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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
3/16/17 2:33 P

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mood actually worse and sherry even more worse. got hand done and sure that's part of it. don't know how to fix it,

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
3/4/17 4:19 P

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my mood has been so off kilter. .

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
2/26/17 10:06 A

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Still not much drive or energy. I want to make a list of things I want to do, some sort of schedule, goals, etc. and do it.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
2/26/17 9:52 A

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still not much energy/motivation. I want to list goals, etc. and make a plan. Need to take the time to do it.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
2/24/17 9:14 A

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I really thought I was getting better: limiting computer time, exercising more, etc. Then came a lot of big bills I wasn't expecting. The phone calls made to get help or bills lowered didn't work. The past few days I have been exhausted. Time for bloodwork.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
2/18/17 4:14 P

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I am still trying to limit my time on the computer. It's better than it was in MI but that's not saying much. The weather's starting to break and I've been in the yard more. I can tell I haven't been doing my exercises.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
2/15/17 8:15 P

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I didn't realize how long it had been. I am still trying to not spend too much time on the computer. I am trying to make phone calls and follow up on them. Still trying to figure out what route I want to take.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
2/7/17 4:24 P

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Slowly getting better. I am focusing more on things I want to get done and it feels good.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
2/5/17 5:29 P

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still not well and no energy

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
2/3/17 4:14 P

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H had her ears cleaned and drained and tubes put in yesterday. When we 1st brought her home, I thought we'd be in for a long day. It didn't take long for her to bounce back. Hoping this will really help her.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
1/20/17 5:17 P

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Helena's been sick again all week. She went to an audiologist Monday who said that the wax is still there, there may be fluid in the ears, but she didn't see any scarring. Her hearing is not 100%. I took her to the clinic today. She has a sinus infection but the doctor said the left ear looked great. ???

She won't take naps for me and we both end up grouchy by the end of the day. I haven't been able to do my exercises or walk and that doesn't make me happy either.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
1/14/17 3:00 P

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I found a therapist last week that I believe will help me tremendously. At least I have high hopes.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
1/6/17 5:34 P

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Trying to find a therapist and a doctor is impossible.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
1/3/17 6:54 P

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I am staying on my meds. But I am looking for a therapist as I haven't been to one in a while.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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HOLLI64's Photo HOLLI64 Posts: 178
1/2/17 10:21 P

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If you have a mental illness, you need to stay on your meds. I suffer from Major Depression and I go through times when I feel great and think I don't need my meds anymore, but it's an illusion. As soon as I cut back or get off, I start getting depressed again. It's common for us to do this when we feel good, but try not to be deceived. emoticon

All you small/tiny house or apartment dwellers, join me at my Small Space Living group.
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
12/26/16 11:02 A

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no motivation still, but at least I'm getting my steps in

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
12/21/16 3:57 P

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feeling better but still tired. I can't seem to get my steps in yet. it's been over 2 weeks. maybe 1 or 2 days I did it. And, of course, it shows.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
12/17/16 2:14 P

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I woke up Thursday with my throat a little sore. By mid-day, it really hurt. I went to the doctor on Friday and found out I have strep. I slept the day away. I felt a little better this morning, but know I need a nap because my throat really hurts again.
Not happy with weight. Time to wake up and get with it.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
12/12/16 9:42 P

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I had a bad day again today: stomach issues. H seems better but I'm worried about her going back to school and getting sick again.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
12/9/16 2:24 P

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H has been sick all week and very needy. With Sherry working, it's all been pretty much up to me. So I am backed up on everything and not feeling the greatest. It's been a struggle to get close to my steps and get my exercise in. Not doing well on anything.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
11/29/16 3:13 P

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I am trying to get my ducks in a row this week. Yesterday, I did get my address changed on my life insurance policy and the bank that the premium comes out of. Today, I read through my separation papers and sent an email to Shelley. Hoping she gets back to me soon. Ray wants to meet with me tomorrow to give me some money out of his 401K. I believe he thinks that I will forget about the property and that's not the case. I have to call Medicaid and see about a few things.

Sherry and I are so broke that it's not even funny.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
11/27/16 9:19 P

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I was wiped out again Friday. Granted, I busted myself trying to do everything before Wednesday before company came. It still hit me like a couple tons of bricks. I ended up in bed for 13 hours. Everyone left this morning and I am feeling down about it. It was nice to have people to talk to and a change of pace in my schedule. Tomorrow will be back to the same old in-schedule. They tell me I need to get out more. What they don't get is that I don't have money, I don't have people to get out with, and I don't have anywhere to go - especially by myself.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
11/22/16 6:45 A

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Still getting tired spells and have taken more naps in the past month than I have in the last year. But I do feel a little more ambitious most mornings. I will have to make a doctor appointment before the end of the year; Ray called to tell me he dropped my health insurance. I'm still trying to digest that one.


God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
11/18/16 9:28 P

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haven't been to the doc yet...got to...still tired but at least not as depressed

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
11/12/16 9:57 P

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depression has set in and I am exhausted. Probably call the dr. on Monday.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
11/4/16 3:29 P

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Sarah called me last night and asked some questions; all the answers were not very cheery. She said that I need to stop being so negative; how do I not be negative when Helena's got ear troubles, I can't find Lulu, and am having trouble with a relationship? I wasn't trying to get her down; it is what it is.

She reminded me that I have to do for me; I know that. But if H has to go to the doc when Sherry's working, it doesn't matter if I had plans, I have to take her. Sarah has my best interest at heart and I know that. Yes, I need to get out more. Yes, it's hard when I am broke and there's no one around here to do things with.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
10/23/16 3:01 P

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stomach is settled, but still in funk. Too much time alone, disappointment when I think I will be around grown-ups, etc.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
10/16/16 9:30 P

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stomach still not right, but at least I am getting rid of some of the junk in the house

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
10/10/16 9:36 P

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the hiatal hernia acted up Saturday - so, of course, I spent the morning on the toilet. can't shake the gloom. probably look for a counselor tomorrow

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
10/7/16 1:52 P

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someone went home yesterday, but our jitters haven't stopped quite yet. Helena got in the car and started crying. I asked what was wrong and she said she didn't know. broke my heart

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
10/6/16 9:58 A

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Things are still absolutely crazy. i'm in this hole and falling fast

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
9/28/16 9:37 A

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I've hit a terrible down period,
lulu got out on sherry 9 nights ago. i'm still frantically chasing every lead. the car needs work. the house needs work that I can't do one handed. my new computer has a virus.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
9/16/16 12:03 P

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despite Sher, I have been doing a little more for me I'm still sidetracked a lot and I have to work on that I haven't talked to anyone in the family in a few weeks and I wonder what's going on at times At other times I don't want to know

I am on a short vacation at the beach with Sarah, Randy, Sherry, Helena and Lucas. Not sure about Lucas Having fun with H. I have been good about avoiding Sher to not have her take advantage of me I do wish Tim was here I miss him and believe there's more going on with him than he's telling me

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
8/20/16 11:06 A

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still trying to get more of a schedule. It's been a crazy week. Helena was home one day, I had appointments all day Thursday. Sherry still throws monkey wrenches in plans and changes her in the flick of an eyelash. That I suspect is a lot of my problem. She is dependent on me and Sarah. Sarah flat out tells her no most of the time - but sometimes she caves in because she feels it helps me.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
8/16/16 1:42 P

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My "Schedule" is shot again - or still. Sherry still has me running around, etc. I have been taking more time for me, though. I can see more of my closet.

Fighting a summer cold is not fun. Having aches and pains that doctors shrug off is not fun.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
8/13/16 3:45 P

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Helena didn't go to day care yesterday because of sniffles and a cough. It was a little difficult to keep her occupied. We were watching Rudolph and fell asleep on the couch for about an hour. When we woke up, she had been half laying on my back as a pillow. I was miserable the rest of the night.

Today is a little better but it still hurts. I'm glad that I am going to see Dr, Scholl Monday. I hate to be a baby, but something is just not right.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
8/10/16 1:43 P

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Sunday - Tuesday Miss Sherry has screwed us all up and messed up my schedule especially. I didn't make it to church, to a doctor's appointment, to my class. I specifically tell her things and it goes in one ear. Where it goes from there is beyond me. Sarah is frustrated too. She has to pick up the pieces that I can't and she knows I give up a lot of what I want to do.

I try to tell Sherry gently that she's hurting herself and Helena the most. But she always takes it wrong and thinks I am a broken record lecturing her. I will try to get a counseling appointment hoping someone can get through to her.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
8/6/16 8:32 A

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For a month now, what little bit of structure I had gotten into the habit of is out the window. I have definitely been more stressed and frazzled. I haven't done anything fun, except a few times to the pool and going to Monte Sano was okay. I planned to do 3 or 4 other things only to have to cancel those. I only made it to 1 of my Sunday night classes.

Yes, I love to be here around and for my girls. But, I can't say that I have any friends that I spend time with. I can't call and talk to Mom. Tim hasn't even been calling me twice a day like he used to. And that was something I could always count on. In a 2 week period, when I was up there, he went into the bedroom and got high 5 times. Many of those nights I really could have used some comforting.

I feel like my insides are empty. I must do something to change this.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
8/4/16 11:48 A

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I am still floating somewhat aimlessly. trying to get it together.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
7/28/16 10:41 A

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It's raining this morning and I didn't get my early morning walk in.
But there's so much to do around here that I will have to squeeze in exercise somewhere.

I am not overly emotional about Mom. I don't know if it's because we did a lot of talking and planning or if it's because I was slowly loosing her the past three years or what. I feel that maybe I need to talk to someone. I just don't know anyone good here.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
7/25/16 1:00 P

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I got a good night's sleep and an early walk in. Haven't finished exercises but put a lot of things away. I haven't digested everything that has happened the last two weeks yet. Sometimes I wonder if I dreamt it.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
7/24/16 3:09 P

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The past 15 days have been extremely hard and have taken all my energy. Heaven knows where my fanny is.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
7/7/16 7:40 A

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Last night, getting Helena down was both easier and hard. Sherry went out for a little bit. Helena didn't really give me much trouble, but we fell asleep on the couch.

Now all I need is to get out myself.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
7/6/16 11:49 A

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I don't like my attitude lately and am working on changing it. The best way, I believe is to go to church more and find adults to talk to.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
7/4/16 11:21 A

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Long weekends mean the schedule in the morning gets screwed up - yuck. Didn't sleep well last night and didn't feel too great this morning. Still having trouble at night with Sherry. I don't have any solutions other than what I told her the other day.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
6/30/16 11:25 A

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I am getting better at time control in the mornings but still need a lot of improvement. The same goes for money. I am trying to see if I could somehow sell a lot of the junk I have. Problem with that is a lot is in MI.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
6/28/16 11:45 A

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Sherry started telling me last night that Gary was talking about moving down in a couple weeks. She's saying she's not sure and that she wonders what people will think of her.

I don't know what it would be like if I was here with him. It was sometimes awkward with Ben but I think it was just because I think he was shy.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
6/26/16 2:31 P

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There was more mis-communication between me and Sherry yesterday. I don't know if it's just me forgetting or if she's forgetting or a combination. But it frustrates me.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
6/24/16 1:09 P

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I was sick from Saturday on. I'm still not over it but at least moving. But, then, that's because Sherry's planning a party for tomorrow and doing her usual wait to the last minute. Sarah and I are running like crazy. I am plain tapped out on energy, money, time. Sarah is almost out of money herself. I told Sherry today that we need to sit down and plan stuff once a week. She said she's not sure if she has the time.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
6/18/16 6:45 A

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I have been really good about doing my exercises and walking this week. But I feel heavier than I have in a while. I am discouraged.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
6/17/16 1:15 P

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Helena seemed to do good Tuesday night and Wednesday. After I got her from school yesterday she didn't want to eat and she would say that different things hurt. She seemed better for Sherry. I think she misses her.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
6/14/16 3:31 P

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Helena's maybe starting to feel better. But I got bits and pieces of things done that I've been putting off.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
6/11/16 4:39 P

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Helena's not well and I spent the better part of the day taking care of her. I think I will take a nap

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
6/9/16 10:27 A

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I guess I can say I am feeling slightly better about myself. I know I have myself in a mess when it comes to money. I have to start shoveling to get out.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
6/7/16 11:41 A

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I looked at a couple apartments yesterday just because both girls said that Sherry and I shouldn't live together. Then they asked why - I realized myself that the apts were terrible and I can't afford them. Now to get down to getting money...

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
6/5/16 12:35 P

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Nope - I fibbed. My attitude stinks. I worry too much, spend too much and do too much for others.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
6/3/16 8:35 A

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I think my attitude is trying to get better. It's still hard to really do things for me;
Sherry relies on me way too much.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
6/1/16 11:08 A

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I was exhausted all weekend through yesterday. I got up with more energy this morning and I really hope I'm over that spell. My attitude was so bad last week. I must start doing something for me and getting out among people to work on getting better.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
5/27/16 9:24 A

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Sherry is not happy with me right now. She wanted to go to MI this weekend. I got an injection in my back on Wednesday and am still uncomfortable. She thinks I scheduled it that day on purpose.

Our communication skills need to be worked on.

I need to find other adults to communicate with. Even Sarah sent me some positive thinking articles this morning.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
5/23/16 10:30 A

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I find that my mood has been short lately and my sleep broken. We try to plan to do things and Sherry will fall asleep and we don't go anywhere. It even seems like Tim hasn't been calling much. Gotta recharge somehow

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
5/19/16 12:04 P

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There are still projects I want to do. I really need to get Sherry's work schedule before I can finish up a schedule for me.

I scheduled my injection appt thinking that surely one of them could get me. Nope. Communication has to improve.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 139,393
5/15/16 1:40 P

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I had some quiet time yesterday. I went through the Helena pictures with Helena this morning. I really want to start doing the projects that I've been wanting to do.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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