Annoying "out-of-concern" comments from relatives?

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10/23/12 11:43 A

Wow, sounds totally annoying. I guess people just have this CONFIDENCE about themselves when they start making comments about our bodies. I mean I wouldn't have the confidence to be so nosy and rude and disrespectful. We are not little kids, and being treated so really can be so annoying. I guess this is what we have to bear as our cross until we get older, and seeing at how things are going, the next generation is not going to give a crap about what we have to say either.
If I looked sick, with bones sticking out, not enough energy to smile and move around and take care of so many things, then I can see why someone would be concerned. But if I am healthy, feel radiant and happy and smiling, then the "out-of concern" comments just make it obvious that the people are just trying to drag me/you down, either consciously or unconsciously.

Butterflybeauty - I think your situation seems to show that you saying anything doesn't really have any effect for some reason. So, maybe ignoring the comments and switching the subject after "whatever" or "i don't want to talk about this anymore", or coming up with some funny comeback or joking - I don't have any ideas myself yet. Obviously, some people just need to be shown that it is not their place to be that way - in many ways I think those comments can feel like harassment or even bullying (yes extreme, but somehow in my heart rings a little true).


Edited by: STACY31119 at: 10/23/2012 (11:53)

current weight: 128.0

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10/23/12 11:30 A

Odielluv - Yeah, I hear what you say. It is like you don't want all the attention from others, but at the same time you do because sticking to your plan is done for you, but also probably for the image that others see you as. Maybe its just more about not being afraid of how great you really can be, and not being afraid of others seeing you that way. Maybe you are afraid of the responsibility because others will see you in a new light.

Edited by: STACY31119 at: 10/23/2012 (11:54)

current weight: 128.0

153 146.25 139.5 132.75

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10/23/12 11:27 A

Thank you for such a wonderful reply, Cabit1977 I really don't want to ruin my relationship with my mother-in-law, especially since we recently started bonding more. So, I will be wise, and probably just write her an e-mail about my concern that she is so concerned. I am just that kind of person that if something is bothering me, I can't let it not bother me unless I talk it out. Thank you for giving me a new prespective that she really might be saying those things out of love. Good luck!

Edited by: STACY31119 at: 10/23/2012 (11:49)

current weight: 128.0

153 146.25 139.5 132.75

126

Posts: 24
10/22/12 9:00 P

I think the same way and was wondering if it was me, i always look for self sabatoge support but seems no one runs into it? i will be doing well and sticking to my plan and looking and feeling better. However as soon as someone mentions it I immediately slack off and I do not understand why. It definitely feels like deep inside maybe I feel that I am not good enough to derserve a compliment?!?! I would really like to understand this better because that is my biggest obstacle..letting myself take care of myself

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10/21/12 3:04 P

I run into this all the time with acquaintances and especially with my mom too. My morbidly obese, diabetic, smoker mother. I am 5'7" and would like to get to about 130 (currently 138) . And every single time I go home my mom starts in on me about how I better not lose anymore. Hello?! My whole life (I'm 32 now) I was super thin. Up until I was 26 I was was always under 135lbs. It should be no surprise to her that that's MY NORMAL build. Yet I still get the comments. My dad will even ask me about my weight every now and then.

I have always gotten the comments from people about how skinny I am, questions about what I am eating or mostly what I am choosing not to eat. It drives me fricken bonkers! It's no one else's business! It's beyond rude. My ex-mother-in-law accused me for 11 years of being anorexic. Yet, her son telling her that I most certainly wasn't was never good enough. Heck even at my bridal shower she cornered my best friend and grilled her about my weight.

I too find myself eating (and putting on weight) just to shut everyone else up. I get so tired of having to defend myself. What I am doing isn't unhealthy by any means, I do cardio 4-5 times a week for no more than 40 mins at a time and I lift less than 2 hours a week. I consume 1600-1700 calories a day (and only that low because at the moment I am trying to lose a little). This isn't unhealthy or unreasonable. But it makes everyone else uncomfortable because then they have to face their own unhealthy lifestyle which I am sure is an unpleasant experience especially for someone who is overweight. And that is what I just keep reminding myself of. The problem is within them, not me.

I get what you're saying. But I think that so long as you are truly not compromising your health by over exercising and cutting your calories too low (never less than 1300) then I believe you are doing great in building a healthy lifestyle and you should keep up the good work! Make sure your weight loss goals are reasonable. Not everyone is built to be a runway model. And remember, that once you reach your goal weight/size that you need to up those calories to make up for the ones that you are burning through exercise so you don't prove your mother-in-law right and end up looking sickly thin.

Best of luck to you.

Edited by: BUTTERFLIBEAUTY at: 10/21/2012 (15:06)

Posts: 72
10/16/12 10:52 A

What can I say... Wow. What I have discovered about previous generations is that they are different from our generation. My mother had an issue very similar with her own mother, based on jelousy. I think when I was a teen my mother carried over the same drama. Now, I really don't care what my mother or mother in law, who is a personal trainer.... says to me. There are times when they say things that are inappropriate for the moment or can be taken out of context even by the receiver. It is easy to assume what your mom and law says is being said out of spite. But remember she is different then you, she thinks differently, reacts differently to situations. And in all fairness she may be really concerned about your health. Seeing a drastic change in a person you love could raise a concern for anyone. Don't fret. If you are healthy and happy, that is all the people that love you really want for you. So be strong, and realize that the only one who can sabatoge you is yourself. Your doing great and it may just take a few years for others to get used to the idea that you are skinny.... Good luck!

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10/16/12 1:30 A

Hi,

I am finally so happy about my body. But, I am starting to want to sabotage my fabulous results due to comments that make me feel uncomfortable. My mother-in-law was so loud in-front of everyone when she was giving me a lecture about how I look like a "model" and how "skinny" I am, and how concerned she is about me losing "more weight". Everytime she sees me, she says "I hope you haven't lost anymore weight - you look beautiful - but I'm just worried - I thought you were the perfect weight before - you're so skinny! Don't lose anymore weight!"

My other mother-in-law called me a "b..." as a "joke" after I accidentally spilled the beans about my latest efforts to lose weight and my success...

So, I'm a believer in energy, and I am sensitive to the energy people send my way - I feel like their energy is pretty negative even though I know the "concerned" mom is likely truly concened, but also she is very fit and watches what she eats and work-out regularly, so I don't get why she doesn't see that I am healthy. I sent her my information and my BMI, which is healthy, and she still comments. I am aiming at maintaining by eating 1,750 cals a day if I do no workouts.

I am 5'8, at 132 pounds (going up now as a result of self-sabotage). I don't know why, but I feel like layers fat protect me from the negative energies of people. An unreasonable side of me thinks that there are dark motives behind my "concerned" mother in laws comments,Why can't I just let myself be attractive? I feel guilty for feeling attractive - how messed up it that? Its time to get down to exploring these messy feelings and I'm so grateful you guys can help. Thanks :)

Edited by: STACY31119 at: 10/16/2012 (17:47)

current weight: 128.0

153 146.25 139.5 132.75

126