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CHIGGERCANE
CHIGGERCANE's Photo SparkPoints: (1,786)
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7/24/13 8:31 P

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Husband did make it home for the weekend. Took off again this morning. Had alot of work to do while he was here, but we did play at the lake Monday. Discussed the work load we have and how it needs to change - that we cannot continue like this. We will see what happens when he gets back to the job sites. I just know that I cannot continue working under this stress level and at this work pace anymore.

I did manage to rejoin the gym again. Got a 2-fer deal for me and my 13 yr old. We are still waiting on the personal training session - mostly for my son - for some reason he won't listen to me about working out....




CHIGGERCANE
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7/16/13 5:07 P

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6 weeks later - I log on and actually had to search to find my journal. Not a good sign. Life has been too, too busy....where have I heard that before???

But - I am GRATEFUL for the life I have. So many people are truly suffering, have big issues, health concerns, etc. Thank your for the issues I have and open my eyes to what I should be doing.

Speaking of what I should be doing....exercise (not so much), eating healthily (on and off), water (not so much), good attitude (on and off), having fun with my children (not enough). It's time to browse through the clean eating books, recipes, magazines - and truly refocus. Went to the farmer's market this am and picked up some beautiful tomatoes and cucumbers. Already have some fresh mozarella - and fresh basil - just ready to make a tasty salad for tonight. Need to do some food prep - and some soul searching.

Am truly hoping my husband makes it home this weekend. He's been out of town since mid-April. I think he's spent 5 nights at home since mid April. Been a very stressful time at work and home. BUT - I am grateful we have the work - i think.



CHIGGERCANE
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6/1/13 1:22 P

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June 1. May was altogether too busy at work and I let ME slide. I'm afraid the rest of this year is going to be the same - and I will hit the big 50 at about where I am now. which, honestly, is not THAT bad - but not where I want to be.

SO - HOW do I get back to healthy living? How do I break out of this rut and make time for me? When I barely have time to get work done and spend a little time with my 13 YO? OK, OK - excuses, pitty me, blah blah. Not what I mean to say - it's reality. I know everyone on here has the same issues.

Concerted effort to plan meals, prep ahead of time. eat fruit, veggies, lean protein, and DRINK WATER - and EXERCISE. It's all so simple - and yet so hard. LOL.

Life IS simple - we just make it hard.

It's a new month. I have been walking quite a bit - and will keep that up this summer. We'll see about trying to run/jog. The broken, big toe has been fairly swollen again - ice and alleve is needed. I think I need to make a big check-off calendar. Exercise, water, stretch, ice, Anti-inflam - everyday....without fail - and then I won't fail.



CHIGGERCANE
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5/5/13 10:12 P

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Sitting here working - trying to get a jump start on Monday so I can find (make) the time to exercise tomorrow am. It has rained consistently all weekend. I am hoping it will be dry enough for me to hit the mountain after school dropoff.

Had a mirror encounter this weekend that has scarred me. When did I get these legs and butt??? The last 4-5 months of sitting LONG hours at my desk and not exercising, grabbing food when I can and not prepping or planning has really taken a toll on me. Plus age, I'm afraid.

OK - getting depressing again. I CAN make some improvements. I don't have to like where I am to have a positive attitude. I know I won't get where I want to be with a pessimistic, depressed outlook. I need the right mental frame - some hope, prayers, and some backbone. I CAN do this, I WILL do this.



CHIGGERCANE
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4/27/13 6:18 P

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I guess I am a repeat journaler...I say the same things over and over and over and over...it's beyond time to DO.

WATER
Exercise in some fashion - even just 10 mins a day - everyday
no fast food
attitude



CHIGGERCANE
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4/23/13 5:04 P

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April is blazing by - wish the weight was going as quickly. I have run a few times this month. It feels great - I am slow, and not going any great distance - but I am doing it. I just need to add frequency.

Friday, I am planning on meeting my old walking partner at the mtn. we will see if that actually happens. work has been derailing me this entire month.

8 months left to the birthday. So far, I have not made any progress toward my goal weight. Time to get serious...really serious....I mean REALLY serious.

And it is beyond time to get serious about food. My dad had 2 stents put in his arteries today - 1 95% blocked, 1 99% blocked. My future staring right at me. Will I open my eyes, open my mind - and learn?



CHIGGERCANE
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4/2/13 9:04 A

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April 2. Hit the mtn as soon as dropped off son at school. Forgot my music which ALMOST derailed me. It was actually kind of nice to walk and then jog without music. I prefer the music, but every once in a while it's nice to enjoy...gasp...nature. I was mentally blaming my son for 'helping' me by cleaning out my car and bringing the nano inside (like his father who likes to cleanout my car...) - but as I look to the side of my desk - look what I see. I guess I brought it in to charge it up...hard when your memory starts going. At least I didn't verbalize my suspicions. LOL

1 day of no fast food April down. 29 to go.

Food yesterday was ok. Not great. not quite on plan - but better than it has been.

Water was horrible. THAT is my goal today. Exercise done. Time to get dogs going and then to work for me.





CHIGGERCANE
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4/1/13 9:18 A

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April 1 149.5 lbs

It is what it is. Easter with family was eye opening. Negative motivation, I guess in a way. A vision of the slippery slope I am balancing on and where my journey could end if I don't refocus and recommit. And a depressing vision of life for my sister and mother. BUT - what I want for myself is not what they what for themselves. You cannot change someone else's lifestyle. If they want help - they can ask But until they ask or comment - leave it alone. Hard. But reality.

My reality - I must be committed. I must want this. I must make the time and effort. I have done this before. I have always been a relatively healthy eater. Somewhere along the way, I just started enjoying too much food. And skimping on the exercise. OK - let's be honest - totally skipping the exercise. I go through phases. Oh - how I wish I could be disciplined enough to work out again first thing EVERY morning. Work has become too demanding for that. Uh...excuses????? Sorry.

Decide what you want.. Determine what you are willing to give up for it (or not). Get going.

April WILL be a wonderful month.



CHIGGERCANE
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3/31/13 7:06 P

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Managed the mtn again Friday. Top of the mtn walk up and jog down. It felt really good to get to the top. I don't remember the last time I was up there. Jogging down was harder on my knees than I remembered. So I think until I get 5 pounds off, I will not jog down.

April 1 tomorrow. Do I make the SAME goal for April that I have made (and failed to keep) for the last 15 months - that of NO FAST FOOD WHATSOEVER??? YES - I do. But with one very important difference - this time I will succeed.

I wonder - do I make goals I really don't intend to keep so I can feel better about myself? Cause it really only makes me feel worse when I don't make this goal.
I WILL NOT visit chick fil a for breakfast, lunch or dinner. I WILL NOT stop at a fast food restaurant for ANY food item for me the entire month of April.

Other goals for this month:
Increase water
2 fruit a day
4 veggies a day minimum
mtn twice a week
elliptical 2 times a week

it's a start.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 3/31/2013 (19:12)


CHIGGERCANE
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3/18/13 6:54 P

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I actually jogged today. YEA!!!! I went back to my old haunt (the MTN), briskly walked up the 1st 1/3 mile to the crosswalk - all the while debating in my head..."to the top and run down?? OR through the woods to the path and run back???" Each has its own appeal and would be an accomplishment - run down can be hard on the knees so...made my decision and headed into the woods and the to the path. Stopped at the big rock, stretched out my hamstrings and feet - waited for the song - and took off. And I did it. No stopping, no arguing, no wheezing. I even got a breeze on the face visit from Sandra. Made me smile. I only jogged about a mile - walked another mile - but it was a start. And the feet and hip didn't argue with me. Good sign. I'll stretch again, ice and take an anti-inflam tonight just to be on the safe side.

I CAN do this. My mind now realizes that it is not hard. I don't have to run long distances to get some positive results. I started years ago with 2 mile jogs - it's a nice,short, easily managed little run. I like that.

Good day. Thank YOU!



CHIGGERCANE
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3/14/13 1:52 P

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Half way into the month. This year is passing much too quickly.

Water, clean eating, exercise in some manner - still the goals for the rest of the month. War weather is heading this way soon and my legs are in no way ready to be seen in skirts/skorts.



CHIGGERCANE
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3/1/13 7:43 A

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A new month. A chance to start all over...AGAIN.

Weighed today. Not a pretty sight but it is what it is.

The plan: Water. No fast food. No soda. Exercise in some form 5 out of 7 days. Elliptical, mountain walk, weights at home, jogging outside. and stretching.

Yes - I am going to start jogging/walking *what was it some one called it...wogging?). It is time to adapt to my aging body and instead of saying I can't do this anymore, saying this is my new normal and I can do it.

It is also time to get back to clean eating, I have strayed from the path of clean eating far too often.




CHIGGERCANE
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2/25/13 8:10 P

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Almost end of February. 10 months left to lose 20 lbs. 10 months to reconnect with my fit self. 10 months to become me again.

I guess it's time to get serious...this time for real...really...I mean it this time.

Drop the sugar. Drop the soda. Drop the fried foods. Drop the fast food.

Drop the negativity. Be upbeat. Be optimistic. Be proactive instead of reactive.

Got it.





CHIGGERCANE
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2/13/13 9:34 A

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Water is the goal today. My brain is fuzzy. If this cold is my excuse for not exercising today - at least I can make one deliberate attempt to do something right. And that today is water intake.



CHIGGERCANE
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2/12/13 8:17 A

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Am I looking for excuses - or are they just handed to me? A horrible cold has invaded my body. It has been years since I have felt this bad. I don't think it's the flu - I am way too congested for the flu - but my lower back and hips are very achy. No fever - just a stuffed nose, stuffed head, achy body, puffy eyes...lovely.

So - I have not done any exercise. I have been trying to get the mountain of work off my desk. Slowly progressing. Eating has been fairly light. Need to go make some chicken soup for later.

To work.



CHIGGERCANE
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2/10/13 3:24 P

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Where to begin? The humdrum of February (quite frankly a thoroughly depressing month), with the disappointment of what I did not do in January. Yes - so sorry - this is not a polly anna upbeat posting.

So, I keep telling myself "When this crazy time is over, THEN i will have time to..." the classic catch phrase of later not now. But we all know how that goes. Life is what happens when you're making plans...

I think I've mentioned the old guy I see 'running' - he has these really horribly bowed legs and he is barely moving. But he is out there - almost every day, with a grimace on his face. He inspires me - and also shames me. Well - I met him yesterday in the store. I guess met isn't really correct. He was in line in the store and I came up behind him. No mistaking him. I told him how much he inspires me and how I enjoy seeing him out there. He turned beet red and said I had made his day. He's not as old as I thought...I guess I'm older than I think I am (if that makes sense - it does to me). After I left, I hoped he did not think I was being condescending. He does inspire me. I wish I could make myself get out there in all sorts of weather and just move - not caring what anyone else thinks of me.

I'm tired of being a wus, I want to have that mean, strong streak I used to have. And I get mad at myself for not being able to get it back - and for complaining instead of just doing something about it. I am stretched to breaking right now about work. And then I am feeling guilty about being a horrible, neglectful mother (point in case -being on here instead of spending time with my son right now as he plays video games...) And work is getting even more demanding...

OK - breathe. Husband is out of town this week. This is a perfect week for me to get re-organized. Get some stuff done (taxes for co and self), clean, some stuff for me, Schedule my exercise - and then make sure it gets done. I was hoping to hit the mtn this week - 70 degree weather lately - but rain is forecast for entire week. We'll see.

It is what is is. I thank God for what He has sent my way. I ask for His direction, Point my feet in the direction You want me to take. Clear my mind. Make me the person You would have me be. Show me what You want me to do.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 2/10/2013 (15:25)


CHIGGERCANE
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1/28/13 8:40 P

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Went to Louise's this morning. Good workout. I missed the last 3 due to work. I could tell. I also told her I am not committing to February with her. With work as demanding as it has been, I can't make plans to be there every Mon and Fri - and she's too expensive to pay and forget. the $15/month gym...ok, but not the $15/visit. So....can I do something on my own, really? I sure hope so. The elliptical is working - did it 2 times this weekend. The dumb bells are downstairs right next to the elliptical. The weight bench is convenient to the dumb bells. The kicking dummy is right across the room. Commit and do it.

Water has been better the last few days. But not what it needs to be. Food has been pretty poor. Lots of room for improvement. I only have 11 months left to lose 20 pounds....




CHIGGERCANE
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1/23/13 8:03 P

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Jan almost over. Jumped on scale yesterday. With all the stress and not eating, I had dropped about 4 pounds. Back up. I've had a vague headache for weeks now - I know it is stress and dehydration. Drank a load of water today. Just need to keep it up. I have resorted to chick-fil-a breakfast food several times over the last 2 weeks. That will stop.

rest of Jan goals: Exercise in some fashion every day for the last week. Drink at least 8 cups of water a day. Do NOT eat at a fast food restaurant (for ANYTHING). I can do these things. I WILL do these things.



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1/18/13 9:02 P

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It's been 2 weeks (and 1 day) since I've been on here. Wow. It has been a crazy start to this new year. Talking with my husband today about this wild work experience - he made the comment that someday (hopefully soon) we will look back on this time and chuckle about how stressed out we were and wonder why.

I have learned quite a bit about faith and trust the last 2 weeks - well, actually the last 3 months since this all started. I have been shown over and over again that this is the right step for us.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Oh yes.

BUT - how has my health and exercise been. Pretty dang pitiful. In all honesty, the eating part has not been that bad. My stress levels have really controlled my eating. But I have done a pretty p*ss poor job of water and structured exercise.

OK - the MRI. No major probs with the hip (YEA!), some minor arthritis in the knee (hmmm), but a slight indication of degeneration where the tendon attaches to the knee on the outside. Rather surprising as I have no recollection of ever damaging my knee. Dr said it is common in people with compromised immunity systems or people who have been on major antibiotic programs. Nope - not me. Nothing to do about hip or knee other than what I have been doing - stretching and icing. He said I might as well try to start jogging again since not jogging has not made an improvement, So - next week? It's too cold to START to run again outside this weekend and I gave my gym membership to my son so no treadmill. I WILL do the elliptical tomorrow to warm up.

I have only made Louise's class 1 day each week due to work. I have not made the mtn due to rain and/or cold.

Tomorrow - food prep for the dogs and the family, major cleaning, elliptical and walking the dogs, WATER, menu planning.



CHIGGERCANE
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1/3/13 8:46 P

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Back to Louise tomorrow. I am looking forward to it. Then to the doctor to get the MRI results. I'm not sure whether I want to hear that nothing shows on the MRI or that there is a reason the bursitis and tendonitis is not healing...I can't afford to take time to get anything fixed right now - work is too critical - and I can't afford to pay for any medical procedures either right now.STOP WORRYING...wait til the appointment tomorrow and then figure it out.

Husband and work crew heads out of town Monday. Actual physical work starts on our big projects. Still a ton of stuff to do before they leave.

I was asked today whether I had made any resolutions. Nope. Not this year. I will do my best. And do it everyday. (Ben Franklin paraphrase). Some days will be better than others. I think I know where I want to be at the end of this year...but looking back over the last few years, I realize that sometimes, you just make it through day by day. And what you think now is important - you realize is not so important after all.

A teacher at my son's school has a husband who has been battling brain cancer for 3 years. 3 years to the day of his diagnosis, she had her cancerous thyroid removed. She found a lump in her throat months ago, but didn't want to worry her husband or kids....

I am thankful = so thankful - for the life I have. My family, my opportunities, my health. I am heavier than I want to be. I have more fat than I like. I am not as flexible or athletic as I used to be. But - I will not obsess about losing weight, working out, or tracking food. My weight is s really not that important. Life is precious. Opportunity is precious. I thank God for the life and blessings He has given me. I am grateful that He has blessed my life so that I might be of service to others. Now I just need to recognize the service I am being called to do.



CHIGGERCANE
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12/28/12 4:57 P

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I cannot believe it has been a month since I have been on here. It has been a unbelievably crazy month. Too busy at work, too stressful at work. BUT...I am grateful that we have this opportunity, There are way too many small businesses and people who are struggling to stay alive. 6 weeks ago, we were one of them. It is truly unbelievable how we have turned around in such a short time. I am thankful, grateful, and still fearful - but I have to believe and trust.

I found a plaque that I bought myself for Christmas. LET YOUR FAITH BE GREATER THAN YOUR FEARS. My motto for 2013.

Which brings me to...looking ahead for the year. I turned 49 Dec 25. I more year to 50. And what do I want in the next year? where do I want to me this time next year?

I want to have my hip bursitis and tendonitis healed. I have MRI scheduled for Dec 31 (thank you scheduling people for getting me in before the end of the year!!!). We will see if there are any issues prohibiting my rehag - therapy for the past 4 months has done relatively little to improve the situation.

I want to be eating better and drinking enough water. I know what to do. It is just a matter of planning ahead, being conscientious, and staying focused,

I want to be consistent with exercise. Louise will stay on my plans - despite the cost - and I HOPE to add back in my walks at the mtn and maybe jogging (mri results pending). Also - using elliptical when mtn and jogging not an option.

I want to spend quality time with my children. This is something I really need to work on. We spend time together - but will they look back on this time with smiles and laughter? Not so sure.

I want to be consistent with therapy dog at the nursing home and hospice, This has slipped in the last 2 months as I have barely been able to keep current with basic stuff. his means so much to the people there - it is such a small amount of my time. I CAN do this. Sparky loves to do this - and I get a reward from it as well.

There will be more. There will be a better, more detailed plan. But at least I have started.



Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 12/28/2012 (16:58)


CHIGGERCANE
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11/30/12 5:14 P

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Thurs Nov 29 - Grateful for dark choc espresso beans
Fri Nov 30 - Grateful for sleep

back to Louise today - I needed it. My body is beginning to feel very tired and a little achy at this point. I will definitely feel this workout tomorrow.

Watching myself in the mirror as I did deadlifts today - I couldn't help but compare my body to a weeble. UGH. Where did the person I used to be go? When did this frumpy, dumpy person become attached to me and overtake my physical body?

Of course, I know what I SHOULD do. I know what I CAN do. It is up to me. Stop complaining and get off my a** - and eat properly. Drink water. I tell my kids so often..."Listen" - so why don't I?



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11/28/12 9:51 P

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Tues Nov 20 Grateful for fires on a chilly day
Weds Nov 21 Grateful for my dogs and their unquestioning love
Thurs Nov 22 Grateful for extended family - even when they drive me crazy
Fri Nov 23 Grateful for my husband and sons
Sat Nov 24 Grateful there are other parents similar to me and my husband
Sun Nov 25 Grateful for outdoor fires in fall
Mon Nov 26 Grateful for a return to routine
Tues Nov 27 Grateful for safe flights for loved ones
Weds Nov 28 Grateful for church programs that my son wants to attend

So - I have been busy at work. Too busy. Feast or famine - and the feast may kill me. Is there ever a happy medium? Getting jobs started is always so stressful. But these 2 HUGE jobs are much more stressful than I like. I just need to trust and believe. And do my best. (Altho one of my favorite lines (paraphrased) has always been "I'm not paying you to do your best - I'm paying you to do a job." Ayn Rand)

And I have allowed exercise to fall off. Had to skip Louise on Monday. And I so needed it. I am walking the mountain tomorrow. NO MATTER WHAT!! And Louise is Friday. NO MATTER WHAT!! With all this stress, I have been fairly decent on food. I really have little interest in eating. Altho I am eating - just not alot.My choices all this past week have been good. If I could just be consistent with exercise, water and food. It sounds so simple...but then life gets in the way. Excuse me - my mind gets in the way. And makes it difficult. When it really isn't. OK enough rambling.

A new emphasis tomorrow (sounds so much better than "starting tomorrow" considering how many times I have muttered that phrase...) - plan ahead. Drink water. Exercise.

I have therapy for my leg tomorrow am. Then walk at mtn. Time to hit bed.

I was re-reading a book this past week - Six of One. One line stood out this time -

"There are a million reasons for failure - but no excuses."

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 11/28/2012 (21:54)


CHIGGERCANE
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11/19/12 8:53 P

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Sun Nov 18 - grateful for doc in boxes
Mon Nov 19 - Grateful for tamiflu

So youger son has the flu. Not a good beginning to Thanksgiving week. BUT - I got him to a doc in a box yesterday (3 hour wait...) and strep test came back negative but the flu...oh my yes. Started on tamifu that afternoon - and i must say I am impressed. He has slept most of Saturday and Sunday - but today - barely a fever and not that bad. Not the flu I remember when I had it. Thank goodness. we'll see what the rest of the week has in store. I think we have been dis-invited to Thanksgiving dinner with extended family - which I can totally understand (and which my husband is secretly jumping up and down about...LOL). May just be a quiet time here.

Just read chicchantal's blog about ferrets, underwear...very cute. I have been feeling quite the slug the last few days. Not much accomplished work wise or exercise wise. That must stop - I intend to get up early tomorrow and hit the elliptical (or walk the dogs...).




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11/19/12 8:49 P

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double post


Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 11/19/2012 (20:55)


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11/17/12 5:02 P

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Th Nov 15 - Grateful for son's mole report - "just a mole - no sign of skin cancer."
Fri Nov 16 - Grateful for the moms involved today in a group at school.
Sat Nov 17 - grateful for my sweet, younger son and who he is

So yesterday, since Louise had canceled circuit class, I went back to a prayer group at my younger son's school. This group meets Friday mornings to pray for our school, admin, teachers, community - and most of all - our own kids. I haven't been in a long time. It was nice to sit back with these women. I tend to be a loner. I have acquaintances, but few very close friends. Since I work (true - out of the house and since I own the company I make my hours relatively speaking), I don't really connect with most of the woman at this school. I don't have a lot of time (or tolerance) for froo froo meetings, ladies who lunch, social tennis, etc.(now that I may have offended some people reading this...LOL). But it was really interesting at this meeting. Every woman there had in some way been part of my past life at one time or another (a couple we were at college together, I was high school friends with 2 women's siblings, I had lived next door to someone when we were young, etc) It is really strange the connections we all have to one another that we overlook or miss. It reminded me of "The 5 People You Meet in Heaven". Anyway - not really relevant to fitness or working out, but interesting.

Today, my younger son's scout troop did a service activity for the troops. It was fun...but I find myself wondering why I have no tolerance for kids - other people's kids...LOL. UGH.

So - I have been horrible about cardio and weight lifting this week. I have been busy at work. I am mentally and physically tired. I am working myself up emotionally over my sister coming into town for Thanksgiving. At least my sil will be out of town...LOL. Oh boy - I know I have given a horrible impression of me to anyone reading this, But, I can be honest here. Brutally honest. I can say things I would NEVER say out loud in 'real life'. OK...time for a long hot shower. And maybe the elliptical tonight....maybe.



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11/14/12 4:14 P

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Tues Nov 13 grateful for my son's health
Weds Nov 14 Grateful for finding help when I need it

So Monday, my older son had a mole removed from his face. The mole has been looked at before (several times in fact) - and it is strangely in the same location of the face that my grandmother and father have a mole exactly like it. I've always thought of it kind of like a birthmark - but at least 2 different dermatologist's have decided it wasn't anything to be worried about. Now this guy says the color concerns him - removed it (YEA!) and makes a follow up appt for 6 months. So - it can't be THAT concerning - right? This same son has been through 4 months of testing for irregular heartbeats. We had a final review checkup today and it has been determined it's just the way he is (I also have the same issue just not as drastic) - but we got the time wrong and missed the appt. Rescheduled for next Monday. Hopefully all will come out well for him.

I have been working very hard. I had to have the dog miss her nursing home visit (not good) I was so busy. I hope I have everything 'under control' by next week. Anxiety over the job woke me up at 2:30 this morning. I HATE when that happens. I know stress is supposed to have a big impact on your ability to lose weight. I'm in trouble!!!

I SHOULD hit the elliptical today. Can I? Will I?



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11/12/12 5:19 P

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Monday Nov 12 - Grateful for our company and the future

Circuit class today. It was good - I did not struggle as much as i have in the past. I'm getting better. I just wish the belly fat and arm fat would get off faster.

Been working all day at the computer. Need to get up and do something else.

Food - ok. Bfast - scrambled eggs & toast, lunch - ratatoille and asparagus, snack - nuts and dark choc covered espresso beans, (oh - and 3 Lindor balls...). Dinner is planned potato , brussel sprouts and filet. I don't eat large portions of meat - i've measured and a typical portion for me is 2 oz. Water has been better than the past few weeks - but still not good.

No circuit on Friday so we are walking the mountain path. I have to be at school for a pie feast for my younger son. I wonder if I can skip out on that so I can walk longer....I'm a bad mom.



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11/11/12 3:12 P

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Nov 8 - Thursday - Grateful for a friend to walk with at the mountain today and enjoying the weather
Nov 9 - Friday - Grateful for son and husband being to able to camp on a beautiful weekend
Nov 10 - Saturday - grateful I was able to take therapy dog to visit at the Hospice today - and that (I think) she brought comfort to a woman and her son
Nov 11 - Sunday Grateful for seeing an old friend today at church

Got a fair amount done this weekend. Thursday walked at mountain. Friday had circuit class. Louise worked our sides and abs - I am still feeling it today. I did not follow thru and do cardio on Saturday. My intent is to do cardio today.

I am up another 2 pounds. I have GOT to get serious and watch my food. I just love to eat too much. I don't think I really eat all that awful. But just too much good stuff and the occasional treat and it adds up. SO - starting today...(where have I heard that before??) I'm watching the amount and quality of what I eat - and increasing water.

Looks like we have the project at work - someone just forgot to tell us. it's going to be a busy end of year.



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11/7/12 3:59 P

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November 7 - Weds - HMMMM...Grateful to be in the position I am.

Not the best of days. Still waiting at work, but starting to get more anxious. Silly to be so. We will be fine whether we get the job or not. We either shut down the company or we complete this huge job and THEN shut the business down. Just a few minor details of work and money. That's all.

So - as I have been working pretty much non-stop in the office, I did not get to the elliptical. It's there in the basement, waiting for me. Tomorrow, weather cooperating, I will walk at the mountain. It has been 3 weeks (?) since I have been there. Then Friday is circuit class again. Food has been ok - some good, some bad. Maybe a little too much bad. Water has been off.



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11/6/12 8:53 A

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November 6 - Tuesday. Grateful for the opportunities in this country...

Rainy day here. Waiting at work about huge project. Wish we would get word one way or other. I feel like it's hinging on today's outcome. It probably is.

Elliptical is on my list for today. And water. Better get to it. I believe. Show me Your Glory!!!

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 11/6/2012 (08:53)


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11/5/12 12:59 P

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Circuit class this morning. A good class. I am definitely getting back to my love of exercise. I know I can never go back to where I was 14 years ago (before I was pregnant with my youngest - and when I was in decent shape)...but I'm improving and feel better. I am SO glad I decided to do this class. It is expensive - but I need this.

Food is ok. I succumbed to the last chicken pot pie in the freezer for lunch today....bad - but it's gone now. Oh - and a coke. But - there's always room for improvement.
Water is much better today.

i almost forgot - I actually went to the basement yesterday and did the elliptical. It's so easy, why don;t I do it more often????

November 5 - Monday - grateful for invite for my son to spend nite with friend.



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11/4/12 12:20 P

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Another week without posting. If I'm not careful this could become a habit. I so need to take just a few minutes everyday to get on here and be aware of what my goals are and how I am getting to them.

This will also serve as my grateful journal for the month of November.

November 1 - Thursday - grateful for the fun time my son had trick or treating with good friends.
November 2 - Friday - grateful for the opportunity to exercise at circuit class - and that I did fairly well and felt good afterwards.
November 3 - Saturday - grateful for my husband - a man who simply does what needs to be done - whether he feels like doing it or not (I guess I should express that thought to him sometimes...right?)
November 4 - Sunday - grateful for my 2 sons - this would have been the 21st birthday of my friend's son who passed away 1.5 yrs ago in a car accident.

It is so easy to overlook your blessings and get caught up in the blahness of daily trivialness. I have so much to be grateful for. I am at the tail end of a Beth Moore Bible Study - Believing God. Her message last week was - expect miracles. Expect to be amazed. Pray out to God "Show us Your Glory!" and then... expect Him to!! Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a fairly conservative behaving believer - I am NOT an 'in your face...or in your ear...type person. I am not comfortable 'pushing' anything on anyone. BUT - this message struck me. WHY NOT expect the best? Why have I been living in defeat with a prayer to "let me be happy with whatever happens." WHY NOT pray for total success in ...well, everything?

So my November attitude is: Expect the best...and be willing to invest whatever you have to to get there.



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10/29/12 8:00 P

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A whole week I have been away from posting - not good. I have been extremely busy with work and ...well, life that the past week just got away from me. Even tho I did not track food and water that consistently, I feel like the last week was not too bad.

Friday, sat, and Sun, i was at agility competition with the dog. Lots of walking, short bursts of running, and not a lot of snacking. So all in all, not too bad.

Went to circuit class this morning. Not bad at all. She had the jump rope as one station - kind fun to do that again.

Things at work look like they may get extremely busy. Will know more tomorrow - but it could be a very stressful time ahead I MUST keep on track - eating as clean as I can and keeping up the exercise.



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10/22/12 10:53 A

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Circuit class this morning. Thought I was gonna puke at the end. She had us doing knee ups on a bench right in front of the mirror. Oh boy. I guess I should do that more often - the site was not one I enjoyed. muffin top and thighs...MUCH larger than I imagine. I hope that image wil stay in my mind this week and keep me on track.

Water being guzzled. Breakfast was decent - not great. Break from work over - gotta get back to it.



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10/21/12 7:02 P

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Today is my husband's 50th birthday. Wow. I can't believe the years have flown by so fast. He was 19 when we started dating. Our 25 wedding anniversary is in May. Where did the years go?

I went to a neighbor's backyard wedding yesterday. Only 20 of us. It was a beautiful wedding. Very nice, sweet, no stress. Just what a wedding should be. A woman was there who had a baby 3 weeks ago. It was so funny to talk to the newlyweds and the newly parents So much ahead for them...

Anyway....my plans got blown to smithereens this past week with work. I am hoping this week will be more 'normal' (if there is such a thing) and I can stay a bit more in control/plan. It will still be a busy week.

This week:

water
exercise EVERYDAY
no fast food
no fried foods
follow food plan






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10/18/12 10:45 A

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It is a rainy but beautiful day here. Nice with a bit of a chill in the air. Getting caught up at work. About to head out to run some business errands.

On my list today is to cancel my membership at the discount corner gym. I have great intentions - was going regularly for a while - but only going 1-2 times a month (yes...a month) is ridiculous. And if I am paying Louise as well - I need to get out of my month to month. Hopefully that will not be a horrible experience.

I will miss Louise tomorrow due to school conferences - and next Friday as well due to a dog agility competition. I MUST do exercise on my own (or at the discount gym) today and tomorrow.



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10/17/12 10:54 P

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So easy to lose my focus on exercise and nutrition. I think it has to do with how busy/focused I am in other areas. Which in itself is a silly, meaningless statement. Life is life. I cannot compartmentalize my life - altho I try.

I want to focus on: eating healthy (and in proper proportion), getting enough water, exercising every day, work, getting organized, having fun with the kids, keeping house going, doing therapy work with dog, agility's training with dogs, etc, There is too much going on.

I think when I get overwhelmed, I let all areas lapse. And everything suffers, including my attitude and mood. Which causes spirals all over the place.

OK - I'm rambling and getting myself convinced that I am failing at everything. Time to stop, regroup, prioritize and do the best I can with what I have.



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10/12/12 8:21 A

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The end of the week already...HOW does time fly so quickly now? I have Louise's class in about 1/2 hour. I'm dreading it - but also looking forward to this. I have always loved boot camp style classes. I am no-where near as fit as I used to be, and I know the old class I used to go to would kill me right now...but I am not doing as poorly as I had feared. Each class, I feel a little better. No weight loss yet...but it's just a number. I'm hoping that waist enhancer fat will be dropping off soon.

So on FlyLady today, there is an interesting post sent in about not being able to let go of clutter and how it is related to the emotional things you can't forgive yourself for. Very intriguing viewpoint. I need to copy that over to my saved articles for mulling over later. I agree with Susan (who wrote the post). And applying that to my weight loss (or lack thereof) is something I need to do. Forgiving myself (and others) is a problem area for me. I know it is holding me up in many ways. And yes - I do believe it has something to do with my weight issues....along with age, lack of exercise, lack of disciplined eating, etc. Gotta be honest here. I get lazy and decide it's too much trouble, I'm tired, I'm overworked, I'm bored, I'm...whatever.

But it all ties back to frustration with how I ended up in the shape I'm in. I am responsible for the 20 extra pounds I'm carrying around on me. Yes - I am having issues with my hip, tendonitis, plantar fascitis, broken toe, etc. that is associated with my not being able to exercise in the way I have in the past..but I COULD have cut back on my eating, found alternative exercises, gone to the doctor earlier, stretched and done therapy sooner, etc. OK, getting caught up in the mindless circle of BLAME (Because Losers Always Make Excuses...) when I was just trying to bring my thoughts into line with the article.

Forgive myself. I screwed up. Over several years. I can't go change the past. I can't magically remove 20 pounds. BUT - I can forgive myself for it all. It's done with. It's over. Would I constantly chastise my sons or husband or friends for something they did wrong in the past? I sincerely hope not. So - why do I do it to myself? This is today - now. The past is over. I am 48 years old. I weigh 150 lbs. I have a muffin top. And wiggly upper arms. And thighs that rub together.I don't like the weight, the muffin top, the wiggly arms or the rubbing thighs. I can't do anything about the age - unless I want to quit at 48 and I don't...but I CAN do something about the rest.





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10/9/12 10:58 P

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The week is already getting away from me and it's only Tuesday...

I have GOT to make time for cardio tomorrow. I really MUST!!! I have a meeting in the am, so I can't go to the gym or mtn first thing. I struggle making the time to go if I don't exercise first thing in the am. I WILL get it in tomorrow.

Therapy for the hip tomorrow afternoon. I hope I get a little relief. Nighttime is sometimes a rough time. Lying on my side is painful and I'm a side sleeper. Son has therapy at same time for tendonitis. I'm hoping he will have some relief since soccer is over now.

Food was pretty good today. The ratatoille turned out quite tasty. A little too tasty - had another bowl as an afternoon snack. I should have avoided the oreo though....





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10/8/12 3:59 P

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Fairly good weekend. Cool weather came in today - feels great.

Circuit class this morning. Before we got started, I was dreading it - it looked so hard. But, it wasn't that bad. A couple stations gave me some issues - but all in all, it felt great.

Food today has been ok - except for the choc chop muffin and 2 small bagels. Gotta watch those carbs. But I am improving. Progress not perfection.

Getting ready to make a batch for ratatouille for lunches this week. Perfect weather for it.

I'm really going to try to up my cardio this week. I can do this.



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10/5/12 10:14 P

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Son's team lost the championship game - so sad. But I think he improved in playing style. Life will be much simpler starting today as there is no longer soccer practice.

Circuit class today was great. I don't think it was really much easier today, so I feel like I'm improving. I just hope the lbs and fat come off. My weight is still up...we'll see what happens the rest of the month. I feel sore, but good.





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10/2/12 10:42 P

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all in all, today was a decent day. I'ma little shy on water, very shy on exercise - but ok on food. Always room for improvement, but not bad.

Son scored his 1st ever soccer goal today - in a playoff game! I was very excited for him. It was so great to see his team's reaction. Good group of kids. Championship game is Thursday.

Hamstrings are killing me today, along with core, lower back, etc. LOL It feels good - but it hurts.



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10/1/12 11:10 A

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Oct 1 - Exercise DONE for the day - will get a little more stretching in tho. Louise kicked my butt again this morning. I think the circuit was a little easier today...but is that because it really was easier - or am I improving? Or both? The 3rd time thru the circuit, I was dragging, but I finished. I can't believe how out of shape I have become...BUT....I am turning it around.

Water is on track for the day. I am chugging it as I write. After this, I am hitting the shower and then completing some deliveries for work. I can't face our customers as I am now - sweaty and in exercise clothes.

Later - done for day - updated food. Afternoon is hard for me - I want to eat everything - just mindless eating. I need to come up with an afternoon routine to keep me from being bored.

Took therapy dog to visit someone today. Made me feel useful. Will go visit tomorrow as well. I really need to get serious and find a place for her to visit on a regular schedule.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 10/1/2012 (19:24)


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9/30/12 5:01 P

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On to October. I joined the Oct 1-31 Buddy Challenge. I think this will be better for me than setting a hard weight loss goal. I would really like to lose the weight this month, but after my gain of the last 2 weeks, I guess I'm gun shy.

I have planned out meals for the week ahead, I have pre-cooked some protein for lunches this week. I have downed 70 oz of water today. I have mentally prepped myself for the week ahead. I have stretched and iced my hip and leg. No matter what the week holds, I can face a new month with a good attitude and optimism.

Louise's class is tomorrow. I am both dreading and looking forward to her class. I need this. I can do this. I want this. Do I want this bad enough to stay focused, eat clean, drink water, be positive, etc? YES YES YES.



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9/29/12 10:25 A

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I am ending September at my highest ever weight - including when I was pregnant...oh, what a sad statement. How did I allow myself to get here? I truly think it because of this new circuit class. My clothes are fitting fine, I can see some upper ab definition, my butt is getting a LITTLE smaller...so WTH??? I have to tell my mind to get beyond the number...forget the number....

BUT...am I really doing all I can to be healthy? NO.
Should I tighten my diet? YES
Should I focus on getting enough water? YES

My hip bursitis is really acting up today. Went to therapy Thursday, had circuit class Friday am, really stretched yesterday and last night was awful. Today is not starting out great either, So, I can't add walking back into my routine at this point. But I CAN do the elliptical. I CAN stretch. I CAN watch what I eat.



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9/25/12 9:00 A

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Could not believe the scale yesterday and today. I have gained 5 lbs. ??? I have not eaten THAT much choc, have I?? I can only wonder if it is related to the circuit class and my body going into shock. I am going to see what water can do for me...and writing down what I eat/drink and see if I am mindlessly eating. My clothes are still fitting ok. I don't feel bloated or larger. I keep telling myself...weight is just a number....it's not about the number....will I ever believe it?

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 9/25/2012 (09:01)


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9/24/12 11:25 A

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Louise this morning. She said she gave us an 'easy Monday'...yeah, right. My core is already screaming. This is an area that I know is so weak, so I am glad...but I dread tomorrow morning trying to get out of bed.

Had weekend to myself as the husband and sons were camping. I did deep cleaning on the house - cleaned floors, washed baseboards and walls, etc. And I avoided the delivery chinese food which is what I usually indulge in when I am alone. I did however eat quite a few snack size Reeces, almond joys and M&Ms. I don;t know whay I buy the Halloween large bags of candy...I know that I will eat them...so WHY???

All in all thought, a good weekend. And after a workout like that this morning, my body is screaming at me to stay focused. Another crazy week ahead. I can do this, though I have meals planned out, I have some prepped food for lunches. Need to head to grocery store later today to get fruits and veggies. It's gonna be a good week.



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9/20/12 11:02 A

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So I must vent about people. WHY do people let you down? This time it was not personally to me, but a friend. She was hosting an event and had arranged for 3 (at least) people to bring food or help setup and cleanup, etc. I got there (as 1 of the 3) and was told the other 2 texted (Yes - TEXTED) a few minutes before stating they couldn't bring the food or even attend. Uh...a few minutes BEFORE the event and you cancel and don't provide what you committed to??? Are you serious?? Luckily, not a ton of people showed up and between what she and I had, there was enough. But what is wrong with people? Do commitments mean so little to people? It's an interesting view into people - and it highlights the shallowness of them. I knew this about 1 of the people...but it was slammed home to me again. Then I received a text a few mins ago from that person asking how it went - and asking for a favor from me. Sorry - not gonna happen. I should really just become a hermit.

So - as I'm musing over this behavior, I realize I'm doing the same thing to my body (in a metaphorical sense). I committed to exercising and eating 'well...and I have not even bothered to text myself that I'm not following through with ANY of it. A commitment is a commitment. Live up to your obligations. In simple words - DO WHAT YOU SAY YOU'RE GONNA DO!!!! If you're not going to do it - then stop saying you will. Who's fooling who? Become who you want to be...wait - I think that one deserves the screaming capitals....

BECOME WHO YOU WANT TO BE! NOW! TODAY!

The 2 reeces cups and 1 almond joy (snack size) are texting me to live up to what I say...and the coke too. emoticon

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 9/20/2012 (15:00)


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9/19/12 10:47 A

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Another very thorough, sore inducing workout with Louise on Monday. Core is feeling it today! Watching food. Weighed this am - and UP 2 lbs...WHY??? I find when I workout really hard with weights, I tend to hold onto or add weight. Is it water? I have not been getting 64 oz in of water - I think I'm really going to watch that the next few days and see what happens.





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9/15/12 4:55 P

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Up 1/2 a pound this week - not sure why. I really thought I did pretty good with food this week, and better with water.

Louise canceled her class for last Friday and net Friday. Actually I think that's better for me so I can ease into it a little better - 1 day a week, plus my walking and whatever I can work in the rest of the week.

Planning out meals and exercise today for the week ahead. It's another busy week ahead.



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9/13/12 1:51 P

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Louise's class has stayed with me in many ways - primarily in having almost every muscle in my body aching! But a good ache. My core, butt, inner thighs, back, shoulders...you name it - it hurts. I have been so much more conscious of my body this week because of that, which has lead me to making better choices in food and drinking more water. I am planning on going tomorrow morning. I am a little afraid of how much I will hurt Saturday...but hey- I'll recover.

Made a huge batch of ratatouille last night. Turned out very tasty. I was talking with some people last week who have been focusing on a plant based lifestyle. I need to up the amount of veggies I eat, but I'm not willing to go 100% plant based. With the fall feel to the air, it's time to start making regular batches of ratatouille, cabbage/veggie soup, and butternut squash soup - my fall staples.

I'm feeling torn about Louise's class. On one hand, I am optimistic and energized. On the other hand, I am scared this is a false high for trying something new. I KNOW that I will not continue this for a long period of time due to the cost. But this is the type class I enjoy (or used to). I like to work out really hard in a class environment. I won't do it on my own. But then I start feeling like a fool for 'wasting' money on something on I SHOULD be able to do on my own. How long will I justify this cost?

OK - gotta get to work so I have money to pay for class. I'll mull things over in my mind for the next month. I have decided to do Louise's class for September. No regrets or discussion about it. I am investing in myself. Then we'll see.



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9/10/12 4:26 P

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Louise will one day kill someone! Man, was her class tough. I used to be able to handle a class like hers with relatively little trouble. I thought I was going to faint or puke. But I managed to stay in the class - finish MOST of the circuit exercises and I feel great now. I WILL do this class Mondays and Fridays for the month of Sept and then we'll see. It is more $ than I want to spend. So, I don't know beyond Sept.

Food and water have been ok today. I think I'll have an easier time eating better if I'm working out so hard. Fantasy or fact????

Had a very busy weekend. Dog agility competition. So was fairly active Friday thru Sunday, but nothing formal. This is a busy week. 2 family birthdays and husband is out of town all week. Usually that means I rely on convenience food. Which i will NOT do this week. Taking a home ridden friend to lunch tomorrow. Gotta watch that as well.

PLAN PLAN PLAN...that's the only way to succeed.





CHIGGERCANE
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9/4/12 8:59 A

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Good weekend at the lake. Did a little too much walking i think as the hip bursitis and tendonitis was complaining last night. I have therapy again on Weds - hopefully I'll start seeing some improvement soon.

Husband out of town this week - gotta watch the cooking, It's hard to make myself cook when it's only the younger son and I. But older son is here this week - and it is a crazy week school and sports wise. So - I WILL cook! I will plan meals as soon as I get off here.

Texted Louise about joining her circuit class. Hopefully I'll hear from her soon. Elliptical and free weights on the schedule for later today. Work awaits - time to get to it. Ok - and water is here at my side.



CHIGGERCANE
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9/1/12 1:45 P

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September 1.
145.5 lbs. Hmmmm let's see. I signed up for the August lose 5 lbs...and did NOT lose ANY weight. Am I the master of self-sabotage or what?

I have signed up for the Septemer Lose 5 lbs Challenge. And the results WILL be different.

Why? Because I want it to be different. I need it to be different. My plan:

Water, Water, Water (Water to the 10th - as in 10 glasses a day)
No Fast Food (where have I heard that before...LOL)
Minimize eating out
PLAN my meals for the week ahead AND LIVE MY PLAN
Exercise - I will do SOMETHING everyday (Gym, circuit class, Mtn walk, jog, elliptical or walk)
Post here
Eliminate BLAME (Because Losers Always Make Excuses) - stop blaming circumstances
Be Postive

I'm sure there's more I need to do (and will) bu that's enough to get me started.






CHIGGERCANE
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8/30/12 11:02 A

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September 1 is looming on the horizon. This MUST be the month I get serious and committed. I don't want to face 2013 in the shape I'm in (mentally and physically) - and 4 months ending 2012 being focused and directed will get me there. Just looked at the calendar - 17 weeks left in 2012. 17 weeks to find my plan - establish my routines - invest in ME!!

A somewhat friend (more acquaintance) mentioned a home based circuit training class being held in my neighborhood - invited me to join in. It costs a little more than I like...BUT - I complain that I'm not dedicated to exercise, I don't have enough groups that I participate in (I'm a natural loner/independent), it's 1/2 a mile from my house, and the instructor used to teach a group class I took years ago - and she is fantastic. SO - I think I will 'invest' for the month of September. No - I don't THINK - I WILL! I will call her today and sig up for September. And I will GO to the class in September!

17 weeks left in the year - 17 changes to get me through the year in much better shape mentally and physically than I am now.



CHIGGERCANE
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8/28/12 9:32 A

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Another 'pity-me' post. Went to therapy yesterday (and last Friday) for hip bursitis and tendonitis. Was firmly told "STOP WALKING AND JOGGING UNTIL THIS CALMS DOWN!" Yes - I was yelled at. Had infrared, ultrasound, elbow massage (Wow - did THAT hurt!), and medicine. Was feeling a little better - so of course, last night, I walked. Big mistake. By 10 PM, in sever pain.

I need to walk. I need to do something. Can I really take off a couple weeks and do nothing except weights???

Weight is up. But that's because of bad choices on my end.

It is really time to get serious. How many times have I said that? Get real - get serious - there are no do overs!



CHIGGERCANE
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8/20/12 2:33 P

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An eventful weekend. My husband's father admitted to hospital - he's currently in ICU, improving and expecting to go to a 'regular' room tomorrow - then home in a couple days. Family drama, interactions, etc all lead to anxiety and BLAH-ness. UGH!

Went to gym this am - got in a quick treadmill routine plus upper body weight workout. Food has not been great - but not too bad either. Definitely room for improvement - but hey - I got time to do that - and motivation.

Our business is too slow right now. I don't have enough to do to keep me busy - and I've been too lazy to start work on my house cleaning/improvements. That's what I need to do - get busy. Stop feeling BLAH and anxious and comparing my life to others.

It is what it is. Deal with it.



CHIGGERCANE
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8/15/12 8:11 A

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Calm my fears & increase my faith to trust You in all things.

Trust and faith. That's all I need. I've been trying to do it all on my own willpower - emotional eating from anxiety and worry is the result.

I found myself baking cookies this weekend. I made banana bread yesterday. I thought about my mother as I was baking. She is ALWAYS making cakes and cookies...and they don't need them. She and my father both are heavy, high blood pressure, pre-diabetic, sedentary, etc. But as I was baking, I thought about being little and helping my mom bake things for the family and how that made me feel. It was a way to show love and caring for family members. And it reminds me of good times with my mom. So, is that why my mother bakes so much - because it reminds her of missing family members and being young? My young son loved the banana bread - so I will NOT have any myself, but save it all for him. I can still get the good feelings - but not eat the whole result.



CHIGGERCANE
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8/11/12 11:37 P

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Got the jog done 1st thing. I'm still struggling at 2 points during the jog - heading up hills. Actually, they are 'rises', not hills...but I am having a hard time getting my breathing under control while lifting my legs high enough. emoticon I think a couple more time and I'll be better at the hills.

Then had a walk with the dogs tonite. Just a short walk - but it was nice.

Had a family wedding today so food was not that great. Not bad either for that matter.

Tomorrow, the planning for the week ahead gets done utilizing the monthly menus. AND an exercise schedule that will be followed will be prepared. I really want to see a loss this week.



CHIGGERCANE
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8/10/12 4:30 P

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I wish they didn't start school til after Labor Day - like the old days!

OK day - still trying to get a routine decided on. Was planning on running at the mountain, but my 8:00 am appointment lasted until 9:40 - just enough time to get to my 10 am appt. Then errands and work took up the rest of the day. I'm about to head out to get son from soccer. We'll see if I can get in some elliptical time later today. WILL jog tomorrow am - 1st thing - no excuses!

Eating is so-so today. I dusted off my monthly meal plan yesterday. I need to update it a bit - it has quite a bit of chicken on it and I'm trying to reduce the amount of chicken we eat. Then - all I have to do is implement it...WHY is that so hard?





JIBBIE49
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8/10/12 12:20 A

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WOW, school started already. Ours starts the 27th.



 current weight: 172.4 
 
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CHIGGERCANE
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8/8/12 5:39 P

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School started today. Dropped son at school and headed right to the gym. Was on the treadmill by 7:30. Did a quick 20 min jog/some alternating walking, then did weights for arm workout. A couple years ago, I googled Linda Hamilton's arm workout from Terminator 3 and wrote down the suggested exercises. That's what I'm starting with - altho I may need to get a refresher on some of the notes - I was reaching for form this morning. AND - I KNOW that 80% is diet on getting definition. But - it felt great being there this AM. I need to head to exercise 1st thing EVERY morning!

Water has been better today - food ok, not great. Progress - not perfection.

Scale is moving the wrong way. Not surprising considering some of the choices I have made this past week. 31/2 week of August left - plenty of time to lose 5.



CHIGGERCANE
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8/6/12 3:14 P

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Thanks for the comments MarlieSE01. Just get up and do SOMETHING - doesn't really matter what - ANYTHING and you will feel better.

So today is the 16th anniversary of the death of my best friend, Sandra. I remember every moment of being with her that afternoon until evening - one of the longest, most emotional days I have ever spent - that now seems way too short. I miss my friend. I smile as I remember her. If you have a best friend, call them and let them know what they mean to you!

"Never complain about growing old. Many, many people do not have the privilege."

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 8/6/2012 (15:45)


MARLIESE01
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8/5/12 10:02 A

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I love that quote you found. I have been logging my food but really struggling with the exercise part. I am not an athlete, never have been. Can't seem to motivate myself to do any exercise, but you are motivating me to do something, anything. How did you get started? What made you get up off the couch and start running! I am so proud of you and in awe!emoticon



 current weight: 133.5 
 
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CHIGGERCANE
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8/3/12 6:48 P

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So today was a 'making it by' day. Too little structure and we found a whole box of everlasting Gobstoppers as we were cleaning out my son's room. I love the purple ones...and the red ones...and the green ones. At least they are gone now.

I signed up for the Losing 5 lbs in August challenge. Better get busy. Water is still a major issue I need to focus on,

Tomorrow, we have the Wounded Warrior 5K. We'll be walking for the most part, with some bouts of jogging. Rain has moved in (YEA!) tonight - I hope it won't be raining tomorrow am.



CHIGGERCANE
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8/2/12 9:10 A

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Started today off ok. Got a few things on my 'daily' list done.

Flylady had a very good message today. I'm going to paraphrase what she stated. Go to her website to see her whole message. flylady.net

Life is about progress, not perfection. Do what you can, with what you have, with where you are. Celebrate each and every step. And fill those celebrations with laughter. It doesn't have to be perfect to be better than it was.



CHIGGERCANE
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8/1/12 6:56 P

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August 1. Where did summer go? For that matter, where did this year go?

17 months left to take off 15 lbs. I can do it - no problem. I do need to get serious. And live according to plan. Therefore, I should have a plan.

I've been sitting here trying to get my schedule together for when school starts. what do I want to fit in daily / weekly/ and monthly? What can I reasonably expect to accomplish in a day. I have a partially completed list together - will flesh it out this week. When school hits next Weds, I want to be off and running (literally and figuratively).



Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 8/1/2012 (19:14)


CHIGGERCANE
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7/31/12 9:38 A

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Posted this blog - but want it here too. Got a jog in again yesterday morning. Just over 1.6 miles. Husband and I started out - he 'encouraged' me to extend the run 'just a bit'. He and I are very different. He can set his mind to something and 'just do it'. I'm not saying he doesn't struggle or work hard - he works very hard, both mentally and physically. I tend to be more 'mind ploughing' (to stay in theme) - before I start moving: I've committed to a certain run, prepared my mind to tell my body what it has to do, visualized the run and where I know I'm going to have problems, imagined the end point...ALOT of mind ploughing. If I change after I've started...well, it's not something I handle well. And I know that doesn't speak well of me...I'm just trying to stay honest.

So - I looked at him, smiled and said "Love me for who I am...not for who you want me to be." He smiled...but I know he was disappointed in me. But- I like to start slow and short - get good at that run - and then when I feel confident - can breathe easier and can make my legs move at quicker than a snail's pace, I'll expand the run or increase the speed. I'm just glad I'm out there doing it.

But as I ran, I kept mulling over what I had said - and I thought back to a book 'Sons and Lovers' by DH Lawrence. There's a line in there that has always stuck with me - “She could not be content with the little he might be; she would have him the much that he ought to be. So, in seeking to make him nobler than he could be, she destroyed him.”
I've thought those lines over MANY times - funny how I've always applied my thinking to my sons and husband, but never me. Am I content with the little I might be - my short 1.5 mile jogs? No, I'm not. But - (and I think this is one point Lawrence was getting at) - I have to be the one to decide to change, expand and grow. I must do it for me - because I want it. My husband is trying to support and encourage me. I don't want to give the impression that he is anything other than supportive. But, my personality is not one that thrives from that encouragement. I get disappointed in myself, mad at myself for not having the drive I used to have, and then I get annoyed at him for wanting me to be more than I am (at that moment) - what I think he thinks I 'ought' to be.

And what 'ought' I to be? I will never be a driven runner - my race is with myself, not with anyone else out there. I will be content to do my 5K's at 10 minute miles. But it's going to take me some time to work myself up both physically and mentally to do that. And that's ok. "The much that (I) ought to be" is going to be something that evolves.




CHIGGERCANE
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7/26/12 10:37 A

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Did my jog/run yesterday. It was good. 7 am - getting steamy, but not too bad. Only 1.4 miles - took 15 minutes - a little slower than my usual 10 minute mile - but that's ok. "It does not matter how slow you go so long as you do not stop." Then we walked the dogs for another 30 mins following that. Followed that up last night with a 30 min walk again with the dogs at a fairly quick pace.

I have not been logging food again. And I feel on the fence about that. It take a long time - it may tend to make me too obsessive in a way. My food has been fairly decent this summer. Good enough at this point. So - if I log - I log - if I don't - I don't. I can get more organized and obsessive once school starts again.

Same with the gym. I only have less than 2 weeks now with younger son before school - If I make the gym, great. If not, I can put that down as a 'back-to-school' goal. Same with walking the mountain. My walking partner emailed wanting to try to get together, I'm putting her off until school. I'm looking at my 'school' schedule now trying to figure out if we'll be able to meet and walk once a week. I have been walking with this person on and off for almost 8 years - I'm wondering if maybe it's time to shake things up. In some ways, I enjoy the time and walk...in other ways, I think it's time for both of us to move on and grow in other ways.

Need to really think about want I want. I say I'm tired of being grumpy and dissatisfied. Have I allowed myself to sink into a rut because this is 'what I've always done?" Have my routines limited my growth - kept me in a bad place that keeps getting worse? I don't think 'kept me in bad place' is right. My routines have been established over the last 10 years. They served me well at the beginning - but I think I keep trying to force my life into those same routines and my life has changed some. So I think it's time to rethink and change my routines some.

OK - here comes the 'mind plough' again....The next 2 weeks before school starts - I NEED to sit down and think about everything I do and want to do - and see how it fits in. I don't want to overschedule myself (as I tend to do), but I do want to make sure I fit in all the major stuff I want to do. And I may have to realize that I can't do everything I want right now. What's that saying - "You can have ANYTHING you want - but you cannot have EVERYTHING you want." Time to prioritize my life again.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 7/26/2012 (10:38)


CHIGGERCANE
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7/23/12 4:45 P

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Received a chatty, upbeat email from the acquaintance from yesterday - thanking me for such a fun and lovely time together. WTH? Does reality exist? Were the 2 of us in the same universe? She mentioned yesterday that the woman she considers her best friend of 7 years has been acting different since her divorce and she's thinking she needs to take a break from the friendship. As I told my husband - if she's shopping for a new best friend, I don't want the position...

OK - I really need an attitude adjustment. I am tired of being grumpy, dissatisfied, cynical, disappointed (in myself as well as others), scared, frustrated...and I know that everyone around me is more than tired of me as well. Just deleted a rant that really has no bearing on my attitude adjustment.

Attitude. Let's get back to Sandra. If I learned nothing else from her (oh - but I did...) I learned what having attitude meant. The greatest gift she said she ever received was getting cancer. It made her appreciate what was really important in life.

Well, slap me now with that memory Sandra, cause I've obviously not learned my lesson from you. And forgive me for that. I've forgotten what it means to be grateful for what I have - and what I don't have. Towards the end of her life, she told me she was so sorry for what she was doing to her parents. That she couldn't bear to see the pain in their eyes when she was suffering. That caring for others in the midst of her own pain - that was Sandra. Always more concerned for others. Wanting to help someone else. Her teaching me to run - the breathing, the stance, the mental aspect - while she was fighting to stay alive - was one of her gifts to me. And one I feel that I've thrown back in her face.

I know i should just shut up and go run. Do it - now! Why keep talking about it? JUST DO IT!!!! I've let my mind become more powerful than my body.

Take a look in the mirror - a hard look. I don't like who I see anymore. I don't know when i became the person I am. So I need to spend some time honestly thinking about who I am - and who I want to be - and how I can get back to who I was - and grow into who I want to be.



Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 7/23/2012 (17:03)


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7/22/12 11:07 P

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Had some long (and annoying at times) conversations today with a friend/acquaintance. I am not a fan of confrontation. In fact, I detest, abhor, even fear confrontation. I do not like debates - I don't like a "lively discussion about our different beliefs" - especially when it is obvious that 1 of the people involved in the discussion has no intention of listening to what the other person has to say. I don't need to defend my beliefs. I don't need to hear 'the other side'. I see the 'other side' too much in society - and it's not pretty.

UGH! It was supposed to be a fun day with friends. I did not want or need to get into a semi-political, semi-religious, philosophical discussion. Now -all I feel is frustration. And when I get frustrated, why does ice cream and chocolate seem so right?

I truly believe that becoming a hermit is my best option in life right now. Although, that's very hard to do when you have children, a business, and life to deal with. Does everyone feel this sense of ,,,frustration that I feel? What happened to the bright future? The promise of tomorrow?

So sorry - I truly WANT to have an uplifting journal - I just seem to be focusing on the negatives at this point. I read a book one time - "A Complaint Free World." I think I need to look through my bookshelves and see if I can find this little gem and re-read it. Obviously, I have forgotten the message.



CHIGGERCANE
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7/19/12 8:05 P

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"It doesn't matter how many times you've failed. Don't justify your lack of self control; don't deny it; don't accept it; instead, ask for Christ to forgive you and give you His strength."

Message from church today in their daily faith message. I find this message very appropriate - for life in general as well as in the living healthy arena.



CHIGGERCANE
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7/17/12 8:57 P

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Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. How you deal with it is what makes the difference. (paraphrase). So that will become my theme. When did life 'go wrong'? When did life get messy and ugly? When did it become too late/ too hard/too complicated to just 'fix it'? Let's look at the turning points.

August 6, 1996 (8696) The day my best friend died. A two and a half year battle with stomach and esophageal cancer. It started a week after we celebrated her 30th birthday. Laughed about how we 'were old' now. Oh - if she had only had that chance! How I miss her. I promised her that day that I would think about her everyday - and I have. And I thought knowing her had made me a better person. But lately, I've been wondering WTH happened to me and my backbone??? When she was 1st diagnosed, I promised her I would run a race with her - gave her a goal to recover for - gave me a belief I was helping her in some obscure way. And I think it did. Once she recovered from losing 2/3 of her stomach and esophogus, we'd get together and slowly run 3 times a week. i, who had never run in my life, gasping and groaning every step while she, a former college track member, learned how to breathe again and hope that she would be able to run for years to come. When I would mentally argue with myself about stopping versus 'just keep running', thinking of what she did everyday to just survive (and with a great attitude) would give me that extra umph. And we were so happy running my 1st 5K together. I have this great photo of us just after we finished. We laughed and posed for the picture. And then - I felt the lump on her back. And I looked at her - and she looked at me and tearfully admitted that she had known the cancer was back - but didn't want to admit it - wasn't ready to face 'the end'. And so - over the next 22 months, I ran with her when she could - but mostly I ran for her - because I could. I don't know that I ever learned to really LIKE it - I learned to love the feelings I got when I ran - the feeling of accomplishment, of being proud that I overcame myself, the feeling that my friend was with me. As she told me toward the end - she could still feel the wind on her face when she thought about running. I always loved when I'd be out - and the breeze would hit my face and I'd know Sandra was with me.

I guess I've failed her over these last few years. Injuries, getting older, and just plain laziness has taken hold of me mentally and physically. I'm afraid I can't run anymore. And it's the mental aspect more than the physical aspect that bothers me. Running was such a connection for me with Sandra. I could always feel her with me, supporting me, encouraging me, 'take it slow, breathe, keep your head up, go easy on the downhill, you can do this - one step at a time'. Why did I ever stop? And why can't I start again?

I can start again. I will start again. I may be slow and it definitely won't be pretty - but I have to remember what's important. and I have to find it in myself to be who I want to be.



CHIGGERCANE
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7/16/12 5:17 P

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So I've been really good about logging food the last few days. Mistakes and all. Water STILL has been horrible. I think I'll make that my priority for tomorrow. No matter what else happens or doesn't happen - the water goes down.

The last few blogs of RDRICHEL (think I got the name right) really struck me. Made me realize that I have just been trying to get the mechanics down without the emotions. And it feels flat, or incomplete, or fake or something. I joined a forum a few years ago - 1st ever - joined a challenge, got to 'know' some people on line, felt great, was motivated. Opened up emotionally...then things just went wrong. Nothing ever happened to me personally - but 1 person made a comment, someone else took it the wrong way, everyone else jumped all over the person...and I was amazed at how truly nasty people can be. Then a group started a new forum, I went with them, started my own challenge - really did a lot of soul searching about the emotions behind my weight gain, loss of motivation for working out. Had a fairly impressive group of people signed up for the challenge. But then after 2-3 weeks (of an 11 week challenge) - 3/4 of the people disappear. I guess it really only matters to keep moving forward for the ones 'playing along' - don't focus on the chaff that can't stick with it. And we had a GREAT group of 5-6 people at the end. But - it just made me feel 'bad'. I tend to focus on what didn't work out, or end right instead of the success that did happen.

So - I've been afraid to bring out the emotions and have instead been playing it by the 'Simple, Stupid' approach - just eat less calories than you take in and exercise every day. For me, even if that is the true way to get it done (and I know it is) - there's so much more going on for me. So, I'm gonna have to start delving into the emotions and CRAP.

SO - I'll have to get back in the mood to delve into my emotions. There's been a lot going on the last 3 years. UGH.



CHIGGERCANE
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7/14/12 9:41 A

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Logged food the last couple days - much lighter than I expected. either I'm forgetting what I'm eating or underestimating my amounts. Will work on this.

Water needs to improve also.

Made a big batch of ratatouille this am - simmering on stove now. Not sure how long it will last with husband and older son being in the house. Farmers market is on Tuesday am so I can make another batch then. My tomatoes are finally coming in, so that will help.

Trying to get mentally ready for wheat reduction. Took weight this am - will measure (maybe).

Got early am walk in with dogs this morning. Not far but at least I was out there. We'll see if I can get in some weights this weekend.



CHIGGERCANE
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7/13/12 9:52 A

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Walked last nite instead of gym or elliptical. I did get the elliptical moved to a new location, cleaned up the basement so I can start working out again down there.

I broke the fast food rule. WHY! At least I only ate a kids meal - but still. OK - get over it - stop focusing on it. Move on. I can make the rest of the month.

Back on track today. Going to start the wheat ramp down today. Yea!! I hope I can tell a difference quickly. I'm looking for joint improvement, better mood, clearer thinking more so than weight loss. Altho the weight loss sure would be nice!

Ran into a old high school acquaintance last nite on the walk. interesting. We just exchanged hello's. When did we become our mothers??? LOL



CHIGGERCANE
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7/12/12 9:30 A

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Mon nite - did the walk again - it was steamy and I worked up a seat. My shins were aching - I guess the treadmill did something to me Mon morning. Took Tuesday off - Weds am was dog agility for 2 hours. I can't really count that as cardio...but at least I was moving around. This morning, I'm getting some office work done. I'll get to the gym or do the elliptical sometime today - no excuses!

Started tracking food again today. Can't promise how long that will last. It's a time consuming process. I guess it has value - pin points problem areas, makes me conscious of what I'm doing...but I can see where it can be an obsession. Hopefully I can keep it up - especially WHEN I try the low/no wheat thing starting Sunday.

Interesting news article about the chicken antibiotics. I've been told by a couple doctors to not eat so much chicken due to the inflammatory nature of chicken - my 'digestively-challenged' dog's vet just mentioned that to me Tuesday. Says we need to cut back on his chicken intake. OK - gonna try to get back to turkey instead of chicken also this next week and see what happens. I need to schedule another doctor visit for my hip bursitis and tendonitis - I think one more cortisone shot is needed to get me back on the mend.



CHIGGERCANE
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7/9/12 5:55 P

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Hit the gym today. Alternated walking and jogging on treadmill for 25 mins. Then did upper body weight workout. Been a long time since I worked up a sweat at the gym. So glad I made it.

Eating has been ok today - except for the 4 BIG cookies and chex mix I ate. At least the cookies are gone and the chex mix will be gone as my younger son is now eating the last of that. I can tell I have had way too much sodium today.

Breakfast was spinach omelet, lunch was fresh tomato, romane lettuce and tuna. Snacks were the cookies and chex mix. I'm not sure what dinner is...I guess I should be figuring that out instead of doing this - as we have to leave in 1 hour to get somewhere. Water has been a little off - need to go down some more. I may get another walk in tonight...or not - it's awfully hot and humid here. We'll see. I'm taking my shoes - and I have not changed out of my workout clothes since this morning (lovely). I started working as soon as I got home and just stopped to take son to training. Ran errands while he was in training. Now, back home.

OK - time to get something together for dinner.



CHIGGERCANE
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7/7/12 9:19 P

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I did get that walk in. And felt much better afterwards. Walked yesterday and just got done with a walk tonight.

So far no adverse reactions to new BP med. Been drinking water and very weak white tea today. Good eating habits today - although too many wheat products. The chapters I read last night in Wheat Belly were interesting -links to allergic reactions, inflammation, etc. My youngest son heads off to week long camp next week - I think a very conscious effort to go wheat free is in store for me and husband.

My dad is having some heart blockage. He had quadruple by-pass surgery 15 years ago and they told him then that the by-pass typically lasts 15 years. They can't do another. They are putting him on new meds and wanting him to go to cardiac rehab (forced exercise). After he had his bypass, he didn't change his eating or exercise habits. I don't want to be in his shoes in the years to come. I've always had relatively healthy eating habits...I think it's really time to focus on cleaning up my diet. Make good choices. Again, I've always been relatively active...it's time to be more structured. This is my life...why am I screwing around with it?





CHIGGERCANE
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7/5/12 3:46 P

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5 days into July - and I'm on track for 'NO FAST FOOD'...I must admit that's really not that great an achievement considering ...no, wait - I'm trying to be positive. That's a great accomplishment!!! Keep it up for 26 more days!

Haven't had a lot of reading time to keep getting into Wheat Belly, but the little I've read, it repeats and repeats and repeats the same message - modified wheat is bad for you. Got it - now give me some practical, applicable advice and instructions. or - use my own brain and figure out how to remove wheat from my diet. I've done low/no gluten for a few days before. I can do it again. It just takes some planning on my part.

Exercise (the formal type) has been pretty slack so far this entire summer. Intentions don't matter if they are not followed up by action! I KNOW that...so why don't I do something about it? Life, that's why. Cause the kids, the house, work, the dogs, obligations...and then I just want to relax both my brain and my body. Boy - where'd the positive attitude go? OK - sorry for the self pity rant. I need to do some flylady logic and work the blessings of my obligations.

Went for a physical Monday - my blood pressure is too high again - changed medicine. We'll see if I have any adverse reaction to this med. Hope not. Got ANOTHER doctor telling me not to try to run again. I know I should listen to them. She asked me "Do you love running that much?" No - I don't. I love what running does for my body. And I love the positive reinforcement I get mentally from running. (Guess I should be honest - jogging...) I'm terrified that I physically can't jog/run anymore. And what THAT means. I'm too young to be that old. SIGH.

Well....I meant to be positive today. I wanted to be positive. I hate that this post is turning negative. SO...I will close. And I will change into my running shoes. and I will WALK. Yes - WALK at a 'brisk' pace (as my doctor instructed) and see if that improves my attitude.



CHIGGERCANE
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6/26/12 3:45 P

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Thanks for the support and visits!!! So exciting to see people visiting. Reminds me of when I used to get actual mail in the mailbox when I was a kid. Guess I'm showing my age. emoticon

I started Wheat Belly last night. Didn't get too far into it. I don't want to skim over it too fast and miss the message. Well, I guess I already KNOW the message...but I really want to GET IT this time.

The last few days of June will be spent organizing and prepping my mind for July. I've had a goal for the last year - one month with NO FAST FOOD. I have not made that goal. That's a very sad statement. I think I went 2 years in college with no fast food - and several years after that with little to no fast food. Do I need to be poor again??? Is that what it takes? I have tried to not carry cash in my purse, hoping that would impede me. But with everyone taking credit cards now, it didn't help. I'm not sure I can get to the point where I drive around without cash or a credit card...but maybe. OR - maybe I just need to be an adult and act responsibly and do what I know I should do. Or not do what I know I shouldn't do. Wow - what a concept. Sarcasm is such a fun thing. I guess my goal for July - take responsibility for my choices - and make better choices.

'Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.' Read that last week - but can't remember where. Wheat Belly mind....



GRAPHICS2
Posts: 2,587
6/25/12 10:16 P

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Dont give up, You can always start againemoticon



DOWNEASTSUNRISE
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6/24/12 12:30 P

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I def need my husbands support!!! I cant do it without him. He doesnt get the need for food but he tries.



 Pounds lost: 67.4 
 
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DOWNEASTSUNRISE
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6/24/12 12:29 P

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healthy eating for the family is the only way!



 Pounds lost: 67.4 
 
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DOWNEASTSUNRISE
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6/24/12 12:29 P

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hear ya!!! I slipped and 2 months and 7 lbs later Im getting bak on track starting today!



 Pounds lost: 67.4 
 
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CHIGGERCANE
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6/22/12 5:56 P

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June 22...HOW did that happen? This month has flown by and I must admit my best intentions got thrown out the window as I just tried to get through each day. So - STARTING today...regroup and start again.

I CAN do this. I WILL do this.



SAXY1971
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6/5/12 12:40 P

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Hey there! It's great to have household support--I'm working on getting my fiancé on board with making healthier choices, but he wants to go low-carb while I want to do calorie-counting. It's a struggle to get on the same page! :)

Keep up with the good effort, and take it day by day! I'm trying to do that myself--it just seems when I have a few days of eating clean, I am tempted to mess it all up over a bad food choice (mostly on Fridays, when we would normally go out for a fish fry.) emoticon

Lisa


 current weight: 212.0 
 
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CHIGGERCANE
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6/1/12 8:24 A

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June 1 - a new month - a new beginning. Aren't the beginnings of months GREAT?!

My husband suggested last night that we (together) make an effort to tighten up our eating. YEA! Altho he has much better willpower than I do - I think if we're on board together, I can do this. Starchy carbs once a day only. No fast food. Lots of veggies and fruit.

Took weight today. Want to do pics. Start the journal again. We'll see how July 1 feels!



JIBBIE49
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5/27/12 7:49 A

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emoticonDon't quit.



 current weight: 172.4 
 
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CHIGGERCANE
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5/9/12 1:40 P

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Self Sabotage master here. After swearing to not eat fast food...I have it 2 x today. I really don't know why. Husband is out of town, I was running late, I was out running errands...excuses, excuses. I know. Learn and move on.

The rest of the day can be successful. I just need to make the effort.



JIBBIE49
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5/8/12 5:19 P

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Don't quit. Most everyone who starts a diet does.



 current weight: 172.4 
 
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CHIGGERCANE
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5/8/12 12:31 P

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I initially started Blogging, but I think I should be Journaling instead. 20 Months til I hit a milestone birthday. Can I be where I want to be weight-wise by that momentous birthday deadline...OR - could I even hit that weight BEFORE then??? What a concept. Why wait? emoticon

Today, I did my mountain walk. Weather wise, pretty nasty - so we went up and down only, no additional trail walking. And, we did WALK down the mountain instead of jogging. I was a little bummed about that, but my walking partner has a few pains and aches right now. It's ok. I have a few pains myself that it's probably better I took it slow. Eating is on track - mostly. Water is going great today.

I need to get some work done and then head out for errands. No time to waste. There's only 2.5 weeks til school is out for summer....emoticon



 
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