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My continuing struggle!



 
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JIBBIE49
JIBBIE49's Photo Posts: 55,238
8/10/13 4:08 A

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Listen to the lectures of Richard Bernstein M.D. who wrote "The Diabetes Solution" and you can understand why being obese is not healthy for any of us. I got the book at the library.)
I'm sorry you have struggled with an Eating Disorder, but if you listen to the BBC documentary on YouTube "The Men Who Made Us Fat" you learn how and why we have an obesity epidemic.
Dr. Bernstein says that ALL obese people are Insulin Resistant and if given time, will develope Type 2 diabetes and then all of the complications that it brings (heart disease, nerve damage, kidney damage, etc.) I recommend reading his book to understand why staying obese is not okay.
He has had Type 1 diabetes since he was 12 and he is a healthy 78 now. He believes that obese people benefit from taking Metformin in order to lose weight. He has a Chapter in his book on PCOS which many young obese women have.



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ADAPTINGANNIE
ADAPTINGANNIE's Photo SparkPoints: (44,989)
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7/21/13 8:47 A

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I applaud your courage in posting your "ramble" (your word/not mine). Your thoughts were honest unvarnished emotion. Brave lady. Good job avoiding ED.
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NEEKIEDEE
SparkPoints: (609)
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7/20/13 4:53 P

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When did BBW become a bad word and strike fear in the hearts of the huddled masses?

I know it is my choice to write in my profiles that I am a BBW, but why do I feel that it is an obligation to do so. Nothing like setting myself up for a fall. I have done a great deal of work on myself and my self-esteem in the last couple of years and I am finally becoming the true me.

Are there people out there that can truly see beneath the surface and recognize a person for who they really are? Or am I just treading water until I sail over the edge of the falls.

I shake my head many a day just wondering WHY???

Why does size matter? Hell in the same breath why does race, religion, height, eye colour matter?? Who is it that wrote the rule book on what normal is... i'd really like to have a few minutes of their time in a dark back alley.

I lived the first 33 years of my life trying to hide myself, being non-descript and just trying to blend into the background. God forbid someone notice me because that means I could be seen, my wall of invisibility had crumbled and I was vulnerable to the taunts and torment.
I had convinced myself that those people were right, I was a waste of skin, and it was all my fault that I was the way I was. There were many times when I felt like my name had changed from Dee to Orca, cow, whale or wide load. Those were the names that I heard constantly and I believed them.

I never thought I would be grateful to hear that I had a medical problem. After 17 years of downward spiralling self destruction I found someone that believed I was more than just an overweight shell of a person. I had an eating disorder.

Those were the hardest words to hear but in the same breath they were the best words to hear. There was something wrong and there were people out there to help me. I wasn't alone!!

My eating disorder had many stages over its destructive lifespan. Being a closet eater, to being a binge eater and then finally blossoming into bulimia. With each progressive stage I grew weaker mentally and physically. "ED" as I affectionately call my eating disorder had me so wrapped around his little finger. Had me convinced that I was worthless and that he would take care of me... drag me into his dark world and wallow in self-loathing. It was comfortable, safe and He made me feel I was in control. He was sadly mistaken...

2 years ago was the beginning of the end of my relationship with ED. I broke free from ED long enough to let the words "You are ok and need help" seep into my mind. I relinquished His control and left Him on the doorstep as I walked into my treatment program.
Throughout my 2 month program I would often peek out the window to see if He was still on the doorstep... and low and behold he was, always lurking. And yes there were times I opened the door a crack to visit him but came to my senses and slammed it shut before he could get his foot in there. After my time in treatment was over I was able to walk out that door and sidestep ED as I passed Him on the doorstep.

I will never deny the fact that ED will be a part of my life forever and there are times in the past 2 years where I have let Him in for a visit. But He is no longer my friend or confidant. I do look over my shoulder from time to time to see how far away He is... but i have an incredible support circle of family and friends who are there to redirect my view to the future and not the past.
I am human and I am not immune to the occasional stumble, those little setbacks are what keep me on the right track to living me life without ED

To those of you who have taken the time to read this I thank you for your time and patience in allowing me to just ramble. And if there any of you that ever need someone to talk to or a shoulder to lean on. I have 2 perfectly good ears and shoulder that are always available.
Many heartfelt thanks to those who support me... I love you all dearly!!
Words to live by....

"I am naturally beautiful when I am myself."
"I am meant to be very different from everyone else. This releases the burden of feeling like I have to be someone other than me."
" I am not perfect, but I am perfectly me."




 
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