PATTYKLAVER's Journal

Posts: 81,333
5/18/13 7:18 A

I did some running around yesterday morning and got home about noon. Went to church, the bank, Rite Aid and the thrift store. I bought some more books and a red shirt to wear Sunday. I got $50.00 loaded onto my Rite Aid card by getting two prescriptions filled. So I get to go back this morning and spend it. Not sure what all I will spend it on, but I am sure I can do it.

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5/17/13 7:41 A

Today's the only day this week where I don't have lots to do. I do have to be at church at 9 to do the altar. Already wiped all the woodwork when I did the pews yesterday. I couldn't get up this morning. I hit snooze 3 times. Finally Lulu came up and started hitting my nose. The computer acted up this morning., It's done that a couple times this week already.

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5/16/13 7:59 A

I was busy yesterday. I had trouble with the computer and had to have Tim help me with it. I went to the luncheon for Muriel. It was okay, but not worth $20.00. I dropped off a bag of clothes at Salvation Army. Most of it was stuff I had tried on just before the luncheon. I then stopped at Value World and found 4 pairs of pants. One of them is too big. I will have to hem 2 of them after I wash them. I did finally get my oil changed. I like the convenience of Uncle Ed's, but being a chain, they're required to try to sell me all sorts of services. Sounds great in theory, but who has the money? I then had to fit in my walk and cycling. I finally got done about 6. Didn't get bored yesterday.

I want to finish wiping down the pews before the service on Saturday. I can go today before or after my appointment with Dr. Klein, or I can do it after setting the altar at 9 tomorrow morning. I know I probably won't get in my exercises first thing tomorrow morning, so I am debating.

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5/15/13 7:49 A

The morning went by quickly. I went to the Bible class at church and cleaned the room that I said I would. I went to therapy. The rest of the day seemed to go by slowly. I go to a luncheon today where Muriel will be honored. Other than that, the day is wide open. It's supposed to be 80 today so a walk is definitely in order.

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5/14/13 7:41 A

Got a bit done yesterday. Tim doesn't feel good. I'm having problems with my computer. It keeps playing ads and I don't know why. It's very annoying.

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5/13/13 7:54 A

It was a quiet day yesterday and I'm glad for it. I did go to church and to the grocery store. Tim took me to Applebee's for dinner. We hit it just right. We got seated right away and looked back to see a line at the door.

Tim woke up with a good head cold. I've been a little stuffy and have a little cough. I'm hoping I don't get worse.

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5/12/13 6:47 A

My day yesterday started out at 5:45. The Diocesan Meeting ended on time. But we had a parish there that I am assuming is in financial trouble (only being there for 3 meetings doesn't help). The Bishop wants to talk about it again at the next meeting. I will have to see if I could get some background on the situation.

I went right from there to the church for the tea. When I finally left, they were almost done cleaning up. I stopped at Kroger and picked up my prescription because I wanted the $25 put on my card.

When I got home, it hit me how tired I was. I still feel that I am clenching my jaw and it's hurting a little. I am glad that I don't have any plans for today other than church.

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5/11/13 6:57 A

It was a busy day yesterday, I went to church to get ready for the tea.Boy, was I tired when I got home.I did my cycling, but got busy doing other things and never did my walking. I feel like I'm never going to lose this weight.

Today I go to a diocesan meeting and then to the tea, Another long, busy day. Probably no time to exercise.

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5/10/13 6:20 A

I goofed up Karen's total \on her Avon order. My mind feels like it's been really scattered this past week. Too much going on, perhaps. I know I felt a little out of sorts.

Gotta go to the church early to make sandwiches. Hoping it doesn't take too long.

Got another long day tomorrow. I've got a Diocesan meeting in the morning and then the tea right afterwards. I feel like I'm coming down with another cold and I don't want it.

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5/9/13 7:31 A

I woke up yesterday with such grand intentions. I brought stuff to clean the vestry room after we started setting up for the tea. I realized after I got to church that the vestry room is filled with stuff for the tea. So, that had to be put off. Then Marlene and the Marshalls insisted on going to lunch. I tried to find something as a raffle prize and didn't have any luck. I realized after I was at Kroger that I forgot the Avon books I was supposed to drop off. So I had to go back home and get them. By the time I got back, it was after 4 and looking like it was going to rain any time. So I got my cycling in but not my walk. Hoping I get more accomplished today.

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5/8/13 7:38 A

It was a beautiful day yesterday and I took advantage of it. When I went for my walk, I took some Avon books and delivered them, so I got a longer walk in. I got some cookies made for Saturday and did a load of laundry. I worked on the afghan. I stopped at a couple stores on my way home from therapy and got some sale items. Saved over $17.

I have decided to try to blog every day or at least more, move more, get organized and spend less time on the computer.

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5/7/13 7:46 A

I still feel I spend too much time on the computer and must start limiting myself. I want to get dressed and moving a little earlier. Lately it's been about 12-1 before I get dressed. Granted, I've done my exercises and rode the bike before then, but I'd still like to make that earlier.

I saw the new psychiatrist yesterday. He upped my Adderall for me and upped my Lexipro. Let's see if it helps.

I made it a point to visit Mom for a few minutes. She's really down since Aunt Mary passed and I'm worried about her.

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5/6/13 8:12 A

It was a quiet day yesterday. Tim took a long nap. I did go to the grocery store, Walgreen's and for a walk. I didn't get my cycling in, though. I don't know what I did to my back but it's been really hurting since Saturday night. I will see the new psychiatrist today. I am hoping he will up my ADD medicine and change my anti-depressant.

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5/5/13 7:17 A

I went to the Ministry Fair yesterday. It was a good learning day. But, boy was I tired. My back is hurting. I took a pain pill when I got home and another one in the middle of the night. I am still tired this morning. I need to get some exercise in today. Tim made a comment about my weight and it bugged me.

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5/4/13 6:31 A

Another long day yesterday and today. Took mom to the funeral. Went tot he banks. Went to a Pampered Chef Party. Today I go to the church Ministry Fair. Got up at 5:45. Trying to wake up. Not having much luck.

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5/3/13 8:05 A

Long day yesterday. It was a good thing that I cancelled my therapy appointment. Got my exercise in because I wasn't sure if I'd get it in today and tomorrow. I did Mom's hair for her, went to the funeral home and had a vestry meeting. Martin and Noreen didn't recognize me. Didn't think it had been that long since I had seen them. I set the clock for 6 and kept snoozing until 7. So, I will have to do some of my exercises after the funeral. Aunt Mary was 95. Her hair was longer and I wasn't used to that. I was looking at her skin and it was absolutely beautiful. It looked better than mine.

Mom is taking it hard. I will have to make sure to stop by a few times this week.

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5/2/13 8:48 A

My ADD has been acting up. Sharon said she gave me an Avon order and I don't remember it and didn't save the email. There's been a couple other things that I have forgotten. I really should get back into the habit of writing a list of things to do every night before I go to bed. I will start tonight.

My Aunt Mary passed away. I go to the funeral home today and the mass tomorrow. My Mom isn't taking it well. I worry about her. I want to go over there one day next week with a notebook and write down everything she wants for her funeral. Then I want to take her to the county building and transfer the house into the siblings' name. She's getting a little more forgetful lately and she is definitely slowing down. I want to go over there once a week and clean and do laundry with her. I may talk to Barbara and see if she wants to alternate weeks since she won't be working anymore.

I got to wear shorts for the first time this year yesterday. It's about time. Now if the nice weather will only last.

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5/1/13 8:25 A

I got a slow start yesterday but finally got some energy. I don't know why I am so tired lately. I've had enough tests that have turned out okay, so I know nothing is wrong. The only thing I can think of is depression. But I don't go to the new psychiatrist until next week. Hoping he adjusts my medicine.

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4/30/13 10:31 A

Made it through the colonoscopy. Been really tired lately and I don't like it. Going to a new psychiatrist next week. Hoping he will up my ADD medication and give me a new anti-depressant. Hoping those will help. I don't feel like doing anything today and know that I must. The only way I will get rid of the extra weight is to stay active.

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4/29/13 9:02 A

Going for my colonoscopy. So far the prep has been difficult but tolerable. Now just to get through the test.

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4/28/13 8:01 A

I woke up really tired at 8:30 yesterday. At 9:15, I laid back on the couch because I had a headache. I fell back asleep until 10. So, it was rush to get things done before Tim came home. Didn't quite finish and he had to wait for me as I finished up. We took Sadie for a walk, stopped at Best Buy for ink and went to Paco's Tacos for dinner.

Didn't really sleep good last night. I hope I make it through today with taking the medicine to clean me out and just eating a liquid diet. I go for my colonoscopy tomorrow and am not looking forward to it.

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4/27/13 10:05 A

I did an entry and it didn't post. I was tired this morning. Got up at 8:30 , laid back down and 9:15 and got back up at 10. Not good. I need energy. I need to get on an anti-depressant that won't raise my blood pressure and won't make me gain weight.

No clue what I am going to do today. Gotta get moving.

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4/26/13 7:07 A

I spent yesterday at doctor offices. My eyes have gotten worse. I am being sent to a specialist because they are not sure what to do next - put me on medicine or operate - both of which come with no guarantee.


The neurology appoint was long and disappointing. I never did get to talk to the doctor. I have a bulging disk in my neck and some lesions on my brain. They think it's possible I may have had a small stroke. They didn't seem worried and want me to come back in 6 months.

Both had me so shaken that I had no desire to go to the Life Cycle Class last night. Felt guilty, but exhausted.

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4/25/13 7:18 A

It was a quiet, lazy, rainy day yesterday. I did take Antonio to work and stopped at Walgreen's to get my laxatives for my colonoscopy. I took the Gatoraid back to Kroger and got the right colors. I went to therapy.

I got my Avon order. Thanks to Denise, the order got a little screwed up and it didn't help I forgot some lipstick. I need to talk to the new doctor and up my Adderall again.

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4/24/13 7:46 A

I was all set to go walking after I got back from the grocery store. I went to use my debit card and it was turned down. I got home and pulled up my account. There was a charge for $74.95 from a company I didn't know and a $35 NSF charge. I was furious. There was a number next to the name of the company and I called it. Of course, I got a foreigner. She said that I ordered something and that if I didn't return it, I would be charged. I explained that I didn't order it. She offered to send me a $25 gift card. That wouldn't cut it. So then she offered a $30 refund. Then she told me more was coming and I would be charged the $74.95 again if I didn't return it. I told her don't send it but she said it was too late and it was already in shipment. I asked to speak to her supervisor. Of course, she was on the phone. I asked to speak to the next supervisor. I was ignored. So, I went to the bank and disputed the charges. I've got to get a new debit card out of the deal, but, oh well. I just home they don't fight it.

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4/23/13 8:07 A

I still worry about my mood. I did go to a counseling session yesterday and mentioned to Linda that I have a hard time with Dr. Hasan concerning my medicines. She and I went up and switched doctors. I am hoping this one will be more receptive.

It was a nice day yesterday. It was easier for me to be a little more active outside. I passed out some books and shopped around for Heather's baby shower gift. I ended up with yarn. I took a longer than usual walk. The scale was a little up and aggravated me greatly.

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4/22/13 8:16 A

A little down yesterday - even someone at church noticed. At least I went and got outside and took a walk with Tim and Sadie. Watched the baseball game. It was a tied game most of the game - went into extra innings, but we still lost. They left a lot of guys on base.

Denise left a message saying that she had been looking through the wrong book (which she wasn't) and that she had to change her Avon order. She looked through the book as I was talking to her. Tim and Sadie were waiting in the car for me. I finally said I had someone waiting for me and she still took her time. So aggravating. So I emailed Paulette with the changes and then realized I didn't order books, so I had to email her again. After we got back from out walk, she called again changing her order. Makes me look silly.

Hoping the week brings better weather. I feel better when I get to go outside and take a walk.

I tried to talk to Tim about getting on a budget. He didn't seem concerned. He's not giving me as much as he was (or as much as he said he would). I don't have very much money for the end of the month and can see where I will have to make some bills wait. It will snowball from there. Granted, I have spent $5 here and there and I need to stop that, but I have no idea what he does with his money. The only thing I know he pays is the car bill.

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4/21/13 8:17 A

Yesterday was another boring day just like any other day. Tim worked in the morning and went to a euchre party with James. He said it wouldn't be a good environment for me. It kinda bummed me out that I spent the day by myself with not much to do. I did go to the bank and then to the St. Vincent de Paul Thrift Store. I bought 7 books for $4.24. I think I will get into the habit of going there more. The hardcover books are $1 and the paperback are 4 for $1. Can't beat that. And, since I've been reading while on the stationary bike, I've been reading a lot of books lately. The library has not checked in two of the books that I have turned in during the last two months. One they found on the shelf. They still haven't found the other one and I am afraid that they are going to make me pay for it.

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4/20/13 7:56 A

It was a quiet day yesterday. It was blustery outside. The day before, it was 80 and I was walking around with a tee shirt on. The weather contributed to my laziness.

Today is not so blustery, but it's colder. Tim is thinking of going to a card game and thinks I wouldn't be comfortable. So, I feel even more restless. Gotta think of something to do. I don't want to sit around the house all day.

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4/19/13 7:33 A

It was really warm yesterday - 80. It was partly sunny in the morning and I got to go for my walk. I went to therapy. When I got out, it had clouded over and rained really hard on my way home. I used the evening to do a little house work and work on the scarf.

I can't believe it was Sarah's 33rd birthday. It seems like just yesterday that I was telling my Dad that I was expecting. I'll always remember his reaction.

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4/18/13 7:03 A

I was busy all day yesterday again and didn't accomplish anything. I had a specialist appointment for my TMJ. He took x-rays and made an impression of my mouth for the mouthpiece. I'm supposed to wear it as much as possible for the first few months. He talked about giving me prescriptions but didn't. I'm supposed to go 12 days for therapy. I have no idea what it entails

Got my glasses yesterday. Got to take a walk with the sunglass clips on. It was a beautiful day.

Today is Sarah's birthday. I wish I was with her.

Don't know what I am going to do other that the therapy. I'll think of something.

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4/17/13 6:58 A

I was busy all day yesterday. I felt like I was running behind all day. It was a gorgeous day and I couldn't help but take a short walk outside. I talked to Sherry for awhile and got five miles on the bike while I did. I woke up this morning feeling very unorganized and like I was forgetting something. I know it's my ADD and it's from going nonstop the last couple days. It's like there's no in between. Either I have nothing to do or I', crazy busy. There's got to be a middle ground. I've got to come up with some kind of schedule but have yet to sit down and do it.

Edited by: PATTYKLAVER at: 4/18/2013 (06:59)

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4/16/13 7:47 A

Went to the casino with Mom, Sandy and Marie. I had absolutely no luck. I spent the money Mom gave me, the money the casino gave me and $20 0f my own. If I would have saved it, I would have almost enough money for my prescription It's $75! With Insurance!

To replace the rear view mirror, Advance Auto gave me a price of $80. The guy at Henderson Glass called me yesterday and told me that he couldn't find it - that they didn't make it. I know better. I need to call Ray and see if he can get me a price.

It wouldn't be bad if Tim was giving me what he originally said he'd give me every week. Other than the car payment and what he spends on himself, I'm not sure what he does with his money. I think he spends a lot on food instead of letting me make lunches or making his own. Gotta have a talk with him.

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4/15/13 6:44 A

The coffee hour went well. Got compliments. It made me feel good.

The rest of the day was quiet. I started another piece of Sherry's blanket and ended up having to start over. Somehow dropped a stich and couldn't find it. Oh well. I could tell I should have been more active. I gained a half pound.

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4/14/13 7:39 A

I didn't sleep well at all last night. I got up this morning and realized I didn't take my medicine. That's twice now in the last couple weeks. Can't explain it.

It was a quiet day yesterday. Didn't do too much of anything. I got my exercises in and my cycling. Went to the store and the Hope Center and got some stuff together to take to Harry's on Monday. I finished the skein of yarn. That makes two pieces that I have done towards Sherry's afghan - if I can get my act together and keep working on it, then I could give it to her for Christmas. That's a lofty goal, though.

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4/13/13 7:41 A

I had a quiet day yesterday. The most exciting thing that happened was that I talked to Daniel Stephens. We're talking about working together again. I was thinking about taking a class at the college about how to get back into the freelance writing business and out of the blue I got an email from Daniel. Maybe it's a sign.

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4/12/13 8:11 A

It was a rain day yesterday and I was antsy all day. But I didn't feel like I accomplished anything. I did change around a few pictures that were sitting out and I got together some food to take to church, but that was about it.

I talked to both my girls. Sarah talked to me more yesterday than she had before about what all is going on. I was glad. She's doubting herself. She's staying active, though, and that's a good thing. She'll be graduating May 17 and I am thinking about going down. We'll see.

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4/11/13 8:15 A

Aggravating day yesterday. I had a Mutual Ministry Meeting at 9:30 that actually went okay. While I was there, I got a call that my mirror was ready. So I stopped on the way home. Come to find out, I need more parts that originally anticipated. The guy was supposed to check and get back with me and he never did. I couldn't make Tim understand exactly what I needed even with him looking at the car. I had a 4 pm appointment for MRIs. Got there and was told the appointment was for 5:30. So, ...go home for a few minutes and then go back. It took an hour to to. And it more than likely show nothing.

It's my second day on Zoloft. Tim commented on how I seemed chipper this morning. Maybe it's working?

Got aggravated trying to print my bank statement this morning. Firefox wasn't pulling it up so I called. They said that Firefox wouldn't pull it up. Always did it before. So I had to go through Internet Explorer and the whole time Sadie was driving me crazy for her treats. Got short with her and didn't mean to. She just keeps bumping me and getting on top of me until she gets them. And I just wanted to push a couple keys. Felt bad.

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4/10/13 7:40 A

Got a prescription for Zoloft that I have to pick up this morning. I've read conflicting things about it putting weight on. Sherry said she didn't have any problem. I need to give it a try. I'm sleeping way to much and don't have any desire to do anything.

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4/9/13 7:30 A

I am so tired lately and don't get it. I gained more weight and the doctor doesn't seem to take me seriously when I tell her I am worried about it. I found out that my eyesight has changed and that I have the start of cataracts. I spilled bleach on the new sweats that I just bought. The library is missing a library book I turned on and doesn't get it when I tell them that I don't have it. Can you tell I had a bad day yesterday?

I have to go for fasting bloodwork this morning. Set the clock for 6 and got up at 7:30. I want a cup pf coffee so badly. What's wrong with me?

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4/8/13 6:51 A

A doctor appointment, an eye doctor appointment and lots of phone calls today. And some paper organizing to do. Woo hoo! It's supposed to rain today anyway. The temperature was okay yesterday but the wind was wicked and cold, so I stayed in the house.

Still wishing I wouldn't get so hungry at night. Beginning to think there is something to the medicine I take in the morning wearing off.

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4/7/13 8:14 A

Mom keeps bragging about how well I pulled of Easter. I was glad for something to do, but didn't think it was all that spectacular. Sandy commented on Facebook how well it went. I'm glad they were impressed. Now to my next something to do....

Had my monthly diocesan meeting yesterday. It was another quick one. I could get used to this. I was able to get in my exercises plus my 10 miles on the bike before going to Lisa's for Taylor's 18th birthday party. I don't know where the time went.

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4/6/13 6:33 A

I was busy and distracted yesterday.. I went to leave to deliver Avon and go to church to do the altar and I hit the pole and broke my right rear view mirror. Made me feel stupid. Didn't sleep last night and I had to get up early to go to my all day meeting in Plymouth for church. Then I have to pick up Mom and go to Lisa's for Taylor's 18th birthday party. Hope I make it through the day and sleep better tonight.

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4/5/13 9:17 A

I was a bit upset when the state income tax check came and it was for much less that I thought it would be. I worked on doing Sherry's over trying to get her more money. I even talked to the IRS. Then I went to make the deposit slip out and realized that it was Sherry's check. My concentration is not what it should be. I've been reading some ADD questions and answers and some people are saying that they need to take a break from the medicine sometimes or switch medicine. Maybe that's what I need to do. Maybe I need to go back to making lists of things that I want to accomplish every day. I know that used to be helpful.

I got an update about Daniel Stephens and thought about trying to contact him to see if he needed any help. I don't see how SSI would be able to track that. Just a thought. I'm thinking also of taking a class at Macomb Community College about how to go about getting freelance jobs writing. I think that would be really interesting.

I've been waking up a lot at night and finding that it takes a few minutes to fall asleep. Then I sleep in later in the morning. I was so used to waking up at 6 - 6:30 that waking up at about 8:30 seems to really put me behind schedule on what I do want to accomplish each day. I upped my appointment with Dr. Hasan and hope to talk to him about this.


Edited by: PATTYKLAVER at: 4/5/2013 (09:20)

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4/4/13 10:16 A

Got my state income tax yesterday for a third of what I expected. Bummer. Then I thought I could amend Sherry's and ended up screwing hers up. Spent all morning on the phone and am way behind on what I wanted to do today. Hurry up and catch up.

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4/3/13 8:03 A

I got my second shot at 8 in the morning, then went to my New Testament Class. I stopped at a couple stores and spent too much money. I really need to do a budget.
I Skyped with Sherry and she showed me her house and opened her presents. She seemed to like what I got her.

Sherry sent me an email that said she thought I was sad and that she cried a little afterwards. I need to get on anti-depressants. She said Sarah was sad that she didn't talk to me more. I miss them so much. I am debating on what to do with my state income tax check if I ever get it. At first, I was going to pay some bills. Now I want to check plane fare to go visit my girls.

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4/2/13 6:46 A

I spent a long time at the doctor's only to be told I don't have Bell's Palsy. That took more time that I wanted to take. Got some Avon delivered. Went to the store. Got ready for vestry meeting. Couldn't fall asleep. Too much going on and I knew that I had to get up early to get to another doctor appointment. Then I go to a class at school. It's all or nothing with me.

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4/1/13 7:59 A

Easter went well - just too fast and too much food left over. I wanted to have people take some home but they hardly did. I used throwaway cooking pans so there was little to clean up. I got to talk to Sherry. I left a message for Sarah. She sent me an email this morning. Her dad and Susan were supposed to come down. Her dad backed out. She was at her new house loving the house but missing Randy terribly. It breaks my heart. She loves him and was by herself on Easter night. I wish I could have gone down there or swooped her up and brought her here. The last two holidays were spent with us with them together.

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3/31/13 7:50 A

Still running like crazy. Didn't get the usual exercises in yesterday, but I certainly didn't stop much. Maybe I'll be able to get some in today before everyone comes over today, but there's no telling.

Sherry didn't get her internet hooked up so I don't know if we can skype tomorrow on her birthday. Bummer.

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3/30/13 8:10 A

Got most of my exercise in. Made it hard that Tim was home. Started getting food ready for tomorrow. Have to go to church to set up the altar then help at the Easter Egg Hunt. I have a feeling I will have a little time in between. Not sure if I am going to bring a book or go walking around. It's a good thing that I asked someone where the park was. Google was sending me to a completely different park.

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3/29/13 8:41 A

Got a lot of exercise in yesterday. Listened to a webinar on ADD that wasn't very helpful. Went to church in the evening. Fell asleep on the couch. Tim woke me up wanting something and I told him no. Now I feel guilty.

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3/28/13 8:03 A

I actually stayed fairly busy yesterday. I took my specimen to the doctor and set up my test appointments. I did some deeper cleaning in preparation for Sunday. I played around a little with looking at jobs. Not sure why - just thought I'd try. I expected Paulette to call with my Avon but she must have been busy yesterday.

I went to Wal Mart and spent a little more than intended and that I needed to. I bought more paper plates and realized that I had enough when I got home. Same with garbage bags. I can' t see taking them back - they were cheap enough and eventually I will use them.

Not sure what I will be doing today. There's an ADD webinar at 1 than may be interesting. I might tune in to see what it's about. I have to go to mass tonight. I have a reading that I haven't even looked at yet.

I have to go to church again tomorrow night and do a reading. I don't know what reading I have to do yet. Saturday, I will go up and do the altar then met Paul and Tina at the Civic Center Park to help with the Easter Egg Hunt. Then I will have to come home and cook and clean. So, Saturday will definitely be a busy day for me.

Now what am I going to do next week?

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3/27/13 8:03 A

I went and aw Justine yesterday, She still thinks I'm going to get a part time job. She thinks Sarah will be here this year and Sherry soon. She sees another marriage for me.

I stopped at Michael's a bought a puzzle. I decided it wasn't cute enough for the price I paid and took it back.

I stopped at MIWorks to try to get on the website and I still can't.

I don't know what I am going to do today. Nothing to look forward to.

I read a comment on a site that said that a certain ADD medicine made her hungry at night. Got me thinking.

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3/26/13 7:25 A

I went to the library and got some books that I hope will be helpful.

I stopped at Mom's and did her hair for her.

I went to listen to the tape from Justine and the machine ate the tape. Sherry couldn't remember too much of what Justine had told me. Bummer.

I almost called Dr. Hasan and thought I'd wait a day or so and see what happens. I am tired of being depressed and unenergetic.

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3/25/13 8:00 A

The site keeos jumping the pages and aggravating me.

I am still in a down mood and will probably call the psychiatrist and therapist today. I am wanting to be with my girls so badly it's not even funny. I felt so bad for Sarah last night. She called me as she was taking stuff to the new house by herself in the rain. She had to let me go because it was raining so hard. I realized after I talked to her that it felt like she really needed to talk to someone. I want to go and hug and help her.

I want to have a goal and a purpose in life. I don't have it. I thought being on disability would be different, I guess. I thought I would have things to do and places to go.....If I could just be pointed in the right direction.

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3/24/13 7:59 A

I called Barb to double check about me picking her up for the movies. She said that she hadn't heard from me so she was doing laundry. I thought it was a for sure thing that we were going. So I guess we're going today unless she comes up with another excuse.

I took Alicia to run some errands. She gave me flowers and wine and money for doing her taxes. I tried to give her the Avon order but she gave me the colognes back. Don't know what I am going to do with me. I am not going to send them back.

We played euchre. It was okay to do something but I still don't feel any excitement for anything.

I slept lousy and had bad dreams last night.

I went to get Tim up and tripped over Sadie. Landed right on my knees. Ouch. He said something about if I felt like I had time...then the alarm went off and he got out of bed.I have such a poor image of myself lately that this didn't help.

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3/23/13 9:36 A

I cleaned and set up the altar yesterday. I couldn't sit in the house any more in the afternoon and passed out the Avon books instead. Stopped by Mom's for a minute. Watched one of the movies with Tim and thought it was stupid. Was really tired last night and slept until 9 without a sleeping pill. Something's not right and I can't get Tim to understand. He thinks it's good that I don't have a set schedule and can sit in the house and do nothing if I want to. It's driving me crazy.

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3/22/13 6:50 A

Got exercise in but felt that I ate a little more. I was very bored yesterday. Mom called at the last minute to get me to go to the casino and had my ringer off. Bummer. I really could have used a day out.

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3/21/13 10:15 A

Got a lot of bike riding done yesterday. Went to the library and got some books and movies out. I had forgotten that it had movies and thought I'd look. I showed them to Tim, he was supposed to watch one with me, and went into the bedroom to get on the computer. So, I turned on American Idol. He made a comment about me watching tv and it didn't set well. I need to do more by myself for me.

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3/20/13 7:52 A

I am discouraged with my weight and the doctor appointments. More tests with the first one. Tim went with me on the second one. Tim kept telling the psychiatrist how well I was doing and I kept telling him how I was down and unmotivated. So, no anti-depressant that I thought I needed. After all the talk I had been through with Tim. He isn't understanding what I am going through. Today I have nothing to do - nothing to look forward to. I am stuck.

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3/19/13 7:06 A

I gained a little more weight and am discouraged. I know I am sitting around more. The cold weather and everything has me a little down. I did get a little more exercise in yesterday. I cleaned my closet out a little and took a bag of those dresses that didn't sell and a purse to the Salvation Army. I keep feeling that if I have to move, I have a lot of junk that I just don't need. I don't know where I'd go or how I'd pay for it, but it is something that's been in the back of my mind. Things are so much up in the air with my girls.

I saw pictures of Sarah's house. It's beautiful. I wish I could do more for her.

I have two doctor appointments today. One is the neurologist. I'm not sure he'll find anything - no one else has, but I have to go. I was supposed to also go to a breakfast with the girls at church but didn't realize it was the same time when I signed up And I waited forever for this appointment.

Tim is supposed to go with me to the psychiatrist appointment. I tried to tell him that I've been feeling a little down lately and think I need to be on an anti-depressant. He seems to not quite understand. I think that he thinks I'm going to get something like the geodon. No way.

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3/18/13 7:59 A

Strange day yesterday. A minute late for work. Tim decided to have some drinks and had his talkers on. Tried to explain to him that I don't have any goals and motivation but am not sure he fully understood. Went to bed early and slept pretty good.

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3/17/13 7:57 A

It snowed yesterday morning. I still headed up to church and helped finish decorating for the St. Patrick's Day Party. Barb and I were supposed to go to the movies but she cancelled. The afternoon was kinda boring. Tim and I went to the party. The food was okay and the music was interesting. Tim bought one of their Christmas CDs. It didn't last past 8:30 or so and that was find with me. I helped clean up a little and we were home by 9. At least we got out of the house. I feel like I could have helped clean a little more but there were still people hanging around and we would have had to stand there and wait to do anything. Tim has to work today so I figure I can stay after church and help finish up. Wishing my spirits were better but not yet.

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3/16/13 7:54 A

I was busy yesterday running errands. I went up to church to decorate. Dave and I were the only ones that showed up and neither one of us knew what to do. So we put table clothes on the tables and the decorations on them and rearranged the tables a little. We're supposed to go back this morning at 9:30 but it's snowing like crazy and there's a little ice under the snow. I don't want to drive in it but almost feel like I have to. I started the altar waiting for Judy and put cleaning solution instead of oil into the candles. So we had to dump them out and start over. Felt kinda bad on that one.

I got Sarah a Kroger gift card, finished wrapping her birthday presents and mailed them off. I wasn't sure what to do with them. I bought a lot of them with her and Randy in mind and feel really bad. She will be by herself on her birthday and I don't want that. I wish I could do something to make things better for her. I wish things would have worked out for her. I thought Randy was so good for her.

Sherry found a house to rent. So, she will be extremely busy the next couple weeks getting ready to move. She's in limbo and I worry about her too. I just want to fix all my girls' problems.

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3/15/13 7:34 A

I did Sherry's taxes yesterday. She came out even with the federal and gets $425 back from the state. Woo hoo!

I went to talk to mom about Sarah and Barb was there. I really didn't feel like talking in front of Barb. She asks too many dumb questions. I talked to Sharon a little but it didn't make me feel any better. I am trying to work through this, but I find it a little difficult. I still think her and Randy are good for each other and wonder if she can find someone else who will be as good to her and give her what he can and what she needs.

It bothers me that she thinks she disappointed me. Never!

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3/14/13 7:47 A

I talked to Sarah today. She and Randy are getting a divorce. She wants babies and he doesn't. I was told this would happen and I didn't want to believe it. I thought they were so good for each other. She thought she disappointed me. That made me cry. My girls can never disappoint me.

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3/13/13 7:11 A

Had a shot in my back for pain yesterday and my back hurt all day. So it wasn't a very productive day. Tim will be taking my computer to work with him today and it rained then snowed outside. So I don't know how productive I will be today. Linda mentioned I seemed down and suggested I get on a light anti-depressant. I will talk to the psychologist about it. I don't like my lack of ambition.

I am trying to plan having Easter but am not getting very far. Mom said she'd pay for a turkey, but that means I have to buy and make it all while going to church. I left messages with Barb and Sandy so I don't know if they're coming or not. I talked to Cheryl last week but don't know for sure if they're coming. I have to call Lisa, Mike andJoe. Sounds like a lot of work for not many people coming. Oh, well.

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3/12/13 6:54 A

Went to the therapist yesterday. We talked about how I seemed a little down. She suggested that I ask for a mild anti-depressant. Will see the psychologist next week and talk to him about it. I stopped at the Social Security office. I can make a whopping $85 a month and not have it count against me. Sounds like I may need to go back to Avon but keep it through Paulette so nothing will show up and upset the apple cart. As it is, I worry about being on Sherry's and Mom's accounts and having the extra one at Flagstar. Will have to think about things more.

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3/11/13 9:19 A

My sleep is such that I still wake up a lot but I have been sleeping in more in the morning. I've gotten up after Tim for three days in a row. What's wrong with me? I feel so tired in the mornings. I don't know if it's depression setting in again or if it's my body getting used to being off the geodon. I'd think that the side effects of being off it would be over with by now. Tim doesn't understand. Must talk to the doctor. I don't like being sedentary all day.

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3/10/13 7:52 A

I felt like it was a lazy day yesterday. I did go to the dentist, dust, and work on my list of bills, but other than that, didn't do much of anything. Hoping I'm better today. But we lost an hour's sleep last night because of the time change and I'm yawning already. Wondering if I really am still depressed.

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3/9/13 11:49 A

I am in a thoughtful, retrospective mood. I don't know if I am in need of being on anti-depressants or not. Must do some investigating. I know I need to go over my budget. I feel that I've been spending more than I should have lately and need to get back into being frugal again. I want to take a look at what I've been spending money on. I want to go through the condo and clean it really well. Get rid of things I really don't want or need anymore. Paint the rooms that need it - which is basically all but the small bedroom, the bathroom and the laundry room. Check into moving into different places. See if there's someplace that will be cheaper. Sit and talk with Tim on what he wants and work on getting him to wasting less money, paying his bills and having more goals. I need goals myself. What exactly do I want to do every day? Do I want to find a part time job that will supplement what I get in SSI every month? I finally made a decision on Avon and decided to order everything through Paulette. I spoke with her yesterday. I was just feeling too wishy washy about it and was afraid that SSI would find out. So much major decisions that I need to make!

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3/9/13 8:46 A

,I slept a little better last night.but not much. I woke up late this morning and have 15 minutes to get to the dentist. Yikes.

My sleep is definitely off and I don't feel that I have a lot of energy. Don't know if it's a depression or not. I will talk to the psychiatrist when I see him.

Edited by: PATTYKLAVER at: 3/9/2013 (10:21)

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3/8/13 7:54 A

I went to two different places looking for a scale. I finally found one that wasn't too expensive and didn't need for me to put it together. Weighed myself and didn't like what I saw. Weighed myself this morning and one way I stood on it said I gained a pound from yesterday. I am so aggravated with my weight.

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3/7/13 9:36 A

I had a productive day yesterday and a good night's sleep - the best I've had in a long time. I hope today can be as productive.

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3/6/13 6:58 A

I had a pretty good day yesterday. I went to the New Testament Class. I went to Best Buy twice to buy ink for the printer. I went to the post office to mail stuff to the state and Sherry's car tags to her. I actually went for a normal walk and did 4 miles on the bike.

I did do a load of dishes and wiped the cupboard where they were. The dishwasher leaked a little and that bothered me. I cleaned the bathroom a little but need to do it better. Maybe today or tomorrow. I have to go in to church to check on Sharon and I have a vestry meeting tonight so it will probably be tomorrow before I get to the bathroom. There's a lot to talk about at the meeting. I don't think we'll be getting out at 8:20 tonight.

I wish I could sleep without taking a sleeping pill. I will try tonight and see how I do.

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3/5/13 7:18 A

I had a little more energy yesterday. I scrubbed the kitchen and laundry room floors. I did some laundry. I went to the banks and passed out the Avon books that I had. I don't expect a lot of orders. I need to talk to Paulette.

I got a letter from the State of MI about my income taxes. They want a lot of paperwork that I had to copy and get ready to send off. I have to leave for my class early so I can drop the stuff off at the post office. Also have Sherry's car tabs I have to get to her.

Gotta not take a sleeping pill tonight and see how I do. Kinda afraid but know I must.

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3/4/13 8:49 A

Still worried about Tim. I have to try harder. I don't know what I'd do if he wasn't around.

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3/3/13 8:04 A

Spent all morning in a meeting yesterday, Thank goodness I found the place okay. I put almost 100 miles on the car between going to the meeting and getting checks from Ray. Didn't really want to see him again but needed the money. Tim was in a strange mood when I got home. Think he may be unhappy with our situation. Not sure but it has me worried. This makes two Saturdays in a row that he did something out of the norm for him.

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3/2/13 7:12 A

I spent from 9 to 3 with Ray yesterday. As\ usual, he could have made it easier. If he and his lawyer could have communicated a little better he wouldn't have had to come up. But it's done, except for the judge's signature. He has to get a check to me today. I have to spend the whole morning/afternoon in Plymouth at a meeting for church then head over to Tim's to get the check from Ray. Two long days in a row and tomorrow morning will be busy. Good thing I'm feeling a little better but I don;'t want a setback.

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3/1/13 9:00 A

Get to spend the morning with Ray. lol

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2/28/13 8:16 A

Had a little better day yesterday but still stayed inside. I sorted Avon and got that ready to deliver. I did 5 miles on the bike. I did my exercises. I still rested. I slept a little better last night. I hate when Tim's alarm goes off in the morning. I hear it and he goes right back to sleep.. I feel that I could use the sleep right now.

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2/27/13 8:25 A

Feeling a little better but sleeping is fitful because I'm off the goedon. Wondering how long this will last before my sleep will go back to normal. I'd almost just as soon stay on the meds just to get the sleep I need. I don't know if I will go into a depression again or not. I already feel that I don't have the drive to do anything that I had before. But I started feeling that before I stopped the geodon.

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2/26/13 1:25 P

I actually felt like getting dressed and going to the grocery store before it gets bad outside. I hope this means that I'm actually starting to get a little better. I am so tired of being sick.

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2/25/13 8:37 A

Still sick and mad at myself for the weight gain. If I understood where it was coming from, it would be easier. But my eating habits have not changed. I am doing my exercises and getting some bike riding in. Otherwise, I guess I'm not running like I used to. That's the only thing I can figure out. The doctor thinks it's great that I'm gaining weight and I am panicked.

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2/24/13 9:31 A

Still sick. Didn't go to church. Mad at the scale big time. It doesn't help that all I've been doing is laying around. I did a couple exercises this morning, but my sinuses are hurting so I don't think I'm going to get any more done. Gotta do something about the weight. The clothes aren't going to fit pretty soon.

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2/23/13 6:31 A

Still sick. Don't think I've turned the corner after all. Woke up coughing like crazy. Mad at Tim. He showed up at 5 am. Needless to say, he's not going into work today. He just went to bed. Will definitely talk to him when he gets up.

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2/22/13 8:05 A

Still not feeling well. I think I may have turned the corner, but the verdict is still out. So, it's another day of taking it easy. My throat is hurting a little more this morning, which I think is a bit strange.

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2/21/13 12:08 P

I went to the doctor this morning. I feel awful. Her scale said a gain of 2 pounds - mine doesn't.

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2/20/13 10:29 A

My stomach acted up again yesterday afternoon. I've got the cough this morning. I hate being sick. I am not a good patient. It's 10:20 and I'm just now moving a little bit. Doctor took me off geodon yesterday. Hoping my sleep will adjust soon. If I didn't have this cold I know I could walk outside more or do more exercises, but all I wanted to to this morning was lay on the couch. I will probably get dressed and go to the bank to put my income tax check in. Then I want to stop at Consumers Energy and pay off Tim's bill. I got it down to $100 from $255. He's got a few more in there that I need to start working on, but I figured I can only do one at a time. I've got another one of mine that I'm starting to pay $25 a month on. I almost forgot to take out the $10 for the Huntsville Hospital one that I started paying on. Slowly but surely I hope to get these whittled down. It doesn't look like I will be able to do a bankruptcy like I had hoped to. Maybe I will get lucky and one of the properties will sell. Then I could call these people and make them an offer and see if they will settle the bills with me.

I am really hoping to settle the student loan one. That's the biggie and I have no clue how to even begin to pay that one off. I'm glad I went back and got my degree, but it hasn't really helped me that much. No...I guess it did. I'm more confident and organized. I just won't get the money out of it that was put into in.

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2/19/13 7:03 A

Caught myself a cold from somewhere. I don't remember being around anyone who had one. I can't remember the last time I had a cold. I am trying to take it easy so it won't get really bad. I'm glad this week isn't busy like last week was. I got a chance to catch up on my laundry yesterday. I was able to wrap all of Sherry's presents and load most of them into the box to ship. She called and told me not to send them, but I can't see not getting them to her. I did walk up to Kohl's and got her a $25 gift certificate. I tried to get a gift certificate to Rosie's for Sarah but the site was acting up.

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2/18/13 7:24 A

Screwed up at church yesterday and really felt dumb. Started to say the announcements before the prayer. Gotta get it together. Saturday night, we were supposed to go to Applebee's. It started snowing like crazy and there were a lot of accidents all over the place so we passed. I ate some soup and then my hernia acted up big time. I woke up yesterday morning and had to update the Who to Call List and the Master Schedule List before church. Then I screwed up. I had a meeting yesterday afternoon and got another job to do once a month. Came home and the stomach acted up again. Woke up this morning to a sore throat and a stuffy nose. Yuk!

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2/17/13 7:59 A

It was a lazy day yesterday. I finished the Who to Call list and the scarf. We were supposed to go to Applebee's for dinner but it started snowing like crazy and there were accidents all over the place. I had some soup and it upset my stomach big time. So I spent the rest of the night on the couch trying to relax. I felt bad for Tim.

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2/16/13 7:00 A

It was a productive day yesterday. I helped get the bulletins printed and got the who to call list done. I stopped at the bank and paid some bills. I delivered Avon and went to the grocery store. Hoping I won't have to go to church so much next week but wondering what I will do with my time.

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