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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
10/20/14 8:52 A

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I am working through Mom's papers that were in the box. I found some birth and death records that I didn't know were in there. I'm working on writing it all down so the family can have it.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
10/19/14 2:34 P

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Barb still hasn't settled down. The sad part about it is that it only hurts mom and her. And she will never realize it. How do you fight with stupidity? I won't. She's on her own.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
10/18/14 12:31 P

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I went to the funeral home yesterday morning to get prices for mom. After, I went to talk to her about it. Barb showed up about a half hour later. I opened the door for her and went downstairs to put fabric softener in the washer. Coming back up, she started asking where the key was. What do you mean Sharon has it? How long? She's in Florida. I think I'll change the locks and not give anyone a key. Don't hit me. Don't talk back to me. What about the bank account? What about the power of attorney? What about the will? I don't think things will be fair.

She wouldn't listen to mom who told her that she didn't give Barb a key for a reason. She mocked me and did all the gestures I did. I finally grabbed mom's key and said I was going to make a copy and be right back. She didn't want to wait on me. Her time was important. She'd take the key and shove it somewhere. Then she left.

I told Harry what happened. When Sharon called me back, I told her what happened. She said that she tried to give Barb the key last Wednesday and Barb refused to take it.

Meanwhile, Mom promised Sam that they'd be there to clean. Barb had put it off for two weeks. So I went and made $50.00. I know that will not sit well.

Mom was still in bed this morning when I went over there to give her money. She was supposed to go with Barb to the casino. Barb called and said she wasn't going because she didn't sleep last night. Mom said she hadn't slept well either. She told me she was proud of me for sticking up for myself. But she still doesn't want us to fight. I told her that I will not fight with Barb any more. Period.

Barb thinks I am in charge of everything. She thinks I won't be fair. Mom made her will out and it's not any different than the one she and Dad made. I brought home some of the paperwork that was in the file. I will look at it and see what needs to be done. If Barb is the beneficiary of a life insurance policy, I will see to it that if that can't be changed, at least there will be another beneficiary on it. Otherwise, Barb would cash the check and keep all the money. She'd say it's fair - the check was made out to her. Forget that Mom's intention is to be cremated and her bills paid.

Mom did give us some things that she wanted us to have. The kids all got rings. I got my Grandma Mishko's wedding ring. She gave some jewelry to some of the grandkids. Other things, she wants to go to certain people. I have to find out exactly what goes to who, have it written down, signed, made legal, etc. right now before anything happens. I will not fight with Barb. She thinks she wins, but all she does is stir the pot. It's not a someone wins and someone loses situation. It's not hard to figure out.

There is no way that I will tell anyone what I do have. Mom gave me Dad's dogtags, his wedding ring. I won't give them up to anyone but Harry. The kid's table and chairs were given to the girls years ago. I don't think Barb knows that mom even had it. That table my grandpa made was claimed by me 8 years ago.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
10/17/14 5:12 A

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Tim's been hardly working. He came home early yesterday and did his usual "I'll be bad". He mentioned that he's not working Saturday and that he may not go in today. He then said he wanted to do something with me Saturday. Of course, I had already agreed to babysit for a couple hours at 1. He asked why and it's simple: I need the money.

I had a strange dream and woke up at 4 am. There were 2 guys that were vying for my attention. Both gave me rings that were their mothers'. Then they found out that there was another guy and told me they didn't want anything to do with me. I started gathering their stuff together. I realized that why should I do it. That's when I woke up.

Am I being co-dependent again and letting Tim get away with not having any responsibility? Granted, he's done more for me than anyone. But...he gets away with a lot. I am definitely the financial responsible one and I don't have a lot of money coming in.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
10/16/14 9:10 A

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Second day of working and I ran a little late. Jennifer mentioned that Leon got flustered. I must work on being more prompt. Haven't gotten into a schedule yet. Working on it.........

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
10/15/14 9:17 A

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My back hurt all afternoon yesterday. Thank goodness, when Harper went down, Addy slowed down and watched TV. My shoulders and hands kept waking me up all night. It's 9:15 and my back is throbbing already. I may get used to the activity, I may not. I guess it's only fair to try it for the week. If I think I will still have problems, I will call Sandy and see if she would like to take it.

I want to call Kayla first and see if I could pay her to help clean Mom's house on Fridays. If she doesn't want to do it, I will call Taylor. I know which one would do a better job, but...


God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
10/14/14 8:09 A

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i haven't had the chance to check into health coaches. I read a blog this morning about a site that helps with diet - anti-inflamatory, carb, protein specific, etc. Now to just make the time to check it out!

I start babysitting today. It's 3 days for a few weeks, then will go to 4. The girls seem to be full of life - not quite like the boys who were rambunctious but could zone out to the TV. I will take things one day at a time and see how I do. I really want to take the money and pay down my bills.

I'd love to say that I could count on someone to be able to pitch in like we agreed on. But work is slow and ambition isn't always there. It just dawned on me that I have put myself in another position where I'm putting in more than the other person. At least this person is a good person and doesn't abuse the situation (much).

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
10/13/14 9:19 A

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I read an article this morning about Health Coaches and it struck a chord with me. I did some preliminary checking with BCBS of AL and haven't gotten very far. It's time I try something different: eat better, exercise more diligently again, find more to do. The rut's getting deeper.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
10/12/14 2:56 A

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I'm stressed and overtired. I need help and someone to talk to.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
10/11/14 9:28 A

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Sherry posted a video this morning that she took when Sarah was there. It made my morning. I am hoping to continue working on my outlook, to control what I think and say, to mind my p's and q's. The dream I had the night before last was strange. I was in a huge gymnasium and in a contest with a lot of other females.I won whatever contest this was and the people running it had me help pass out prizes. It got down to just me and they ran out of prizes. I got thinking about what that was supposed to mean. What I came up with is that although I may "win" at some things, I don't necessarily "win". So, that tells me to think again about how I feel and how I respond to others.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
10/10/14 9:47 A

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Tim got up this morning yelling at me because Sadie HAD to go potty and I let her out. Then I got a response from the condo management company about how people should give their names and addresses when asking that something be done. I always blind copy Sherry so she knows what's requested. If Dieter was able to send me an email, then he did have contact information. After Barb starting the week out how she did, I just want to go away.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
10/9/14 7:25 A

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I got a little ambitious with the closets. I actually got rid of a couple things and listed a couple things on Craigslist. If I don't get a response in a couple weeks, I will take them to Salvation Army. I always figure that it's worth a shot to try to sell them first.

I got an email from Sharon. She had seen the notes on Mom's refrigerator and called Barb last night. Barb wants to go to Shelley Boedeker - the lawyer who did Mom's will - to see if anything can be done about me having Power of Attorney. I think Barb thinks I'm the executor, too, when in reality, Harry is listed first.

I finally forwarded Sharon's email to the girls. I wasn't going to, but I guess they should know, especially if Barb thinks she's going to try some kind of legal maneuver. I can't follow her thought process. How does she figure going after me is going to do anything? Mom made decisions when she was fully competent. No judge would touch it.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
10/8/14 10:22 A

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The wind is still out of my sails...trying to get over it, but what Barb does hurts.

I did go and get Mom new stuff for the house yesterday. By the time Sharon got there, she had forgotten I was there. I have to take one day at a time. Enjoy her while I can. I pray that things are easy for her and that she doesn't suffer like she did last winter.

I woke up late this morning - 8:30. Between 5-7:30, I think I woke up every 10-15 minutes. There was an eclipse this morning between 6:30 -7:30 that I wanted to see and I think that was in the back of my mind. I didn't see much. When I fell back asleep, my weird dream continued.

Sarah, Sherry, Helena and I skyped this morning. Helena sees so grown for some reason. It's only been a month since I've seen her. She is so aware of everything that goes on.

Sherry's been having a rough time and she hasn't mentioned anything to me, other than she had a bad day yesterday. She mentioned a cranky baby, but I know that's not it. Sharon mentioned to tell her that Gary hadn't forgotten her; that he would call. ???

I am hoping to get ambitious today. I start babysitting next week. Sherry wants me to check on getting Helena baptized the Sunday after Christmas. Time to get the house organized.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
10/7/14 9:00 A

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When I got to Mom's yesterday with the keys, there was a note on the refrigerator. "Patty, you are a joke." As much as I have tried to distance myself, it hurt.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
10/6/14 9:28 A

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I was definitely lazy yesterday. I didn't go to Mom's, I took a nap, I didn't get all my steps in. It was hard to get up this morning. It's already 9:30 and I haven't done much. I don't know if I am trying to fight Shannon's cold or what the deal is. Whatever it is, I don't want it.

I need to get things done and organized. I need to go to Mom's and fight the ants. I need to do a lot of things....

Help.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
10/5/14 1:58 P

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Motivation has left the building. Now I have to go look for it.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
10/4/14 9:44 A

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As usual, I wasn't too motivated by the time I got home. But I did get to spend some time sitting with Mom watching the game. That was worth it.

I started out motivated again today. I changed the sheets, put a blanket on the bed and changed the spreads. The refrigerator is cleaned well and under the kitchen sink.

Mom's birthday is today. There's a party at Sharon's at 4. I went to get pop down to bring and realized that they all expired months ago. Never thought about it until yesterday when the lady at 3Ds was giving away some that had recently expired. Ooops!

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
10/3/14 8:16 A

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I do still have that "I want to get organized and motivated" feeling. I woke up early and got some food ready to take to church. I got some baby clothes out from under the bed and am getting ready to put them away, Then off to church to clean altar; the to Mom's to get her carpets cleaned. How motivated will I be when I get home?

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
10/2/14 8:24 A

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I just want to have somewhat of a schedule. I want to be able to spend time with people and talk, not work or stress. I am still worried about my relationship with Tim. He's definitely been "distant" quite a few nights the past couple weeks. Monday, after the carpet cleaners came and I had so much to do that day, he complained about stuff being in his way in the laundry room. I didn't have time to put things back yet. He then complained about the way I made dinner.

I'm not getting the money we agreed on. He bought a new phone that he can't figure out. he's spending his money on stuff that he's getting into the habit of doing. He thinks that buying me wine and throwing me a $20 is helping. Not really.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
10/1/14 2:49 A

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I was all morning getting those letters out for church. Two trips to Office Max for ink, a trip to the church to get the one page that Sharon printed (and to get paper and envelopes), a couple hours to print, stuff, address, and then to the post office. It was a 3 1/2 hour project by the time i was done and $55 in supplies. Yes, I know I could have been working on it earlier, but i still don't get why Sharon couldn't have printed more and printed in color. it would have been easier on me, both time and money wise. I will have to turn in at least one of the bills. i am slightly broke.

I got a text from Sher at 2 am. So here I sit at almost 3. I will try to lay back down in a minute.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/30/14 9:01 A

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This week hasn't seemed to change from last week. Such a bad day yesterday. Nothing went as planned. The carpet cleaners were late. The church secretary couldn't figure out how to print 2 simple pages for me. So...she printed the first in black and white, never printed the second no matter which way I sent it to her, never got to mailing labels. I had to go up there, get what she printed, grab some paper since I was almost out, grab some envelopes, because I used all mine, get ink because I was out of all the colors ($42.00),,,,I still have to finish printing and then address the envelopes and get them in the mail by 1 today.

I went to pick up mom to get her blood work done. She had forgotten and was standing there ready for Lisa to pick her up. She was mad because there Barb sat in the sunshine while her clothes dried. She didn't want to leave Barb at the house by herself. She begged me to stay. I asked if she could just lock the bottom lock and mom didn't want to hear that.

So...the meeting for a job had to wait along with the papers for church.

When I came home, Tim was grouchy about how I hadn't got the chance to put everything back from the carpet cleaners coming and he complained about the dinner I cooked. At that point I was in tears.

Please let it be better today.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/29/14 8:30 A

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A guy across the parking lot heard me watching the game and came out to find out what was going on. Hello! This is Detroit! This is a big sports town! What world was he in?

I'd love to have confidence in the Tigers.....It's been 30 years since we were champs. It was 16 years before that. For 4 years now, they've gotten to the end and flopped. I hope - it would be great. I unfortunately have found in my life that I really can't count of earthy hopes.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/28/14 6:11 P

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I didn't accomplish much yesterday or today. I was discouraged at the game last night but they won today - nailbighter!



God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/27/14 3:28 A

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It's 3 am. For the past three nights, Tim has indulged. Right now, he left the house a little after 8; someone obviously picked him out because the van is here. I texted once asking where he was, telling him I was having trouble with Sadie. No response. This is something I don't want to put up with. It reminds me all too well of life with Rob.

Lots to think about. The thought of picking up and moving to Alabama has crossed my mind tonight. There are many ducks to check out to see if they can be put into some semblance of a row.

It's time to go through the place and get rid of what isn't needed or wanted any more. Of course, sell what I can and pare down. I've been putting it off way to long anyway.

A talk with Tim must be had, as well as a talk with Sarah and Sherry. The downward trend started before Helena was born. Tonight reminds me too much of things I didn't want to remember. I really don't want to continue down that road. It wasn't a pleasant trip the first time around.

I know he's been thinking about what direction he wants to go in. It's time to fill me in.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/26/14 8:43 A

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The weather's been nice all week and I haven't enjoyed it. My body still hurts and my mood is still in the dumpster. I am glad I have a therapist appointment this morning. I need to have someone point me in the right direction.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/25/14 8:36 A

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The day started off with me hurting. I still am feeling sorry for myself and hurting a bit. I have doctors to call, tests to set up, the car to deal with, Avon, etc. today. Plus I need to get the letters printed out for church and a report to get for Sherry in Shelby Township. Hoping to make it.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/24/14 8:35 P

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All in all a bad day. Between Mom and Barb and Sharon and hurting and Tim, I'm going to be really.early.

Edited by: PATTYKLAVER at: 9/25/2014 (08:34)
God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/24/14 9:13 A

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I've got big ideas today; I'm wanting to organize and clean and learn and do. If I could only get some of the things done that I want to do, that would be great. I will meet with a couple on Sunday to see about babysitting for them 3 days a week. It will keep me busy and probably prevent me from doing a lot of what I want, but I really need the money. I have charged a bit this year and really need to get it all paid off. I can't count on what Tim gives me. When he moved in, it was supposed to be $250.00 a week. I can't remember the last time he gave me that amount. Many weeks the last 6 months, it's been less than $200.00. I unfortunately got myself thinking that I would have that money and the money I got from babysitting the boys, and that faded fast.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/23/14 4:07 P

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Long morning/afternoon of doctors and Mom's. Got nothing done and I have a meeting tonight.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/22/14 7:46 A

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I felt lazy again yesterday. I'm not sure what my problem is. Maybe because the weather is cooler? Am I getting sick? Is there just nothing I am looking forward to? Time to do some thinking and doing.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/21/14 3:24 P

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Yesterday was a very lazy day. Oh, well. I just have to find my motivation somewhere. Haven't looked very hard. So much I want to do...!

At least I am slowly going through my clothes and papers. But the key word is slowly. I think I'll invest in some dynamite.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/20/14 9:13 A

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I spent more time at Mom's cleaning her things. Wishing I could get that ambitious around here. I've only been threatening to do it since Sherry and Helena left. I must do this.

My knee and back are still really bad. I don't know what I did. I have appointments this week with doctors and am hoping something can be done.

I am glad that I mentioned that I hurt when I had that accident. I have to call the people on Monday to let them know that I am still going to the doctor. Just maybe...I may get some money for missing work the past few weeks. Heaven knows that Tim hasn't been good about giving me what he promised. I have to do something. I have gotten lax about spending and saving and must get back with the program.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/19/14 8:47 A

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My morning was spent doing paperwork - paying bills, trying to organize. I haven't gotten to the papers in the other tray. Maybe today I can work on that a little.

I went to Mom's in the afternoon and did a little housework - laundry, kitchen floor, cobwebs on outside windows. She asked me to put a curtain back up in the bedroom and couldn't remember where she put it. She came up with it, though. By the time I came home, my lower right side of my back was really hurting. It was slightly swollen. I got in the tub for awhile and just took it easy. So far this morning, it's a little better.

Tim was already home when I got home a little after 5. I walked in the door and mentioned that I didn't expect him so early. I knew right away why he was home. I hate when he does this and he knows it. It seems that when I am the most broke and the most stressed, that's when he does it. I could have used a little support from him last night. When he's like that, there's no way he can be sympathetic at all.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/18/14 5:51 A

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I spent most of the afternoon yesterday at stores. I took back the clothes I ordered from Old Navy. Wasn't comfortable in them. I had to use the ATM for Sherry. While walking to it, I ran into a guy that worked there that recognized me. He lives in the apartments next door. He kept saying that I gained a lot of weight. Just what I wanted to hear...

I stopped at Michael's with the intention of getting some soft yarn for Helena. I ended up with smaller knitting needles, an owl memories box and a shirt. $5.40 - I had a 50% off coupon for the needles, the shirt was $1.99 and the box was $1.42. I love when I get deals, but I know i have to get my bills down.

Kmart had given me $40 to get a prescription filled. I also had $18.00 in rewards. I wandered around there a bit longer than anticipated, but got a few things I knew I needed. I got a Jacqueline Smith purse for $13.00. At that price, I got one for Mom, too. Originally, i was going to give it to her right away. The one I bought her for Christmas is looking a bit ragged. But it just dawned on me that her birthday is soon. Sounds like a plan... I found a couple shirts for Helena; the end-of-season sales are hard to pass up. Sherry doesn't have the money to spend and I can't resist the cute outfits. I broke down and got a wallet for myself. It's been a few years and my old one is ragged. A couple pairs of socks, some nail polish rounded it out. I could have looked more but knew I was close to the amount I had.

Tim hasn't been giving me near the amount that he told me he would when he moved in. I realize that he is paying for the car, but I don't know what he does with all his money. I really need to work on my budget. If I have it on paper, we will both know better where I stand.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/17/14 10:16 A

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Jeff sent me a ton on texts yesterday telling me that he had a relative move back here and that he was giving the job to the relative. He said they debated but thought they made the right decision. A lot of words for something that should have been easy. He could have called me; that would have been the decent thing to do. When I asked if I could maybe come and see the boys sometimes, he said I'd have to check before I did that. ???

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/16/14 6:43 A

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The day was spent going to doctors, taking Mom to get her bloodwork, cleaning out her refrigerator and going to the pharmacy. Although they were necessary, it didn't really feel like I got anything accomplished.

I have a chiropractor appointment at 9 this morning. I plan on hitting the grocery store and the banks on the way home. Then, I'd love to spend the day straightening out things. I am anxious to see exactly how much I can accomplish.

I've been saying I want to clean and organize all summer. There are other projects that I want to start, too. I've said and I've hoped and that's as far as I've gotten. Time to start.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/15/14 9:09 A

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I still feel like I'm dragging. I can't believe how traveling affects me lately. I know the cold weather doesn't help, but I must do something to not mope and sit in the house.

I felt like I was batting 1000 yesterday. Walgreen's didn't have my prescriptions ready, Kmart pharmacy was closed, the ATM I stopped at for Sherry was being worked on. Mom's house - nothing was done in the 10 days that I was gone. Boy, was I aggravated.

Edited by: PATTYKLAVER at: 9/15/2014 (09:13)
God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/14/14 8:16 A

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I thought for sure that I'd be able to get online in between flights yesterday. It took me forever to even get on the computer. I finally got on the computer and couldn't get online. I did get my steps in, though. I just wandered around and browsed the stores. So tired when I got home. I have to go to the game with Joey today. Granted, the ticket was paid for, but I'm still so tired and I have so much to catch up on! And to top it off, it's cold.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/12/14 5:06 P

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I am having a hard time again. I was hoping it would be better/easier this time. In a way, it is...but in a way, it's not. I need to somehow find a way for this to work. I just don't know how to do that when there are people involved who are stubborn.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/11/14 1:45 P

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Harry called upset because he couldn't find Mom. Barb had taken her to the credit union to get money out to go to the casino. I guess they all were without power over the weekend. Harry said something about that of course it happened when I wasn't there. Good. They need to be able to handle things without me.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/10/14 8:16 P

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My movement today was worse than yesterday. And my attitude about it was bad. We did go for a walk about 8 pm and got to see some fireworks.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/9/14 12:38 P

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The most I did yesterday was take Helena out for a walk. We were gone about an hour. She slept for about 20 minutes in the middle of the walk, but otherwise just listened to what I babbled on about. I am enjoying having others in the house with me. The time spent not having to be here or there or do anything is very therapeutic for me. I got emotional Sunday morning, not wanting to leave Helena again. She just makes live so worth it.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/8/14 11:16 A

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We went by the water yesterday and walked all around, in and out of stores. We found an old cemetery and walked through that too. Still didn't get to 10000 steps but I am really enjoying myself.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/7/14 10:16 A

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Sherry got out the Baby Einstein mat last night and put it on the bed. I made a 15 minute video of Helena just moving and going to town to the music for 15 minutes. After that, I decided to lay on the bed with her and do exactly what she was doing. I couldn't keep up with her. 10-week-old beats 55-year-old!

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/6/14 8:01 A

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It was just me and Z last night. (and Syllie). Sher worried but we did just fine.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/5/14 4:22 P

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Just got done with a walk...still not enough steps. Busy with my girl.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/4/14 8:20 A

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Rested my eyes but no nap yesterday. I didn't move or drink nearly enough. I will HAVE to make up for it today.

It is heaven to sit there and just watch Helena. I could do it forever.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/3/14 4:50 A

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It's way too early for me to think about functioning, but here I am after a little more than 4 hours of sleep. I suspect that I will doze on the place. But after awhile, I will just get more geeked.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/2/14 9:19 A

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I had no energy by the afternoon yesterday and actually laid on the couch about 5 pm. I slept a lot last night. I think I'm feeling better this morning. I didn't start moving until 8:05. It's 9:15 and I haven't moved much. I need to start moving. There's a lot to do today.

I got a call from the claims department at State Farm this morning. It didn't take long to get the sinking feeling that the company will not go after Allstate for my deductible. It will be up to me.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
9/1/14 5:08 A

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It's 5 am and I've been up for a couple hours. At least I can say that I'm getting some quiet stuff done. I loaded the MP3 player yesterday with some tunes. Tim had talked about all the music he had on his computer: NOT. I'll have to start downloading what tunes I want on my computer - in my spare time.

I was thinking about where I could have picked up whatever I got. I remembered Aiden was a little congested last week, but I thought it was allergies. So...do I have allergies or a virus???

I am so upset about my weight. It just has gone up and up. I thought about what I was doing differently. My eating habits seemed about the same - maybe I was picking a little more. Then I thought: I'm sitting more. When I babysit, I am tending to sit and knit. Maybe???

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
8/31/14 11:54 A

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While running around doing errands yesterday, I started coughing again. (Before it was limited to when I woke up). By last night, when I laid down, my teeth hurt. I went to the clinic this morning. The doctor said that it's either bronchitis or allergies. (??) I took the medicine right away and am still feeling lousy. Guess it's a day to stay put and catch up on things.I just want to be able to go Wednesday.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
8/30/14 8:45 A

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I got a little bit of paperwork done. When I went to run errands, I locked myself out of the house. That was an hour wasted. Oh, well. I talked to the neighbors and got some sun.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
8/29/14 9:22 A

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I am still struggling with my mood. I debate about continuing babysitting. The boys and I are doing better. We're in a routine. They are not having the knock-down drag-out fights that they were when I first started. Aiden is eating better. Levi is trying to express himself more and sometimes he gets frustrated a bit, but it's not bad. I found that they tend to whine and act up when their Dad gets home. He has no patience for the boys and really doesn't listen to them.

Lately the boys have wanted to play with two different things. I don't see a problem with that; the first time I told them they could, Aiden said "Really?"

The family dynamic of this family is different. I think this tends to stress me a bit. I was originally told certain hours for a certain amount of money. Jeff consistently is late, especially on the days that I tell him I have to be out at the appointed time. Each day is another excuse. He always texts as opposed to calling. I have been late for every Vestry Meeting. I was late for the only baseball game I went to this year, and I reminded him for 3 weeks. He was bummed when I couldn't stay after yesterday because of my meeting. Most times, when he comes home, I know that he has stopped and had a few drinks. At times I feel funny about leaving the boys with him.

Jeff and Stephanie don't seem to communicate well. Jeff mentioned that Stephanie needed me to babysit next Tuesday. I told him that I needed to switch a doctor appointment. The doctor ended up calling me and switching the appointment. Now she doesn't need me. She doesn't ask me much. She relies on Jeff to do the talking and the decision making.

My hours were increased. The first week, I was paid for those extra hours (and never for the extra hours that I worked over because Jeff was at the bar). Since then, it's back to the original amount. The house is always picked up, the dishes are done, the boys are cared for and played with, the yard is picked up, I have vacuumed, wiped kitchen well, etc. It hasn't been noticed.

I am really debating about this. I am not getting the money that I thought I would from another source. I have some bills that need to be paid down. But do I really need stress and my life being so busy that I'm stressed? I can go back to putting time into Avon. I can take the knitting classes that I paid for 6 months ago, make things, and sell them.

There are things I life that I would like to do. Like spend time with Mom where I'm not taking her to doctors or cleaning her house.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
8/28/14 7:20 A

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Yesterday went better and it started to do a bit for my mood. The boys were good and both actually took a nap for a bit over 2 hours. I got a bit of my paperwork done then. When Jeff came home, he asked if I could stay over today - he said he wasn't sure how late Stephanie had to work and he had to do something with neighbors. The communication between them is something I don't understand....I told him I couldn't. I have to run a meeting at 7 at 13 and John R. (I can't help but have a sinking feeling that he will be late today. He has a habit of doing that when I tell him I absolutely have to be somewhere and need him to be home at the time we agreed to.) He sent me text messages afterwards wondering if Smoky had gotten into the cupcakes. I told him the boys got some out. He texted me back saying Smoky had some on his head. I never responded to that. The boys make such a mess when they eat cupcakes. The frosting is everywhere - all over them, all over the table - top and sides, all over the chairs. I had some on my shoulder when I came home.

Jeff had asked me Monday if I could babysit Tuesday morning. I told him I had to see if I could switch my doctor appointment. Well, the office called me and said he won't be in that day. When I got there yesterday, I said to Stephanie that Jeff mentioned me babysitting Tuesday. She said she had a physical in the morning and she also had to take Aiden to the foot doctor. But she never said if she needed me.

If he's late again today, I want to tell him that this is it. I mentioned my conversation with Jeff to Tim just now and he said the same thing I was thinking. He suspects that Jeff will pull something and be late. He suggested that I tell him that today will be my last day.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
8/27/14 3:37 A

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Yesterday did not help my mood at all. I did paperwork all morning, worked on in after 8, and still don't have it all done. I went and did a lot of stuff for Mom in the afternoon. All it got me was her getting upset with me. We were looking for her bank pouch that she uses when she goes to the casino. She went to the bathroom, came out, and asked why I was going through her stuff. So, I never did ask if i could borrow luggage or a make-up case to go to Sherry's. I'm afraid that she would forget that she said I could and then get mad at me for taking things before she was gone.

It's terrible to want to get some space between us for awhile. But, after doing so much for her since last June, it really hurts for her to jump on me for doing things that she asks me to do, for doing things to make it easier for her, for being there to handle all the little details.

Then, when I left Mom's, I went to the bank for Sherry. I was on my way to my bank and it poured terribly. By the time I got to Utica and Gratiot, it had pretty much stopped. I was in the right lane and a white Buick was in the left lane. The light was green and both lanes have to turn right. We both went to turn - me trying to turn into the right lane. The white car just came right over on me and hit me in the driver's side front. It turned down the first street and I followed it. An older man got out of his car, looked at it, got back in the car and took off. I was already calling the police at that point. I think he realized that i was calling, he turned around and parked. It didn't take too long for the police to arrive. He made the report and the man was talking about how he'd probably be getting a ticket. The police came back out of the car, gave me the man's information and him mine and left.

By then it was too late to go to the bank. When i went by the haircut place, no one was there, so i stopped to get my haircut. Two people walked in after me. They had signed in online so they got to go before me.

Tim said he'd look at the car with me when he got home. He looked at it, but not with me, and didn't talk very much to me.

I am feeling very isolated right now. I just want to be able to have some time to do what I want to do. Is that too much? I had gotten to the point where I was able to do that and I feel like it's been taken away from me.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
8/26/14 8:39 A

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Still working on my mood. At least now, I know I have one week to get ready to leave. So there's a long list of things to do to keep me busy. I know the break and the time with Helena will do me good.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
8/25/14 8:30 A

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My mood has not improved. Mom's been making comments that have stung a bit. My weight and knee have really been bothering me. I am not organized like I need to be - and that's just basics, not everything i want to be organized. Please give me the strength to adjust my attitude.

I stopped early last night to watch a movie with Tim. He ended up not wanting to do it.

Edited by: PATTYKLAVER at: 8/25/2014 (08:33)
God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
8/24/14 7:49 A

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I babysat last night and it seemed like forever. My back and knee hurt really bad. Aiden had another spell where he wouldn't let Levi do anything or play with anything. It's hard to deal with children who do things that mine would never think to do.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
8/23/14 8:49 A

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I spent a bit of time trying to set up a UPS account. They want me to take a big long exporting test. Nope. I wasted time again trying to save money. I must use my time more effectively. I seem to have a problem with that a lot of the time. I forgot my therapist appointment. I thought it was next week. I have one week to get the house together and lose weight before I leave. Busy busy busy.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
8/22/14 8:14 A

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I had a strange dream and woke myself up yelling at a possessed cat. I woke up hurting. The hurting is getting old. This tells me it is time to re-do the schedule and take more time to rest.

I say this as I want to be able to do a bit today. Will see how it goes.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
8/21/14 9:28 A

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I knew the early starts wouldn't last long. I didn't get up until a little after 8. Now to hurry...
When I left for babysitting yesterday, it started to rain about half-way there. It was pouring when I got there. By the time Stephanie left, it had stopped. I put Levi down to rest at 1:40. At 2:15, he still hadn't fallen asleep, so I went in to get him. The siren was going off. But it wasn't dark and it wasn't raining, so I didn't think much of it. About an hour later, Jeff called and asked if everything was okay. A tornado had touched down 2-3 miles away from the house.

He told me he'd be home at 6. At 7:23, I was finally in the car. He had definitely stopped for a drink or two. It's aggravating. He doesn't seem to understand that sometimes I do have to be places after I babysit. And it's just the point that when I agreed to babysit, the hours and pay were set. He doesn't pay more when I am there later. I wrote down my hours that I was there this week. Curious.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
8/20/14 8:27 A

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Second day in a row that I got up early and started doing things: the bed's made, the laundry is in the dryer, sinks and windows cleaned. I really would like to have a lot of organizing done before I go to Halifax. I am so excited to see Helena. I know that I don't want to leave so soon.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
8/19/14 9:54 A

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I got up and got moving right away this morning. Very unusual. But I got a load of clothes done and some organizing of the closets. Now to go to chiropractor!

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
8/18/14 8:45 A

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Yeah, I wanted to go to the casino with Mom. But why? I don't have any luck. The last two times I went, the bus ride was atrocious. I told Tim to remind me of this the next time Mom wants me to go.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 121,237
8/17/14 9:59 A

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I must admit that I've slept pretty good lately. I've been a little busier, so I guess that's got something to do with it.

Soon I will go see Helena. I want to go see Sarah too - just trying to come up with money. Tim hasn't been as much help as he said he would be. He spends money on things not needed - but I guess I do, too when I buy things for Helena. Everything I do buy is very discounted, though. I need to get my budget and house in order. I never know what's up with life.



God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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