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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
3/9/11 3:48 P

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I got a phone call yesterday telling me that the company I was working for was "caught up" with the work and didn't need me anymore. In one aspect, it really scares me because I have absolutely no money now. In another aspect, the job and the people drove me crazy. It was a terribly boring job and the girl I worked under always criticized me. (That did give me a complex, though.) As you can see, I'm going back and forth about the situation. One minute I'm fine; the next, I'm anxious and depressed. Somehow something will have to turn up. I just don't know how.

What bothers me the most is that I gave up a guaranteed 13-week job for this one that lasted 2 weeks and one day. And I really feel like I can't do anything right. Who's going to hire me and keep me?

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
3/1/11 5:49 P

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I feel like my mood has been a little down lately and I can't quite put my finger on why. I don't know if my job situation is part of it. I do the same thing all day three days a week. One of the girls I work with doesn't talk to me at all except to snip at me for asking a question or doing something not quite her way. Another girl talks to herself all the time and is quite the airhead. And I don't know my schedule from day to day. And as for getting paid, I'm still not sure if and when that will happen. I've got a job interview on Thursday and really hope I can get this position, but don't know if I'm quite completely qualified and it is farther away. I'd be spending more money and time commuting to work.

I'm also not sure what to think of my relationship with Tim. He went on days saying he would be able to see me more and that has not happened. I was ready to head out the door Friday and he said he was going to pass on seeing me until Saturday. But then we enjoyed each other's company Saturday and Sunday.

Just know I've got to improve the attitude.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
2/27/11 6:06 P

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I had such a confusing and depressing week this week. I couldn't get in touch with or find the employment agency. I don't know if I will get paid for the 3 days I worked or not. The office keeps changing my days on me and has me only on 3 days after all. The girl that I work under isn't very pleasant (but she did lose her sister last week). The work I am doing keeps me busy but it is so very tedious and boring. I almost overdrew my bank account. I went over my minutes on my phone BIG TIME. And Tim decided he didn't feel up to seeing me Friday.

BUT I stayed home Friday and played Scrabble with Sherry and Daryl. The night in and a good night sleep made me feel a little better. And Tim did feel guilty and took me out to dinner and a movie yesterday. I went to church this morning and back out to dinner with Tim today. So, I'm feeling more positive and motivated right now. I'm just hoping it will last the week.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
2/21/11 2:58 P

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We got 10" of snow last night and it's COLD! I start my new job in the morning. I found out I will get to work four days this week instead of three, which is great! And maybe next week I will work five days. emoticon

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
2/19/11 1:27 P

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That employment company called me again wanting me to start next Tuesday. The gentleman then told me I'd need to come to an office at 14 and Mound to sign some papers either yesterday or Monday, I decided to go yesterday just to check the place out. I could not find the place. I even called twice. He then told me he'd bring the papers to me on Tuesday. I don't know what to think. I'm a little hesitant at this point. It's more hours and more money than the other job, but...do they really have their act together? I don't want to get burned but I feel like I need to give it another shot. I guess I will find out on Tuesday.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
2/15/11 5:37 P

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I got a call last night from an employment agency that got my resume from Michigan Works. The guy said a company right by my house had a 3-day-a-week job that needed someone to start today. I told him I'd take the job. I got up, dressed and went there this morning thinking I had the job. The lady I reported to came out and told me that the agency was supposed to send someone only if the usual worker didn't show up this morning, and she had. It just took the wind right out of my sails. I'm having a little trouble getting over this event. But, I did come home and put in 10 applications on line. And I got to go to a job interviewing session at the employment office that gave out a lot of good information. So...I just have to keep plugging along.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
2/13/11 9:56 P

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I had such high hopes last week for getting a job and nothing has panned out so far. I'm getting discouraged rather quickly and know I need to snap out of it and keep a positive attitude. I will go to bed soon and hopefully be raring to go again in the morning.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
2/10/11 3:47 P

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I've had 3 job interviews in 3 days. The first one (that I took on Wednesday, is only 20 hours a week and pays minimum wage for 13 weeks) wants me to go on line and take their tests. So, I guess that means that if I pass, they will hire me for these 13 weeks. MAYBE they will have an opening after that. I will do this while I am waiting on the other two job interview answers. I have to have some kind of money coming in, even if it's just for a little while. But I sure am hoping the one today will call. It's not too far away, pays $13 to start and seems a whole lot more interesting than just filing and answering phones. Wish me luck.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
2/8/11 9:15 A

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I was all set to go to an "empowerment" class at the Michigan Works office this afternoon. I just got a call from them saying I have a 2 pm job interview with a company that they set me up with. I'm glad I have the interview and even more glad that someone thought to call me and tell me. It's only part time to begin with, and it doesn't pay much, but it's a job and I need any money that I can get. So...I hope I'm lucky.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
2/7/11 11:04 A

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I've got a couple things on my list crossed off. But it's already 11, and there's still so much more to do. I must get motivated.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
2/6/11 6:18 P

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I feel like I need to organize my life today. I need to feel like I accomplish something every day. I did well in my shopping endeavors by checking the sale fliers before going out to do my shopping. I also thought long and hard about buying some bargains I came across and decided against the impulse buying. I'm now going to finish cleaning the oven. Then I'm going to sit down and plan out the week as much as I can. I'm anxious to see if this makes me feel better about myself.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
2/5/11 11:26 A

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I went to the dentist today for my 6-month check-up. My suspicions about have TMJ were confirmed. Now I just have to wait to find out how much the insurance company will cover.

I'm in one of those antsy moods where I feel like doing something - I just don't know what. I don't like this feeling because it usually means I do something like spend money that I don't have to spend.



God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
2/3/11 12:40 P

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I talked to a girlfriend last night that I hadn't talked to in awhile. We were once very close. She was having a depressing day and I could just feel the conversation trying to bring me down. I love her like a sister, but now realize that I must be careful when I talk to her. I had been depressed for a long time, it took me a long time to get out of it, and I don't want to go down that path again any time soon.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
2/1/11 12:32 P

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When I got up this morning, water had backed up into the kitchen sink and the dishwasher. All morning was spent putting in new pipes and cleaning up. At least I wasn't bored or eating while doing all that!

Tomorrow, the town gets to deal with blizzard conditions. Thank goodness that I don't have to go anywhere, but my daughter's boss is pitching a fit wanting her there. It makes me want to go in there myself and say something to him - just being a mom and wanting my daughter safe and sound.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
1/31/11 3:20 P

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I woke up early this morning feeling positive and motivated. I got some exercises in, a mile walk, a load of laundry and some ironing done before anyone else got up.

I spent the morning doing all the errands I could think of that I wanted to do for the next few days. The weathermen are predicting a snowstorm with about 16" of snow falling between tonight and Wednesday morning. I only have one more errand tonight - running an Avon order to my sister. It made me feel good that I accomplished what I set out to do.

I had a pre-interview for an internship through the Michigan Employment Office. It was also an interview on making each other aware of my needs and weaknesses. It was hard being honest, but I think the reason I don't get the jobs that I go on interviews for is the fact that I tend to be quiet and can't quite toot my own horn loudly and confidently enough. The lady interviewing said the best way to overcome that is to (like I had to guess) practice, practice, practice. So, I'm going to use some time over these next few snow days to research and practice. I'll probably be using my grandkitty as a listening partner, but at least I know she won't give me any negative feedback.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
1/27/11 8:35 A

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I feel like I'm getting discouraged, despite my trying to stay busy and look for jobs on the internet, etc. I'm still trying to get on some kind of schedule - it seems to be a bit difficult, but it's something I want to do. I don't want to fall into having nothing to do and no motivation. I think that will make matters worse.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
1/24/11 11:58 A

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Well, it's the official start of trying to find another job. I just filled out the paperwork for unemployment. Whoopee!

I have to get used to my 3rd schedule change in a week and a half. I've been up to my eyeballs in paperwork that I needed to catch up on. And I haven't even made a dent in it. Then to catch up on housework! Yippee! I don't have any work excuses now, though. I just need to take one day at a time.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
1/18/11 10:17 A

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I've been working the North American International Auto Show. Three days down, three more to go. It keeps me very busy and at least it's a little more money coming in. I just worry about what I will do afterwords.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
1/12/11 2:36 P

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Day three of my last week at work is as slow as the first two. I went to walk at a store for lunch. I ended up spending $10.00 - not the best of moves, but it was something I did need. All of my sweatshirts were given to me at least ten years ago. I finally broke down and bought one BRAND NEW. At least the price was right. But I really need to get a handle on spending since I don't know when the money will be coming in again.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
1/11/11 6:08 P

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I have completed day two of my last week at work. Yes, I'm stressed about it. Yes, I've been filling out applications and setting up appointments with people who can help. I am glad I'm doing something to relieve the situation, but I still don't feel very confident or good about myself right now.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
1/6/11 5:57 P

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Ray sent a package to my mother's house addressed to her. There was a note to her that definitely tried to get her sympathy. Everything else was for me: some junk mail, my college diploma, a baseball cap and two books that he had read and wrapped up for me for Christmas and our anniversary. One is "Depression for Dummies" and the other is about people who are abusive or are abused in relationships. The cards were nice, but I know they were not from the heart and the little notes on them about the books didn't help. I threw the cards and the hat away and the books in the closet. The whole package definitely unnerved me.

Right after the phone call about the package, Tim called me. He's buying me a 2006 Chevy Malibu for my birthday. How can I thank him for this?

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
12/31/10 1:40 P

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I can't help but take stock of the past year the day before New Year's. Things have come a long way since this time last year. It was the day after my surgery and I was absolutely miserable. I had a long recovery (of which Ray was no help nor did he understand).

My sitting at home not being able to do much of anything started me on my way of taking stock in my life. I realized I wasn't in a place that I wanted to be. It took some planning and some guts on my part, but I made it up to Michigan.

Ray never understood my reasoning, nor did he want to try to make things better. It was all about the stress I put him under and how he would have to be more strict with me "when" I got back.

He hasn't really tried to contact me at all. But he sure is good at spreading lies about me. That part hurt the most.

But I'm gradually getting stronger and more confident. I know that I will get some more training this coming year and I will get more physically fit. I will sort out my belongings and my cobwwebs in my head and have a better year next year.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
12/27/10 6:16 P

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My van crapped out on me. I've been using Tim's van while we decide what to do with it. I smelled something funny on the way home and don't know what it is. Then I heard something either hit the front of the van or a belt break. But it seemed to continue to run fine the rest of the way home. He's been so good to me by letting me use it, I hope nothing has happened to it.

It's good to have him in my life. I'm really appreciating the fact that someone wants to take care of me. I don't know where it will go from here. I will just have to wait and see - take it one day at a time.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
12/14/10 5:56 P

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I hate Michigan winters! 6.3" of snow fell on Sunday and most of it turned to ice. The majority of the roads are still terrible. My car wouldn't start this morning - I need to get a new battery but won't be able to have someone install it until 7 am tomorrow. I hope it starts to get me there. This little jaunt will make me late for work. I'm trying so hard to not let it get me down but it's a struggle.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
12/11/10 6:58 P

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I've got my shopping and wrapping done - all except one thing that was ordered today and will be in before Christmas. The house is finally decorated. Sherry had a slightly hard time doing that at one point: the ghosts of Christmases Past had her a little down.

I made it through my first driving in snow yesterday. There's a bigger storm coming that will start tonight as rain. That one has me nervous - I have to be at church because it will be my first time as a greeter. I'm trying not to worry, but....I'm so out of practice.

I can't believe Christmas is almost here. I think I'm as ready mentally as I'm going to get. I hope the DH doesn't do anything stupid and show up or something. I haven't talked to him since the beginning of July and I'd like to keep it that way. That would definitely put me in a bad mood.

I'm getting ready to go out to dinner. I'm looking forward to a very nice night.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
12/3/10 6:25 P

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My oldest daughter and her husband came in for Thanksgiving. I was "given" the week off of work for lack of work, so I was able to have everything ready before they arrived. The time went by so fast. It was really hard to tell her goodbye. I don't know when I'll see her again.

My youngest is strongly considering moving to Nova Scotia. I don't want her to go. I'm used to having at least one of my girls near me. I know it's selfish, but it's truthful.

Work has gotten so boring that it's a struggle to not go crazy. But I will take every hour that I work because I know that any day may very well be my last. Then the fun of finding another job will begin.

The holidays are stressful, anyway. But all this extra stress is not helping. My ADD is a problem with added stress, so that adds to the stress. But, I am going to take one day at a time and try to enjoy the holidays as best I can. I do have a new friend that I think will be very good for me this year.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
11/24/10 4:04 P

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I am so aggravated with my ADD. I feel like I will never be able to do things well. I will always screw something up. I do anyway.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
11/23/10 2:19 P

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I had a nice weekend. I went to dinner with Tim on Saturday and to a movie with him on Sunday. It's a nice feeling to know someone likes me just for me.

Yesterday, I had no energy. I kept taking little naps. I don't know if I had a touch of something or if it was because of my change in ADD medicine or if I just needed a lazy day.

I'm doing better today. I've done the ironing and all my exercises. Daryl and I ran to all the stores that the girls wanted us to go to. Now, I just need to clean the house, wrap presents, and go for a walk. I hope I have the energy for all of that.

Sunday, we had a potluck dinner at church. That was nice and it gave me a chance to talk to more of the parishioners. I get a good feeling there - not quite the same as Epiphany: that church was special. But, I think I'll make some good friendships there.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
11/20/10 3:37 P

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Work gave me next week off for lack of the powers that be being able to find something for me to do. It bothers me that there's only a couple of us that they do that to. Why not just have us all take a day off and plan what needs to be done then? That would make too much sense. I guess there's only a couple weeks left anyway. So, I'm stressing about money already. I will keep plugging away, I suppose.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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11/13/10 3:42 P

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I've had a very stressful week this past week and it hasn't ended yet. I've had the receptionist at my doctor's office yell at me, the lady from DHR has been calling 4 and 5 times a day asking a question I don't have an answer to, the printer at the library was broke when I went in to print something today, and tonight I get to help my niece watch her Grandmother with Alzheimer's. I can't wait for tomorrow afternoon to come so I can have some me time.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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11/6/10 5:02 P

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Sherry went out and won't be back until the morning. I stayed busy all morning and afternoon. I went to church for a ceremony in which three parishioners became priests and one became a deacon. It was the first time I've been to a ceremony like that and it was very moving.

I stopped at a couple arts & crafts shows on the way home. I got Christmas kitchen towels for the girls and a Christmas Stocking for Lulu.

After that, I passes out some Avon books and shopped at the dollar store. Definitely got my exercise in today.

When I came home, the house seemed so quiet. What's it going to be like when Sherry leaves? Not that we spend all that much time together, but we still do. I really don't do much with anyone else. I was hoping by now I'd maybe meet a new friend or at least rekindle some old friendships. Nope. Just making me feel a little lonely right now.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
11/3/10 6:03 P

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I'm still feeling positive, but I do have a couple things I've been thinking about a lot lately. The first is the fact that I think my job will be ending very soon. It seems like a lot of the work is being wrapped up.

The second thing on my mind is what I am going to do about my marriage. I want to end it, but it will take $2500.00 that I don't have. And I really don't know that my husband will follow the judgement. He has a way of not living up to any of his responsibilities, especially when it comes to giving up some money. I may never see the money awarded to me. But, if I don't file, I will at least be on his insurance and possibly get something if something happens to him. I know it sounds terrible, but that's really the way he is. At one point, he sent all my mail back thinking companies would write off the debt if they couldn't find me.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
10/25/10 9:02 P

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I've been feeling a little more positive lately. I just hope it lasts.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
10/22/10 6:46 A

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My back still gives me problems. But then the weather is changing and raining a lot. I've been better about not falling asleep on the couch, and I'm hoping that will help. I'm still not getting enough sleep. There's been just too much to do lately.

I know the clock is ticking on my job. It's just a matter of days before they tell me that there's no more work for me. The bad things about that are: my food stamps may very well get cut off, I don't have another job lined up, and I don't have any money saved up. At least I did get a few Christmas presents already.



God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
10/16/10 5:16 P

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My back has been giving me spasms all week. I don't know if it's because I fall asleep on the couch most times. Or it could be my walking at lunch without my tennis shoes on. Or today it could be because I went out from 2:50 to 4:30 passing out Avon books.

Sherry wants me to spend the night at Gram's tonight. I don't mind. I guess I've gotten into a habit every morning of waking up and doing my exercises, getting on the computer, then taking a walk. I do make it to church most Sundays. Being at my mother's throws that off a bit. But Sherry seemed bummed when I told her my back hurts, so I guess that means I'll be going to my mother's.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
10/12/10 8:04 A

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I withnessed an accident yesterday while I was out walking. I did stay with the lady who's car was hit and talked with her to calm her down until the police came. How she got hit was so weird. The car was hit right where the back bumper hooked onto the right side of the car. The bumper popped off all except the left side where it bolted into the car. Nothing else looked damaged.

I had been thinking of Bob and Mary a lot the last few days. So, I called yesterday. Tar Baby was attacked by a large dog the Saturday before Labor Day and had to be put down. I couldn't help but cry. He was my kitty son-in-law and did find Mishka for me the time she accidentally got outside. I was really the only person outside of the family that he would let come up and talk to and pet. It made me want to go down all the more and get Mishka. She's mad at Ray and Nick's not there much. I should have just taken her up here to begin with.



God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
10/9/10 12:25 P

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I had another bad day yesterday. There was nothing to do at work all afternoon. About 3:00, my supervisor came in and told me I could have Monday off to give them time to find a project for us temporary workers; then she added Tuesday. I asked the temp in the next office if the supervisor had talked to her and she said no.

That really brought me down. I still take everything to heart and took it as I haven't been working up to their standards. So, I was in a bad mood last night.

But I got a good night's sleep and that always seems to help. I'm thinking of having a "Holiday Avon Party" but know I will have to run that by Sherry first. In the back of my mind, I keep thinking that no one will come. My attitude towards myself is so hard to change. I do have an appointment with Linda on Tuesday, and I will discuss this with her. I'm beginning to think I will never get off some of this medicine.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
10/5/10 9:34 P

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I am not in my new schedule yet and I can really tell it - my ADD is acting up and I hate it. I'm getting ready to go to bed early to see if that helps. Since everything else is off, I feel like I'm getting a little depressed again. Gotta snap out of it.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
10/2/10 7:04 P

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I found out yesterday that the computer system was screwing up and had deleted a couple other girls' data off the desktop. It was a relief to know that it wasn't something I had done wrong.

I was really tired at lunch. I sat in the car and fell asleep for almost an hour. I was surprised no one said anything to me. I went to bed early, but woke up about 1:30 with bad dreams. I finally fell back asleep at about 6:30 and woke up about 9.

It's been cold and rainy all day. I got really tired about 4 o'clock and slept until about 5:30. I can't believe I've been sleeping like that. I don't know if it's just the combination of trying to get used to work and the cold weather, or what.

I know Sherry was sick a few weeks ago. I know I wouldn't have caught anything from her. But I'm beginning to wonder if I picked up something from someone else.

I got my first paychecks today. I spent one on a bill and a little set aside for tomorrow when my mother and I go to a casino in Windsor, Ontario. I had teased her about not taking me because she had gone quite a few times with my sisters, but acted like she didn't want me to go. I didn't think she'd actually want me to go. Oh, well, I can always people watch as opposed to wasting my money.

I checked on filing a divorce in Michigan as opposed to Alabama. The lawyer in Alabama has really dropped the ball. He said it would be at least two more years and a total of $2500. In Michigan, I have to come up with $1300 and would have my divorce probably within 90 days. That sounds like the way to go. I just have to tighted that belt and do everything I can to come up with that money before that job ends. If I can sell some of the things my mom has in her basement and some of the things Sherry has, I might me able to at least come close. Maybe then, my sister can lend me the rest.

I just am afraid of what Ray is doing right now and don't want him to hide his money. Even the counselor says he dosn't have a clear mind and could do just about anything. All I want is a little money to start over by buying this condo.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
9/30/10 10:10 P

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It's been a day that has not gone right and it's making me feel inferior. I spent my morning entering data into the computer. After my lunchtime walk, I came back to find out my file was gone. So, I had to re-enter all the data again. I was supposed to meet a guy for dinner. He never showed up. That didn't help my day any! I'm going to bed and hoping that tomorrow will be better.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
9/30/10 6:34 A

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I like my new job. The only downfall is that it will only last two months. But that's two months of a paycheck! It did make me realize that the generic Adderal wasn't working for me - my ADD was very obvious to me. So, I'm back on the Strattera until the counselor talks to the doctor.

I've met a guy named Marco and we actually had a second date. I get the feeling that it will probably end here though. I haven't heard from him since our date on Saturday. At least I got out of the house a couple times. This did do me some good, if nothing else.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
9/21/10 9:51 P

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Yesterday, I went to work for a pasta production company. My body wasn't meant to do production work. I am definitely a little sore today. When I got off of work, I turned my phone back on and had a message that I got a data entry job for a hospital. I start tomorrow and I can't wait! My first job in 17 months!

I realize that I will take some time to get used to working. But, at this point in time, I am ready for the challenge.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
9/15/10 2:51 P

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Today is going smoother than yesterday, but I still feel that I am playing catch-up on yesterday's work. Eventually, I'm sure I'll at least get the important tasks done. All the other ones will just keep getting re-posted to my to-do sheet.

I called yesterday and know that I may still be in the running for those two jobs I interviewed for last week. One is close, but a production job in a union company. The other is farther away, but I think my back would like that one much more.

At least I was able to tell a lady from church that I won't be pursuing a job with her at Primerica. She was getting a little pushy about it, and I don't have a good feeling about the company set-up. I don't like the idea of having to pay for them to train me and pay again every month to use their software program. The name of the game there is to talk people into joining the company and talk John Q. Public into buying different products. I'm not a salesperson.

I'm still trying to get into the habit of writing 5 good things about me every night in my journal. I am trying harder to do that as of this very moment.

I think I'm doing fairly well at attempting to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. At least now I know I'm more aware of the negativity and am refusing to listen to it more often.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
9/14/10 4:36 P

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I woke up late this morning. I was late to my 10 am meeting only to find out that it had been cancelled and no one called to tell me. I then went to the bank, only to find out the lobby was closed until 11, but the drive-thru was open. I went to the post office to mail a priority mail package only to realize I brought the stuff to be mailed but not the tape.

People were calling me leaving vague messages. When I called back, I either had to leave another message or find out that what they wanted was so easy.

I haven't gotten all my walking in, and I can tell a difference. I would go now, but a lady from church talked me into going to a work meeting where someone tells you a little about the company hoping you will join the company. (I think they sell software programs to help with budgeting and things like that. I am not a salesperson, but told her I would go just to get her to stop pestering me about it.)

This is definitely a day that I wish would have gone smoother. But I guess it will make me appreciate it all the more when I do have a smooth day.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
9/13/10 8:08 A

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I had a good, relaxing day yesterday. I can't really say I accomplished anything you could see. But I did spend some quality time with family and friends. I felt lazy to a point and at the same time knew that it's important to have a day like that every once in awhile.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
9/11/10 5:33 P

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I had a great afternoon with my daughter today! We went walking and to the mall. We didn't really get anything spectacular - it was just so nice to spend the time with her.

She's thinking of moving and that really makes me sad and anxious. My other daughter lives in Alabama and I love them terribly! I'm not sure how I'm going to handle this, especially if I can't see them for the holidays. God give me strength!

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
9/11/10 9:51 A

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Because of all the stresses in my life right now, my doctor and I decided it's best that I stay on the 80 mg of Geodon right now and maybe start to cut down on another medication.

I still do not have employment. A couple prospects are out there, but prospects are not paying the bills.

My daughter is at a stage in her life where she has to make a difficult decision. This has also be weighing heavily on me.

Whenever my stress level rises, I tend to gain water weight. So, I feel a couple pounds heavier, and more miserable because of the weight. It's a vicious cycle that I am in right now.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
9/6/10 10:28 A

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I am starting off feeling more at peace with myself. I got up at 5:30, ate, did my exercises, and then went for my walk. It rained a little when I first started out and then. I don't know why I feel more at peace right now, but I will accept it. It has been too long since I have felt this way.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
9/5/10 2:39 P

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I know I have to stay on the 80 mg of Geodon. I called the doctor's office but have yet to hear back.

I have been so depressed and discouraged as I keep trying to find a job. It makes me feel that I'm not smart enough to even get the jobs that I know I am overqualified for.

I have to keep trying to find a job, though. My attitude has got to change from negative to positive. I think my negativity may be starting to show through. My #1 goal this week is to work on that.

I've been helping my niece clean and organize her room. It's taking longer than we both first anticipated, but I think we may be in the homestretch. We know we want to paint, but I think the lack ofi money will prevent that for awhile.
At least this project gives me something to do. I'm going a little crazy sitting in the condo with just the cat.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 125,153
9/3/10 8:15 A

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The doctor is trying to lower my dose of Geodon. I usually take 80 mg at night. The first time, he lowered it to 40 mg. I'd not sleep that much and about 2 pm, I'd become so tired I was almost comatose. After two days of that, I started taking the 80 mg again.

The second time, the dose got lowered to 60 mg. I didn't sleep good and I noticed that I felt more depressed. Sometimes the depression was pretty bad.

So, the last two nights, I have been taking the 80 mg again. I noticed a big improvement in my sleep and mood. So, I will have to call the doctor's office again and tell them what's going on. Maybe I'm meant to stay on that to stabilize my moods. Maybe I need to hang in there and wean myself off of them.

Heaven knows I could use the money for something else. I am so broke and so desperate for a job. I really am running out of ideas on where to put applications in.

I know I really can't clean houses anymore. In just the few hours a day that I help my niece get her room organized, my back is hurting. I'm not sure how I would do waitressing again for the same reason - how will my back react?

I know God will eventually give me an answer. I'm just literally running out of time and money. This is also holding Sherry up from what she and Daryl want to do. And that's not fair to them. Please let me come up with an answer before I drive myself crazy.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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