stuff here. I just don't have the time.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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5/27/14 12:36 A

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She was up and dressed nice when I went over there. She had eaten some ribs and potatoes and finished them before I left. She just looks so skinny and so frail to me. She's got deep wrinkles and she never had them. Last July, the forgetfulness was just starting. Then it got so bad so fast. It seems a little better, but she does have fits and starts. I need to talk to Funeral Homes and the priest, but haven't really put all her wishes together. Even though we talked, I know there are a lot of things that aren't in order. It's best I get done what I can now. Barb is of no help now. She'll be of even less help then, especially knowing she will be grieving and mad at me and out for blood. It amazes me that she could have changed into this person. She really hates me and makes no bones about it. It gets worse when I stand up for myself. I tried to talk to her; to figure out if it was something I did or said. It took awhile to realize that it's her - not me. Tim thinks that someone can talk to her and things will get better. I know that she isn't going to listen to anyone right now. She hasn't hit bottom, has no reason to change. She's burning bridges behind her right and left. She's going to finally want some help and I can't give it to her. There's too much deep hurt.

Sharon's so busy with Gary. It's his way or the highway and she's caught in the middle. She's given up so much of herself and she's just now realizing some of it. At this point, how can she get it back? We used to talk more, to do things together more. Now, it's few and far between. I think she's kinda withdrawn from a few of her friends because of Gary. I love him. but he's smothering her.

Harry has my back and knows I have his. He doesn't usually know what to do in situations and calls me as his sounding board. My parents always had the "he's the only son" attitude. It didn't help that he's left handed and it's hard to teach someone when you are right handed. I taught him to bat. He bats right.

He's another project that I have to help tackle. If Sherry does go to Nova Scotia for a couple months, I have to use that time to get Mom weeded out and start on his house. I really need to get out those toys that I know they have in their basement and their garage. If I could get mom's stuff and his stuff together at the same time, I could have a garage sale and they could both come out with some money. I can do this! It will keep me from going crazy when the baby's not here.


God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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5/26/14 5:11 A

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I called Mom while I was at the beach. She sounded terrible. Her side was hurting her again. Barb was with her and Sandy had called. I asked if she had the ice pack on it. She hadn't thought about that. I will have to go over early and check on her.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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5/25/14 8:51 A

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I didn't talk to her yesterday - bad

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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5/24/14 8:58 A

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I was at Mom's early. We went to get her bloodwork drawn, then she wanted to go to Big Lots. We came back for about 45 minutes and then went back for her echo cardiogram. She had to be in an uncomfortable position and that made her legs and back hurt. The technician said that there is a little fluid around her heart. She wasn't really concerned about it, especially when I mentioned that she just started back on her water pill.

Harry called me last night. I guess the morning did Mom in; she told him she didn't feel very good. I was glad that she had the desire to get out, though. Sherry was a little disappointed that she got out when she didn't come to the shower, but...there's nothing I can do to change that.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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5/23/14 7:30 A

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Mom changed her sheets. She went to wash them and couldn't remember where I had put the laundry detergent. She got it all hung outside.

It's was Barb's day yesterday - one that she volunteered for. She didn't come. She said something about having to find something to wear to Brooke's graduation (May 29). Same old same old...an excuse that makes no sense. Mom said she ate spaghetti for dinner. I know that I had thrown out the spaghetti that was in the refrigerator. There was some in the freezer, but I don't know for sure.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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5/22/14 10:06 A

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Mom was up, dressed, with bed made and breakfast eaten when I got there. She came outside for awhile. I still feel like the wind is out of her sails, though.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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5/21/14 8:22 A

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Mom has been concentrating on her pills a lot lately. She thought on Sunday that she would have to make a doctor appointment to get the pills refilled. She wanted me to explain exactly what she took yesterday morning. After dinner, she called and asked where her pills were. She wanted to take them and go to bed. She called Harry 4 times asking him to come down to give them to her. Cheryl, went down and Sharon had indeed given them to her. She got herself worked up and her chest was tense. She didn't seem to understand what I was telling her that she had indeed taken them. I will check on her this morning.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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5/20/14 9:15 A

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Don't know how I missed writing yesterday. Sunday seemed to be a good day. She made it to church for the second week in a row. She looks forward to Cheryl and Barb coming over on Sunday nights to watch movies. She asks me to come, but I know if I did, Barb wouldn't. And I want the two of them to spend time together.

I tried to get over there yesterday but time got away from me. I called and she sounded okay. She couldn't remember what she ate but said it was good. I asked if she ate the spaghetti that Shannon had left and she said she had some earlier in the day.

I still have trouble believing that she has gone downhill so fast. Last July, I noticed that the memory was slipping, but she still for the most part seemed sharp. She was still going to the grocery store with me. She was moving better. She was doing things with her friends.

After September, the bottom fell out. That was the first time that she and Barb had it out about something. She still believes that Barb took money from her. I suspect that she put it in the checking account. She knows that Barb would come over and help herself to toilet paper, etc. Barb would take her to the store and carry the bags in the house. Mom would say that she knew she bought something. Barb would say that the cashier must have forgotten to put it in the cart. We all know that the set-up in stores is such that the customer is responsible for putting the bags in the cart.

And then there was the long-distance phone card that mom was paying for that Barb was using to make her phone calls. Mom asked to see Barb's card. Barb said if mom saw it, she wouldn't be able to make phone calls. I called Barb and asked her how she made long distance phone calls. She rattled off the same phone number and account number that mom used. When we had a family meeting, Barb sat next to me and swore that she didn't use it. When I said that I was confused because I knew they both used the same numbers, she finally admitted that she used it. Mom had given her those numbers years ago when she had knee surgery. She wanted Uncle Frank to know that everything was okay.

Barb then yelled at me for going behind her back and taking mom to the lawyer. She said I put myself as the executor of the will. I explained to her that what I did at the lawyer was sit there while mom put the house in all our names.

My relationship with Barb went downhill from there. She started expecting me to do everything for her and mom. She yelled and screamed at me when I didn't do what she wanted or thought I should do.

Barb is the main problem with mom. But no one can get through to her.



God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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5/18/14 3:44 P

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Sherry, Joe and I stopped yesterday morning. Mom remembered that Sherry and Joe were going to bring a chair over and put it in the basement. Then she asked me if I saw her flowers in the front. Yea - I bought and planted them. Harry brought over some church envelopes. She called later on and couldn't remember where they were.

When I went over today, I opened the top drawer of the stand that my Grandpa made and the envelopes were in there. She had two bowls of soup while I was there, which was really good. Her spirits are better. Sometimes the memory is there, most often it's not.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
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5/17/14 7:47 A

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Sherry and I stopped over about 4:30. I went to the bank for mom and planted her flowers. Shannon stopped by with enough spaghetti to feed an army. Mom didn't eat all that much. She was in good spirits. Sherry did notice that she seemed to forget her name a couple times. It bothered Sherry. The "bills to be paid" envelope was on the kitchen table. It was fairly thick. I tried to see at least every couple days if there were any bills. When I got home and started to go through them, some of the papers were papers that had been in the folder for awhile and didn't need to be paid. The one bill was due the 15th. I paid another one. One is a bill that we shouldn't have gotten and I will have to call on it on Monday.


God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
PATTYKLAVER's Photo Posts: 116,217
5/16/14 7:32 A

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Sandy called Mom yesterday morning. Mom was crying. She couldn't find her purse and Barb will not pick up the phone when she calls or call her back. It's breaking Mom's heart and making her more stressed and forgetful. I feel the necessity to write a letter to Barbara. Heaven knows she won't talk to me or Harry. But somehow, someone has to get through to that fog of a brain that she's hurting Mom and making her worse. Every time she comes over or doesn't answer her phone, my Mom gets upset and therefore, worse.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
PATTYKLAVER's Photo Posts: 116,217
5/15/14 9:07 A

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Sharon didn't like the idea of hiding the pills. She doesn't know how hard it can be to get there twice a day and make sure she gets them. Trying to take them back and forth can be a problem if we are busy. Everyone has an opinion of how to do things but they don;t always pitch in.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
PATTYKLAVER's Photo Posts: 116,217
5/14/14 9:01 A

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I went over yesterday and cleaned a little. We worked in the yard for a few minutes. I think she over-did it. She was sitting in a chair bending over and her back ended up hurting. She laid down on the couch with the ice pack while I went to the store for her. When I came back, she was up and about again and making something to eat.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
PATTYKLAVER's Photo Posts: 116,217
5/13/14 5:56 A

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I spent the afternoon with Mom at the heart doctor. She wanted to go to lunch afterwards and I jumped at the chance to have her eat. She did get a little confused about her medications; she thought she was out of some and was unsure of the ones I picked up. But her medications have changed so much in the last 5 months that I get confused.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
PATTYKLAVER's Photo Posts: 116,217
5/12/14 8:40 A

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It seems that she had a good day yesterday. She went to church and to lunch. Lots of company was there for her. She looked better last night, where a few weeks ago at that time of night she would look a bit glazed and tired.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
PATTYKLAVER's Photo Posts: 116,217
5/11/14 1:46 P

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She got outside yesterday by herself. I am hopeful but still am holding my breath.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER
PATTYKLAVER's Photo Posts: 116,217
5/10/14 9:40 A

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I was there for a few minutes yesterday. She seems to continue improving. I hold my breath, though. It's happened a few times before and then she has a bad set back.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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