Today im starting this community journal.... Out of the Darkness
I am working toward a life filled with light and energy... leaving behind all the things that have kept me trapped in the darkness
*childhood sexual abuse
*emotionally abusive marriage
*physically abusive marriage
*Sever Social Anxiety
*Negative self talk
My goals are to become more SOCIAL even if it means to be more out going online and participate in discussions and forums ..... its a start. Currently I dont have any real life support so it makes all my efforts a real struggle.... but im not letting that stop me!
Become more ACTIVE..... depression has chained me down in the darkness.... well its not going to any longer! Ive started out small..... every night i exercise minimum of 30 minutes walking outside. I know i need to increase this to meet my goals but for now its what i can do and im not quitting....Ive been doing this for 3 weeks now EVERY NIGHT which is a huge accomplishment for me because i normally dont stick with anything and i let depression suck me in and i just give up. So YEAH to me..... ugh another area im working on is switching negative thoughts to positive ones so being proud of myself is difficult sometimes but im going to do it!
Improve my EATING HABITS...... this is i think the most difficult one :( My Eating Disorder has a very strong grip on my life because its who i am on the inside.... im working hard to heal this part of me but its a battle. I have restrict my intake to dangerous levels and my lab work shows it in a critial way. Im sure this is a big part of why my metabolism is trashed and im stuck at being over wt. I havnt weighed myself in a few weeks because im trying to beat my scale and numbers obsession (I have a habit of checking the scale 20 times a day!) But ive been bouncing back and forth on the scale from 160 to 180 for the last year....my goal is 125 but im scared to death that when i reach this goal my eating disorder voice will just tell me 125 is not good enough either.
So this has been a pretty long first post but its been a long road to where im at today so actually this is the short version. I really need to find someone that finds some of these struggles common to mine and that i can communicate with like a wt loss buddy to encourage and share the journey with
Working hard towards Eating Disorder Recovery!
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